LAST TIME ON "VENOM'S QUEST!
DRAMA!
Yuzu cast her eyes to the ground, looking ashamed.
"Yuya… I think I'm pregnant, and Yugo's the father!"
Yuya's mouth gaped open in shock.
"Yuzu, how could you!?"
ROMANCE
"Beautiful!" Sergey Volkov murmured, gazing deep into Mieru Hochun's eyes as they held hands and shared a plate of spaghetti with each other.
BETRAYAL!
"You knew this day would come, Yuri!" Starve Venom roared, as he merged with the other three dragons into his true form.
"No!" Yuri wailed, "Not like this! I never wanted this!"
"IT'S TIME TO END THE MULTIVERSE!" Odd-Eyes Starve Venom Rebellious Clear Winged God Buster Dragon… *sigh*… otherwise known as Owari (Happy now Corinne!?) roared with absolute evil.
TRAGEDY!
"Nooo!" Selena screamed, cradling Yuri's body in her arms. "He was the only man I ever loved!"
"Hey! What about me!?" Yugo protested.
"I meant emotionally not physically." Selena replied, rolling her eyes.
MORE DRAMA!
Yuzu cast her eyes to the ground, looking ashamed.
"Yuya… I think I'm pregnant, and Yuto's the father!"
Yuya's eyes glowed red as he entered berserk mode. "Yuzu! What the heck have you been doing!?"
EVEN MORE DRAMA!
Yuzu cast her eyes to the ground, looking ashamed.
"Yuya… I think I'm pregnant, and Yuri's the father!"
"Seriously, Yuzu?" Yuya asked, not believing Yuzu had stooped that low.
Yuzu threw back her head and laughed. "Nah! I'm just kidding about everything! Oh I can't believe you fell for it! Did you actually imagine I'd ever be with those other dorks!?
Yuya let himself laugh. "Yeah… it's pretty stupid. I definitely can't see you with any of them, especially not Yuri!"
"I know right!?" Yuzu giggled, "Yuri is such a dork!"
"Yeah… he's pretty stupid." Yuya agreed.
"And not to mention smelly." Yuzu added.
"I honestly think he's the worst version of me in the entire multiverse." Yuya commented. "And I don't mean in the villainous way… he's not even good at being evil!"
They wiped tears of joy from their eyes as they bonded and laughed at Yuri's expense. Slowly, as they started to calm down, they looked into each other's eyes before Yuya took Yuzu by the hand.
"Yuzu…?" Yuya began, sounding very nervous.
"What is it… Yuya?" Yuzu asked, looking just as anxious.
"There's something I've wanted to confess… but I just don't know how to say it!" Yuya groaned internally, wondering why it was so difficult to express his true feelings.
"Uhm… well…" Yuzu stuttered, "Whatever it is… I won't be offended by it. We are friends after all."
"Yeah… friends." Yuya thought. "Uhm… Yuzu?" he struggled for a moment before finally deciding to commit, "I want you to know that I lo-… that I lo-… that I lo-… I lo-… lo-… I love the way you duel and hope we can be platonic friends forever!"
Yuzu blushed at the compliment. "Aww… thanks Yuya. I really like your dueling too! I agree, we should just hang out with each other like buddies for the rest of our lives without ever going on dates or doing anything else romantic together!"
"Yeah!" Yuya agreed, happy that he had managed to pluck up the courage to be truly honest about his inner feelings toward her.
They smiled together and skipped off into the distance, holding hands in a completely non-romantic way.
"Hooray for the friend zone!" they cheered in unison.
AND NOW BACK TO THE DUEL FEATURING AUTHOR/COMEDIAN DONJUSTICIA AND THE UNRIVALED CHAMPION AND KING, JAAAACK ATLAS!
Jack Atlas: (Extends his hand towards Donjusticia) Red Demon Copyright Dragon™ finish him off! Absolute Legal Power of Attorney Flame!
Donjusticia: Action magic! Fair Use Policy! So long as my work is nothing more than a comedy/parody, the damage I take from your monster's attack is halved!
Jack Atlas: Humph! You'll still feel my disapproval!
(Donjusticia gets blasted by a fiery inferno from Jack's dragon, nearly falling off his bike from the force of the explosion.)
Jack Atlas: Turn end!
Donjusticia: (wiping the soot from his visor.) All right Jack! You force my hand! No more accurate representations of your character! I'm gonna… oh wait, it looks like they've already read through the opening skit.
Jack Atlas: Your stupid fanfic just keeps getting more ridiculous. First you create supposedly fake previews for upcoming chapters before actually creating those stupid chapters and now you're creating fake flash-backs! What are you going to do with those scenes! Go back and edit your previous chapters to incorporate those scenes within them!?
Donjusticia: Don't tempt me. (Turns back to the readers.) But anyway folks! I know you've waited patiently and I promised to deliver! Please enjoy my latest chapter while I finish off Jack Atlas for good this time!
Jack Atlas: Ha! What could you possibly do to stop the King!?
Donjusticia: (Grins evilly) I'm glad you asked that! I activate my magic card, It's My Story and I Can Do Whatever I Want With It! (Laughs like a maniacal demon) AHHH HA HA HAAA! Now Jack, with my absolute power as author of this story, I choose to forget canon and completely redesign your personality!
Jack Atlas: Nani!?
Donjusticia: That's right! Feel your complex and awesome character wither away under the force of my typing as I slowly transform the King… into The King. As in… a cheap Elvis impersonator!
(Jack Atlas poofs away in a puff of smoke before reappearing wearing a black wig, sunglasses, cowboy clothing colored like the American flag, and gigantic leather boots.)
(The King) Jack Atlas: (Impersonating Elvis) I-I gotta say Donjusticia… you are truly, I say truly, the devil in disguise! But my dueling is like the sun! You can shut it out for a time, but it aint goin away!
Donjusticia: Oh really!? How can you possibly defeat me!? I control the plot, the characters, and the very future of this series!
(The King) Jack Atlas: Cause you aint nothin' but a hound dog, Donjusticia. Now watch this little man! The King's gonna show ya how ya truly entertain the audience! Ohhhhh yeahhh! (Rips out a guitar and starts playing and singing a parody of "Suspicious Minds" while a trap activates.)
Jack Atlas: Oh cause now you're caught in my trap… (Activates Trap: Fan Backlash) you can't beat me now… because the fans love my original character too much baby!
(Poofs back into his original character.)
Jack Atlas: (Scowls at Donjusticia) And now, I am SO gonna kill you for DARING to be INSOLENT enough to parody the King! PLOT CONVENIENCE SYNCHRO SHOKAN! COME FORTH BY THE BLESSING OF THE CRIMSON COPYRIGHT DRAGON! RED DAEMON LEGAL TYRANT DRAGON©™®!
