Dinner that night at the Shortmans was excruciating.

For one thing, after that fun talk with his mom, he caught his mom and grandpa sniggering their heads off when they were all seated around the dinner table, giving him furtive looks.

Miles was confused at first, but then he followed Stella's gaze towards their son, interrogated her and his father in a fury of whispers, and when they were done, he'd burst out laughing, only to catch the glare his son was now giving him and abruptly started coughing and pretending to choke on a pea.

Arnold was not fazed. Oooooooh, he would show them all when he would see Helga at the book signing tomorrow. He would be courteous, he would be calm, he would not mention anything about reading about Miriam passing away, and above all he would not mention that the goth look suited her and those heels were amazing, please step on me wait what.

He would have to push those thoughts aside as he heard his grandma shuffling out of the kitchen and loudly proclaimed, "Let me help you Grandma!" as he noisily pushed himself off the chair to help her with the giant tureen. Ah good old Grandma, thank the lord.

His grandma of course, smacked his hands aside and told him not to disturb the soup, it was settling at a good mass and shouldn't be disrupted. Why Grandma, why.

She brought it over to the dinner table and Arnold, still hearing their snickers, decided to open the fridge and root around as if the secret to life, the universe and everything were in there.

What was wrong with him? He yelled quietly. Helga Pataki was a bully, and hateful to him! He shouldn't be thinking about how her poetry and work made his heart wobble and neither should he be thinking of how beautiful she looked when properly made up and he should not be thinking about that trashy thread where Helga had watched every episode of Say Yes To The Dress and provided so much colour commentary the rainbow would be envious.

He managed to calm himself down with the rational reasoning of, "Hey, she's only showing this through her work and her social media page. It could all be an act. Maybe IRL Helga was nice, but not as interesting as the Internet and her work was making her out to be."

Yeah. That was a pretty good one. He could live with that. All that conjecture about Helga? All could be easily explained! Helga was an adult, so was he, they could be normal interactive adults without being embarrassing!

Also, so what if Helga had a crush on him! It had been 18 years since they last saw each other! It was meaningless! Time's arrow neither stood still nor reverse or something to that jazz! They were practically gonna say hi to each other all anew, like they were strangers! It was all good! It was all cool!

A little too cool. He turned around to realise that he had opened the fridge for way too long and hadn't closed it yet.

He sheepishly did it, but not without a surge of confidence, and left the kitchen.

Everything was rational and good again!


Helga had managed to extricate herself from Rhonda's sobbing hug after letting her cry on her shoulder for the past 10 minutes ( "Okay, Rhonda, you gotta stop crying, it's getting a little weird now." "Wait, I have to tell you how much I love the worldbuilding in Umbrella Girl!" "Rhonda, please stop crying, I think your mascara is on my jacket now."), and was now looking for Gerald and Eugene, who had disappeared a while ago.

She could send Eugene a text…but her phone was currently with Fran, who had gone off to fix her makeup or something.

So, Helga had to make her way back to Rhonda, who had finally stopped crying, and was dabbing her eyes to fix what little makeup she had left. Rhonda looked back up to see Helga, and, after a couple of sniffs, looked back at Helga a little haughtily and went, " The lipstick doesn't wash you out at all. I thought it would."

"Nice backhanded compliment, Princess."Helga drawled, "Seriously though, can you help me get back to the main office? I need my phone to get it back from Eugene and I think we need to exchange contact details if you want those books signed. Besides, I really wanna see your copy of A Can of Beans."

Rhonda brightened up.

A Can of Beans was one of Helga's older pieces, about a short, very strong crush she had on one of her cast mates who had played her daughter in a drama piece. It came from them having a short argument about carrying groceries in a scene and her bag ripping, dropping all the groceries, but the can of beans was the only one that kept rolling away even after she had dropped them. It was a fairly simple concept, and honestly, that piece was unlike her other pieces because she had been experimenting with another form that time. But Rhonda had apparently liked it to the point where she cried over it or something. It had to mean something to her.

