Along with the change in Shawn and Gus' relationship came a new variety of firsts, each more awkward and uncomfortable than the last. There was the first time Mr. Guster almost walked in on them. To their credit, they hadn't gone further than harmless kissing.

Shawn had been teasing Gus all day because earlier that morning he'd found out Kate Oliver had been trying to find the right time to ask Gus out to a movie. At first he was pissed at himself for not seeing her infatuation with Gus sooner. It was obvious in the way she constantly touched his arm, laughed out loud at all of his lame science jokes or produced spontaneous tears whenever anything less than desirable happened to Gus. Also, the sneer she had specially reserved for Shawn's appearance burned hot enough to give the sun a run for its money.

Shawn playfully pushed Gus through his bedroom door, laughing, "I mean seriously Gus, if you're going to leave me for someone else, at least make sure she's not selectively deaf. There is no possible way she's never heard about Michael Clary."

Which was quite true? After Gus dragged Shawn home that night, Diane had obviously phoned everyone in her address book to recap. When they'd come to school the following Monday, all eyes were on them, including a few of the teachers'. The increased attention, the tactless grins and judgmental glares made Gus freeze on the spot, blocking the entrance and struggling to breathe. Panicked didn't cover half of the terror running through his blood as his mind kept reeling through the many ways this wouldn't end well. His teachers would stop praising him, his other friends would stop hanging out with him and then his parents would find out and he didn't know what they would do. He bit the inside of his cheek, textbooks in hand trembling as he was stuck in one spot, unable to move.

Seeing this, Shawn decided to ham it up, yanking Gus' hand from his side and shoving his way through the crowd. Once they were a safe distance away, Shawn let go of Gus' hand and conveniently studied the various flyers on the cork announcement board while Gus caught his breath. He never mentioned it again but he began insisting they start using side entrances.

Now, Gus was caught between flattered and sympathetic because Shawn would never let this go and he couldn't guarantee he wouldn't tease Kate to her face. Despite his better judgment, Gus let himself be led over to his bed and lied down, welcoming Shawn's weight on top of him. He knew he should at least try to get Shawn to go easy on Kate but he'd waited all day long to get Shawn's mouth under his so when he finally did, Kate was pushed far away from his mind. Besides, he reasoned, if Shawn's mouth was otherwise occupied, he couldn't talk.

Arms reached up to pull Shawn's hips to his and he swallowed the edge of Shawn's laugh. Shawn had never gotten over how soft yet aggressive Gus' lips were and he showed his appreciation with his hands. Clawing at his Gus' jacket, he pressed himself as deeply into Gus as he could and he'd been contemplating the consequences of abandoning their agreement to slow things down when the sound of approaching steps caught his ears.

At first, Shawn considered not alerting Gus. The Gusters were bound to find out sometime and he had a lurking suspicion that Gus had already told Joy; she wasn't known for keeping her mouth shut. He'd been thinking about not stopping and letting them get caught like this, together when Gus pressed the softest, barest kiss to the space behind his ear. It pulled at his heart like only Gus could and he gently pushed Gus away because it wouldn't be fair and he knew it. It was always like this, every time he was inches away from doing something selfish enough to hurt Gus, the selfless bastard would do something or say something that made it impossible to follow through. Shawn hadn't been able to skip school, pick fights with Henry or pull pranks for the hell of it because a tiny, Gus-like voice in the back of his head told him it was wrong. And honestly, Shawn would be annoyed with Gus for ruining his fun if the jerk knew he was doing it.

"Gus, in about forty-five seconds, your Dad's gonna walk through that door." He said finally with a roll of his eyes. They hurried to a sitting position, clothes rumpled and expressions obviously frazzled. Didn't matter anyway because Mr. Guster only stopped outside of Gus' door long enough to call out a greeting. He hadn't even noticed Shawn was there. He scoffed at the thought that he could've been actively blowing Gus and Mr. G wouldn't have suspected a thing.

The first time they almost got caught was also the first time Shawn realized he was willing to stop being a selfish prick forever if Gus was around to make sure he did.


The first time Gus admitted to loving Shawn, it was to the oddest person of all. Shawn had pressured Gus into coming home with him because Henry wouldn't be home that night. The request came out more awkward and forced than ever before because alone had different connotations now. Realizing this, Shawn tried to make light of it.

"Come on, Gus. It's not like I can get you pregnant." He gave a twinge of a smile that was almost enough to pull a real one from Gus. He followed Shawn home anyway, remembering the last time he'd spent the night at Shawn's house two weeks ago. They'd watched a cheesy horror movie, Shawn had done his horrid Marshmallow Man impression and after he'd fallen asleep on the carpet, Gus cleaned up their mess and covered him with a nearby blanket.

