THIS CHAPTER SUCKS TO READ HERE BECAUSE IT'S CENSORED. PLEASE CHECK MY PROFILE FOR THE LINK TO THE UNCENSORED VERSION. also is being a pain in the ass getting my formatting to save, so it's just… this is awful. please read the full version. :(

you can read all my author notes on it there because you really shouldn't be reading this here. please do me a pinky promise on that.

At first it had been a crush. After all, what was Tatum supposed to do about a boy that lived halfway around the world? There had been so many of them there that night, she doubted he had even noticed her. She'd be lucky if he even remembered her. Man, even the boys she saw every day at school never paid attention to her. It was hard, but she figured the chosen leader would be nothing but a faint celebrity crush-forever on her mind but never in her arms.

Tatum grew up in western New York, where her citizenship was almost as much Canadian as it was American. Growing up as an only child to a single mother forced her to be tough and independent. A flare of creativity was a side effect of her necessity of being alone. Most of her days were spent with her aunt as her mother worked overnight shifts at the hospital. During that time, she had sketchbooks upon sketchbooks of backyard drawings and nearly enough necklaces made of colorful plastic beads to last the entire year.

Tatum's mother tended to leave gifts for her in the early morning. Pine cones, twine, pebbles-a magpie of crafting junk. Tatum took to creating elaborate centerpieces or decorations from the pieces her mother left her. So when Botamon's egg appeared on her desk, she never thought much of it. It wasn't until after a few weeks when the egg started to shake, and eventually crack, she realized it was more than just an oval rock with cute markings on it.

When Botamon hatched, Tatum became something. She became a part of something. Although she never had the chance to go to the Digital World at that time, she did have the chance to be more than herself with the help of Airdramon. When ShogunGekomon appeared at Niagara Falls, she knew exactly what she was-a chosen child. Sneaking out of the house late Christmas Eve, red shawl draped over her shoulders, she had never felt her heart race so fast while she watched Betamon digivolve for the first time. Atop her friend, she felt free and unbound by the loneliness that consumed her childhood. Out in the sky, the wind drew cold fingers against her face and whistled sweet songs in her ear. All along, the drumming of her heartbeat and the exhilarated smile across her lips drove her the long trek to New York City.

And that's where she first saw him, where she wished there had been more time to get to know him. The fiery boy from Japan that brought all the northeastern chosen together to drive away the digital monsters. He was cute and passionate, and she wanted him so badly to look at her with that smile before he left...

It was difficult to ask for Daisuke's email. With red cheeks, she asked Michael over the phone through stuttering vowels before finally obtaining it. For weeks, she wrote and rewrote the email, until finally Betamon clumsly clawed his way up onto her computer and pressed the enter key. She had been furious, but secretly relieved. At least the empty inbox of hers wouldn't be because she didn't try.

But after a couple of weeks, he had answered.

Daisuke had answered.

His star had been rising-his face was all over her local papers and news stations-how he had time to ever even answer her was some sort of miracle of a mystery. She read it over and over again, waiting for it to be some elaborate lie her mind was constructing.

Nobody ever noticed her. Nobody.

Sure I remember you! You're that girl that travelled all that way, right? That's so cool! Let's meet in the Digital World, okay?

But she didn't know... Nobody ever noticed him, either. Nobody.

Their first meeting was timid and shy and a little bit awkward. Daisuke never really paid attention in English class, and Tatum only knew a few general phrases of Japanese. But eventually, a friendship grew-their interest in comics and art being able to cross the gap of what their spoken word could not. Eventually, Daisuke asked her to be his girlfriend, and she had accepted without hesitation. So, for Daisuke's sixteenth birthday, they pooled funds to get him back to visit America.

"Awww, I'm bored." Daisuke said, stretching out on the train car. The train from Buffalo to New York City was longer than he expected. He could travel most of Japan by train in the time it took to travel a few hundred miles in America.

Tatum rolled her eyes and sat back with Botamon in her lap. "I told you it was a long ride."

