Hello, hello! I now have a beta: thankthatstar. And I hope you love this chapter!
"You're just like Izzie."
Jo's hands dropped away from the keyboard, unable to proceed further in her note taking. Five hours had passed since she lied to Alex, her husband; the one person you should most definitely not lie to. No doubt he'd be utterly furious when he found out the truth. The resident felt hot tears spring to her eyes upon realizing she just potentially screwed up her marriage. Alex had been right, she was just like Izzie Stevens and that was a place she'd told herself she wouldn't be. "I'm an idiot," she whispered to herself and buried her face in her hands. "I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot; God, I'm an idiot." What had she been thinking? It had been a mistake not to correct Alex the moment it became apparent he misunderstood her. There was no recovering from this; not when they'd just gotten back from their honeymoon and she already broke the unspoken rule of marriage.
After the encounter, Jo trudged over to the computers whilst attempting to compose herself. On the outside, she was calm and collected. But on the inside, for if she didn't have to work twelve more hours, she would have been bawling. Doing something productive would distract her and that's all she needed at the moment. And it worked, too, for a good ten minutes until Stephanie barged in and ruined her concentration. The wannabe neurosurgeon's presence was a rare sight to be seen due to her excessive obsession with neuro and her slight disliking of children. "I can't believe you're actually thinking about a kid!" the exclamation was enough to jolt Jo completely. Her mouth went dry and she found herself to be at a loss for words. Word really did get around the hospital fast.
"Where did you hear that?" Jo fought considerably to keep her voice from trembling.
"I overheard Karev squealing like a little girl to Dr. Robbins that you were finally trying and that you suddenly wanted kids," Stephanie grinned wryly; completely oblivious of the sudden tension. Jo's insides were churching and she fought to keep control of herself; though throwing up seemed to be the best option. "So, working on the floor made you realize what you were missing, huh?" She nudged her friend, wiggling her eyebrows then sighed, feigning regret. "You've become one of those girls."
"No," Jo shook her head violently. Oh how far from the truth that was. "I just-" she paused upon realizing she had no definitive answer, especially none that would satisfy her friend without contributing another lie.
"I never took you as the kid type," Stephanie commented seemingly unaware of Jo's odd behavior. "But hey, things change," she shrugged."
"Yeh," Jo muttered, keeping her eyes downcast, "They sure do." The guilt was eating away at her; she wouldn't even be surprised if it drove her to the psych ward.
"Yeah," they fell in complete silence for a total of two minutes before Stephanie faced her with a wide grin and wiggling eyebrows. "I have some gossip for you if you're interested."
"Please," Jo rolled her eyes, relieved to be away from the baby subject. She'd never been one of those giggly, gossiping girls like in high school. She's matured, she was a productive member of society. What made Stephnie think she'd even want to-
"It's about your husband," Steph said in a sing song voice.
Screw maturity. "What about him?" Jo turned halfway to face her friend with a curious expression on her face. "What'd he do now?" As long as the police hadn't been called again she could deal with whatever mess he'd created.
Stephanie beamed, satisfied she took the bait. ""He had a fight with Dr. Shepherd over a patient's treatment plan. Some girl, Addie, I think her name was."
"Abby."
"Huh?" Stephanie was bewildered at the sudden disruption.
"Abby," Jo's cheeks felt warm. "Her name is Abby, not Addie."
"Right," Stephanie looked at her weirdly. "Anyway. Dr. Shepherd wrote in Abby's chart that she had no signs of abnormality anywhere or a tumor or anything else. She said she could go home and Karev was not happy. He insisted Shepherd must've missed something and demanded to see her scans for himself." Jo winced. Dr. Shepherd did not like being bossed around, much less by someone not in her department. "Well, naturally Shepherd was furious and I'm surprised security hadn't been called."
"That bad?" Jo winced again. An angry Alex was not good. She'd definitely witnessed it and been at the receiving end of his anger.
"Girl, I don't even think your fights have ever been that bad," Stephanie stared pointedly. Jo doubted that very much but let her continue anyway. "I don't know what the big deal is; sure it's sad and I don't want the kid to die but there's nothing we can do." Jo stayed silent without offering her own opinion on the matter. "Between you and me," Stephanie paused for a moment, reluctant to finish. "Between you and me, I think he's attached to Abby."
Jo frowned. "Why would you think that? He just wants her to get the best care; you know he's passionate about kids."
Stephanie gave her a "duh" kind of look. "Come on, Jo. You know him better than anyone, well, maybe besides Grey, Yang, Robbins-"
"Your point, Steph?" Jo interjected irritably.
"My point is; he wants kids, Jo, we both know that. And he's obviously taken an attachment to Abby. Have you met her parents?"
"They're dead," Jo said quietly, giving a sideways glance down the same hall Abby's room was in. "They died of cholera while exploring in the Amazon." A twinge of pain hit her heart but she couldn't figure out why so she shrugged it off; death was sad, she was allowed to be sad for Abby.
"Wow," Stephanie was speechless. "That's insane. Is she in foster care or something?"
"Sonny's Orphanage. Alex and I met one of the caretakers, Margaret. She's really nice."
"No wonder Karev likes her so much. He wants to adopt her!" Stephanie said with realization. "You're about to have a daughter." The resident was excited for her friend until she noticed Jo's face that conveyed the exact opposite of what she thought she'd be feeling. 'And that's good...right?"
