Edward.
My heart. I held it between my fingers, letting it dangle continuously back and fourth in front of my face. My heightened sense of sight allowed me to view every error that would've been etched into my heart, but I could find none. Bella had left my heart without a scratch .. until now, that is. It was clearly damaged. It was cracked, and on the verge of breaking. Though it wasn't visible, I could feel it. As I held the small golden ring between my fingers, I felt the immense amount of damage that radiated off of it. And even now, as I held it perfectly still and safe, the breaking continued. Though the owner had returned it to me, I couldn't place the blame on her. The reason my heart was damaged was because of my own actions.
I had watched in blatant agony as Bella pushed the fragile necklace into Alice's hands, closing her fingers around it to secure it before turning on her heel and stumbling away. I instinctively moved my chair back, making a beeline for her as she reached the door, but Alice pushed me back down into my seat. I wasn't going to make a scene in a cafeteria full of ridiculous, gossiping teenagers, so I obeyed. Now as I sat quietly, impatiently waiting for the bell to sound, I argued the options that I had.
One, I could keep the necklace and leave everything the way it was now. Bella would continue to despise and avoid me, but at least she would be safe in the process. Her negative attitude towards me would pain me every second, but opportunity cost. I'd much rather see her hate me, than see her dead.
Two, I could go against every boundary and limit I was setting for myself, and define reality. I could befriend her, and keep us both happy at the same time. If I kept her at a healthy distance, I'm sure I'd learn to get used to the raw burning sensation in my throat that erupted every time she inhaled a breath. I could return my heart to her, if she'd want it. It didn't belong with me. Even now, clutching it gently in my fist, it felt wrong.
Of course, I preferred option two so much more than option one. Though the idea of Bella being safe was so comforting, the idea of her hating me wasn't so pleasant. Every part of me was screaming for option two. It was a joyous idea, that the two of us would be together. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to accept it. Even if I did learn to control my thirst to be around her, it would be a constant game of chance. I wasn't about to risk her life to keep me happy.
Stop moping. The bell has rung. But you should hang out in the car. You're blood-typing in Banner's class. Unless you feel like a massacre, I suggest you avoid class. I nodded to Alice, and rose from my seat. I avoided the mass crowd of students who messily filed out of the cafeteria doors that led to the cramped hallways, and fled from the fire exit door. Once in my Volvo, I leaned against the seat, my eyelids closing. Oh, Bella .. out of all the places to have an uncle .. why Forks? I was torn. I was struggling with my decisions. Though I've never been one to care this much for humans, every step I took with Bella had to be heavily examined. This was a weary and dangerous situation, and I had to be more than cautious with my actions.
I couldn't erase the elated feeling that had taken a permanent spot in my body since she arrived. Though it had only been a few days, I was feeling more alive, rejuvenated and satisfied with just knowing that Bella was close enough for me to watch over.
For the next hour, I let the enthralling sounds of Debussy pour through the car, relaxing me into a gentle state. Though I couldn't sleep, I still daydreamed. I imagined a world where I was human, and Bella and I were together without complications. I could speak to her without feeling the frustrating urge to kill her. I could be near her without venom dripping from my abnormally strong teeth. I could inhale her beautiful aroma without plots of murder formulating inside of my head. I could be with her, really be with her.
I snapped my eyes open harshly when the sound of distant chatter erupted. I watched as the doors began to open, and students began exiting. I glanced down at the digital clock on my dashboard. It was only a minute after the scheduled ending for school. I sighed, not bothering to leave the car. Alice already knew I was waiting. I kept my gaze on the door, watching groups of teenagers playfully wrestle as a crowd began to form. Their chants and cheers were loud amongst my eardrums, but I only heard one voice.
"Excuse me, I need to get to my truck," she spoke. Her voice was soft and quiet. I could hear the annoyance that was laced thick in her request. I moved my eyes, watching warily. And then she emerged from the crowd.
My fingers subconsciously tightened around the steering wheel. I felt the material protesting against my grip, falling frail to my strength. I immediately let go, and let my hand turn the key that was stuck in the ignition. Slowly, I moved the Volvo closer to where her truck was. I stopped the car, turning off the engine as my eyes watched her shuffle lazily to her truck. She opened the passenger door, and dropped her bag from her left shoulder. She moved her hand to catch it, but it dropped to the concrete with a small thud.