"Yeah, but this is really long! I wanna be there already!" He loved New York City, and he was excited to spend it with his first ever girlfriend. Plus, it was Christmas time, and he only got to passively see the city in all its holiday cheer the last time he was there.

"God, you're so annoying."

Daisuke puffed his cheeks and glared at his girlfriend. "Excuse me? You invited me here."

"You heard me." Tatum smiled coyly. "We'll be there in a couple of hours. So just shut up."

Daisuke was about to get mad, but Tatum had laid her head on his shoulder, and he nearly melted on the spot. She was a smartass, that's for sure, but that was part of the reason he liked her so much. He supposed he just gravitated to the type-Ken had certainly grown into quite a sassy young man.

The first night they ended up in front of the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree. In one of Daisuke's hand was Tatum, and in the other, a bag full of nerdy gifts they bought each other. They stood in front of the square, taking in the Christmas music and the white noise of the crowd. Finally, Tatum tugged on his hand, forcing his attention to her. "Davis," Tatum said, almost in a whisper. Her shoulder pressed against his, and she started to shift her body to face him. Between them was a haze of their own breath, laboring as the excitement of teenage hormones peaked between them both.

"Tatum?" Daisuke was unconsciously tilting his head. He could smell the mint of her bubble gum, the scent gaining a chilly edge on the winter air. Before she could answer, and before he could say anything else, their lips met. For a few moments, they were cold, until the heat of their breath and the gentle motions of the lips warmed up and filled their chests with adrenaline. Hesitantly, Daisuke brought his arms up and stepped into Tatum, their bodies close as they experimented with introducing tongues into their kissing.

It wasn't their first kiss. But it meant something different than all the others. Like the historic tension of their first meeting in New York resounding ten fold to cook the feels of attraction into those of love. It was hard to not enjoy and notice the differences between the digital world and real world interactions. There was something more definitive about being together in actual matter and space.

Keeping a focus on their visit to the city became more and more difficult. They were staying with Tatum's aunt who had moved to the city a couple of years prior. After exploring the city, Daisuke found himself sneaking into Tatum's room. Underneath the covers of her bed, they allowed their mouths and hands to explore each other for the first time. There were soft giggles and quiet panting-their bodies not used to the feeling of somebody else's hands on them. Each touch brought them closer and closer to breaking the final barrier.

It was on the third night that, with their bodies naked and pressing against each other, they couldn't contain their curious urges anymore. "Can we?" Daisuke said, his voice coming out shaky with need. His caramel skin was tinted red, embarrassed that he asked, and too flustered to contain the shaking of his muscles. He kissed Tatum, along her jaw and up to her ear, until his nose was breathing in the strawberries of her blonde hair. "Please."

They had talked about it. They had been dating long distance for over a year. If they were going to lose their virginity, they were happy it was going to be to each other. Tatum hummed, her hand running up the side of Daisuke's body. He was trim and toned, his years of continued athleticism keeping him fit. Her body was was ready for him, as she had proven at the end of his fingertips. Her breasts were perky and sore from her boyfriend's continued attention to them, but she just found herself arching habitually into him with every move he made.

She wanted him. He wanted her. And that notion alone drove them both crazy.

"Y-yeah." Tatum nodded, rubbing her cheek against his, a nervous laugh coaxing its way out of her.

~*CENSORED*~

He remembered. He'd always remember the look on her face. Calm, loving, needy, content, trusting… How he deserved such a gaze was beyond him. Would anybody ever believe that such an angel allowed him to be within her presence, let alone touch her?

~*CENSORED*~

This was the last thing he wanted to do. Sex was supposed to be about enjoyment and happiness… Not pain. Tatum was so beautiful and strong and smart. His life was filled with those that doubted him and thought he was stupid and incapable. And worse now, he had blind followers that thought him to be everything he wasn't. However, Tatum saw him for who he was. Believed in him. Wanted to be around him. He didn't have to pretend. He didn't have to do anything. He was just Daisuke.

And hurting her hurt him so badly he just… He found himself crying silently onto the pillow beside her as he whispered again, "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry. I didn't…"

Tatum shook her head. "No… No, it's my fault. I'm sorry. I… Ruined this." She withdrew into herself, her hand covering the shame on her face that Daisuke couldn't even see.

