Here it is... the battle of Azanulbizar!
I decided to do it the way Peter Jackson does it in the movie, because (sorry) they all die at once and that's a bit easier.
So rights also belong to Sir Peter Jackson.Because I read some fanfiction where Frerin dies, I needed to add that as well. I feel so sorry for everyone, I've really grown to absolutely love Frerin! I'm so sorry for killing him. Maybe I'll add flashbacks in the future just to write about Frerin again.
Thanks again for the reviews, they really make my day in a way nothing else does!
For some reason I can only see them days after they are post, sometimes a week, but I really love reading them!
So... Hope you like it =D
Battle of Azanulbizar:
'NO! NO YOU CAN'T! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO THAT!' I yell angry at my father, my eyes spitting fire. 'That is madness, a suicide mission!' I scream, ignoring the others who tried to calm me down. 'Dís…' I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn around like it was a sword and smack the hand away. The owner of the hand looks confused, since I never was like this. But this time it was really necessary. 'No, you should be helping me getting this completely idiotic plan out of father's head, instead of going with him!' I snap to my oldest brother.
'It's 'not an idiotic plan, Dís. Imagine, if we succeed! We can live in glory again, we don't will get attacked weekly by orcs, no one will die of hunger or the cold, dwarves will multiply again, we'll have a kingdom, we'll survive!' Thorin says for what feels like the hundredth time this day.
My father and grandfather had the insane idea of going to Moria, trying to reclaim the dwarf kingdom. But if they were paying attention, they knew the place would be crawling with orcs. They say that 'it wouldn't be too many' and 'if we have all the dwarves who can fight we can beat them' but I don't believe them. How could they possibly know how many orcs were there, how many deaths it will take before having the kingdom again?
So I shake my head, trying to bring sense to their minds, but they don't want to listen to me. Well, I don't want to listen to them either! I don't want to lose the only thing I've got left; friends and family. But my father, grandfather and brothers both are planning to go, and I have the feeling that my attempts to bring sense to their minds, don't help at all.
'And what if you don't succeed, hm? What than? You'll all be dead, the ones who stay here will grow weaker and eventually we're all going to die. Is that want you want? No, of course not! So why risking it? Listen to me, YOU CAN'T GO!' I protest, looking furious at each dwarf, challenging them to speak against me. Then someone did.
'Young lady, you are not the king! Thror decides what we'll do, not you. What you're doing is no use at all, and if you don't shut your mouth, you will learn to! Don't talk to this to your elders, especially not to us! Go back to your home and we will be leaving tomorrow, so I would like if you make sure that everything's ready when we're leaving. If you want to help, you can make food for us for on our way. While we are gone, your grandmother has the lead over our people, so listen to everything she says and obey her.' My father says with a very firm voice, where others might have nodded now and quickly crawled away, feeling ashamed and a bit scared.
But I growl a bit like I'm a bear, being even more furious than before? What is the most angry you can get? Well, whatever the word for that is, it's very appropriate for me now.
'I'm NOT going to help, at all! If you're so very keen on killing yourself, fine, go on! But why do my brothers have to go, hm? Why do you pull all this dwarves with you to your and grandpa's suicidal mission? We have lived here for a long time now, so what's suddenly so wrong with it that you need to go somewhere else?'
My father, who was now also really getting angry, took my wrist and looked at me with a stern look. 'I don't pull anyone in here when they don't want to fight. But don't you see, Dís? Everyone here wants to fight, fighting for a new place where we can live in peace again! It's been twenty-nine years since Smaug took over Erebor, and how many dwarves have died in those years? We need to move, Dís, if you want it or not. And we'll have to fight for a place, it's not like you can buy one and that's it. You won't live your whole live with selling jewellery. Now, go away, or I'll let someone take you away.' He finished, releasing the strong grip on my wrist.