Dismissing his nerves, Gus laughed along with whatever Shawn was babbling about.

They spent the afternoon talking about who would defeat who in a fight between Superman and Spiderman and whether or not Aquaman was even relevant to the argument, in between bouts of kissing. It was strange how normal it felt and when Gus mentioned it out loud during Shawn's Batman rant, he'd barely hesitated to say, "Gus, it's us. Of course it's normal," before continuing like he'd never stopped.

Eventually, the sugar from Shawn's dinner of Coke and Razzles, wore off and the debater fell asleep in the mess of his comforter and pillows. Gus bit back the urge to either kiss him or draw a Chuck Norris mustache on his face, or both. In the end, he settled on returning the few dishes they'd used to the kitchen.

"Wow, you clean? Are you sure you're friends with Shawn?" Gus halted, and spun around almost immediately causing him to spill the rest of his soda on the linoleum floor.

Hurrying to apologies, Gus dropped to his knees with a washcloth and started cleaning the mess. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Spencer. I didn't know you'd be home." He stuttered out, watching as Shawn's dad started to help him.

"It's alright, Guster. It's just soda." When the mess was gone, Gus set the towel on the counter and the dishes in the sink. He supposed he'd inherited his stringent cleaning habits from his mother who had a tendency to clean when she was nervous. He started to run dish water, avoiding eye contact because he'd heard from Shawn that Henry's investigative skills were not to be messed with. He was afraid that Henry would be able to tell what they'd been doing for the past few weeks just by looking at him or watching the way his left eye twitched a centimeter or some other trick the detectives in the movies used.

"I didn't know I'd be home either. Not that me and my knuckle-head son speak much anyway." Henry admitted, leaning back in a table chair. His fingers tapped the edge of a chipped "World's Greatest Dad" mug as he observed Gus' frenetic movements. "How have you been? Have you applied to any colleges yet?"

Gus nodded, having almost forgotten about the colleges he applied to two months back. It felt like a lifetime ago, like a story from a time in a parallel universe where Shawn had never existed. "Uh, yeah. A few. I actually applied to Stanford first but I don't know if I'm… if my marks are good enough to get in." Especially since he'd only started staying awake in class long enough to bring his average back to some semblance of normalcy.

Henry nodded, impressed. "I'm sure they are. Your parents speak very highly of you anytime I run into your father around the department." He paused, glancing briefly at the doorway to the hall and then back at Gus. Almost uncomfortable, "Do you know if Shawn applied anywhere? What he wants to do?"

Shawn mentioned several times that when he was younger, Henry had made it clear he wanted Shawn to follow in his footsteps, be a detective like him. Having watched Shawn get them out of trouble multiple times with a well placed observation, Gus didn't doubt Shawn had the skills for it. However, Shawn had made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with Henry and that included his profession. Gus couldn't remember him explicitly explaining what he wanted to do with his life. Like he said, he was "letting it play out on its own".

"You know, I actually don't have a clue. It never came up when we— when we're together." Gus stuttered before Henry interrupted, good-natured smirk on his face.

"I don't imagine it would." The plate in Gus' hand slipped out of his soapy grasp, sending suds in the air and across his shirt. Deciding to test the waters, Gus turned around to face the detective. Henry eyed Gus inquisitively leaving no doubt that he knew exactly what Shawn and he had been doing as of late. He appeared unsurprised about it. "I was young once, too, Guster."

Gus finally stopped cleaning and met Henry's gaze, silently cursing Shawn's ability to sleep during some of the most stressful events of his life. "How'd you know?"

"It's not as obvious as you think." He gestured to the badge gleaming on his uniform. "I'm trained to recognize these things. For one, you wouldn't look me in the eye and you almost broke that plate, very smooth." Gus suddenly saw the resemblance between the two Spencers. "Well that and when I came home you two weren't the least bit discreet about what you were doing up there. Thin walls."

Gus swallowed thickly, mortified. He scratched at the back of his head before returning to the dishes. Henry didn't sound mad but Gus wasn't good at detecting emotions through tones the way Shawn was. He settled on an apology, at least for the incriminating sounds they'd made. "We're sorry."

Henry chuckled and took a sip from his mug. "Well maybe you are. Shawn's not." Gus nodded, smiling.

"You're probably right." He agreed.

"Any idiot can see how much you care about him." Henry stated, studying Gus for confirmation and he must've found it because he nodded and they sat in content quiet for a moment before Henry surprised him.

