Chapter 6
Merlin was woken up by a wary nurse as he slept in one of the blissfully empty on-call rooms. Generally, physiotherapy students didn't spend nights in the hospital, nor did they get privileges such as sleeping in a room, but Sylvia was in for another surgery, and he didn't really want to stay alone in his empty place, so he had stayed at the hospital. The effect of his presence during the pre-surgical procedures was enough to grant him a reason to stay, and if he was over involved with patients, well, that was the reason he didn't want to be a doctor in the first place – he didn't have the heart for it, even if the paediatrics team seemed to disagree.
"Dr. Lake wants to see you in her office" said the woman, her eyebrow raised as if she was surprised he had been called.
Merlin had absolutely no idea why he was being called and shuddered to think about it. It was likely that she had found out he was sleeping there (for two days, but who was counting?), and wanted to send him home in person.
As he walked inside her office, though, there was already someone there – a guy he had seen a few times running around the hospital. He must be a few years younger than Merlin (just a couple), with dark curly hair and bright blue eyes. He was dressed in light green scrubs, and nodded at Merlin as he walked in, his face guarded.
"Hello, Mr. Emrys" she said, giving him one of her most scary smiles. "Have you met Dr. Mordred Gray? He's one of our interns – Dr. Gray, this is Merlin Emrys."
Merlin shook the guy's hand, and noticed that Mordred was clearly uncomfortable, although he had no idea why.
"Please, take a seat," said Nimueh, and he hurried to obey. "Merlin, your landlord called earlier this morning. It seems that someone broke into your apartment."
"Oh my god!" said Merlin, his mouth opening. "Is it bad? Oh god, I'm so screwed!"
"Manners" she said, and he closed his mouth instantly.
"I'm sorry!" he screeched. "Oh, God, what did he say? Did they take much?"
"That's enough" she said, her eyes amused. "The police are at your flat at the moment, but we have more pressing matters to discuss right now."
Merlin couldn't imagine what was more pressing than dealing with a felony at his house, but he knew better than to argue with Dr. Nimueh. She cleared her throat, and looked pointedly at Mordred.
"This is where Dr. Gray comes into our conversation" she grinned at both of them. "For it seems, according to hospital gossip, that even though you two haven't met before, you have both been quite… intimate with a Mr. Pendragon."
Merlin's eyes bulged, and he tried to speak and deny it all, but he couldn't – his face was in flames and his voice was failing him as he tried to form words.
"Now, I don't generally care about such matters" she went on, ignoring Merlin's state. "As long as you are not sleeping with patients, I don't see why I should. The problem is that since it's Mr. Pendragon we're talking about, we have been greeted by a small army of journalists trying to get a statement from both of you."
When Merlin thought his life couldn't get any worse.
"I'm not…" he started, but Dr. Lake stood, her face stern.
"I have sent them to our auditorium, since this is a hospital, where people come when they are sick and don't want to be disturbed by journalists trying to get the best piece of gossip. I have arranged that you two will meet them there and answer some questions, and they have graciously accepted not to come around anymore after that."
"I don't even…" Started Mordred, but Nimueh put her finger in front of her lips, shushing him.
"I don't care how you two feel about it, or whether you want it, or if you want to go inside there and duel for Pendragon's hand. What I do care is that they don't get in the way of us doing our job. I don't need photographers in the way of ambulances, and I certainly don't need them nagging my staff with questions about your personal lives. You two made this mess, you two will sort it out; do you understand me?"
Merlin could actually hear Mordred gulping, while he just nodded. He felt numb – he couldn't even process everything that was happening to him at that moment.
"Dr. Gray, please, next time you decide to share your sexual conquests in the OR, remember it has a microphone in it. Also, you two should wash your faces and make yourself presentable, you have already done enough damage to this hospital's reputation as it is!"
As they both just stood there, staring at her, she snapped.
"Move along! They are waiting for you!"
From being perfectly still, both started leaving as fast as they could, bumping into each other as they tried to reach the door at the same time. One of the nurses outside the room whispered something to the other nurse beside her and they both giggled, looking at them. Clearly the news had spread quite fast.
"I'm sorry" said Mordred, seriously, as they walked in the hallway. "I had no idea."
"It's fine" said Merlin – although it wasn't, not even near fine, but it was hardly Mordred's fault. "You didn't know."
Mordred gave him an apologetic smile, and Merlin acknowledged it with one of his own.
"I should warn you" said Mordred, seriously, just before they walked inside the auditorium. "It's on the news – someone sent them tons of stuff about you two… I'm not even sure why I have to go – I'm not sure they even know about me…"
"You don't need to come in," said Merlin, taking a deep breath. "This is my problem, not yours."
