True Blues

Chapter 7: Food blues

Because food fights are included in the arts of cooking


Levy had her back pressed up against the wall ready to strike the strategically placed hamburger bun with her solid script 'FIRE'. She had already written the first three letters and was ready to write the 'E' when she needed to. Perspiration dripped down her face and her once rapid breathing was forced down to tiny breaths. Jellal was crouched beside her with an incredulous expression set on his face. The feud had been going back and forth for a good 30 minutes with either side backing down. Each side dealt and received damage but none were all the closer to winning.

He heard the pitter patter of bare feet against the ceramic tiled floors and their eyes spied a blue blur run past.

"THERE!"

Levy quickly wrote the E and pushed the now flaming word towards the hamburger, which to his dismay, it exploded.

"W-w-what?"

They rushed to the agonising groan and they found Juvia splattered with meat patty and lettuce.

"W-w-we got their leader Jellal!" Levy exclaimed excitedly.

I think you need to tell me first, how'd that burger exploded...

Juvia lifted up her hand and put it in her mouth and blew. It let out a high pitched whistle and suddenly the ground started shaking.

They directed their gaze back at Juvia who had a conniving grin set on her face.

What. THE. HELL. Did. She. Do?

He felt a tug on his jacket and he looked down to see Jevy with a petrified expression. He switched his gaze to where her eyes were glued to and nearly dropped his cake.

Coming towards them was a mini cyclone swirling with broccoli bits and whatever random bits of food it had.

WOMAN. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? AND ALWAYS WITH THE BROCCOLI!

Oh kami. Please. Save my cake.

Levy, pulling on his cloak, managed to snap him out of his shock and they began to run. The two blunettes slid across the kitchen, but to their dismay, another mini food cyclone was heading their way. They were backed into the oven, Jellal hugging his cake protectively.

"Jendy's really got us cornered with this one." She smirked despite their predicament. The sweat that dripped down her face made the moment seem even more dramatic.

"They're all just jealous that my cake came out decent!" He hissed as the cyclone literally whipped up a storm and flung a nearby stool away.

The kitchen was a mess. And pretty sure, his hard worked cake was also going to be a mess.

"It seems, the cyclones are somehow following us, as if someone were controlling them." Levy observed.

Jellal nodded. "No doubt Juvia is exploiting poor Jendy to do this."

Levy signed and then directed Jellal a sad smile. "We'll never be able to escape them."

"Jellal." She placed her hands on his shoulders.

"Jevy... What's wrong?" He's eyes widened.

She pushed him out of the way and Jellal managed to fall forward in slow motion, turning a head to look back at his partner.

"Get... revenge for me." She closed her eyes and the two food cyclones were upon her.

"JEVYYYYYYY!" Jellal yelled and his body finally met the ground. The thump, when his body finally hit the ground, echoed throughout the kitchen. Even after all that he somehow managed to hold his cake well above the floor so that it wasn't ruined.

He quickly lifted himself up and ran towards his comrade. She was in a slump and her eyes struggled to open. He held her up in his arms. She was covered in chocolate and green broccoli bits and was a complete mess.

"Jellal... I don't have much time."

Wow, Jevy, the play definitely made you more dramatic. Jelllal thought to himself, but also felt himself get sucked into the atmosphere. He decided to play along just for the sake of it.

"Jevy, you didn't have to sacrifice yourself for me. We could've made it together!"

She smiled sadly, a tear falling from her eyes.

"It's... what… partners do...Cake...1..." And she closed her eyes, head limp against his arms.

"JEVYYYYY!" He yelled and cried into her shoulders. "I promise. I'll get revenge for you."

He could hear a faint sobbing sound in the distance. Jellal turned around to see Wendy peering from the corner hiccuping with tears streaming down her face.

"I-i-i-i... KILLED JEVY-SAN!"

"A-a-h.. wait..." Jellal sweat-dropped. Perhaps their appalling display was more convincing than he thought.

Wendy ran towards them for goodness knows what reason and just her luck her foot managed to catch hold of a random banana peel and she slipped over.

