Chapter VII
Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious Dan Schneider is as we all know.
Randy I am no longer sure of what is going on these days. You know before this movie and trip I had every move, step and millisecond in check. Now with HER everything just seems so outta whack and I am not quite sure how to fix it. I feel like I need to beat something down just to make sense of things again. This feels like that time when Beck and I broke up and things were just off. It took me a second to get back to my normal self and to realize that I was OK. Now I have this whole situation with HER. Ugh I can't even think her name right now without feeling confused and pissed. I thought I knew myself inside and out then this fucking curve ball comes from nowhere and rocks my foundation. I mean it's not like I hate her… affection, it's just that I don't know how to take my reaction to it. I mean I react so strongly, it's like my dominant side just turns into a raging beast and I'm someone else. I mean I am sitting here at work and I have to pretend that nothing happened all the while she keeps giving me looks. I want to just tear her eyes out of her socket and shove them up her ass. It doesn't help that I have to go out with her, cat and some there people tonight. I wish I could say that I forgot, but Cat won't let that happen. Yay for me! I sit here and pretend to be immersed in my lines so that I won't have to talk to HER. Randy I hate this! I have suddenly turned into that coward that I fucking hate. You know the one that avoids the situation rather that confront it. It's just this thing is so foreign to me. I mean does my reaction to her mean that I am willing to lay with a woman? If that is true what does that mean for my sexuality that I so firmly believed was straight? Shit… well later Randy I have to go pretend to love that Woman.
Jade went over to the set and pretended that she was friendly enough with Tori. As they began to shoot Tor could tell that Jade was holding back and it was frustrating her. She knew that Jade could be much better than this, but perhaps she shouldn't have gone so far with the queen of darkness. It was just so damn hard to be around the girl that she has wanted since high school and not go after her. I mean Jade responded so well when she could have just pushed her off and yelled at her. Tori wanted Jade to be real with herself, but what if she was just forcing something that wasn't supposed to be there? Tori took a deep breath as the director called for a cut yet again. Apparently it wasn't only her that thought Jade was a bit off today. Tori went to go get some water from a table that was besides Cat. Leaning against the wall Tori watched as Jade nodded her head at whatever the director was telling her. Even with her body being covered from head to toe in dirt and blood, Jade still looked freaking amazing. Tori was taken out of her thoughts when she heard Cat saying something to her.
"Huh what was that Cat," Tori turned her body to Cat giving her, her full attention.
"I said no amount of staring is going to fix what happened last night. Perhaps you should just let it ride out you know?" Cat giggles as she see Tori pout in defiance, " Awe its Ok look I know that Jade is a tough nut, but I think that she'll be good once she sorts things out. Remember the most important thing about Jade is that you must always let her feel as though she is in control. I mean of course she likes a person that challenge her, but ultimately she likes being in control. So just let her come to you on her own terms." Cat licked the huge swirly lollipop that was in her hand. Her response to what was going on threw Tori was a loop. Usually Cat was such an air head it seemed, but that wasn't the case right now. Perhaps the girl had so much more up her sleeves than anyone knew.
"You know what you are right Cat. I knew that she would want to take the lead I just have to be patience. I mean if it meant to be then it'll happen on its own terms." Tori took a deep breath as she felt her resolve strengthen. "You know Cat, Robbie must be a very lucky guy to have you."
Cat giggled as she looked at a picture for another makeup idea, "pssssh believe that he has his hands full. I mean I am aware that I still have my moments, but my man keeps me on track."
Tori laughs as she walks back to the set. This time when she took a look at Jade she saw determination in her eyes. Getting in position Tori could feel the shift in the chemistry between Jade and it. Though she knew that Jade was just acting she knew that the woman had to drop her guard and be true to her character. Needless to say when they did the scene it was marginally better than the first few shots. Every time Jade had to look her in the eyes to calm her character a rush went through her. Again she knew that none of this was real, but if it was? Tori stopped herself there, getting her hopes up too high was a dangerous thing. Tori knowing herself knew that she tended to jump off the cliff too soon. So to avoid getting to emotional too soon she put up her own guard after work was done.