(Red Demon Copyright Dragon™ evolves into a much bigger, beefier, stricter, judge-ier, attorney-ier, other adjectives that end with "-ier" demon dragon before quickly throwing the book at Donjusticia.)
Donjusticia: No! I can't lose! This is my fanfic! Wait! I need time to figure out how to bail myself out of the narrative cliff I've backed myself up against! FAKE ANNOUNCER GUY! Cut to the chapter! CUT TO THE CHAPTER!
AND NOW! LADIES, GENTLEMEN, TRADING CARDS, HUMAN SOULS TRAPPED IN TRADING CARDS, AND TRADING CARDS TRAPPED IN HUMAN SOULS! WE PRESENT TO YOU, THE LONG AWAITED, THE EAGERLY ANTICIPATED…
Venom's Quest: Chapter 6 – I Dream of Dueling (Part 2)
"Uhhhhh… Yuri?" Selena stuttered, wondering what was going on.
Bill Cipher/Yuri just kept maniacally laughing.
"Billy!" Venom exclaimed, just as confused as Selena, "What are you doing!? I thought you were just gonna give Yuri some helpful tips, create some romantic background music, or something like that!? I didn't think you'd just possess him like a puppet! Now you can't just possess people's bodies without asking their permission. You've gotta ask the owner first. Take Galaxy Eyes Cipher Dragon for example. Now he used to be kind of a bully when he'd do his whole cipher projection thing and steal people's identity, but after I gave him a good talking to and sang a couple of songs with him about sharing and permission, he now always makes sure to ask the monster for permission before he morphs it into a twin copy of himself."
"So you're the reason Kaito's still at large!?" Leo Dancer growled, putting her paws on her hips. "I knew it! I knew the professor should have trusted Selena with that job rather than freaking Yuri and his idiot ace monster!"
"Wait! Possessed!?" Selena exclaimed, overhearing Starve Venom. "What do you mean possessed!?"
"What did you do this time, Venom?" Leo Dancer sighed, rolling her eyes.
"Oh well… you see, I was just sitting here at the table when time stopped and this friendly inter-dimensional triangle demon appeared and offered to help me out with something in return for some unspecified favor." Venom explained, trying to think if he'd done something wrong.
Leo Dancer gawked at him, heterochromatic eyes bugging out of her head. "And you just shook its hand and agreed right then and there!? Don't you know ANYTHING about demons!?"
"Well I met a friendly guy named Don Thousand back when Yuri and I were roaming around the Xyz Dimension and he seemed like a pretty nice guy." Venom related. "He asked me where he could find the Numeron Code… or something like that. So I pointed him in the direction of my good ol' buddy, Number 100 Numeron Dragon, and helped him out with that."
Leo Dancer face-palmed.
"Uh… guys?" said Selena, looking concerned, "We've got a problem here."
Venom and Leo Dancer turned their heads just in time to see Bill/Yuri pick up a plate and smash it against his face.
"Boy… this body's durable!" Bill/Yuri laughed, "This should be perfect for conquering this multiverse once it enters Berserk Mode!"
"Berserk Mode?" Selena asked, not even sure if she'd heard Bill right.
Bill/Yuri narrowed his yellow eyes, leering at her with a demonic grin, (which frankly wasn't too different from his original demonic grin.) "Well look at you toots! Did you finally decide to use that brain for once!? Yes hot stuff, I'm taking this body out for a test drive! I knew Venom would be stupid enough to shake hands with me! I mean… Yuri's pretty gosh darn evil, but even he's not idiotic enough to make a deal with a demon! But now that his soul's out of the way… I can finally complete my plans to resurrect my physical form and conquer all existence! And there's nothing you idiots can do to stop me! AHH HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA! AHHH HA HA HA HAAAW!"
"NOT SO FAST!" Yuzu screamed, leaping from a random portal above everybody's heads before slamming her mystical paper fan over Bill/Yuri's head before he could react.
Yuri's body came down on the table hard, face landing in a plate of spicy curry.
"Ha!" Yuzu gloated, "And you were all, 'there's nothing you can do to stop me!' Well guess who the best lead female character is! It's this girl!"
"Yuzu!" Selena cheered, running over to hug her bestie from Standard.
"What up girl!" Yuzu reciprocated, hugging Selena back.
"Wow!" Selena exclaimed, looking Yuzu up and down, "I didn't expect this fashion change from you. Did you swap clothes with someone again?"
"Eh… I don't do that anymore." Yuzu shrugged, "Lately people have just been handing me new outfits. Yugo gives me a riding suit, Asuka gives me a You Show outfit, and now I get to wear a new magical girl outfit that came free with the contract I signed with the Incubator race."
"Oh really!?" came Yuri's voice from somewhere, "So I guess it turns out that Yuzu is just as stupid as my ace monster. What a surprise! I ought to just let the two of you be together so you can go out and destroy the multiverse monkey-paw style with your stupid Faustian bargains!"
"Where the heck is that coming from?" Selena asked, looking around. "I thought we knocked Yuri out."
"No!" Yuri's voice roared, "You knocked out my body which is currently being possessed by that freakin random demon!"
"Oh great!" Yuzu groaned, "Don't tell me I have to deal with the real Yuri now. I can't stand that guy!"
"Feeling's mutual!" Yuri's voice growled. "Now then… why don't you help me out of here and we can settle things once and for all between us!"
"Help you out of where?" Selena asked. "I don't see you anywhere around here."
"Look inside my pocket! I'm inside my pocket!" Yuri's voice roared.
"You do realize how ridiculous that last sentence sounded… right?" Yuzu snickered.
"JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE SO I CAN CARD BOTH YOUR SORRY SKIRTS ONCE AND FOR ALL!" the voice screamed. Sure enough, as Yuri raved, they could see a pocket of air push against the fabric of his pants. Curious, Selena reached inside Yuri's pocket and pulled out a card with a picture of Yuri's red-hot angry face on the front.
"Finally!" Yuri's card face screamed, "Took you long enough!"
Selena almost dropped the card. Yuzu's eyes bulged like dinner plates.
"Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah! What the heck happened!? How did you end up in there!?" Yuzu and Selena sputtered in unison.
The veins on card Yuri's painted face pulsed with unfathomable rage. "Oh gee… I don't know! Maybe we can ask my ace monster! Or better yet, the stinkin' demon he made a contract with, which apparently involved ripping out my soul and putting it in a card so he could take over my body!"
Starve Venom poked his head into the corner of Yuri's card. "Yuri?" he asked when he saw his now ink and cardboard companion. "YURI!" he cheered, running up to give his master a hug.