The poor blue haired dragonslayer slid across the floor and managed to knock herself out. Jellal had to applaud her for actually managing to slip on a banana peel- a gag only seen in comedy films. Kami, was this an anime or something?

Jellal dusted himself off and stared at the fallen blunettes around the kitchen.

Only one opponent remained.

Jellal picked up the banana which had caused Wendy's rather sad defeat and eyes watched the room for any sign of moment.

A flicker of blue caught his eye and he lodged the banana towards that direction; with speed that only an ex-wizard saint had.

"GAK!" Jellal realised too late that it was Juvia who was the target of his banana attack. The yellow fruit connected with her face with a splat, and she fell into unconsciousness one more.

Sad to say Jellal did not regret his actions at all.

Sorry Juvia, but it needed to be done, for many reasons. This past week was the reason.

It was only the banana skin. No harm done.

In the midst of his thoughts Jellal hadn't noticed Happy sneak up behind him and then pull his cape over his head.

"Wha-"

The blue cat was quick to work and picked up the banana skin off from Juvia's face and placed it near his feet. Jellal was busily trying to pull his cape off himself but unfortunately his shoes found the banana peel and slipped over.

He groaned in pain and once he lifted the cape from his face, he was face to face with a blue cat smirking at him.

Jellal's face distorted into horror as he spied Happy holding a jar of hot red peppers in his hands. Jellal trembled, still traumatised from his Grand Magic Tournament match.

"JAPPY! YOU WOULDN'T!"

Oh who was he kidding, of course he would.

And before Jellal could fling the small exceed off him, his mouth was abused with the red peppers and he fell into a twitching sort of seizure and then a slump. Tears gathered at his eyes.

Why me?

Happy grinned happily and then stood on the counter with his paws in the shape of a 'v'.

"MY WIN!"

The sound of the oven's timer went off with a 'ding' and suddenly everyone got up again. It was as if they had revived from the dead.

"Oh, the food's done."

Levy stood up as if nothing had happened, followed by Wendy and then Juvia. Juvia dusted herself off and Levy took a long stretch.

"Let's get this mission over with!" Juvia announced and went to the fridge to fetch her creation. "Now for the finishing touches and we're out!"

Juvia looked at Jellal who was still unconscious.

Ehh… give him a few more minutes.


Jellal cringed. Probably from the strong after taste of the red peppers and the sight before him. And probably the fact that the people in love alliance treated the previous food fight as if it were nothing.

He stared at his attempt to save his Juvia imprinted cake and cringed once more.

The chocolate icing just make her face even more obvious. Jellal continued his staring contest with it until Juvia came over.

"It's a very beautiful cake Jellal-san!" She nodded approvingly.

He glared at her. She was only saying that because it was her face it resembled. Jellal grabbed the strawberry and placed one in each of the eye imprints.

He could almost hear those horror movie screams being played in the background. Jellal looked around the destroyed kitchen to see that everyone in the people in love alliance had finished their creations.

"Kami… they looked awful…" he muttered as they were left to admire their… originality.

Levy glared at Juvia. "Juvia, your team may have won the food fight, but my muffins are going to be the best."

"Bring in on bluey."

"Yeah bluueey." Happy egged on.

Sparks were generated between them and they quickly went back to their task.

Once bound and wrapped the members of the PILA went to hand out their diabolical weapons- err sweets.


Juvia hopped over the window sill to Gray's room in team A's apartment. She looked up to see Lucy's mouth hung open with Natsu giving her a friendly wave.

"Come to join us Juvia?" the pink haired dragon slayer grinned.

"THIS IS MY ROOM! STOP COMING IN, DON'T I DESERVE SOME PRIVACY TOO?!" Lucy had a slight mental breakdown.

Juvia returned the wave and frowned a bit confused.

"Sorry rival in love, seems like Juvia has the wrong room."

She opened the door and made a hasty exist. Ah, not that room, but the room next to it. Juvia slammed the door open merrily and found Gray putting on his pants.

"J-j-juvia?! What are you doing here?" He quickly pulled them up.

Juvia felt a nose blood vessel break. She quickly wiped the blood away.

"No. Juvia's worked far too hard to let this defeat Juvia."

