Forgive my English. I am not a native speaker. Sorry I took a long time to update. I am going to have midsemester tests on Monday that's why I've been so busy with school!

Disclaimer: Durarara is not yaoi. That being said, I am not the owner, because I write Yaoi lolz. Narita Ryohgo is the owner.

_7. Half Confusion and Half Agony

Somewhere in Shinjuku, 01.00 AM

Tic toc tic toc tic toc…

Yagiri Namie yawned as she looked at her watch. She sighed at the time and she threw herself to the nearest sofa (there was no need to act all polite when the owner of the house was not presence after all, she smirked). She felt tired and bored, and she wanted to go home, but she made a promise. And no matter how much she hated that person, how much she wanted to go home and see her beloved brother's sleeping face, she was going to keep her promise to him.

"That stupid bastard…" Namie muttered tiredly. "Come back, quickly…"

***DRRR!***

At the same time, Shinra's apartment

"Celty, You're still awake?" Shinra asked confusedly and the dullahan turned her body towards him, somehow looked surprised.

One AM in morning was not a normal time for anyone to wake up. That—applied to Shinra too, somehow. Well, he was not a normal person. But as a doctor, he knew pretty much that his body needed a plenty of energy to do many activities—especially when your job was a doctor (It's not funny when a doctor who is supposedly take care of sick people is getting sick himself). It was rare even for Shinra himself to be awake at such hour. He didn't like to be awake so early. He actually hated it, in fact. The young doctor had really hard times to be able to sleep again after he woke up, that's why.

Well, maybe he wouldn't complain too much if he could see his beloved dullahan on his early waking.

Celty was wearing Shinra's long pajama, to Shinra's surprise (and happiness). Unlike her usual black leather working clothes, the pajama was white and the size was bigger than her body size. The buttons were buttoned messily, and she didn't wear the pants of the pajama, showing her nice white legs fully, not to mention the fact that Shinra could almost see her breasts due to the messily usage of the pajama. Despite her being headless, Shinra couldn't help but to think how cute and… erotic the scene in front of him right now. God, he was going to nosebleed.

Maybe because she was still sleepy (though Shinra wasn't sure if dullahan could be sleepy), Celty seemed not realizing Shinra's pervert gaze on her. Upon hearing his voice, she pulled her PDA and typed before she showed it to Shinra. "I couldn't sleep, though I am very tired."

Shinra chuckled. "What a coincidence. Me too! I usually don't like to be awake at this hour, but I don't mind if I can see you like this sometimes. It's rare to see you in a sexy outfit like that!"

The doctor could tell without seeing her expression that Celty was confused. THAT, before she realized what she was wearing, processing what Shinra had actually said to her, flabbergasted in embarrassment and punched him fully and hard in his stomach.

"KHU—! That HURTS Celty!" Shinra cried as his face was shoved by a PDA. "That's your own fault, pervert!"

Shinra gaped at her. "How could you say it was my fault when you were the one who wore my pajama in such an erotic way like that! Unintentionally or not, I-I couldn't help it!"

Celty turned her back from Shinra in an abrupt way, as if she was trying to hide her embarrassment, despite the fact that she had no head to show that expression. She typed a half way "I'll go change", but before she had any chance to do so, Shinra's arm pulled her back to him, hugging the dullahan from behind.

The doctor chuckled. "I told you that you're so cute when you're embarrassed, remember?" He whispered to her neck, purposefully seducing her, though he knew he was risking his own life by doing so. "Why don't you just wear this everyday in front of me—UGH!"

And just like what he had thought, another punch hit him on his face.

"Geez, you know I was just kidding…" Shinra pouted and he rubbed his nose. But when he heard no response from the headless girl, he knew something was wrong. Shinra looked at Celty confusedly, and she seemed a little… nervous?

She typed something to her PDA before she showed it to the doctor, somehow hesitantly. "Why are you always saying weird and embarrassing things nowadays?" Shinra's eyes widen in surprise as she pulled her PDA back and added more things before showed it back to Shinra. "I know you're a pervert, but lately, you've been so aggressive…"

Celty was surprised when she saw Shinra's cheeks pinked a little, blushing and quickly looked at the other gaze. Usually Shinra would tease her back with his sweet words. Seriously, he had never once seemed to be embarrassed with her. Never even once Shinra feel embarrassed to confess his love, purposefully peeping at her when she was in bath, and to show his comfort. Then what's with the awkward attitude now?

