Rachel
Ax was off on a sweep of the mountains with Loren, still on the hunt for wherever the Yeerks were training up Hork-Bajir-Controllers. I managed to sneak off before Jake could assign me yet another patrol, and took my chance to hit up Ax's scoop, with its sweet sweet cable and Internet connection.
On my flight out from the valley, Abi and I thought about what it was like to infest Cassie. It was hard not to think about it. She had this deep well of patience and focus inside her that was easy to notice because of how much I didn't have it. Tobias has something like that too. Maybe everyone has it except for us, Abi thought, and that's why we can't stop doing all the reckless bullshit our brain comes up with. They can just toss all that stuff in the well.
The other thing I couldn't stop thinking about – except, of course, my mom in Michelle's place, on a nice endless loop in my nightmares – was the way Cassie thought about Sub-Visser One-Ninety-Eight. She didn't think, What is this slug going to do to my mom's brain, or What does it do with the hands that held me. She thought, Is she a good person, and Can I trust her with someone I love?
I've been a Yeerk half a dozen times now, and I still have a hard time thinking about them that way. Like they're just people who happen to be brain parasites.
It's hard to spot the scoop from above, with its woven vine roof, even if you're an eagle. But I'd been there enough times to meet up with Tobias that I could pick it out. Abineng had to duck his head so his horns wouldn't destroy the entrance. Then he folded his legs and chilled out on the ground so there was no chance he'd tear up the roof.
I logged on the Internet first. Ax's connection is better than any I've used – you don't have to sit there for a whole minute listening to the dial-up. Then I went to the website of the network my dad worked for. He wasn't on the list of reporters anymore. I went to his old network in California and looked for his name. There was a small item on the website welcoming back Dan Berenson to their team.
I logged off the computer, sat cross-legged with my back against Abi's flank, and turned on the TV.
He wasn't on right away. I had to sit through a feature about the rise of identity theft first. Ha. Try losing your credit score, your bank account, and all control of your body to an alien. Then there was some more crap about Monica Lewinsky, like I cared about who did or didn't suck the president's dick. And then – it was him.
He had Gheselle on a high stool next to him, like he always did during broadcasts – "if I'm sitting at his feet, no one will be able to see me, and that's just creepy," as Ghes liked to put it. And he was doing a fucking puff piece on the Sharing. On "Community for Every Body," the program that was infesting Loren's blind friends.
"Half of all disabled people in Santa Barbara live below the poverty line," Dad said. "They need support to help them navigate the bureaucracy and get the benefits they need. They need vocational classes and career counseling. The Sharing is on the case."
"He's a Controller," Abi said. "They're using him as bait. They want you to track him down and attack him."
I ground my teeth. "It's working."
There were footsteps outside the scoop – Andalite footsteps. I turned off the TV. "It's me," I shouted, before Ax started freaking out about an intruder in his scoop.
He came in with his tail blade high, but not ready-to-behead-someone high. He looked tired, and some other emotion I couldn't read, though Tobias would have been able to. «Ah. There you are. Prince Jake wishes to speak with you. Loren and I have found a Hork-Bajir training facility. We must investigate it more deeply.» His stalk eyes lingered on me a little longer than usual in their constant sweep of the scoop. «What are you doing here?»
"Watching TV," I said. "I needed a break."
«I would prefer if you asked me for permission first,» Ax said stiffly.
"You know, I could have done that," I said, "but you're on my shit list right now, so I decided I didn't care."
If Ax got any stiffer, he was going to fall over like a plank of wood. «What is a 'shit list'?»
"It's the list I put you on when my boyfriend loves you and you decide your friendship isn't worth a flying fuck to you anymore."
«What do you know of our friendship?» Ax said coldly. «It means a great deal to me, or else his behavior would not cause me such concern.»
"I know a lot about it, actually, since I've been inside his head," I shot back. His flinch when I said that was so satisfying. I needed to make him do it again. "You and Loren completely turned his world around, you know. You finally made him feel like he was worth something. He never had a family, and you gave him one. And now you've tossed him aside like garbage, and for what? For doing something I asked him to do that doesn't actually hurt anybody!"