As she and Rhonda got out of the set, chatting amicably about Helga's upcoming schedule for the next few days in Hillwood, Helga relaxed a little more. She and Rhonda had never gotten along when they were kids, and Helga's abrasive nature, combined with Rhonda's disdain for anything vulgar and ugly, meant that they were incompatible working together. Their stubbornness to refuse to listen to each other meant they were often at loggerheads. Now, here they were, being civil. It was a good sign. Well, at the moment, Rhonda was telling Helga about her lovely weekend away with Raul on a yacht which was getting kinda pretentious for Helga, but meh, it wasn't as if Rhonda was her great friend or anything, she could tolerate some sort of small talk.

They got back to the main area, where they spotted Eugene and Gerald, and walked over. They were currently crowding over what seemed to be Gerald's desk, judging by the poster of Golden State Warrior Stephen Curry, and a Black Lives Matter sticker on his laptop. It was also covered with Tupperware filled to the brim with food.

Seeing Rhonda and Helga approaching, Gerald tried to hide the boxes, but Rhonda waved a hand, "Gerald, it's fine. I've known you've been taking food from the leftovers we have left, and honestly, I don't care. It would have been given to the cleaners and even then it would still have extras."

Gerald waved a hand in embarrassment, but Rhonda smiled. "Gerald, you're one of my better producers. Take the food." To Helga, she said, "I'll be in my office, come in later to look at my books."

And with that, she waved herself off.

"Never thought I would see Rhonda Wellington-Lloyd cry over literature." Eugene broke the stunned silence in disbelief.

Gerald snorted, "She's been obsessed over Umbrella Girl for ages. She's been talking about it for ages. She once held a meeting to discuss doing a video about the fashion choices of literary characters, and everything was from Umbrella Girl."

Helga was starting to feel a little embarrassed at having accidentally turned someone she knew into an obsessive fan of her own work. It was beginning to feel like egoism. She was going to have to move to another country if that kept happening. Eugene and Phoebe had always told her that her work was good, but they could have been saying that just because they were good friends of hers. The reviews said that her work was pretty good, but it could have been a fluke. What did people know anyway?

She pulled herself out of that funk when Fran ran up.

"Helga, your phone has been buzzing when I was in the bathroom, you better have a check and see what's happening." Fran said, passing Helga her phone. "I have to go and make a few calls, but you were amazing, I'll meet you when you're done so we'll get back and discuss the signing tomorrow, okay?"

Helga had opened up her phone to see her notifications, and she had gone silent.

"Helga?"Fran repeated again. That got Helga out of her thoughts.

"Oh, yeah sure sure, Frannie P." Helga said, waving her off. Eugene looked concerned as Fran left.

"Helga? You okay girl?" Eugene asked.

She didn't reply at first. Then she went, "Yeah." Voice getting stronger now. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. It's all good." She turned back to Gerald and smiled. "So, whatcha bringing back?"


It was only when they got back to the loft and Fran had finished running through a long, complicated plan that Helga told Eugene what happened.

Eugene, naturally, hit the roof.

"You talked to Olga F. Pataki? You replied to that hot mess? " He yelled, tossing his strappy heels aside because he had fallen down a few times when angry and did not want to ruin these pair of heels.

Helga winced, but she squared her jaw.

"She wants to meet tomorrow, for lunch." She said.

"Tomorrow!" Eugene repeated. "You are going to talk to Olga Pataki about legal matters and act like you two parted on simple terms when you know for a fact part of the reason she refused to talk to you was because she found you kissing Nilanjana Sikdar when she was comforting you during the funeral!"

"She's doing it because of lawyer's matters. "Helga replied. "She wants to settle wills and what not. Trevor is apparently making a campaign to run for Mayor of Hillwood or something, and her lawyers recommended they do this to settle their family's legacy. It's all business, I swear. I made Olga promise we do this business-like. She promises not to bring up mom, I promise not to make fun of her husband and his Republican aesthetic, and we promised we won't attack the kids. We'll settle it out, I agree to get the house china or something, and BLAM-O. We don't have to talk anymore."