Mordred shook his head.
"Yeah, but it is my fault that the word got around, the least I can do is offer you moral support."
Merlin snorted, shaking his head.
"From the guy who slept with my boyfriend?" he asked with a dark amusement.
"Good point" muttered Mordred, looking at him. "Well, Dr. Nimueh told me to come so…"
"Yeah, I don't think she'd let you get away with not coming in," he agreed.
"Ready?" Mordred's voice was trembling, and Merlin tried to get a hold of himself.
"I don't think I'll ever be," he answered, truthfully. "But I have to do it, so, here we go."
Mordred nodded and opened the door, allowing Merlin to walk in first. For a second, he felt blinded by all the flashes. He focused on the chairs with glasses of water on the table in front, and walked to it, his back straight and his face raised, as he had seen Arthur do so many times while he hid himself to watch him being the perfect leader to the Rainbow Table.
He didn't even notice Mordred tagging along, he really didn't want to even consider all the consequences of what had just happened.
After that, everything got increasingly weird and Merlin felt as if he was watching himself deal with the journalists. He answered the questions with truth, but not saying more than he needed to say. He joked about Mordred, flirted with one of the journalists and teased when asked personal questions. It was all completely automatic, not himself speaking, but as if he was channelling Arthur's and Gwaine's behaviour, and if his ears got red exposing his embarrassment, well, no one was perfect.
He spent nearly twenty minutes answering stupid questions that ranged from the influence of his position on Arthur's politics to how he felt about being outed on the news. His whole body seemed to be filled with adrenaline.
"One last question" announced Mordred, firmly. "We still have to work."
"Merlin, are you aware of the rumours surrounding the friendship between Arthur and Prince Harry at Eton? What do you have to say about it?" asked one of the women, her hand up in the air.
For the first time in days, Merlin could honestly laugh, because from everything that he had been going through, gossip seemed so tiny compared to how his life was crumbling around his head that he couldn't help feeling amused.
"Yes, I am aware, I do live on this planet" he said, grinning madly. "And I can guarantee you that there's no truth in the rumours, honestly – I did spend a good while dreaming about it, but no, nothing happened between them. Unfortunately, for I'd love to invite the Prince round!"
That led the audience to laugh alone with him, and he stood up, patting into Mordred's back.
"It's been a pleasure. Now, if you would excuse us, we have patients to see."
As Merlin left the auditorium, he felt as if he could conquer the world. Sure, it would be hard to talk to his mother, but she was still his mother, so, it couldn't be worse than facing a room full of hungry wolves that called themselves journalists, right?
The one thing he forgot was that he wasn't the only one of his friends to work in the hospital. As he was passing by the auditorium main entrance, he found Freya standing there, clearly waiting for him, her arms crossed and her face showing all the anger she felt.
"Hey" he said, stopping by, unsure of how to act.
"You used me" she said, her voice low and hurt.
"Freya, I'm so sorry…" he said, and he couldn't really begin to explain himself.
"No – no" she interrupted him, fierce as she hardly ever was. "You know what's the worst of it? Now everyone looks at me as if I was some poor deluded thing."
Merlin could only look down – it was all his fault, and even worse, he could imagine very well how she was feeling, for he had seen that kind of suffering before.
"If you had told me, I would have played the beard for you" she said, her voice thick with tears. "I would, because I like you, and not only that way, but as a friend."
"I like you too, Freya" he started, but she went on as if he hadn't said anything.
"At least I thought I liked you, now I'm not even sure who you are!"
"I'm sorry" said Merlin, again, for lack of something better to say. "I just wanted to be friends, I didn't… I didn't mean to lead you on or to hurt you."
Freya just closed her eyes, tears streaming down her face.
"I'm so… humiliated!" she said, shaking her head. "I was a fool – I should have noticed – you never touched me, and never seemed to… God… Were you pretending I was a guy when you slept with me?" she asked, finally, her voice cracking.
"No!" Merlin assured, quickly. "It's not like that – I do like girls…"
"You just don't like me" she said, nodding. "Not as much as you like this Arthur bloke."
Merlin didn't say anything, because here was no way he could deny it.
"This Arthur guy" she said, finally, drying her tears in the back of her hand. "He must be really something – you're head over heels for him, Gwaine thinks he's great, even Lance…" she sighed, tiredly. "You really are completely in love with him, aren't you? I could see it in your eyes when you spoke about him during the interview."
Merlin nodded a bit, feeling sorry for himself.
"Yeah."
"Then why did you sleep with me?" she asked, sadly.
"Because I am completely in love with him."