«And what does your mother think?» Ax said.
I spluttered. "Excuse me?"
«You speak of my family. What of yours? What does your mother think of the way you and Tobias have infested each other?»
"Fuck you, Ax, you don't know shit about my mom, how dare you bring her into this!"
«So you have not told your mother,» Ax said. «Why not, if this is a normal courtship behavior you are not ashamed of? If you believe this is an appropriate way to treat your beloved, and you lack the courage to tell your mother yourself, perhaps I should do so. It is important to keep one's parents informed of major changes in relationship status.»
"Oh, so I guess you've told your mom about all your family's 'major changes in relationship status,'" I shouted. Abineng and I got to our feet, making the space much smaller with Abi's full bulk. "Nabbed yourself another Z-space transponder, huh? Broke into the observatory again? 'Hi, Mom, your big hero son fled the war and got it on with a primitive human. I know, gross, right? So anyway, now I have a secret nephew who I treat like shit every time he does something that freaks me out a little bit.'"
«Of course I would tell my parents if I could! I am not ashamed of Elfangor or Tobias!»
"I cannot believe the words that are coming out of your brain," I screamed. Beside me, Abineng snorted and gouged at the ground with his hoof. "Of course you're ashamed of Tobias! You treat him like a big Yeerk-shaped turd in your grass!" My hand tightened in Abineng's mane. I could feel anger radiating off him like heat, like a furnace about to explode. Ax swept his tail up in a position that meant he was preparing for a fight.
I wish Tobias were infesting us right now, Abi thought. He'd tell me – he'd make it stop – he'd –
"You know what," I said suddenly. "Tobias taught me better than this. When he was inside my brain. Being a Yeerk." And I grabbed Abi by the neck and half-dragged him out of Ax's scoop.
"Let's find Cassie," I told Abi, focusing on the bald eagle inside me. "We need to rescue Dad."
Fei Chiang and Sui Mu
Infested by Niss 79 in May '98
Usually, our reporters aren't the ones who get interviewed. Then again, our reporters usually aren't directly affected by a top news story.
And, of course, it was awfully convenient for my alien overlords if Dan Berenson made an emotional plea on the local news for people to come forward with any information they might have about his missing family: ex-wife, daughters, brother, sister-in-law, and nephew. Which was why it was my and Niss's job to produce and edit the segment for maximum impact.
As the Sharing's plant in the local news, I've had to do a lot of things I wish I hadn't. But watching Essa 283 tear up and talk about how much he missed his daughter Rachel made me want to shower for the rest of the day. Maybe even the week.
«It's not going to work anyway,» Niss pointed out. «Those kids have been hiding themselves and whoever else they want for ages now. Do they think Jane Doe watching this show is going to stumble on their secret hideout? This isn't one of those Batman cartoons Mary used to watch.»
Dan cradled his cat dæmon to his chest. "My ex-wife Naomi is an amazing woman, and a great mother to our children. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to her."
Essa 283 was right about that. After the practice when Mary sprained her ankle on the dismount from the balance beam, Naomi gave me the number of the doctor who'd treated Rachel when she'd had the same injury, and called me later to check how the ankle was healing. I hadn't gone to the doctor Naomi recommended, though. I'd gone to the doctor with no co-pays covered by my health care plan as a full member of the Sharing, and that goddamn traitor infested my daughter without consulting me and Niss first. I'd told her about Niss, but when she asked if she could have a Yeerk, I told her she was too young, and maybe when she was older I'd find a Peace Movement partner for her. But I'd waited too long, the decision had been made for me, and Mary was a slave to a petty tyrant of a Yeerk.
"Do you think the disappearance of your family might be connected to the other ongoing missing persons cases in Santa Barbara?" said the host interviewing Dan.
"I don't know, Remy. I just don't know. It could be – "
The wall of the studio imploded. I screamed, dropped to the floor, and curled up in a ball around the lanyard hanging from my neck. There was a trumpeting sound that made the air shake and lash against my body. It was a good thing that I'd kept Sui Mu in his case on my lanyard today. The elephant's trumpet alone would have flung him too far away from me. This was no situation for an Indian jumping ant dæmon.