Eugene wanted to argue some more but Helga continued, "It's been a few years, and I've got it figured out. It's only brunch. Olga and I will meet in public, there will be witnesses, Olga won't even dare make a scene since her husband is going to announce it. I'll just listen to what she says, and if I don't agree, I'll leave. I promise."

Eugene scrutinized her for a very long time. Then his shoulders drooped and he ran a hand across his red curls. "Fucking hell, Hell-Girl."

"That's what I do, Genie."she smiled, eyes getting watery. Eugene always had her back.

"Eurgh, fine, Hell-Girl. But on two conditions." Eugene held up a sharply manicured finger. "One: I'll sit in a nearby table and be your moral support. And so will Pheebs."

Helga started to protest but Eugene waved it off. "Nope, you get very emotional when Olga is involved, be it angry yelling and flipping tables, or crying and punching my poor mannequins. If you repress it, it would get worse. We'll be there, and you'll have backup."

Helga pursed her lips over this but nodded.

"And two," Eugene raised another finger. " You and I are going for drinks. You're buying. Right now. We'll call Pheebs to see if she will join us, and update her on the news. And I will require 2 apple ciders and more schnapps. I'll dish all about Caleb, and we will have a fun time out. Olga Pataki is the devil, but the devil can wait till morning."


Arnold woke up the next morning, feeling like death.

He rolled over to switch off his phone alarm, and went to check on his phone, which had two messages.

The first was from his mom, who sent a message saying, "Seriously, boy, think about it. Make me a proud mama."

That was excruciatingly embarrassing, so he ignored that.

The next was from Nadine, which read, "BRING MY BOOK SO WE CAN GET IT SIGNED, I SWEAR TO GOD SHORTMAN IF YOU DON'T I WILL BURN YOUR HOUSE TO THE GROUND. Also jk but really."

That was…kinda frightening, but okay.

He wondered if Helga would sign Moonlit Soliloquys. He wondered if he could get all his books signed.

He rolled his eyes at himself and decided to bring it, just in case. It made beautiful reading on the bus.

He shuffled out of his room just in time to see Gerald up and about. That was rare. Gerald usually slept till 9 and it was 8 am right now, he rarely saw him around for breakfast.

" Hey man," he said, rubbing a bleary eye. " How was yesterday? Why are you up this early?"

Gerald waved a spatula. " Eh, woke up early, decided to make bacon and omelettes."

Arnold nodded, shuffling towards the coffee pot with a little more life. "How were the interviews?" He mumbled.

Gerald shrugged, " Eh, same old. Tim scared himself out of three guests yesterday, and Helga told him to explain himself clearer, but he got scared and went to eat all the crackers in the office."

Arnold chuckled, " Poor Tim. He tries his best."

" Mhmm." Gerald hummed. " Also, Helga is a fucking natural at the camera, I think it might be all the media training authors had to go through or something, she did hers easily, and we wrapped pretty quickly." He pointed a spatula at Arnold. " She's changed, man. Changed."

" In what way?" Arnold asked, hoping against all hope he meant for the worse, but he knew he would be disappointed in that aspect.

" She's all… chill." the tall black man replied. " She didn't try and be mean, she didn't go up and say hi, just waited until Eugene invited her over, and then said Hi, all cool. She didn't even react badly when she heard your name, and you know how she used to yell and be defensive when she heard your name and stuff! She was totally unchilled last time. Now…" he pondered over what the best way to explain Helga now would be. " I think it would be safe to say that Helga Pataki is a very interesting person to talk to." He laughed. " You know, it's funny-"

Arnold raised an eyebrow. " What is?"

Gerald started unsticking the eggs from the pan. " It's so weird, but I used to think there was a possibility Helga had a crush on you!"

Arnold stared at Gerald.

