ZOMG! Finally! An update! I know, I know, it's been almost (exactly) two months…! I even missed updating for Suzaku's birthday (10th July) by practically a whole month… :(

Ahahaha, I don't like to blame my beta-reader, but it was her fault. This chapter has actually been written for quite a while, but she let silly things like Real Life get in the way of betaing it. It's alright. I've already filed a formal complaint about the service. I'm sure she'll be boiled in hot lead or something. ;)

(She did do a good job betaing it though, and made me a Ghost in the Machine-themed icon for my profile, so all is forgiven. Mostly.)

Thankyou to all who reviewed: Nusku, realityfling18, LacuStellar, Neo Diji, Piperme, CatalunaRei, Poisoned-Inkwell, teito13, SeraphChronoMage, SutaakiHitori, XhadowKiss, KarimaTinCan, Star Jinin, Patet, KuroitsukiNoMai, BakayaroManiac, Master Elora Dannan, The Mrs Black, Aria DC al Fine, Arkaham, Narroch, Diana Prince, Deus3xMachina, Joey, abls, PikaNecoMico, Destiny Lot, stuckinabottle, 4udball, Tainted Ink and Paper, purechidori, RedGoldX3, Xeno, Shinigami966890, InfidelPumpkin, Empty Melodies, Twillightfairy and Dark Reborn!

And now, to the thrilling second half of this double-chapter-procrastination detailing Lelouch and Suzaku's silly-schoolgirly-crush-shenangians!

Yayz!

(BTW, just as a warning: This chapter is almost twenty-one-thousand words, so… yeah, not the wisest choice of slice-of-fanfic to serve as your own procrastination if you have more important things to do…)

The Ghost in the Machine

Inversion – Pt II

"Can't sleep?"

C.C. leaned over him, the metal buckle of the leather restraining strap hanging from her clothing swinging dangerously close to his face. He batted it away irritably and glared up at her.

"I might find it easier to sleep if you weren't skulking around the room at this time of night," he snapped.

C.C. sighed.

"What else am I supposed to do?" she asked morosely, straightening again. "You won't let me go out."

"You know why you can't go out," Lelouch replied tersely, "but even if you weren't on Britannia's Most Wanted list, it's 3am." He gave an irritated sigh of his own and sat up a little. "Why you sleep all day is beyond me. It's not my fault that you're bored now – I shouldn't have to entertain you. I've been in school all day, and I have school tomorrow, so go away and leave me alone."

"I only came over here because I could see that you were already awake," C.C. said airily. "I didn't wake you up."

"You're keeping me awake now."

C.C. tilted her head, smiling at him.

"I don't think I'm the one keeping you awake," she murmured.

His violet eyes narrowed.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" he demanded, sitting up properly.

"Oh, the way you've been behaving these last few days," C.C. said, sinking into a sitting position on the edge of his bed – he drew up his knees to accommodate for her, though shot her an annoyed look. "It's amusing, almost. I've seen a very strange little smile on your face. You only seem to do it when you think no-one is watching you; it looks almost – dare I say it – happy. Oh, but it doesn't last long. You've also been scowling a lot more than usual. Your mood swings are far more frequent than they usually are."

"That doesn't mean anything!" Lelouch protested.

"Well, you might be pregnant."

Lelouch gave a pained little groan, resting the back of his head against the headboard.

"When did you get a sense of humour, C.C.?" he muttered blackly.

"Hm?" Her gold eyes gleamed at him. "Oh, well, yes, I suppose it was a joke. You are a virgin, after all."

Lelouch kicked her off the bed.

"It's ridiculous of you to make an assumption like that," he snapped. "It's none of your business. Now go away and let me sleep."

C.C. snorted as she rose again, watching him lie down with his back to her.

"It's no wonder, if that's how you treat a lady," she said coldly.

"You're no lady, witch."

"Well, I suppose that means that it's not me, then."

"It means that what isn't you?"

"The person that you're in love with."

Lelouch bolted upright again, turning to fix that murderous glare on her once more.

"I'm not in love with anyone," he snapped. "Don't be so stupid! A couple of bad moods and you—"

"Oh, Lelouch," C.C. sighed impatiently. "My Geass made people fall in love with me. Even if it was fabricated, if nothing else, I know… the "symptoms", shall we say?"

"I'm not in love."

"Well, there's someone you like."

"No, there isn't."

"Why are you denying it?"

"Because you're wrong."

"Oh, don't be such a boy about it."

Lelouch gave an irritated snort.

"Are you implying that boys are insensitive to love? Because that's not true. Look at Romeo – he loved and he ended up dead."

"I was alive before Shakespeare wrote that play," C.C. replied curtly. "But it's alright to love, Lelouch. That's what humans do. They pursue happiness – is that not correct?"

"I'm not pursuing my own happiness," Lelouch said shortly. "I'm pursuing a world that will enhance Nunnally's."

C.C. gave another sigh.

"I might have known you'd be like this about it. I forget that you're just a little boy sometimes…"

"I'm seventeen!"

She smiled at him over her shoulder.

"You still have a long way to go to catch up to me," she said.

"I don't want to catch up to you," Lelouch replied icily. "Now go away."

C.C. didn't say anything else, but simply collapsed backwards again, sprawling horizontally across the bed.

"C.C.!" Lelouch lunged towards her. "Stop being such a nuisance!"

"Hm?" C.C. blinked up at him; he was leaning right over her, his hands planted at either side of her shoulders. "…Have you ever kissed anyone, Lelouch?"

He faltered.

"What does that have to do with anything?" he spat.

She shrugged.

"You seem to be quite popular with several of the female students in this school."

"So?"

"Does that mean that you haven't?"

"For god's sake, C.C., why are you doing this?" Lelouch moaned irritably. "What does it matter?"

"It doesn't – but you're different from everyone else I've ever made a contract with," C.C. said simply, looking away towards the wall.

"How?"

"I don't know. That's why you interest me."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Neither do you."

He blinked at her; then lifted his weight from his hands, kneeling back.

"That's a rather redundant comeback," he snorted.

"I suppose it is," C.C. agreed blandly, still lying on her back on the bedsheets, "but I say it only because you come across as somewhat paradoxical – or, at least, hypocritical of your own ideals."

"How so?" he asked acidly.

"Well, you make the excuse for your campaign of attempting to crush Britannia by rallying the Japanese members of the Black Knights to fight for their freedom from oppression – that is, you persuade them to lay their lives on the line for your cause by making them believe that you believe that it is wrong for Britannia to have taken over Japan in their first place and all but annihilated its culture and way of life. In that respect, it is a pretence of war; but you, Lelouch… that is not your true reason for fighting."

"Britannia was wrong for taking over Japan!" Lelouch said indignantly.

"Mm, but Japan is not the only country Britannia has ever occupied. Japan is Area Eleven – there are ten more areas which were taken before it, and there are areas up into the teens. Britannia was no more right in taking over any of those, but you have made the Japanese your allies simply because you and your sister happen to be in Japan." C.C. slowly turned her amber gaze back up towards him. "Don't you think that rather undermines your entire gospel? And… even if that wasn't the case, if Japan was in fact the only country that Britannia had taken over, it wouldn't make it any different. Liberating Japan is only a vehicle for you, Lelouch – a scapegoat for acquiring manpower. What you want, more than the freedom of Japan, is the destruction of Britannia. Is it right to battle for the freedom of one country simply so that you can destroy another?"

"I didn't ask you for your opinion, witch," Lelouch said in a hard voice.

"That is not my opinion," C.C. murmured, sitting up and turning her doll-like face towards his. "Those are simply the facts. I expect you wouldn't care very much for my opinion."

"…Do you even have one?"

C.C. shrugged.

"Not really," she decided eventually. "In return for a simple promise, I gave you Geass – the Power of Kings. What you do with it… has nothing to do with me."

"Huh." He gave an offish shrug of his own. "I was under the impression that we were accomplices."

"Only when it suits you, it seems."

"More like when it suits you."

"Of course." She leaned in suddenly towards him, taking him so much by surprise that he didn't have time to duck back out of her reach, and kissed him on the mouth; he went completely rigid, not pulling away, apparently far too shocked by her sudden devious manoeuvre.

She gently put her hands to the sides of his face as she broke the kiss; remaining near, speaking against his lips:

"Are you afraid of closeness, Lelouch?" she whispered, her honey-coloured eyes arresting his own with almost a ferocity. "Do you hate the thought of letting down your defensive barriers for even just a moment and letting someone – anyone – in?"

"You conclude that simply because I didn't react?" he replied icily, moving his face back from hers as much as her hands would allow.

"It's not that." She shook her head a little, her green fringe swaying across her forehead, the dull crimson hue of her Geass symbol flashing between the fronds. "It's the way you are with everyone. But for your sister… you keep everyone, even your friends, as far from you as you can. You don't understand the mechanics of human relationships, nor do you want to. That is what I conclude."

"You're no different, C.C.," Lelouch said in a low voice.

"Yes, I am. I understand all those things – I simply no longer care for them. That is not true for you. You will simply not allow yourself to care for them."

"Why am I getting love-life advice from you, of all people?" Lelouch snapped, pulling his head free from her grip and shaking it. "What made you bring all this up? Why did you kiss me?"

"I was stealing your first kiss, Lelouch."

"That—"

"Of course, please don't get the wrong message," C.C. went on airily. "I have no interest in you sexually. You're a little boy and I, no matter how I appear, am really a very, very old woman. I looked this way before you were even born. I looked this way one hundred years ago. And when I think that you are only seventeen…" She suddenly turned her gleaming gold gaze upon him again. "In fact, I may as well confess something: Prior to what you would regard as our first meeting, I had seen you before."

Lelouch blinked, taken aback.

"Wh-where? When?"

"Oh, it was years ago. Here – in Japan. You were very young." She smiled a little. "And you were with that boy."

"…You mean Suzaku."

"Mm." She tilted her head. "The one that saved you from drowning."

"Suzaku," Lelouch said again.

"I know what his name is. I'm very grateful to him – it would have been such a bother if you'd died." C.C. regarded the banished prince for a long moment. "…It's him, isn't it? He's the one you love. How ironic that he's Japanese, yet fights for Britannia—"

"Shut up, C.C.!" Lelouch spat. "He's just my friend – my best friend, but—"

"Oh, are we back to denying it?"

"I never admitted it!"

"You didn't need to." C.C. swung her legs off the side of the bed and stood again. "So… did I actually steal your first kiss?"

He simply shot her a sulky look; she gave a satisfied little nod.

"I don't know whether I'm disappointed or not," she murmured.

"I don't care," Lelouch bit out, flopping back to the mattress and pulling the sheets back over himself.

"I expect you don't," C.C. agreed absently, twisting her fingers together behind her back and wandering away across the room. "Either way…" She smiled pleasantly at him over her shoulder. "…You turning out to be gay explains a lot."


[Honestly, he thought it unfair of C.C. to label him as some insensitive wretch desperately trying to fight off his own emotions. Even if it was true that he preferred to keep even people like his friends – Shirley, Milly, Rivalz – at arm's length, it had a lot to do with the fact that he simply wasn't a clingy kind of person.

Of course, Nunnally was different. She was his sister. She was all he had left of a world he could never go back to, even if he wanted to. Or, at least, she had been—

Until Suzaku came back.

Suzaku Kururugi. That boy. Japanese. Eleven. Honorary Britannian.

(And in his eyes the memories of a world that Lelouch had thought Britannia had torn down for good.)

Suzaku, too, was different. Just as he stood out amongst the students of Ashford Academy as the only "Eleven", he stood out to Lelouch amongst them too, not for his birth, but for the fact that he was a small sliver of familiarity in a world that was still, in many respects, all too alien. When Lelouch looked at Shirley or Milly or Rivalz, he saw the new order he had been integrated into, the carefree life of a high school student, the charade of Lelouch Lamperouge, the Vice-President of the Student Council and Milly's favourite victim and all-round no-hoper at any and all strenuous activity.

When he looked at Suzaku, he saw that summer, just the three of them, consoling each other beneath the wet, wrinkled wings of new friendship even as their countries readied themselves for war.

Suzaku brought back the world.

He thought of their kiss. He thought of awakening in that tiny First Aid room and seeing him sitting there, smiling at him. He thought of him pulling off that helmet, revealing himself to be the boy he hadn't seen in seven years.

They were best friends. They had saved each other's lives. They had stood together in the wasteland, at what seemed like the very edge of the Earth, and Suzaku had been witness to Lelouch's vow to destroy Britannia.

He thought it unfair of C.C. to propose that he didn't understand the mechanics of human relationships, but, in the end, maybe it didn't matter. He wasn't out to make a machine of it.

As long as it worked, he didn't care.]


"Are you cutting class again?" Suzaku asked, stepping neatly in front of Lelouch as the violet-eyed boy swanned off down the corridor in quite the opposite direction to the Maths classroom.

"That's such a strong way of putting it," Lelouch murmured, taking note of the way Suzaku was walking backwards to accommodate for the fact that he hadn't stopped making his getaway.

"The truth is often a harsh thing, right?"

"How poetic." Lelouch arched an eyebrow. "Suzaku, you're going to trip over something in a minute."