"Ahahaha… Is that so? I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable."

It felt so weird suddenly, and Celty panicked as they were stood in uncomfortable silence. She was confused. Why did Shinra apologize to her? Was she wrong to ask him something like that boldly? But Shinra was acting weird too!

"…I'm worried about Shizuo," Shinra suddenly changed the topic, trying to brighten the atmosphere as pang of sadness hit Celty's heart. "He doesn't have a home anymore right? Knowing him, he won't stay at his senpai's house for too long right? I believe Shizuo doesn't want to keep bugging him and will go out from his house soon."

Celty's was taken aback from the doctor's statement. Now that she thought about it, Shinra was right. Shizuo wasn't the type to bug someone he trusted. He, soon or not, would definitely leave his friend's house. But then again, where would he live?

Their conversation was cut abruptly by sudden loud knocks from their front door. Shinra groaned in annoyance. "Oh, man! Who the hell is still up at this kind of hour and bugging another people like this—" Shinra quickly shut his mouth. People who were able to still up at this kind of hour and disturb his peaceful moments were only two…

The knocks were becoming much louder and weirdly enough, desperate, for both Shinra and Celty's confuse. It was so noisy that Shinra couldn't help but to think if this kept going his door would break in any second. Of course, what he and Celty heard next made them even more surprised.

"Shinra! Oy, SHINRA!"

They knew who's that voice belonged to.

"…Shizuo?"

"Shinra! Open the door, quickly!" The voice was demanding and a little panicked, Shinra noticed.

Shinra clicked his tongue and ran towards his apartment door with Celty following him—already changed her pajama into her usual shadow black suit. Shinra reached the handle, but the door wouldn't open. The doctor groaned again when he realized that the door was still locked.

"Shinra, QUICK!"

"I know! Just be quiet!" Shinra yelled back in panic. He abruptly unlocked the door, and finally it swung open. "Shizuo! Do you know what time is—Izaya?"

Both Shinra and Celty gaped in shock at the scene in front of them. They didn't know what was more surprising for them: the fact that Shizuo was disturbing them at the hour where people should rest with blood at his face and unconscious Izaya in his arms—whose face was pale as white, sweating badly and barely breathing with blood so much poured from his stomach—or the fact that it was Shizuo from all of people who brought the dying information broker here, saving his life. Shinra quickly checked Izaya's pulse, despite of his shock and confuse of what the hell had happened. Izaya was still alive, Shinra breathed in relief. But it was only a matter of time until he died of blood lost if he didn't get any treatment soon.

"What happened to him?" Celty typed panickly and showed it to Shizuo, but Shizuo didn't answer her. The ex bartender only tighten his grip on the unconscious informant and grit his teeth. "Save him…"

"Eh…?"

"SAVE HIM!" Shizuo yelled angrily, and somehow, desperately.

***DRRR!***

Underground Laboratory, Shinra's apartment, 04.00 AM

Three hours.

It had been 3 hours, since the Izaya was brought here. It had been three-fucking-long hours since Shinra asked Shizuo to bring Izaya to his secret underground laboratory and began his operation. It also had been 3 hours since Celty had insisted to help Shinra with the operation, though Shinra refused it politely, saying she should stayed by Shizuo's side and calmed him down. Celty realized it that the doctor was right, because no matter how much she wanted to help Shinra with the operation, looking after Shizuo was more important since he was pretty much unpredictable with his feelings. The dullahan doubted that Shizuo would be in a bad emotional state and worrying about Izaya's health condition, but again—this was Shizuo what we were talking about. It had been a shock for Celty that he was the one who saved Izaya's life—she wouldn't be too surprised if he was going to lose temper in Shinra's laboratory and wrecked everything if he was left alone. So she stayed with the blonde, waiting for Shinra to finish his job in an awkward, uncomfortable silence.