"It's not your fault! Oh, Tatum…" Daisuke held her so close in fear that she would disappear if he let go. "I… I love you. I don't ever want to..."

"Daisuke…" Tatum's hand came up and rested on his. She rarely ever used his real name, and she squeezed his hand as she said it again, "Daisuke. I… Love you too."

"We'll go slower next time… I promise." Daisuke said, kissing the back of her head.

She nodded as she sighed. She was disappointed in her body for working against her, but emotionally, she felt as if she was floating on a cloud. The warmth of Daisuke's love kept her safe and content-for it was the first time they had confessed their love, and the rest… Well, the rest could just be worked on later.

"Go slow, Dai-chan." Ken breathed. The boy of kindness was on his back, dark hair haloing his pale skin, and his mouth ajar with heated desire. Just like with Tatum, playing with Ken always brought Daisuke's muscles into a frenzy, making his attempts at denial or sex talk near impossible when his hunger for intimacy was so pronounced on his demeanor.

But he craved it. Not that he didn't love sex-a lot-but what he really craved was the closeness. The desire to be needed and wanted and accepted. For so long, Ken had been right under his nose-his quiet belief and lack of surprise in his success… Just being around the man was enough to allow him to die happy.

At times, Daisuke didn't know how to repay the favor. He was never good at that. The best he could do was dedicate his loyalty and love, in hopes that it would be enough. And even if Ken said it was-it never felt like it. If only there was something more he could do… If only...

Ken's body shrunk into Daisuke's, like plastic exposed to a flame, his mouth gaping open with soundless pleasure as his right nipple met the warm enclosure of his lover's mouth. A beautiful, pitiful cry came from Ken's throat-deep and needy and belonging only to Daisuke. With an eager tongue, Daisuke teased the soft flesh until it pinched into a nub that he gently clamped between his teeth. The sharp hiss of the man below him and the sidewinding writhing forced him to press a firm hand onto a pale shoulder. Predatorily, he glanced up at the sweet thing within his possession. "Do you want this or not, Ken-chan?"

Ken always had the upperhand when it came to intelligence. In daily life, he was always teaching Daisuke new things, and was something that had happened since they were children. Most of the time, the dynamic was welcome-after all, Ken was Daisuke's favorite teacher. He always exuded patience and trust in Daisuke's abilities. No professor ever exhibited that to him before.

So it was exciting to Daisuke that he could teach something to Ken. Daisuke was particularly good with his hands-cooking, drawing, and building things. It took years to teach Ken how to cut carrots at the perfect width or how to control the weight of his hand when drawing graphite across paper. But just as Ken was to him-he was patient and trusting.

And he may have always been a little proud that he could teach Ken how to be intimate. After all, Daisuke had enough past lovers to barely contain on two hands. But Ken was special and beautiful and his. For every action an equal and opposite reaction came from his partner, and if Ken proved anything, it was that he was a quick and accurate learner.

Ken looked down at him, eyes pleading to be fulfilled, to be taken to a place that he didn't even know the sound of his own name. Daisuke asked again, his fingers pressed against Ken's opening, "Do you want this?" Ken was already whimpering, but a yelp came as his nipple was stimulated again.

"Yes!" Ken said between clenched teeth. The dark-haired man was always so irresistibly attractive when he demanded to be taken.

~*CENSORED*~

Daisuke had never thought himself as gay. He wasn't even into assplay when he was fucking women. So it always took some learning himself to figure out how to please Ken. Women were delicate and dainty and particular. Each one had different roadmaps in order to get off-something that sometimes frustrated him when he selfishly just needed a release. But when he was with somebody he cared for… Like Tatum or Ken…

~*CENSORED*~

"Dai-chan," Ken breathed out between panting. Daisuke shivered, allowing his teeth to nip the side of Ken's neck. His pet name was only uttered under the protection of bedsheets and disheveled hair. Its effects were Pavlovian, sending Daisuke into a more heated need to hear it again. To hear Ken say his name, to be the one that destroyed Ken's brain into a slush of lust. "Dai-chan, please."