«The children,» Niss said. «This has to be Rachel coming for her father.»
«Oh no,» Sui Mu moaned. «Does she know about his escort?»
All around me there was screaming and stomping and the smell of crumbled Sheetrock. I scrambled to my feet. There was a dark stain on my dress. «Some broken glass nicked you, but I'm numbing the pain,» Niss explained. «It's not so bad.»
«Mary picked out this dress for me,» I said numbly. «She said it shows off my shoulders.» I still wore it any chance I could, though her workaholic Yeerk, Carger 1929, couldn't care less what I wore. Now it was ruined.
There were downed lights and cameras everywhere, though some of them were still rolling. That'll cost the studio thousands, I thought distantly. There was so much dust in the air from the pulverized walls that everything was both far away and right in front of my face, like a nightmare I only half-remembered but still gave me the shivers when I woke. An elephant and a moose rampaged through the studio, flattening the set, crunching bones, taking gunfire from Essa's armed escort – they didn't dare use Dracon beams while the cameras were on. One of the cameramen, who wasn't a Controller and had no idea what was going on, lay on the ground near me, his eyes dazed and uneven from a concussion.
«You can't hide forever, you piece of shit Yeerk!»
I trembled. I knew that voice. It was Rachel. She had done this. It was so hard to reconcile with the tall beautiful girl who'd spun around the uneven bars with Mary.
«Wouldn't you do the same to save Mary from Carger 1929?» Sui Mu said. «If you could?»
The dust was starting to settle. The elephant's left ear was lying on the ground, oozing blood. She was covered in burns and gashes, but she didn't seem to care. She was tossing around wrecked equipment, destroying cover, looking for wherever Essa 283 had hidden, while the moose held off all comers with its tree-trunk legs. In my head, Niss counted. Three of Essa's escort fighting the moose. Two on the ground, their bodies shattered by the terrible force of the two animals. «There are six in Essa's escort,» she said. «I don't see Estril. The sharpshooter.» She started searching the studio for her. I let her. I couldn't think of anything else to do.
«Aha!» Rachel cried, hoisting her father and his cat dæmon over her head with her trunk while Essa struggled uselessly in her grip. «Gotcha!»
Niss found Estril. A shock of fear froze me to the spot at the sight of her. She was taking cover behind one of the white sheets we use to diffuse the studio lights. She was well known to be a crack shot, especially with this host body, Wunmi, who had an eagle dæmon's eyes to peer through the scope. She aimed her rifle at Rachel's eye. It would go straight through to her brain.
«No,» Niss whispered in my mind. «No, don't do it, Fei, please – »
She could have stopped me. She was a Yeerk, and I was her host. It would have been easy. But she let me make my choice, even though it sealed her fate as well as mine. "Rachel!" I cried. "On your right! Look out!" And I flung myself against Estril.
I'm not a powerful gymnast like my daughter. I'm five foot nothing and weigh a hundred pounds soaking wet. I had no chance of doing broad, tough Wunmi any harm. But I distracted her, and warned Rachel, and that was enough. Rachel and her companion started to beat a retreat. Estril screamed and shoved me away. "Traitor! Andalite-loving scum!"
It is a terrible thing to look down the barrel of a rifle that's about to fire on you. I would have died paralyzed and silent if it hadn't been for Niss. She fought against my body's freeze response and shouted, "Rachel! Mary Chiang! Please, please, you have to help her!"
«I don't know if she heard that,» Niss said. «Fei, my dearest Fei. I am so sorry I couldn't save Mary. Maybe Rachel can.»
«It's not your fault, Niss,» Sui Mu said. «Thank you for everything. I – »
Estril gave a primal cry of rage, and fired.
It was a terrible thing that I'd kept Sui Mu in his case on my lanyard today. I would have liked to hold him one last time –
Rachel
We ran full tilt through the streets, counting on the crowds to keep the Controllers from spraying us with gunfire. Gheselle was clawing and biting at my trunk, but I ignored it. It was like a gnat bite compared to the line of liquid fire where my left ear was supposed to be. «Where do we go?» I shouted at Cassie.
