Note: There is a curse word in here. You have been forewarned.
By 9 AM I'd booked my flight back to Seattle for early that afternoon. I had yet to tell Riley so I'd been staying put in the guestroom, packing with the door closed.
Around 11 I was finished getting everything together, straightening the room, and getting ready myself. My hair was down, I had no makeup on, I was wearing old, comfortable clothes, and I was no further from battling my internal conflict than I was the night before.
I lifted my suitcase off the bed and looked around the room for the last time. I made my way to the door, opening it quietly, before making the trek down the hallway to the front door. I was carrying my suitcase rather than rolling it so as not to give away the fact that I was leaving too soon. I set it down near the door and stood up. I could hear Farkle and Riley in the other room. I listened closer, it almost sounded like Riley was crying.
"I just want her to be happy, Farkle," She said quietly, followed by a small sniffle.
"I know, Riley, but, Maya's her own person, she always has been. You've been a great best friend to her all these years, and she appreciates you so much, I can tell." I heard Farkle reply.
Riley's voice sounded small, "I just want to fix it all." All I wanted to do was give her a hug and tell her that everything was going to be okay. But I couldn't, I couldn't stay here.
"Sometimes you can't fix everything, as much as you want to. She'll figure this one out on her own, I have faith in her, and you should too," Farkle said.
I took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen where they were sitting.
"Riles?" I said quietly.
"Hey," She said, wiping at her face and pushing her chair back to stand up.
"No, no, sit down, Riles, it's okay," I said, stepping back.
"Maya? What's going on?" Farkle asked. It was like that boy had a sixth sense for knowing when something was going to happen.
I looked down. "Why is your coat on?" Riley asked, and I looked up. I saw her lean forward and peer into the hallway, "Why do you have your suitcase, Maya, are you leaving?"
I closed my eyes and breathed. I hated doing this to her, to Farkle, disappointing them. It's all I ever did and it looked like it was all I was ever going to do.
"Yeah, sweetie, I'm leaving," I said quietly.
She stood up and Farkle followed. "What? Why? Is this because of Lucas, because you can fix that, we can fix that, we can help you-,"
"No, Riley, it's not because of him," I half-lied, "I just can't be here anymore, okay? I can't really explain it, but someday I will, look- I'm sorry. I know this was to celebrate you guys and I'm making it about me, and I'm sorry. I want you guys to be happy and I know that won't happen if I'm here in New York mucking things up."
"Maya-," Farkle started to protest, but I turned around, making my way to the hall where my bag was.
"I'm sorry," I said, and reached for the door. I pulled it open and took a step forward, looking back at my best friends. I turned back to the doorway and was about to step out when the one person I wanted to avoid most in this world rounded the corner of the landing and started to make his way up the flight of stairs right toward me.
"Maya?" Lucas asked, stopping in the middle of the staircase.
Shit.
I looked back and Riley and Farkle were standing right behind me. I had nowhere to go.
"You're leaving? You just got here," He said, his face flashing a hurt expression before turning angry.
I shrunk back into my coat, I'd only seen Lucas angry a handful of times and it was not pretty. Especially being the one he was angry with.
"She said she can't stay here," Farkle piped up from behind me.
I looked down.
"Is this because of me?" Lucas asked quietly, his tone unreadable.
"No-," I started, but Riley interrupted.
"Yes, Lucas, it is. It's been because of you for three years! She's making stupid, irrational, hurtful decisions because of you," She said. I looked at her, my mouth wide open, but I couldn't find anything to say.
"Yes, Maya, I did just say that. I had to grow a backbone sometime, didn't I? Look, I'm not mad at you, Peaches, I just care for you, and I don't want you to keep making selfish decisions that don't make sense! Think about the other people you're hurting here! Think about all of the aftershocks you're causing!"
"I had to explode sometime, Riles," I said quietly.
"Maya, you can't just keep running away from your problems! Someday, like right now, they're going to catch up with you! Running isn't the answer here-," I interrupted her.
"Why does everyone keep telling me what I can and cannot do!?" I yelled, exasperated. It was silent.
I looked around at them. They had grown up, and we'd all, very clearly, become different people.
"I am a grown adult, I can make my own decisions. I can choose to leave if I want to and I can choose to keep running and if that's irrational and selfish than I guess that's what I am," I gripped my suitcase handle and turned to Riley and Farkle, "Look, Riley, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I am such a shitty friend and I'm sorry that I keep ruining things for you and Farkle. I'm sorry I keep screwing up,"
I turned to Lucas, lifting up my bag off the floor, "And you, I'm sorry I ran, but it's just what I do. I'm a flight-risk, and- and I can't help it. I am exactly who everyone told me I would turn out to be- my father. I don't deserve this," I gestured between the two of us, "I don't deserve any of this. I wish you the best in life, I really do. I'm sorry, I just- I'm sorry,"
I gripped my bag tightly and pushed past Lucas on the stairs, flying down each set of steps until I got to the lobby. It was eerily reminiscent of the night before and I cursed myself for ruining the only two nights I'd been here for Riley and Farkle. I pushed the door open in the lobby and found myself standing under a very grey sky that had thunder rumbling over the sound of traffic.
"I need a cab, please," I told the doorman. He nodded, clearly seeing I was distressed, and got to work immediately, calling for a taxi on the small phone he had with him. A moment later the yellow car rounded the corner and I thanked him. I was lowering the handle on my bag when I heard the door fly open behind me.
"Maya," I heard Lucas shout breathlessly. It started to sprinkle, the wind picking up.
I turned around, looking back and forth between the cab and the person I had spent so long avoiding .
"Please, Maya, just hear me out," I shook my head and took a step toward the cab.
"You're being selfish!" He shouted as the rain picked up.
I stopped.
"You're being selfish, and irrational, and impulsive," He yelled.
I turned around.
"You can't just leave again, Maya, you can't do this again," He said, stepping out into the rain, closer to me.
I stepped back, and he reached forward and grabbed hold of both of my arms.
"I can do whatever I want, Lucas, I can make decisions for myself! I know what I need, and what I need to do is to leave! This is not some love story ending, Lucas, this isn't a Nicholas Spark's novel. I'm not your person, you deserve someone who can do so much better than I can," He shook his head and I nodded.
"It's raining Lucas, so just stop! I'm leaving and that's that and you can't do anything about it! Now Let. Me. Go!" I said trying to shake off his hold on me, but he pulled me closer, gently grabbed either side of my face and kissed me.
