Disclaimer: I own no identified Mortal Instruments Characters. No copyright infringement intended.
.:.
Previously:
"I knew something was wrong, I just knew, and after talking to Isabelle I ran to the apartment. When I got there I checked a few rooms before the kitchen, but that was where I found her. She was laying there in a pool of blood and there was a box of rotten roses and violets laying on the counter. I knelt down and checked her pulse before pushing the note that was beside her into my pocket and picking her up to bring her here." My voice was lifeless and my body was numb. And as I slowly lifted my head to look at my dad, I saw a flicker of pure rage that was masked by concerned which was layered with a business like glint in his eyes.
"You should have at least told me about the first note, son. If you had we would have at least been alerted and been looking into anything weird."
"I know, but I just figured that it wouldn't help anything if I did. I regret that now."
.:.
CLARY
The thing about waking up in a hospital is that no matter what, you always know you're waking up in a hospital. The sterile smell of cleanliness and oxygen, the blaringly white walls; it all added up to the simple fact that you're stuck in a place that is full of people who are sick and trapped. Knowing that, is why I hated hospitals with everything in me. That, and because the last time I was at a hospital, it was to see my dad after his heart attack and he died that same day.
What was really irritating to me, though, was that I hadn't woken up of my own accord. There were fingers pressing against my forehead, prodding at something that was painful as all hell, and a hand was wrapped around my shoulder, lightly shaking me awake. My eyes, as they adjusted, only saw white and I had to assume that it was the doctor's coat. Or the wall, but I was leaning toward it being the doctor.
"Good, you're awake." He remarked and I rolled my eyes because obviously his waking me up was his plan all along. Pain erupted behind my eyes, stinging my brain, as they rolled and I couldn't keep from wincing. "You're going to feel uncomfortable for a second." He said, pressing harder against whatever it was that he was playing with on my head. I bit down on my lip to keep from yelling out at the searing pain that sprouted from his touch and felt a few tears leak from the corners of my eyes. Uncomfortable didn't even begin to describe how I felt.
The doctor then moved away from my head, his hand reaching into the pocket of his medical coat and producing what looked like a pen. It wasn't. It was a light leader and it burned my eyes as he passed the light it emitted over my face. "Good, good. You're eyes are dilating just fine and have no problem following the light." He said and, to my utter happiness, put the killing light back in his pocket. "It doesn't seem that you have a concussion, so you're free to go home. If you experience any pain, take a couple of aspirin and you should be fine."
I frowned in confusion. "Concussion? Why would I have a-"
"You don't remember? Your friend came in here with you saying you had fallen and hit your head."
"Oh." I replied lamely. I did remember. The flowers, the card of creepiness, pain splitting my head as I found myself rushing to the floor. All of it was there, imprinted in my mind. "I remember, I just didn't think it was that bad."
The doctor nodded his head and I was more than relieved when he left the room. I didn't hesitate in climbing off the bed and dropping down to my feet. I wanted to go home and take a dozen Tylenol and place ice packs all over my body. My whole body ached, I felt like crap that had been run down with a semi truck or train, or maybe even both. I pushed my feet forward, into the bright hallway, and graoned in further aggravation as I heard Jace's voice as I turned into the waiting room.
"..I know who I am, thank you." He snapped. As I rounded the corner and stepped into view of the lobby area, I immediately found him. He was sitting in a chair, arms over his chest, and his hands were pulling tightly at the jacket he was wearing. His face was set in a look of absolute annoyance and there was a woman in a blue nursing outfit talking to him. Her eyelashes were batting, her chest was pushed forward. I rolled my eyes at the sight, grimacing again at the pain.
"But why are you at a hospital?" Her voice was high toned and I found it really grated my nerves.
"So I can be pestered with fangirls in a nurse's uniform. Obviously." He replied, glaring at her before flicking his coppertone eyes from her face to the wall behind her. His eyes locked with mine, as I happened to be standing along the wall he was staring at, and I saw relief flood his features. He stood up, brushing aside the nurse and in a matter of steps he was right in front of me. As he moved, his jacket fell open and I caught sight of the red stains that were soaked into the fabric, my eyes widened. "Are you okay?" He questioned and I was taken back by the gentle quality his voice had taken on. His eyes, fiery with anger and irritation just seconds ago, were soft and shimmering as he looked at me.
I felt small, weaker than I had felt in a long time, under the burning intensity of his gaze and lowered my eyes to the floor. I could also feel a burning tingle littering my cheeks, a near foreign feeling as I hadn't blushed in quite a while. "I'm good." I answered, shoving my hands in my pocket.