«Get to cover!» she cried. «There's some woods at Stevens Park!»
A moose and an elephant can really book it. We crashed into the park at full speed, scattering picnickers everywhere. Once we got under trees, Cassie demorphed at warp speed. "Can you lower him? I can't reach."
"Put me down!" Dad – or the Yeerk pretending to be Dad – screamed. "I don't know what you are or why you're doing this, but please don't hurt me!"
I lowered him, though not enough that he could come close to touching the ground. Cassie reached up and touched his neck, then did this really cool thing where she morphed upward, toward her hand. Her body crumpled and hardened and shrank from her feet up to her hand. I couldn't really see much more than that with elephant eyes, but I knew what she'd morphed.
«I'm going to need you to cooperate, or I'm going to have to bite you on the neck,» Cassie said calmly.
"I don't know what you're talking about!"
«Do you think I'm making empty threats? Don't test me, Yeerk.»
The Yeerk dropped the ruse. "You are making empty threats! I'm her father! You won't kill me!"
«I'm a black widow, not a coral snake,» Cassie explained patiently. «My bite won't kill you if I don't want it to. It'll just make you swell up and hurt like hell. I think Dan can handle a few days of pain and limited movement in exchange for his freedom.» The Yeerk went slack in my grip. «Okay. Very good. Now, Rachel, put him down and demorph before someone figures out what to do about the elephant in Stevens Park.»
I put him down and demorphed. Then I went to wolf, so any passersby would mistake me for a dog, but I could still stop the Yeerk if I needed to. The Yeerk's eyes went wide when he saw my human form, with Abi standing tall and proud beside me. I ignored him. «All right,» I told Cassie. «Let's starve this motherfucker.»
«There's no need for that,» Cassie said. «Not if our Yeerk friend here behaves. What's your name?»
"Essa 283," the Yeerk said. In his arms, Gheselle bared her teeth and yowled. I'd never seen her do anything like that before. Even during my parents' divorce when they were yelling at each other every night, she never went in for anything harsher than a rumbly growl.
«What have you heard about the forty Yeerks we rescued from your Pool?» Cassie said.
"You kidnapped them," Essa 283 said. "Probably tortured them for information."
«And why would we do that? Those forty Yeerks were twenty children and twenty Peace Movement members, as I'm sure you've heard. Not exactly high-value intelligence assets. We didn't torture them at all, Essa 283. We have a Kandrona generator. They're living in a Yeerk Pool of their very own. So we're offering you a choice. You can make this easy on yourself, and join your fellows in their off-grid Yeerk Pool. Or you can make this hard on yourself, and we starve you to death.»
"I don't believe you," Essa 283 said. "I know Rachel. She'll be furious I took her father from her. She'll want payback."
«Oh, I do,» I said. «If it were up to me, I'd watch you starve with a tub of popcorn. But Cassie's the one making the decisions around here. I'll back her play, whatever it is.»
«I can prove it to you,» Cassie said. «I'll show you the Pool. You might as well come along. You have nothing to lose.»
"Fine," Essa growled. "Show me."
Cassie demorphed. When she was human, Essa made a grab for her. I snarled, leapt, and pinned him to the ground with my paws on his chest. I snapped my teeth in his face. «You idiot,» I sneered. «You have my father's memories. You know what I'm like. Did you really think I wouldn't do anything it took to set him free?»
He went very still underneath me. He still smelled like the aftershave my dad always uses, to the wolf's keen nose. Beside me, Cassie did her weird partway morph between the two of us and ran for a pay phone.
When I finally had a moment to think, it washed over me like an ice bath. That woman, who looked vaguely familiar. Who'd saved my life, then died for it at the hands of another Controller. The name she'd screamed in her last moment, Mary Chiang. I know that name, Abi said. She's on the gymnastics team.
What happened to her? I wondered. Oh my God – that was her mom. I remember her picking Mary up after practice. She gave her life because she thought we could save Mary. From what?
"You're shaking," Essa 283 mocked with my dad's smooth announcer voice. "Scared, Rachel? Thinking about my people looking for you?"
