Chapter 7
Slamming the door behind him, Zim strode out of his yard and onto the sidewalk, an exact destination in his mind. It was late at night. Zim figured it was around 11:05 PM Earth time, but he didn't care about that.
Zim and GIR had decided to watch that Mountain movie first. Zim figured that it may help answer some of his questions, seeing how it involved affection between two men which Dib and he were, and GIR just wanted to see the mountains and cowboy hats.
However, both of them didn't expect how unbelievably awkward and unnerving that movie really was. It didn't help that because Zim understood kissing and...other human rituals, he understood everything that was going on in the movie. It pulled at his squeedly spooch so much that he couldn't bring himself to feel happy when one of the guys died at the end.
The Hill movie was no help whatsoever, except for giving Zim more examples of kissing and showing how utterly dramatic humans can get over nothing. Zim himself had left during the middle of the boat movie to go to his base, finally understanding what the male and female characters were doing in that steamy room.
Once Zim had gotten to the base, he asked if the computer had finished scanning the Earth laws. "Scan was completed four minutes and thirty-nine seconds ago, Earth time," the computer had said, it's voice filled with boredom. "No laws involving aliens and this so-called 'kissing' found." This had pissed Zim off. He returned to the main floor and had stormed out the door despite GIR's questioning yells.
And there Zim was, walking down the street, fury practically radiating off his body. That Mountain movie had so many new questions forming in his head. In the movie, the main characters' love-pigs as well as the other Earth humans had been cruel to the two males and their odd affection towards each other, saying it wasn't allowed and stuff. How was it not allowed? The males didn't seem to burst into flames or anything when they kissed. Zim saw nothing wrong with it. But there was one thing he was sure of; all these confusing questions really annoyed the alien along with the fact that Dib hadn't been lying to him.
"Let's see the Dib-thing get out of this" Zim hissed, once again extracting his PAK legs.
Dib was fast asleep in his bed when Zim arrived at his house. Zim was able to easily slip into the human's room since the window was still broken from his earlier fall. The Irken slowly fell on his knees over the human, somewhat straddling his body. He glared at the sleeping Dib before slowly rasing his hand and slapping the human across the face.
"OW! WHAT THE H-" Dib was cut off by a black glove forcefully covering his mouth. He looked straight up and was surprised to find himself reflected in furious red eyes. He glared back. "Now listen, pathetic HYU-man," Zim hissed almost silently, close enough to Dib's face so only Dib could possibly hear him. "Zim still has questions and I know that you still have answers. Zim is being considerate; I'll let you answer them with the full use of your body and limbs. However, if you decide to not answer my questions and instead scream for help, I will waste no time in destroying you. Do we have a deal?"
Dib kept his eyes narrowed suspiciously, but slowly nodded at the Irken's words. Zim smirked and removed his hand from Dib's mouth, slowly backing up to give Dib space to move. Dib crawled out from underneath the covers. He was wearing a loose-fitting, black tee-shirt with matching black pajama pants. He made himself comfortable against the headboard before looking back at Zim. "Go ahead," he whispered.
"Why is it forbidden for two males to show intimacy and affection towards one another?" Zim asked, not missing a beat. Dib sighed. He had seen this one coming. "Technically, it's not forbidden. It's just not always accepted by society. When two males or two females are in love with one another, it's called homosexuality or being gay. In this town, homosexuality is somewhat neutrally accepted."
Zim nodded understandably. He was relieved to finally have an answer for that question, but there was still another one attached to it. "Why is GIR our 'forbidden love child?'" he asked.
Dib turned bright red at the question almost instantly. He crawled towards Zim. "GIR is NOT our love child! Understand that!" he growled in the alien's face. Zim glared, pushing the human away. "Then what is a love child?" he challenged. Dib smirked, a small plan forming in his mind. "A love child is a child produced when an unmarried couple take part in sexual intercourse."