And this was the only true answer he could give her – the biggest truth in his life.
The alarm went off, but Arthur didn't wake up. He turned it off and went back to sleep. After his father had left, he had indulged himself a pity fest for the mess that his life had turned into, opening a bottle of whisky and missing his afternoon classes. The whisky was followed by vodka, then wine, and then some beers that had been in the fridge for ages.
Of course, the following day came with a terrible headache, and even after he had done everything he was supposed to do cure a hangover, he still felt hollow and his head was still heavy. As the hours passed, it became clear that he was having one of his rare migraine attacks, and he hated himself even more – he knew it always happened when he mixed drinks.
As the second morning dawned, Arthur still didn't feel like getting up – he didn't even know what the point of it was anymore, and allowed himself to drown in his own angst, trying to sleep his problems away.
He woke up to the sound of his doorbell ringing furiously, although he hadn't heard the intercom. He tried to ignore it and pretend he wasn't home, but whoever it was didn't stop trying to get him to answer it, hitting the door and pressing the bell alternately.
Arthur gave up trying to sleep and rose, not in the best of moods.
"I'm coming" he called, and the attack on his door stopped.
He opened the door to find a completely agitated Morgana, shaking a copy of The Sun in front of his face.
"WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?"
Arthur could hardly see the picture, but it seemed to be him holding a dark-haired guy's face, deep in a kiss – it seemed that his father's negotiations a few days before hadn't gone well.
"Shit" he said, taking a deep breath. "Father will go ballistic"
"You bet he will!" hissed Morgana. "How could you not tell me?"
"What was I supposed to tell you? You saw me leaving the pub with Mordred," he pointed out, frowning.
"Mordred?" she asked, shaking her head. "I'm talking about Merlin."
Arthur felt his whole body stop at the mention of the name, and took the newspaper out of her hands before she said anything else. Now that she wasn't shaking the thing against his face, he saw that it was a picture of him and Merlin – it must be a couple of years old – and that it was in the front page of the news.
Every single time he thought his life couldn't get worse, he found that he was wrong.
He scanned the page quickly only to find out that, somehow, they had found out everything – every tiny detail of their relationship, things they had never shared with anyone else. The article ended saying that more could be found on the website, and he ran to his computer to see – dozens of pictures, some of them blurred to hide their nakedness.
There was only one place where they could have gotten that – Merlin's computer.
For one wild moment, Arthur wondered if Merlin had sold their story and gotten some money out of it, but he discarded the thought straight away. Merlin would never out himself like this, not after all these years hiding it for his mother's sake. Even if their whole relationship seemed to be doomed, he'd never make her go through this.
"So" said Morgana, clearing her throat. "How could you? Four whole years? And not a word?"
Arthur just shook his head – there was little he could say that hadn't already been said by the news.
"I can totally understand that you wanted it to keep quiet because of his mother, but I'm your sister, for fuck's sake!"
Arthur was at loss about what he could say to calm her down, and yet, there was only one thing he could say.
"I think we're breaking up" he said, his voice soft with sadness.
"Oh, Arthur, what did you do?" she said immediately, coming closer to him.
"Why do you assume I did something?" he complained, pouting.
Morgana's only answer was raising her eyebrow.
"I told him I needed a break."
"Why?"
"He slept with someone else," said Arthur, shrugging. "A girl, named Freya."
Morgana nodded, slowly.
"Is this why you slept decided to get drunk and pick up children from the daycare?"
Arthur gasped, but he couldn't deny it, so he just shrugged.
"And what is that about Mordred? Why would he be in the news?"
He took a deep breath.
"It seems that we… got a little out of control and started things before getting to the apartment."
Morgana snorted at that.
"Yeah, I noticed it on the way here" she said, smiling.
"God, I screwed everything, didn't I?" he said, shaking his head. "Merlin will never forgive me."
"I thought he had cheated on you" Morgana was clearly puzzled, and Arthur really didn't want to say it, but there was no point in trying to hide anything from his sister.
"Yeah… About that" he said, gulping. "I might have… said I wanted him to live his sexuality fully. Often and a lot."
"Are you insane?" barked Morgana. "You're the most jealous guy I ever knew! Why on Earth would you want an open relationship?"
Arthur snorted, shaking his head. Right now, he was at loss about why he had done it as well.
"Because I believe it should be that way?" his voice was trembling. "I believe in it, Morgana, how could I act unlike it? Specially after all these brilliant speeches about how we don't really get bisexuals?"
Morgana put her right hand in her forehead, rubbing it, clearly trying to find in herself enough patience to deal with Arthur's antics.
"Clearly, you don't!" she said, finally. "God, Arthur, just because we can like both men and women doesn't mean we need to have both all the time!"