I heard her groan as she bent over to pick up the belongings that had scattered across the pavement. The wind picked up, causing stray sheets of paper to fly from her folders. She groaned louder, her voice resembling a frustrated shout. She moved quickly, jumping quickly to grab the airborne papers. As soon as she was sure that she had retrieved everything, she jammed it all back into her bag, and tossed it into the truck, closing the door behind her. She moved to the other side, her hand yanking the driver's door open. She looked around before entering. Her eyes met mine.
I gasped, my insides twisting with desire. I lowered my head quickly, but caught her devastated face as she quickly jumped into the truck. I heard it roar to life, and watched as she sped past by my car, not giving me a second glance. Guess I deserve that. I let my eyes fall back upon the spot where she had just previously been. A piece of white paper was stranded, moving across the parking lot. It was too far away for me to read it's contents, but I knew it had come from Bella's bag. I sighed. It's a piece of paper, Edward. Ignore it.
But I couldn't. I quickly jumped out of the Volvo, running at a faster pace than normal, and grasped the stray piece of paper. I stiffened. I could even smell the faint of scent on the paper as well. I turned it over, gently smoothing it out with my fingers. I let my eyes roam over the piece of paper. It was a syllabus for her Creative Writing class. My eyes moved upward, and I was about to pocket Bella's assignment when the word caught my eye.
It was scrawled messily on the top of the paper in bolded print. VAMPIRE.
Shocked, astounded, astonished, dismayed, frightened, terrified, horrified. She knew. Oh, no. No, no, no. She knew.
My eyes hadn't left the word. They were wide as they traced every letter, before moving to the rest of the paper. Maybe she had some kind of explanation written down. I felt my breathing hitch when I found nothing else. My hands tightened as I tensed, and I heard the sharp rip of paper. I looked down, and sighed when Bella's syllabus was ripped into two pieces.
"I don't know what kind of infatuation you have with that piece of paper, but I'd really like to actually leave now, dude." My head shot up toward Emmett, who immediately backed up in defense. He placed his hands in front of him, silently showing me that he meant no harm. I softened.
What's going on? I turned to Alice, and held up the two separated parts of the paper. She looked confused for a moment, but as her eyes stared objectively at the word that sat doomed at the top of the paper, she gasped. I haven't seen anything though. Her future is precisely bland. Really boring. I sighed, dropping the shreds of paper. I was taking big strides to the car, the family following close behind.
"Because right now, she's probably deciding to stay away from me. I have no place in her future," I mumbled, turning the key in the ignition once more. Alice, who had taken the liberty to sit herself in the front, put a hand on my shoulder. I glanced over at her. She was frowning.
"But you should."
I felt the growl erupt from the bottom of my throat, and she huffed in anger. You're impossible.
"Well, I want to be a part of her future. Do you have the faintest idea as to how hard it was to disappoint her at lunch today? She knows who we are. She's not an imbecile, Edward. Though she accepted my lie, she doesn't believe it. And frankly, I don't want to play along with this stupid game. I know you wouldn't hurt her. I know I wouldn't hurt her. We're both perfectly capable of keeping her safe. So, I don't know about you, but I'm not holding myself back anymore." Her speech left me dizzy. I opened my mouth to recite my rebuttal, but she beat me to it.
"Out of every city, every state, every country- she's here, Edward. Doesn't that tell you anything? I know you aren't one to believe in fate, but it's possible. But I for one, am going to accept it, and befriend her. I won't push you onto her, but she's important to me too, okay?"
I felt their eyes on me. I nodded. If it were any other time, I would've argued my case. I would've persisted that Alice stayed away from Bella. I would've made my point loud and clear. But I couldn't get my head away from the one thing that was eating away at me. She knew.
Dropping the family off, I told them that I needed to hunt. They knew I needed to be alone, and left me without any further questions. I drove, my body controlling the car. My mind was still in the parking lot where I had left the shreds of paper. As I drove, my head replayed every word that Bella and I had ever shared. Thank you for saving me from the bad people, I love you. I felt myself smiling. I let the car loop around every bend, every curve, every dirt road that I came across. I had been driving for hours. What little light that kept the day bright was now gone. I looked at the clock. 11:13. I sighed, and pulled down an unfamiliar road. That's when it hit me.
Bella's scent.
