And here we go again - thank you SO much to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter! Glad you're still reading and enjoying!

disclaimer: haha! Don't I wish...


Beckett's breath rushed from her lungs leaving her light headed, barely hearing the words Ryan was practically yelling to her from the speaker on her phone. Her arms went limp and the phone fell to the ground as she gasped in air. Her hands fell to her knees as she tried desperately to stay upright – to keep the blackness that was encroaching on the edges of her vision from taking over completely. She closed her eyes, took in two deep breaths filling her diaphragm, then reached down and picked up the phone with a trembling hand.

"What hospital?" She barked into the phone as she pulled her keys from her pocket, unlocked her cruiser and dropped into the driver's side. She closed the door as she ended the call with Ryan, shoved the key into the ignition and felt the engine of the car flare to life under her. She jammed her foot on the accelerator then jerked the wheel to the left barely checking her mirrors to make sure the street was clear. She forced her foot as far down as it would go as she pointed her cruiser toward the Columbia University campus.

She double parked at 113th and Amsterdam and practically fell from the car, slamming the door behind her while almost forgetting to lock it as she moved onto the campus. She noticed a cluster of flustered looking students standing on the corner and yelled to ask where the Philosophy building was. They pointed her in the right direction and she took off at a sprint dodging harried looking pedestrians. She mounted the steps to the building and began searching for the right room following the labyrinth of unfamiliar halls. When she finally reached her destination she forced herself to take a breath before opening the door quietly. She entered at the back of a large lecture hall with seats set up stadium style from the front where a chair sat in the middle of the room up to the back where she now stood. She was unnoticed until the door behind her slammed shut and every eye in the 150-seat hall turned toward her.

"Beckett?" She registered the disbelief and the slight anger still lacing his voice as she met his eyes – bright blue and questioning – from where he sat in front of the group of students. His head cocked to the side as he regarded her, no doubt trying to figure out what would make her bound into a classroom in the Columbia campus in the middle of the afternoon when he knew she was right in the middle of a case. She tried not to look at the students as she passed by them, especially when she noted Alexis' eyes on her.

"Castle, I need to talk to you." She said quietly when she reached the front of the room.

"Beckett now is really not the time…"

"It's not about last night," She leaned in closer to his ear to whisper to him, "Please." He looked more closely at her, turned toward a woman standing to his right, who Beckett assumed was the professor, and then pushed away from the chair following her to a corner of the room. She fought every impulse to lean into him and then wondered why. Why should she act like she was completely unbothered by the events that had unfolded when it was so obviously not true? But she also knew now was not the time. She met his eyes.

"Beckett…what's going on?"

"Ryan called me…"

"Ok…?"

"It's Martha." She had imagined what his reaction would be on the drive over here and it was nothing as she thought it would be. She saw the fear, the horror race across his features and settle into the clear blue of his eyes, clouding them. She noticed how the rise and fall of his chest came faster and his Adam's apple hitched in this throat as he swallowed harshly and tried to breathe.

"What…." He swallowed again, the words getting caught in his throat.

"Traffic called it in. A hit and run. When they couldn't get a hold of me they called Ryan and Espo."

"But what…" He closed his eyes and raised his hand to scrub down his face.

"She's being taken to Saint Luke's. Last anyone told Ryan she was in critical condition and unresponsive at the scene."

"Wait…" He opened his eyes and locked them on hers. "She's alive?"

"YES! Oh my god! Yes, she's alive!" He huffed out a breath and doubled over resting his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. "I'm so sorry, I should have started with that, right?"

"Yeah, maybe." He said with a slight edge to his voice. She closed her eyes and without thinking let her left hand rest on his shoulder as it rose and fell with his inhalations. The scared voice from across the room finally jolted them from their conversation.

"Dad, Kate?" Beckett turned toward the grouping of students and noticed Alexis standing near the edge closest to Beckett and Castle. The girl's face was ghostly white. Undoubtedly she had deduced something was wrong from the tone in Kate's voice and her father's dejected posture. Her eyes were wide and questioning as Castle stood carefully and walked back toward her, his mouth set in a grim line as he approached her. Before Castle reached her, Alexis spoke: "It's Gram isn't it?"

Her voice practically echoed around the stillness of the room and Castle nearly broke down at how small his grown-up daughter sounded. The resignation in her voice was something he had only heard once before when her best friend's dog had been run over by a drunk driver when she was seven. She had cried for her friend for hours.

"She's going to be fine, Alexis." Beckett said from his side. Castle had not even felt her approach behind him. But she stood strong and unflinching at his shoulder – his partner, as always.

"But…if you're here doesn't that mean…"

"No." Beckett insisted. She noticed the tone of assurance in her voice bolstered Alexis when the young woman took in a breath and straightened her shoulders.

"I…we…we need to get to the hospital." Castle stammered out as he turned toward the professor.

"Go. Alexis, just let me know how long you'll be out of class." The professor said softly as Alexis reached down to grab her bag and her books letting her gaze rest on her boyfriend, Ethan, for a moment before moving towards Castle. Beckett noticed him fumbling with his keys and she reached over to grab them from his hands.

