Chapter 6

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UnderTheBridge5-2

Trans-Tina184


Welcome, UnderTheBridge5-2 and Trans-Tina184.

You have entered the Private Chat settings.

Private Chat Room: Effort


Alana. I have a question.

If you could…I would like you to answer it.

{+}

I'D BE HONORED.

WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION, RHINA?

[SEND][DELETE]


Alana. What if…

What if you were told that you were loved by someone?

{+}

IF I WERE TOLD THAT I WAS LOVED BY SOMEONE THEN I WOULD TELL THAT PERSON THAT THEY WERE MOST LIKELY LYING.

WHY SUCH A QUESTION?

[SEND][DELETE]


We have been penpals for some time, yes? We could declare ourselves something like friends if asked, correct?

{+}

YES, I WOULD LIKE TO THINK SO.

IF ANYONE EVER BOTHERED ENOUGH TO ASK AND TAKE AN INTEREST IN OUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP, THEN YES, US BEING SOMETHING LIKE FRIENDS IS SOMETHING THAT I WOULD NOT DENY.

[SEND][DELETE]


I see. I'm happy then.

So does this mean that we tell confirm things with each other with the sense that "trust" plays a role in our conversation? Can we talk honestly with one another?

{+}

I WOULD LIKE TO BELIEVE SO.

IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WISH TO CONFIRM WITH ME?

IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WISH YOU SPEAK HONESTLY ABOUT?

IF SO, I WILL LISTEN WITH CONSCIOUSNESS.

[SEND][DELETE]


Is that so? Then please do.

There is in fact something I wish to speak honestly about.

I want to confirm…

Alana's answer from earlier.

Is what you said true?

If you were in fact confessed to, you would throw those words back in that person's face?

{+}

I SUPPOSE SO.

I DO NOT FEEL AS THOUGH I AM LOVED, AND SO I WILL CONTINUE TO FEEL SUCH. HOWEVER, IF I WERE TO SPEAK TRUTHFULLY, THERE HAS NEVER BEEN AN CLARIFICATION ON WHEATHER OR NOT I WAS LOVED.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN TOLD SUCH A THING.

[SEND][DELETE]


And if you were told such a thing now?

{+}

FURTHER EXPLAINATION NEEDED, DETAILS REQUESTED.

[SEND][DELETE]


You are indeed loved.

Loved in fact by me.

Alana. You are loved,

I love you.

{+}

TO BE TOLD SUCH A THING BY RHINA,

I DON'T THINK I LIKE BEING TOLD SO.

IT...

BOTHERS ME GREATLY, IN FACT I FIND IT QUITE DISTURBING.

BEING TOLD SUCH A THING BY RHINA…

IT MAKES ME LONELY.

THIS IS MY HONEST FEELINGS, THIS IS ME BEING SINICERE.

BY MEANS DO I MEAN TO UPSET YOU, I AM SORRY.

[SEND][DELETE]


Ignoring that "pity" sneer…

Why does my confess make you lonely?

Further explanation needed, details requested.

{+}

YOU'RE CONFESS, IT WAS AN EMPTY PROMISE.

GIRLS LIKE YOU, GIRLS WHO CONFESS TO ME LIKE THIS JUST WHEN I WAS BECOMING COMFORTABLE AND YOU WERE STARTING TO GROW ON ME…

IT MAKES ME LONELY. SO VERY LONELY…

WE ARE TWO FRIENDS. TWO FRIENDS THAT CHAT ONLINE FREELY, WITHOUT WORRY. BRINGING EMOTIONS INTO OUR CAREFREE RELATIONSHIP, IT JUST SPOILS EVERYTHING. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO THINK ABOUT US. THERE IS JUST ME, AND YOU. THERE IS NO NEED FOR COMPLICATIONS.

I DO NOT WISH FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP TO BECOME REAL…

IF ANYTHING…

I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE EMPTY PROMISES.

IF I DID…IT ONLY MEAN CREATING A HABIT OF LYING.

LYING, IT IS SOMETHING I DO NOT WISH TO DO WITH YOU.

FOR NOW…I WANT TO PREVENT IT…

[SEND][DELETE]


No fair…

Alana, you are not fair.

You do not want a real relationship, but ask that I sell you empty dreams like Peter Pan. Should I send a friend request through my magic fairy dust and make it so that my feelings fly away so it can be convenient for you?