Yuri's face turned white as a ghost. "No!" he panicked, "No-no! No-no! No-no! Not this! Anything but this!"
He tried to run away, but only managed to bonk his head against the side of the card frame before falling into Starve Venom's outstretched arms.
"OH THIS IS SO GREAT!" Venom roared. "I always wondered when you'd visit the card world with me! We're gonna have so much fun here! Wait till I call over your other buddies from the card world!"
Yuri's forehead started beading with sweat. "Venom…" he shivered, "…you're not meaning…"
"Oh but of course I am!" Venom laughed. "Remember all those friends we played tag with in all those dimensions? Well they're all here! Dr. Faker, Haruto, Mr. Heartland, Gauche, Droite, Rio, Ryouga, Yuma, Katori, Yusei, Aki, Rua, Ruka, Madame Sherry Le'Blanc, Judai, Manjoume, Tanner, Halil, Olga… about ten or twelve thousand more I can't remember… THERE ALL HERE!"
"NO!" Yuri panicked, struggling to get out of Venom's hug. "NOT THEM! ANYBODY BUT THEM!" Suddenly A LOT of people crowded Yuri's card.
"Oh you'd better believe Judai's gonna choke this little punk for taking my series away from me!" Judai growled, eyes glowing Yubel green and orange.
"Not before I kick his butt into the Barian World!" Yuma roared, grabbing at Yuri's cape.
Yusei cracked his knuckles. "Just leave some for me and my Over Accel Synchro Monster when you're done!"
"Now guys!" Venom scolded, "There'll be plenty of time for EVERYONE to catch up with Yuri, just be patient and wait your…" the rest of Starve Venom's sentence was cut off as everyone Yuri had ever carded started fighting to get at Yuri first.
"HE'S MINE!" Judai screamed, "He shoved me inside my locker like a complete jerk and then carded me when I wouldn't give him my lunch money!"
"NO HE'S MINE!" Yuma hollered, "I was just hangin' out with my friends, minding my own business, occasionally going Super-Sayan when I Zexal Morphed, and this guy comes out of nowhere, blows up my city, and then has his stupid dragon hug me and Number 39 until we both explode into cards!"
"Well at least he didn't try and steal your girlfriend." Yusei muttered.
"Yeah!" Aki agreed, "He totally interrupted our romantic date!"
Yusei rolled his eyes, "Aki… we've been through this already. That was not a date. I just agreed to take you home to your parent's house since you were running late and your D-wheeler was in the shop. We agreed that the only thing we really like about each other is our dueling."
"Awwwwww…" Aki whined, "But that's gonna make so many fans upset!"
"I'm sorry Aki," Yusei apologized, looking dark, epic, and conflicted, "but it's the lonely road I must travel! A Yu-Gi-Oh protagonist must devote their entire life to trading cards! I couldn't let my career get sullied by romance!"
"But then who's the girlfriend you were talking about!?" Aki protested.
"I told you already, Aki, I'm in love with trading cards. Gosh! Didn't you get that from my last sentence?"
"Well if you're gonna be mean, at least let me hammer this punk with my Black Rose Dragon!" Aki snapped, yanking angrily at one of Yuri's arms.
"SELENA! YUZU! VENOM! FREAKING LEO DANCER FOR ALL I CARE! ANYBODY! HELP MEEEEEE!" Yuri screamed in complete desperation.
"Should we help him?" Yuzu asked, looking mildly concerned.
"Mmmmm… I don't know…" Selena mused with a slight grin on her face. "…I mean… I still haven't heard him apologize for earlier."
"SELENA!" Yuri snarled as Starve Venom struggled to maintain order.
"Apologize." Selena smirked, enjoying Yuri's torment.
"NEVER!" Yuri hissed.
"Hey Starve Venom?" Selena asked, "I really think I need a hug. Would you mind leaving Yuri's side for a moment and letting me Fusion Summon you?"
Starve Venom's multiple mouths started panting with excitement.
"No! No!" Yuri panicked, "Venom… if you leave me now… these guys will bury me alive in the Shadow Realm and dance on my grave!"
"Oh I am so sorry, Yuri!" Venom protested, "But I can't just leave Selena hanging! I promise that once I've cheered up your girlfriend…"
Yuri hissed like a feral cat.
"…then I'll come right back here to hang out with your friends! Don't worry, buddy. You'll have lots of fun with these people while I'm gone!"
"Heeere Venom, Venom!" Selena called out like she was talking to a kitten, "I've got a Fusion and two wittle DARK monsters to fuse together just for yooou!"
"I COMMAND YOU TO NOT LISTEN TO HER!" Yuri commanded, struggling to keep himself in one piece as his former opponents pressed on him like a horde of zombies.
"Whelp!" Selena sighed, "Looks like Yuri's not gonna apologize, and I know Venom is just DYING to get Fusion Summoned right now." She slowly lowered the Fusion card to her Duel Disk. "I guess I'll just…"
"I'M SORRY!" Venom screamed in complete desperation. "DID YOU HEAR ME!? I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY! HAPPY NOW!? ARE YOU GONNA FREAKING GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!?"
"Say Moon-Lights are better than Predator Plants." Selena commanded, wagging the Fusion Card over her Duel Disk.
"Moon-Lights are better than Predator Plants." Yuri mumbled under his breath.
"What was that?" Selena asked, "You know… my arm's getting kind of tired holding up this Fusion Card."
"I can believe that!" Yuri sneered. "A weak little girl like you who gets high every other day on nerve gas!"
"WHAT WAS THAT!?" Selena roared.
"MOON-LIGHTS ARE BETTER THAN PREDATOR PLANTS!" Yuri whimpered, barely managing to stop Selena before she slammed Fusion against her Duel Disk.
"That's what I thought you said." Selena smirked. "Now I just need you to do one more thing."
"ANYTHING!" Yuri hollered, "ANYTHING!"
"Repeat after me:" Selena instructed, "My hair…"
"My hair…!" Yuri snarled.
"…looks like…" Selena prompted.
"…looks like…!" Yuri panicked, struggling to stay as close to his protective Ace Monster as possible.
"… a… purple… cabbage!" Selena finished with a smirk.
"NO… IT… DOESN'T!" Yuri roared, kicking Ryouga in the shins before he could drag him away.
"Bye Yuri." Selena waved, "Have fun with the people you carded."
"WAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIT!" Yuri wailed as four of his previous opponents each grabbed a limb. "I'll say it! I'll freaking say it!"
"Oh… you don't have to…" Selena grinned, "I mean, it's not like the people you've carded are THAT angry with you."
"MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE A PURPLE CABBAGE! MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE A PURPLE CABBAGE! MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE A PURPLE CABBAGE! THERE! I SAID IT THREE TIMES! NOW GET… ME… OUT OF HERE!" Yuri roared.
"Okay… okay." Selena sighed. "Sheesh! You're such a whiner. Just give me and Yuzu a bit of time to think about how we're gonna do it."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Yuri bellowed, going ape on former Yu-Gi-Oh protagonists and secondary characters with tons of karate moves.
"Guys!" Venom exclaimed as the friendly roughhousing got a bit out of hand. "I enjoy a nice little romp and roughhousing myself, but when people start wanting to tear each other's limbs off, that's the time to just relax and hug it out. Like this!" Venom enthusiastically extended his wing and hip tentacles around everyone in the card while grasping them in a gigantic embrace with Yuri pressed right up against his chest.
"Can't breathe!" Yuri gasped. "Can't… die… now! Must… kill… someone! Must… destroy… everything!"
Yuzu and Selena watched as everyone else gasped for breath, pleaded with Venom to let them have at Yuri, or occasionally, forgot all about their anger and hugged Venom back.
"Do we REALLY want to help Yuri out?" Yuzu asked, "I mean… it's not like he's gonna actually apologize for what he's done and NOT chase us around every dimension in this multiverse."
"Oh believe me, I am NOT interested in helping this guy out." Selena agreed, "I'd just as soon let him stay in the card world. Besides… I don't even know if there is a way we can rip out that demon and put his spirit back in its body."
"Well…" Yuzu thought, scratching her chin with her magical girl paper fan, "you make a good point about the demon. I mean… I guess we can't let Bill Cipher run around in Yuri's body while carding duelists… or worse. Out of either threat, Yuri is definitely the least terrifying."
"HEY!" Yuri snarled.
Yuzu ignored him. "I could probably use my new magical girl powers to transport our spirits into Yuri's mental world so we can exorcise Bill. It'd be risky, but not as risky as letting Bill wake up and run around like a maniac."
"We could always just burn the body." Selena offered, holding up a lighter.
"DON'T YOU DARE!" Yuri managed to roar, despite his rapid loss of oxygen.
Yuzu put her hands on her hips. "Selena! What do I keep telling you!? No carding or burning your opponents alive!"
"Awwww…" Selena whined, "But it's been so long! I really wanna maul something for once! Yuri's already pretty much been carded. Can't I just burn him a little bit?"
"No! Bad Selena! Bad!" Yuzu scolded, smacking the lighter out of Selena's hand. "Now go sit in the corner until the violent killer instincts wear off!"
"Oh okay." Selena groaned. "Don't worry, you don't have to spray me with a spray bottle like you did when I was going after Shun and Dennis. I'll let Yuri live… for now."
"Eh… that's good enough for me." Yuzu shrugged. She picked up Yuri's card. "Okay Yuri, I've got something figured out. We'll help you get your body back, but if we do… you've gotta promise to not only work with us, but not hunt us down and try and capture us the second you get your body back… okay?"
"Sure… fine… whatever!" Yuri gasped as Starve Venom patted him on the head and continued his hug.
"Everybody feeling better now?" Starve Venom asked when everyone had calmed down.
"Yep!" someone panted. "We're… totally… calm… now! So could you please… just… let us down? I think… my abdomen… is extra… 2D… now!"
Starve Venom let the entire crowd go. Gasping for breath, everyone staggered onto their feet and struggled to recover from Starve Venom's overwhelming love.
"This…" Judai panted, "This isn't over yet! I'm gonna totally… take you down… Supreme King style… once I lie down… for a bit."
"Astral?" Yuma called out, looking like he was in a complete daze. "Daddy? Mommy? Is that you?"
"And through all that." Yusei proclaimed, "I still remain the coolest Yu-Gi-Oh protagonist in history." He swayed like a drunken man. "And yet… I still think I'm gonna fall over and faint like Ruka!" he fell flat on his face.
"Hey!" Ruka whined. "I'm not THAT sickly!
"Sorry…" Leo Dancer yawned, walking into the card. "I was just taking a nap. What did I miss?"
"Apparently we get to go inside Yuri's head and fight a demon." Selena explained.
"That sounds pretty fun." said Leo Dancer, stretching her arms out. She looked around at the mountain of bodies lying around Starve Venom and Yuri. "Woah! Did you do this Venom?"
"YES!" Yuri hastily replied. "He totally wasted ALL these guys with his savage battle skills because he's an AWESOME ace monster who's bad to the bone!"
"Well actually…" Venom began.
Yuri clamped his hands over Venom's main mouth. "Actually, I wasted about half these guys because I'm a total beast. But Venom was still pretty savage!"
"Wow!" Leo Dancer nodded, looking impressed. "I didn't think you had it in you, Venom. Of course… I could've done the same thing and nuked these guys with my own ability."
"ANYWAY!" Yuri continued, giving Venom no time to protest. "Are we going to be entering my mind anytime soon? I REALLY want to tear that demonic triangle into… half a triangle!"
"Just a second!" Venom called back, picking up all the bodies of Yuri's past opponents, who were now napping like three-year-olds, before depositing each of them in their own beds in the Starve Venom card. "Okay!" Venom called back when he had finished, "I'm ready now!" he rushed back into Yuri's card. "I wouldn't want to miss this adventure with two of my bestest friends in the whole multiverse!" he enthused, hugging Yuri and Leo Dancer.
"Hey! Venom!" Leo Dancer protested, letting herself rub her fluffy head against Venom's chest despite her anger. "Who said you could hug me!? I don't even like your hugs!"
"Then why are you purring so much?" Venom asked feeling her gentle vibrations.
"I… I'm not purring!" Leo Dancer protested, turning beet red. "This… this is… growling! Yes! I'm growling b-because I hate you so much! Honestly!" she vented, pulling herself away from Venom, tail angrily twitching, "To think I have to deal with you right now!"
"You think this is bad?" Yuri groaned, "I have to go through this every day." He looked up at Yuzu and Selena who had started chatting about some random unimportant thing again.
"ARE YOU GONNA TRANSPORT US TO MY MIND OR WHAT!?" Yuri roared, getting their attention.
"You know…" Yuzu growled, "…if you're gonna be like that, I don't know if I will help you get your body back!"
"Oh… I'm sorry." Yuri sarcastically replied. "Let me try again… PLEASE FREAKING TRANSPORT ME INTO MY MIND SO I CAN DESTROY THAT DEMON BEFORE I DESTROY BOTH OF YOU!"
"That's probably the nicest he's ever gonna ask you." Selena sighed. "You might as well do it, Yuzu. He's just gonna blow out our ears with his screaming if we don't."