"Saint Luke's is just a few blocks down. We'll walk."

~~X~~X~~X~~

When they walked through the glass doors into the white washed halls of the trauma center at Saint Luke's Beckett finally let herself release her grip on Castle's arm. She looked to him as he walked almost in a daze up to the counter and the slim, dark-haired nurse standing in light pink scrubs behind it. The nurse looked up when he approached but when he went to open his mouth the words would not come. He felt Beckett's presence at his side and her soft, even tone asking for information on Martha Rodgers. The nurse smiled just so and asked for identification or if she was family. He barely registered Beckett telling the nurse she was a detective with the NYPD as Beckett flashed her badge and that the people with her were Martha Rodger's son and granddaughter.

The nurse's voice was soft when she spoke telling them that Ms. Rodgers was still in surgery to repair a collapsed lung but she would have the doctor come speak to them as soon as possible. Beckett thanked her. The nurse handed a clipboard toward Castle over the desk which he took without a thought and then felt his daughter's and Beckett's hands on his arms guiding him toward the chairs lining the walls. He sat and found himself staring, unseeing, at the paperwork on the clipboard gracing his lap. Eventually he felt Beckett's hand reach over and touch the inside of his elbow lightly then take the clipboard from him. Castle registered her hand reach into his inside jacket pocket to retrieve his wallet and set about filling out the insurance forms. He heard Beckett asking Alexis for answers to the questions she did not know – family medical history and the like – and just kept reminding himself to breathe. He almost lost his mother today.

~~XX~~XX~~XX~~

He was not sure how much time had passed when he felt Alexis' fingers intertwine with his. He startled and looked up, meeting his daughter's eyes.

"Surgery's done, dad. The doctor said we can go see her now." He nodded and looked up to see Beckett standing next to an older man wearing blue scrubs under a white coat – assumed he was the doctor – and thanked the man before letting Alexis lead them both down a white washed hallway. The hall seemed dark even though he logically knew that was not true – just the subliminal effect of his mood on his surroundings. A door opened and Alexis stepped inside pulling him along with her. When he entered the room the sight nearly made him pass out. There was his mother - the stage diva Martha Rodgers who was normally so eccentric and full of life and bright colors – lying in a bed with tubes and monitors attached to her. Castle had never seen the formidable woman he had known all his life look so frail. He took a deep breath to combat the stinging behind his eyes – to keep from falling apart – as he forced his legs to move closer to the bed so he could grasp his mother's hand. He noted Alexis was already on the opposite side of the bed, Martha's hand in hers as she sat down in a chair that he did not know if she had pulled up or was already there when they entered. He turned to scour the room finding another chair and pulling it up to the bed he sat and took Martha's hand in his. For what felt like the first time in his life, he realized how small his mother was, her hand dwarfed by his own and cool to the touch due to the constant air conditioning meant to keep the hospital sterile.

A quiet knock on the door brought him out of his musings as Alexis moved to open the door. She turned toward him from the doorway and he noticed the man in blue scrubs.

"Mr. and Ms. Castle, I'm Dr. Harty. I'm the surgeon who operated on your mother and grandmother." He said as she nodded first to Castle then Alexis.

"Is she alright, doctor?" Alexis asked, her voice stronger than Castle thought possible.

"She'll be fine. We repaired a collapsed lung and set a fracture in her left leg. She has a lot of bruising and lacerations all along her left side where it appears the vehicle impacted. Some bruising on her ribs and she may have a concussion."

"When will she wake up?" Alexis asked when Castle once again failed to find his voice.

"It's unsure right now. At her age taking a hit of that magnitude should have killed her. It's honestly a miracle she's alive." Alexis' hand rose to her mouth in an attempt to try and hold in the strangled cry that flew from her mouth at the doctor's words. Castle reached out his free hand towards his daughter and grabbed the arm that was dangling by her side, squeezing it. "I have rounds to finish, but I'll be back in a couple hours to check on her. Please, let me know if you have any other questions."

"Thank you, doctor." Alexis said as the man turned and left the room, closing the door behind him. Alexis shifted her arm so her hand was resting in Castle and she squeezed it in return. Castle raised his eyes from Martha's prone form to his daughter. Starling blue eyes filled with grief and sadness met in the silence of the room – the constant beep beep beep of the monitors the only soundtrack to their horror.

~~XX~~XX~~XX~~

Kate Beckett spent the next hour after watching Castle and Alexis walk down the hallway away from her alternately pacing the waiting room and constantly shifting in a stiff chair that could not be called anything near comfortable. She was sitting with her head in her hands when she felt the soft touch of the hand on her shoulder. She lifted her head to find herself eye to eye with Alexis.

"Hey," Beckett said as she stood, stumbling slightly from moving too quickly. "How is she?"

"The doctor said she should be ok…said it's a miracle she's alive." Alexis uttered the final word with a cry in her voice. Beckett released the air from her lungs that she had not realized she was holding in and grabbed both of Alexis' hands in her own.

"How are you?" Alexis closed her eyes for a moment, took a deep breath and then looked back at Beckett.

"I'm…ok…I think."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I will be anyway. At least she's ok…that's all that matters."