Will it be more suitable for you if I have no emotions at all?

If so, than what to Alana is the meaning of friendship?

Despite my feelings towards you,

I want to know you. I worry for you. I miss our conversations when I am offline. When I am bored, it is you I want to contact.

For me, this is friendship. But your friendship is bleak.

To bend to your will…that is not friendship.

Is friendship not making a stranger into someone that surpasses acquaintance? In order for such a thing to happen…

{+}

FOR ME,

RHINA IS FRIENDSHIP.

SHE IS…RHINA. HER. SHE.

AS WELL AS ME.

HOWEVER, FOR ME,

"FRIENDSHIP" IS NOT AN OPPURTUNITY TO "OPEN UP" AS MOST DO, WHICH INVOLVES SOME AMOUNT OF TRUST.

I DO NOT KNOW FRIENDSHIP. I CANNOT ALLOW MYSELF TO TRUST IT.

IT IS MISLEADING.

HOWEVER, EVEN WITH THAT SAID…

I STILL PUT SOME TRUST IN RHINA. I TRUST YOU WITH MY NAME, APPEARANCE, AND ETC IN HOPES THAT YOU WILL NOT DECIEVE ME.

IS THAT NOT ENOUGH?

CAN I NOT KEEP MY OWN SERCRETS AS WELL?

[SEND][DELETE]


Our friendship,

It conceals all and satisfies us with mediocre exchange of discussion. Our line of trust is very, very thin.

So thin in fact that I cannot disguise it, I cannot tell if it actually exists. We are friends, and yet…

Is there truly trust? Does it exist between you and I?

{+}

PERHAPS IT DOES NOT.

I CAN CLAIM IT DOES, BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE SUCH A STATEMENT TRUE.

PERHAPS, THERE IS NO TRUST BETWEEN US.

BUT WE, I FEEL, WE BROTHERHOOD.

[SEND][DELETE]


Brotherhood between women, perhaps?

I…do not wish for such a thing. I am not your brother.

I am your friend, and I love you.

I do not fit such a category, nor qualify for it.

{+}

IS THAT SO?

THEN IT IS TRUE, I AM IN FACT LONELY.

[SEND][DELETE]


But you are not alone.

We are lonely together.

Isn't that why we come here and chat together?

{+}

YOU ARE RIGHT. WE ARE LONELY, BUT NOT ALONE.

SO PLEASE…DO NOT LOVE ME. LET ME BE ALONE FOR A LITTLE WHILE LONGER BEFORE I SPEAK THE TRUTH OF WHICH I WISH COULD NOT BE NOT LOVE ME.

JUST A LITTLE WHLE LONGER…

PLEASE, CONTINUE TO WANT TO COME HERE AND SPEAK WITH ME. CONTINUE TO BE A FRIEND OF MINE. IT IS YOU THAT I CHERISH.

AND SO…I WILL SHOW YOU MY REQUEST OF TRUST.

[SEND][DELETE]


Your…request of trust?

What does that mean?

{+}

IF IT IS MY TRUST YOU WANT, THEN IT IS TRUST YOU WILL GET.

IF IT IS A REAL RELATIONSHIP YOU WISH FOR, THEN ALLOW ME TO GRANT SUCH A SELFISH WISH.

JUST…NEVER LEAVE ME RETURN TO THIS PLACE AND TO TALK TO ME AND CHAT WITH ME.

FOR ME, RHINA IS FRIENDSHIP.

I MAY BE ME, AND YOU MAY BE YOU, BUT BECAUSE OF THE TIME WE HAVE SPENT HERE, WE ARE NO LONGER ALONE.

WE ARE LONELY TOGETHER.

[SEND][DELETE]


AUTHOR'S NOTE:

-I do not know if it is just me, but for me, the creation of a relationship seems to be the hardest thing.

I do not know if it is just me, but even if it's been a total of three years, I cannot fully consider trusting someone.

This is an example of my current experience.

One friend, one confession. Years of building what we call a relationship. A misunderstanding, as well as lies.

An insertion of what we refer to as "trust".

This is my current experience. Please, always take into account that when creating a friendship, always consider that other person. That amount of trust you put in them is an insertion of your sacrifice, but no one ever said that that was a bad thing.

It won't always be a bad thing.

I hope you have enjoyed this chapter.