"I hope this works out. I really do." He stood from the table and brought his mug over to the sink. "He doesn't come home angry like he used to. Hell, he actually comes home now. The other day, we actually held a conversation without yelling at each other and I think a lot of that has to do with you."

Gus gaped, unsure of the proper response. His mother had drilled manners into him but nothing she'd taught him covered what to say when your sort-of boyfriend's father complimented you on your good influence. Henry coughed awkwardly before petting Gus on the shoulder and starting to leave the room. The unspoken 'thank you' rang louder than ever in Gus' ears.

The first time Gus admitted how he felt about Shawn was also the first time their relationship had been truly discovered by anyone.


The first time Shawn lied to Gus to protect their relationship occurred soon after the first time Gus had ever talked back to a teacher. It was on Shawn's behalf, of course, because everything Gus had ever done that could be viewed as remotely cool happened because of Shawn.

And yeah, Shawn could admit that he wasn't the best student in the universe. Quite the opposite to some of the unfortunate teachers that crossed his path and left his parents with a trail of stellar exam scores and the worst behavior reports. It was an unwritten rule than any teacher blessed enough to have Shawn Spencer in their classroom required a year supply of aspirin and maybe a prescription for Xanax.

Still, it wasn't fair for Mr. Kingston to fail him for the semester without giving him a chance to make up for the days he'd missed. Granted, he hadn't spent those days, seventeen to be exact, out doing community service as Mr. K so kindly pointed out.

"To be fair, I was providing a type service to a member of the community." Shawn noted, avoiding the accusatory look in Gus' eyes. They'd only begun sitting next to each other in class again, to the jealousy of Kate Oliver and Kara Green. Sure, at first Gus had been annoyed at the way Shawn mocked him when he raised his hand to answer questions but it was the only period they had together. Plus, the only time Gus had casually decided to sit next to Kate instead Shawn had talked his way into Gus' Physics class and made dirty comments every time Ms. Novak said 'penetrate' or 'hardened'.

Mr. Kingston shook his head and Gus watched him go through a familiar debate in his mind; whether or not the argument with Shawn was really worth it. Deciding it was, he stalked over to where Shawn reclined in his wooden desk. "I'm teaching you a valuable lesson, Mr. Spencer. You can't take shortcuts in life. You can't just decide to show up when you want and expect to earn what others work so hard for."

Shawn opened his mouth, prepared to say something snarky and make Mr. Kingston follow through on his threat. Gus quickly covered Shawn's mouth, cutting off his retort. "Mr. Kingston, maybe we can work something out? Shawn's sorry." Gus said, though the glare on the fuming teenager clearly belied his words. "I'm sure we can settle this with extra tutorials or—"

Through Gus' hand, "'uck 'at." And Gus made the honest mistake of removing his hand.

"What?"

"I said 'fuck that' and honestly Gus, what have I told you about washing your hands with that anti-bacterial soap. It tastes horrible." He spat and started wiping his mouth under the intense scrutiny of Mr. Kingston's glower.

Sighing and resigning himself to the punishment indefinite to Shawn's record and by extension his own, Gus tried to keep from screaming. He could feel the keening sympathy bleeding from Kate and Kara, the amusement from the rest of the kids in the class and wondered which angered him more. It was only as Mr. Kingston took a deep breath, gearing up for the rant that Gus realized who he was really angry with.

Shawn had never taken the initiative to work hard. At anything as far back as Gus could remember. When he was younger, he'd been jealous of the fact that Shawn could get everything he'd wanted without having to try. It wasn't just the Gustasaurus but everything they'd ever done together. Playing ball, it was Gus' kick that sent it over the fence. Sneaking out to set off fireworks in their favorite abandoned field, it was Gus that got caught and Shawn that went free when they'd been sighted by a nearby officer past curfew. State wide assessments, Gus paid intense attention to everything his teachers taught, everything they gave out to help them prepare. Shawn finished the test in one of the four allotted hours and had time to sleep through the rest. Months later Shawn managed to achieve a score high enough to rival Gus' and was well rested enough to gloat.

Shawn never worked hard for anything because he'd never had to. It used to make Gus angry but now, it was the basis for his argument. It wasn't fair for Shawn to succeed at everything so easily but it wasn't fair to hold a grudge against him for it. Plus, Mr. Kingston was someone Gus could be pissed at, mostly because the gods had never put much stock in what he had to say.