Gerald looked back.

Gerald then threw back his head and laughed.

"I know, I know! It's ludicrous as hell! I don't think that really happened man!"

Arnold smiled, reassured that at least one person thought Helga crushing on him was a silly idea.


Helga, nursing a dehydration headache, grumpily stalked to the restaurant front that she and Olga were meeting for brunch.

Eugene and Phoebe had gone ahead earlier to scope out the site. According to Phoebe, it was a rather classy but casual affair, and it seemed to be a place where rich women met up for brunch. According to Eugene, they seemed to serve excellent tea. According to both of them, Olga had already arrived and was waiting at a table with an empty chair.

Helga looked at the last message on her phone and squared her shoulders. Olga always seemed to bring the worst out of her. She was determined not to let her childhood insecurities and anger at Olga take control of today.

She took a deep breath, threw her shoulders back, and walked in.

Olga could be spotted immediately. She had grown her hair out, curled a little around her shoulders, wearing a simple diamond solitaire on her neck and a ring that Helga knew cost way more than needed. She was dressed in cream, floral prints the only contrast, and she kept her makeup bare and natural, only mascara and chapstick. With her downcast eyes, lashes fluttering as she drank her tea from her teacup, Olga looked like any rich, blonde 39-year-old housewife. She also looked a lot like Miriam Pataki when she was still alive.

Olga had spotted her as Helga walked in and looked at the other blonde with trepidation and hesitation.

" Why hello, baby sister..." She trailed off when she took a proper look at what Helga was wearing. " That's... an interesting outfit!" She continued a little weakly.

Helga raised an eyebrow behind her shades. Always with a flair for the dramatic, she had decided to go badass in the hope it would give her some courage. Leather jacket, black Children of Bodom t-shirt, black pencil skirt and higher boots instead of her usual docs, as well as eyeliner and dark lipstick, she looked completely different from Olga, as it was the whole purpose. She also carried her locked away in her pocket, because something about 9-year-old Arnold Shortman gave her courage to talk to Olga rationally. At least, she was hoping it did.

She removed the shades to look at Olga directly in her blue eyes, eyes they both knew came from their Mother. " Hello, Olga, " she said in an even tone.

Two Pataki sisters in the same room after 13 years. Someone call the newspapers.


Arnold walked into the staff room with a sigh, only to be accosted by Nadine Jones.

" Did you bring my book, Arnold?" She asked," cause I want to get it signed and -"

Arnold produced the book out of the satchel he carried to work. Nadine was thrilled, in the same way Arnold recognised when she brought her pet tarantula to work, the time she read that an insect previously thought extinct was now thriving in Guatemala, and when she read that Chris Evans would still be in the Marvel Movies.

Arnold left her to her squealing, went to his desk, grabbed the worksheets that he knew the class would have to do today and walked to class, feeling confident that nothing wrong would happen today.


It felt like anything could go wrong at this point, at least according to Eugene and Phoebe.

Both of them were sitting across from Helga and Olga, shielded by plants so Olga and Helga couldn't see them checking up on Helga every few minutes. A waiter had come in to serve up food but both of them waved at him to put it down and leave quickly so they wouldn't get distracted.

"Honestly I didn't think Helga was going to agree." Eugene said. " I mean, I like to think of the best of our girl, but I don't like Olga."

Phoebe nodded," Olga has a tendency to make every situation seem like it's all about her, and it can be so shitty on Helga. She sometimes claims she's concerned about Helga but I've estimated only 35% of that actually happening. Olga is so self-absorbed it's kinda scary."

" And the large age gap couldn't have been a good thing either." Eugene sighed, putting down his cup.

They both watched Olga looking down at her clutch, and taking something out.

" What's that?" Phoebe asked.

" Can't tell, looks really shiny though." Eugene murmured.


Helga looked stunned.

" Mommy wanted you to have this." Olga said, looking down at her lap.

Helga looked at the medal. It was a rather cheap metal, and the gold shine of it had faded rapidly, but it was a medal which had a bull rider being flung around.

