If it is here then of corse I don't own anything
#7: A little Big a Little Small
When I wake up I feel really relaxed but I just know it's because I like the way Edwards arm is around me. I can feel that I am rested enough to go home. In which I will have to endure the pain of Charlie because I haven't been home for at least a day and he'll probably think that I ran away but oh no I came back so now I have to bottle up my feelings and become as hard as stone as the rest of the people around me right now. Which reminds me I have to let the family know that I know about their little secrete or maybe they already do so don't have to tell them yeah that would be good but that wouldn't sound like my life so what's the point. I wonder if I can get Edward to come over and seduce him into killing me because I really would like heaven with my mom right now. Hmmm mom I really miss you and so dose dad he cries your name if I say it after he's finished beating me he loved you so much but I hate him so. If you saw him now you would cry and I know this. You always had the water work eyes but so do I. I wish that you didn't have to die then I would be happy. But if you hadn't then I wouldn't want to join you in your life, wait your in heaven but I don't think I'll be going there for the sins I have committed. Now I never was one for religion but I know that if I were to try to go to heaven then I wouldn't be allowed in. Just to see you face god I wish I could die. Well me better get up because now I've cried all over the bed and am so wrapped up in my thoughts that I don't even notice Edward leaning over...
"EDWARD!" that was startling. He jumped back and is now on the other side of the room with the funniest face I've seen. Great now I'm laughing. He probably thinks I have crazy bi-polar mood swings or something.
"What was that for, are you okay?" he asked from across the room.
"Oh didn't mean to startle you-" laughs, "I was just thinking and then realized that you were
Steering over me and wondering why I was crying. "Breath is now on my lungs.
"Oh, good I thought I hurt you or something" he comes back over and sits on the bed.
Just then Alice walks in and stands at the end of the bed.
"Umm, Carlisle says Edward don't 'startle her with you fast moves' as he puts it but I already know so I don't care, tell the rest when you ready Bella" with that she smile sweetly at me and turns on her heels and leaves. Edward and I look at each other then start laughing hysterically. I don't even know why it was so funny but I haven't felt this good in a long time.
Finally when we quieted down my body aches from the strain. I lie back down on the bed to rest. The room is really quite as I lie there with my eyes closed I wonder if Edward left or if he is just going to scare the living daylights out of me when I open my eyes. I think I've had enough of this quiet I know from experience that if it is quiet and I mean really quiet then something bad is about to happen. In my case usually I get attacked by Charlie from behind or something. He always likes to change it up with his sneak attacks. Once I was pulled out if my bed by him in the middle of the night because he had a bad dream so he figured I was the cause of it .Whoopi of my.
'Are you just staring at me?'Okay to the quieted is nice I guess I'll just make him talk. I haven't moved and I don't think I will for a while this s too good for y body and I want to soak up as much as I can before I have to go back to the house with my dear old dad to keep me company.
"Yes, "well that was short and it practily made me jump out of my skin because I forgot he had to talk.
'Well why are you staring at me anyways I'm nothing to look at?' now this I want an answer to but I don't think I meant to say it so sad. My eyes are still closed and I really don't want to open them because I'll see Edwards face and it will show what all the other faces showed. I never have been much to look at as my dad says I'm a piece of shit daughter. Some don't wonder why I've only been asked out by the guys who want a fuck from me. If they hang out with my dad then they will know just how to get me to do what they want. I've been used and I really don't think I have anything to hide now. The other girls at school don't talk to me because they think I'm a stuck up slut and I don't try to talk any of the guys their all the same. They just say "I'll tell you daddy if you don't do what I say. "And then I have to do what they want. Forks have some cruel people in it but they all have the wonderful popular outside on them so no one really cares why the fuck they do. But me no one looks at me they just do what they want and leave me to clean up. They don't even say anything on my body which they can plainly see has been tortured. They don't try to b nice they just take away. My first time was when my dad invited over some of his friends and one of them brought his son Mike Newton. He was three years older than me but dumb as a rock so we were in the same grade. I was only ten at the time and I had only gotten my period once. No one even cared that Mike pretty much raped me I mint nothing to them. And none of my dad's friends cared what he was doing to me. I cried that night and the next day Mike came back, with friends. I wonder why I feel closer to Edward, I don't like it. I think I need to stay a little bit away from the men in thus house. I know that they are really strong and I haven't seen they hang out with my dad but I can never be sure and if they want to try anything I am stuck in their house and I have no idea where we are. I mean if they kill me that'll be great but if they just hurt me more I rely don't know how I'll deal with it.