Going home to her hotel room Tori decided she was going to give Jade her space and just enjoy being close to her. Taking a hot shower she hummed a melody that kept invading her mind from time to time. In infectious melody wanted to be a song if only she had the words. Tori let the water run over her face as she thought of Jade. It was stupid how this one woman could invoke such strong feelings in her. All those years being beside Jade and not letting her know how she felt made her feel so hollow. Tori's eyes shot open as the lyrics suddenly hit her. Rinsing the water off her body she stumbled out of the shower to go to the keyboard in the corner of her room. Tori didn't care that she was only in her towel and that water was dripping from her wet hair onto the paper she scribbled on. Putting her fingers to the keys, Tori began to play a few chords until her fingers danced to the melody in her head. When she hit the right tune words burst from her mouth.
"So hold me
Wrap me in love, fill up my cup
Empty and only your love can fill up my cup
Cause I'm hollow
Yeah, I'm hollow, oh oh oh
Cause I'm hollow
Yeah, I'm hollow, oh oh oh…."
Tori jumped when she heard a clap, "good one Vega. You finally seem to write something good." Jade tried to ignore Tori, but how could she when the girl was actually doing something so interesting. When she heard Tori begin to play her chords the first thing that she noticed was that Tori had gotten extremely better at the piano. The next thing that made Jade put her ear to the door was the rhythm which was actually beautiful. It reach Jade and that in its self is an accomplishment. So giving in Jade unlocked the door connecting their rooms and quietly watched Tori. Though she would have to be that quiet because Tori was truly immersed in the song. As a dirty little secret Jade like to see Tori like this most. Of course not the nude part but the whole 'sing your heart out' part. The girl was so passionate about her music and that was something that Jade always admired about Tori. Jade would never mention that though. Taking out her phone she began to record Tori as she began to sing not taking any notice to jade who was only a few feet behind her. The gap soon closed and Jade was directly behind her still recording, but her attention was fully on Tori. When Tori finally done Jade clapped enjoying the sight of Tori jumping out of her skin.
"Fuck Jade do I need to attach a bell to you? Make a noise when you walk around, or knock that always work as well." Tori stood up and made her way to the closet to get herself ready.
"What you mean miss this opportunity to record you when you were vulnerable? Or perhaps missing an opportunity to see the deer in headlights look on yah? Also no I will NOT erase the video so seal you lips before you waste my time. Another thing...," Jade walked over to Tori's night stand beside her bed and grabbed her necklaces she forgot the other night. "Either way hurry up no one will wait on you if you are late." Turning on her heel Jade made it back to her room. Putting up her necklace she looked around and made sure that she had everything before leaving her hotel room. Once outside she starting walking to the half way point that everyone was to meet at. Could she have waited for Tori? Of course, but Jade already felt that it wasn't going to help if she kept hanging too tight with the woman so she opted to leave.
It didn't take long to reach the growing group of people Cat invited to this karaoke. Jade could tell that this was going to be a long night because most of these people were from the job; most were people that Jade didn't converse with. Taking a deep breath Jade made herself known in which Cat proceeded to jump up and down, "Oh Jadey you made it." Jade glares at the red head bouncing for joy, "call me that again and you won't be around long enough to see day break. Fun fact I know many places in New York to dispose of a body." Jade took pleasure in getting a shocked reaction from those who didn't know the real her. Cat however was unphased and just chose to pout, "well fine if you're gonna be that way… oh where's Tori I thought she was coming with you." Jade rolled her eyes, "what do I look like, her keeper? She's a big girl now Cat she can take care of herself now. For the most part. Either way she should be coming soon, but that's no excuse to stand here and wait on her. So someone text her and we'll be on our way."
Tori knew that she would have to make her way to the karaoke by herself when she knocked on Jades door and got no answer. Sighing to herself she thought about the situation she was in. Why is it that she was putting herself through all this torment? Wouldn't it be better if she just left Jade alone and found some other girl to get into? Pausing in front of the place Tori took a deep breath and smiled. Tonight was going to be about having a good time with friends and not about the woman she never have tempted. The first to great her was Cat who was sitting on Robbie's lap. Those two made a sickening cute couple, and were on the door steps of marriage. Tori smiles and greets everyone else then goes to grab a seat Leah, who was the other person she clicked really well with from the cast. Leah was sending Tori signals but she kept diverting them. Perhaps it was time she spent more time paying attention to her as opposed to the beautiful goth sitting beside Cat, which was also across from Leah. The group decided to get a private room being that some of the cast members including Tori herself was extremely well known by the public. Nothing to ruin a night like raging fans in your face asking you to sign here. Picking up the mic Cat began to talk about how much fun they were going to have. Apparently she was the host for tonight and would be picking the order of who went when. The Challenge was that she also picked the song so were never prepared. The first to go up was a random cast member that wasn't the best at singing so the drinks couldn't have come at better time. Tori took a sip of her drink then took a gulp she didn't know what was in her hands but it was sweet and amazing.