"Not if I start walking in the correct direction." The young soldier did indeed change the direction of his pace, planting his hands against Lelouch's shoulders and pushing him backwards instead. "Come on, you can't keep skipping like this…"

"Suzaku…!" Lelouch stumbled several steps backwards, but then righted himself, surprisingly resilient to being shepherded back the way he had just come. "Cut it out! I'm not going to Maths – I didn't do the homework."

"Well, then you deserve the detention."

"Oh, don't make me laugh." Lelouch gave a sudden squirm, freeing himself from Suzaku's grip by taking him by surprise, and side-stepped him. "I bet you didn't do it either, you masochist."

"I didn't have time last night. Army stuff."

"Well, I have no interest in being your detention buddy." Lelouch gave him an elegant little wave of his fingers. "See you."

"Lelouch…" Suzaku gave an exasperated sigh, turning to watch Lelouch pick up his escape right where he had left off. "Surely the punishment for skipping the class altogether will be worse than the one for not doing your homework. Besides, it's not like this is a one-time thing, either…"

"Oh, they won't find me."

"Lelouch, everyone knows you hide on the roof."

"I have a new hiding-place, for your information." Lelouch glanced back at Suzaku, his eyes gleaming. "Want to come see it?"

"No," Suzaku ground out. "I'm going to Maths."

Lelouch shrugged and looked away again.

"Suit yourself," he said flatly. "You'd better hurry up, though, or you'll be late."

Suzaku gave a snort, watching him go, with half a mind to chase him, grab him by the scruff of his neck and drag him to Maths—

Without stopping, without turning around, Lelouch suddenly slipped his right hand behind his back, where Suzaku could plainly see it, and gave a small tug on the hem of his school jacket.

Suzaku blinked. It was such a little, insignificant movement, unnoticeable by anyone who might walk past, but to Suzaku, who recognised it as one of the many silent signs in the language he and Lelouch had grafted out of mere motion, it held the meaning of two very specific words:

Follow me.

Lelouch didn't look at him; simply dropped his hand to his side again and continued walking away. Suzaku stood where he was, torn. He didn't particularly want to skip class, not with the amount of lessons he'd missed already due to army duties, nor did he want Lelouch to get the impression that he was at his beck and call, but… he couldn't deny that there was something very alluring about the invitation. Lelouch wanted him to follow him – that was why he'd resorted to the childish sign-language. It was a beautiful day outside, and skipping class to skulk off with Lelouch was a far more appealing option than going to Maths…

"Why, hello, Suzaku," Lelouch said pleasantly as Suzaku caught him up. "How nice of you to join me."

"You have to go to every class tomorrow if I come with you now," Suzaku replied stiffly.

"Bargaining? Is it not enough for you to simply be in my company?"

"Lelouch."

"Alright, alright." Lelouch rolled his eyes. "I'll go to every class, if it makes you happy. I can't promise that I won't fall asleep, though."

"If you do, I'll jab you with my compass."

Lelouch gave a mock groan of disgust.

"They shouldn't let soldiers in here," he muttered, though he was smiling. "You're all the same, thinking everything can be solved by jabbing this or blowing up that…"

"At least we don't resort to trying to drown ourselves to get out of a little eight mile walk," Suzaku replied with a grin.

"No," Lelouch agreed. "Frankly, I think blowing something up might have worked better in that instance…"

"Probably." Suzaku shielded his eyes from the sun as they stepped out into the courtyard around which the school building was constructed. "So where's this new hiding-place of yours?"

"Behind the gym."

Suzaku blinked at him.

"What were you doing behind the gym?" he asked in surprise.

"Hiding from the gym teacher."

Suzaku couldn't help but shrug.

"Okay, I guess I can see that…"

"I won't need to use it for a while now," Lelouch said conversationally. "You know, since I got that exemption letter. You guys have to swim and play baseball and run track or whatever, and I get to stand on the side and watch. I don't even have to change out of my uniform. Either way, as you said, it's not exactly a secret that I hide on the roof, so I needed somewhere else to lie low for a while. The roof is much closer, but if I don't use it for a few weeks, I suppose they'll stop checking it every time I don't turn up for a lesson and I can go back there."

Suzaku rubbed at his forehead.

"You… really shouldn't put this much thought into cutting class," he muttered. "Next it'll be a high-tech underground base or something…"

Lelouch glanced at him as they neared the gym, walking along the gravel pathway adjacent to the outdoor tennis courts next to the main building, but said nothing in reply. He glanced around for any passers-by, teachers or otherwise, just as they reached the gym itself; satisfied that there was no-one lurking in wait to shove him into detention, he gave a little tug to Suzaku's sleeve to lead him down the side of the brick building and into the heavy shade cast by the mid-afternoon position of the sun.

The gym had been built right at the back of the school grounds, past even the clubhouse building, with the playing fields, courts and tracks sprawling outwards to the front and sides of it. Around the back of it, on the contrary, was nothing but overgrown trees and shrubbery, part of the unruly wall of greenery which encircled around Ashford Academy like a halo, separating it from the world outside, torn between glamour and ghetto.

"What on earth were you doing crawling around in here?" Suzaku found himself asking as Lelouch pushed back several dense branches of bushes, long grown unkempt, and disappeared between them into the wilderness beyond.

"I told you," Lelouch replied, waiting for Suzaku to join him. "Hiding. Come on." He reached back for Suzaku's hand. "It's only a little way in, but it's all so overgrown…"

"Lelouch." Suzaku took his outstretched hand but gave a little tug on it to make the Britannian boy look back at him. "…What's back here?"

"I'm going to show you," Lelouch replied impatiently. He pulled at Suzaku. "Come on."

Suzaku fell silent, allowing Lelouch to lead him on blindly, through plants and grasses and trees which became wilder and greener and lusher, the canopy of interlocked leaves and vines overhead casting a darkness that was somehow still vibrant over this strange, new, out-of-Ashford world.

This wasn't like Lelouch. Lelouch didn't like The Great Outdoors one little bit. He didn't like clambering over rocks and slipping on moss and mud and battling through bushes and ducking under dangerously-low tree branches. When they had been children, he had gone for long walks with Suzaku through the woodlands around the Kururugi Estate, but he had complained the whole way, whining that he was tired and dirty and hungry and that he didn't see why Suzaku couldn't just sit and read a book or something.

Yet this… Lelouch wanted to show him something. It was obvious. He'd wanted Suzaku to follow him, desperately so, because he wanted to show him whatever he'd found out here. This new hiding place of his, buried deep amongst all the things Lelouch hated, was either something wonderful or something terrible.

They crouched low to come beneath a low, thick branch, so alive with leaves that it formed almost a shield for the small but distinct clearing Lelouch now led him into, still clutching at his hand. A break in the natural overhead thatch-work allowed sunlight, pure gold at this time of the day, to stream down onto the grassy floor. The small space was otherwise empty but for three things:

A tall, twisted, gnarled weeping willow tree, impossibly beautiful, with roots like broken springs looping up above the ground before plunging back beneath. The ivy-choked crumbling remains of an old well. And—

"Lelouch…" Suzaku broke from him, letting his bag drop as he crossed the clearing in a few strides. "This is…" He trailed off, running his fingers over the ragged stones of the ancient well, before passing it and going to the other remains situated a little way behind it. These, too, were green with overgrowth, ivy threaded like Christmas tinsel between what was left of the beams and moss clinging possessively to the scattered, crumbling remnants of the bodywork.

"This is a Shinto shrine," Suzaku finished softly, looking at Lelouch across the tiny clearing. "Or… what's left of one, at any rate."

"You know it's not in my nature to defend Britannia," Lelouch replied expressionlessly, "but they didn't do this."

"No, I know." Suzaku patted his palm against the ivy-laced structure. "Looks it fell out of use decades and decades ago. There's hardly anything of it left. I bet no-one even knows it's here."

"We do."

"Mm…" Suzaku was still fascinated by the discovery, circling the remains. "Looks like it was a very small shrine – probably only for offering prayers. Maybe… only a metre or two across, by the looks of it. I can't tell, most of it is gone. I wonder when it was built…"

"I knew you'd want to see it. I just… well, I'm sorry I didn't bring you here sooner."

"When did you find it?"

"A few days before the trip." Lelouch had picked up both bags and crossed to the willow, setting them down against one of the arching roots. "You weren't in at all that week, so I couldn't show you – and then, with the trip…"

"Yeah – you came back a week later than everyone else."

"I…" Lelouch hesitated as he sat down on the grass beneath the shade of the willow. "I was going to tell you about it that night we shared the room, but… well, we ended up talking about other things and it slipped my mind."

"Yeah…" Suzaku glanced up just in time to meet Lelouch's gaze – at which they both quickly averted them, Suzaku returning his attention to the ruined shrine and Lelouch distractedly picking at some grass.

Suzaku scuffed his foot along the ground in front of the time-ravaged structure, daring to sneakily glance back at Lelouch again; but the Britannian boy had preoccupied himself now, carefully plucking several long, sturdy blades of grass and measuring them against one another. The calm, haunting silence of the sheltered little grove fell over the both of them and the space – a dozen or so paces – between them, as delicate yet deliberate as a veil.

Neither of them said a thing – although Suzaku wanted to. It was just that…

The young soldier blinked in surprise as he felt the edge of his shoe scrape against something quite a bit firmer than grass and moss. He tilted his head, trying to push away the overgrown grass with his foot, but it kept sweeping back the moment he yielded the force against it. Sinking into a crouch, he used his hands to rake away the grass, parting it to find a small, rectangular piece of stone, partly sunken into the ground and covered with a thin but persistent layer of moss. He frowned, moving along a little and hunting around in the grass next to the slab, eventually prying back some thick roots of ivy to uncover the corner of another. This one was in worse shape, almost half of it buried beneath the earth, but it was not so heavy with moss, enabling him to see that there was something written on it in faded kanji. He pulled back more grass, trying to read it – he couldn't, too much of it worn away, but it looked as though it might be…

… a name.

"Lelouch," Suzaku said, standing and sharply shattering the silence, "I think there are graves here."

Lelouch shrugged, busy with his grass – it looked as though he was knotting them all together, making one long string.

"We're not disturbing them," he replied. "Come over here, if it bothers you so much."

Suzaku moved away from the slabs quickly, realising that, if they were graves, he'd probably been standing on them; he came across the clearing and stepped out of the sun, joining Lelouch underneath the willow.

"This place is amazing," he murmured, looking up at the twisted branches of the tree in awe. "I can't believe no-one knows it's here…"

"We do," Lelouch said again, still concentrating on his grass.

"Yes." Suzaku looked down at him. "…Thankyou for sharing it with me, Lelouch."

"You probably have more of a right to be here than I do."

"Well… you didn't have to show it to me."

Lelouch gave another shrug, pulling up an additional piece of grass to add to his chain.

"I wish I could bring Nunnally," he murmured, "but I wouldn't be able to get her wheelchair down through all that overgrowth…"

"Yeah, I think Nunnally would like this place," Suzaku agreed. "Well… I could carry her down, if you want. She's not that heavy."

"Maybe."

Noting that Lelouch had suddenly become rather closed up, more interested in braiding grass than in him, Suzaku stepped away from the vast trunk of the tree and leaned over him.

"What are you doing?" he asked

"Be patient," Lelouch replied tartly. "I'm almost done."

Suzaku gave a little sigh and sat down next to him, looking up at the bent boughs of the willow again, enjoying the dappled sunlight bleeding through the leaves and onto his body. He closed his eyes for a long moment, turning his face up towards the warmth; and when he opened them, he found that he couldn't help but settle them on Lelouch, who was still working diligently on his little project. The gold shone on his raven hair, the mottle of shadow and light cast by the leaves made a canvas of his skin – his fingers, slender, nimble, gave gentle but affirmative shape to the thin ribbon of brilliantly-green grass between them as Suzaku watched in fascination.

"There," Lelouch said finally, holding out the grassy cord between the first finger and thumb of each hand; he turned to Suzaku and threaded it around his neck, leaning over to tie it around the back of his uniform jacket collar. On moving back again, he looked at it critically. "Sorry," he said eventually. "It was meant to look like those prayer beads Shinto priests and priestesses wear, but I'm afraid it's not very good…"

Suzaku looked down at it. It really was just a simple grass necklace, but Lelouch had tried to make the beads out of the knots between the blades, setting them very evenly apart. It maybe wasn't as good as Lelouch would have liked it to look, but Suzaku was touched nonetheless.

"I like it," he assured him. "You're spoiling me today – I should give you something…"

"Oh, that's alright," Lelouch replied, rather too quickly; Suzaku could have sworn that he saw a hint of colour come into his pale face, but paid it little heed as he thought.

"I know," he decided eventually, and he reached for his bag and pulled it towards him, opening it. He went through it, looking for a piece of plain paper, eventually finding one wedged into his Geography exercise book.

He laid his book on the grass to make a flat surface, tore off a strip of paper along the top to make as neat a square as he could manage and began to fold it mechanically and meticulously. He was aware of Lelouch leaning over to watch him in interest but didn't raise his eyes towards him.

"Here you are," he said, giving the wings a final tug and holding it out. "It's a crane. They're a symbol of friendship."

Lelouch held his hands out for the crane, letting Suzaku put it into his palms.

"I've seen Nunnally making these," he said after a moment of examining it. "Sayoko taught her."

