Disclaimer: Digimon is copyrighted by Akiyoshi Hongo and produced by Toei Animation, Disney, Saban, and TOKYOPOP. I only own the plot, and no profit will be made in any way.


Thoughts of the Children

Hopeful Outcomes: T.K. Takaishi

Loneliness: that was what I felt after Mom and Dad divorced. I always enjoyed having the family together. And I meant the whole family, from my brother, Matt, to my parents, to myself. We were one happy family together.

That was until the Highton View Terrence incident occurred. My brother and I watched the whole event occur, and I was eager on telling my mother about this. I was disappointed and sad that she did not believe me, because I felt she did not trust me.

It also turned out to be the day our family started falling apart.

After the incident, my father became very eager about the whole incident and wanted to know what exactly happened (since he never saw it for himself). That was why he agreed to work at the television station quite some distance from the household. Since then, he almost never made it home before by bedtime, and we all became very impatient and worried. No one was worried about it more than me, because I believed my mother was not going to take it anymore.

Six months after the incident, that was what happened. I was in Mom's custody, and Matt was with Dad. I felt very angry at the breakup. I told myself why did it have to be that way. It just made me very angry and depressed. Especially since both Matt and I tried the best we could just to keep the family together.

That was when my attitude changed. I became more a crybaby and a spoiled brat. I acted as if I wanted everything, and I felt whining would be the best solution to get what I want. However, there was more to my attitude change than just being greedy. I still could not get over the fact that my parents divorced, and my crying was a call for help.

Even so, I was still happy that Matt and I had special times together whenever he had the time to visit us. Seeing my big brother always made me feel happy, even though my father was missing from the group. I wondered if we would ever become one again.

Then, when my new friends and I traveled to the Digital World for the very first time, I felt very excited. Not only was it because I had Tokomon by my side, but also because Matt was forced to come along for the ride. Sure, he might have been strict and I hated that, but I knew that he was worried for my safety. However, the only thing that I was concerned with my brother was that he and Tai could get along!

During our early stages of our adventure, I started to feel very jealous of my friends because their digimon partners digivolved, but Patamon did not. Even though I was confident that he would reach to his potential, I also felt left out.

But when he digivolved to Angemon for the first time, I felt happy and safe. Plus, I wanted to prove that we were both capable of fighting and helping out like the others.

However, I felt like my heart was crushed when Angemon had died. Even with the others around, I felt very alone and cold; seeing that gave me chills down my spine. At first, I thought it was a nightmare, for I internally said to myself that I was dreaming that all this was happening. But after several moments, I knew it was true. Angemon was gone, and I felt hopeless.

But when I saw his egg, I felt relieved. It also turned my life around… sort of. I became very confident and hopeful. Perhaps that was why I received the Crest of Hope while battling Etemon, because I was capable of being confident and not becoming too cocky.

Unfortunately, all that hope inside of me slowly faded when we all became separated, especially after my fight with Tokomon. After our argument, I became extremely angry with him, mostly because I believed he was lying. He was supposed to be my partner, my friend. But when I found out that DemiDevimon set both Tokomon and I up, anger and regret took over me. I could not believe that I fell for that lie. I should have seen it, and I did not.

On the other hand, this experience taught me a very valuable lesson: I realized that despite my confidence, I was also very naïve. I had to be more open-minded on things. I had to trust my own instincts; allow my conscience to tell myself if this person was telling the truth or vice-versa. I just plainly believed DemiDevimon without giving my mind the opportunity to tell me he was fibbing.

Even so, there was still one thing that bugged me more than anything else: Matt treating me like a little child. Sure, I was small, but I wanted to be treated equally and not like some baby. It made me very upset that Matt would not allow me to prove myself that I was trying my hardest to grow up.

Still, it was a little upsetting to me that Matt went on his own… especially since he felt down and that he and Tai were brawling for supremacy. Even though I was encouraged to stay with Tai, Sora, and the others, I wanted to go with my brother. Unlike what they believed, I wanted to travel with him in order to cheer him up. But after knowing that I was unable to do that, I felt the only way for me to cheer him up was to do my best in battle so that he would be proud of me.

Perhaps that was what I did after Angemon digivolved to MagnaAngemon for the first time. Sure, Kari and I were falling to our near-deaths at the time, but I still believed that we were able to get through this obstacle somehow, and we did. It was a miracle, but we did it nevertheless. Also, even though Matt was a keychain, I could sense that he was proud of me, and I felt proud, too.