" That's the thing mom and I won when we got lost and lost all our money," Helga whispered. " I thought she lost it,"

Olga raised her eyes tiredly, " She kept it in the shelf of her room. When she- passed, and you left, we found it there under some empty bottles. We only figured out that she won it with you when we found the date of the medal and asked who and when it was won."

Helga didn't say anything to that. Olga continued.

" Little Sister, I don't agree with some of your choices, neither do I agree with what you did with that girl at the funeral-" Helga opened her mouth to harshly correct Olga but a shift made her feel the metal locket in her jacket pocket and she settled. " But I have always loved you, and I want you to know that. Daddy misses you too, he wanted me to tell you."

Helga silently thought that if Big Bob wanted to tell her something, then it would be amazing if he didn't send his daughter to be his lackey, but sure. This was fine.

Olga continued," With regards to the will-" here she took out a USB drive. " Everything is in here; Trevor and I agreed on it. I want you to look at it and I want you to tell me what you think. Give me your answer in a month's time. It doesn't have to be now, but it makes sense. Just have a look, and ask me any questions later, " she got up from her seat, smiling at Helga. " It was great seeing you again, baby Sister." And she left, leaving only her perfume behind.

Helga sat there, watching her go, while Eugene and Phoebe rushed over to her side. " What did she say?" Eugene asked. " Is she dying? Is that why they have wills?!"

"Did you agree to anything?" That was Phoebe urging her. " Talk to us, Helga!"

Helga held up the small USB drive and said, " My sister's will is in here and she wants me to see it."

The three of them looked at the USB Helga had in her hands.

Then Helga made a small growl. " Criminy, she invited me for brunch and yet ordered fucking nothing before she left. Now I'm hungry and need to stress eat. Waiter!" she barked. "Get us three mimosas and your cheese and mushroom omelettes- wait sorry, 2 cheese and mushroom omelettes, and one mushroom and ham," she corrected, as Eugene nodded approvingly. Even in her anger, she could still remember he was lactose intolerant. "And, if possible, sweet potato fries. Fucking hell, I could eat a dragon now."


Arnold finished school at 3.30, and spent a good hour marking papers, despite Nadine calling him a goody-two-shoes. He marked all the English essays in class, stamped them with the respective stamps, ate a light snack, and even managed to organize the next school play for the 4th-grade class before he was ready to go.

At this point, Nadine, who had been waiting impatiently for him, told him he was an idiot and dragged him over to her car. "Nadine, did you finish your papers yet?" He asked, curiously wondering how Nadine managed to finish up her marking in time.

" Did it all during my lunch break." Nadine said. "They were easy. My kids are great with Science. Like, some of them are kinda silly, can you believe they thought guys had uteruses too? But ultimately, I have them whipped into shape, and they're all learning about things."

Arnold could see that. They arrived at the carpark, and Arnold took the passenger seat while Nadine drove.

When they reached the comic book store, there was already a small queue, mostly teenagers, university students and small kids with their parents all waiting in line. They looked like the only adults there for now, but Arnold reasoned that they could be coming in later. He spotted his student, Jayden, in the queue who gave him a wave, and he waved back. They joined the queue, and just in time too, as after them, more people joined the queue. They had a good 20 minutes before they would start letting people into the store for the session, and as Arnold watch Nadine bounce giddily up and down, he was very confident that nothing would go wrong today.


Helga, Eugene, and Phoebe all sat around the table, staring at the USB sitting on the coffee table in the loft.

" We could look at it now?" Eugene asked tentatively.

"No." That was Phoebe. " I would recommend Helga only read this document in the presence of a lawyer to see if this is all legal."

" I still think she should have a peek," said Eugene. " At least have an idea what Olga is doing. It could be something shady for all we know."