Arthur just shrugged at that.
"Yeah, well, it seems that Merlin does" he said, his voice broken.
"Or maybe you pushed him into it" was her answer. Morgana's hands where in her hips, and she was staring at him as if he was a child stealing cookies before dinner. "Did you?"
"I might have," he agreed, taking a deep breath.
"And then made a scene when he actually did it – God, you're such an arsehole!"
"I know" Arthur couldn't honestly explain even to himself why he hadn't managed to think straight. Then again, he was a very jealous person, as Morgana had reminded him so nicely. "But… It wasn't only that."
"What else?" she asked, clearly finding him more ridiculous than she usually did.
"You" he said, finally, without looking at her. "I just found out that he slept with you after the thing with Freya. He had never told me."
"Arthur!" She was clearly exasperated. "That was ages ago!"
"Exactly!" He huffed, standing up. "And he never told me!"
"Well, I can totally see why!" she answered, clearly angry. "It is none of your business!"
"You are my sister!" Arthur's voice was firm, and she just cackled.
"Well, I'm not really your sister. And anyway, I'm not yours and neither is Merlin. You weren't together then, were you?"
"No, but…" he started, but she cut him off.
"Have you ever told him about me?" Her voice was sharp. "Does Merlin know that when you were fourteen and I had just moved in, you decided that you'd like girls, and you bedded me?"
"I didn't bed you" Arthur started, and she snorted.
"You tried, and you were inside, so it doesn't really matter if you went all soft and couldn't go on – you bedded me. Have you ever told Merlin about that?"
"No, but…"
"What about that one time that you sucked Leon off at Eton, does he know about that?"
"How do you know about that?" asked Arthur, surprised, and she smirked.
"I have my ways" she answered, and she became serious again. "Does he know about it?"
"No" said Arthur, knowing that there was no way he was getting out of his one.
"And why is that?"
"Because it has nothing to do with him!" whined Arthur.
"See? There! It has nothing to do with you either that he helped me sleep with Mithian after years of pining after her."
Arthur didn't have an answer for that – he was still upset, and he still felt as he had been lied to, but Morgana – damn her – had a point. She always had a point.
"Just assume it, you screwed up because you can't handle having anything out of your control."
That was – and had always been – the truth about his life. Arthur had always needed thing to go exactly according to plan, and whenever he failed, he couldn't rein in his temper or feelings. Even when he knew he was being unreasonable – and he was ready to agree that his logic was faulty here – it didn't make them go away, and certainly didn't make it stop hurting.
"How can I ever know if he's hiding something? How can I ever know that he won't just fall for someone else?"
"You can't" she said, simply. "No one can. That's how relationships are – we just… go in there and hope for the best."
Arthur smiled at her, sadly.
"I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can handle it."
Morgana set beside him, and pulled him into her arms. Arthur didn't usually allow it, but he couldn't see the point of fighting it now.
"For what it is worth… I don't think he'd do anything like that" she said, softly. "I have met him only once, but… He's been with you for four years. It's a long time. He stayed by your side for four years, and it wasn't because you're Arthur Pendragon, or because you have money, or anything – none of this matters when you can't brag about it – and he didn't give you up even though he knew his mother wouldn't approve of it." She took a deep breath. "He stayed with you this whole time for you and you alone – he put up with your terrible moods and your crazy habits, not to mention your terrible cooking skills. That should mean something. I don't think he would have slept with anyone if you hadn't pushed it."
"I pushed him away because of it" confessed Arthur, his voice low.
"You jerk" she said, but there was no heat in it. "You supercilious fool. When you'll ever learn?"
He didn't know what to say – didn't know what to do – even if everything that Morgana said was true, it didn't change the fact that Merlin had just been thrown out of the closet to the whole country because of Arthur; and he surely would hate him for that.
As Merlin walked out of the hospital something hit his face hard – something that closely resembled a fist, and that made quite an impact against his cheekbones. The pain blinded him for a few seconds, enough to hear Gwen's voice shrieking, as he held his own head.
"Will!"
"You bastard!" Will said, and Merlin rose from the surprise. "You… I can't believe you!"
"Will!" said Gwen again, trying to pull him away, but the man didn't seem to even notice it.
"You are a liar and a cunt! How could you do this? Don't you think about your fucking mother? And Freya?"
"That's quite enough" said Lance, his voice steady.
"You're just like your father" said Will, spitting at Merlin and then walking away.
"Will!" yelled Gwen, once again.
"Just leave him, dear" said Lance, still calm.
Merlin wasn't really surprised by Will's reaction – he didn't expect any less from him, all things considered.
