"Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset."-- St. Francis de Sales
Part I: Chapter VI
The upper Sectors of Rukongai were said to be more lawful than the lower ones. So considering the fact that Sector 3 seemed to be getting worse and worse as Sakina walked through it, she shuddered at the thought of what the lower sectors would be like. Every time she saw someone, they either diverted attention or scowled. And every other turn of her head showed her a fight, verbal or physical. One that occurred happened so close to where she was walking that when the larger man clipped the smaller man in his chin with his fist, he flew backward right in front of her path. She jumped in surprise and grabbed the shinigami's kimono unconsciously, not from the back but at his elbow. The man was on his feet and running away faster than when he was punched, so Sakina's instinctual clinging to the strongest thing near her, for protection, only embarrassed her. She let go of his kimono and blushed. He chuckled at her, almost genuinely.
They resumed walking. "Let me as you something," he said, seemingly out of the blue.
"Okay?"
"When you become a shinigami, are you going to cling to your Captain like that whenever something surprises you?"
This time, when he laughed, it was sarcastic. Sakina blushed in anger. "No! When I become a shinigami, I will take care of myself."
"And how is that any different from now?" Before Sakina could reply, he added, "The only things they teach at that school are Kidou magic and fighting techniques. If you can't take care of yourself now, they're not going to teach you that later."
"I'm sure they taught you well then!" she retorted.
He scoffed. "I didn't go to that academy."
She raised an eyebrow. "Then how are you a shinigami?"
"I was an exception. Seireitei has those, too."
"What; you were so good at fighting that they let you in without even the entrance exam?"
He sighed. "Something like that."
She looked up at him, curiously. He was obviously not telling the whole truth. He said that he hailed from Sector 80; the last and worst place in Rukongai. A reckless fighter, he managed to atone himself just enough to get into Seireitei, bypassing not only the entrance exam but the whole of the academy, becoming a shinigami solely on his fighting ability. Never mind the fact that shinigami were supposed to be balanced warriors, relying not only on fighting skills but also intelligence and wisdom, this man must truly have been an exception after all.
"What's with that look?" he asked, seeing her face from the corner of his eye. Sakina stopped looking at him and stared at the ground. "Ah, stop worrying so much," he said. "It'll eventually make your hair fall out."
She snorted, covering her mouth with the back of her hand to stifle the laughter. She looked up at him quickly and noticed he was grinning. "Can I ask you something?" Sakina asked, still smiling.
"Eh?" He didn't turn his head or really look at her, besides from the corner of his eye.
"Why do you wear an eye patch? Is your eye cut up or something?"
"Nah," he answered, "it was created by the Research and Development Bureau in Seireitei in order to help me hold back my reiatsu."
"Hold back? Why would you want to do that?"
He grinned again. "Do you really have to ask me that?"
Admittedly, she didn't know him for very long, but she somehow knew the answer. He valued fighting above all things and was quite demonic about it, yet he wouldn't raise his weapon to a weakling unless it was self-defence. His love for fighting did not extend to them, and killing them would neither be sporty nor worth his time. So if he were to fight with someone his equal or better, in order for the fight to be sporty and fun for him, he would want to extend it for as long as possible. Since among spirits, and especially shinigami, reiatsu determines strength, his is exceptionally strong; Sakina could tell that just by walking beside him. He said that he was holding it back, and she feared what it would be if he didn't. If he were to unleash his full reiatsu, it would probably kill the weaklings and make the strong die too quickly. He would want to avoid that; hence the patch.
She lowered her head again and muttered, "No, I guess I already know why."
"Smart girl," he said, kindly, although it sounded more like a threat. He turned his head slightly, to look at her better. "It's a pity you're so helplessly weak. I would have loved to cut you up."
She raised an eyebrow. That was probably the closest thing to a compliment she could ever get from him. "Thank you, I think."
A ghost of a real smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, but then disappeared too quickly for Sakina to know whether it was real or imagined. He turned his attention back to in front of him and the next few hours were, again, walked in silence. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to him; it was simply that she didn't know what to say. For three centuries, the only person she ever spoke to was Nana Kira. Now suddenly she had a friend and didn't know what to do about it.
Wait; did she really think of him as a friend? She looked up at him as they walked. She knew him for scarcely two days. Maybe some friendships could develop out of such little time. Or maybe she was just fooling herself. As soon as they got to Seireitei, he would most likely disregard her and never have anything to do with her. Getting her from point A to point B was the only thing he agreed to do. There was no friendship in that arrangement.
However, he didn't technically agree to do anything, and he could have just left her at any point in time. Instead he went through unnecessary hardships just to protect her, not to mention the morality he bestowed upon her along the way. Those were certainly qualities of friendship, she decided.