"Oh." Suzaku's smile faded. Great. So Lelouch was tripping over paper cranes…

"But she's never made one for me," Lelouch went on, perhaps seeing the sudden plummet in Suzaku's sense of being pleased with himself. "Besides, you said they're a symbol of friendship, and you're my friend, so…" The Britannian boy smiled. "Thankyou, Suzaku."

"You're welcome." Suzaku put his Geography book back in his bag. "You know, there's a legend that says if you make one thousand of them, your wish will be granted."

"That must be what Nunnally's doing," Lelouch muttered, reaching for his own bag. "Seriously, what would you do with one thousand paper cranes…?"

"Traditionally they'd be threaded together in sets of forty, so you'd have twenty-five strings. The complete set is called a senbazuru."

"But then you'd still have twenty-five bunches of forty cranes," Lelouch pointed out, hunting through his bag for something.

"Well… yeah, I guess so." Suzaku looked at him again. "What are you looking for?"

"Just… ah, there it is." Lelouch pulled out a book and put it on the grass, closing his school bag again.

"What?" Suzaku blinked. "You're just going to read?"

"That's what I always do when I skip class."

"But—"

"Didn't you bring something to do?"

"W-well… I guess I could just do the Maths homework, but…"

Suzaku trailed off, rather disgruntled. He hadn't been remotely under the impression that this was going to turn into Quiet Time; instead he'd rather been hoping for the opportunity to just spend some time with his best friend, away from the army and classes and even the rest of the Student Council. Besides, things were… tense between them. Suzaku could feel it – and he was pretty sure that Lelouch could feel it too, as subtle as it was. It wasn't awkwardness; more of an acknowledgement that there were certain things simply hanging in the air, not forgotten but not renewed, either. The fact was that Suzaku had been busy with the Special Engineering Envoy Corps again these past few days and had hardly been in school – he had also missed two Student Council meetings and a "dinner date" with Lelouch and Nunnally.

Frankly, he had not been left alone with Lelouch since that evening in the basement, when he had stumbled across him looking for fireworks – almost a week ago now – and even then they had been interrupted by Rivalz and Shirley.

However, now that the two of them were finally alone, it didn't look as though either of them was about to breach the subject of what had happened between them the last few times they had been alone. Lelouch had opened his book to the page he had marked with a train ticket – he was still gently holding the crane, but seemed to have lost interest in Suzaku himself.

Suzaku distracted himself getting out the Maths homework for the lesson he was missing right now, almost chafing beneath the all-too-obvious discomfiture of the situation. Of course, Lelouch had perfected acting cool, so he didn't seem remotely bothered by the fact that Suzaku hadn't just grabbed him and kissed him to put them both out of their misery, but Suzaku himself got the distinct impression that the other boy, elegant and refined and poised and whatever else, was waiting.

Just waiting.

"Lelouch," Suzaku said finally; he dropped his Maths homework to the grass and reached out, taking Lelouch by the shoulder.

Lelouch lifted his head, turning his face towards the Japanese boy expectantly.

"Yes?" he asked, his voice deceptively calm.

"I…" Suzaku faltered. His fingers flexed around the curve of Lelouch's shoulder. He dropped his gaze, at a complete loss for what to say, how to even begin.

"What, Suzaku?" Lelouch pressed, beginning to sound a little impatient.

"What… what book are you reading?" Suzaku winced as he said it, but steadfastly kept his hand on the other boy's shoulder, under the impression that, if he removed it, it would be even more obvious that that hadn't been exactly what he had been intending to say – or, at least, convey.

Lelouch blinked; but if he was disappointed, the emotion didn't show on his face. He flipped the book over to show Suzaku the cover.

"The Picture of Dorian Gray," he said blandly. "It's by Oscar Wilde."

"Mm." Suzaku looked hard at the book cover so that he wouldn't have to look at Lelouch. "I've heard of it. Is it good?"

"I suppose. It's essentially about a man who sells his soul in return for ageless beauty."

"Oh."

Suzaku didn't have anything more to say to that. He dared to raise his gaze towards Lelouch – the Britannian boy was looking down at him with all the haughtiness of the ex-prince that he was, his expression plainly demanding "Are you going to kiss me or not, idiot?". Suzaku paused a moment longer, then slowly let his hand drop from Lelouch's shoulder and shrank back from him. Lelouch, who seemed to have drawn closer, perhaps hopefully, gave a barely-perceptible little snort and went back to his book without another word.

Suzaku flopped to the grass on his back, putting his arms up behind his head to make a pillow. After a long moment of staring up at the leaves again, very annoyed with himself, he let his jade eyes slide closed.

"I think I'll just go to sleep," he announced. "I had a late night last night."

"Alright," Lelouch replied absently.

Suzaku scowled, opening one eye again; Lelouch wasn't looking at him, very much immersed in The Picture of Dorian Gray. Exhaling deeply, knowing that Lelouch was probably not as ignorant of the fact that his best friend was sulking as he was pretending to be, Suzaku closed his eye again and got more comfortable. He actually had no intention of going to sleep, but it was pleasantly warm, making it nice to just lie here in the silence – and besides, this eliminated the tension he had undoubtedly just heightened. If he pretended to be asleep, there was a reason for the sudden not-talking between them.

A reason apart from the fact that they were both being idiotic, anyway.

He didn't know what the problem was. It wasn't as though they hadn't kissed before. The first time had been so easy, simply just… happening without either of them thinking about it. Suzaku still wasn't quite sure who had instigated it, quite who had tilted their head which way, quite who had been the first to close their eyes, but it had happened without him knowing, or needing to know, any of those things.

The second time… Despite having been the one to break the first kiss, Lelouch had ignited the second. He had kissed Suzaku without warning, perhaps merely out of protest because he said that he wanted their friendship to evolve from what it had been back when they were children. He'd always been one for unpredictable tactics, after all.

The third time they had been interrupted before their mouths could meet – but an almost-kiss was hardly a non-event. If they'd had only a few moments more…

And yet now… Suzaku couldn't do it, and it didn't look as though Lelouch was in the mood for employing any more shock tactics, either. He didn't know why, because truthfully, he didn't think Lelouch would reject the advance – in fact, he seemed to want Suzaku to kiss him, but for some reason…

Suzaku couldn't close the gap.

So he lay on his back beneath the sun and amidst the ruins of the Shinto shrine Lelouch had given to him like a gift, with Lelouch's other gift of grass prayer beads threaded around the collar of his school uniform; and found that he was growing drowsy even though he didn't really want to sleep – he wanted to stay awake so that he could appreciate Lelouch only being a foot away from him.

After all, it wasn't too long ago that he'd believed Lelouch dead; and even more recently that he'd almost lost him a second time, having to physically drag him from the greedy, icy clasp of Death.

He was almost asleep, barely able to open his eyes, when he felt Lelouch rest his head on his chest. He battled to open them enough to look at his friend – the Britannian boy had closed the book and put it aside, instead lying down on his side on the grass, using Suzaku's chest as a pillow.

The crane was cradled in his hand.


It had begun to rain quite heavily by the time the coldness of it woke Suzaku up; he opened his eyes to an unexpected darkness, the clearing dulled by the grey clouds which had drifted overhead. Lelouch stirred too, lifting his head from where it had been resting in the dip between Suzaku's shoulder and collarbone and looking up at what he could see of the sky through the weeping willow's branches.

"Where the hell did this come from?!" Suzaku asked, the question rhetorical but nonetheless incredulous.

"It's been sunny these past few days," Lelouch muttered, sitting up properly and scrabbling for his bag. "It's probably overdue…"

"But it was so nice earlier – how long were we asleep?" Suzaku gave a shake of his head, flicking a few wet strands of hair out of his eyes. "Oh, it doesn't matter. Come on, let's get out of here and inside…"

He jammed his sodden, untouched Maths homework into his bag and stood, slinging it over his shoulder; he took Lelouch by the wrist as he stood too, pulling him forwards a few steps. Lelouch allowed himself to be dragged, but when Suzaku had gotten him almost to the entrance of the clearing, his eyes suddenly widened and he tore his arm loose, turning on his heel and scrambling back towards the willow.

"Lelouch!" Suzaku started after him. "What are you doing?!"

"My crane!" Lelouch snatched up the soggy white thing lying amidst the overgrown grass as Suzaku caught him up. "I forgot to pick it up…"

"Will you come on?" Suzaku snapped impatiently, grabbing hold of him again. "You shouldn't be out in weather like this."

"As heavy as it is, I don't think I'm going to drown," Lelouch muttered, but he didn't protest to Suzaku clamping onto his arm again and hauling him across the clearing and back out into the overgrowth which acted as gateway between this strange, silent realm and the normal, noisy one of Ashford Academy.

It was as though they, as humans, had outstayed their welcome in a place so dominated by Nature; or, as representatives of a more modern era, were simply too out of place in a tiny pocket of history far older than they. The sun had hidden and the rain came instead to chase them.

They, tainted by the world they belonged in, had been rejected by another world – better, but which could not contain them.

So they returned.

"We can take shelter in the gym," Suzaku said, still clutching at Lelouch as they stepped out from amongst the trees and bushes so well concealing perhaps the one part of Japan reduced to ruin but not to a number.

Lelouch gave a nod, trying to keep up with Suzaku as he pulled him along the wet gravel path running along the side of the gym; he was still clutching the wet paper crane, able to pause and fold it flat enough to put it into his pocket as Suzaku let him go at the doorway of the gym building and went to open the door.

He couldn't open it.

"Great," Suzaku hissed, tugging on the handle again for good measure. "It's locked from the inside. We can't get in."

Lelouch looked at him miserably and said nothing. The rain had picked up, slamming silver into the grounds of Ashford Academy – the pair of them were all but drenched through.

"Come on," Suzaku said irritably, taking Lelouch's wrist again as he passed him. "Standing here isn't doing us any good. We'll have to go to the school building…"

Lelouch looked at the distance between the gym and the main building, looked at the sky, looked at the ground, and then looked at Suzaku.

"Okay, you win," he said expressionlessly. "I wish we'd just gone to Maths."

"Isn't this your room?" Lelouch asked suddenly, looking around at the corridor as Suzaku hunted in his wet pocket for his key. "How did we get into the dormitory building?"

"It's connected to the school building by that corridor we just came down – you know, the one by the Science Department."

"Oh." Lelouch gave a little shiver as Suzaku unlocked the door. "I didn't know that…"

"Well, you and Nunnally live in the clubhouse building, right? So it makes sense."

"Mm, but I've been to Rivalz's room before – we went in the front entrance."

"Oh, yeah, that's nearer to the English Department. Either way, it was much quicker to come in here than go to yours." Suzaku opened the door and gestured to Lelouch to go in first. "Come on, we're dripping water all over the floor…"

He followed Lelouch into the bedroom and closed the door behind them, dropping his sodden bag to the floor. Lelouch put his down more carefully and went into his pocket, extracting the wet paper crane.

"I can't believe you went back for that," Suzaku murmured, watching the Britannian boy carefully fold the soggy paper outwards into its proper shape.

"Why wouldn't I have? Do you think I'm so ungrateful?"

"N-no, but… it's just a piece of paper. I could have made you another one."

"I want this one. Besides…" Lelouch put the crane down on Suzaku's dresser to dry out and looked at his friend critically. "You're still wearing that silly grass necklace."

Suzaku touched the thin, wet string of knotted grass hanging around his neck absently and grinned.

"Touché," he said; but his smile faded as he watched Lelouch shiver violently again. He went to him and grasped one of his hands between his own. "God, you're freezing," he went on, his tone becoming more serious. "You'd better have a shower to get your body heat back up."

"Suzaku, I know I fell in a frozen lake, but—"

"Exactly," Suzaku interrupted distractedly, going to his wardrobe. "It's not good for you to be wet and cold like this…" He went through the wardrobe and pulled out a pair of grey jogging pants and a dark green T-shirt, folding them over his arm and holding them out to Lelouch. "Here, you can wear these while your uniform dries. There are towels in the bathroom."

"Fine." Lelouch rolled his eyes, unbuttoned and unbuckled his uniform jacket and shrugged it off, leaving him in his wet school shirt. "You can have the rest when I come back," he added coolly, taking the dry clothing.

"That sounds fair," Suzaku replied stoically, picking up his jacket.

Lelouch simply gave another little snort and crossed the room to the en suite bathroom, holding Suzaku's clothes away from his wet body as he shut the door; Suzaku heard him lock it, probably out of habit (if Suzaku couldn't even kiss him, he was hardly going to follow him into the shower to passionately ravage him against the steamy glass or whatever), and, moments later, heard him start the shower up.

He gave a little shudder himself, shaking his wet hair out of his eyes as he went to the radiator. He turned it on and draped Lelouch's soaked uniform jacket over it to dry off, putting his own next to it after taking it off. He unbuttoned his shirt too, peeling the cold, wet cotton away from his skin, and kicked off his trousers, shoes and socks as well, leaving them all to dry. In just his underwear, he went back to the open wardrobe and took out his copper-coloured army uniform, hanging neatly on a wooden hanger, and hooked it over the wardrobe door so that he could inspect it. He was scheduled for a diagnostics feedback session with Lloyd and Cecile later that evening, and although once he got there he'd have to put on his pilot uniform, he had to wear proper attire into the building.