Everyone seemed to think that I was going to step away, but don't they even know their own race, how incredibly stubborn we are? I'm a master of being stubborn, even amongst dwarves, so I won't let this just simply happen. In a furious moment, I slap my father in his face before he can step back. He makes an outraged and painful, but also surprised sound and I immediately feel two pair of arms grabbing mine, quickly pulling me back from our father. 'Dis, what are you doing?' I hear Thorin sizzle, pulling my quite far back. I look at Frerin, who was still holding my arm with a shocked look on his face. He couldn't possibly imagine that his young little sister would do that. But that young little sister had grown older, and with every year she had grown she had become more dangerous and more violent, living in a place where orcs were attacking was getting a monthly, almost weekly thing.
'Okay, maybe I wasn't supposed to do that, but he won't listen to me!' I snarl. I really wasn't suppose to do that, it just happened before I thought about it. Still, I don't feel guilty at all, even secretly pleased with myself.
But Thorin shook his head, gave my an angry look and pulled me into Frerin's arms. 'Don't let her go.' He mumbled to his brother, who hold me with another firm grip.
'I'm not a dog, I won't run away if you release me.' I snarl again, being quite pissed off with his stupid sentence. My brother helps my father, looking at the red place on his head. I was quite expecting my father to be really angry, maybe even slapping me back – but to everyone's surprise, he said: 'That was quite a good hit, Dís. Do you want to come along with us?'
My mouth drops open in surprise, and I stop struggling to get out of Frerin's arms. 'Wait, what?'
'Father?' Thorin asks a bit concerned, like my slap has given him brain damage. But it's probably just the usual reaction of a male when he's being slapped in the face.
'Well, okay, you really shouldn't have done that, but that was really good.' He says, looking at all the surprised faces.
'NO, of course I don't want to come along, and I couldn't because you're not going!' I scream, struggling myself out of my brothers grip.
The stern look on my father's face returned. 'Dís, listen to me! We are going, and I don't want any word against it! If we die, then we'll die, and that's our choice to make, not yours!'
Hearing those words, I shake my head. 'You are so selfish, you can only think about yourself. Don't you know what will happen if any of you dies? Do you think that family and friends can just get on with their live, while half of their family, maybe everyone, is murdered?' My voice turned softer while I give the real reason that I don't want them to go. Of course I want to leave this place and go to somewhere it's better, but what will the price of that freedom be? I run away before anyone can answer, pushing open the door of my fathers house, where I was summoned to about an hour ago. I have less and less hope that I can get this mad idea out of their head. Can't they just see, I simply don't want them to die! None of them, not father, not grandfather, not my brothers. The couple of friends that I have.
My heart suddenly stops a moment when my mind says the word 'friends.' Dear god, he wasn't going, was he? No, please, Mahal no… I change direction and run to a house the other way, and slam with my flat hand on the door, until someone with a shocked face opens it, a sword in his hand. 'What is it, are we being invaded, is someone dying?'
I don't answer his questions but take both his shoulders to get his full attention, looking into his blue-green eyes. 'Tell me you're not going with the others to reclaim Moria.' My voice trembles as I stare hopefully into his eyes. He returns my gaze with a confused look.
'Dís, what are you talking about?' he asks, pulling me into his house and shutting the door behind him, placing his sword in the corner. 'My father is planning to reclaim Moria with a bunch of other warriors, my brothers and grandfather. I tried to talk it out of their crazy minds but they just won't listen! Oh, Grodri, please tell me you're not going as well!' I beg.
'Easy-'
'You look like Thorin, I'm not a fricking dog!'
'Sorry. But I haven't heard about this plan, is Thraín choosing dwarves to come along with him or does everybody have to go who can fight?' He asks with a slight concern in his face.
I shrug. 'He said to me that only warriors are going if they want to go, but maybe he just said that to ease me, because I was kind of really angry. Maybe a bit furious.'
Grodri can't help to chuckle. 'Well, no, I'm not planning to go. If I can, I'll stay here, but if I'm asked I definitely will be going.'
My heart finally seems to beat again and I sigh relieved, throwing my arms around his neck.