But there was something else she felt whenever he was close; some emotion of some kind that she couldn't figure out. She felt a wave of heat every time she touched his kimono, which at first she attributed to his subconscious reiatsu. She felt like she couldn't breathe every time he laughed, whether sarcastically or otherwise. Her mouth dried up whenever she saw him grinning, especially at her. And most of all, whenever he turned to look at her, she felt a shiver up her spine, even though she wasn't cold. His eye looked deep into her soul, as if holding her prisoner, and try as she may, whenever he fixedly held her gaze, she could not break it; not until he did first. And in the meantime, small tremors would crawl around her skin, making her warm and tingly.
Those were certainly not qualities of friendship. But if not, what were they? Fear? No, that wasn't it; when Sakina was afraid, her body would feel cold, not warm. And since fear brought adrenaline, she would also gain a momentary sharpness in her mind. These unknown emotions, feelings, distracted her, making it difficult to form simple sentences, much less think clearly. She didn't know whether these were normal feeling after meeting new people or not, but she was sure that they normally couldn't have been this strong after only knowing him for two days.
She looked at his arm, barely swinging beside him as he walked. Another emotion bubbled up under the reason of her mind. It slowly ate away at her, embedding itself within her subconscious without her knowing it. It soon became a part of her, as much as breathing or her heart beating. Her brain kept trying to determine what the meaning behind the emotion was, but thinking about it merely made the emotion more powerful. It was unfamiliar, frightening, but gave her a sort of strength she never knew she had. The emotion embezzled in her brain began to open her mind's eye and replay some of her memories to her: his hand on her neck, his thumb on her windpipe, his grip on her wrist as he carted her out of her burning home. The numerous times she grabbed his kimono for protection and the warmth of his reiatsu coming from it. The emotion very badly wanted him to touch her again, or, if that was not possible, for her to touch him.
"Oy!" she heard him shout. She shook her head vigorously, getting herself out of her thoughts and back into reality. She looked at him and shiveredunder his gaze. He looked angry, but Sakina decided he always looked like that. She also realized that they had stopped walking. For how long, she couldn't guess. These unknown emotions were distracting her again. "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing; I'm fine," she quickly said. He looked at her with an eyebrow raised in disbelief, but didn't object to it.
Instead, he said, "I asked you three times if you were hungry or not."
If he had not brought it up, she wouldn't have noticed how much her stomach growled. She instinctively rubbed it. "Yeah, I guess I am."
He handed her a rice ball. Apparently, it was in his hand the whole time they were stopped, though she never noticed it until that moment. She looked at it, but didn't take it. Instead, she looked up at him and asked, "What about you?"
He snorted. "I'm not hungry."
"I don't believe that. You haven't eaten anything since I met you."
"Have you been conscious every moment since you met me? There were three instances in which you were asleep." She blushed angrily and lowered her gaze. "Just eat it, alright?"
The last part made her look up again. It sort of sounded like concern, mixed in with his usual sarcasm. She took the rice ball out of his hand and nibbled a bit at it. "Thanks," she muttered, meekly. They continued walking. She didn't look at him the whole time she was biting through the rice ball. She was grateful, also, that he decided to walk in step with her, instead of the other way around. It put less of a strain on her legs.
When she was finished, and wiped her hands on her pants, which were dustier now that she didn't have her cloak, he spoke up again, "What was so special about that picture?"
"What picture?"
"You said that when the old woman mugged you she tore up your picture. What picture? Some kind of family member or something?"
She stared at the ground. "Why would you wait so long to ask that?"
"Just something I was thinking about since your home burnt down." She grimaced at that memory. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye and added hastily, "Sorry. It's just that there were a lot of other stuff in that house you could have brought with you, but didn't. Why a picture? What's so great about it?"
"It's, um, it wasn't all that great."
"What was it?"
"Nothing special." He could see her blushing, but she was turning her head to watch a grasshopper instead of looking at him. "Just something I drew for Nana Kira."
"What was it?"
She shrugged dismissively. "I drew it when I was still very young. Nana Kira said it was the greatest thing anyone ever gave -"
"What was it?!"
"A butterfly," she answered, finally, seemingly not noticing his rise in voice. She shrugged embarrassingly again. "I like butterflies."
He blinked. "Why?"
"My home is in the country. When I was little, especially during the spring, flowers would grow everywhere. Sometimes, a butterfly would flutter in through the window and sit on my knee. It was the only thing in Rukongai that ever came into the house. It was like a connection to the outside world."
He made a disapproving noise. "That sounds like poetic nonsense."
She glared at him, her embarrassment gone. "Don't blame me if I don't have the same bleak outlook on life as you do!"
"The only people who talk like that are weaklings and philosophers. And people like me are the ones who beat them all up! Haven't you ever heard of the phrase, 'Survival of the fittest'?"
