Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran or any characters.
The past month has been like a dream to me. I'm not sure if it's been a good dream or a nightmare though. All of my beliefs, my theories, my barriers, they're all crumbling around me.
I'm sure now that love and happiness are more than hormones and positive physical stimuli. I've been given too much proof to not see it.
The proof is there when I see Kimi and Haruhi sitting on the couch, reading a story, as I pay bills. It's there whenever the three of us sit down to a meal together. I can't escape it, it's there, it's real, and I've been blind. I've been more than blind, I've been wrong.
I'm never wrong.
This is impossible.
And yet, it's the truth and I can't deny the truth.
I can never deny the truth.
That's how I know that Kimi feels true happiness, like in the books and movies, as she takes a deep breath and prepares to blow out her candles.
Her eyes now sparkle and dance all the time, when they used to only shine. Whenever it's just the two of us she chatters away at a kilometer a second, telling me about anything and everything she can think of. Her favorite topic of conversation is Haruhi. Just last week I asked her what she wanted for her birthday and she told me: "Papa, can you make Miss Haruhi my new mommy for my present? I promise I don't want anything else."
My breath had hitched and if I wasn't so grounded in science I would've thought that my heart had skipped a beat. Sure, I've been thinking of marrying Haruhi the entire time for Kimi, but to be asked outright like that…it was almost too much. Luckily all my training and control got me through the moment. I let out a small chuckle, ruffled her hair, and said, "It's a little early for that, but maybe for Christmas."
"Ok Papa, but I hope Christmas comes fast. I love Miss Haruhi, she makes me so happy. Like you do." Then she had skipped off to go do whatever little girls do on beautiful summer afternoons.
Her words only made my life even more like a dream. The only person Kimi had ever said "I love you" to was me. She'd never said it to any of her grandparents or aunts and uncles. This has always made Fuyumi rather sad. Since, up until recently, she's had no child of her own and Kimi's had no mother, she's tried to be a mother to her. It hasn't worked out well. Kimi is just too much like me to accept Fuyumi's exuberant attentions easily.
Poor Zackarie, Alianore's brother, hasn't had much luck with her either. Kimi adores him, but he's always been a bit too relaxed for her comfort. I wonder if that will have changed now. I hope so. Zackarie and his partner, Mamoru, are really great guys that just want to love and spoil her when they take a pause in their travels.
I guess we'll find out today. After Kimi's party is over we're having a small dinner, just family and friends, to celebrate it.
"What did you wish for?" A little boy from Kimi's class called out once the candles were extinguished.
"If I say it won't come true!" Kimi declares as Haruhi begins pulling candles out of the cake. I know what she wished for though, it's quite obvious in the sideways glance she gives me before she begins talking animatedly to a little girl in green.
A few minutes later Haruhi has served the cake to the children and the two of us have retreated to a corner to watch.
I gently pull Haruhi into my arms, so that her back is pressed to my chest and her head is tucked comfortably under my chin. We watch the animated children for a moment in silence; no child there at the table is more animated than my Kimi though. She's like a star among pearls. Every child there is wonderful and precious, but they don't shine. Only Kimi does that.
"Thank you," I say softly in Haruhi's ear.
"For what?" She asks in a confused tone.
"For just being you, that's all. I think this is the happiest I've ever seen Kimi and it's your doing."
"Nonsense, it's not all my doing, you're a wonderful father."
I twist a little as I put a hand under her chin and tilt her head so we're looking each other in the eye. "That may be true, but what I said is also true. You've changed our world Haruhi." I lean in and the two of us are soon sharing one of those sweet, delicate kisses that are as rare as true happiness.
I know now that happiness is real and that's what I've been feeling these past few months. Haruhi makes me happy – happy in a way that I have never felt before. Looking back, I know now that I've felt real happiness before. I just refused to see it. After all, do I even deserve happiness?
True, I'm successful now and I have a wonderful daughter and a magnificent girlfriend, but this wasn't always the truth. For most of my life I was an unwanted third son, comparable to the unwanted daughter. As my father told me when I was five, after I got my only non-perfect score on a test, "You've been a disgrace since the day your birth murdered my wife and you'll be a disgrace until you die serving your brothers."
I remember thinking then that the tales my nanny told me that were so full of love and happiness were lies. Nothing so pure and precious as them could exist in a world as miserable as mine. It was only later, during that first year with Tamaki that I realized that love and happiness do exist, but there are perfectly logical, physical reasons for them.
Now though, as I kiss Haruhi while my daughter has her best birthday ever I realize, finally, that love and happiness are real. I'm happy merely to see my daughter so happy. There's no physical stimulus there. My happiness is only gained through an emotional level right now. Though having Haruhi in my arms as I kiss her does make me happy.
I know also now that love is real. It's what Kimi feels towards Haruhi and me, but I'm sorry that I can't return it. Love is an ability that is learned during childhood, before puberty, and I never got to learn how to love. That won't stop me from being happy though, I won't let it. I'm going to make sure Kimi gets the love she needs and make us a happy family in the process.
Author's Note: So, this entire chapter takes place in just a few minutes...I hope you enjoyed reading it. Originally this chapter and the next one were together, but they didn't flow right. I'm sure you'll realize why when you read the next chapter, which will be up tomorrow. I would like to thank everyone that reviews, you're what keep me writing and getting chapters out to you regularly.
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