Edward haste t spoken yet I wonder why. Oh crap, I was just replay in all the times I've been used by my dads cruel friends and I am pretty sure that was the only thing I was thinking about so I'm guessing the Edward just got a look into my past that I did not want him to see. Damn if only I didn't have so much of a one-track mind. This is going to be hard to explain.
I scoot a little over so that I am not right next to Edward and now we have about a five inched distance between us. 'Edward doesn't think like that' I turn so I can look at him. His face is so pained it looks like he is going to cry. I don't know what he is thinning but I know he feels sorry for me. Threes nothing he can do about it and I don't really care anymore. I mean when I was nine right after my mom died it was really hard to get used to but now I just feel numb.
"You can't read my mind Bella you have no idea what I'm thinking" he says it so coldly it makes me turn away. It's like he has hell in his eyes they are completely black and his face is ridged and void of any emotion.
Time to speak this "Edward, just stop your thoughts right there it does not matter anyway. You cannot do anything about it so just drop it. I didn't mean for you to see that and I don't need your sympathy or your families. I've managed to keep on my feet most of the time by myself. And if they only way to do that is through Charlie and his wonderful friends then that is how it has to be. I can't leave and you can't stop him. So I really don't see why I'm still here anyway. Thanks for your help and your families but I am thinking it would be better if you could take me home. I'm bad for you anyway. My life is nothing you need to get involved into. You should keep your innocence for someone who you truly love, and can spend your long life with. " well that was a speech. I guess I'll get up now. No since in keeping the peace. Edward hadn't moved from his spot and his eyes were still black but his face had softened with my words and I don't think he could comprehend them. What a silly boy, vamp.
"Tah-tah now see you around have a nice life you deserve it. And back to hell for the sinned one" I said the last part under my breath but I think he might have heard it. Really didn't mean to but oh well.
"You are not sinned Bella, you are and angle living on earth." He said it so seriously, how he was not laughing.
"Ha, you are funny Edward. Here you and your family look like gods and I am just some used up piece of trash and you say I'm and angle! Angles are not treated this way, people who live in hell are treated this way so as I see it I have sinned somewhere in my life that I deserve this treatment form Charlie. So you are see things wrong and I really have to go now. I think I am tainting your godly air with my putrid stench of underworldlyness." I had tears in my eyes now but I pushed them back.
I started limping towards the door and down the hall. I guess the rest of the family heard me because there was not sound coming from them either. I made it to their stair case and eased myself down slowly. This part hurt a lot.
"Edward, you should help her down the stairs before she passes out from exgostion" I was startled by Carlisle's voice at the bottom of the stairs. He was sitting there looking sadly up at me. He understood, I really don't know how but he did. I did not see the rest of the family I guess they left somewhere. Edward came slowly towards the stairs and lifted me off of the second stair I was on. Swiftly he carried me down stairs and set me down again.
"Thank you Carlisle and the rest of your family, "I said quietly looking down at my feet.
"You're welcome Bella even though I really think you need another day of rest," he said it quietly as well but with the doctor air about him.
"Yeah well I really do have to get home I have bills to pay," I say.
"Doesn't Charlie pay them?"Edward asks.
"Nope not one cent that's why I work a forty hour week, got to keep the cable up you knows," then I turn around and face the door.
"That is too much for you to handle Bella," Carlisle says. I look at him out of the corner of my eye and say softly.
"I know," then I open the door and step outside. I know I'll need a ride home but I hope they figure that out. I close the door and then I hear them talking.
EPOV
"How can she do a forty hour week and go to school?" Charlie asks me.
"I hardly see her at school so I guess she doesn't,"
"That is too much for a girl in her situation she would be falling over with exertion!"Charlisle exclaims.
"If you hadn't noticed, she was and I don't think I can put her back there. The way her mind is set it is weird like if she is think about one certain thing then I can hear it but if she thinks more than one thing then it is gone. I don't understand her. But she cannot go there again he'll kill her"
"We helped her out and that is all we can really do right now Edward I know what you are feeling and I know what she is feeling. She has endured this for a long time now and her mind is warped around what Charlie wants her to think she doesn't know any better except for when she was young. And he was probably bad then but she was little and didn't understand. I don't know how we can help except like this. She has already said she wanted to go home"
"Dad, I don't get it why are you letting her just leave like this?!She is special and you know it and so does the rest of the family. We can't just throw her out then all of what she thought would be true."
"We did not throw her out she has stated that she wanted to leave. She made the effort to get up while her body is screaming to rest but she just pushes through it. That is how she works and that is how it works. We will find out how to help her you need to keep an eye on her in school for me okay?"
"Right," I say glumly
"Now she needs a ride home and if you don't think you can take her then I will drive her,"
"I'll drive her don't worry, I'll be back tomorrow morning so don't wait up," I true around and grab my keys and head towards the door.