He looked at the rank markings on the right sleeve of the jacket. They were new. He hadn't been a Major for very long. There was talk amongst other soldiers, those who were older, more experienced, or those whom he had surpassed, or simply those who hated him for being an Eleven, about the fact that he had skipped several ranks in being promoted – so many that it was, in fact, almost ridiculous. He'd been a Warrant Officer before this, and, before that, merely a Private.

The talk was mostly assumption that Princess Cornelia, Governor of Area Eleven, had had something to do with it; maybe due to the influence of her younger sister, Vice-Governor Princess Euphemia, who made no secret of the fact that she thought of Suzaku as a friend despite his birth.

It hadn't earned him any fans, but either way, he was a lot more powerful now, almost equal to Cecile in rank.

Still looking at it, he reached up and carefully untied the grass "prayer beads"; turning away and crossing the room, he knotted it again once it was off and hung it from one of the short posts at the headboard of his bed. He glanced up at the window – the world outside had been stained truly grey, the rain coming down harder than ever. It was hard to believe that only a few hours ago – hours? Was it hours? He checked the clock at his bedside and saw that it was almost four in the afternoon – the sun had been valiantly shining, so pleasantly warm that it had lulled him to sleep in that strange, tiny Japan Lelouch had shared with him.

…That was what it had been like. It had been untouched by war, untouched by Britannia, just as Japan had been when Lelouch and Suzaku had first met. Stepping through that overgrowth had been like stepping through the years, battling backwards, until they reached those final days in which they were friends but their countries were not.

He heard the bathroom door unlock and turned just as Lelouch emerged, rubbing his hair dry with a white towel. He was dressed in the clothes Suzaku had lent him, both garments clearly too big for his slender frame.

"Feel better?" Suzaku asked, smiling a little as Lelouch lowered the towel – his damp hair was sticking up in all directions.

"Yeah." Lelouch tried to smooth his hair down. "Do you have a comb?"

"On the dresser." Suzaku headed towards the bathroom himself, passing him. "I'm going to go and have a shower myself. There's room on the radiator for the rest of your clothes."

"Oh. Okay." Lelouch went to locate the comb, not looking at Suzaku. He actually hadn't looked fully at him since his emergence from the bathroom, probably because the Japanese boy was wandering around in just his underwear again.

Suzaku found it amusing, really – it seemed to be almost a formality on Lelouch's part, the way he immediately and obediently averted his gaze the moment he realised that Suzaku was wearing considerably less than he had been the last time he had looked at him.

He'd dried off quite a bit by now, but got in the shower anyway to warm up. The welcomeness of the warmth, sluicing over his skin like liquid sun, reminded him of that time, almost a fortnight ago now, he had stood beneath the shower in the hot spring resort to heat his blood back up after plunging into an icy lake to save Lelouch.

He leaned back against the glass, tilting his head back and closing his eyes as the hot water rained down on him. It was silly, but… ever since that incident, he felt that he didn't really want to leave Lelouch by himself—

No, not by himself. It was more like… Suzaku didn't care who else was around Lelouch, because he felt anxious about him when he wasn't with him, even knowing that he was with Rivalz or Shirley or Nunnally or whoever. It was idiotic. He knew it was. Lelouch had survived for seven years since that time they had spent together as children – parentless, managing to look after Nunnally as well as himself. It wasn't as though he couldn't fend for himself, but… watching him vanish beneath that ice and not surface again; knowing that if he hadn't been there, Lelouch would have died…

He couldn't explain it – not without sounding ridiculously overprotective of a boy who was actually several months older than him, anyway. All he knew was that he wanted to be with him more than he was able, to pledge himself to him, to be the sword and shield that went before him…

His knight. Lelouch had said that before. Twice before.

That Suzaku should be his knight.

Not that that was possible. Suzaku wasn't a high enough rank to be considered for knighthood and Lelouch wasn't entitled to a knight anyway, having rejected his public status as a prince.

Still, he was Britannian, and Suzaku was part of the Britannian Army. It was his job to protect Britannian civilians, so maybe that was enough.

He shut off the shower and stepped out, quickly towelling off and pulling his underwear back on, throwing on the robe hanging from the back of the bathroom door and tying it so that Lelouch would look at him when he spoke to him. It was Japanese, off-white, with a black and gold phoenix embroidered on the back.

Lelouch was over at the wardrobe looking at his army uniform when he stepped out of the bathroom; he didn't turn to Suzaku, maybe not hearing him, acknowledging him only when he stopped behind him.

"You weren't wearing this the day we met again," Lelouch said expressionlessly, glancing at him over his shoulder.

"No, this is more formal. I wear specialised equipment into combative situations."

"I didn't know you were a Major." Lelouch looked back up at the uniform, his tone still rather despondent.

"Oh, I was promoted not that long ago."

"You didn't say."

"I didn't think you'd be interested." Suzaku shrugged. "It has nothing to do with—"

"Me."

"No, no…" Suzaku rubbed at his damp hair. "I was going to say "school". Because, you know, we go to school together, and I don't think my army rank really has anything—"

"You're with Engineering Corps, aren't you?"

"Uh, yes." Suzaku frowned. "How did you know that?"

"You told me."

"Did I?"

Lelouch nodded, still not looking at him.

"Why don't you have a room-mate?" he asked, changing the subject abruptly.

"I came too late in the term. They took the other bed out because there was no chance of anyone sharing with me."

"Is that what they told you?"

"Lelouch." Suzaku really wasn't in the mood for this right now. "Don't start. Whatever the reason, if this is what was decided, then that's fine with me."

"Yes, everything's always fine with you, isn't it…?" Lelouch muttered darkly, not really speaking to the young soldier.

"Lelouch," Suzaku said again; though he had nothing to add to the utterance of his best friend's name, instead daring to reach up and gently lay his lands on the Britannian boy's slender shoulders.

Lelouch jumped a little at his touch, clearly not expecting it. He went very still. Suzaku slid his thumbs down over shoulder blades, frowning.

"You're really tense," he said, running his fingers firmly down Lelouch's back, feeling the tension in the muscles. "You shouldn't lean so far over your desk when you're working; it's not good for your back…"

"We can't all sit bolt upright all the time like you, Mr Trained Solider," Lelouch bit out; but he seemed to be enjoying the feel of Suzaku's hands, making a funny little squeaking sound when the Japanese boy pressed hard into a muscle near the small of his back.

"Hm." Suzaku turned Lelouch around and started to steer him towards the bed. "Look, lie down. I can't do it properly if you're standing up."

"Oh, so you give massages now?" Lelouch said, seeming rather taken aback by this sudden strange turn of events.

"I'm hardly an expert, but I know roughly where all the muscles and ligaments and stuff are – it's mostly for First Aid purposes."

"So you've never done this before?"

"I'm not going to hurt you. Trust me, you'll feel so much better afterwards." Suzaku gestured to the bed when they reached it. "Lie down on your stomach. You can keep your shirt on – it's quite thin."

"…Alright." Lelouch lay down on the bed with very little ceremony, making himself comfortable.

Suzaku stood at the side of the bed and looked down at him for a long moment; again, it had been easy to start manhandling his muscles when he hadn't been expecting it, but now that he was lying there, perfectly still, waiting to be touched, Suzaku found himself hesitating.

It was all the wrong way up and he knew it, but he couldn't help his pointless dithering.

"Suzaku," Lelouch said impatiently, "you can make paper cranes on my back if you want, but do something. I feel like an idiot."

"Sorry." Suzaku abruptly sat down on the edge of the bed, pushed back the wide sleeves of his robe and reached over towards Lelouch's shoulders, starting with the muscles between his shoulder blades and sinking his fingers into them without thinking about it. He heard Lelouch exhale, perhaps taken by surprise. "Sorry," he muttered again. "Did that hurt?"

"No, it's just…" Lelouch squirmed a little under his touch. "It feels good, just… ah, kind of…" He sucked in another breath as Suzaku's firm fingers worked their way down, pressing hard into the sensitive area around the top of his spine. "Okay, yeah… it h-hurts, but…"

"I know what you mean." Suzaku worked the knots out of a muscle towards the middle of Lelouch's back. "Some of it will be uncomfortable, but bear with me. Tell me if I'm being too rough."

Lelouch gave a nod and fell silent – but for the odd little noise here and there whenever Suzaku started on a particularly sore or sensitive spot.

Suzaku concentrated hard on it, getting better at it the further down Lelouch's slender back he went; at first trying to remember what he knew about muscle groups and where they were in the structure of the human back, but gradually learning his way around by touch instead. It was true that he'd never given anyone a back massage before, knowing how to soothe muscles more as a warm-down exercise after combat training, but he was obviously alright at it, since Lelouch hadn't told him to stop, nor even to soften his touch.

In all honesty, he had to admit that he found this kind of… interesting. In lying still and completely silent, Lelouch had shut off his personality, rendering himself as nothing but a purely physical being that Suzaku could know only by touch alone. He was human, but in a purely biological sense, his body reacting to the way that Suzaku touched him only because Suzaku was manipulating his muscles, forcing them to stretch or spasm, draining the ache out of him by corporeal command rather than emotional. He was dehumanised in every other way aside from his physical being – his shell, even.

It was a separation of ghost from machine.

Machine. Yes, maybe it was like… Well. Lelouch. Lancelot. They were two very different things. If nothing else – sakuradite for blood and steel for skin and Yggdrasil Drive for heart notwithstanding – Suzaku could never hope to control Lelouch the way he did the Lancelot. Despite how laughably fragile humans were – and how easy to create, overpopulating the Earth effortlessly – they somehow remained more complex than even a machine as advanced as Lloyd's precious, ever-enhancing Knightmare.

Maybe it was simply ironic, but the fact remained that no matter how much better than humans Lloyd made the Lancelot, it still lacked the capacity to both do something stupid and to make a reason for it; greed or anger or revenge or hatred or love.

But that was Lelouch now – silent, surrendered completely beneath Suzaku's sway. With every little motion of Lelouch's governed entirely by the way in which Suzaku touched him, he was as much of a mechanical plaything for the boy believed to be Britannia's best pilot as the Lancelot. It was Suzaku who synchronised with him. It was Suzaku who made him move. It was Suzaku who controlled him.

At this moment, Lelouch Lamperouge was nothing but a machine.

And so Suzaku loved him.

He wanted to slide his hands up underneath the shirt he'd lent Lelouch. It was true that it was thin, and true that he was able to feel almost every detail of Lelouch's back through the fabric, but it still felt unbearably in his way – well, that, and the fact that it was actually his own shirt to begin with made him feel rather cheated. He restrained himself, however. He had no excuse for it but that he wanted to better acquaint himself with Lelouch's skin, and that wasn't an excuse. Besides, the last time he had tried to forcibly move a piece of Lelouch's clothing that he'd felt was rather in his way, Lelouch had gotten all flustered and shrank away from him and the whole situation had become very awkward.

So he didn't – and when he was done, finishing at the very depth of the small of Lelouch's back, he didn't linger, withdrawing his hands and folding them in his lap.

"Are you finished?" Lelouch asked after a long moment of silence.

"Yeah. I think I got all the knots out. How does it feel?"

Lelouch knelt up on the bedsheets, flexing his shoulder blades and stretching out his spine.

"Wow," he muttered, more to himself. "That feels… really good…"

Suzaku smiled as Lelouch turned towards him.

"Told you," he replied quietly. "Maybe you'll start sitting up straighter now."

"Suzaku," Lelouch said patiently, "I can't sit up straight and sleep in class. I have to prioritise."

"Note to self: Bring compass to class tomorrow."

"Oh, you're ridiculous," Lelouch snorted. "Giving me a back massage one minute and then threatening to stab me with a mathematical instrument the next…" He crawled over behind Suzaku, who was still sitting on the edge of the bed, and ran his hands over his shoulders – broader, stronger, straighter. "I'll give you a massage, too. It's only fair."

Suzaku blinked, glancing at Lelouch over his shoulder.

"Do you even know how?" he asked; although it wasn't concern that Lelouch didn't know where the latissimus dorsi muscle was that made his heart-rate pick up.

"No, but you said you'd never done it before, either," Lelouch replied absently. "I'm sure I can figure it out…"

"O-okay…" Suzaku couldn't help but stiffen a little as he felt his friend paw curiously at his shoulders, though he tried to make it as imperceptible as possible so that Lelouch wouldn't notice.

Lelouch wasn't bold enough, not pressing into his muscles as firmly as he should to really work them over, and it was clear he didn't really have a clue what he was doing, but it still felt quite nice – although Suzaku had a feeling that that might have something more to do with the fact that he knew it was Lelouch who was "massaging" him…

Lelouch stopped. Suzaku felt him trail his hands over the very middle of his back – the place where the phoenix was embroidered on his robe.

"Is this Japanese?" he asked after a moment's pause.

"Oh, uh… yeah," Suzaku replied, looking straight ahead at his army uniform, hanging pristinely from the wardrobe door. "I've had it for years."

"What kind of bird is this?" Lelouch went on – although Suzaku got the impression that he already knew.

"It's a phoenix."

"That's not a real bird."

"Of course not. They die and come back to life. Nothing can do that."

Lelouch didn't say anything in response to that for a long time.

"Do you mind loosening it a bit so that I can push it down?" he asked, returning the topic back to the robe itself. "It's too thick – I can't get at your back properly."