"You don't have to come with us if you don't want to." Yuzu said to her Fusion counterpart.
"Oh don't worry about me." Selena reassured her friend. "Beating up some king of random triangle demon sounds pretty fun to me. And besides… I've been wanting to hang with you for a while now."
"Awww… thank's girl!" Yuzu replied, "You're so cool!"
"I know," Selena answered, putting on a pair of sunglasses. "I know."
"Anyway!" Yuzu continued, "Now I just have to somehow open a portal into Yuri's brain so I can extract the demon from his body. HEY KYUUBEY!" she called. "GOT ANY SPELLS FOR THAT?"
"You know…" Kyuubey telepathically called back, appearing on Yuzu's shoulder, "… I can hear your thoughts just fine. You don't have to shout like that."
"Sorry." Yuzu apologized.
"Oh… it's okay." Kyuubey smiled. "I was on my way over here with my associates anyway."
A swarm of about a dozen other identical incubators appeared around Yuzu's feet before hopping over to examine Yuri's body.
"Okay… so this is Yuri." Kyuubey explained like he was giving a tour. The other Incubators stared down at Yuri's unconscious body with unblinking red eyes. "As you can see… it is utterly and completely consumed by a nearly infinite source of negative human emotions. In fact, it is my theory that Yuri is the very focal point of every angry and sorrowful human emotion in this multiverse. If we can harvest just a small portion of his rage, I believe we could permanently reverse all entropy in every known multiverse!"
"Oh yeah… reverse entropy!" Yuri chortled, "You little kitties couldn't reverse the direction a rat is going!"
"Hey!" one of the Incubators called back indignantly. "We can grant supernatural wishes. We can totes defy the laws of thermodynamics!"
"Wait!" Venom paused, picking up on something the incubator said. "Wait did you kitties say about granting wishes?"
"Oh… just that we can grant humans literally ANYTHING they want if they make a contract with us." Kyuubey explained, "Now be quiet please! I'm explaining to these esteemed Incubators how great a human battery you will make!"
"Sorry to interrupt your lecture." Yuzu interrupted, picking Kyuubey up by the nape of his neck, "But I'd REALLY like to take care of Bill Cipher before he comes to and threatens to destroy everything."
"We'll continue the lecture in Yuri's body." Kyuubey called back to the other incubators before looking back at Yuzu. "Okay then… are you ready?"
"What do I have to do?" Yuzu asked.
"There should be a journal inside my back." Kyuubey explained, opening up a flap on top of his white and red back.
"A journal?" Yuzu asked, looking extremely puzzled.
"Yeah… I was wandering around the multiverses when I came across a few books that had been mostly burned to ash." Kyuubey explained. "They looked pretty interesting, so I just used some of my reserve store of negative human emotion energy to reverse entropy on the books and restore them to their original form."
"Uh-huh…" Yuzu replied, reaching into Kyuubey's back and pulling out a tattered journal with a six-fingered hand and the number "3" on the cover. She flipped through a few pages before coming to a page on Bill Cipher.
"Okay! Here it is!" she exclaimed. "Everybody ready?"
"Are you!?" Yuri snarled. "Or are you gonna forget to put your Fusion Monsters in the Extra Deck again?"
"Gonna pretend I didn't hear that one." Yuzu muttered, placing Yuri's card over his body. "Okay… for real this time!" She put Selena's hand on Yuri's forehead before placing her own white-gloved hand on Yuri's head.
"Ewwww!" Selena squirmed. "Yuri! Your forehead feels like a grease pit! Have you ever taken a shower in the past few days!?"
"Real men don't need showers!" Yuri countered, folding his arms over his chest defiantly.
"Well that explains why you haven't made any friends." Selena replied, plugging her nose with her other hand.
"I'm starting!" Yuzu declared, not wanting to waste any more time.
"Hold tight to my hand Leo Dancer." Venom admonished.
"Yeah… nice try Venom." Leo Dancer hissed folding her arms over her chest.
"Fidentus omnium!" Yuzu chanted, as the eyes of Selena, Yuri, Starve Venom, Leo Dancer, all the Incubators, and herself glowed blue, "Magister mentium! Magnesium ad hominem! Magnum opus! Habeas corpus! Inceptus Nolanus Overratus! MAGISTER MENTIUM, MAGISTER MENTIUM, MAGISTER MENTIUUUUUUM!"
As Yuzu finished her chant, a massive pillar of light rose from Yuri's forehead. Before anyone could react, the pillar expanded outward, blinding everyone with intense light as the world disappeared around them.
…
When the light had faded away and their vision returned, Yuzu and Selena found themselves sitting on the docks of a forlorn grey island. Standing above them, Starve Venom Fusion Dragon, and Moon-Light Leo Dancer had somehow managed to assume their physical holographic forms without being Fusion Summoned.
"Woah!" Selena exclaimed. "Is this Academia?"
Yuzu got up and looked around. Sure enough, just like Selena had said, Yuri's mental landscape was dominated by a grey representation of Academia's giant castle. However, unlike Academia's castle, Yuri's mental representation of Academia looked dark and twisted with portions of brick towers missing and pieces of roof ominously hovering in the sky above the island. Other than the bracelet girls and two ace monsters, there was not a living soul in sight. Other than an eerie wind, there was absolutely no sound.
"Yep." Yuzu agreed. "This is definitely the inside of Yuri's mind. But gee… even I wasn't expecting it to be this creepy!"
"You're telling me! This place is a dump! Somebody ought to clean it up!" Leo Dancer observed.
"Well…" Starve Venom reasoned, "… the exterior of Yuri's mind might not be all that great, but I'm sure the inside is nothing but sunshine and rainbows!"
"Where is Yuri by the way?" Selena asked, looking around. Suddenly, the unsettling silence was interrupted by the sound of intense screaming.
"Is that you, Yuri?" Starve Venom asked, looking above everyone's heads. From the grey sky up above, Venom managed to catch a glimpse of Yuri falling through the air before his fall was broken when he landed face-first in the middle of a garbage pile of a conveniently placed garbage barge.
Yuri flailed his legs into the air, rending the air with his tortured cries.
"You okay in there?" Yuzu timidly asked.
"KIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL!" Yuri roared, jumping out of the garbage pile before tearing apart the boat with super-human strength as his eyes glowed purple. "DESTOY YOU AND EVERYTHING! DESTROY YOU AND EVERYTHING! DESTROY! DESTROY! DEEEEESTROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY!"
"Now as you gentle-incubators may have observed," said Kyuubey, suddenly materializing near Yuri along with his other Incubators. This angry version of Yuri which I have taken the liberty of dubbing, 'Going Completely Bananas Yuri…'"
"Wouldn't 'Berserk Yuri' save a lot more time?" one of the Incubators interrupted.