Leaning up, Daisuke looked down into Ken's eyes. He teased the sensitive area with his fingers as he watched his boyfriend struggle to construct the words to say. Daisuke supposed he had always had this sort of control of Ken-if it wasn't physically, it was emotionally. "Yes, Ken-chan?" His craving for the tea flavor of Ken's pouting lip was insatiable, and he took to kissing and lightly sucking the red flesh.

"I…" Oh, how difficult it was, especially when Daisuke has started to stroke him again. "I'm ready. Please."

Daisuke stopped and pulled himself away. A protest came from his partner as he did. "Are you… You're ready? Are you sure?" They'd been fucking around for months, but never actually fucked yet. Then again, one doesn't fuck somebody like Ken Ichijouji. They take it slow and meticulously until he begs for it, then they worship somebody like Ken Ichijouji.

Ken bit his lip and nodded quickly. "Y-yeah. I love you, Dai-chan. I'm…"

Daisuke pulled Ken up into his arms to sit on his lap, his face barely able to rest in the crook of the taller man's neck. "I love you too. I just…"

"I appreciate your concern for my well being..." Ken said, his arms wrapping around the red-head. It was clear it was hard for him to keep his composure when his head was so foggy with lust. "I want you."

Daisuke nodded into paper skin, placing delicate kisses as butterflies lofted around his chest. He could feel the same damned insects fluttering inside of Ken. They were virgins to each other in this regard, and now the fear of displeasing his best friend and lover was… Terrifying. It had happened before...

"I…" Ken leaned back, his nose grazing against Daisuke's as his eyes fluttered shut. "I need you."

With eyebrows upturned, Daisuke was the one to whimper now. "Oh f-fuck." He shifted their bodies down to the bed as he took Ken's lips, possessively, heavily, as if being without the hot touch across his lips for a second would kill him. "I need you too. More than you will ever know..." He fumbled over the latch of his shorts, until he finally escaped from them, his nakedness now matching the man below him.

If he had ever had to guess… If he had asked his kid-self if he would have ever made love to his best friends years later-he would have laughed. But it wasn't hard to believe. Daisuke started to reminisce that he had always been in love with Ken. First, superficially-his young admiration for a beautiful, smart, and athletic boy that made his stomach feel light. Taichi-senpai could only surpass Ichijouji Ken with his age.

Even as the Kaiser, Daisuke had some sort of deep rooted respect for the boy. They were rivals-equals but opposites on the same spectrum. When he heard the crest of kindness talk to him, he knew that Ken was more than he ever fronted. After getting to know him, the gut feeling had been correct. It didn't take long for Daisuke to forget a time before Ichijouji Ken. And not long after that did he start noticing that Ken quite literally meant the world to him. Daisuke hated even accidentally hurting Ken… But they were talking sensitive parts here. If he fucked up… Would Ken ever want to do anything with him again? Would he leave him? Would...

"Dai." Ken cupped Daisuke's face within his hands. The gogglehead looked back at his boyfriend with wide eyes, the fear in his heart radiating off of his skin. "I've never been so sure of something in my life." Daisuke searched the blue caverns of Ken's eyes, hoping to see doubt in seas of endless desire. But it wasn't there. Instead, it was the same compassionate, trusting, and loving gaze he had seen years before. A stone knotted in his stomach as he frowned deeply.

Pulling Ken's legs up around his hips, Daisuke ran some lube along his member before nervously readying himself. He was aroused, but moreso, he was scared. "I love you." He whispered, his words ending with bitten lips.

"I love you, too."

~*CENSORED*~

It was… Interstellar. If a feeling could even be described as such. Their connection causing the all too familiar reverberations, where the feeling was just amplified to mind numbing levels. What was happening transcended sex-it was quite literally becoming one. For the first time, he felt himself dissolve. He was no longer Daisuke. He was Ken. He was them. And together, the feeling was surreal and beautiful and…

"Dai-chan!" Ken was panting, hips fidgeting. Daisuke could hear Ken's racing heartbeat in his ears. He let out another pleasured yet uncomfortable yelp. "Keep moving!"

