A/N: Thank you all for reading and reviewing, it means so much to me! I would also like to thank Jimmywren13 for your nice comment and the idea about having a minion death toll for Deadpool! Ultimately, that wasn't what I went with, but you definitely inspired me!
"Is it taco night tonight?", Wade asked the voices the second he woke up. He and the spider had already had two weekends of taco night and they were closing in on their third.
Yes, Wade, it's Friday and Fridays are taco nights.
"Stop sounding so damn bitter", Deadpool said while dragging himself out of bed. He felt around for the mask an found it lodged under the mattress at the foot of the bed.
You haven't sliced anyone in weeks, dick! We're getting bored!
"Then leave, I'm sure as hell not holding you back", Wade snorted, pulling the mask over his head with a grunt. The voices held their non-existent mouths shut for once.
"Good, now I'm going to make breakfast", Wade said, but then remembered he had saved a few pancakes in a pouch somewhere on his suit. He scratched his head trying to remember as he opened pouch after pouch after pouch after pouch...There, found them! Wade stuffed his mouth with the pancakes and almost spat them back out.
"Ugh, that's rank!", he murmured, but continued eating. One gotta eat, after all.
Wade threw himself onto the sofa and flicked on the TV. He checked his phone for missions, but found none he could accomplish without killing copious amounts of people. As he watched TV, the program got interrupted by a news flash.
"Everyone in near proximity to Times Square is urged by the NYPD to stay inside. The superhero group known as the Avengers are currently fighting what seems to be aliens and team leader Captain America strongly insist that civilians stay as far away from the fight as they possibly can", the pretty woman on the screen said. They cut to a clip of the superheroes fighting the aliens. Just as there was a large explosion in the clip in the news flash, Wade could hear a large boom coming from Times Square.
"Maybe they need some help?", Wade asked the voices, his entire body itching to fight. The voices agreed. Deadpool was out the window in seconds.
"Need some help?", Wade shouted towards Cap as he stuck a small bomb to the armor of one of the aliens. It exploded into blue goo. "BOOM!", the merc shouted.
"Yes, Deadpool, we could really use your help!", Cap shouted back as he dislodged his shield from the chest of an alien. Suddenly, Spider-Man swung past them and webbed two aliens to the ground.
"Hey, webhead, is it okay if I kill these guys?", Wade snorted as he sliced at two of them with his katanas.
"They are highly hostile and aggressive, and seem to be trying to invade Earth. I'd say it's okay", Spidey shouted back at him, not finding the situation as funny as Wade did. Wade drove his katana right through the face of one of the aliens and behind him he could hear Spider-Man kicking another one. Suddenly, Wade felt a painful burning sensation in his leg. He looked down and saw that his leg was gone up to his mid-thigh. Bits and pieces of his own flesh littered the ground around him.
"What the fuck?!", he growled looking around for the assailant. He saw the alien responsible just as Spidey kicked him to the ground, mashing his head against the concrete.
"God, Wade, how are you?!", Peter suddenly forgot all about the attack they were under and webbed over to Wade to take a look at his leg.
"Spider-Man, focus on the fight!", shouted Captain America, who was still fighting close by. Spidey looked towards his team leader, then back to Wade, seeming conflicted about what he should do.
"I'll be fine, Spidey! Look, it's already growing back!", Deadpool shouted, pointing at the gross shreds that used to be his shank. Spidey didn't look entirely convinced, but returned to the fight anyway. Wade hopped over to an alien that had its back turned to him and sliced its head off, idly waiting for his leg to grow back. It did so in under a minute, and he returned to the fight killing more aliens than Cap.
"We thank you for your assistance, Pool of Dead", Thor said, shaking his hand and almost crushing it in the process.
"Happy to help", Wade said, pulling his hand back and examining it closely.
"Yeah, you should fight with us more often!", Hawkeye said, patting his back as he walked past him, bow in hand. Deadpool was starting to get at bit freaked out by all the overly nice superheroes. He was supposed to be a feared mercenary, dammit!
"Thanks for helping out, Wade", Spider-Man said, having made sure that no one was stuck under the charred pieces of building. "Are you sure you're not going to let the medics look at your leg?".