Celty turned her neck to the blonde. She was confused of what had happened to Izaya, why Shizuo saved Izaya, how's Shizuo related with Izaya's injury and of course… she was worried of Shizuo. Shizuo looked pretty calm, despite the fact that Izaya was in a brink of life and death right now. Then again, he hated Izaya. Wouldn't it be weirder if Shizuo was looking more worried and desperate? But, even though Celty didn't like the information broker, she was really grateful that rather than taking an advantage of his injury or ignoring him in his state, Shizuo had decided to save him and bring him here. Of course, Shinra felt the same thing, as no matter of how much an asshole he was, Izaya was still his friend.

Celty had a big urge to ask Shizuo of what happened with Izaya, but she realized that now wasn't the right time, and couldn't bring herself to do so. Even though Shizuo was much more able to control his temper in front of Kadota Ryohei, Tom Tanaka and her, she still didn't want to bug him right now. Celty was sure that many things had happened to him too, and probably he was tired too. She wondered if Shizuo was the one who injured Izaya badly like that (he had been attempting to kill him since the first time they had met, right?) and then he was shocked upon realizing he had almost killed someone and decided to bring Izaya here before the raven haired man lost too much blood. The chance was pretty much low, knowing that Shizuo was actually a nice man. Nonetheless, it was still possible. But looking at the injury, it looked like Izaya had been shot. Celty doubted Shizuo would use a gun to kill Izaya. Celty was sure that the blonde had never killed someone with his own fist—or a vending machine—or a street signs, despite his monstrous strength— let alone with guns.

Then what happened?

Why is Izaya injured?

Why Shizuo was there when Izaya was injured?

And why did Shizuo save him?

"Just ask if you want to." Shizuo's sudden words startled the dullahan and she turned her neck at the taller man. "I know you are confused of what happened. Hell, even I myself don't really understand what happened." Shizuo let out a little chuckle, though it seemed a little hollow.

Celty was silence for a while. She examined Shizuo's expression. He didn't look angry, nor did he look depressed, which could be a good or bad thing. The blonde looked a little dispirited, though. Shizuo didn't seem he would be angry if she asked him, so she pulled her PDA and typed before she showed it to him. "Then what happened?"

Shizuo's eyes softened a little as he lit his cigarette. "Except the shot, I did all the beating."

Celty's body tensed in surprise. So what she had thought was right? But why? Even though he hated him, Shizuo didn't seem to be the type to have pleasure in beating someone up like that, even if it was Izaya. Not to mention that he seemed guilty for suspecting him as the bomb sender of his apartment. The dullahan realized that something was still missing, like who Izaya got the shot from. She typed at her PDA again. "Why?"

The ex-bartender exhaled a gray smoke from his cigarette and closed his eyes as Celty relaxed her shoulder and waited for his answer.

"I got the letter from the bomb sender," Shizuo spoke softly, and Celty was surprised— which could be seen by her jolted shoulder. "He asked me to meet him in that Nebula whatever rooftop when it was about midnight. I was furious, of course. I mean, the person who hurt my brother asked me to meet him! I was planning to kill him the time I see him, and guess what I found there…"

Celty was saddened, as she realized what Shizuo was trying to say. She suddenly understood what had happenedby his words, and she slumped her shoulder tiredly. The dullahan knew what would come next from Shizuo's trembling lips.

"Yes, I found Izaya there," Shizuo said bitterly. "I didn't care why he was there and what the reason was. The time I saw him, I felt anger and disappointment burst out from my body, thinking he was the sender of the bomb, and I…"

Shizuo didn't continue his words, and Celty put her hand on his shoulder, comforting him. It worked, as the blonde smiled a little at her and relaxed at her touch.

"It felt weird, you know?" Shizuo said again and chuckled. "I've been longing to catch him and beat him up. We share an intense hatred with each other for a long time. And when I finally able to beat the shit out of him, I didn't feel satisfied. I felt anger, and guilty. I hate it. I hate to feel pity for that flea, who I thought had hurt Kasuka. I wanted to be angry at him. I wanted to be able to kill him at the time… but no. I was angry because I couldn't kill him. I was angry because I couldn't bring myself to face the truth that he was the one who hurt Kasuka. I was so disappointed at him. I still almost killed him though, before the real bomb sender came."

Shizuo… Celty's heart clenched when she heard a sad tone of the blonde's voice. If only she could do something to help her friend, to ease his pain and guilty. But all she could do at the moment was listening to him, so she listened still.

