: Da Prez and The Keepers

A/N:. Apologies for not updating for ages. Updates will be faster from now on. Share and enjoy!

Another day, another torture, thought Peeta as he reluctantly awoke. He looked around as far as he could. No Peacekeepers, no President Snow, no nobody. That was strange. Peeta noticed that a stage had been set up though. He wondered which torture would come next.

President Snow was currently making a speech to Panem, his annual declaration in which new laws were made and old laws were abolished. The President's speeches were noted for their incredible dullness and their reputation for being crazy. In a poll of 'District Citizens' Most Hated Things', President Snow's speech came 2nd, after the man himself.

"So, The Hunger Games will be coming soon, like usual, and all that other stuff. The first new law is..."

Panem held its breath.

"Everyone has to watch Twilight before The Hunger Games!"

Panem started sobbing.

"A statue to remember Justin Bieber will be put up in the Capitol!"

That wasn't that bad. At least the tributes could vandalise it.

"One Direction songs will be streamed to every TV every day from your TV!"

This was what started the rebellion.

Snow grinned.

"Capitol rules, Districts suck! Now go back to your hovels!"

The President bowed, and walked through to Peeta's cell. He wanted to test out his latest rap. On the way, he picked up his band of Peacekeepers.

Unknown to the Districts, Snow was actually the lead singer in a band. This band was called 'Da Prez and The Keepers'. There were five Peacekeepers and President Snow in said band. The band's main instrument was a vuvuzela, played by Carius the Peacekeeper. Snow was excited. This was Da Prez and The Keepers' first live performance to a District citizen.

Peeta saw his door open and raised his eyebrows as Da Prez And Da Keepers came in, waving to non existent fans. The band took their places upon the stage. They readied their instruments. Then the third-most horrible sound in the universe was unleashed.

"Yeah! I am da President of Panem! Killin' District scum is just what I do! If you argue against me, you'll die too!"

Peeta stared in horror at Snow. Not even Snow could sing that badly. Had the President had lessons from Bieber?

"I like roses, they totally kick ass! Call me a pansy and I'll put some in your glass!"

Peeta decided that Bieber must have given his voice to Snow.

"Happy happy hunger games!" yelled the band in unison, apart from Carius, who had not stopped blowing the vuvuzela, which he'd been doing since the start.

"Blood and fear, so much fun! 23 tributes will never see the sunnnnn!"

The accompaniment was rising to a crescendo. A Peacekeeper was hitting a drum like a stress ball, while another was making his electric guitar squeal like a dead cat. Peacekeeper no.3 was smashing cymbals randomly, while no.4 was just plucking at a double bass furiously.

"Who's to blame! Who is the one who started the flame?" yelled Snow.

Peeta puzzled over those lyrics before deciding that it was Snow. Anything goes.

"It's the totally awesome, epic, amazing Prez! That's what he says! Obey him!" finished the President.

Peeta would have sighed with relief. But Snow pulled out a CD and put it on infinite loop. The band bowed, and strutted off to their gig in the Capitol, leaving Peeta to suffer in silence.

A/N: Read and review guys please, and apologies for the incredibly slow update. PS: 10 epic points to anybody who spotted the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy reference in the first A/N.