"Thank the angel." He exclaimed and surprised me by pulling me into his arms. I immediately stiffened, my whole body going rigid, as he hugged me. Slowly, my muscles relaxed and allowed me to wrap my arms around his chest for a mere fraction of a second before I pushed away. When I looked back up at him, his own face had taken a slightly pink hue and he looked frazzled. "Let's get you home, huh?" He said after a minute of awkward silence.
I nodded slightly and walked in front of him as he had gestured. We didn't talk for a while as we made our way home, the only sounds heard being the rushing cars and hundreds of other people talking around us. I could see Jace stealing glances at me from where he walked beside me and it was beginning to drive me crazy, the feeling of his gold eyes lingering on my body. "So, where are Izzy and Alec?" I asked and cleared my throat, trying to ease the tension.
"Huh? Oh, I sent them to the apartment with my dad."
"Your dad's there?"
"Yeah. He wanted to see the letters and get the flowers."
"Oh. Alright." We lapsed back into silence and I found myself frowning at the whole situation. Usually whenever we were quiet, there was no underlying emotion of threat of awkwardness, but now it seemed like our silence was yelling that things needed to be said. I decided it was best to not dwell on it though, and pushed it aside.
.:.
The next few days passed by without much incident. I was still in some pain, headaches decidedly surprising me whenever I least expected. It was a bitch to deal with, but I had expected it and the only problem that the headaches seemed to cause was whenever I was trying to write a song. Every time I would pencil to paper, nothing seemed to want to come to me like the pain had created a wall between me and inspiration.
Jace and I haven't really spoken much since that night either, not that I could complain because he wasn't really antagonizing me either. It was almost like we didn't know how to be around each other now that one of us has done something kind for the other. It was beginning to irritate the hell out of me. We'd avoid each other at all costs almost, it seemed, like gravity was pushing away from crossing paths. Like magnets. We needed to grow up and get over our aversion though, because we had a song to write together.
Currently we, Isabelle, Alec, and I, were sitting in the tech area of Jace's sound booth while he worked through one of his songs for Chasing A Rock Star. As I understood it, Jace's songs didn't have to have as much meaning behind them as I did. Our character portrayals were going to be so different from each other in terms of music, his music being about his drive to be a rock star and willing to write about anything to get him there and mine being about a girl who is broken by her past and writes music to alleviate her pain. Honestly, I was jealous because his task was so much easier.
"Okay, kiddies, step back from the sound board." Jaida exclaimed as she walked through the door. Jaida was responsible for making our music sound even somewhat presentable to the public and was perhaps the most brilliantly minded person when it came to being a sound-tech. Izzy and I moved back to the couch in the back of the room and let Jaida and Alec sit at the window. They put on their headphones and once Jaida got things set up to where she wanted, she hit the glass of the window to signal Jace to begin again.
From the get-go I knew this was hard to hold
Like a crash the whole thing spun out of control
Oh, on a wire, we were dancing
Two kids no consequences
Pull the trigger, without thinking
There's only one way down this road
It was like a time bomb set into motion
We knew that we were destined to explode
And if I have to pull you out of the wreckage
You know I'm never gonna let you go
We're like a time bomb
Gonna lose it, let's defuse it
Baby, we're like a time bomb
But I need it
Wouldn't have it any other way
Well there's no way out of this
So let's stay in
Every storm that comes,
Also comes to an end.
Oh resistance, is useless
Just two kids stupid and fearless
Like a bullet, shooting a lovesick
There's only one way down this road
I had to stop listening then, choosing to leave the room. I understood the meaning behind the words better than anyone. I wrote about the volatile relationship Jace and I shared more than I ever could like or admit, those songs are never really recorded except every now and then though. I was honestly shocked that Jace wrote something like that when he was given a pass at writing something heartfelt. That is, if that qualified as heartfelt. I didn't know. I really didn't know much of anything anymore.
I sat down on one of the benches that lined the hallway, toeing the floor with my boot. I was angry at him for targeting me with his words, but, I was also jealous. It didn't seem fair to me that I was stuck in a writing rut and he was writing fantastic songs with actual meaning. I wished and wished I could do that merely days ago. I actually did the childish thing and once it eleven eleven I wished for words to come to me, but all I got was a paper full of comic strips I had drawn.
I was so immersed in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed someone sit down beside me until they pushed my hair away from my face. I looked over and into the shining eyes of Jace. He offered me a small smile and dropped his hands to his lap, clasping them together. "I'm sorry." He whispered. I nodded my head at him. I knew what he meant, he was sorry for everything that had happened between us, not just the song.
"I won't say it's okay. It isn't, but I can learn to forgive you." I responded and stretched my arms out in front of me. "I never thanked you."