Her eyes travelled to the bed to see Gray's underwear laying on top. The flow of blood suddenly became heavier. She staggered towards him with her chocolate.

G-g-gray-sama's used underwear! Is Gray-sama wearing any underwear now?

"You're a formidable foe Gray-sama, but this isn't even my full power." She huffed with much labour.

"What are you talking about?" He asked confused.

"Gray-sama. Please accept Juvia's chocolates!" She presented her heart shaped chocolate to him.

He took it off her, the look of confusion not leaving his face.

"What's this for?"

"It's for... um... non-valentines day!"

"What…?"

"Please help yourself to them." She sighed dreamily and cupped her cheeks.

They were lovely Juvia, in return I'll give you a kiss.

"OH GRAY-SAMA!" She flailed.

Gray ignored her.

"Well I guess I will, since you went through all that effort to make them…" He blushed slightly.

Juvia grinned to herself and her fan-girl inner self giving him a thumbs up. Tsundere Gray-sama is the best!

He blinked surprised at the chocolate.

"This looks pretty good."

Her eyes began to shine. "Oh Gray-sama, your words are far too kind!"

"Err yeah… well thanks for this."

Juvia watched him put the chocolate confectionery into his mouth.

The sirens of an ambulance rushing past caught her attention.

"Wow that ambulance sure is noisy, huh Gray-sama?"

She looked at him curious of the strange face he was making.

"Gray-sama?"


Juvia came out of the apartment to meet her fellow PILA who were waiting eagerly outside.

"How'd it go Juvia-san?" Wendy asked inquiringly.

"Oh… it went... well…"

Jellal twitched.

"THEN WHY ARE THERE A BUNCH OF AMBULANCE VANS OUTSIDE THIS INN?"

Juvia quickly turned around at the sound of the hospital bed rolling down stairs. She ran towards the stretcher in which they were carrying Gray's body.

"GRAY-SAMA! DON'T DIE ON ME!" She sobbed.

"THEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TRIED TO KILL ME!" He yelled and then fell into a faint.

Wendy stared at the scene not so sure of what to say and Levy grinned deviously to herself. This was surely her win.

Happy cackled a bit. "Youuu killed himmm~"

Jellal blanched. If Juvia's creation was that bad, then maybe he should play it safe. Jellal went up to one of the ambulance drivers and held up a bag of jewels.

"Could you stay in the area for the whole day just in case?"

He raised a brow. "What are you going to do, attempt to kill people?"

The man burst into laughter at his joke and Jellal joined in with his own nervous laugh.

"Well… you could say that… probably by accident thought."

"Um... what?"

"Better if you don't ask."


"Well Juvia, it's my win!" Levy smirked. "You may as well give me my jewels now."

Juvia pouted. "We'll see about that."

"We shall see about this."

Gajeel was also amidst the crowd of people trying to see why there were so many ambulances.

Ah such luck.

"Gajeel!"

"Oh hey shrimp. What's up?" He greeted her like usual.

"Um… I made you something to eat... Hope you'll accept it." She offered timidly and a blush adorning her face.

"Oh… well thanks I guess." He took the basket of muffins from her. "What's the occasion?"

"Gajeel-kun, it's for non-valentines day." Juvia answered for her.

"What the hell is that?" He asked rudely, but nonetheless took the muffin out of the basket. Gajeel ignored the smell of death emitting from the muffins.

Shit, I was nearly brought to the other side of the light just by smelling it.

Surely she wouldn't add poison to it. He looked at her smiling eagerly at him. She looked so happy and enthusiastic.

He looked to his imaginary angel and devil egos, what one would call your devil and angel side. They were seated on each of his shoulders, one dressed up in white accompanied with wings and the other in black with devil horns.

Inner angel: "You'll hurt her feelings if you don't do it. Tough it out."

Inner devil: "Stop. You're gonna fuck yourself up if you eat that."

Oh well... shit... What should he do?

Angel: "You'll hurt her feelings if you tell her the truth."

Devil: "What, are you suicidal?"

Levy looked at him with those darn large eyes. "You're not going to eat it?"

"Ah, yeah… it's… Just so beautiful that I couldn't bear to eat it."