Thank Mahal, I think when I step back. 'Can you please help me to get this insane idea out of their minds, Grodri? Thorin and Frerin are both going, and it's a suicidal mission.'
But to my big surprise, Grodri shakes his head. 'I'm sorry Dís, but I don't think I can do much. And don't you want to live somewhere else?'
I make another irritated noise. 'Men, you're all the same! Why do you all think that I don't want to live somewhere else! Of course I do, but I don't want any of you to die for that, than I'd rather stay here!' I shake my head, knowing that I'm in a lost case. They'll be walking to their own deaths.
They next day, I'm woken up by the noises of dwarves who are planning to leave. I quickly put on a dress and go outside, don't even bother to brush or braid my hair. It's still very early, but the place is full of dwarves. I try to find my brothers, but I can't see them anywhere. I bump into Gloín, surprised to see the young warrior. 'Are you coming along as well?' He nods with excitement. He was so young, I think. How could he possibly survive it? I shake that thought out of my head, continuing the search. I can only find my father, sadly.
I walk up to him, keeping my face straight. I try to speak before he can, but he is faster.
'Ah, Dís! So nice to see you again. Are you coming to say goodbye? It won't be for forever, I hope. I don't think so. The dwarves from Erebor whom we left behind on the road, who were going their own way, have been summoned as well and will also take place in this fight. That means our number is way larger, what of course means we have more change.'
I crush my teeth together not to say anything mean, and give him just an angry look. 'Where are Thorin and Frerin? I can't find them.'
'They're over there.' He points and I can see them in the distance. 'Aren't you going to say goodbye?' he asks when I had already turned around, walking towards my brothers.
'Goodbye.' I say without stopping or looking back.
I walk towards my brothers, who just said goodbye to some other dwarves. No, saying goodbye isn't the right term. Than it's like they're really are going to die, and there still was that very small, hopeless change that they weren't going to die. Grandfather and father had so much experience, and Thorin and Frerin were still so young and fit. But with less experience, an annoying voice in my mind reminds me. I shake my head to get it clear, and approach them.
'Thorin.' I say with a little nod. 'Frerin.' I say, doing the same thing. It was weird, like yesterday never happened but I usually never was really polite to my brothers. Not like this, anyway. 'Dís.' They say at the same time, giving also a nod. I move my arms around a little and shrug. 'Well, I hope this isn't goodbye forever, than.' The tension there is feels horrible, especially because this might be the last time I seen them.
'I hope so. Goodbye, Dís.' Thorin answers. I nod again, looking at Frerin.
He doesn't look at all pleased with the tension, like he's trying to break it with staring. It makes me feel even more down, and when I look back at Thorin, he's looking the same way at me. Like there's a telepathic connection between the three of us, we give each other at the same time a comforting hug. I swing one arm around Thorin's neck, the other around Frerin's, while they catch me up and bury their heads in my shoulders and hair. I finally feel for the first time since I lived here that I can let it go. The first time since we live here, I cry again. I cry for my brothers, hoping that they would make it alive. I bury my head between there two shoulders, sniffing up their familiar scent, while my shoulders shock, and my arms won't let them go. 'Please come back, alive. I'm begging the both of you. I know you can't promise. But try, try it for me.' I whisper. Because of all the events that had happened, we were so much closer than other brothers and sisters. And I'm very glad about that. I break the hug, step back, and quickly dry my tears before anyone else but my brothers notice it.
'We'll do everything we can. We're also doing this for you, Dís. So that you can live a happy life with someone one day.' I nod. Of course I know that, still I don't want them to leave. 'Hey.' Frerin lifts up my chin so we look each other in the eyes. 'Don't weep to much while we're gone, okay? Big sister.'
A sad smile crosses my face. He knows me too well. And this is the first time he called me a big sister. He probably found out yesterday, when I slapped father.
I take two small bags out of my dress, giving one to Thorin and one to Frerin. 'I made some food for you. Don't tell father, please.' They both chuckle and take the bags.