Zim's antennas fell back against his head. His eyes grew wide and his green cheeks slowly started turning blue. His right eye twitched a few times. Dib's smirk grew wider, having witnessed an Irken blush for the first time. "You wouldn't happen to know what sexual intercourse means, would you, spaceboy?"
Zim's blush grew bluer and he snapped his head towards Dib. "Shut your noise tube, Dib!" he growled a bit loudly. Instantly he brought down his voice again. "Then why did that Earth child at Skool say that GIR was our love child? We never produced him."
Dib shrugged. "Sometimes, if your gay or too young to reproduce, you can share custody of an animal or some other object as a love child. What Rob was implying is that we're both gay and GIR was proof of that."
"...Oh," Zim said. Dib raised an eyebrow at Zim's out-of-character remark, expecting something along the lines of, "Foolish HYU-man! As if the mighty Zim would have a love child with YOU!" But instead, Zim just sat there on his bed, twiddling his thumbs, his blue blush still on his cheeks. Dib blinked, not expecting the alien to look so damn cute at the moment.
"...Dib-HYU-man, is it possible to have a homosexual Valentine at Skool?"
Dib turned red again and scratched the back of his head where his bruise used to be. "Um, yeah, you can have a gay Valentine at Skool. Nobody thinks much of it since we're children and the teachers have already lost faith in us." Zim simply nodded, stil playing with his thumbs. Dib froze when a thought dawned on him. "You're not thinking that we should be Valentines, are you?"
Zim jumped up in surprise, his entire face completely blue. "No, you inferior, horrible, disruptive DIB! Is there such a problem with Zim being CURIOUS?" Zim pointed his gloved finger at Dib. "Anyway, you should be grateful to EVER considered a possible Valetine candidate for the greatness that is ZIM!" The thought of being Valentines with Dib had in fact passed through Zim's mind but it was quickly followed by the thought of rather committing suicide than ruin his reputation like that.
Blinking, Dib stared at Zim. As much as Dib was expecting such an outburst, he didn't expect the large amount of defensiveness in Zim's voice and actions. Thinking it over, Dib finally said, "You just want someone to kiss you, don't you?" Zim dropped his finger, staring at Dib, utterly dumbfounded. That gave Dib his answer. Smirking, he stood up, taking a step towards the alien.
"Tell you what. Since I know how much you are dying to be kissed by the greatness that his DIB..." he spoke mockingly and took another step toward Zim. The Irken realized what he was doing and took a step back, only to slip on the sheets and fall over onto the bed. "...I'll let you be my Valentine on one condition. You can't make any plans to take over the world or destroy me tomorrow. Okay?" He leaned over Zim, placing a finger underneath Zim's chin, lifting up his head to make him look at Dib.
The way that Dib was exerting his dominance over Zim sent a shock wave though Zim's body. It may have been the odd feeling of submission Zim was feeling or the fact that he had learned more about human affection than he had ever wanted in one evening that had caused it, but it was different. And Zim didn't like different. Growling, he slapped the hand away from his chin. "You just want the chance to prove that someone can actually have affection towards you, Dib-filth." Zim stood up again, meeting Dib face-to-face. "Fine. I accept your conditions if you accept mine. You must promise that nothing will come of this and that you won't try to destroy Zim tomorrow."
"Done." Dib shrugged. He held out his arm towards Zim and said the words he never thought he'd say. "So Zim, will you be my Valentine?" Zim blinked at the hand in front of him. With a trace of awkwardness, Zim returned the favor, placing his hand inside Dib's. "Yes, Zim will become Dib's love-pig." The two shook hands while the clock next to Dib's bed struck midnight.
As Zim walked home on his own two feet, and as Dib began back into his bed, both felt completely restless. Zim's hands twitched slightly as his shoulders sagged, while Dib clutched the sheets on his bed tightly, trying to make himself comfortable.
Oh God... Dib thought.
Oh Tallest... Zim thought.
...what did I get myself into?