"Sir, you're failing him because he hasn't been here as many days as everyone else." Gus started, swallowing and nervously straightening his collar as he gained the attention of everyone in the room. "The only reason the school year is scheduled for the state required number of days is to give us enough time to learn the required material. As you can see for yourself, Shawn did that. He has the test scores to prove it—"

"And some pretty wicked drawings of the Thundercats." Shawn cut in. Gus quieted him with a quick glance and for once Shawn was content to obey. Not because he was truly worried about his grades, he didn't plan on going to college anyway, not for a few years anyway. He was content to sit quietly and let Gus work because in the seven years he'd known Burton Guster, never once had he argued against a teacher. Not even that fateful day when he'd been given a loser like Shawn as a partner for their joint project.

"He passed every test, turned in every essay and even finished the joint semester project without a partner. When you really think about it, you're failing him for finishing all of your assignments with less instruction than the rest of us." Gus intentionally avoided the heat he felt in Kate's accusatory stare. "I think if you overlook the usual requirement, just once, it'll serve as a testament to your excellent teaching methods, sir."

Mr. Kingston barely bit out a stern, "What?"

"That a student passed your class with such a high average and a lowered attendance rate. It shows that your methods work well enough your students don't require the ordinary time allotment as those with average teachers." Gus finished and Shawn had to admit, he was a little convinced. He was mostly proud and dreading the two hours before he'd be allowed to show it.

Nodding slightly, Mr. Kingston's glare lessened into an expression of contemplation. After a moment of tense calm, he finally responded. "I see what you mean, Mr. Guster. I suppose it would be a shame to fail Mr. Spencer for the year and defeat his chance to graduate." The glare returned for a moment as the bell rang. No one moved, waiting for the conclusion. "You will be serving at least four tutorial sessions to make up for some of the days you missed, won't you, Mr. Spencer?" It didn't sound at all like a suggestion.

Shawn nodded insistently. "Yes! Yes of course! I'll even bring Gus with me. Shall we have a picnic? I'll bring the pineapple." Rolling his eyes, Mr. Kinsgston dismissed his students.

The class appeared to spring into action like wind-up monkeys as everyone started to leave the classroom. Shawn pulled Gus by his hand out of the room, noting that Kate Oliver wasn't far behind them. Brilliant, he could use this opportunity to get rid of her.

Barely waiting until they were out of sight in a dark corridor, Shawn pressed Gus into a brick wall and took his lower lip between his teeth. Sliding his tongue into Gus' mouth, he allowed himself to enjoy the kiss for a moment before monitoring the hallway. Littering Gus' face and neck with kisses, Shawn listened as Gus tried to speak. "I don't think we should do this now."

Ignoring him, Shawn cut off his words with his tongue. He kissed away Gus objections and had begun contemplating whether or not Gus would skip the rest of the day with him when a gasp met his ears. Shawn processed that it was too high to be a man and too hurt to be a stranger. Yahtzee, he celebrated mentally. Slowly separating, Shawn first noted the regretful wince on Gus' face before spinning around to the newcomer.

Kate Oliver stood, books held loosely in her grasp as she stared on, shocked. A sarcastic voice in Shawn's head wanted to ask if she wanted a turn but he knew Gus would never forgive him if he did. Still, she had to come to terms with it sooner or later. It had gotten infuriating every time Shawn found her fawning over everything Gus said, touching his arm, suggesting they go out to movies or exhibits. Anytime Shawn had made the smallest effort to be more than friendly towards Gus, either she blatantly ignored it or Gus shrugged him off.

If Gus was reluctant to share their relationship with the world and Kara refused to inform the blind girl about them, she had to find out on her own, with a little help from Shawn of course. Now, he watched as she shook her head with disbelief and, to Gus' horror, started to cry.

"I've been so stupid." She sobbed as Kara came onto the scene. Taking one measured look from where Shawn and Gus were melted together at the waist and Kate stood heartbroken; she sighed and pulled the teenage girl into her arms. She made a jerky motion for them to leave that Shawn was grateful for. He hadn't planned how to handle this part.

They rounded the corner as Gus deflated from his previous high and Shawn couldn't help but be a little annoyed at how quickly Gus gave way to guilt. It was a bit ridiculous to be honest. "I didn't know she was there, did you?"

Shawn bit his lip and shook his head. It wasn't a lie by his standards; how was he supposed to know how fast she'd followed them? In his opinion, she might seriously consider going out for the track team. In fact, if she joined, Shawn reasoned, she'd have something to do and stop hanging on my boyfriend so much. Once again, the Gus-like voice in the back of his head admonished him for the sentiment.

Gus continued, unknowingly reaching for Shawn's hand. "We were becoming good friends. I hope this doesn't ruin it." He remarked, squeezing Shawn's hand tighter and Shawn actually started to feel the guilt. Damn it, Gus.