'I love you, Dís.' Frerin says and kisses my forehead. 'Love you too.' I say, sounding like a ten year-old. I turn to Thorin. 'I love you too.' I say and he kisses me on the forehead as well. 'And I love you.' They both give me a sad smile. Another final hug, and before I know it they're walking with the others out of the settlement. I walk with them a bit and keep waving until they're completely out of sight, so far away. I've never been so far away from them, so close we were. No, so we are. Even if they die, they'll be just as close with me as before, not physical but for the rest in every possible way. But I pray to Mahal, to let them all return to me.
I hobble back to the others, looking around. The atmosphere was saddened and it feels gray. Well, if you could colour it, I guess it would be gray. I see my grandmother standing on the side, now having the control of the dwarves who are left behind. She had just said goodbye to her husband and son. Somehow I always forget that my father is her son. It would terrify me to see my son or husband go to battle, with a very big change never seeing him return. The thought scares me and I try to shake it of, but somehow it stays with me. Feeling left alone, I walk around a bit, and finally head to grandma. 'Is there something I can do, grandmother?' I ask politely after a small bow. As usual, my grandmother isn't crying and it doesn't look like she had. 'No, there's nothing you can do Dís. It's still early, but start with your work. The people who made the most money went away, but they don't cost the most, so we have to work extra.'
'Of course, grandmother. I'll start immediately.' I promise. I haven't eaten yet, but I'm not at all hungry. I feel more like I want to vomit. How long would they be gone? Will I ever see them again? All these horrible questions won't get out of my mind, so I work as hard as I can. It doesn't help.
The month that they were away, I led a quite lonely existence. They were some people who were sometimes offering if they could do something for me, but I always rejected it. I don't want any company, just being alone. Maybe I'll have to spend the rest of my life like this, if they don't return. I did everything my grandmother asked of me. I felt sorry for her, and I also needed to be as busy as I could, trying to forget everything. It wasn't easy, but if I was focusing on something else it was easier to forget it. So I worked eleven hours a day, almost non-stop. I also hoped that I would be more tired, because otherwise I just simply couldn't catch sleep. The disadvantage was only that if I had a nightmare, I couldn't sleep anymore and that meant I was bloody tired the rest of the day. I never visited anyone, except for my grandmother if she needed something. All that time, I was just looking forward to the day that they would return. The only problem is that I didn't know if they would return, and that made it even more horrible.
'NO!' Thorin screams, running as fast as he could to the body he saw lying in the distance; even underneath all the mud and blood he could recognize that one person that way lying there, and seeing him like that it was breaking his heart. Another fearful scream came from him when he was kneeling next to the body. 'Frerin? Frerin, please, don't let it be true!' His voice was fearful, even after all that he had seen tonight. His grandfather is beheaded, his father has disappeared, and now his brother was lying at his knees. Dead?
But Frerin moved and he groaned painfully. He gasped for breath. 'Thorin? Are you alright?'
'Frerin, you live! Please, don't talk, you'll only make yourself tired. I'll get someone and- ' Thorin was interrupted by a weak and shore laugh from his younger brother.
'Seriously, Thorin. We both know that I'm not going to make it.' His face turned a bit sad and serious.
'Don't say that, Frerin! I won't let you go.'
Frerin shakes his head. 'You'll have to, Thorin. Remember, don't be selfish. You know who will be devastated if you're not going to be strong. Please, tell me you're alright. That's all I want to know right now, that you're okay. I'll go in peace, than. But don't lie to me! I know when you're lying, Thorin. I'm your brother, and I certainly will know it.'
'Of course you'll know that. But I'm reasonable, nothing than can't be healed. I hope so.' Thorin confesses. 'But I really don't want to let you go, Frerin!' he feels so guilty, his little brother was dying while he promised at his birth to protect him with his live. He has failed in that, and he can't forgive himself for that.