"Please hold all questions until after the lecture." Kyuubey replied. "Now as you can see, Going Completely Bananas Yuri, or Bananas Yuri if you really want to save time, is producing immense, almost supernatural, amounts of human misery and anger. Observe the twisted face, the glowing purple eyes, the black aura of shadow, the desire to mindlessly destroy everything in sight. This, gentle-incubators, I believe is the answer to our thermodynamics problem."
"W-what?" Yuri gasped, slowly coming back to his senses. "Did it work? Are we in my mind? I'm not too sure. I blacked out for a second there."
"Just keep smiling." Yuzu warned Selena who nodded her head. They definitely did NOT want a repeat of the subway incident in Synchro.
"Awww." One of the incubators whined. "I was just taking some notes. Now we have to wait for him to go bananas again."
"Don't worry." Kyuubey reassured the little incubator. "That will be VERY soon."
"What are you guys talking about?" Yuri asked.
"Oh… nothing important." Kyuubey replied, smiling innocently.
"Speaking of nothing important." Yuri nervously began, "You guys wouldn't happen to… uhm… be offering some… oh I don't know… all powerful wishes for uh… a simple magical contract… which I'm not necessarily obligated to honor." Yuri added under his breath.
Yuzu and Selena began laughing their heads off.
"Oh… wow!" Selena snickered, "I knew you were weird Yuri, but I had NO idea you secretly wanted to become a magical girl!"
"Yeah!" Yuzu agreed, rolling on the ground with laughter, "Is that why you kidnapped Ruri and Rin? Because you couldn't handle the competition?"
"Oh but I think Yuri would make a great magical girl!" Venom encouraged. "He already does a great job when he dresses up like a kitten!"
"He dresses up like a kitten!?" Selena guffawed.
"NO!" Yuri snarled, blushing with embarrassment and anger. "I'm not… you…" he couldn't figure out what to say so he just picked Kyuubey up by the ears. "Look can I just get my wish or are you not hiring magical boys!?"
"Ewww!" Kyuubey gasped, sticking out his cat tongue. "No way man! We are NOT doing Earth High Defense Club Love again! That was… THE WORST… decision we EVER made!" All the incubators gave a collective shudder.
"Well maybe you ought to make that decision again, Bub!" Yuri threatened, "Or better yet… maybe you should just give me my wish WITHOUT me having to make that stupid contract! Otherwise… the next worse decision you kittens are gonna make is denying Yuri something when he wants it… REALLY BADLY!"
Kyuubey just rolled his red eyes. "Look Yuri… I already told you. None of your threats mean anything to me. Infinite bodies. Remember?"
"Well let's test that out, shall we?" Yuri snickered, grinning evilly. "How about I just…" he suddenly noticed something in the distance. "WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!" he screamed, almost wetting his pants.
Suddenly, the surrounding area was surrounded by a bunch of stop-motion paper plates, demonic sock puppets, dolls, purple kittens, and puppets, none of which matched the animation style. Towering over everything, I gigantic Claymation clown leered down at everyone before making a slow and jerky swipe at the group.
"Wraiths!" Kyuubey warned. "Looks like Yuri's negative energy has already caused them to materialize!"
"Leo Dancer!" Selena commanded, rolling out of the way of the giant clown's fists, "Get that thing!"
"Oh you messed with the wrong cat girl!" Leo Dancer hissed, leaping into the air and running her sword strait into the clown's chest. The clown looked down at the sword and just laughed, swiping Leo Dancer off its chest with one flick of its finger.
"I've got you babe!" Stave Venom called, stretching out his left wing and catching Leo Dancer in his left wing's impossibly massive mouth before she hit the ground.
"Ugh… thank's Venom." Leo Dancer groaned. "Now I only have to die of bad breath." She dropped her head against Venom's left wing's tongue before Venom had his left wing spit her out.
Venom rushed forward once Leo Dancer had safely landed on the ground and started wiping his saliva off her.
"Venom!" Leo Dancer hissed, "I can do it myself!" she started grooming herself, trying to straighten out her slimy fur.
"Oh it's no trouble… really!" Venom apologized. "I'm just happy that you made it out safe and sound."
"Stop hanging out with Leo Dancer and smash that clown into a pancake!" Yuri hollered.
"But we don't even know this guy!" Venom protested. "He might just be trying to give us a hug but doesn't know his own strength, now I'm sure if I just…"
"No Venom!" Yuri roared, pulling at his hair. "I am not putting up with this anymore! YOU ARE A STINKING DRAGON! NOW FLY UP TO THE SKY, RIP HIS ARMS OFF WITH YOUR TEETH AND CLAWS, AND BURN HIM TO ASHES WITH YOUR FIERY BREATH! OR I'LL…"
The rest of Yuri's sentence was cut off as the giant clay clown took notice of Yuri made a swipe for him. Yuri and the incubators jumped off the boat and onto the docks as the Play-doh clown brought its fist on the garbage barge, smashing the boat in half. Once he landed on the docks, Yuri pulled out his Duel Disk and grinned up at the clown like a maniac.
"Well I guess if Venom's not up for the job!" Yuri hissed with sadistic pleasure, "I guess I can cool off and take a relaxing break destroying something! I Fusion Summon my never-before-seen, awesome, fantastic, and completely mind-blowingly amazing Predator Plants boss monster, Predator Plants…"
"Leave it to me!" Yuzu interrupted, "Leaping into the air, straight towards the clown's face. "Magical Girl powers go!" she declared, slamming her paper fan against its cheek. Instantly, with a demonic laugh, the poorly animated clown exploded into bits of clay, most of which landed right on top of Yuri.
"Whelp." Yuzu sighed, wiping her gloves off before putting her fan away. "That was pretty easy."
"Wow!" Selena gasped, astonished by Yuzu's power, "That was amazing!"
"Yeah!" Yuri mumbled sarcastically, voice muffled by the clay, "Real fantastic! Hey Venom! How about you be useful for once and pull me out of here!"
"I've got you buddy." Venom reassured his master, popping Yuri out of the clay with a single tug.
"So what do we do now?" Leo Dancer asked, flicking off some more saliva before shaking even more out of her leonine mane.
"Well…" Yuzu thought as she surveyed the environment. "…we should be okay for the moment. If any more wraiths like that one show up, just leave them to me. All we gotta do now is sneak into that castle, make sure we're not seen, and ambush Bill Cipher before he even sees us coming!"
"Oh yeah, ambush Bill Cipher! That sounds like a great plan!" Bill Cipher laughed, materializing right behind Yuzu. "I really love the way you think, Pink Lemon!"
