1861

Jasper

War can be described in many different ways. The most obvious and stereotypical definition is feuding between two groups of people for a common reason that each group holds on to. War can happen between continents, nations, states, or even between people of a family. As you've seen, if you've been following my story, I'm very familiar with the latter option. But, there's a kind of volatile, ceaseless war that when it starts to attack, there is no hope for surrender on its victim.

It's an internal war where your ally and your enemy are two of the same. They're halves that only would fit together with the other. It's a war within oneself. If you know me at all, you'd know that I'm also talking about myself.

It was a very fair day when I found out about the war. The air was warm and the atmosphere was charged with an emotion that I couldn't quite describe. It was April. April was a good month.

I was just walking around in town, running errands for Ma. Robert and I had been fighting a lot, even more than usual. The fact that Ma needed a few things to be picked up was a prime chance for me to just get some air. Catherine was riding when I left—I trusted Nathan enough to supervise her while I was gone.

I was at the butcher's when I had found out why everyone seemed so…vivacious.

"Damn Yanks. They're going to run us all into the ground." Angered words came rushing in through the door. I paused and stepped aside so I would be out of sight.

"Not if I have anything to say about it. The recruiters will be here in less than a week, mind you, and you can guarantee I'll be waiting for 'em. I'm not going to let that bastard Lincoln abolish our way of life!" A fist slammed against the counter and my breath caught. So a war was on…

"I'll be waiting with you, Richard. No way in hell are the Yanks going to win this battle if I have anything to do with it." I had to find out for myself. Quickly, I headed off from the butcher and towards the general store. When I had walked in, however, the clerk was gone. Dammit…I pulled a nickel out of my pocket and left it on the counter before grabbing a newspaper. The headline said everything. The United States was at war with itself. The recruiters would start sweeping through the Confederacy within days.

I dropped the paper where it was and started off towards where I had left Lightning. As much as I'd hate it, I needed to go home. Surprisingly, I rushed home. I needed to talk to someone about the war.

The second I walked in the door, I was nearly pushed straight back through the door by the tension took place of every breathable part of air. Ma and Robert already knew.

"Ma? Catty?" I called, hesitant to get into touchy matters if Catty answered back.

"Yes, Jasper?" I sighed in relief as I heard my mother's shaky voice. Of course, her worry was suffocating me, but at least it wasn't Catty. At least it wasn't Catty.

Ma and Robert were both in the sitting room. I nervously took off my hat and turned it around in my hands as I waited for either of them to say something.

"Just get out with it, Jasper," Robert snapped at me as he crossed his legs and put a hand at the table beside him. Underneath his hand, was today's newspaper. He knew.

"I want to join, Robert," I said matter-of-factly. No way was I going to waver in front of him.

"No way in hell am I going to let you write your own death off." Robert was equally as confident. I sighed.

"You're also not of age, Jasper. You can't join." Ma looked over at me, her eyes…my eyes…careful. Concerned. I didn't need any 'charisma' at all to be able to know she was worried.

"Ma, you know I can pass for eighteen, and we need men. I can join the cavalry where you know I'll be of use." I knew I was being slightly crass with the both of them, especially considering how sensitive Ma was, but…I wanted to do this.

"And Catherine?" I looked over at Robert as he brought up the one thing that could keep me at home. I said nothing and just looked at him.

"You always say how you'd stay by your side throughout everything, and you'd be willing to leave her at a moment's notice and risk never seeing her again?" I scoffed at Robert.

"You're the one who said that you'd rather her be dead than blind, Robert!" I was getting angry…losing my grip. No. No. No. I couldn't let him win.

"I'm just stating what you've said before, Jasper. Nothing more. Nothing less." He shrugged again and I sighed.

"Are you going to join?" It was something that I wanted to know.

"Of course not, Jasper. I'm not thriving to get killed like you are." I scoffed.

"Just…never mind, Robert. Never mind." I turned around and walked out, too overwhelmed by Robert, my mother's frantic glances, and the thoughts of Catherine were penetrating my mind too far and too deep to handle with my father's stoic and vicious gaze cutting into my sanity, I needed to breathe.

I was back on Lightning and galloping away from the house within a minute, maybe two. Ma didn't even protest as I was running off. Regrettably, I looked back. She wasn't even on the porch to watch. If it had been a year ago, she would have been running off until it was no use, but then would still be screaming at me until her voice was hoarse and raspy. That was the mother I used to have…but things were different. Very, very different.

I rode for an incredibly long time and still felt no better. Other petty things floated away in my mind until only Catherine was left. She was still going away to Dallas. That much was certain.

It was near sunset when I finally took Lightning back to the stable. Catherine was sitting outside, laughing with Carolina. Despite the fact that her eyes held little emotion now, it was nice to see the fact that she was laughing and smiling. My mind quickly flashed to what she'd be like if she found out that I wanted to be join the army. As much as I hated to admit it…I couldn't leave Catty. As much as I wanted to fight, there was no way I was going to break her heart.


Hey, guys, I'm so sorry that this is so late compared to the other chapters. Long story, my darlings. Being in the musical, having really bad run-ins with die-hard Edward Cullen fans (ugh), and then having the recession hit my family particularly hard...I haven't really been able to sit down with my beloved southern gentleman...Oh: five chapters until Maria.

Reviews, babes? I'm sorry this is rushed. Late nights creep up on you when you have rehearsal in the morning.