Afterwards, I became very confident with myself as I became fully aware of my surroundings. I always trusted my instincts before reacting to certain situations. Well, I might slip up once and a while, but I am not perfect, nobody is. Everyone will make a mistake once in a while.

That was what I found out three years after my first trip to the Digital world. I quickly got into a rivalry with Davis because he thought I was "stealing" Kari away from him. At first, I thought that he was just overreacting, but as time went on, I realized he was serious with his envy. It surprised me because he got all worked up for nothing! Even though I told Kari I cared about her in the World of Darkness, I cared about her as a friend. I have no love interests with her. Besides, I was still too young to think of something like this!

And it was my first visit to the World of Darkness when my troubles really began.

When I arrived at the entrance to the World of Darkness by the school, I felt mild chills down my spine. It made me cold and scared. Additionally, I had a faint mental picture in my head, a scene from about three years earlier. I couldn't depict it at first, but I realized it when we were at Ken's base. The moment I saw Devimon, the mental scene I saw at the beach clarified: it was the day when Angemon died.

Seeing that flashback made me enraged. Despite growing up, my ego was very fragile. Since then, I could not stand the darkness; I hated the darkness! Seeing the flashback led me to wanting to destroy Ken, and I went after him in a fight. I felt no regrets provoking the fight. It actually made me feel good inside, because I thought my actions told the darkness that I was there waiting for them.

Afterwards, my actions became uncharacteristic to the caring side that I usually showed. It especially showed after watching Davis and Veemon being chased by Tortomon. I was actually enjoying watching them being chased that mad digimon. While they literally ran into the hillside, I had a thought of them actually dying… and I enjoyed it.

After the incident, my obsession with destroying the darkness continued, even though I hid it very well. Unfortunately, it spilled after encountering BlackWarGreymon at the desert where the Destiny Stone rested. There, I vented my frustration on the darkness in front of everyone, and I wanted to destroy BlackWargreymon no matter what. I did not care if BlackWarGreymon had a heart full of gold; I wanted him dead.

But when Cody confronted him in the open a few days later, I had a lot of regret for my actions. I realized what I was thinking and how out of character I was during that time. From the moment I stepped foot into the Dark Ocean, to the fight with the Digimon Emperor, to my enjoyment with Davis's predicament, to my obsession with killing BlackWarGreymon, I felt a huge pain of regret. I wanted to keep the caring side that I was once a part of. I was losing that side that I grew up with, and I did not want that. Otherwise, I would stoop to the level of Myotismon or any bad digimon that we crossed paths with.

I first started remedying that when I bumped into Davis a couple of days after Cody confronted BlackWarGreymon. There, I apologized to him for my actions. To my surprise, he forgave me and put it behind him… even though his crush on Kari was still there. This time, I did not really care, for the rivalry – if it can be called one – was finally over.

Afterwards, I became happy and relieved. For the first time in my life, I kissed someone beside my own mother! That was something that I did not think I would ever do… but I was actually glad that I did it.

Still, something was amiss, something that I wanted so badly that I would do anything to get: having my whole family become one again. I do not mean Mom and me. I meant Matt, Dad, Mom, and I living in one big house with no conflict, no problems, nothing. We would be a big happy family in one big household.

When I saw that on New Year's Eve, I was a muscle away from fainting. I thought my dream came true. We were all together at last.

But when Patamon made me realize it was all an illusion, it made me very angry, and I mean angry. It was fine to make me mad, but putting my family involved was crossing… the… line! MaloMyotismon was not going to get away with this, and I was going to make sure of that.

And I was glad we made sure he did not get away with it. MaloMyotismon deserved to die, bar none. And from my friends' expressions – I could not see it, but I could tell they were mad – they were going to see that MaloMyotismon would regret it, also.

Still, I knew one thing was not going away: the darkness. The darkness was going to remain. No matter how hard we could try to destroy it, it would come back and counterattack. However, unlike earlier in our adventure, I did not mind it being around. Like the talk with Azulongmon, when there was light, there was darkness. Without its polar opposite, there would be no equilibrium. I learned to tolerate its existence, and now, I can live on with my life, knowing that I cannot live with one without the other…


I believe that there will be people who might view this as out of character. Because T.K. would never act this callous or cold. I know T.K. wouldn't act like that, but keep in mind that this follows the dub and that T.K. didn't act like he usually would during that specific arc. If it bothers you, my apologies for that.

Now, I'll conclude by saying that read and review if you enjoyed it. No flames please. Bye, now!

(Revised on 10/4/05; completely revised T.K.'s thoughts.)