"What?"
"I never thanked you for taking care of me when I fell." I clarified and looked back at his face, straight into his eyes. "You were so gentle with me and I could see how worried you were. So thank you for caring enough to make sure I didn't die or anything." I averted my gaze then, choosing to stare blindly at the albums on the walls. This moment was one that, deep down, I knew would change everything. I was letting down part of my barriers and exposing the softness I still carried over from our school years, I was allowing him to see how vulnerable I still was.
He grabbed my hand, squeezing it lightly. "I promised I wouldn't let you fall once. I still intend to keep that promise." He answered and I had to swallow thickly and keep my eyes down to control the influx of both the sadness and warmth spreading through me.
"Let's go to Idris." I said quietly after a few minutes. I finally managed to turn my gaze back to his and I bit my lip hesitantly. I was terrified he'd say no.
"What?" He questioned, echoing his previous use of the word.
I tightened my hold in his hand. "Let's go to Idris for the weekend. I need to get away from the city and whatever crazy bastard is skulking around. I need to clear my mind and write. I've been wanting to go for a while, but I can't go alone. I'm scared to go alone." I explained, my voice taking on a nearly pleading quality.
Jace sighed and moved his eyes to our hands. He stared at them for a bit, his brow furrowing as he thought. "Why me?" He asked finally. I knew he would bring it up, why of the three of them did I want him with me."
"Well, for one, Isabelle has a date with Simon this weekend and Alec is meeting some mystery date. Two, that town is crawling with memories of you and me together and I don't think that going there with someone other than you would be a great idea. You helped make the images burned into my mind and eyes alike, you get to help me take them head on."
He nodded then, squeezing my hand again. "Okay," he said. "We'll go."
.:.
I was thankful that I had already had the sense to dress comfortably today, selecting a plain deep blue tank top, ripped jeans, and my old yet so adorable boots that I had gotten my sophomore year, because, the drive to Idris took maybe two hours, I should add, that flew by because Jace and I ran lines all the way there despite his driving. By the time we had made into the second half of the film, the part that's focused on Daniel having to leave Scarlet to go on tour, we had arrived at the house. My childhood home never seemed to change much over the time in between my visits, except the grass length of course. It was large, as were most houses in Idris, and looked like something you would have expected to see in the early nineteen hundreds with it's old Victorian appearance. It was was just beautiful. And it'd always be my home.
Jace carried our bags up to the porch and stood at the door, waiting for me to finish looking at it. I walked up the steps, hand digging into my purse for my keys, and easily unlocked the door. I pushed it open and peered into the darkness. It was too still in there, so still that I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to go in, cross the threshold. That and I was still nervous about being the house with Jace after last time.
"You know, we can camp out here and stargaze." His honey smooth voice said behind me. "But we have no camping gear, so let's go inside." He finished and pushed forward.
I unsteadily followed after him, holding my breath as I stepped inside. My heart clenched at the sight of all the furniture and pictures on the walls, they were coated in dust and everything just felt so unlived in. I walked through the living, my hand trailing along the back of the couch and collecting dust as I moved. Jace had already gone upstairs and I trailed after, taking the steps two at a time. For a second, I felt like I had flashed back to when we were teens and I was running after him up the stairs to my bedroom. He always hid there, always.
I rounded the corner and into the hallway, staring at the end door like I was in The Shining for a moment before turning to open my bedroom door. Everything was in it's exact place, the tightly tucked in blankets of my bed, the posters and drawings that decorated the pale green and turquoise walls, the pictures I had left stuck in the rimming of my mirror. All of it.
I looked over to my bed, eyes wide and tearful as I replayed the last events that happened there. Since that night, I had refused to sleep in here, demanding I sleep in the guest room. I couldn't bear to feel the scratch of my sheets against my skin or smell the rustic scent of him that had lingered on my pillows. I walked over to the deep brown spread, stripping away the blankets and sheets and wadding them up into a ball before chucking them towards the door. I almost pelted Jace as he walked through.
"We're here for five minutes and already you're trying to hurt me? That hurts, Clare." He said as he walked through the door, clutching his hand over his heart.
I rolled my eyes at him and threw a pillowcase at him after taking it off the pillow. "Haha, Jace, you're just oh so comical."
"What's wrong?" He asked with a frown as he pulled out my desk chair and sat down in it and swiveled around.
"I'm just not so sure coming here was such a good idea anymore."
"Why?"
"It's silly."
"Tell me anyway. Please?"
"I don't want to sleep in here."
Jace looked at me, his eyes burning bright like golden orbs of heaven. "You don't want to sleep in here." He repeated slowly before shrugging. "I suppose it is rather dusty." He responded and I watched as he dragged his finger through the fluff on my desk, rubbing it away with his thumb.