"…Sure, I guess…" The request taking him by surprise, Suzaku slowly undid the knot tying the robe shut, making it easier for Lelouch to grasp it and slide it down over Suzaku's shoulders; it fell away and pooled at his waist, baring the whole of his torso.

Lelouch laid his hands – cool, with slender fingers – on Suzaku's exposed shoulders, but did not resume his "massage". Suzaku merely sat very still, looking fixedly at his army uniform, bewildered by the fact that one minute Lelouch wouldn't so much as look at him shirtless and the next ordered him to loosen his robe.

At long last, Lelouch moved his hands again – but he seemed to have settled his attention on something else, his fingertips trailing down over Suzaku's skin until he reached a spot a little beneath his right shoulder blade.

"This scar…" he murmured at length, ghosting his thumb over it. "…This is where you were shot, isn't it? For disobeying the order… to kill me."

Suzaku frowned, dipping his head a little.

"That's right," he replied blandly. "It's only a little scar, though. If I hadn't been carrying—" He stopped abruptly and gave a little sigh. "Well, I have this watch," he resumed, his voice sinking very low, "and it protected me from the brunt of the bullet."

"You'd probably have died otherwise."

"Yes, I probably would have. It was a point-blank shot."

"And it was lucky that your commanding officer shot you in exactly the same place you were carrying the watch."

"Very lucky."

"So in refusing to kill me… you almost lost your own life – and would have, had you not been the recipient of a stroke of freak luck."

"That's one way of putting it."

"So you really should have killed me."

"No, I shouldn't have – and I'm glad I didn't." Suzaku still didn't glance back at him; closing his eyes, paring down his perception to nothing but the sensation of Lelouch caressing the scar. "I knew what would happen for disobeying an order – after all, I was only a Private then, and an Honorary Britannian Private, at that."

"You knew he'd shoot you for refusing to kill me?" Lelouch repeated incredulously.

"I knew that it was highly likely. I refused anyway." Suzaku gave a little shake of his head. "I didn't regret it – even when I heard him pull the gun on me."

"You're an idiot."

"Well, you owe this idiot your life." Suzaku fidgeted with the belt of his robe. "If that order had been given to anyone else, they wouldn't have refused."

"…I know that." Lelouch took his hands off Suzaku's back completely. "I never said that I wasn't grateful, Suzaku."

Suzaku couldn't help but smile.

"You're grateful that I'm an idiot?"

"Of course. I mean, jumping into a frozen lake? Only an idiot would do that."

"No – only an idiot would fall in."

Lelouch gave a huffy little sigh.

"I guess I can't argue with that," he muttered.

Suzaku felt him shift on the mattress, moving away from him, but kept his eyes closed; opening them only when Lelouch, who had stepped down off the bed, resettled himself on Suzaku's lap, straddling his thighs.

"Does this mean you've given up on the massage?" Suzaku muttered, finding that he now couldn't look at his army uniform to distract himself as Lelouch was completely in the way.

Lelouch nodded.

"Yes," he said morosely. "But it wasn't very good anyway… I don't seem to be doing anything very well today, do I? My prayer beads didn't come out the way I wanted them to and even my class-skipping was interrupted by a sudden torrential downpour…"

"Maybe it's me," Suzaku replied. "Maybe I'm bad luck."

"No, no. Black cats are bad luck." Lelouch smirked. "Like Arthur."

"I thought black cats were good luck."

"Not for you."

"Yeah, cats don't seem to like me much. I wish they did."

"Well, Arthur doesn't seem to like Milly a great deal either now – not since the last time she tried to dress him up."

"Oh, I wondered why he scratched her…"

Suzaku trailed off. The situation was congealing again, fast. He was painfully aware of it, and so, it seemed, was Lelouch. They were ridiculously close, their position extremely suggestive, with Suzaku half-naked and Lelouch in his lap, but yet they were making small talk about the Student Council's adopted pet.

Lelouch suddenly leaned towards him; Suzaku, surprised and relieved all at once, mirrored the motion—

But Lelouch didn't kiss him. Instead he rested his forehead against Suzaku's shoulder, loosely entangled his arms around the Japanese boy's neck and gave a deep but silent sigh, holding him in that lazy embrace as Suzaku himself tried to recalculate the situation so that he could respond accordingly.

He wrapped his arms around Lelouch's waist. Okay, so now they were pretty much… cuddling. Kind of.

It was a start – and infinitely better than talking about who Arthur hated.

"Hey," Lelouch said, not lifting his head, "will you teach me how to make a paper crane? Nunnally tried to show me but I couldn't do it."

"Then what makes you think that I'll be able to teach you?"

"Just a hunch."

"Okay, I'll try."

But they didn't move.

"Suzaku," Lelouch started again after another long bout of silence, "…do you like me?"

Suzaku blinked.

"Of course I like you," he replied. "You're my best friend."

He felt Lelouch laugh more so than he heard it.

"I knew you'd say that," Lelouch said, finally raising his head so that he could look at Suzaku properly. "I also know… that you know that's not what I meant."

"Then… what did you mean?" Suzaku asked innocently.

Lelouch's smile became a flatline; he heaved another quiet sigh, unwrapped his arms from around Suzaku's neck and got off his lap.

"I'll admit that you have your slow moments at times," he retorted waspishly, sauntering over to the head of the bed, "but I know for a fact that you're not that stupid." He threw himself down on the bed in clear irritation, resting his head on the pillow and drawing his knees up so that he could curl on his side.

Suzaku sat for a long moment, the abruptness of Lelouch's departure from his lap leaving him temporarily stunned, as though he couldn't quite believe that it had happened. When he finally looked at the Britannian boy, it was apparent to him that said Britannian boy – ex-prince – had well and truly settled into Major Sulk Mode.

Suppressing a sigh of his own, Suzaku pulled his robe back up, clambered onto the mattress properly and crawled over to Lelouch; he set his hands either side of the violet-eyed boy's shoulders, the action assertive enough to make Lelouch roll onto his back to look up at him.

Neither of them said anything. Lelouch still looked rather sulky, his purple eyes regarding Suzaku crossly. When Suzaku still didn't move any further, the Britannian boy gave a frustrated little groan and muttered "Oh, for god's sake…" very blackly to himself, looking away again.

So Suzaku grabbed his shoulders, hauled him upright and kissed him.

Lelouch seemed shocked at first, presumably having not expected Suzaku to take the initiative after so long of not taking the initiative, but after a moment relief appeared to wash over him and he sank against the Japanese boy, falling into the kiss properly, reaching up to entangle his arms about Suzaku's neck again.

Wrapping his own arms around Lelouch's back, Suzaku sank down with him to the bedsheets, pinning him. Lelouch didn't seem to mind, squirming a little to fit beneath Suzaku's body as if they were designed to slot together like this. After a moment's debate, Suzaku gently slid his hands out from beneath the arch of Lelouch's back and moved them across his belly, getting his fingers beneath the hem of the green T-shirt. If Lelouch noticed, he didn't react, far more interested in keeping Suzaku's mouth fused with his own. Suzaku slipped his hands up between the thin material of the T-shirt and Lelouch's skin, feeling how warm the Britannian boy was; his fingertips traced a blind map beneath the fabric, skipping over the faint ridges of Lelouch's ribs and up, skating over his thin chest and collarbone.

He was so delicate, so skinny, that it wasn't really normal; for a boy of his age and height, he probably should have had more weight on him – Suzaku knew that.

But he felt perfect.

Lelouch grew a little bolder himself, sliding his hands down from Suzaku's neck to pull at his robe again, opening it. Suzaku had to break from him for breath at this point, kneeling back a little; Lelouch clung to him, hitching a ride upwards, and, after a moment of panting for air himself, started to kiss at Suzaku's throat, working down over his collarbone and onto his chest. They were very tiny kisses, dry and fluttering, but Suzaku loved the feel of each of them, losing count rather quickly. He slid his hands out from under Lelouch's shirt, placing one at the back of the other boy's neck, silky threads of dark hair slipping between his fingers.

"Hey, Suzaku," Lelouch suddenly murmured, nuzzling against Suzaku's throat, "do you think this feels good?"

"The kisses…?"

"All of it. Being this close."

"O-of course…" Suzaku stroked the nape of his neck to assert the sentiment.

"Because I wonder… what it would feel like to be even closer…" Lelouch slipped his hands down over Suzaku's chest and stomach, trailing languidly but definitely towards his underwear. "Humans… can be closer than even this."

"Mm." Lulled along by the softness of Lelouch's tone, the suggestiveness of his words, Suzaku let his own hands migrate southbound, settling at the elastic waistband of the grey jogging pants resting low on Lelouch's hips.

Reading his intention, Lelouch lifted himself off the mattress a little so that Suzaku could begin slipping them down; but when Lelouch slipped his own hand into Suzaku's boxers, the Japanese boy came back to his senses, taking Lelouch's wrist and removing his hand again rather firmly.

"Don't you think… this is all going a little bit fast?" he said breathlessly, still holding Lelouch's wrist. "I mean, I've only been at Ashford for a month or two—"

"Suzaku, we've known each other since we were ten," Lelouch retorted, very put out.

"Yeah, but… we were separated for years – when you think about it that way, you've known Shirley or Rivalz longer than you've known me."

"But I don't—"

"And anyway," Suzaku interrupted, "even if that wasn't case and we hadn't been separated, we haven't even… I mean, we've just kissed a few times, and now we're already…?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Lelouch replied sarcastically, pulling his wrist back. "I wasn't aware that you had a three-date rule, Suzaku."

"It's not…" Suzaku gave an impatient sigh. "Look, I just don't want this to be because… we were apart for so long, or because you feel grateful that I saved you—"

"Well, it's not – it's not a happy-to-see-you, and it's not a thankyou, or…" Lelouch's eyes narrowed. "Unless this isn't about that after all."

"Wh… what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, Suzaku, that this had better not be because you're an "Eleven"," Lelouch spat. "Because I am getting very sick of this. You know that doesn't mean a thing to me."

"It's you I'm worried about!" Suzaku burst out. "People like Jason Kingsley have already proven that they'll turn on anyone who so much as dares to act civil to an Elev— I mean, someone like me. I accept that they'll never like me, never see me as equal, but I can't let that affect you too, Lelouch. I don't want to put you in that position."

"People like…?" Lelouch trailed off in incredulity. "What the hell does this have to do with "people like Jason Kingsley", Suzaku?! It has nothing to do with them – it has nothing to do with anyone except you and me!"

"But it's not that simple, is it?" Suzaku replied calmly. "No matter what you say, we aren't the same. We have different backgrounds, different blood, and we're separated by a class system. You can say it doesn't matter all you want, but you can't dispute the fact that it's there."

"Oh, I know it's there," Lelouch said in a low voice, "but I see no reason why it should invade every last inch of what we have. When I met you, you weren't an "Eleven". You were Japanese. And to me, the only difference between the Suzaku then and the Suzaku now is that you aren't ten years old." He grabbed at Suzaku's robe, leaning towards him. "Are you going to let them do this to us? Are you going to keep on letting them tear us from each other? And for what? A reason no longer than six letters?"

"Lelouch—"

"Because that's what it is," Lelouch hissed, not letting him speak. "Eleven. It's a word – a word describing a numerical value. It doesn't describe a person. It doesn't mean anything outside of numerical practice. It's an idiotic word to use to describe a human being, and anyone who uses it as such is a moron. How can you accept them calling you something so meaningless, Suzaku? If they'd been told to call you anything else… Oh, I don't know, Car or Book or Sandwich, then they would! You aren't an "Eleven" – that doesn't even make sense!"

"Lelouch, stop it," Suzaku said firmly, grasping Lelouch by his elbows and giving him a little shake. "I hate it when you're like this. You can't change the world, you know."

Lelouch looked up at him balefully, his amethyst eyes alive with a dull, steely glint.

"He did," he said quietly.

Suzaku let go of him, pushing him away impatiently.

"You shouldn't let it bother you so much," he said stiffly. "How Britannians choose to treat me is my problem."

"How can you say that?" Lelouch snapped, sounding rather hurt. "It's their problem if they treat you badly simply because of where you were born—"

"Why do you care so much?" Suzaku asked coldly, looking away.

"Because I love you!" Lelouch flung back at him angrily.

Suzaku looked back at him cautiously, not quite sure he'd heard him right. Lelouch met his gaze, completely silent, looking very sulky and indignant, as though furious that Suzaku had – somehow, unknowingly, impressively – managed to trick him into admitting his feelings.

Eventually, however, Lelouch could hold his gaze no longer and dropped his own to the bedsheets.

"I don't care if you don't love me back," he muttered. "That's… how I feel, and if you're going to continuously put the feelings of racist bastards like Jason Kingsley in front of mine, then you—"

He cut himself off as Suzaku took hold of him again, pulling him close, as though in part to comfort them both and in part to silence him, to hold him so tightly that he suffocated his words.

"You shouldn't," Suzaku murmured against him.

"Why? Because they said?" Lelouch clutched at him almost aggressively. "But why should they have any say? Why should what they think matter? Suzaku, I want it to be like it was before, where I'm Britannian and you're Japanese but it doesn't matter anyway – where it's not even an afterthought, and certainly not a factor of whatever kind of relationship we have. I don't want it to be… that I love you even though you're Japanese and I'm Britannian. I want it to be like that summer, when we were friends because—"

"But you said that you didn't want our friendship to be like that anymore!" Suzaku interrupted. "You said that you wanted it to change."