Levy's eyes began to twinkle. "Not at all, please eat to your heart's desire! I made it just for you Gajeel!"

Well…. Shit.

Angel: You have no choice but to die.

Devil: You have no choice but to die.

AH, WHY THE FUCK ARE MY INNER DEVIL AND INNER ANGEL AGREEING WITH EACH OTHER?

Gajeel bunched his hands into a fist and took a bite and then swallowed. Levy was practically jumping up and down.

"How are they?"

"Oh kami…" He gurgled and then collapsed, eyes rolling backwards.

"Gajeel?" She saw that he wasn't moving.

"GAJEEL! YOU'RE MEANT TO BE A DRAGON SLAYER! YOU EAT METAL!" Levy cried out.

"For someone who eats metal, he doesn't have a very strong stomach."

Juvia and Jellal grimaced. What the heck did you put in there?!

Luckily with so many ambulances in the vicinity, Gajeel was able to get quick medical attention.

"Yooouuu killed himmm~" Happy added unhelpfully.

"Well that's my win, Jevy-san." Juvia smirked.

"No way Juvia. Didn't you see how fast he collapsed?"

Jellal stared deadpanned at them. Wait… weren't you two fighting about who had the best cake?

"Phu-lease Jevy-san, Gray was already unconscious by the time it touched his tongue."

No you two… that's nothing you should be proud of.


Jellal ignored their bickering and decided to find Erza. He worked hard for her sake and he wanted to see her enjoy his cake.

He turned around and to his surprise she was also wandering around outside the apartment. With a confident grin he walked up to her and then stood in front of her.

"Erza."

"Oh Jellal! Good to see you." She gave him a warm smile.

"This is for you." He returned the smile. "It's… for… erm…" Non-valentines day? "Err- everything you've done for me."

Erza gracefully accepted the present and when she opened it her smile widened. "You made this?"

Her eyes then narrowed. "The design is rather… unique… In fact it looks a bit like Juvia…"

Her aura suddenly darkened.

"Erm, Err… It's not what you…"

Dammit he was always horrible at lying.

For kami sakes… can he at least die after she tried the cake! He poured blood, sweat and tears into that thing!

"Erza! The cake's getting cold."

He detected Juvia's crying from the distance. "Juvia doesn't know where she went wrong!"

"Ah you're right, I've been craving some cake for a while now." Erza pulled out a fork from her pockets. "I shall try a bit now."

Jellal ignored the fact she just pulled a fork from her pockets and watched in anticipation until he heard Juvia's confession.

"Juvia also WROTE the cookbook herself! It definitely wasn't the cookbook's fault!"

"WEQD#RJ$O#WECNAN!, OH MY KAMI, FOR THE LOVE OF MAVIS and 14 tablespoons of baking powder!" Jellal screamed and then pushed Erza's face away so that his face was the one receiving the spoonful of cake.

Jellal felt himself convulse violently once he swallowed the cake and then he clutched his throat.

"At least… I have an ambulance near me." He gagged and then collapsed.

The rest of the people on love alliance watched him get loaded onto an ambulance.

"What happened to Jellal-san?" Wendy asked curiously.

"Don't worry Jellal, we'll do our best without you!" Juvia wiped a tear from her eyes.

Erza looked at the cake in her hands and spied a spoon jutting out of it. Did he bake a spoon into the cake?

What did he try to feed me?


Wendy had also found Romeo as well and she shyly handed him the food.

He thanked her a bit embarrassed.

"But, man! Get this. There have been three cases of attempted murders just then." He laughed a bit. Wendy hoped that it wasn't the PILA's doing.

Levy and Juvia shared a shaky laugh and Romeo shrugged off their strange behaviour.

"Well thanks Wendy!" He smiled. "These look really nice."

Wendy's eyes sparkled and she gave him a large smile.

"Romeo-kun! You get their beauty! I'm so glad someone finally-"

"Yeah, they're really nice looking dogs."

"…"

Wendy felt as if a knife wrenched itself into her and lightning had stuck her body.

"Gosh Romeo-kun, how rude. They're jellyfish!" Juvia stated matter-of-factly.