"I…" Daisuke had almost forgotten he had the ability to talk. "I can't…" He pushed forward a little more, and another blinding wave of pleasure destabilized him. He breathed out, fearing that the next sound would be a sob.

Daisuke was doing it again. He could feel the pain of Ken's virginity through him, but it was subdued by his own burst of pleasure-two sensations that fought for possession over his mind-and he only hoped that Ken was feeling more pleasure than pain at this point.

~*CENSORED*~

"Daisuke! Ken-chan!"

Daisuke's attention snapped to the door. Ken shot up, but it only caused him to drive Daisuke deeper into him. The shorter man yelped as he fell on top of Ken, gasping like a fish out of water as he left the warmth of his partner. The voice from the other side of the door called again, and Daisuke was up and on the other end before Ken found his legs stable enough to follow.

With the bedsheet wrapped modestly around himself, Ken rushed to the living room beside a butt-naked Daisuke. "What is…?!" As the words left his mouth, Daisuke tumbled over in laughter, his body slinking to the floor as his hearty laugh filled the apartment. It didn't take long to figure out what the subject of hilarity was coming from. "P-Paildramon!?"

"Ken-chan," Stingmon's part of the fusion spoke, almost sheepishly. "Are you and Daisuke-kun all right?" The fused digimon sat in the living room, its shoulders slouched from being pressed against the ceiling. Luckily, the apartment was safe, spare the coffee table which had been crushed under the weight of its tail. This subjected Daisuke to a wail of laughter.

"Y-yeah." Ken answered, and he was pretty sure he had just been thrown into a furnace with how hot his entire body was.

"T-they… They!" Daisuke tried to breathe but he couldn't. He let a laugh draw out before he continued, "They fucking jogressed!"

"I know!" Ken said tartly, failing to see the humor as he slunk back into the bedroom.

It took a few more minutes before Daisuke had his composure enough to explain the concept of "sex" to two monsters that were incapable of such a feat. He entered back into the bedroom, closing the door behind him to lean on it. Ken had put on a pair of pajama bottoms and was reclining in bed with a book in his lap. He didn't acknowledge the goggle-head.

"Are you… Mad?" Daisuke stayed at the door, turning only to take a robe off of the hook that hung over it. "It's not their fault, you know." He stifled a laugh behind his hand, "We didn't know that was even a thing that could happen!"

Ken turned a page in his book.

Daisuke frowned. "You really are mad, aren't you? Dammit." He shook his head, trying not to get frustrated himself, but he was like an emotional sponge… Or tofu… Or some other porous substance he couldn't think of. "It's not that big of a deal."

Ken's mouth twitched, and his hands clutched his book tighter.

"Fucking say something, Ichijouji. I hate playing these games with you." Finally, Ken glared up at him, his stern look losing its foundation almost immediately into worry and sadness. "What's wrong?" He walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge as he pushed Ken's book aside and wrapped his arms around the taller man.

"It wasn't… What I expected." The dark haired one whispered.

"O-oh?"

"Did it ever feel like that when you did it with anybody else, Dai?" He looked at him, like a child asking why the sky was blue.

Daisuke rubbed his thumbs across the knuckles of Ken's fidgeting hands. "No. Not even close."

"In a good or bad way?"

With a hesitating laugh and an almost shy smile, Daisuke adverted his eyes and shook his head slightly. "The greatest way. I've never felt like that. I can't even ever imagine going back." He looked back at Ken, his chest filling with so much emotion he felt like it would suffocate him. "I wasn't even myself anymore."

Ken nodded, trying hard to understand. He had nothing to compare it to, but knew that he had experienced the same phenomenon. What he had felt was overwhelming-a complete sensory overload that nearly drove him out of his mind. But Daisuke's words soothed him-bringing his embarrassment and fear and anger out of him, and back into the abundance of love that was there before. Timidly, he took one of Daisuke's hands in his and pulled the man closer to himself. "Yeah."