Helga finally spoke. " Guys. I think Phoebe's right." she took the USB and stowed it away in her pocket. " I'll only look through this in the presence of my lawyer. I think Stan could look at this with a way better eye than I can." She looked at the both of them. " In the meantime, can you help me prep for the signing before Fran comes and gets us? We have a good one hour to go."


They reached the place in time with a good 10 minutes to spare at the back of the comic book store, where Fran ushered them into the back stock room to meet with the proprietor.

The man turned out to be the same guy who used to sell them comic books when they were kids. He gave them all friendly slaps on the back, and to Helga he opened his arms, " Helga, my dear. I read your work. Thank you for being this town's best comic writer. I think my eyes nearly cried when I saw the art. Who knew you could write?"

Helga brushed the compliments aside but gave him a hug.

Fran took the time to survey the audience outside, " There's a big crowd, honey! They're all waiting for you, and there are even little mini Lailas out there!"

Helga was shocked, " No way." She peeked out, and Fran was right. " Criminy fuckwits. They like my work?"

Phoebe rolled her eyes, and Eugene laughed.

Fran also whistled, and a stockboy passed her an envelope. " I wanted to surprise you, honey, but look!" She opened the big paper envelope and took out a slim novel. "It's Book 2!"

" NO FUCKING WAY!" Helga screeched, turning over quickly to grab the book. Fran was right. It was Umbrella Girl Vol.2. " HOW DID YOU-?"

" Darling, I work miracles."

It was beautiful. She didn't think she would ever say this about another book, but she had to. Sana did amazing work, and elevated her writing into something a little more than beauty. It was like looking into the face of a newborn child.

" Oh cripes," she whispered.

" Nope!" That was Eugene. ' Don't you dare start crying! You worked hard on that eyeshadow, and I am not redoing that mess!"

Helga held it in together. She smoothed her skirts. She took a big gulp of water from Phoebe's hand and swallowed. She felt more in control now.

" I'm good, I'm good," she said, calmly.

She was more than fucking good. She felt like she was on fire. She faced one of her biggest fears today, and she now held and cradled her newest baby childbook. What else could she do but face bullets and other deadly activities?


Arnold and Nadine stood up at the corner of the store, where most of the seats had been taken up by the children and the teenagers. The press had even arrived, one holding a video camera and prepping for the stage area set up, where Helga was meant to sit during the event. The two of them had a great corner where they could see the stage, and yet not make it totally obvious that they were there. It was a great space.

Nadine bounced up and down on the balls of her feet. " This is the best day of my life!"

Arnold rolled his eyes good-naturedly. " Even better than the day you met Oscar?"

Nadine stopped to consider that fact. " Yeah, I supposed meeting Oscar is up there."

" I can't believe you ranked it higher than meeting your partner-"

" Oscar is a delicate soul!"

"He's also a tarantula, Nadine."

Their bickering was interrupting when the emcee, the old proprietor of the shop, stepped up to the stage, and grabbed a mike.

The man thanked them for their enthusiasm and for their dedication to the store even after so many years. He made a short speech about how much he loved graphic novels, and how much he loved stories, so when he read Umbrella Girl, and saw that it was written by someone he used to know, he knew he had to call her in to do one book signing. The woman who wrote the books is as lovely as the art and words, and it was his ultimate pleasure to introduce Ms Helga Pataki, writer of the Umbrella Girl books as well as others!

All of them cheered raucously and for a moment, Arnold nearly couldn't hear what was happening next.

Then his ears started roaring as finally, FINALLY, Helga G Pataki took up the stage.

She was dressed like a steampunk era writer. Her white blouse was in a v-collar, showing a nice amount of collarbone and skin. She wore a fabulous top hat decorated with gears. Her skirts were pinstriped but with petticoats. Her ombre hair was in a braid, braided with copper wire.

Helga G Pataki was nothing but RADIANT.

His heart was about to twang itself out of his chest.

And it was at that point that Arnold lost his balance and fell down against a bookshelf, causing a few books to fall on his head.

Yeah, he was wrong. Everything was probably about to go wrong for him.