There wasn't much that either could say after their emotional blow out. So much needed to be said, needed to be forgiven, needed to be addressed. However, the hospital ICU was no place to do such altering movements. Instead, Derek sat quietly while Penelope gave into sleep while she had the morphine drip within her IV. He took his time simply watching her as she slept. He needed to study the pain that she was now suffering by the hands of a disgusting slimy bastard. Derek knew that he would need to learn what caused Lynch to snap. He had a feeling that Hotch knew. However, an attribute that he deeply respected about his boss what his ability to keep the secrets of the team within his heart without breaking.
He was reading a magazine when he heard a whimper of mourning escape Penelope's lips. Derek stood up and moved closer to her, watching as her hand constricted against her blanket painfully, her eyes squeezed tight. "Emily," she moaned, rolling her head to the side.
Derek felt his heart stop as that name escaped her lips. In the recent chaos surrounding his Goddess, he had kept his mind off the loss of his friend, his partner. Derek tentatively grabbed hold to her tightly gripped hand and whispered calming words to her. "It's okay, Baby Girl. You're safe."
Tears escaped the sleeping woman's eyes and her body seemed to relax in defeat. "Im sorry, Emily" she whispered, her mind slipping into further unconsciousness.
Derek couldn't control the burning of tears behind his eyes. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and was surprised to hear a grunt at the entrance of Penelope's room. Looking up, he saw JJ and Hotch in the doorway. JJ looked beyond heartbroken while Hotch seemed tense and protective of the woman in the bed.
Nodding toward the newest guests, Derek released his hold on Penelope and stepped backwards, trying to maintain quiet. When he stepped out of the room, he took one more glance at the woman he loved and felt his heart break all over again.
Derek made his way to the visitor's lounge where JJ and Hotch waited. JJ was pacing the room, her hands shaking with tears teasing her eyelids for release. Hotch remained against the wall, his glare focused and firm. When Derek entered the room, they stood in attention and looked to them with questions in their eyes. "Doctor Johnson is going to clear Penelope to be released as long as he is confident in her living arrangements post hospitalization. I informed him that I would be staying with her to help her with her transition post injury."
"Derek, is that what Penelope wants?" Aaron asked.
"Penelope needs the best care and attention at this time. From what I have gathered, the team still have 2 weeks off to handle the loss of Emily. I can spend that time helping Penelope adjust to her injuries and keep her from hurting herself." Derek stood firm looking at both his friends with conviction and confidence.
"As much as that seems honorable, that may not be in Penelope's best interests," Hotch said trying to look at the situation in a broader aspect.
"Regardless of what has happened between us recently, Penelope Garcia is still my best friend. I would give my life for her. She needs me, and us, more than ever."
"Derek's right," JJ said voicing her opinion for the first time since she saw her best friend. "Despite Penelope's feelings right now, she is feeling hurt, betrayed and abandoned. Penelope is a nurturer by nature. She always referred to her team as her babies and her super heroes. Now that one has fallen, she needs to confront Emily's loss." JJ tried speaking without too much emotion. She has been able to handle the worst of cases. She had seen some of the most disturbing of evils. However, seeing her best friend lying in that hospital bed beating and suffering was something JJ had never prepared herself for, leaving her vulnerable and broken.
"What are we doing about Lynch?" Derek asked, a growl being let loose at the mention of Kevin's name.
"As of now, our team is on leave to deal with Emily's death. We are not authorized to work any cases at this time, including Penelope's. I can call Sam Cooper and have their team investigate. Garcia works as their analyst as well as ours." Hotch was very frustrated with the policies made by the Bureau to keep them from investigating Penelope's case immediately. As an attorney and an administrator, he understood the necessity of the policies, however as a friend, giving the case to anyone else was killing him.
"That's bullshit!" Derek said angrily. "I want to hunt him down."
"We aren't vigilantes, Morgan. We need to let the system handle this," JJ said sympathetically.
"Our system led Emily to her death! Our system isn't letting us find Doyle any faster. Our system isn't letting us find Lynch and tear him apart limb by limb!" Derek could feel his anger radiating off him as if his skin was tainted with gasoline and a lit match was tempting him nearby.
"That's enough," Hotch said standing toe to toe with his agent. "You are not the only one motivated to tear Lynch apart limb by limb. You aren't the only one suffering with the loss of Emily. You aren't the only one disturbed by Penelope's attack. Instead of giving bold statements of vigilante justice, help us find Lynch and keep Penelope safe and in proper medical care."
"Stop it, both of you," JJ said getting between the two men. Looking between them interrupting their fiery stares, she said, "You are both upset and grieving. It's natural. However, this behavior is not acceptable. Penelope needs us now more than ever. Emily's case will be open ended for a long time. Our priority now needs to be with aiding Penelope in this dark time. She is currently in the hospital bed. She needs all of us, including Spence and Dave. Now, Derek," JJ shifted her gaze toward the defeated looking man, "Have you finished up Penelope's check out paperwork?"
"No," he responded.
"Then I suggest you do that. Aaron," she shifted her toward her tense friend, "Have you alerted Spencer or Dave?"