"Eeep!" Yuzu squealed, back flipping away from the triangular demon.
"That was some mighty fine handiwork you did to Yuri's body back there, by the way." Bill Cipher smirked. "It's really too bad I don't feel any of Yuri's pain. But hey! I'm sure Yuri appreciates the fan slap!"
"YOU!" Yuri roared, charging at Bill Cipher like an angrily gorilla. He lunged at the triangular demon and attempted to punch him. The instant his fist was about to make contact with Bill, Bill Cipher suddenly phased through Yuri like a ghost, leaving the professor's main henchman to flail in the air as his forward momentum caused him to dive head-first off the docks and into the ocean.
"Freaking… cheating… stupid…!" Yuri grumbled to himself as he crawled back onto the docks, dripping water everywhere.
"Well…well…well," Bill Cipher boomed, growing three times his regular size as he loomed over the trio of humans, two duel monsters, and thirteen incubators, "It looks like all the players are gathered. I was wondering when you'd all show up, Crescent Moon, Cat-Nip, Smiley Face, Pink Lemon, Purple Cabbage… how you doing!?
"My name is NOT Purple Cabbage!" Yuri roared, ripping some sea-weed out of his hair. "And what the heck do you want with my body anyway!"
"Yeah," Venom agreed, "I mean… I know his body's really cute and huggable…" Steam poured from Yuri's ears as he growled at his ace monster. "But seriously! What happened to helping Yuri out on his date!?"
"Look Smiley Face," Bill Cipher sneered, "you're not the first guy I've made a deal with! After I got erased from Stanley's mind in my original multiverse, I was forced to spend my time wandering around the lonely multiverse of fanfiction! Do you know what that's like! Poor grammar, bad spelling, uninspired plot lines! I was willing to do ANYTHING to get out of this mess. So I met a guy who had a similar problem to mine, and we…" his right hand burst into blue flame, "made a deal!"
"What deal!?" Yuri snarled, "What master!?"
"Yeah, tell us!" Yuzu agreed, "Or I'm gonna do to you what I did to that wraith just now!"
"Ha ha!" Bill Cipher laughed, "Fat chance of that, Pink Lemon! But I'll oblige!" he teased, flicking her in the nose. "Boy that thing sure is springy!" he snickered.
"Ouch!" Yuzu cried, "Stop doing that!"
"Well since there's no way you can stop me anyway…" Bill Cipher gloated, leaning his back against the air like there was an invisible wall, "basically, I was sent here to retrieve a memory!" his triangular face flickered showing all kinds of scenes of Yuri in many places and in many different stages of his life. "Inside the vast falls of this mental representation of Academia lie thousands of doors containing hundreds of thousands of Yuri's anguished memories, and within one of those doors is a particularly interesting memory of a super ancient and evil entity of untold power! All I have to do is search through Yuri's mind, retrieve that memory, and my partner-in-crime will pay me handsomely!"
"Evil entity of untold power?" Yuri asked, sounding interested.
"We're not letting you get away with it!" Yuzu countered, holding up her paper fan.
"You'd better believe it!" Selena agreed, "By the time we're done with you, you'll be even more two-dimensional than you already are!"
Bill Cipher snickered.
"Ha! Fat chance of that! I've been reading up on all the Fanfiction literature! I know everything about you guys! Your hopes, dreams…" he leered at them, eye narrowing, "…love interests!"
"Oh please!" Selena smirked, tossing back her ponytail. "Like a strong independent woman like me would actually have a love interest!"
Bill Cipher snapped his fingers.
Instantly, in a puff of dark and anguished smoke, a copy of Yuri materialized next to Selena, only this one was WAY cooler. He had a ragged black and red cape that draped over his shoulders like bat wings. His dark leather outfit was smooth and tight, giving everyone a full view of his bulging biceps, sharp triceps, carved calve muscles, sculptured chest, and steely six-pack abdomen. His skin was pale and his handsome eyebrows cast shadows over his eyes, giving him a deep and brooding expression. But the greatest difference between himself and the other Yuri was a large pair of fangs that extended past his cherry-red lower lip. Tossing back his luxurious pink and violet hair in slow motion, he slowly turned towards Selena before asking, "I have come from the twisted and dark world of Yu-Gi-Oh Arc Vampires my lady. How may I serve you?"
"Oooh hoo hoo hoo!" Selena panted, gawking at vampire Yuri like a complete idiot. "I know exactly how you can serve me!"
"Really?" Yuri griped, "This is what you like?"
"Oh shut up Yuri!" Selena snapped, "This guy's awesome! Tell them your back story!"
Vampire Yuri stared forlornly into the distance. "My story cannot be told with mere words." He groaned, bowing his head and closing his eyes like a tragedian. "It is a tale of anguish, woe, depression, drama, duty, conflicting desires, and above all… romance!"
"Oh give me a break!" Yuri gagged, clutching his stomach in disgust.
"Every day, I would ask myself… 'What am I!?' Am I human? Am I vampire!? Should I fight for the humans even though they will probably stake me like some monster? Or should I give in to my inner darkness and feast on their blood like Selena the Vampire Queen and her vile minions!? I lost my father and my mother to a horde of frightened villagers, and later, I had no choice but to save my little sister from my werewolf friend, Dennis, who betrayed me after our races declared war on each other! I did not want to kill my friend, but he left me with no other options when he used the power of the blood-moon to transform into a raging beast without mercy or reason! After that… I left everything behind and wandered the four dimensions, slaying evil vampires and werewolves while trying to keep my own vicious urge for human blood in check! I knew what was right… but I was so conflicted! Were it not for the care of a brave human girl who looked just like my wicked queen, I would have given in to the inner beast and lost my soul!"
Yuzu, Leo Dancer, and Starve Venom brushed tears from their eyes as they listened to Vampire Yuri's tragic story. Yuri found a nearby garbage can and began vomiting out the contents of his stomach while Selena squealed with delight like a fan-girl.
"Can I straighten your cape?" Selena panted, fingers quivering as she reached out for Vampire Yuri.
"I can't involve you anymore in my tragic story!" Vampire Yuri mourned, "But yes… I will let you straighten my cape… this one last time!" Selena started going nuts as she ran her fingers through every inch of Vampire Yuri's cape while he looked stoically off into the distance. Yuri finished vomiting and began walking back towards the others before he spied Selena rubbing Vampire Yuri's shoulders and immediately felt sick again.
"There's no way you can beat me kids!" Bill Cipher gloated. "I mean just look at you, Purple Cabbage! You're probably a better duelist than Crescent Moon and Pink Lemon combined!"
"Hey!" Selena and Yuzu angrily screamed in unison.
