Seven.

The trouble with being empathic, at least for Olivia, was she had trouble walking back that intense concern, and it had the potential to be all-consuming, especially when mundane paperwork consumed most of her days. As expected, Carisi was quickly exonerated. Not only that, the newspapers lauded him as New York's latest hero. Local television and radio stations called incessantly. Everyone wanted to talk to the young, handsome detective who saved the city from a vicious predator. Outwardly, Sonny handled the attention as if he'd been exposed to it his entire life. He politely declined interviews. He gave reporters terse yet polite statements. Four days after the shooting, Sonny declared he was ready for regular duty and inserted himself back into the rotation. Olivia observed all of this with a great deal of skepticism, but she avoided doling out unsolicited advice. The day Carisi returned she spoke to him behind closed doors, asked if he needed anything, offered to listen if he wanted to talk, and nodded when he adamantly insisted he was fine.

"I did what I had to do, Lieu," he said impassively. "Any cop woulda done the same thing. No brainer."

Olivia reluctantly let the conclusion stand. But that didn't mean it satisfied her. Complicating matters was the increasingly blurred line between their personal and professional lives. Olivia had to treat him like any other member of the squad, but she loved him like a son. She was tempted to seek out Chief Dodds for advice.

Instead, she called Doctor Lindstrom.

He greeted his infrequent patient with an uncharacteristic hug and motioned for her to have a seat. He asked about her family and she proudly showed off photographs of Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt. Lindstrom noticed the cast and Olivia boasted of Noah's bravery and his successful quest to completely fill his cast with signatures.

"It sounds like you and Ed have your hands full," Lindstrom remarked blithely.

"We do…but we're so happy."

Lindstrom raised his eyebrows.

So why are you here?

"I'm sure you heard about the officer-involved shooting earlier this week."

"I did. It's in every paper. On every channel."

"Carisi, he's one of mine, and he's also Brooke's husband…I don't think we've spoken since they got married."

"No," Lindstrom was very familiar with Brooke and Sarah anecdotes, but he estimated it had been nearly a year since he'd seen Olivia.

"Well…he's family. Twice. A squad member and a family member. And I'm worried about him—he was cleared quickly, came back to work and dove right in…too easily," Olivia talked with her hands and rambled, "I want to talk to him, counsel him, taking someone's life…even when it was justified, even when it was doing a public service…it rocks you to the core, in a way it's devastating, and I don't want him to bury those feelings."

"Because you've buried them."

"Right," Olivia replied in a whisper. "So I don't know if I'm projecting my own experience onto him or if I'm trying to use this as an opportunity for the older, wiser Lieutenant Benson to talk to the younger Detective Benson…"

"Olivia, part of being a leader is cultivating your own experiences and the lessons you learned into wisdom and advice for the people in your charge. You had people in the department who you looked up to, who you listened to. Did they always wait for you to come to them before giving advice?"

"No."

"That's because we don't always know how or when to ask for help. It's human nature to want to solve things ourselves. As you know." Lindstrom emphasized with a glint in his eye, "And your former Captain and others who helped you along the way, unsolicited, did so because they recognized a need you couldn't see. And now you're in their position."

They sat in silence for a few minutes while Olivia absorbed his words.

"And the other part of this," she continued, "Is there's such a contrast in my life, in the spheres of my life. This morning- Maggie and Wyatt pulled themselves up on the coffee table—and my sweet Noah is right there, coaching them, trying to get them to walk, and Ed and I were watching all of this from the kitchen, drinking coffee, everything so sweet and perfect and normal. And my job is so glaringly opposite."

"And that makes you feel guilty?"

"At times like this, when someone close is having a hard time, yes."

"Which is why you should have the talk you want to have with Carisi. Most of that guilt is rooted in what you haven't said. It isn't because you're happy and he's not. And you cannot feel guilty that it was him rather than you who fired the shot." Lindstrom's eyes drilled into her as they did whenever he was going for maximum emphasis. "Carisi won't resent you for saying what you have to say, but you will resent yourself if you keep quiet."

…..

With the twins entranced by animated music videos, Ed hurried Olivia out of her work clothes, and led her to the kitchen where he poured a glass of wine but kissed her before she could take a sip. They made out like teenagers in the midst of unconventional but oddly romantic background noise- the bloopity-bloop from the speakers and the twins' corresponding shrieks and babbles as they tried to sing along.

Olivia smiled as Ed backed her into the corner created by the refrigerator and the island countertop; he loved the space because to someone sitting on the sofa and facing the television, they remained unseen, convenient for when the prying eyes of Sarah, Brooke, Caroline, or Sonny were around. Actually, the prying eyes were Sarah's and Caroline's; poor Brooke and Sonny always unintentionally witnessed the PDA.