"Dammit, Celty. That flea is not the bomb sender. Izaya is not the one who hurt Kasuka! That Yado person did!" Shizuo finally yelled and felt his anger bubble again in his heart, as Celty was trying to calm him down in panic. Shizuo didn't want to scare Celty, but he couldn't help his anger anymore the time he remembered that Yado—whatever his name was—person. He curled his fist and gritted his teeth. "His main goal is not me. His real goal is to kill Izaya! And guess what, he bombed my apartment for that purpose! He used my hatred for Izaya so I would blindly take my anger to him! So that he could escape my wrath and had Izaya killed by my HANDS! And HE SAID IT WAS INTERESTING TO WATCH!"

The dullahan was shocked, confused and panicked of what she just heard and with the furious debt collector in front of her. To think that there was a person who was as insane as Izaya, AND not to mention able to toy with Izaya—THAT Izaya in his plan… But now, she needed to put that thought aside. Her main priority was to calm Shizuo down right now, but she felt herself was still shocked and didn't know what to do. She reached her PDA, typed something and then showed it to Shizuo. Shizuo's eyes widened a little, and somehow, his fury was gone, as his gaze was softened.

"Even so, why was Izaya there on the place where you were supposed to meet this bomb sender?"

Shizuo's face looked a little troubled and sad as he read that. He was hesitant to tell Celty, but the dullahan insisted him and he sighed. Confuse, anger, pain, and sadness were clearly shown by his troubled expression.

"That bomb sender told him about the letter he sent to me. That bastard told the flea that he was… going to kill me. Izaya… he came to save me."

That, was the most surprising thing she had ever heard from all weird things that had happened up until now. The dullahan would have her eyes widened in shock if she had her head to show her surprised expression. It couldn't be… She had thought of this before, but this still surprised her of how true she was.

To think Orihara Izaya didn't hate Heiwajima Shizuo, but cared about him.

Shizuo rubbed his temple, sighed tiredly and shut his eyes. His feelings were so confusing at the moment. He didn't know what the feeling was called, but surely it was an uncomfortable feeling. It felt hurt in his chest, and in the same time, he felt anger. But it was not hatred he usually felt. The thought of Izaya saving him greatly shook him that Shizuo could no longer feel the same feeling he felt toward him. Each time he remembered Izaya was being shot in front of him, his heart would clench in pain. Each time he remembered Izaya's last expression before he felt unconscious, fear of losing the brunette haunted him. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to feel joy and sweet taste of revenge of what happened to Izaya, but what he felt… it was different. It was the exact opposite of what the blonde had thought.

You know, maybe actually, I don't hate you after all. In fact, maybe I—

Maybe you what? Shizuo asked desperately in his own thought, seeking for answers that could be found nowhere but from the informant himself. What were you trying to say? What did you want me to react? What did you expect me to feel? Why did you save me? Why did you say those words? Why you? Why…

Why now?

"Dammit…" Shizuo hissed angrily. "There's no way I can still hate him the same way like before…"

Celty turned her neck to him, again surprised, and then her posture relaxed, showing her sadness to see her friend in such guilt. This person, could he…?

Shizuo, you….

***DRRR!***

Meanwhile, in the operation room

"Ngggh…"

Izaya felt a sudden throbbing in his stomach and his head (and in fact, all his entire body) as he tried to wake up. At first, he was confused and slightly dazed, but the time he smelled the smells of drug, he remembered what had happened. So, he made it alive, huh… His red eyes winced in pain as he recalled what had occurred to him and what he had done. It was like almost everything rushed to his head—Midnight meeting, the letter, Nebula, Yadogiri Jinnai's plan…

…and Heiwajima Shizuo.

Izaya felt his body jolted at the last name and he groaned. He didn't want to think of him. He didn't want to think how much he wanted to know where Shizuo was. He didn't want to know how much he wanted to see him, to see if he was alright. He didn't want to remember how he finally realized his love for him, in such a wrong time.

Love. Izaya laughed bitterly. For the first time, he felt uneasiness to say that word out loud. To fall in love with someone who hated you…

Dammit, how could everything turned out like this?