I snapped my teeth again. «You really are shit-for-brains, aren't you? I'd love to have some more of your people here. I have a lot of anger I need to manage right now.»
Essa 283 gritted his teeth, and something landed on my back, clawing and yowling. Gheselle! I shook myself like a wet dog to fling her off, and flinched at her high-pitched cry when she hit the ground. In my moment of distraction, my dad's body thrashed under me. I knocked him to the ground again, bringing my weight to bear. Cassie came up behind me. "Lourdes is on her way."
«Good,» I said. «Can you morph wolf too? This Yeerk is a pain in my ass.»
Between two wolves, Essa stopped struggling. Cassie said to me in private thought-speech, «I can't stop thinking about that woman who saved you. She knew who you were. She had to be a Peace Movement Controller. Do you know who she is?»
«She's the mom of a girl on my gymnastics team. That's the one she begged me to help. Mary Chiang.» Suddenly, it hit me. «Oh. That's why she thought I could help. She's a Peace Movement Controller, but Mary isn't. Her Yeerk is loyal. It's like Melissa and her parents, but the other way around.»
«Oh,» Cassie said, and that one word was all I needed to know she was heartbroken. Maybe I was, too. It's so hard to find my feelings, sometimes, in the constant screaming tide of anger.
«I hope we can help her,» Quincy went on.
«We abducted my dad live on TV,» I said gloomily. «Jake is never letting us do a rescue mission ever again.»
Cassie whuffed a wolfy laugh. «No kidding. He's gonna rake us over the coals. Maybe Bachu and the Peace Movement can help? Oh. There's Lourdes.»
Without saying a word, Lourdes came over, hauled my dad to his feet, and dragged him along by the arm. We followed on his heels out of the woods like a couple of loyal pets next to Lourdes' Afghan hound dæmon. «Be a good boy!» I told Essa, lolling my tongue out and wagging my tail. To Lourdes, privately, I said, «Smart move. Show him how badass strong you are, don't give him any hint you're nonviolent. Love it.»
Lourdes flung him in the backseat of her car, with a growl from her hound dæmon. We jumped in on either side of him. "Who is this?" Essa said, eyes narrowed.
«Nunya,» I said brightly. «Nunya Beeswax. She's an old friend of ours.»
When we got out of the car, Essa tried to make a break for it, again. Cassie tackled him to the ground, Lourdes hauled him up again, and I snapped at his heels all the way inside. When we took the elevator to the secret basement, it finally sunk in that we weren't bullshitting him. He stared at the Aftran Plisam Pool, totally dumbstruck. "There were rumors," he said. "But I never thought…"
«We should probably ask permission first, shouldn't we,» Cassie said, as if the Yeerk hadn't spoken. «Maybe they don't want an Empire loyalist in there. I wouldn't blame them. Lourdes, can you do the honors?»
"No problem," Lourdes said, beaming. "I had more fun today than I've had in ages. That Yeerk is really scared of me!"
«Of course he is, you're a badass,» I said. Lourdes is a weirdly angry Chee. Maybe that's why we get along so well.
Lourdes stuck her hand in the Pool water. After a minute, she said, "Go right ahead."
«Um, hang on,» Cassie said. «Do they… know about us?»
After a pause, Lourdes said, "Yes. Tobias came to visit. He brought them up to speed. I don't think they know your name specifically, though."
«Hello, Aftran Plisam Pool,» Cassie said, while I paced a very tight circle around Dad. «I'm Cassie. One of the Animorphs. Aftran 942's friend. You may have heard of me in her story about the Iskoort. I'm here because my friend Rachel's dad got captured and infested by the Empire. We got him back, but we have to do something about his Yeerk, Essa 283. Would you guys be okay with taking him in? He's a full on conqueror, rah-rah Empire kind of Yeerk, so I'd understand if that's kind of an imposition.»
Lourdes listened to the Pool. "They just want to be clear – the alternative is killing him, right?"
«Yes,» I said. «If you don't want him, we've got that covered.»
"Then they say of course they'll take him," Lourdes said. "They're very vocal on that point."
Cassie looked at Essa 283. «So. What do you say, Essa? Would you rather die than live with Yeerks who embrace peace?»