"You know if you don't slow down on that you will be singing worse than all of us put together." Tori turned to Leah who was smiling at her, "this stuff can't really be that strong can it?" Leah chuckled and shook her head, "Tori know the rules of drinking, the sweeter the drink the more potent. It might not have that much in it but it will lead you to have more. Before you know it you're running through the streets singing a Selena Gomez song at the top of your lungs." Tori giggles as she takes another sip, "Oh really well that sounds like a personal experience so I'll take your word and go slow, but that won't stop me from having a few more of these. Especially if Rick ever gets up to sing again." Tori looked up at the stage to see the brow skinned man singing 'I just can't wait to be king', it was a horrible choice for him. This kind of unnerved Tori in the sense that she hopped Cat would give a song to butcher. Sure she was a good singer, but that didn't mean she picked song she knew wasn't her pitch.
Throughout the night Tori's attention was taken by Leah. The girl could always seem to make her laugh. Not the controlled laugh that you use with co-workers. No this was the throw your head back and 'wait it can't stop' laugh. Somewhere in between the five drinks Tori had her remaining boundaries disappeared with Leah. They had become so comfortable that when Tori came to sit back down after her turn singing, Leah put her hand on Tori's thigh and Tori left it there. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Well almost everyone if you didn't now the frowning goth sipping on whiskey.
Jade wanted to say that it was more the people that she was with right now as to why she was feeling sour. She wanted to blame the world for why she just couldn't seem to get lost in her drinks and pay attention to the stupidity around her. Talking another sip Jades eyes landed on Tori yet again. Every time she looked at the Latina she had to see that Leah chick hanging on her. It took everything in Jade to not sit between the two and interrupt what was happening between them. Jade didn't want to admit it even to herself that she was jealous of the red head with freckles. Who seems to know all the right thing to say to Tori. The advances and glances didn't escape Jades glare and it pissed her off. Why was it that this bothered her so much? Tori should mean nothing to her and yet in these past few month the opposite has been happening. Taking a deep breath Jade welcome the distraction as Cat called her up to the stage. Taking the Mic waited for the beat to start playing to know what song was up. Though when it started to play she just wanted it to turn off.
"Cat have you lost your damn mind," Jade glared daggers at the hyper woman with red hair? Jade should have sung any other song but the one that was on. Though it was a bit too late now because the words were coming up and Cat hid behind Robbie. Taking a deep breath Jade turned her gaze to the small crowd and reluctantly sung the words, "Can't keep my hands to myself." Jade lazily let her gaze roam the room until Tori and Leah can into view. Jade didn't miss the hand that slid down Tori's thigh to her knee.
As she continued to sing the song she could see that she had grabbed Tori's attention. Jumping off the stage Jade continued to sing the song as she glided her free hand up and down her body. She did the same to her co-workers as she walked around them. Jade felt all eyes on her as she went to the middle of the room. There she sung the chorus and danced around as she sat on some of their laps.
When she was in front of Tori she sat on her lap, "the doctor say you're no good." Jade ruffled Tori's hair making her laugh.
"But people say what they want to say," Jade moved her lips to Tori's ear, "… and you should know if I could. I'd breathe you in every single day," Jade pulled back when Tori reach out for her. The tori's face was slightly red as she stared at Jade with her lips slightly parted. Come the corner of her eye Jade could see that Leah was annoyed and for some reason that made Jade extremely happy. So being her she went over to Tori and grabbed her hand pulling her up to dance with her as she continued to sing the song. Soon after Cat and some of the others join in on the dancing. Though Tori mainly stuck to dancing with Jade who grabbed Tori's hand when she sang, "I mean I could but why would I want to." To others it seemed as though Tori and Jade were just playing on their roles. Being that they were lovers in the movie.
Jade finished the song everyone clapped and cheered saying that it was the best performance of the night. Since it was so late everyone agreed to call it a night reciting how they had so much fun. Most exclaimed that they should do this again. Jade watched as Leah and Tori said their goodbyes. It was clear that Leah was totally into Tori, but was disappointed to not get where she wanted for the night. Walking over to Cat she smacked the girl's arm, "never choose a song like that for me to sing again. Imma have to go listen to something violent and depressing just to set myself right again." Jade smirked as Cat laughed at her, the girl was just not scared of her anymore. Taking a deep breath Jade bid Cat good night as she grabbed Tori's hand, "come on Vega you said bye to that person five times already.