A sudden ring of his phone startled him. Izaya turned his head towards the table beside his bed. His phone was ringing inside his coat. Fear and nervousness came to his system, but he reached for his coat. His body was hurt—all his entire body was. Gritting his teeth and trying to hold his pain, he snatched his cell phone, and looked at the number.

Private number. Izaya snorted. He had expected this, but fear still lingered in his mind. His hand was shaking as he answered the call.

"…hello?"

"So you're still alive." The voice chuckled sinisterly.

Izaya gripped the bed sheet tight and he felt anger began to build in his heart. "What do you want?"

"What do I want? You should have known that right, with everything that had happened?" Yadogiri replied casually, like nothing happened. "You really are an annoying stubborn one, you know? I told you to mind your own business and you kept disturb my plan. I want to kill you, but maybe it was still too good for you… You need to suffer more."

"Aww, Yadogiri-san is so cruel!" Izaya replied playfully and sarcastically, hiding his anger. "Even though you said you love me before… don't you think I have suffered enough?

"Duh, didn't I tell you that I love you when you're in misery?" The other voice chuckled. "Let's see… Orihara-san, listen to this."

Izaya's eyes widen in shock when he heard a voice that looked like an explosion. There were so many yellings and screams right after that.

He felt a very bad feeling about this. A figure of a long haired woman appeared in his mind, and he began to panic.

No, it couldn't be…

"Do you know what that sound was, Orihara-san?"

Sweat trailed to his back and his hands. He gritted his teeth hard and he felt his eyes began to feel hot. This wasn't happening."You, bastard…"

"It was a bomb." Izaya could almost feel him smirked. "Do you know where did I place the bomb, Orihara-san?"

"YADOGIRI!" Izaya yelled angrily and the other voice laughed.

"That's right! I placed it in your apartment! Now you have no home!" Yadogiri seemed to enjoy every second of Izaya's suffering. Izaya couldn't believe this. Tears of anger trailed down to his cheeks. It wasn't the home and the information that he was concerned of. Even though he had no home, he still had all his money stored in the bank. He had all the copies of his information in his flash disc, so he wasn't worried about that. As for Celty's head, he had already moved it from his apartment to his sisters' house silently the first time Yadogiri began to play with him, knowing that Yadogiri probably would keep watching over him, so it was dangerous to have it on his apartment for any longer. What he was worried of was...

I'm going to stay tonight. Be back as soon as you can.

"Namie…" Izaya breathed, his shoulder slumped back to the bed in sorrow.

"I have been watching you," Yadogiri said again, undoubtedly taunting him with a mocking tone. "I know that there was a woman and a boy that work for you. I'm surprised that you seemed to care about them, despite your love of human's misery. Now that the woman is gone… should the next be the boy?"

Izaya's body tensed. Was he talking about Kida? "You're not going to do that." Izaya spoke with a low, deadly tone. But Yadogiri just chuckled. "I'm just kidding. I don't really like violence too, you see. But sometimes it is needed when it is necessary."

Though he had heard it from Shizuo several times, hearing that from him made Izaya sick. Don't like violence my ass. He had killed so many people, including Namie… the first person he gave her his trust. Izaya gritted his teeth as he felt the pain and guilt consuming his heart. It was easy to make someone trust him, but Izaya had never trust anyone and always backstabbing someone from behind. The fact that it was Namie the first person he believed in intrigued him, as Namie too sometimes backstabbing him from behind. But he couldn't believe it was much hurter to lose her this way.

"Ne, how does it feel to be played now? You have always been the player. It feels humiliating to be reserved like this, right?" There was a silence before Yadogiri continued. "That was just another warning. I probably am going to forgive you if you beg for forgiveness and never disturb my plan anymore, but you probably would always disturb me, unintentionally or not. Well, you happened to be much more interesting by the other humans too, so I will take my time slowly to play with you. Good night!"

The call ended. Izaya threw his cell phone angrily and cursed, pulling his knees and letting his tears of desperate out. He hated this. He hated to be so weak. He needed to think, fast. He couldn't let Yadogiri hurt any of his friends anymore. First Shizuo and Kasuka, and then it was Namie. Kida, Shinra, Celty, Saki… anyone could be his next target. Izaya needed to do something that would make Yadogiri's plan not working. Yadogiri was planning on breaking Izaya and made him suffer, so Izaya needed to do something that no matter what happened with another people, he wouldn't break. That way, Yadogiri would thought it was unnecessary for him to target his acquaintances.