Essa sneered. "They're pathetic. They chose to live under human control."
I glared at him. The Peace Movement Controller who'd died for me today had been way less pathetic than Essa's sorry boot-licking ass.
«Some humans choose to live under Yeerk control,» Cassie said. «That doesn't make them pathetic. Acceptance isn't the same as surrender. As usual, things are more complicated than the Empire makes it seem.»
Essa's eyes flashed. But he walked up to the Yeerk Pool, knelt on the ramp, and slipped out of my Dad's ear into the sludge.
Dad went limp on the Pool's edge. Lourdes had to grab him to keep him from falling. I demorphed and rushed to his side. "Dad. Dad. It's me. It's Rachel. Are you okay?"
Gheselle crawled to the edge of the ramp and looked up at Abineng. She reached out a paw and batted at his nose. "Abi. Sweetheart. Oh. You came for me."
I ran a hand through Dad's salt and pepper hair. "I'm sorry I had to hurt you, Dad."
Dad clutched at me, trembling. "You got him out. You got him out. Oh, thank God."
I held him for a while nad let him ride it out. He'd done the same thing for me, when I'd cried over the divorce. Now it was my turn.
Lourdes took us up to the valley under hologram cover. I told Dad a little about the Animorphs, and how we'd rescued Mom and Jordan and Sara. He was still badly shaken. I had to ride along with him in rat morph while Lourdes carried him down the ravine into the valley, distracting him with the stupid story of how Cassie and I had acquired the rats in the first place.
Jake was waiting for us at the bottom. Cassie had been the one to break it to him, saving my ass yet again. Or maybe not. Merlyse was glaring bloody murder at me with snowy owl eyes, but Jake kept it under control for my dad. I wasn't sure if my mom was the best person for him right now, but at least she was a familiar face, and Jordan and Sara would definitely make him smile. I delivered him to them, and watched Dad sink to the floor with Jordan and Sara on top of him, their dæmons all cats in a purring pile on a bed, while Mom looked on fondly.
Jake came and stood next to me in the entrance to the yurt, Merlyse on his shoulder as a jay like Caedhren, but gray instead of his blue. "What did you do," he said, resigned. He looked about a million years old, and I suddenly realized what I'd done to him. What I'd done to Mary Chiang's mother.
I felt exhausted and sick. "Ugh. Just go to Ax's scoop and watch it on the news."
"The news?" Jake whisper-screamed. Merlyse made a choked croaking noise in her throat.
"Yeah, he was in the studio. We thought it'd keep the Yeerks from doing anything too crazy if they were doing it on live television. Look, it doesn't matter, does it? They know who we are."
"It matters," Jake insisted. "If we take this war into the open, they might do it too, and then it's game over."
"Skip the lecture," I said. "I know it was stupid. A woman died today. A Peace Movement Controller. She saved me from a Yeerk sniper. Then the sniper killed her for it. She died begging me to save her daughter from the Empire." I leaned back against Abi's neck, warm and waiting for me. "It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't gone riding in there to the rescue. Now I have to live with it. So yeah, I've learned my lesson, Jake."
"Have you, Rachel?" Jake said, turning all of his heavy focus on me. "Because Tom's going off the rails already. I can't deal with two people in this valley abusing the morphing power. I'm happy to see Uncle Dan again. You know that. But we have an important mission tomorrow rescuing Hork-Bajir-Controllers. Including little kids they're keeping in a pen, like pigs. And if you go off-script and get some Hork-Bajir kids killed…" Merlyse half-tucked her face under her wing. "Maybe you can live with that. I know I couldn't."
That stung me. Did Jake really think I wouldn't care if I put the lives of Hork-Bajir kids at risk?
It wasn't as if we didn't know we could get employees at the news station killed, Abi pointed out, Ms. Chiang's dying scream echoing in my ears again, and we raided the studio anyway.
I should have brought Tobias along in my head, I thought miserably. I can't trust my own brain without him in it. But Tobias needs to come on the mission too, in his own body.
"You won't need to worry about me," I said, a little shakily, hoping it was true. "I'll stay on the mission."