'I know you don't, and if it was the other way around I wouldn't let you go. But you need to let me go, Thorin. I know you blame yourself, but this is not your fault, do you hear me? Do you understand me as well, Thorin? I don't want to die if you will blame the rest of your live for it, for something you couldn't do anything about. Please promise me, and than I can really go in peace.'
Thorin hesitates, but he knows his little brother is right. He's always right, and the tears were streaming from his face like a waterfall. 'I promise, little brother. But I also promised to protect you with my life when you were born.'
Frerin lifts his hand, and Thorin takes it in his. 'I know, Thorin. You told me a thousand times. But that can't be promised. This can.' A smile is on his face but it quickly disappears when heavy coughs made him spit out blood. 'You're the best big brother in the world, you know that?' he says faintly before his eyes get to heavy and close. Frerin really means it, because he couldn't imagine a life without Thorin as his bigger brother, holding him when he was just a baby, having the sword fights with him that his sweet little sister loves so much. He would never forget the smiles on their faces.
Thorin takes his brother's dead body in his arms, crying and crying, wondering why he hadn't run out of tears yet, and than he cried some more.
Finally, one day, an answer came on that question. And the answer turned out to be: Only one of them would return. One whose live would never be the same, and he was about to change the life of another.
With a sigh I stand up. It's already been half past seven, and I have just finished dinner, and was about to continue with making a beautiful necklace, when someone was knocking on the door. It were slow, hard knocks. Hearing them, it made my heart jump up a little, but that couldn't be. Standing before the door, I breath deep in and out a couple of times before I open the door. It's already dark but the face of the person standing before the door was very visible because of the lamp that was hanging on the side of the small grey house.
My heart starts beating fast when I look at the person, could this be true? I was so overwhelmed, especially when I see it's really him and that I'm not dreaming, that I don't see the sadness in his face that any other person would have seen, and I too if I looked a bit closer. But I let myself fall into his arm, and (luckily) he catches me, holding onto me close like I'm his lifeline. 'Thorin… thank Mahal, it's really you! You're alive and here, with me, holding me!' I sniff, pushing him as close to me as I can, still not believing that he's real, and that I could lose him any moment if I'd let him go. But he breaks the embrace and takes both his hands in mine. 'Where are the others?' I wonder with a small smile on my face.
'Are they coming here as well, Thorin? Otherwise you should really come inside, it's cold here.' I push him already inside, but don't close the door yet.
'Dís…' I immediately freeze. I've never heard in my life such an dead tone before. I meet his eyes with a scared and afraid look. I now immediately notice the intense sadness on his face, unmistakable. I don't know if my heart stops pounding or goes faster, but I'm sure it's standing still when he speak these words. 'They're all dead. They have fallen. We're the only ones left.'
I shake my head in disbelief, suddenly getting dizzy from breathing so loud and fast. 'No, no it can't be! Grandfather, father… Frerin!'
Tears strike down Thorin's face, and this is the first time in my life that I see him crying. And it's given me a horrible feeling. Thorin wouldn't cry if it wouldn't be true…
'No!' I squeal, grasping his arms, hoping, wishing it isn't true. But I know it is. I feel the tears running freely down my face now, making weird crying noises as I sank down to the floor, Thorin following not so much later. I think about all of them, but it's Frerin, my adorable, funny, sweet, helpful, and strong brother. I look at Thorin, and seeing him broken was more than I could take. I crawl against him, trying to dry my face, but that isn't very useful when the tears are still pouring down your face. But I know the amazing band there was between my two brothers, and I need to be strong for my brother, as he had been strong for me. Like he did with me sometimes, I stroke the hair out of his face, and place my forehead against his. I try not to cry, but I can't possibly control it anymore. All those lessons trying not to cry have been a complete waste, as I'm crying so much now that together with Thorin we could foresee every dwarf with enough water, if you could drink tears. Here we are; a broken king and princess, unable to do anything else but cry.
Mahal knows how long we were crying there, until sleep caught both of us and fall into a restless sleep, full of nightmares that were scarier than all the orc attacks on our settlement together.