Ed lowered his head to Olivia's neck and sucked gently, not enough to leave a mark but definitely enough for her to moan softly in response.

"Number 5 and 11 tonight," he rasped, making his way from her neck to her ear, and finally along her jawline.

Olivia was already too worked up for the circumstances and mention of the pilfered Cosmopolitan article did not help.

Nearby, Olivia's phone vibrated.

"That's probably Brooke," Olivia whispered, "Back with Noah."

"At least a minute til they get up here."

Ed's lips were on hers again and remained there, kissing her powerfully, until they heard two quick knocks on the door and a faint, "Mommy?"

Maggie and Wyatt zoomed down the corridor, their keen ears picking up on the sound of their brother's voice and peeling them away from the music. Maggie had pulled herself up to a standing position against the wall and Wyatt was sitting among the shoes when Ed went to open the door.

"Sorry," Brooke said immediately, "Sonny left with my keys this morning."

"No problem," Ed gave Brooke a kiss on the side of her head and stepped aside. "C'mon inside."

Brooke hung her bag and jacket on the coat rack and grabbed Wyatt. Noah was already divested of his backpack and outerwear, and was holding Maggie's arms as she took tentative steps back to the living room.

Olivia had scurried to freshen up and emerged as everyone was convening around the island. She eyed the spot where, minutes earlier, she'd been pinned. Ed caught her, smirked, and Olivia felt her cheeks flush all over again.

Kids. Focus on the kids.

"Thanks for taking him today, Brooke," Olivia said.

"You're welcome. We need to get back on track with our Thursday dates. It seems like every time we have something going on after school, the PTA or whoever picks a Thursday."

"Probably the best day, huh?" Ed speculated. "If ya have to stay late you only have Friday to deal with?"

"I think that's the idea. Still. I miss my pizza buddy." Brooke whipped out her phone and showed everyone a selfie. "We're a little late…because we went to Grimaldi's and then walked the bridge back."

Noah jumped and pointed to the picture. "See that? We were up HIGH on da bridge! Could see ALL of Ma'hattan!"

Ed sat Noah on the countertop. "Know what we should do, bud? We should go there early someday when it's not too crowded, get off to the side a little and let ya draw Manhattan."

Olivia stroked Noah's head. "Is it ever empty enough for that?"

"He's a little kid," Brooke pointed out, "Nobody's going to get mad at a little kid with an easel drawing the skyline."

"True."

Brooke turned around, her back to the kitchen, and watched the twins play. "They're getting so big. Who do you think is going to walk first?"

"I thought Maggie for a while," Olivia replied, "She started pulling herself up first. But it's almost like she's waiting for Wyatt to catch up with her."

"I try to get those babies to walk," Noah reported loudly and very seriously, "But they just keep hangin' onto stuff!"

"Sweet boy," Olivia kissed his head, "You've been trying so hard to get them to walk haven't you?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Such a good brother," Brooke said softly.

Ed inspected Noah's cast. He did this daily and Olivia didn't have the heart to ask what he was actually looking for. "Bud, do you have homework?"

"In the folder," Noah answered. "Math."

Olivia offered Brooke a drink, but she wanted to get home.

"You know what?" Olivia said, "Mind if I walk you to the subway?" She turned to Ed, "I'll get something for us to eat while I'm out, okay?"

"Sounds like a plan," he kissed her cheek. "I'm starving."

There was something about the way he droned "I'm starving" in her ear—it was as if the reverberations of his thick, raspy, sexy voice travelled directly to her most erogenous zones and tweaked them mercilessly—and she followed Brooke out of the apartment weak-kneed and already anxious to return.

…..

Rollins accepted the third round of drinks with a routine thank-you, yet her current situation was far from routine. Not long ago, Carisi was her go-to guy for evening hangouts. They binge-watched reality shows, gossiped about Fin and Olivia and Dodds, both the Chief and the son, and munched on junk food. Carisi cooked dinner and doted on Jesse. They were like a little family. Only, there was no romantic spark. Occasionally Rollins wished otherwise because Carisi's company was so easy and fun, but in reality he fit the role of brother more so than lover.

Nevertheless, when Brooke came along, Rollins went through a brief period of resentment. It wasn't easy to see Carisi gradually remove himself from her life even though as his presence dissipated, her home unexpectedly filled up again. Kim returned. Beth Anne frequently visited. And Declan was back and trying to figure out where his career was headed.