Their lips were nearly touching as Daisuke said, "Yeah, what?" He could feel himself getting aroused again, his free hand moving to massage Ken's thigh.

"Make me feel it again, Dai-chan." He took Daisuke's bottom lip between his teeth, causing the shorter man to growl deep in his throat and climb across his body.

"Gladly."

Ken had to admit, Daisuke had taught him a lot, even if it hurt his heart to think about it. With his lips sealed against Miyako's, he felt confident that he could please her, something he could never say if he hadn't been intimate with his jogress partner. His hand brushed through her long hair, pushing it back across her bare shoulder as his mouth moved to tease the soft flesh of her neck.

"I love the way you make me feel." She whispered, her fingers tugging on the bottom of his button-up shirt.

It was the morning after his birthday that brought them to this point. When Miyako woke up in his arms to the sound of birds outside the window, they couldn't avoid the discussion about what they expected out of life. Ken tried not to bring up Daisuke-he could tell that Miyako had made the connection. Saying she didn't would be an insult to her. But, that didn't mean he wanted to talk about it. Through careful alluding, he had admitted why he hadn't seen any of his friend in so long, and how desperately he wanted that to change.

She suggested she could help. That she wanted to help. That everybody else missed him, and that they needed him as much as they needed him. And that maybe, on a slightly related note, she had always dreamed of them talking and being together like that...

A new routine flowed into Ken's life. Weekend outings became a thing. Miyako dragged him to karaoke with Taichi and some of the other original chosen. They even spent an entire night binge coding with Koushirou just for the fun of it. Ken remembered how it felt to laugh, and how it felt to be wanted. His email inbox certainly cared little for him in recent months.

It only brought him joy that Miyako wanted to spend as much time with him as he did with her. Somewhere between loving caresses and timid kisses came a relationship. Tonight, she was irresistible. Ken had been watching her all night-with each sip of her drinks, her lips grew duller as she left the remains of their rosy blush on the rims of her drinking glasses. It was his idea to go out tonight. Miyako understood the reason without having to guess-again, she was intelligent enough to understand Ken's silent struggle. It was part of this that made her so desirable. So delicious to eat with his eyes as she licked her top lip between sentences. The way she smirked whenever his fingers tickled the top of her hand.

A few drinks later, it took little convincing to get Miyako to go home with him that night as well.

Pushing her against the wall, Ken's long fingers wrapping around the strap of her dress to pull it down past her shoulder, he breathed an inebriated sigh of frustration into her perfumed skin. "Miyako…"

"Ken-chan." She started to unbutton his shirt, but something awoke in Ken before she could finish. The only other time he heard that name was…

Ken tugged her up by the hips, her legs wrapping around him as he held her against the wall. Their breath stunk of heavy alcohol, but their combined arousal made it easy to ignore. With one arm supporting her weight from under, and the other trying to remove Miyako's garments, it was proving to be a little more than his fuzzy head could handle. He leaned sharply into Miyako and moaned into her ear, "Bedroom?"

She nodded, so fast and quickly that she accidentally slammed her forehead into his. Ken stepped back a little bit, Miyako sliding down the wall before he caught her between giggles. "Sorry," she said sheepishly, one hand held to her forehead. Ken placed a kiss on her cheek, offering a quick and wordless forgiveness, before hoisting her up around his waist and carried her into the bedroom.

Dropping Miyako on the bed, she sat at the edge of the bed and continued where she had left off. It didn't take long for Ken to be barechested, his eagerness causing him to be one knee up on the mattress and looming over her with hungry lips. The top of her dress was slouched below her naked breasts now, and Ken had taken to playing with a pink nipple between his fingers, reveling in the soft whimpers that came from behind her nose.

They hadn't exactly taken the physical part of their relationship very slowly, despite not having had sex yet. Perhaps it was the pressure of being in their late twenties that brought them to make snappier decisions. Maybe they just really liked each other. They were sensible enough to admit to either reasoning. And honestly, it was a combination of both.