"My leg's fine, Spidey. Look", Wade pointed as he flexed his knee back and forth. Spider-Man looked as relieved as anyone could look through a mask.
"Why did you decide to help out? I thought you didn't like the Avengers?", Spidey asked as they were watching SHIELD's agents walk around the area, looking for alien technology.
"I never said I disliked the Avengers, I'm just saying that you guys are kinda pussies when it comes to the whole killing thing. And I don't like your moral codes being all restricting and shit", Wade said, knowing that Spidey wouldn't be happy hearing it.
"Wade, you said that you would do less of the killing!", the webhead protested. Wade nodded patiently.
"Yeah, and I've kept that promise, not that I like it. What I can gather from all of this is that it's okay to kill hostile aliens?", Wade turned the statement into a question. To be real honest, he didn't understand in which situations the spider thought killing was okay, and in which it wasn't. Spidey sighed, rubbing embarrassedly at the back of his head.
"This was a very special situation. These guys came out of nowhere and posed an extremely dangerous threat. Cap had to make the difficult decision to act first and ask questions later".
"...You sound like a SHIELD textbook", Wade commented, thinking that the Avengers were kinda hypocrites. Spider-Man shrugged.
"SHIELD plays a very big role in handling alien attacks, like the one you just helped fight. Director Fury and Cap discussed how to handle this, and they decided on an offensive approach", Spidey replied, looking very done with the conversation.
"Sure, whatever", Wade said, trying to remove himself from the other Avengers, simultaneously bringing Spider-Man with him.
"Where are you going, Wade?", Spidey asked, noticing that Deadpool was slowly but surely creeping away from the rest of the group of righteousness. Wade knew Spidey wasn't dumb, so he didn't even try acting innocent about it.
"Eh, y'know, I don't really feel comfortable being in the middle of your little super-gang, so I'm gonna leave now", Wade said, turning. Spidey hurried after him and put a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm going with you, if that's okay. I think we're done here anyways", he said, looking back at the SHIELD agents digging around in the rubble.
"Is taco night still on?", Wade wondered as they were walking away. Spidey was silent for a moment, but then spoke up.
"Is it okay with tacos from a food truck? I haven't had the time to prepare anything and it's getting kinda late", Spider-Man said, sounding genuinely tired. Wade decided against whining about not getting home made tacos. He was starting to get spoiled anyway.
"These tacos are kinda decent", Wade said approvingly, stuffing his mouth with food. They were sitting in Peter's apartment, having bought tacos from a food truck Spidey had told him had delicious food.
"Kinda decent?", Peter chuckled, having already finished the, according to Wade, frighteningly small amount of tacos he had bought. Peter had reminded him that not everyone ate an entire month's worth of tacos in one night, and Wade had had to agree.
"Yeah, I've had better, but these are pretty good", Wade said, looking up at Peter. The merc frowned when he noticed that the hero had a dab of sauce on his cheek, close to his mouth. Before the voices even had the time to shout at him to not do it, he had already instinctively reached forward and wiped the sauce away with his thumb. Peter blushed an impressively deep shade of red that reached from his neck up to his hairline. Wade had already licked the sauce from his thumb before registering what the heck he was doing. He blushed as well, all though not as profusely, and not as noticeable on his scarred face.
You fucked up now...
Deadpool fought the impulse to tell the voice to fuck off. Instead, he looked back at Peter, who still sat silent.
"...Sorry?", Wade said, not having been in this kind of awkward-tension-situation before, and therefore having no clue as how to handle it. Peter cleared his throat quietly and looked down at his hands before speaking.
"It's okay", he said to his hands more than to Wade. They both stayed silent for another couple of minutes. Wade, suddenly having lost his appetite, squinted angrily at the taco still on his plate, as if to reprimand it for its escape-prone sauce.
"Don't you want it?", Peter asked suddenly, gesturing at Wade's remaining food. Wade shrugged.
"I think I overestimated my eating capacity", he said, looking at the taco and idly wondering if the polite thing to do would be to offer the food to Peter. The spider suddenly started laughing and Wade's head whipped up to look at him.
"Sorry, it's just that you normally eat about twelve tacos every time you're here, and now you're suddenly full?", he laughed, looking adorable. Wade gripped the edge of the table to stop himself from doing anything rash and overly sappy.