Jade called a cab and pushed Tori and herself into the back seats. Jade rested her head as the fatigue and alcohol hit her. As Jade watched the streets pass she could feel the weight of Tori's head on her shoulder. She could tell from the about of drinks that Tori had, the girl was going to have one hell of a hangover. Shaking her head Jade let Tori rest and when they got to their destination Jade made sure that Tori got into her room. First she was going to just dump the girl onto her bed and leave. However as she was about to turn away Tori grabbed her hand. Taking another deep breath Jade shook her head whispering, 'why me' to herself. Turning back to Tori she began to pull her clothes off of her. Tori would giggle and ramble about nothing in particular as Jade tried to make her more comfortable. When the deed was done Jade yet again turn to leave, but when she got to the door Tori asked her to stay. Initially she ignored her request and made her way to her own room. There Jade got undressed and took a quick shower. When she got out though she was surprised to hear the noise coming from Tori's room.
"Jaaaaaaaaaddddddddddddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee oh Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddddddeeeeeeeeee…. Hey I know you hear me." Jade pulled her hair and looked at the door jointing their room and stared in disbelief.
Stomping her way across the room Jade unlocked the door and yanked it open. Walking over to the drunk that was still yelling her name Jade slapped her hand over Tori's lips.
"If you have any plans on LIVING past these next few second you better shut your fucking mouth Vega." Jade waited for a moment before she removed her hand. To her relief Vega enjoyed living, "good now what the Hell do you want VEGA." Jade spit Tori's name out as she was beyond annoyed.
"I want you Jade… To sleep with me," Tori smiled as she grabbed Jades arm and pulled her into the bed with her. "I just want to wake up on your arms. Is that too much to ask?"
Jade looked at Tori in surprise as she tried to think of an answer, "I guess one more time is ok. Just turn around and shut it." Jade turned tori around so that her front was to Tori's back. Pulling the cover over them she wrapped her arm around tori's waist. For a moment Tori was so quiet that jade though she fell asleep until she spoke.
"You know what really sucks Jade?"
"Tori close your eyes and go to sleep," Jade didn't know what tori's next words were going to be, but she felt as though they were words that tori should keep to herself.
"What sucks is falling for someone that you know that you can never have. Sometimes the world can be a cruel, and lonely place."
Jade tried to keep quiet even though she knew that tori was talking about her. When she felt tori begin to shake she knew that the girl was starting to cry.
"I just want to stop. I want to stop liking her. I want to hate her and move on with my life. I want to have her see how I feel. I just want her to want me and I will never have that."
Jade wasn't ready for this it's like she was going into a panic mode and it took a moment before she was able to turn tori around. Once Tori was facing her jade wiped her teard from her face.
"Tori please stop it. Stop crying and hurting yourself. Just go to sleep ok? Don't worry about all the things that make you unhappy just think about right now ok? All that matters right now is that I am here right now and I am not going anywhere."
Jade watch as tori began to relax and take deep breaths. Jade felt a pain in her chest as she watched tori. She didn't want the girl to hurt like this. It pissed her off that she was the one that cause her all this pain. All jade wanted to do was hug the woman and not let her go until she was the bright, slightly annoying tori that she knew. Looking in tori in her eyes she could see the pain and weakness she had been hiding. In this moment jade noticed tori more than she ever had. She watch as tori moved in and kissed her. Perhaps she should have moved and coaxed tori into sleep, but jade let it happen. She let this connection between them grow and as their tongues fought for understanding. Jade could feel tori began to seep into her. She could feel the need to have the woman near her and keep her protected. Jade knew that this was a dangerous feeling because there was no way to protect tori from her. Placing her hand on tori's hip she brings tori flesh against her. For now jade wouldn't worry about the pains that could come from this. All she was concerned with was how she felt in this moment. Right now tori's kisses on her body felt amazing and she didn't want to stop. She had to though, Jade knew that tori wanted this badly. Though Jade knew that she needed to explore this new side to herself she didn't want to do so without tori in her right mind. It just wouldn't be right especially with her knowing how tori felt about the situation. Fighting her lust jade kissed her one last time before turning tori's back to her.
"Ok tori its time for bed now so go to sleep before I make you," she felt tori's body shake as she laughed. It wasn't long after that, that they both closed their eyes and let sleep take them.
Authors Note:
So sorry it took me so long to undate. I just have been so busy between work and school. So I hope you enjoy. Of course read & review.