"It isn't that. Though, I was thinking about calling a service to come clean up the place a bit."
"Why would you call a service for something we can do ourselves?"
"It would take hours for us to clean the whole place."
"Whatever." He shrugged again, pushing up from his seat and walking over to my mirror. He plucked a picture of us from the frame and wiped off the grime that covered it.
I knew which one he had, it was taken two nights before everything changed so drastically, two nights before graduation. We had gone to the mall and sat inside one of the ridiculous photo booths that allowed you to pick cheesy frames. Our frame had been a wanted poster and the picture he was holding was one of me leaning into him with a small smile as he kissed my head. I had ripped it off the strip of photos after he said he was keeping them all to himself, he tickled me to the ground afterward and once he managed to get it away from me, he simply stuck it into the mirror.
"What's the real reason you don't want to sleep in here, Clare? It is your room afterall."His voice startled me slightly and I jumped in shock, making him smile.
I sighed and looked down at my hands, feeling a wave of embarrassment flow through me. "It's the bed." I whispered softly as I fidgeted. "I haven't slept in it since graduation." I admitted and looked up at him to gauge his reaction. His jaw dropped slightly, eyes widening, and he reached up to push a hand through his blonde locks.
"Oh." He said. The syllable of the one word seemed to jump around my room loudly, echoing off every surface.
"Yeah. I had holed up in the guest room after that and I can't sleep in there this weekend since you're stationed there and I refuse to sleep in my parent's room." I shook my head and walked forward to grab my wad of bedding. "I'll get over it. I'll call and have someone come clean and things will be fine." I wasn't quite sure who I was trying to convince as I rambled; me or him.
.:.
The cleaning service showed up an hour later and I had been anxiously waiting for them in my father's study. It was less dusty than the rest of the house because of my stay in the room just a year ago. As soon as I heard the knock at the front door, I nearly ran to open it, ready to be rid of the lingering smells of ghostly memoirs. When I had the ladies settled into the house, directing them in what I wanted done as I led them throughout the rooms, I decided to get Jace and get our of the house to stay out of the way.
We were walking around the small town aimlessly for about fifteen minutes before we found our way to the fairgrounds. Neither of us had stepped a foot in the fair after our first and last time there and being back was daunting to say the least. We heard mumbles of recognition as we made our way, but we ignored them, too caught up in the atmosphere the fair created to give a damn about being celebrities. We didn't bother riding anything or playing any games, we just walked through the crowds and watched on as kids ran around screaming and laughing.
When we neared the ferris wheel, however, both of us seemed to tense. I looked up into the sky to see the baskets as they circled and nearly cried as a yellow one stopped at the center of the top. Jace seemed to follow my gaze because I heard his ragged intake of air and saw him look away in the corner of my eyes. Up there, in a yellow basket, above the world, everything started. In that carriage, the friendship Jace and I held shifted into something with deeper feelings and complications. Up there, away from the influences and stresses of what our life had been, he kissed me for the first time.
Feeling daring and bold, I grabbed his had and marched us toward the wheel. We didn't wait in line long before we were boarding a blue carrier and circling upward towards the sky. We sat in silence for a while, both of us wrapping our minds around being cooped up in a small plastic basket and dangling above the ground all alone again.
"Clary." Jace started and I shifted my eyes to look at him and noticed the pained and guarded expression he wore. "I think we need to talk."
"About what?"
He shot me a look that said he didn't want to play games. "You know what. We can't keep pretending nothing happened between us, we'll never live a life of happiness if we do. We'll never move on." He moved and placed his elbows on his knees, leaning his weight on them. "I can't imagine how you felt after that night, scared, angry, hurt, confused, I can't imagine the war you waged on yourself trying to figure out my actions. And I can't imagine you ever did find out my intentions." He said, looking into my eyes deeply and I could see so much flickering like flames in his. He reached out and cupped my cheek, his thumb smoothing over my cheekbone and ultimately wiping away a tear as it fell. "I'm ready to tell you what happened, Clare. I'm ready to face I did." He whispered, his voice only barely loud enough for me to hear.
I nodded my head at him, moving my hand up to grab his from my face and hold. "Okay. I'm listening." I answered with a shuddering breath. And I was, I was prepared to take on the onslaughtt of emotions his next words would inflict, I was ready to finally hear why I had tore myself apart. UI was ready for the truth.
.:.
YES! I had to rewrite this WHOLE chapter because I accidentally deleted the original, but I like this one so much better. :D
Answers come next along with the harrowing tale of Jace and Clary in their teens!
~TBandL