"Yes – for us!" Lelouch put his hands at either side of Suzaku's face, locking their gazes. "I want it to change and be more because we want it to be more. I don't want it to change because of what anyone else says. If we ever become enemies, I want it to be because we chose to become enemies – not because we were told that we had to be." He gave a small, dejected sigh, closing his eyes and leaning forwards a little, resting his forehead against Suzaku's. "…And I love you because I want to," he said very quietly, as though speaking to himself. "There's no other reason – and nor should there be."

Suzaku opened his mouth, but found that he had nothing to say to that. Honestly, it was actually a more mature argument than he'd been expecting. Even if there was defiance of his father's laws in Lelouch – and there certainly was – it wasn't pure defiance that drew him towards Suzaku. As he'd said, he didn't love Suzaku because he shouldn't – he loved him simply because he loved him, which he believed was the only reason for which he should love him. Almost everything about Lelouch Lamperouge was a lie or a sham, even his name, but he was so disarmingly honest about loving another boy, and an "Eleven" one at that… It was as though Suzaku had pulled back the top layer of his being – cool, calm, distant – and was looking at the circuits, the mechanism, beneath.

His need for him surged. It wasn't that Suzaku didn't love him when he seemed completely human – but when he became like a machine…

The way Suzaku suddenly grabbed at him, hard and possessive, seemed to take Lelouch very much by surprise; although he didn't get a chance to voice his shock, finding Suzaku completely dominating his mouth. He let himself be pushed back to the mattress, Suzaku feeling him tangle his arms around his neck as he had before; and as he overcame the Britannian boy completely, Suzaku realised that it was only he who was able to make Lelouch drop his shield like this. It wasn't in Lelouch's nature to surrender himself to people, but with Suzaku, he didn't even seem to fight.

Maybe he felt safe with Suzaku – so safe, in fact, that he didn't seem to mind being hacked by him.

"Do you still want to know…" Suzaku breathed between kisses, "what it feels like… to be even closer… than this?"

Lelouch opened his eyes enough to look up at him and gave a small nod.

"Y-yes, because… humans can be closer… than this, but…" He turned his head aside as Suzaku began to devour his throat. "H-how much closer…? How joined can two… separate beings be…?"

He even spoke in diagnostics.

Lloyd had asked how close two separate beings – man and machine – could be. Suzaku, the pilot of the Lancelot, felt that he knew the answer.

Lelouch had asked how close two separate beings – man and man – could be. Suzaku, Lelouch's best friend, knew that he didn't know the answer.

But it was all experimentation. It was all process. If he wanted to know, he had to learn. That much he knew.

Lelouch seemed to know that too. He obliged without a word when Suzaku hooked his thumbs inside the waistband of the jogging pants again and told him to lift his hips; the thick grey material slid down his legs and off with ease.

Suzaku had seen his legs before, of course – grudgingly clothed in gym shorts whenever Lelouch was, on the odd occasion, unable to escape his fate. Long, pale, with muscle enough to give them shape but otherwise appearing fairly devoid of any indicator of physical strength; they were curiously graceful in any normal activity, but Lelouch immediately tripped over them when it came to class basketball or running track.

"Are you just going to stare at me?" Lelouch asked irritably, propping himself up on his elbows.

"Oh, I… sorry," Suzaku muttered; he reached out towards Lelouch, took hold of him around his ribcage and hoisted him upright. "That's better – lift your arms so I can take the shirt off…"

Lelouch obliged, allowing Suzaku to pull the green T-shirt off over his head, leaving him naked but for his black underwear. Suzaku thought it fascinating how anyone could look so awkward and yet elegant at the same time. Unclothed like this, with nothing to hide his slimness, Suzaku was almost afraid to touch him, never mind slam him to the mattress. The idle joke that he might shatter him into a thousand little pieces if he was too rough with him didn't seem quite so much of a joke now – and Suzaku knew that he wasn't the gentlest person in the world.

How different they were – and how obvious it was, especially now. When Lelouch had showered kisses down Suzaku's chest, he had gone muscle-by-muscle, trailing over pectorals and abs, all defined by years of training, but Lelouch himself… was very flat and sharp-angled, with the little definition he had being quite soft.

Either tired of being given the once-over or simply not caring that Suzaku could physically snap him in two, Lelouch leaned up for another kiss, pressing his slight frame into Suzaku's larger one. Suzaku gingerly wrapped his arms around him, resting his palm at the back of his neck again – and realising, even though he hadn't before, that he could almost fit his hand around Lelouch's neck.

So he was torn. He badly wanted Lelouch, wanted to experience the ultimate "closeness" of humans with him, to see if it was the same as piloting the Lancelot or worse or better; but knowing his strength, knowing that he could so easily hurt someone as underwhelming and trusting as Lelouch, and knowing what he was capable of, made him want to recoil and keep Lelouch safe by pushing him away.

"Suzaku…" Lelouch pulled back from him. "What's the matter? Are you… having second thoughts?" It was as though the thought hadn't occurred to the Britannian boy before, but now his face flushed slightly pink and he glanced away. "I'm sorry, maybe you're not… I mean, if you think you're actually straight and you're just doing this to keep me happy—"

"It isn't that," Suzaku interrupted, making Lelouch look up at him again. "I mean, I… well, that doesn't really matter, but it's not me, it's…" He gave a sigh, getting impatient with himself. "Are you sure… you really want this?"

Lelouch rolled his eyes.

"Not this again," he muttered blackly. "Yes, I do, and we could have been done with it by now if you didn't keep stopping to ask me that. Honestly, you make it sound as though I'm about to sign away my soul…"

"…Sorry." Suzaku took hold of him very carefully, still afraid to touch him with too much force. "W-well, if I want to, and if you want to, then…"

"Then there's no problem." Lelouch glanced at Suzaku's hands, noting the scarcity of his touch. "Suzaku, you've hit me a lot harder than this and not broken me. I'm more robust than I look, trust me."

Suzaku obediently tightened his grip.

"You… you will tell me if I'm hurting you, though, won't you?" he murmured.

"Of course I will." Lelouch squirmed out of Suzaku's grasp, lying back again. "Now hurry up, before I really do change my mind."

"Okay…"

Suzaku shrugged his robe off and leaned over Lelouch, hands on the mattress either side of him; Lelouch looked up at him expectantly, his near-nakedness still very strange. They were actually in the same state now – in only their underwear – but Suzaku doubted that Lelouch felt the same way about it. Clothing, and uniforms in particular, was something exclusively and implicitly human. Different styles held the meanings of different codes; social, cultural, personal. Wearing a Japanese kimono and hakama or wearing a Britannian Army uniform… one implied a sense of clinging to washed-under values, while the other implied an acceptance of defeat and assimilation into the ways of the conqueror.

So it was ironic that clothing held so much meaning when humans tore it off in order to be closer to one another. In that sense, did nakedness make them less human… or more?

Either way, again he quite felt that Lelouch was far more of a machine like this – maybe because he lay still and gave him himself up to Suzaku completely, waiting for him to take control of him and do what he would, rather like the Lancelot, which had no mind of its own and instead took share of his.

…He didn't quite know what to do, to be honest – wasn't sure where to start, had no idea what Lelouch would like and where, but he reasoned that he had enjoyed touching Lelouch before, understanding his structure by his hands, and that Lelouch hadn't seemed to mind, so he reached out and started at the Britannian boy's collarbone, fingers tracing the jut of it through his paper-thin skin. Lelouch gave a little sigh, the meaning behind which was impossible to read, and closed his eyes, allowing Suzaku to reacquaint himself with his slender body without disruption; so Suzaku tried to map it out as he had memorised the map of the Lancelot's control panel.

Lelouch was infinitely more sensitive, though. It was obvious as Suzaku further explored him – he moved, gave little sighs or gasps, reached for Suzaku's hair and tangled his fingers in the wild curls, still a little damp. He made an odd sound, very tiny, almost like a grunt and a gasp bled together, when Suzaku touched his left nipple, and jerked violently beneath him, as though Suzaku had managed to jumpstart something in him.

"Sorry." Suzaku was aware that he was saying "Sorry" a lot, almost as a reflex action spurred by Lelouch's reactions to either his words or ministrations; nonetheless, he withdrew his hand.

"No, no…" Lelouch opened his eyes impatiently. "Suzaku, that felt good."

"But… you made that sound and I thought—"

"Because I liked it!" Lelouch grabbed at his hand and firmly put it back on his chest. "There – now do it properly."

Suzaku couldn't help but smile. It was such a prince-like demand. Either way, it was clear that Lelouch certainly had a mind of his own – the Lancelot had never irritably told Suzaku to do something properly.

He trailed his hands downwards again, re-learning Lelouch's structure – re-learning, he felt, almost everything about him. This was separated so much from everything else they shared, or had ever shared – childhood or day-to-day school life or simply spending time together as friends – and so it had its own rules, its own reality. It was like the ruined shrine that Lelouch had shared with him, completely cut off from the outside world which was so unfair.

Lelouch twisted on the sheets beneath Suzaku's touch, arching off them when fingers ran over his nipples again, gentle at first, but the contact becoming hard and bruising the more he reacted; Suzaku's confidence growing the more control Lelouch gave him.

Suzaku bent to kiss one as his hands slithered lower, his curious stroking exploring the flat region, an Old World Earth, of Lelouch's belly; Lelouch writhed, giving a coughing little cry as he pushed upwards helplessly into Suzaku's mouth, his back leaving the mattress as far as the young soldier's weight would allow. Suzaku was mildly surprised – he would never have thought Lelouch quite this physically receptive (though perhaps that was only because he always looked so bored by everything).

He lifted his mouth and moved across to kiss the other, then down to meet his own hands, sprinkling kisses, as Lelouch had done, on the Britannian boy's stomach to distract him from the fact that his hands were going lower still. At last he reached the waistband of Lelouch's underwear, sitting quite low on his narrow hips. He paused for a moment, then grasped at it and began to pull—

"Wait." Lelouch suddenly sat up, batting him off. "I, uh…"

"Sorry." Suzaku snatched his hands back. "Was that… was it too soon? Or don't you—"

"No, no," Lelouch interrupted. "It's just… I should have asked before, but do you… have anything?" He glanced away, his face flushing pink again. "I mean, to… to make it… you know, easier."

"To make…?" Suzaku's eyes widened in sudden understanding. "Oh, right, yeah…" He glanced wildly around the room. "I, um… I-I'll just go… check in the bathroom…"

He hesitated, then scrambled off the bed and darted away towards the bathroom, leaning against the wall once he was in. He could feel the heat flaring in his face – it had been a perfectly sensible request, of course, but it was something that Suzaku himself had forgotten all about. Ironic, really, that he'd been so concerned about Lelouch's physical smallness, about the fact that he might accidentally hurt him, and hadn't even considered that…

He fumbled about the bathroom, picking up various bottles and looking at them to see what they were. Shampoo, shower gel… they were all no good. He had a quick rummage in the cabinet used mostly for First Aid supplies and found, buried at the back, an unopened tub of lotion for dry skin – he wasn't even sure why he had it, since the unbroken seal was proof enough that he'd clearly never felt the need to use it.

"Would this be okay?" he asked, bringing it back to show Lelouch.

"Looks alright," Lelouch replied nonchalantly, scanning over the ingredients.

"Okay, then – we'll use this." Suzaku knelt back on the sheets between Lelouch's legs and ran his nail along the seal keeping the tub shut, beginning to twist the lid off. "Ah, no, wait…" He suddenly aborted the motion and rather abruptly shoved the tub into Lelouch's hands. "It's going to go everywhere if I do that, I need to…" He looped his fingers beneath Lelouch's underwear and took it off with very little ceremony; Lelouch blinked at him in clear confusion but Suzaku didn't pay any attention to him, kneeling up to slip his own boxers off.

Stunned, not quite sure where to look, Lelouch wordlessly allowed Suzaku to take the tub back; Suzaku, part driven by need and part rather embarrassed and trying to cover for it, still didn't really offer him his attention, unscrewing the lid and putting it aside, plunging the first two fingers of his right hand straight into the lotion.

He did notice, however, that Lelouch promptly snapped his legs shut on seeing the forcefulness of the action.

"Oh," he started quickly, "I, um… I wasn't going to be so… I-I mean, I don't want to hurt you, hence…" He held up the tub to assert his meaning. "I would never…" He trailed off hopelessly, aware that his face had probably flooded with crimson again.

"I know, just…" Lelouch gave a small sigh. "Don't unsettle me like that…"

"Sorry."

"And stop apologising."

So Lelouch had noticed how much he was saying "Sorry". Suzaku shot him a guilty little grin, reaching over to put the tub of lotion on the bedside table.

"What should I say, then?" he asked, leaning down towards the Britannian boy.

"Don't say anything," Lelouch replied; he pushed himself up on his elbows, pressing his mouth to Suzaku's.

Suzaku let himself be pulled into the kiss, giving him his way and feeling him part his legs again as he relaxed, offering much better access; Suzaku slipped his hand underneath him and felt for his entrance. Lelouch was rather distracted, apparently not paying much attention to whatever his friend was doing aside from kissing him – Suzaku gave a sudden push and slid his first finger, slick with lotion, up into him.