"Buddha statues."

"Oh… I guess I can see it." Romeo twisted the shapes around.

"They're hearts!" Wendy finally sobbed.

All three Fairy Tail mages looked at each other, disbelief etched on their faces.

"Are you sure they're hearts Jendy?" Juvia asked.

"Who on Earthland was Jendy?"

Sometimes they asked the strangest questions.

"Of course I'm sure, I made it!" Wendy confirmed.

Levy tried looking at the cookies in different angles. "Positive? It's not a mistake or something?"

Wendy stared horrified at them. It was like the creator's opinions didn't matter anymore.

That author who wrote 'the curtain was blue', couldn't write it because the curtain was actually blue, but because someone else decided that he wrote it because he was feeling sad and blue represents the feeling of melancholy. But in this case, the Jendy couldn't say that her creations were indeed heart shapes because apparently it didn't vaguely look like hearts and people just couldn't see how skilfully she designed them. Her inner rant went on.

And surely it looks, even a bit like a heart.

"Maybe heart was French for dog or something." Romeo joked.

Wendy decided to snatch back her HEART shaped cookies and make a dramatic escape from them before they crushed her real heart.

Romeo watched her disappear.

"But wait... I didn't even have any!"

Levy and Juvia exchanged smirks. "She's just shy."


Happy finally tracked Charle down with the rest of the people in love alliance.

….Well… the rest of the PILA who were still there. Jellal was currently… unavailable and Wendy ran for the hills not too long ago.

She narrowed her eyes at him when he presented her with the gift.

"What is this?"

"It's my non-valentines day present to you." Happy cried with eyes full of hearts.

"I don't want it."

He's eyes were suddenly filled with tears and eyes signalling to Levy and Juvia for some help.

"Oh Charle-san! How could you!" Juvia placed a hand on her forehead.

"Well, quite easily actually." The white exceed answered.

"Jappy's worked so hard to create this." Levy let out a disappointed sigh.

"Welll…"

"I only dropped the fish on the flo-" The two bluenettes went to cover his mouth before he said anymore.

"Wait… what?"

"He meant the fish… was on the floor…" Juvia began sweating.

"to… to… break dance…" Happy finished.

"- yeah, so that it could demonstrate how…" Levy looked up in thought. "…fresh and healthy it… was… you know of the Magnolia break dancing fish don't you?"

Dammit, who was going to believe that?

Charle huffed and stuck her nose in the air. "Of course I'd know of that fish."

Their unbelievable lie somehow managed to fool her.

"It's only the rarest and healthiest fish in the whole of Fiore."

Now this got Charle's attention.

"Hmhp. Well if it's rare and I guess I'm not as cruel as to reject-"

"My hard work for your affections?" Happy asked hopefully.

"A fish as rare as that." Charle finished.

Well, not what they were hoping for, but close enough. Happy got onto one knee and presented the chocolate fish. Charle took it and unwrapped the present.

Juvia let out a scream and Levy played a high pitched note in the background with her keyboard. Again with pulling things out of thin air.

"Really? Was that necessary?"

"Jappy's going to win this bet." Juvia whispered to her fellow blunette. Levy sighed dejectedly and began pulling out her bag of jewels.

Charle jabbed it and stared at the lump in the chocolate. "What is that?"

"Extra flavour." Happy replied happily.

"And that?" She pointed to something green on the chocolate fish.

"Secret ingredient."

"…"

"Male cat. If you kill me, I will kill you."

Happy shrugged. "That's fair."

Charle braced herself and took a large bite.


Jellal was finally conscious and relaxed in his hospital bed. He was half glad that he was the one to eat the cake from hell, rather than Erza. But in saying so, half because it was the worst thing he'd ever tasted. And he's had jail food.

He was now fully awake and turned his head to find the members of the People In Love Alliance sitting in a row next to his bed.

He jolted upright and let out a mainly shriek.

"Please no more." He whimpered pathetically.

"What on Earthland are you on about Jellal-san?" Juvia chided him. "We've only come to tell you the news!"

"What?"

"We're in the Newspaper!"

"I'm on the newspaper." Happy corrected them at once.