"Yes it is." Beckett dropped Alexis' hands and wrapped her arms around the girl's shoulders pulling her into a hug. Alexis' wound her arms around Beckett's waist, surprising the Detective when she tightened her grip and allowed her head to rest on the older woman's shoulder. Beckett closed her eyes and let her cheek rest on Alexis' head, tightening her arms around the girl's shoulders. Beckett was not certain how much time passed before Alexis stood up straight, sniffling slightly, as she removed her arms from around Beckett and wrapped them around her own stomach like she was trying and failing to fight off a chill. Her eyes were red-rimmed.

"You should go in." Alexis said and jerked her head toward the hallway she had appeared from.

"Alexis, I don't think that's such a good idea right now."

"Look, I know that you and dad fought…but that's not important. He needs you. Whether he'll admit it or not."

"Still, this is a family thing…"

"And what do you think you are?"

"I…"

"Kate," Alexis said as she dropped her arms from her middle fixing a determined stare on Beckett. "If you honestly think we don't consider you family by now…"

"It's not that…"

"Then what?"

"I don't want to make things worse for him, Alexis."

"How can you make things worse?"

"By walking in that room and stirring up everything that's happened…" Alexis' brow furrowed and her eyes narrowed as she regarded Beckett. "There are circumstances surrounding that fight that you don't know about…"

"I know that he was looking into your mother's murder behind your back to protect you. I'm guessing that's because whoever is behind it is more powerful than you thought originally and the only way to keep you alive after being shot last year was to keep you from the case." Beckett did not need to answer Alexis, the slight widening of her eyes told her all she needed to know. "I don't know exactly what happened and I honestly…Kate, I know you probably think whatever happened to Gram is your fault. And even if it is in some way related to your mom's case…this was NOT your fault."

Alexis' fiery eyes burned into Beckett. The detective sighed and dropped her chin to her chest closing her eyes. Then her phone rang.

~~XX~~XX~~XX~~

He was sitting in the chair next to Martha's bed, head in one hand with the other holding onto his mother. The sound of the door opening barely registered in his ears. He did not look up figuring it was just Alexis coming back into the room. The soft hand running lightly through his hair was a surprise at first, then he closed his eyes and let the sensation of her touch calm him. He leaned into her touch and it nearly made her cry. She swallowed back the burning sensation behind her eyes and opened her mouth to speak. He raised his head from his hand and looked at her – his blue eyes so stark in the waning light of the room it made her heart skip a beat as she kneeled in front of him. She left her hand in his hair and placed the other on his thigh as she leaned into him. His hand came up to rest on hers on his thigh as he leaned further into her touch and his eyes fluttered shut.

"I'm so sorry…" They both said as Castle opened his eyes. Kate smiled as the tears she had been holding back fell at the misty look in his eyes.

"Castle, I…"

"Don't, Kate."

"No, I need to say this."

"Kate, everything that happened…it doesn't matter."

"Don't do that, ok?" He narrowed his eyes at her. "Don't let me off the hook. I know I have every right to be upset, but...I lied to you and you forgave me. Then I find out you lied to me and…"

"We fight, you slap me in the face and run out on me."

"Yeah." Her voice came out in little more than a whisper as her head dropped. She felt the weight of his hand leave hers as he reached toward her, placed his hand under her chin and lifted her head to look him in the eye.

"I seem to remember fighting then walking out on you after I found out that you lied."

"We are quite a pair aren't we?" She sighed as his hand moved to cup the side of her face and she closed her eyes letting her head fall into his touch.

"Oh, yeah."

"So what do we do?"

"You're asking me? You know my relationship track record."

"You know mine, too!" Kate laughed and turned her head slightly to lay a kiss on his open palm. "Maybe the first step is saying that I'm sorry I lied to you, and I'm sorry I over reacted. I do know why you did what you did, I do. I may not like it, and I may still want to throttle you a bit for it, but I do get it." She turned back to face him.

"And I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I should have said something to you. I was afraid."

"Afraid…?"

"That you would run even further into your mother's case…that you would…that you would run…from me. Can you look me in the eye right now and tell me that you wouldn't have? That if I had told you right away when you first came back to the precinct, that you would have just walked away from the case? That you would have stopped looking"

"No. I can't."

"Can you now?" His eyes bore into hers as she studied his face. She let out a breath.

"Yes. It took over a year of therapy and the thought of losing you, but…yes. I can walk away…I have."

"What do you mean?"

"Ryan and Esposito just called. They were able to track the call I intercepted on your phone to a burner cell. After some crafty police work and apparently the help of an army friend of Espo's they think they found the guy."

"Who was it?"

"I don't know."

"You didn't even ask?"

"No, I didn't."

"You honestly don't want to know who it was that would threaten you and my family?"

"Castle! I have to get some distance from this case! I know what it does to me…to us!"

"Kate…whoever that was it may be the person who ran down and tried to kill my mother this afternoon." She pursed her lips as his eyes bore into her. "Kate, please. We can do this, together. We can find the bastard who did this and put him away…and then we can move on with our lives." Without a word she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone.


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