Lelouch bit him.

"Lelouch!" Suzaku snapped his head back and wiped at his bleeding bottom lip with his free hand.

"I'm sorry!" Lelouch retorted breathlessly. "You should have… warned me you were… going to do that!"

"I didn't want you to tense up."

"I didn't mean to bite you, Suzaku. I said I was sorry. Here." Lelouch took his shoulder and pulled him back down to his level, licking away the blood.

"Now you're the one who keeps apologising," Suzaku murmured.

"I have a reason to," Lelouch replied, taking his mouth away again. "Although, so do you now…"

"Lelouch, I have to do this – I'm sure it's not comfortable but it'll hurt more if I don't—"

"Alright, spare me the detail." Lelouch lay back properly, resting his head on the pillow. "Do whatever you want, idiot."

That again. Suzaku looked down at him, the sour, salty taste of copper still in his mouth; the big violet eyes were wide open, returning his gaze but unreadable. Lelouch had said that before.

And he hadn't meant it. When what Suzaku had wanted had been against his wishes, he had manipulated the Japanese boy into complying with what he wanted instead. That kind of behaviour, the ability to bend other people's wills, was an anomaly of a purely human type.

It was not found in machines.

And yet, even though his odd analysis repeatedly concluded that Lelouch was un-machine-like – based on his physical responsiveness, his demanding behaviour and his twisted talent to make other people do as he desired – Suzaku couldn't help but feel that there was something mechanical about him, or about this, yet. With his finger inside him, he could feel the heat of him, feel every pulse, every movement of muscle; they were all signs that he was alive, but mechanised ones, unconscious, by-products of the fact that he was alive—

As in the Lancelot, by which the resonations of the Yggdrasil Drive, the sound of the Core Luminous, the pulse of the sakuradite were signs, but by-products, of the fact that he had ignited it.

But can you destroy as the Lancelot does, Lelouch…?

Suzaku moved his finger and Lelouch arched on the mattress again, his eyes squeezing shut; he reached back to claw at the pillow as Suzaku twisted his finger and pushed as deep as he could. Suzaku felt that he had driven him to helplessness again, gotten him back under his control, with every movement or sound Lelouch made governed by his ministrations upon him.

Lelouch seized up, however, when Suzaku worked in a second finger, his eyes snapping open again; he cried in pain and dragged his nails down Suzaku's back, perhaps in an effort to get him to retract the second digit.

Suzaku didn't. His back stinging, aware that Lelouch was still clinging to him, nails imbedded, he forced the second finger up to join the first, listening to the uneven rhythm of Lelouch's breathing, interspersed with little whines. Even though he was sorry that he was hurting his friend, he didn't say it. His worn-out buzzword was worthless now, with his fingers walking the walls of Lelouch's being.

He said nothing – and neither did Lelouch.

Towards the end Lelouch clutched around Suzaku's neck instead, nails out of him but leaving a scattered trail of sulky red crescent moons down his muscular back; his breathing had slowed and his spine had shaken off its rigidity as he got used to the feeling of Suzaku invading him.

(Frankly, Suzaku felt that he was worse off – he'd been bitten and scratched for his trouble. Lelouch appeared to have taken a leaf out of Arthur's book when it came to "defending himself" against Suzaku…)

He slipped his fingers out of Lelouch and bent down to give him a reassuring kiss on the forehead – his dark fringe had parted, baring the pale skin of it. Lelouch lay very still and let him do it, his violet eyes half-open; his arms fell away from being wrapped around Suzaku's neck when the Japanese boy leaned back again to reach for the tub of lotion.

"Are you… definitely sure?" he asked softly, pausing just as he was about to pick it up.

Lelouch gave a snort and looked away, not saying a word. Suzaku took that as a very grouchy "Yes, for god's sake!" and picked up the tub, scooping out another handful and reaching down to slick himself with it. He hadn't realised how erect he was, surprised to feel the heat and hardness beneath his hand – the coldness of the lotion was an unpleasant juxtaposition, making him give a little shudder. He made sure to cover himself completely, though, determined not to hurt Lelouch.

As prepared as he felt he could make himself, Suzaku leaned back over Lelouch, taking hold of the Britannian boy's thighs to better position him; Lelouch gave the impression of not being very interested, looking up at the ceiling, but Suzaku could feel him tensing up again in his grip.

"Lelouch…" Suzaku rubbed at his thighs comfortingly. "I would never hurt you on purpose."

"I know," Lelouch replied snippily, still not looking at him. "Don't worry about me. Just do it."

"I…" Suzaku gave a hopeless shake of his head. "Okay…" He leaned down towards him, pressing close to the smaller boy, feeling the tantalising closeness of their bare skin; he guided himself towards Lelouch's entrance and began to push—

But something – he wasn't quite sure what – made him open his eyes again to look at Lelouch and he stopped, washed under by a sudden, aching wave of pity.

"You're too tense," he said, sitting back again. "Lelouch, I can't do it unless you relax. I'll just hurt you."

"I'm sorry, okay?" Lelouch snapped, finally looking up at him; his eyes were a little wet, but the tears looked as though they were due purely to frustration at himself. "I can't help it; you were right to… well, to take me by surprise that other time, but…"

"What's wrong?"

"I'm scared," Lelouch said angrily. "I apologise, I know I probably seem all over the place, since I… well, I was the one who told you to stop worrying about hurting me, and I know you're not going to—"

"Lelouch…" Suzaku gave him a weak but very real little smile. "If you're scared, we don't… I mean, we don't have to do this—"

"Yes, we do!" Lelouch shook his head. "No, that's not what I… I mean that I want to, I just…" He looked away again, letting his hair fan across his face. "…I've never done this before."

Suzaku blinked.

"…With a boy, you mean?"

"Or a girl," Lelouch said irritably. "I mean at all, idiot."

"Oh." Suzaku almost laughed. "Well, neither have I, Lelouch."

"Oh, that's reassuring…" Lelouch muttered darkly.

"It is," Suzaku pressed. "Then there's no pressure. We can just… learn together, right?"

"If you say so."

But Lelouch sounded a little calmed by his words, and certainly less upset. Suzaku bent to kiss him again, slipping one hand beneath the back of his head, cradling his skull; Lelouch's retaliation stirred the wound in the Japanese boy's lip, bringing forth a little blood. It tasted unpleasant, but to Suzaku, it was also sort of… comforting. He was a soldier, after all – he'd tasted his own blood more times than he could count.

Sometimes, in the Lancelot, man and mind and machinery so closely interfaced, he gasped for breath and felt the sweat running off him and swore that he could taste blood.

So he went on instinct, as he would in battle; he felt Lelouch relax beneath him again, soothed by the meeting of their mouths, and didn't warn him. He entered him without a word of his own, capturing his cry with the cage of their kiss. Lelouch bucked underneath him, instinctively thrashing, but Suzaku didn't withdraw, instead doing his best to hold him still.

"You said you wanted this," Suzaku murmured, breaking the kiss and grabbing at Lelouch's slender shoulders. "Y-you said… you wanted to know what it felt like… for us to be this close…"

"I do, I just—" Lelouch cut himself off with a grimace. "…It hurts, Suzaku…!"

Suzaku didn't say anything, looming over him and buried inside his body; it didn't feel quite as he had expected, somehow. Not bad; hot and tight, and, as before, he could feel every example Lelouch unconsciously made of his being alive – so, really, it felt as it should. He didn't know what he'd been expecting.

But either way, everything within his perception had now been reduced to this. He and Lelouch could be no closer, and the feeling of it, the knowledge and the experience, dominated every square inch of his being, caressed every neuron and permeated every pore. Their pulses ran level, their breathing hitched in time, and Suzaku felt Lelouch's thin half-erection against his belly, just as he could feel himself inside Lelouch.

We're synchronised.

He could hold himself back no longer. Whether it was mad of him to compare this to piloting a Knightmare or not, he felt that same control, that same intimate level of synchronisation with the other being – man, machine – he was joined to. It seemed that that was simply how he was – he needed the object of his affection to submit to him completely before he fell utterly in love with it.

(He loved anything that he was in control of, and could overpower, but which was still capable of killing him.)

He gave an experimental thrust forward; it was clumsy and a bit shaky, and Lelouch shrieked and clawed at him, raking his nails over the Japanese boy's shoulders, but Suzaku didn't mind, mind and body both set on fire by the feeling of plunging himself into Lelouch. He could already feel the heat coiling like a tightly-set spring in the pit of his belly and knew he wouldn't last long, absolutely overwhelmed.

"I'll go… slow, okay?" he whispered.

Lelouch loosened his nails from Suzaku's flesh and gave a weary, somewhat-defeated nod; he didn't look as though he was enjoying himself at all. Suzaku kissed him on the forehead again as he slid back and then forwards again, keeping the rhythm as slow as he could manage. Lelouch still made a sound as Suzaku moved, but it didn't sound so pained; he lay loose and still, allowing Suzaku to gently rock back and forth against him.

"Le-Lelouch," Suzaku panted after a long few moments. "M-move with me… it'll feel better…" He reached down and took hold of Lelouch's narrow hips, making him rock in time with Suzaku himself – their hips moving in the same direction. He heard Lelouch give a little sigh as he pressed himself against the Japanese boy's hands, giving him more leverage.

They had resigned to a good rhythm – Suzaku doing most of the work but Lelouch going with it, making it easier – but then it slipped, Suzaku losing his stride and pulling at Lelouch's hips instead. Lelouch gave underneath him and Suzaku lost his balance, ending up crushed against him, close enough to feel the shudder rip through the Britannian boy's thin frame.

"What's wrong?" Suzaku managed to get out, pushing himself up again on shaky arms.

"Whatever… you just did…" Lelouch gasped in reply, "it felt amazing…"

"Oh…" Suzaku managed to smile. "That's good… Must have… been your prostate…"

"Do it again."

"I… I'll try, but I don't…" Suzaku leaned down again, bracing one arm against the headboard the bed, taking Lelouch's left hip with the other, and gave a sudden sharp movement into him.

Lelouch jerked and twisted, but then he violently shook his head.

"No," he said breathlessly, "that… that wasn't it…"

"I'm sorry, this position… is awkward…" Suzaku re-angled and drove down again, but Lelouch simply gave a stifled cry and shook his head again.

"N-no, that still wasn't…"

"I'll try again, Lelouch."

Suzaku sucked in a breath, inwardly seething for letting the exact position slip through his perception; Lelouch was so much more sensitive than the Lancelot that dealing with him on a calculated, exact basis was that much more difficult. The young soldier held him as securely as he could and tried to hit his prostate again – but he had no idea which way and from which angle he'd accidentally hit it the first time. He gave a few useless thrusts, which he felt the benefit of but was sure that Lelouch hadn't, for the Britannian boy simply winced every time he pushed into his body, and gave a few dry, coughing little gasps.

"I'm sorry." Though he was nearing his peak, feeling every fibre of his body tightening itself up, Suzaku stopped again, looking down at Lelouch; the dark-haired boy opened his amethyst eyes at the sound of his friend's voice. "This…" Suzaku gave a little sigh. "…This isn't going well, is it?"

Still breathless, his low stamina having apparently given out at least five minutes ago, Lelouch simply gave a half-hearted shrug, sprawled on the bedsheets beneath Suzaku.

"I'm sorry," Suzaku whispered again, lowering himself to bury his face against Lelouch's neck.

"Stop… apologising," Lelouch ordered, still very much out of breath; but he raised his hand and put it to the back of Suzaku's skull, sharp fingers delving into the thicket of brown curls.

Suzaku gave a sigh and closed his eyes, feeling Lelouch lazily trail mazes through his hair; he was still within him, as deep as he could go, connected. It was the final word in physical closeness – he could get no further inside him, could synchronise with him no more than this…

…And yet he felt that that was entirely the problem: It was a failure of synchronisation. Some connection hadn't quite reached its full potential, some wire was loose and sparking. Of course, he hadn't expected it to be perfect – not only was it their first time with each other, it was also their first time with anyone at all, for both of them. It was ridiculous to presume that it would have all gone smoothly – his first time piloting the Lancelot certainly hadn't. But still he felt frustrated, because he was certain that there was a reason that they were falling short aside from general new-at-this ineptness.

There was something missing.

What hadn't he done? Why did he feel that he could be yet closer to Lelouch when they were already as close as they physically could be? If he was going to insist on comparing it to piloting the Lancelot, then what parallel was missing? Accept orders, enter, synchronise, take control—

Ah. Three words. That was it. He almost laughed again. Yes, Your Highness. All hail Britannia. Three words. It was always three words.

Three words always set everything in motion.

He pushed upwards again, Lelouch's hand falling away from his hair; he looked down at him, jade eyes shining.

"I love you," he said.

For a very long moment, Lelouch offered no response whatsoever, not even blinking – but then he smiled, and it was real (not amused or sour or sarcastic or fake), truly, truly real, the smile he saved only for his sister and for Suzaku.

He still said nothing, but after another moment he began to heave himself up, reaching for Suzaku; Suzaku wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. Lelouch draped his own arms around the Japanese boy's shoulders and settled against him. Suzaku waited for him to get comfortable, rather under the impression that Lelouch had actually given up and would be perfectly content to just sit like this instead – but even if that was the case, their ongoing physical connection was still very much a factor. Even though their movements had all but ceased, Suzaku felt that he couldn't hold out much longer – surprised, in fact, that he hadn't spilt himself already.