But what should I do? Izaya shut his eyes hard. Think, Izaya. There must be a way. I need to make him target only me. My beloved humans can't be involved with this.

Izaya groaned. Damn, if only he didn't feel so attached with this so called 'love' feeling, he wouldn't care of something like this

A way that no matter what happened, he wouldn't hurt anyone but me…

Izaya's eyes widened as he remembered something when he was having a conversation with Namie. Namie had said something about this once. What was that again?

"Izaya?"

Izaya's thought was interrupted by a high pitched voice that he knew pretty damn well. Izaya turned his gaze to a doctor that just yawned and stretching his arms. The informant quickly wiped his tears, afraid the doctor would catch any sign of his weakness. It looked like Shinra had fallen asleep after operated him and now just woke up. Izaya was secretly glad that Shinra didn't hear all those conversation he had with Yadogiri. Shinra adjusted his glasses as he stared at those red eyes, and then he smiled in relief. "Thank goodness, you made it. I was worried it would be too late…"

Izaya grinned at his friend, a little guilty for all the trouble he had caused to him. Though Shinra sometimes was annoying and noisy, Shinra was the only one who really cared for Izaya so far. He knew how much of an asshole the brunette was, yet the doctor still stick to him and treated him, though sometimes Izaya gave him some hard times purposefully too. "Yo, Shinra. Looks like I owe you again, eh?"

"You owe me one helluva explanation," Shinra sighed and crossed his arms, looking a little annoyed now. Shinra was surprised when he saw the raven haired man's expression saddened a little and turned his gaze from him. Realizing Izaya's weird attitude, Shinra knew something serious had happened. Maybe karma finally kicked hi, for his evil plan, but whatever it was, to see Izaya was down like this, something was definitely wrong.

"You're going to tell me whether you like it or not," Shinra said in a stern voice and Izaya groaned. Good God, he hated Shinra when he was in the serious mode. "You never had any injury worse than this. Do you know that you could have lost your life if Shizuo had been late? Izaya, this is serious."

The time Izaya heard Shizuo's name, he felt warmth flooded in his chest and he 'tche-ed'. He was surprised that Shizuo had really saved him, and didn't like the fact that he was happy because of that. This feeling… he needed to get rid of it before Yadogiri took advantage of this… so called love.

The thing Namie had said to him…. Dammit, he needed to remember it!

Say, at this rate I won't be able to recognize my own feelings. Therefore I won't be able to observe my feelings and his. What do you think I should do?

Hum, It's so hard to observing yourself since you are so stubborn with your own feelings, it would be a different case if you had memory loss, but being amnesia you would forget everything about all the troubles and messes you caused in Ikebukuro and it would be a trouble to me, since you are the one who pay my salary…

Izaya's eyes widened open.

"Shinra," the younger man slowly said, and Shinra was waiting for him to continue his words. "I have a favor to ask…"

This was for the best. This way, he wouldn't feel any feelings that bound him to be trapped in Yadogiri's plan. This way, Yadogiri's plan to break him wouldn't work. Yadogiri wouldn't touch his friends this way, and…

He wouldn't be hurt by loving someone that hated him.

Izaya smirked. This, would be his first and last observation on a man's feelings whose name was Orihara Izaya.

Shizu-chan, I love humans.

But for me, you are a monster.

You're not a human.

And you hate me, so…

Shinra didn't expect the words he would hear the next second.

"I… need to lose my memory."

So I need to get rid of this feeling.

EDITED: Plot twist XDD and OH GUYS, YOUR REVIEWS *crying in happiness* I LOVE U GUYS SO MUCH! Plz keep on reviewing! I may take a long time to update but I still holding on this fic! That's why encourage me if u like this story asdf XDD

;A; It looks like my story is not as good as before, eh? The reviews decreased gradually ;A; I edited some mistakes of my English though. Uhhm soo… even though you may not like the story, review please? I will be very glad if someone want to pint where my mistakes are? (especially the grammar and the oocness .)