"Haven't you ever heard of the phrase, 'The meek shall inherit the earth'?"
He turned to grin at her sardonically. "After the strong are finished tearing it up by battling with each other, do you really think the earth will be worth inheriting?"
Her glare turned into impressive awe. But before he could retort on how she lost yet another argument, she decided instead to say the first thing that came to her mind, "That sounded like a philosophy. Maybe you're not as strong as you say you are."
She expected him to attack her, but he didn't. Instead, he laughed, loudly, and patted her shoulder in what he probably thought was a friendly way, although it hurt and almost made Sakina fall to the ground. The emotion that drilled into her brain flared up, but it was gone as soon as he took his hand away, leaving Sakina with a sort of empty feeling. He said, "Nice comeback! Now if only the rest of you was as strong as your mouth."
It may have been his idea of a compliment, but the way he said it made her uneasy. She looked at him curiously, but he had again put his attention on the road. Sakina raised her right hand to grip her left arm, in a gesture of uncertainty. She asked, "When, um, are we going to get to Seireitei?"
"Another day or so."
"Ah." She didn't look at him, but she could feel his eye burning her neck.
"Why do you ask?"
"Oh, uh, no reason."
He scoffed. "You're a poor liar." She didn't reply to him. He sighed; not in annoyance, but with some other emotion. "You'll see me around, if that's what you're worried about."
She looked up at him, with a quick gasp. His eye bore into hers. He grinned when he realized his guess was correct. It was more shocking to the young woman how he was able to see right into her soul and dredge up exactly what she was feeling, even if she didn't know she was feeling it herself. "I would suggest we could walk slower," he added, "but I was supposed to be back long before now. Any slower and I would get into trouble."
She tried to change the subject; keep things off of potentially dangerous topics. She asked, "Why were you even in Rukongai? I thought you didn't care about these people."
"I don't," he replied. "I was chasing a Hollow. My commanding officer told me to go, so I went."
"And you won, I take it."
He grinned. "Of course. No Hollow could ever beat me." He sighed. "Still, it would have been better if it put up more of a fight. The worse it did was tear up part of my uniform." She quickly looked him over, but didn't notice so much as a loose thread on his black, shinigami kimono. She sighed to herself and decided that it didn't matter that much. "What are you daydreaming about now?"
She looked at him and then turned away. "I'm not daydreaming."
"Oh? You always get that look on your face when you're off in your own little world."
"What look?"
"The one where you sigh and close your eyes halfway."
She blushed and focused her attention on a distant house. "I didn't know you were watching me that much."
"Just something I noticed out of the corner of my eye."
"Besides, we haven't known each other long enough for you to know what I always do."
"Tsk tsk. My, what a tongue you have. Too bad your grandmother couldn't teach you respect."
She stopped walking and glared at him. He stopped and turned completely around to face her head on. "Stop making fun of my grandmother," Sakina warned, silently.
"Or what?" he tested, grinning quite broadly. She breathed angrily, but had no way to answer. She said it to sound brave, but truly, even if she wanted to attack him, she'd just end up hurting her hand again. So instead, she just crossed her arms and said nothing. He replied, with a slow, rumbling voice, "See, I like that look much better; angry eyes, pursed lips, killing intent. It suits you much better."
She raised an eyebrow. "Killing intent? I don't have that."
"Really? If you had the chance, you wouldn't kill me?"
"No!"
"What if I was attacking you? Then would you kill me?"
Her look changed in an instant to fear. Her eyes widened with each word. "You're not going to attack me, are you?"
He snickered evilly and grabbed collar of her shirt. He leaned in next to her ear and whispered, voice filled with killing intent, "You shouldn't get too comfortable being around me. If you're naïve enough to think we could ever be friends, then I might just kill you after all."
He pulled back only slightly, so his face was in front of hers. She didn't move, save for her shivering in fear. He regarded her for a moment, keeping her gaze on him, as much as she wanted to break free of it. Then he suddenly grinned in a friendlier manner and said, "I like that look, too." After which he let her go and laughed, sarcastically, as he continued walking down the road.
Sakina felt many different emotions during and after his threat. The unknown emotion in her mind was too overcome by her fear to really do anything, but now that it was over, it started making itself known. It made the coldness of her body, wrought with fear, warm up; it replaced her adrenaline with a sort of calmness. And all the while, she wondered to herself how that emotion could blatantly ignore what just happened. Maybe it knew she was never in any real danger; that man seemed to like instilling fear in people. It probably kept him from becoming a mindless killing machine, like a Hollow.
"You coming?" he called, from ahead of her. He didn't turn around, just called. And it wasn't her, but that emotion, that made her feet move to follow him…