"...I ate before coming here", Wade mumbled, hearing how stupid it sounded, it being hours since he was home.
"It's okay, Wade. I can save it in the fridge and you can eat it later if you want to", Peter said, standing up. He put plastic wrap around Wade's plate and put it in the fridge, then proceeded to put his own plate in the sink. He sat back down on the chair, regarding Wade curiously. Wade, in a bout of stubbornness, stared back. Peter sighed, shaking his head, making Wade frown confusedly.
"What?", he asked, idly considering to maybe just leave.
"You're acting strangely", Peter told him, and Deadpool laughed, breaking the awkwardness of the situation.
"Newsflash, Petey, I'm always acting strangely. Just ask anyone who's ever heard of me", Wade grinned, watching Peter starting to smile as well. Suddenly, Wade's cellphone started blasting "Barbie Girl" at full volume. Peter raised an eyebrow as Wade found the phone in one of his pouches. Wade looked at the screen to see that caller had an hidden number, nothing he wasn't used to. He answered.
"Deadpool", he said, shortly, not wanting to be distracted from taco night. The caller told him that he was Agent blah-blah from SHIELD and Wade almost hung up, because SHIELD was NOT worth his attention.
"Before you hang up, as I know you're about to do, I would like to tell you that director Fury has proposed an agreement", the male voice said, piquing Wade's interest.
"...Go on", he said, doubtfully.
"It has come to our attention that you're trying to stop killing in your missions as a mercenary", the man began. Deadpool looked suspiciously at Spidey, who tried his best to look innocent. The agent continued talking.
"As of late, SHIELD has been having a shortage in agents who are qualified for assassination missions, and after careful consideration, director Fury decided that we should contact you", the agent said, very obviously trying his best to sound like he had a stick up his ass.
"How many fucking times to I have to tell your organization of asshats that I don't want to work for SHIELD? I'm not one of your fucking heroes, neither do I want to be!", Wade said, trying to remain his composure solely because Peter was in the room. Otherwise, profanities would be shouted and tables would be flying.
"We're not proposing that you should work for SHIELD, or with the Avengers. We're offering an agreement where SHIELD can hire you on assassination missions. In exchange for money, of course", he added quickly. Wade was almost a bit taken aback, but answered.
"Nothing permanent, then? Just 'shoot this guy and here's your money'?", he asked, just to be completely sure. One never knew with SHIELD and their evil ulterior motives.
"Nothing permanent", the agent assured. "Although, one of the requirements is that you aren't allowed to accept any assassination missions outside of SHIELD. And you have to accept at least two SHIELD missions a month for the agreement to remain", the agent continued. Deadpool's eyebrows shot up.
"So I can continue with illegal missions outside of the SHIELD missions, as long as they aren't stabby stab missions?", Wade asked, thinking SHIELD had to be pretty damn desperate to agree to a deal like that.
"That's correct. If you accept the agreement, please book an appointment to see director Fury within the next week", the agent rushed, apparently not comfortable with talking to Wade any longer.
"Will do! Bye, sweetie", Wade said in a singsong voice before hanging up. He looked at Peter, who had been quiet for the entire call.
"Good news?", he asked, when he saw Wade's expression.
"Baby boy, I'd never ever thought I would say this, but SHIELD isn't fully made up of horse shit and asswipes", Wade said, putting his phone back in the pouch he had found it.
"That's good..., right?", Peter said, dubiously. Wade nodded enthusiastically.
"They offered to hire me for assassination missions! That's okay, right?", he asked, suddenly apprehensive that Peter still wouldn't think it to be okay. To his relief, Peter nodded slowly.
"I guess so, SHIELD mission are definitely more controlled and thought-through than the missions you usually get from various gangs and thugs", Peter said, smiling at Wade.
"Hey, my missions are thought-through!", Wade laughed, and moved around the table to shove at Spidey, playfully. Peter didn't budge, but looked up at Wade and snorted at his pathetic attempts. Then, he looked serious again, but still with a smile.
"I'm happy for you, Wade", he said, looking incredibly sincere. Wade reached down and pressed his lips against Peter's.