I pulled the car down the road, and found myself in front of a white house. I gulped, realizing my mistake. This was Bella's house. Her truck was resting in the driveway, noises ticking below the hood from it's last expedition. I could hear shuffling from inside of the house, and I closed my eyes tightly.
"Drive the damn car, Edward. Don't do this," I mumbled to myself through gritted teeth. My foot hovered above the gas, and I battled with myself. Go, get the hell out of here, Edward.
But I couldn't leave.
Pulling my car further down the street, away from sight, I left my car. I crept quickly back to the house that held my Bella. Lights were on in what I presumed was the living room, but Bella's scent seemed stronger from the upper-level. I moved towards the tree, getting a firm grip on it, before jumping up. The branch led me straight to her windowsill, where I kept myself perched. I pushed my face to the glass, looking around. Though the room was dark, I could see Bella's figure slumped onto the bed. Her chest was rising and falling softly, and I could hear her soft breathing patterns. I sighed, and turned, crouching to jump.
"Edward."
I stopped. A sickening ice was freezing over my body, making it unable for me to form a coherent thought. I was gripping the branch so tightly, that I heard it snap under my shaking fingers. I let it go immediately, and watched as it dropped to the ground below me. I turned, and pressed my face against the window once more. She was facing the window now, but her eyes were closed. She was still sleeping. She was sleep-talking.
I nudged my fingers below the edge of the window, and pulled. Surprisingly, it opened without force. I frowned. I'd have to let her know what could happen if she keeps leaving her window unlocked. This. This could happen. I stuck my head inside, and breathed her in. God, this smell was glorious. I gulped down the venom, and pushed my entire body inside, trying to keep myself as quiet as possible.
Ugh, I'm exhausted. I think I should call it night. I wonder if Bells is sleeping yet. I heard Chief Swan's footsteps ascending the staircase, and I dropped to the floor, rolling under her bed at my quickest pace. I heard the door creak open, and a scarce amount of dim light poured into the room from the hallway. Sleeping like a baby. I waited until I could hear his soft snores come from the next room, before I moved out from under her bed.
"Edward .. please," she muttered. I jumped, and snapped my head toward her. She was still sleeping. Her flawless face was twisted into a frown, her lips parting with her whispering breaths. I moved closer, still wary of my own presence. This wasn't safe for Bella. One wrong move and I'd take her life in her sleep. No, this wasn't good. I had to get out of here.
"Please .. don't leave .. bad guys are still .."
I found myself leaning closer to her, inching forward with every word she mumbled. I couldn't help myself. I couldn't leave her now. I inhaled, holding my breath, before pressing my icy lips to her forehead. I felt her relax immediately. I leaned into her ear.
"I'm here, Bella. I won't leave," I whispered. I smiled, watching her frown fall. She twisted in the bed, moving on her other side so her back was facing me. I sighed, and stepped backwards into the corner of her room. I watched her for a few minutes. She kept mumbling different things, but mostly my name. Every time my name left her lips, I felt myself come to life. This was a different feeling. This was happiness. It had to be. It was the best feeling in the world.
I re-opened the window, but before I jumped out, I remembered something. My heart.
I reached into my pocket, and pulled out the chain. I made sure the gold ring was attached and unharmed, before I set it gently onto her dresser. This was it. I was breaking down every barrier that I had set up. I was going to involve myself with Bella. I would accept the consequences, and keep Bella safe at the same time. I couldn't stay away any longer. I moved out of her window, and pushed to close it.
"Edward .. happy," she murmured. I couldn't help but grin. I closed the window softly. As I ran back to the Volvo, the joy I had built up since entering Bella's room got to me. I ran faster, letting the cold wind nip sharply at my face. I couldn't erase the toothy grin that took over my face. I closed my eyes, stopping when I reached the silver car. I leaned up against it, and taking a breath, I threw another glance at the house. I smiled again.
"I'll make you happy, Bella."
Okay, so I had to remain true to some scenes. I think it was crucial to my story, though. I sat here for hours, trying to come up with some way to do this, and I only found writing Edward's little night escapades to Bella's room more suitable. I hope I didn't disappoint, though. I'll admit, I don't think it's my best work, but cut me some slack, it's 3:30 in the morning here! Haha. I'm sorry for the delay, though. I've been kind of sick lately. I'll try to update more often, but I alternate between this story & Falling Slowly, my other Twilight story. But like always, let me know what you think! Thanks!