"Hey," he whispered close to Lelouch's ear, "you mind if I try again? If it hurts, I'll stop."

Lelouch simply gave a silent nod in reply, his face against Suzaku's right shoulder.

Suzaku tightened his grip around the Britannian boy's slender waist, holding him securely, and gave a thrust upwards, injecting all of his strength into his hips to drive himself as deeply into Lelouch as he could possibly manage.

It was enough. Either it was the completely-changed angle or simply that Lelouch had given up the ghost, but from the sudden high wail he gave, and the way he arched his back and ripped into Suzaku's shoulder blades with his nails, the young soldier suspected that he'd managed to hit his prostate again. His stomach was suddenly wet and sticky, and Lelouch sank against him again, violet eyes glazed and breathing rather erratic.

Suzaku barely noticed, clinging to Lelouch as the explosive heat of orgasm washed over him too; he'd reached the edge and tumbled over it at the sound of Lelouch's cry, that wail of pleasure ensnaring him – because although it had sounded near-unintelligible, it had not been.

It had been Suzaku's name.

(No. What an idiot he was. Lelouch was nothing like the Lancelot. Even the Lancelot did not acknowledge him as Lelouch did. The Lancelot did not cry his name. The Lancelot did not love him back.)


Suzaku was straightening his tie in the mirror when Lelouch finally awoke; the Japanese boy saw him in the mirror's reflection, dazedly surfacing from beneath the bedsheets. He'd slept for much longer than Suzaku, and much more deeply, not even awakening when Suzaku eventually eased himself out of his grip and slipped away towards the bathroom to clean himself up.

"Hello, Lelouch," Suzaku greeted him softly, turning to face him.

"Hello, Suzaku," Lelouch replied, rubbing at his hair – it was sticking up in all directions like a rough halo of spikes. He sat up, propping a pillow against the headboard so that he could lean against it more comfortably, and looked at Suzaku properly, tilting his head. "Why are you dressed in your army uniform?"

"I have to go in to work."

"At this time?" Lelouch glanced around for some form of timepiece, locating a small alarm clock on the bedside table. "…Is it seriously seven-fifteen?"

"Mm." Suzaku fidgeted with his tie again – he couldn't get his collar to sit properly, probably because he hadn't ironed it right. "In the evening – no need to panic."

"Even so, that's later… than I thought…"

"You were sleeping quite heavily. I thought I might wake you when I got up about half an hour ago but you didn't stir."

"…Oh." Lelouch didn't appear to have much to say to that; he pulled the sheets up closer to his bare chest and averted his gaze.

"I wish I didn't have to," Suzaku said quickly; although he meant it, he vocalised it very much to simply fill the silence.

"You wish you didn't have to what?" Lelouch asked absently.

"Go to work. It's just some silly diagnostics test, I've done loads of them before, but my supervisor insists that we do it at least once a week…" Suzaku gave a sigh, rubbing at the back of his head abashedly. "But I'd much rather stay here with you."

Silence again.

"Lelouch?" Suzaku lowered his hand again very slowly, gazing confusedly across the room at the other boy, who seemed to have become strangely sulky again. "What's the matter?"

"That's a good question." Lelouch finally looked at him, knuckles near-white from how tightly he was clutching the sheets in his forgotten fists. "Suzaku, I want to ask, and I want an honest answer… Are you glad that we…?" He trailed off, shook his head and tried again. "I mean, are you happy that we decided to… well, that you and I are…?"

Suzaku suspected that a little colour had made another unwelcome appearance in his face; but Lelouch had said that he wanted an honest answer, so…

"Of course I am," he said firmly. "You… you think I'd regret it? I know it wasn't all that great, I mean… well, not really, at least at the start, but… being so close to you, sharing that with you—"

"Why, though?" Lelouch interrupted.

Suzaku blinked.

"Why… am I glad?"

"Yes." Lelouch fidgeted with the sheets. "Is it because you're an "Eleven" and I'm Britannian? Is it because it felt good? Is it because you just wanted to lose your virginity and I was nearer than a girl?"

Suzaku stared at him, struck speechless for a long moment.

"Why are you being like this?" he managed to ask when his voice finally trickled back into his throat.

"Because I need to know," Lelouch replied stonily. "I need to know that none of those things matter. I need to know that none of those things are the reason you're happy."

"Then what if it's because I love you?" Suzaku asked coolly. "What if it's because I wanted to know what it was like for two humans to be that close just as much as you did? What if it's because I wanted it to change for our sake, for us – just like you said you wanted?" He found himself clenching his fists. "Would that be okay, Lelouch? Would that be a good enough answer for you?!"

"Yes," Lelouch said quietly. He dropped his gaze again, but he was smiling now. "I suppose that would do."

Suzaku exhaled deeply, unclenching his fists again but standing where he was. It was getting late; he should probably get going—

"Hey," Lelouch said suddenly, glancing up again and outstretching an arm towards Suzaku. "Come here for a moment."

Suzaku hesitated, then gave an irritated snort to show his disapproval of Lelouch ordering him around as he complied with Lelouch ordering him around and approached the bed.

"What?" he inquired, standing at the bedside and towering over Lelouch, who was still sitting against the headboard.

"You'll have to bend down," Lelouch said. "I can't reach you."

Heart-rate picking up again, Suzaku sat on the edge of the bed and leaned towards him as the Britannian boy's hands came up towards his shoulders. Maybe a kiss to apologise for how he'd been earlier? Suzaku let his eyes slide closed—

But they snapped open again indignantly when he felt Lelouch's hands begin to straighten his shirt collar, adjusting his tie beneath it.

"It was annoying me," Lelouch explained without prompting. "I don't think you've ironed it right – the crease is misaligned." He gave another tug and more or less got it in order. "There – it looks better now, though."

Suzaku grabbed him by the shoulders, pinned him against the headboard and kissed him. Lelouch offered no form of struggle whatsoever, winding his arms around Suzaku's neck and pulling him down further; but after a very long moment of letting himself melt into it, even allowing Lelouch to mess up his hair again, he abruptly pulled away.

"I'm sorry," he said breathlessly. "I have to go, Lelouch."

"You kissed me."

"I know. I said I was sorry." He kissed him again. "But I have to go. I'm going to be late."

"Go, then." Another kiss.

"I am." And another.

Suzaku finally pulled away, but he'd barely straightened when he felt that he simply had to bend down for one more.

"Sorry," he whispered against Lelouch's mouth, right before his met with it. "I want nothing more… than to just stay here with you, but—"

"But you have to go."

"Yes." It finally struck him as a very real apparency and Suzaku pulled away properly. "I have to go." He started to back away across the room, not taking his eyes off Lelouch. "Uh, so… your clothes are still on the radiator – they should be dry by now, and… um, well, I guess I'll see you later—no, tomorrow, I probably won't be back until quite late tonight…" He bumped against the door, feeling blindly behind him for the handle. "Don't forget you promised to go to all your classes tomorrow."

"I won't." Lelouch waved lazily at him from the bed. "Goodbye, Suzaku."

"…Bye." Suzaku floundered for another long moment, then managed to get the door open and shot through it, closing it firmly behind him.

He leaned against it and took a deep breath. He felt awful just leaving Lelouch and hoped he didn't think badly of him for it – he really did want nothing more than to stay with him, to spend the whole night snuggled up against him, each of them wrapped tightly in the other's arms (as they had been before Suzaku had forced himself to get up and get ready for work)—

But he couldn't. He had to go.

The Lancelot was waiting for him.


"Suzaku…" Cecile leaned further over Lloyd's shoulder, blinking. "These numbers are incredible." She looked upwards towards the open cockpit of the Lancelot. "Your synchronisation ratio with the Lancelot has never been so high."

Suzaku pushed his sweaty hair out of his eyes.

"Really?" he asked.

"Mm." Cecile beamed. "Ninety-nine per cent. Usually you peak at ninety-six, which is still absolutely amazing, the absolute highest of any Knightmare pilot in the entire Britannian Army, but—"

"It is very interesting," Lloyd interrupted, pushing up his glasses. "Very interesting indeed… The last diagnostics feedback session was last Wednesday, and you haven't been out in the Lancelot since then… Hmm…" He inclined closer to his computer screen, dissolving into thought.

Cecile stepped away from him and came over to the Lancelot, looking up at Suzaku again.

"I have some water and a towel for you," she said. "Do you want to come down?"

"Sure. Thanks, Cecile." Suzaku made to get of the pilot seat, but Lloyd suddenly raised a hand.

"No, wait a moment, Suzaku," he said firmly. "Stay where you are. I want to run another quick little test. You're free to go after that."

"Oh…" Suzaku sank back into his seat. "Okay."

"Thanks," Lloyd said absently, beginning to type. "I just need to make a few preparations… It's just a theory, of course, but why the sudden three per cent jump in your synchronisation rate? There's just a little something… I want to know…"

"What do I have to do?" Suzaku asked. "Shall I lock the cockpit again?"

"No, you don't have to do that – you don't have to do anything, actually. Just sit where you are with your hands on the controls and I'll do the rest from here."

Cecile sat on one of railings around the workstation the Lancelot was standing on as Lloyd ran his test, the digits lighting up the screen reflected backwards on his glasses.

"Huh," he said, resting his chin on his knuckles.

"What's wrong?" Cecile asked.

"Nothing, nothing…" Lloyd tapped the screen. "This is just a basic biological run-down of the pilot – it measures things like heart-rate in BPM, blood oxygen and sugar levels, hormone levels…"

"And…?"

"Well, while I don't really see why it would have affected the sync ratio with the Lancelot, a lot of these values are slightly outside Suzaku's norm."

"And what does that mean?" Cecile pressed.

"It means that the synchronisation rate with the Lancelot is, for Suzaku, slightly altered by his physical state – and right now…" Lloyd smirked. "…Suzaku's physical state shows all the symptoms of someone who is in love."

Cecile blinked, then looked up at Suzaku again – who had heard everything and said nothing. His face had gone rather white.

"You think… he synced better with it… because he's in love?" Cecile repeated incredulously.

Lloyd shrugged.

"Well, that sounds very romantic, doesn't it?" he said sardonically. "Perhaps he just got lucky very recently. Maybe even lost his virginity—"

"Lloyd!" Cecile folded her arms. "Don't be so personal. That's none of our business." She looked at Suzaku. "I'm sorry, Suzaku. You know what he's like."

Suzaku gave an absent nod, but then looked down at Lloyd.

"You think… that's what it is?" he asked.

Lloyd grinned.

"Ah, so you confess?" He rested his chin on his interlocked hands as Suzaku flushed crimson.

"You never said you had a girlfriend, Suzaku," Cecile said, smiling up at him. "I'll bet she's pretty."

"Wh-what…?" Suzaku shook his head violently. "No, no… there's no girlfriend, there's no…" He gave a weary sigh, trailing off, too tired to finish.

Lloyd hummed contentedly to himself and went back to his typing.

"It's interesting," he said again gleefully. "I mean, my Lancelot is such a sensitive machine, I guess it's not altogether surprising that a pilot of your skill would able to become so close with it that you almost share your emotional output with it. I wouldn't put it past you to be able to sync past your usual peak of ninety-six per cent if you were also exceptionally angry or upset – this time, however, we will assume that – if not love – the ninety-nine per cent sync ratio was reached because you are happy."

"Happy…" Cecile murmured; she was still smiling. "That's good. You are happy, aren't you, Suzaku? In school?"

"Oh, I…" Suzaku nodded. "Yes. I am. It's such a nice school."

"Nobody picks on you?"

Suzaku shrugged.

"It doesn't matter if they do," he said. "I'm still happy."

"What about your friend?" Cecile went on. "The one you told us about?"

"Hm?" Suzaku knew she was referring to Lelouch and hoped that his face hadn't gone crimson again. "Oh, he's fine. We're… we're still friends."

"Aha!" Lloyd suddenly cried, standing up. "That's it, isn't it? The "girlfriend"—"

"There is no girlfriend," Suzaku interrupted impatiently.

"That's my point," Lloyd replied. "You're in love with your friend."

"Lloyd!" Cecile erupted. "Stop making such ridiculous assumptions – I've told you before, it's none of our business!"

"Oh, it's okay, Cecile," Suzaku said flatly, indicting to the cockpit he was still sitting in. "I can crush him from here."

Lloyd raised his gaze to him – his smile didn't falter.

He said nothing at all, only smiled.

(And Suzaku never forgot it.)


Um, yeah, so that's that. Next chapter we return to the Suzaku Angst Fest (though I think that present-day Suzaku is only slightly crazier than days-gone-by Suzaku, who has some weird sexual fetish for machines… or something. O.o).

I have no idea why I keep picking loonies as lead characters in my fanfics. Not that Lelouch is exactly all there, either…

Uh, so, I hope you all enjoyed it and felt that it was worth the wait! The next chapter is written (as is the one after it, actually), so here's hoping that the next update will be quicker.

TTYS!

RR xXx

(The Literature Extravaganza continues: Romeo and Juliet AND The Picture of Dorian Gray, all in one chapter!!!1!!!!!1!1111!1!)