Oh kami. Don't tell me they've actually succeeded in murdering someone?! As if his fugitive life wasn't hard enough.

"Nope. I'm not affiliated with you lot anymore." He waved him hands limply, in an attempt to shoo them away.

"NO! Jappy's famous!" Wendy pointed at the newspaper.

"What? For murder?"

"No! For his genius creation!"

"WHAT?" Jellal's head snapped around so fast that there was a disturbing crack. "Let me see that."

It couldn't be true. He saw how many times that fish was dropped on the ground and how it just teaming with germs and horror.

Sure enough, on the front page was Happy holding up his chocolate fish that looked like someone vomited on it.

"HOW?"

"Apparently his creation actually went well together." Levy explained.

"Now they're asking if he wants to travel the world and accept a job as a chief!"

Well… that's amazing in its own rights, but he cannot fathom how a fish- covered in chocolate and basically rubbed against the floor was such a prize winning recipe?

Happy smirked and held out his paw as if he were royalty. "I'm just a genius, Charle has definitely fallen for my charms."

Jellal collapsed back into his pillow. Urgh, I can't take anymore. I'm so over it all.

"Jellal, the people in love alliance has also been featured in the newspaper!"

Juvia grinned widely. And then quickly turned to the next page.

He blanched when he read the title. "Three attempted murders through poison."

"It can't be…"

"Yes it is us!" Juvia did a little twirl finished with a bow.

Jellal skimmed through the article and shuddered. Luckily he was part of the casualty list so he wasn't a suspect.

'Yesterday afternoon three mages were taken to hospital. Culprits haven't been found as of yet, but we urge you to be wary…"

"Why are all four of you photo-bombing this article's picture?" Jellal jabbed a finger at the newspaper. Sure enough four distinctive blunettes were lingering around the background, with him in a hospital bed.

Juvia pouted. "Jellal-san, you should be proud of us for being in a newspaper!"

Jellal opened his mouth to let out a retort but Juvia turned to all the members of the alliance.

"Well... that went better than expected everyone!" Juvia chirped.

Jellal desperately wanted to face palm himself. Were we even at the same place during all that horror?

Instead he just pulled up his hospital blanket to cover his view of the crazy bluenettes.

"Just leave me alone you guys!"

And that was the real reason Jellal didn't enter the magic games that week.


Jellal and Juvia mini omake

Jellal was finally released from hospital. It was still that day but it felt far longer. They returned to a messy kitchen and they were lucky that Mirajane and Laxus was still out.

"I'm so exhausted Juvia." Jellal sighed. "What are we going to do about the kitchen?"

Juvia looked up in thought and then gave him a mischievous smirk.

"We tell Laxus-san and Mirajane that Gajeel-kun did it."

Jellal sent his deepest apologies to Gajeel in his head, but he doubt that she could actually get him to accept responsibility.

"Ah speak of the devil."

"What are you on about now Juvia. You and your crazy schemes."

Gajeel had just walked into the room. Juvia looked around left the room and came back with a chair.

Jellal's eyes widened as she sent it straight down on him.

"Juvia…"

"Hmmm?"

"You hit... him with a chair."

Juvia said nothing as she dragged Gajeel away.

"YOU HIT HIM. WITH. A. CHAIR!"

Juvia began tying him to another chair.

"W-w-why would you do that?!" He asked a bit more panicked.

"Don't worry Jellal-san, this happens all the time."

Oh kami. What kind of relationship do you two have?!

"Alright Jellal, now help me put this sign on him."

"What?" He looked down at the piece of paper he had been given.

'I'm sorry I destroyed this kitchen.'

"Woman. You are insane!"

"Quick hand me the tape Jellal-san!"

I'm so sorry Gajeel.

And the two bluenettes ran out like madmen out of their apartment leaving poor Gajeel to cop all the punishment.

And they all lived happily ever after… until their next adventure.


LOL. Gosh. I must be high writing this.
Err, total crack guys. Have fun reading this, cause gosh, I don't even know. xD
Nearly done the next chapter too! Look forward to it. It only gets crazier. Thanks for all the support everyone. C:

-Usa-chan