To Ken, Miyako was familiar. He had known her as long as the other chosen, and her personality was fiery and strong compared to his cool and mellow one. She was intelligent and compassionate, two things that made him long to be around her as often as possible. They had a reasonable flare of disagreements that only rooted deeper appreciation and respect. Hell, he was beginning to think he was even in love.

Miyako had taken it upon herself to unlatch his belt and unfasten his pants. There wasn't a call for foreplay-their heads were too foggy to concentrate on something that long. Ken kissed her feverishly as he ran his hands up the insides of her thighs, and he nearly gasped when she said into his ear, "Fuck me."

Somewhere in the slosh of his brain, the echo of Daisuke clawed through. Ken's time as a top was few and far between, but when he took on the role, Daisuke always demanded it-raw, commanding, and full of need. At those times, it wasn't about being loved; it was about being controlled. The importance was being brought to ecstasy by the actions of the one you trusted most-even if it was behind a veil of thrills.

Ken stepped out of his pants and underwear, pulling Miyako closer to him as he stood at the edge of the bed. She helped him remove her panties, her stockings halfway up her calves and her dress still haphazardly around her midsection. He hesitated for a moment, choosing to spend a few more minutes leaning over her, exploring her mouth and skin and breasts, until finally she was begging for him. Her hands were snaked up under his shirt, her nails clawing for resolution across his skin. "Ken-chan."

~*CENSORED*~

Hard to believe he had almost forgotten what it felt like to have sex. But it was clear to him, crystal clear, that this was different. The feeling didn't surround him, engulf him until he was nothing but emotions… Floating in a sea of disconnection, not knowing where his place was in the physical plane of things. No, he was ever present and in control. Every movement, every moment, everything-they were his, and his alone.

~*CENSORED*~

"I love you, Miyako."

Mindlessly, Miyako continued to move her hips, loving the feeling of being so close to her best friend, her boyfriend, and her lover. "I love you too, Ken." It came out more as a sigh, borderlining a whimper.

Eventually, they both fully disrobed and crawled lethargically into bed. Ken spooned Miyako until she fell asleep, and even though he physically felt like he could follow, his mind still refused to turn off. It was true, he wasn't going to refuse it to himself that he loved Miyako. The pounding in his chest seemed to be enough proof of that to him. But he didn't want it to be for the wrong reasons. He didn't want it to be a rebound.

He wanted to be over Daisuke.

Ken buried his face into Miyako's silken hair. He loved her. He loved her for saving him from a man that couldn't stay with him. He loved her for spending the time with him and being patient. He loved her because he was something he never thought he could be. For once… For once…

He was normal.

No calls for geniuses. No screaming girls yearning for his good looks. No judgemental stares for the horrors of his past. No more sharing the same consciousness. No more losing himself, when all he wanted all his life was to find himself.

Hot tears welled in Ken's eyes as he pressed his lips to the back of Miyako's head. He felt ungrateful. He felt like he was being unfair. Daisuke had given him so much, but in the end it, was too much. And he couldn't find himself along that path for the rest of his life, no matter how much his heart ached for it every day. Miyako was where his mind and body could rest. He thought, fleetingly, that they could even be married and have kids if he wanted to. The picture perfect family, almost to a fault. But he couldn't think of anything in the world that would make him happier at that moment.

His arms tightened around her slender frame, sighing softly past his tears. Daisuke was everything to him-he always had been. For over fifteen years they had been best friends. There was never a question of who he was with Daisuke-he never had to apologize or alter who he was to satisfy the credentials of being the fiery boy's friend. But in the end, their intensity had grown to burn Ken, and as much as it soured his stomach to think it, to realize it was one of the main reasons he couldn't be with Daisuke anymore…

Honestly, he thought, the fact that they ever expected it to work all seemed so… Naive.

Oh, but he knew that whatever hangover he woke up with wouldn't help to dull the real nausea in stomach. Nearly a year later, he'd have to face his other half. He'd have to look the man he still loved in the eye and see if his friend's silence was all because he loved him still too. And he wasn't sure if he had the strength to do it. In fact, he was almost positive he didn't.