"No," he answered.
"I highly suggest you give them a call and inform them of Penelope's situation. For now, I am going to sit with her and keep her calm until she is released. From there, Derek is going to return her to her apartment and stay with her. We can make a schedule to make sure at least one of us is with her at all times. Is that understood?"
Both men nodded, feeling less confident in their ability to control their current emotional reality.
Patting them softly, she excused herself from the men and made her way to Penelope's room.
Derek and Aaron both watched JJ walk away toward Penelope's room. It wasn't until she entered the corridor that Derek turned his attention to his friend and took a defeated sigh. "Hey, Im sorry man," he said taking a seat upon the closet chair. "I just... I can't wrap my mind around this. Penelope getting hurt is one of my greatest fears and now it is back in our reality."
Aaron recognized the pain and conflict Derek showed. It was genuine and abundant. There was no denying that he was attached to his best friend. However knowledge of what occurred between him and Penelope left Hotch questioning the depth of Derek's devotion. Staring at the man before him, Hotch asked, "Can I be frank?"
Derek lifted his head after wiping his surface exhaustion from his eyes. "Shoot."
"Was Penelope a one night stand to you? Or is she more?" Aaron knew that normally this would be a very inappropriate and out of character question to ask, however he needed to know whether to encourage Penelope to rebuild her relationship with Derek or run.
Derek looked up at his friend with heartbreak within his brown eyes. "I have never loved anyone quite how I love Penelope Garcia, Hotch. The gift she gave me, the blessing of her love, her healing... it was overwhelming when both of us were in an ocean of loss. That is the only way I could describe that night. I will alway regret leaving her. If I hadn't left... If I had stayed... Penelope wouldn't be in that hospital bed."
"You can't speculate..."
"I should have been with her, Hotch. I should have convinced her that I was invested for the long run, that that night wasn't anything but magic and a new beginning, but instead I let my fear and heartbreak guide me away from her arms and now she is in more pain than she has ever suffered." Derek knew this guilt would never leave him. The image of her body so broken and injured would remain tattooed in his memories forever. No amount of confession or forgiveness could relieve him of that scar.
"Derek, she needs us now. She needs to learn to trust you again. She needs to cope with this attack and she needs to learn how to accept Emily's loss. It will be our job to help her transition and keep her from long term injuries." Hotch could feel the control return to his conscious as he began evaluating Penelope situation like any of their cases.
"She doesn't want me with her," he said sadly.
"Well thats tough for her. She will learn to deal," Hotch said, a slight smirk on his face. "You need to fill out the paper work so we can get Princess Garcia home."
"Princess Garcia?" Derek asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise. "I see Baby Girl has gotten to you."
Hotch only smirk and turned to make his phone calls to Spencer and Dave while Derek chuckled sadly and completely Penelope check out documents.
When JJ entered the hospital room, Penelope was staring out the window, tears falling from her eyes as her wounded body shook with sobs. JJ felt her own tears burn her as she stepped closer to her best friend. JJ was careful to lay down beside Penelope, mindful of her injuries and her shaking form. She rubbed her hand up and down her bandaged arm and cooed softly.
Penelope turned to meet her blue eyed beauty's eyes and let loose two rebellious tears. "Im so broken," she moaned.
"I know," JJ said tearfully.
"I keep replaying it in my mind. I can feel Kevin hitting me, throwing me, kicking me. I could feel the burn of the whiskey as he poured it over me. And yet, that isn't what hurts me most."
JJ looked at her broken friend and touched her wounded face softly. "What's hurting you, Pen?" she asked.
"I miss Emily so much," Penelope responded. "And I miss Derek."
"Honey, Derek is right here," JJ said, motioning toward the closed door with her thumb.
"No, Jayje. Derek is here out of guilt and obligation. You and I would be foolish to believe he would be here for any other reason."
JJ was saddened by Penelope's view of her best friend. JJ knew for years that Derek was the man that Penelope lived for. Kevin was a convenient substitute at best. However, this heartbroken Penelope Garcia had no faith in her relationship with the man who would move the earth for her outside her door. "Want to tell me what happened?"
With that opening, Penelope told her the entire truth of what happened between them after Emily's funeral. JJ was focused as she watched Penelope relive what happened between her and Derek. As wounded as she was, as Penelope spoke of how Derek touched her and how she needed to heal him of his pain, the love and passion that lived beneath her eyes was still burning bright. However, when the story took a turn from sexy to abandonment, JJ saw how that fire beneath her best friend's eyes diminished instantly. It was a shocking ending to such a passionate love story. JJ knew of all of Penelope's fears and insecurities that surrounded her heart and mind when she dealt with her complicated relationship with Derek. Derek leaving her that night reinforced every idea that she and Emily had worked so hard to push from her mind. As much as JJ wanted to rattle the agent outside the hospital room, she remembered his heartbroken demeanor when he learned of Penelope's attack and how he has been since then. She knew that Derek had a lot of work to to do regain Penelope's faith in him. Hopefully she and the team could lead him down the right path to heal her shattered heart.