Being promoted to Sergeant altered their working relationship as well. Neither admitted it, but her elevated rank changed their dynamic. No longer were they unwavering allies. They stopped privately grousing about decisions from the top. Rollins gravitated more towards the Lieutenant. If Carisi noticed, he didn't say anything, but he hardly had cause to be jealous when he was married to Tucker's daughter.

Rollins couldn't remember the last time they went for drinks, just the two of them, so when Carisi suggested it she eagerly agreed. When Carisi finished his first beer within minutes, it became obvious this was more than two friends catching up. Rollins shamefully realized it had been less than a week since Carisi killed a man. True to her nature, after the case was closed, she assumed all was well, put her head down, and went back to the grind without questioning whether or not he was truly ready to get back to work.

"Won't Brooke wonder where you are?"

"Nah, it's early, and she's with Noah today."

"Want to let her know where we are so she can meet us?"

Sullen, Sonny stared into his freshly poured IPA, "Like I said, she's with Noah."

"Everything okay between the two of you?"

"Yeah, yeah, everything's great. We have our delayed honeymoon coming up in two weeks."

"Florida, right?"

"Right."

"That'll be good. To get away. From this for a while."

"Yeah."

The disappearance of the normally effusive Sonny Carisi, Jr. annoyed Rollins, and she was finished stalling. "So why are we really here?"

Sonny frowned. "We're having a drink. Or," he took a swig and slammed his glass down hard, sloshing some beer onto the coaster, "Drinks."

"I know that. But…are you…are you okay with," she lowered her voice, "being back at full duty after taking that guy out?"

"IAB and the shrink say I am. So I am."

"Carisi…I've been through this. And I know it's not that easy."

"I just wonder…" Carisi blankly stared ahead, took another gulp, and continued, "If this is a sign." He was starting to slur his words and mumble, so Rollins had to lean in to hear. "If this is a sign telling me I need to leave and go be a DA."

Rollins patted his back. "I don't think now is the best time to make that decision for real."

Sonny twisted his face, "How can it be right…to shoot a guy dead…I mean, yeah, he was a horrible human being—"

"Who was about to start spraying bullets at dozens of your fellow officers including me."

"—yeah…"

"And," Rollins winced but went ahead with her next point anyway, "Liv and Fin both killed men to save your life."

You had no moral dilemma when the shoe was on the other foot.

"And you killed your sister's boyfriend."

"Who was about to shoot me."

Carisi kept drinking.

"Sonny, we have a violent job. A necessary job. A job where we can make a difference. But sometimes we have to resort to pulling the trigger. That's our training. That's what we agreed to when we took the oath. But nobody prepares you for the aftermath…that's why…it's so important, to talk about it, get your feelings out in the open so you can sort through them—"

"You sound like Liv."

"I'll consider that a compliment." The bartender and Rollins locked eyes. She shook her head and motioned for the check. "Carisi, go home. See your wife. Talk to her. Don't you think she deserves to know what you're going through?"

"She wouldn't…couldn't…understand."

"Do you think the department shrink really understands? Does anyone other than us? Does that mean we keep things from people who love us because they haven't put a bullet in someone's head?"

He shrugged. "I guess I don't wanna burden her with it."

Rollins smiled and nudged him. He looked at her with cloudy eyes.

"I think that whole 'I do' thing means that you get to do that."

Carisi contemplated this while finishing his drink. Despite Rollins having already paid, he ordered one more and it didn't take much arm-twisting for her to stay.

"We've just been through so much," Carisi moaned.

"What do you mean?"

He took a deep breath. "Nobody knows this but us, but, before we got married…"

….

Olivia heard Noah's instructions and tiptoed down the corridor to spy on her husband and children.

"Ok Daddy. You hold the cookie for Maggie. I have Wyatt's. Now. You go over there. No. Over there. Okay."

Pause. Footsteps.

"Maggs, Wyatt, hang on here. Stand up, baby! Okay. There ya go. Stay there. No, Maggs."

More scrambling footsteps.

"Daddy, show the cookie NOW! See babies? Want the cookie? C'mon, walk to us!"

Olivia rounded the corner just in time to see both Maggie and Wyatt drop into their crawling positions and make beelines toward Ed and Noah. Ed laughed. Noah groaned.

"No crawling!" Noah scolded but gave Maggie a piece of the cookie anyway. She munched away and grabbed for the rest of it. When Noah ran she chased after him. Crumbs fell from her mouth and left a path on the hardwood floor. Wyatt, meanwhile, was eating his treat placidly in his Daddy's lap.