Jo squirmed in her seat. "I should really get back to my notes," she made to start typing again but Stephanie took the mouse away. "Steph!"
"Okay, what's going on?" Stephanie asked in a no-nonsense tone that Jo couldn't really ignore. "I hear Karev saying you finally want a baby but I talk about adoption and you clam up?" Jo bit down on her lip, ashamed. "Oh God, Jo. You don't want kids, do you?"
"Not really," Jo ran a hand through her hair. "Maybe. I don't know. I don't have time for them right now! I'm just ending my residency and I have to figure out if I'm doing a fellowship or not and what freaking specialty I'm doing," the frustration in her voice was evident. "I can't handle a kid, Steph. I just can't."
"Than why did you tell Karev you were?" Stephanie was neither angry nor accusing.
"I didn't mean to," Jo confessed. "He misunderstood me. Abby asked me if we had kids and I said no and I got upset, yes, but that's for a completely different reason. I didn't meant I wanted kids."
"Okay," Stephanie wasn't following. "So why were you upset then?" Jo froze; it didn't occur to her until that very moment Stephanie didn't know about the visit with the fertility doctor, no one did. A small part of her brain encouraged her to backtrack and keep the secret just that-a secret but Jo knew better. When Stephanie wanted to know something she dug and dug until she did. She couldn't risk Alex knowing so as much as she preferred to bury the conversation and never bring it up again; she knew she was forced to confess.
"I'm going to a fertility doctor," she shut her eyes so she didn't have to see Stephanie's reaction. "I saw her once and she ordered a ultrasound, I'm just waiting for a conforming call to confirm the date."
"Oh wow," Stephanie uttered, shocked.
"I was upset because this kid subject is getting thrown in my face and yeah, maybe I want one someday, but not now. I'm kinda hoping my test shows I'm infertile so I can't have kids and I won't feel guilty for not giving Alex what he wants." It felt so good to say it all out loud, even if that person was her best friend and not her husband, whom was the real person that needed to hear it. "I lied because Alex looked so happy that we we're finally going to start trying. I didn't want to break his heart."
"I don't want to be the debbie downer or something," Stephanie's tone indicated to Jo she certainly wasn't going to like what she had to say. "But you do realize you might have just destroyed your marriage? I mean, Karev's pretty sensitive, even if he doesn't want to admit it. I don't think he'll take this well..." she trailed off.
Jo shook her head vigorously. "You can't tell a soul, especially Alex. Promise me you won't?"
Stephanie bit down on her lip. "Jo-"
"Promise me!" Jo pleaded. "Steph, please?"
"Oh, alright," Stephanie groaned to her relief. "You better hope this doesn't get out of hand."
I think it already did, Jo thought grumpily. She was brought back to reality by a searing pain in her abdomen. It started out as a small prickle, one that she'd had plenty of times before but shrugged it off as her diet; after all, when working as a surgeon in a hospital you didn't often get a cooked meal and mostly relied on cafeteria food or a vending machine. But this; this was intense. "Steph," she gasped. The lower portion of her stomach, nearing the groin area, felt as though it was being squeezed by a python.
"Oh my God, Jo, are you okay?" Stephanie asked, panicked.
Jo griminced as the severe part of the pain came into play. It was like hot needles; extremely hot needles that were on fire and scraping across her uterus. It was nothing like she'd ever experienced before.
"I'm going to call for a gurney," Stephanie wiped out her pager, "and Karev."
"No!" Jo snatched it, quick as lightning. "Alex can't know!"
"Why not?" her friend exclaimed in exasperation. "You're obviously hurt for something. He's your husband; he has a right to know."
"I'm fine," Jo closed her eyes, slumping down in the uncomfortable chair as the pain died down slowly. "I'm fine really."
"You should still get checked out," Stephanie insisted. "Let April do it or Hunt-somebody."
"I'm fine," Jo repeated. "It was probably just cramps. I'm irregular." While that wasn't a lie, she knew deep down that wasn't the cause. She'd had painful cramps before, ones that left her in bed moaning and groaning. But these had been different; her insides felt like they were being twisted. She could feel her pulse rising from the pain. It hurt so bad her vision was affected and the very simple action of getting air seemed impossible.
Stephanie seemed doubtious by her quick explanation. "Those didn't look like regular cramps. Are you having any other symptoms? It could be your appendix radiating pain or something ruptured or-"
"Steph, I'm fine," Jo cut her off. The resident rubbed her temples, mentally-and physically-exhausted by the conversation. A nap was sounding really good right now but, to her dismay, her shift didn't end for seven more hours.
"Uh huh," Stephanie crossed her arms. "Jo, this is ridiculous. You're in a hospital; you work in a hospital. If you're feeling bad just go get checked out. No one will care.
"Doctors!" a young nurse, one neither could place a name to, rushed at them frantically. Probably a newbie, Jo thought. Newbie nurses always panicked. "She's crashing!"
"Who?" Stephanie asked as she and Jo both stood up quickly. The girl rambled in a nervous way which didn't offer them any information. "WHO?"
"Uh, uh, the girl in 511," the nurse blurted out, "Warren, I think."
And just like that, Jo bolted down the hallway faster than she ever had before.