Daylight shines through my closed eyelids and noise fills my ears. I hear people talking, screaming and also crying. Reality hits me in a fraction of a second, and my heart drops. I blink my eyes a couple of times to get a clear sight again. I can feel my face is really very wet, and my head is resting on my only brother's shoulder. I groan and look where the daylight is coming from: Ah yes, I haven't closed the door yesterday because I was too busy with crying. I'm lying in the hallway, and I feel again that I'm trying not to cry. I stand up and look at Thorin. He's still sleeping, and his face is as wet as mine. I stand in the doorway, looking at the dwarves. There were wounded dwarves, crying dwarves, broken dwarves, sleeping dwarves and dwarves who seem to stare into the distance and ignore everything. How must we go on now? The horrible feeling inside of me grows with the second. Cold daylight falls upon my face and I turn around again, closing the door behind me. Thorin was just scrabbling onto his feet. We both look at each other with dead faces. I just heard someone from outside screaming that they did won, but nobody seems to care about it. They're to weak to travel, so one small attack and it's done with everyone.
We walk to the kitchen, both taking a seat at the table. I'm still not hungry, and I'm sure Thorin neither is. 'Do you want something to drink?' is the first thing I say, although I hate myself for saying it. It makes it look like it's a normal everyday-day, but it most certainly isn't. Thorin shakes his head, and we fall silent for some minutes.
'I buried him. Everyone one else was put on a pyre because it were so many, but I just couldn't do that, so I secretly buried him. It was the least nasty looking place, so I thought it was okay.'
I nod, but when I try to smile it only makes my almost-crying. 'It's good you did that. I'm happy you did that.' I say.
The silence falls again until I stand up. 'Maybe I can help the wounded. Are you alright with that?' I ask, and when he nods I fetch a box with bandages, and leave the house.
I help as many wounded dwarves as I can. Thorin was wounded as well, but it seemed like they already had been taken care of before they left. But some kept going open, so I tried to do as much as I could, although I didn't really know much about it, I've helped before with these sort of things and I was starting to get the hang of it.
When I'm finished I walk to someone's house, hoping everything is alright there. And I had some horrible news to tell him about his best friend. I knock on the door, a lot easier than last time, and I look at the dwarf who opens the door. Unfortunately, the dwarf looks sad. 'Who?' I asked with a thick throat.
'My father.' He answers. 'How about your family.'
'The king, his son…. And Frerin.' I look into his shocked eyes. 'Thorin did everything he could, but they have fallen. He's now the king.'
But all he could whisper was his best friend's name. 'Frerin, no. Dís, I'm so sorry.' His eyes are getting watery, and before I know it the tears are streaming down my face again. He pulls me into an embrace and tries to hush me and my shocking shoulders.
'I'm so sorry, Dís. I feel for you.'
'And I feel for you.' I answer. 'But I don't want to live like this anymore, why do they have to die, Grodri, why?' I ask with pleading eyes, like he could bring them back.
'Dís, I don't know why. But please don't stop living. I know, you're not exactly saying it, but still. You'll have to be strong.'
'I don't want to be strong! I want to sit in dark hole and cry for the rest of my live, hoping it would not take to long for it's end.'
Grodri places his hand on my shoulders with a firm grip, almost shaking me. Which is almost good, because I'm so dizzy that I feel like I'm going to faint.
'Dís, don't say that! Listen to me. You'll have to be strong, for Frerin. He's in the Halls of Waiting with Mahal now, and he looks down at you. If you would have died there, would you want you brothers to give up their live, that they keep crying until they can't do it anymore? That they bend and break? No, you wouldn't want that. And I know Frerin. And he doesn't want you to give up you life. He wants that you and Thorin continue with their live. For Frerin and for yourselves.'
I look at him in amazement, knowing he's absolutely right. Damn, he's clever.
I quickly turn around and run to my home.
'Dís?!' he yells in concern. 'Where are you going?'
'I need to tell Thorin that!'
Grodri keeps staring to me with a look of surprise on his face.