"I leave for twenty minutes and the cookies come out." Smiling, Olivia put the take-out bag on the counter.

"It was more than twenty," Ed countered, pretending to pout.

"But I brought food. You're starving, remember?"

"I am."

There was that voice again. Olivia avoided looking at him knowing his bright blue eyes were blazing with flirtatious energy. She darted into Noah's room where he and Maggie were now sitting in the middle of a pile of Duplos. Noah knew not to use the smaller Legos with the twins.

"Whatcha doin?"

"I'm makin' Maggie a HOUSE!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep." Noah concentrated on hastily snapping a wall together.

"Okay, well, tell us when you're finished."

"Kay."

Olivia went back to Ed and Wyatt, still smiling, and Noah could be heard imploring Maggie to sit still. In the kitchen Ed had already set out plates and silverware at the table. Olivia poured wine and brought the food over. Minutes later, Maggie came crawling into the room with Noah on her heels.

"Maggs! If ya run away you don't get your house!"

Maggie didn't seem to care.

Nonplussed, Noah took his usual seat at the table and eyed his parents' dinner.

"Want some, bud?"

"Uh-huh!"

Ed shoveled a piece of his meal onto an extra plate and slid it in front of Noah. "Thanks for helping me eat this, No. I don't wanna get too full." The last sentence was clearly intended for Olivia.

Ed smirked as she threw her head back and burst into laughter.

"I love making you laugh like you did earlier," Ed whispered as he removed her bra with a flourish. "But I also love…" he dipped his head into her chest… "that sound you just made…" he reached lower and she gasped when his fingers made contact between her legs… "and that sound…"

Olivia managed only a few words in response.

"You've been foreplaying this all day."

Ed repeated the invented term, "Fore-play-ing….I guess I have."

Olivia's morning hadn't been entirely consumed with Carisi-related crisis. Ed's texts started shortly after she arrived at work and continued throughout the day. The first ones were innocent:

I love you.

I'm thinking about you.

Going to an early lunch but wish it was with you.

But he didn't stay chaste for long.

Continuing the list tonight, right?

I think #s 5 and 11 but I'm flexible.

Flexible…

Olivia did her best to keep up with him, but he obviously had too much time on his hands. When he reported he was getting the twins from day care early, she smiled with relief that he finally had something else to do. She didn't mind his remote flirting, but his texts combined with the vision of him smirking at his phone as he typed them were almost unbearable.

"So," he looked up from her stomach, "We agreed on…"

"Five and eleven." Olivia desperately blurted out the numbers. The day-long teasing was now bordering on torture.

Ed's biceps bulged as he effortlessly lifted Olivia.

"Straighten your legs," he commanded.

"Really?"

"It said it's supposed to—"

"Oh Goddddddddd."

"Yep," Ed grunted, "That's what it's supposed to do."

Ed talked them through five and eleven almost like he was narrating a tutorial. He laid off the chatter for a while, but Olivia insisted he continue. She loved the newness of it all, the reinvigoration, the mutual experimentation, even when they both fell into a quick fit of laughter when number five proved to be challenging.

"I don't know if we go that way," Olivia said.

"I stretched."

Olivia laughed even more.

"Lieutenant, I'm serious."

She collected herself as much as possible and relayed an unconvincing, "I am too."

It took a couple of resets, but number five eventually ensued…and ended with the two of them splayed on the mattress, a few inches apart, her head at his feet, staring at the ceiling, and wondering what other carnal pleasures they'd been missing their entire lives.

"You wouldn't think," Ed gulped in air, "There were any other ways to…"

"Come?" Olivia finished his sentence naughtily, a little turned on, again, that after all they'd just done he was shy about saying 'come.'

"Yeah." His chest heaved up and down.

She ran a hand up and down his thigh. "That article is the best piece of evidence you've ever uncovered, Captain."

Ed lifted his head and looked down at her smugly. "Why are you so far away from me?"

"Miss me already?" She teased.

"No matter what we do," he said as she settled her head against his chest, "I like you right here after."

Before she closed her eyes, Olivia took in the sight of his toned chest and slung her arm around his waist, holding him tightly. She felt Ed's fingers on her back, making little circular patterns. Ed turned off his lamp, leaving the room dark save for the city lights visible from the window they always forgot to cover at night. Not that it mattered—they had an unobstructed view of the city below.

He tenderly pulled the duvet over their bodies and playfully tugged it up and tucked it under her chin.

She kissed at his fingers, hoping he would forgive the delayed reply.

"I like me here, too."

#Tuckson.