"You better put some ice on that," said Lance, keeping his cool as he always did. "I'll get you some."
"Thanks" said Merlin, weakly.
As her boyfriend walked inside, Gwen herself moved to smack Merlin's arm.
"Ouch!" he said, surprised at her strength.
"We are your friends!" she said, clearly pissed off.
"I know, Gwen…" he said, taking a deep breath. "It's only… It's complicated."
"You bet it is – Will was screaming with someone from Ealdor on the phone all the way here."
Merlin tried to frown, but it seemed that his face was a bit swollen from Will's punch, and it hurt, so he gave up on it.
"And poor Freya – she must have been heartbroken!" Gwen's voice was showing how disappointed she was, and that hurt much more than Will's violence. "You shouldn't have led her on."
"I didn't mean to" he said, honestly. "It just… Sort of happened?"
"I bet Arthur wasn't thrilled about it" she said, snorting.
"Especially since he found us together in the morning, no" agreed Merlin. "I've made a complete mess of everything."
Gwen shook her head and patted his back, lightly.
"It will sort itself out, I'm sure."
"Here" said Lance, handing him an ice pack.
Merlin pressed it against his face, and Gwen tugged his sleeve.
"We heard about your flat – we'll drive you over."
He didn't say anything, just followed numbly towards their car. As Lance started the engine, he spoke.
"So, Arthur Pendragon. He seems like a nice bloke."
Merlin sighed.
"I'm not sure we're still together," he said, and Lance looked at him through the rear mirror.
"Because of Freya or because of the other guy?"
"Both" Merlin took a deep breath. "I haven't even seen the damn news yet."
"I thought you wouldn't have," said Gwen, handing him the paper.
Merlin read it while Lance took him home. One didn't have to be a Sherlock Holmes to figure out that his apartment being invaded and the sort of information the press had gotten hold of were closely related. They seemed to know everything about Merlin's and Arthur's personal life.
"What I can't stop wondering his… How did they first heard of you?"
"Mordred seems to have noticed something" said Merlin, shrugging. "I'm not sure how he knew it was me either."
"Merlin isn't a very common name" Lance pointed out, looking for a spot to park.
"No, but there was nothing he could have seen with my name" Merlin said, leaving the newspaper on the seat. "Arthur always fretted about us being found – I hardly ever went over his place. There were some bits, but nothing that could have been traced to me, unless he ran a DNA test."
They walked out of the car, and Gwen bit her lower lip, nervously.
"Unless Arthur said something."
"What?" asked Merlin, confused, "Why would he?"
"Have you seen Mordred?" she said, eyeing Merlin with curiosity. "He's like… Well, he could have been confused."
"We are not alike at all!" complained Merlin.
Gwen smirked at that, and raised her eyebrows.
"Anyway…" she went on "I'm not talking about when he was awake and… I mean – sleeping. He could have been dreaming about you"
"Maybe" said Merlin, and then he shook his head. "It doesn't really matter, not anymore."
"I suppose it doesn't." she agreed.
"Come on, let's see how much of a flat I have left" said Merlin, walking inside the building.
It was worse than he'd imagined – there were a few police officers inside, and he had to prove he really was himself (which one wouldn't be expecting considering his picture had been in the front page of the news) before he could walk in. Whomever came around hadn't bothered to get anything apart from what they needed to prove he was in a relationship with Arthur – actually, all of Arthur's things were gone; as was his computer, some notes they had left each other, the picture he kept inside the wardrobe.
If it weren't for the walls, it would have looked exactly as his flat would if they broke up and Arthur moved all his stuff out.
Because while they hadn't bothered to touch his study things, or even his food or clothes, every single wall in the apartment had been sprayed over with pornographic doodles and curses, using colourful language to refer to his sexuality.
The officers assured him that they were treating it seriously – as a hate crime as well as a robbery, but it did little to help Merlin's nerves. The landlord was incredibly pissed off, and reminded him that as soon as the police allowed, the walls should be repainted to cover that "indecency". He also complained that Merlin was putting the whole building at risk, that he had compromised the other neighbours' safety and was expected to pay for a new lock to the main doors. It took everything he had to refrain to point out that Arthur had been walking inside and outside the building for over an year without anyone even noticing, so the security couldn't be that good.
Gwen told him they would love to have Merlin over for as long as he needed, but he didn't want to stay with them – he wanted to be alone, to crawl in his bed and never get up, and to pretend he was somewhere else.
To top it off, as the police left and Gwen and Lance went out to buy some paint for them to start working on the walls, the landlord came back to tell him his mother was coming over.
Merlin couldn't even pretend he was surprised.