The first time Gus stood up to a teacher was also the first time Shawn lied to Gus to protect their relationship from the horrible part of Shawn that would stop at nothing to keep Gus by his side.


The first fight after 'it' started was more volatile than any other fight they'd ever had. Gus couldn't even be sure why it began. They were walking home from school, Gus' face buried in a college brochure for Stanford. Their counselors had been handing out college information all week which had been enough to put Shawn on edge. Though he'd never explicitly asked Shawn what he was planning on doing after high school, he knew college wasn't at the top of his list.

That day, he'd taken one look at the pamphlet in Gus' hand before snarling, "Wow, Stanford. Interesting choice." He snatched it out of Gus' lax hands. "Making plans already, I see."

Frowning, Gus asked, "What are you talking about?"

Reading at the top of his lungs and catching the attention of everyone on the street. "'Stanford offers one of the highest levels of—"

"Quit it!" He tried to grab it from Shawn's hands and almost lost his balance as Shawn shoved him away.

"'We offer a variety of courses for—" Shawn belted out as he danced away from Gus' swinging arms.

"What are you doing?" Gus pleaded, "People are staring—"

Shawn scoffed and tossed the brochure on the sidewalk. "So what? I'm sure you won't even remember this next year when you're…" he stopped suddenly realizing what he'd been about to say.

"When I'm what?" Shawn lowered his gaze guiltily, walking ahead of Gus. "When I'm what, Shawn?" He hurried forward and grabbed Shawn's forearm to keep him from getting away. He hated how everything between them always had to be a cat and mouse game. That or Shawn was constantly pushing him away when he got too close.

Soft hands held Shawn up by his chin as Gus made it apparent he wouldn't let go without an explanation. "When you're moving on without me." Shawn finally admitted, dropping to sit in the wagon some neighbor kid had left in the driveway.

"Stanford, Gus. That's more than a bike ride away." Gus sat down carefully in the wagon next to him.

"Yeah. I know." Gus smiled self-consciously. "I applied and I haven't gotten anything back yet. I don't even know if I'm smart enough to get in."

Shawn disagreed and took Gus' hand. He spoke as he started to make odd shapes with Gus' fingers. "You are. You know you are." He laughed suddenly, startling Gus. "You'll get in and I'll stay here with Henry and your parents. Maybe I'll never leave."

When Gus broke eye contact, he continued, "When you get in, I'll be happy for you. Really." He tried for a smile but it came out more like a grimace and Gus eyed him cynically. "Well not really. Anyway, maybe I'll travel the world. Go to Brazil, Spain, China… anywhere. Run as far as I can."

"Run where?" Gus asked, giving a polite nod to the elderly neighbors regarding them oddly. And maybe it was a little out of the ordinary for two teenage boys to hold hands in a wagon. Scratch that, it was very out of the ordinary.

"Nowhere… everywhere; it doesn't matter. I just wanna be the first to leave for once in my life." He admitted, letting go of Gus' hand. He stood awkwardly to his feet, stumbling a little as the wagon started to roll down the driveway. He helped Gus out as they started towards the Guster home.

Gus picked up the Stanford brochure and handed it to Shawn and he took it reluctantly. "You could do something about it. You could grow up and try to get into college. You're definitely smart enough." It was an empty suggestion. Gus knew Shawn as well as anyone could and he knew it had never been in the cards for Shawn to go to college, he'd never wanted to. The only people that didn't know that were Shawn's parents and his own.

Instead of confirming Gus' suspicions, Shawn nodded and started turning the pamphlet into an airplane. They took turns throwing it down the street as they walked to the Gusters' house. Each time it flew a little bit further away, they drifted apart going after it.

The first fight after 'it' started was the second time Shawn realized Gus had every intention of leaving him when the time came. It was also the first time he realized he could be the one to leave first and never look back.


The acceptance came in a large, ordinary white envelope and honestly Gus felt it should've appeared more destructive as it actively ruined everything he'd gained and confirmed Shawn's suspicions. He couldn't even share the joy of knowing that he was good enough, he was smart enough, dedicated enough to get in. The second the prideful smile appeared, Shawn came bursting through the door, going on about something hilarious he'd seen on an animal show with an alpaca or a llama, he wasn't sure which. Gus threw the envelope in his desk drawer, shuffled some papers and spun around with a curious look on his face. At first Shawn seemed a bit suspicious before dismissing it for an excited laugh and holding out his hand.

Gus grinned, an air of sadness in it before taking Shawn's hand and walking out the door, away from his dream. "Llamas? I hear that."

The hundredth time Gus took Shawn's hand was the first time he realized his future came with a price he wasn't sure he could pay.