"But all you've managed to do so far is show everyone the reason you still can't get a girlfriend! Unlike your other WAY cooler counterparts!" he gestured towards Selena, who was still drooling over Vampire Yuri.
Yuri suddenly didn't feel sick. He felt enraged… VERY enraged, more enraged than he had ever felt before, which is saying something considering this is Yuri we're talking about. With a violent kick, he blasted the trash can into the mental stratosphere before his eyes glowed bright purple, his hair stood up in the air, and his body radiated deep black shadows.
"DESTROY YOU!" Yuri roared in an insane demonic voice before rampaging towards Bill Cipher with murderous intent.
"Ah oh!" Bill Cipher exclaimed, looking slightly concerned.
"Wait Yuri!" Starve Venom yelled, grabbing Berserk, Going Completely Bananas, or just plain Bananas if you want to save time, Yuri as he snarled and bit at the triangular demon. "I'm sure we can all come to an understanding if we just settle down and talk for a bit!"
"DESTROY! DESTROOOOOOOOOOOOY!" Yuri roared, foaming at the mouth.
"Sorry Billy." Venom apologized, rocking Yuri in his arms like a baby while Yuri flailed around like a demon-possessed fiend, "He's usually much more coherent than this. He's kind of reminding me of when I used to only speak dragon. But anyway, I know the fanfiction multiverse can be a little rough… believe me, I read through all of it when I transformed into Sappy Venom Ultimate Egao Dragon… but I'm sure I can find a nice story for you! Now if you just calm down like my buddy Yuri here…" Yuri violently bit down on one of Starve Venom's orbs. Starve Venom flinched a little but continued, "… and return his body to him, we can all just laugh about this one day once we become best friends!"
"Oh gee Smiley Face, that's a great idea!" Bill Cipher smirked, "Here's mine! Why don't I keep Yuri's body and laugh about this right now!" Without warning, he extended his finger towards Yuri and Venom and blasted them back into the distant ocean with a bright red laser blast before laughing like a psychopath and zooming away towards the castle with Yuzu, Selena, Leo Dancer, and Vampire Yuri in hot pursuit.
…
Starve Venom barely managed to come to and start flapping his wings, before his best pal, Yuri, and himself landed roughly on the deck of a pirate ship in the middle of Yuri's mental ocean. Shaking his head, Yuri's dark aura slowly faded away while his eyes and hair returned to his, somewhat less angry, self.
"What… what happened?" Yuri asked shaking his head. "Why do I keep blacking out? And where the heck are we!?"
"Aaaar! Ye be on the flag ship of the dread pirate Captain Solo!" A pirate captain wearing a purple coat, yellow shield shaped duel disk, half a pair of glasses, and a red pirate hat declared.
"The yet to be seen dread pirate Captain Solo!" Venom exclaimed. "I thought you didn't come out until episode 115!"
"Arrr… ye be right Venom, ye be right!" Captain Solo agreed, "and since I haven't yet made me debut, Donjusticia is being a scurvy curr and making me character as cliché and generic as possible!
"What the heck!?" Yuri exclaimed, "What's this joker doing here? And in my mind of all places!?"
"Ye better be watching yer scurvy tongue or I'll be cuttin' it outta yer scurvy ridden teeth boy!" Captain Solo threatened, advancing on Yuri with a cutlass.
"Oh please!" Yuri threatened, "Like a bunch of Jokers like you could possibly be a threat to me! I'll wipe the floor with you! You know why!?"
"Arrr… why ye bein' swabbin' the decks with us when ye be outnumbered!?" Captain Solo roared, summoning a horde of duel pirates that surrounded Yuri and Venom.
"Because I'm the strongest duelist in the multiverse!" Yuri roared, "And this time…" he activated his duel disk, "… I haven't lost this baby in a junk-pile!"
"Arrr… that be true." Captain Solo agreed, "But we be havin' yer comrades captured!" he pointed up to the sky with his cutlass towards the crow's nest of the ship where the incubators were all tied up together.
"What!?" Yuri blinked, "How did those kittens get over here!?"
"Oh we just teleported on over." Kyuubey explained nonchalantly, licking his paw as if the situation didn't concern him. "I must admit, we're learning quite a bit about how you produce such a surplus of negative human emotions."
"One false step my boy and yer precious kittens up there will be havin' the liver ripped from their white-bellied guts!" Captain Solo threatened, "Now… ye better be walkin' the plank er submitin' to some other generic pirate punishment or we be crossin' swords right now so I can stab ye in yer yellaw-bellied gizzard!"
"Nobody!" Yuri growled, "And I mean… NOBODY, calls me 'yellaw-bellied' and gets away with it! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" he roared, extending the holographic sword projection on his Duel Disk before using it to parry the cutlasses of Captain Solo's treacherous crew.
Starve Venom looked on with complete confusion, occasionally gently pushing a couple pirates away when they harmlessly poked at his armored scales with their play-things.
"Yuri!" Starve Venom called, "how on earth did we end up in the middle of a sword fight with a bunch of swash-buckling pirates!?"
"It doesn't matter!" Yuri called back, parrying a blow from the captain while he climbed up the mast, "We must do everything in our power to save those kittens!"
"No Yuri!" Starve Venom exclaimed, concerned for Yuri's welfare, "There's no way you can beat Bill Cipher! He's just too powerful!"
"What!" Yuri called back, kicking a pirate in the face as he continued to scrambled up the mast towards the captured Incubators. "What do you mean, stop Bill Cipher!? What gave you the idea that I was trying to do that!?"
"Well that is what you are planning isn't it?" Venom called back, as he picked up a couple pirates with his hip tentacles and dumbed them into their quarters for a time-out. "You want to form a contract with the incubators so you can become a magical boy, stop Bill Cipher, and save your friends."
"What!? No!" Yuri protested, smacking another pirate away. "I just need those kitten/bunny thingies alive so I can torture a wish out of them later! But then yes… I probably will use one of those wishes to become more powerful than Bill Cipher. I just need to get my body back from him first!"
"So wait a minute!" Venom exclaimed, lazily flicking a couple more pirates off his tail, "You're telling me that you were NOT planning on helping Yuzu and the others defeat Bill Cipher?"
"Of course not!" Yuri laughed, "They can get blasted by that demon for all I care! It'll make capturing or carding them a whole lot easier once their souls are out of their bodies."
Venom put his hands on hips. "Now Yuri…" he scolded, "… I know it can be tempting to forget about your friends and pursue absolute power, but you've gotta realize…" he hugged a group of pirates with his tentacles, pulling them close to his smiling face, "… the real magic in this universe… is friendship!"
"Awwwww!" the pirates agreed, hugging Starve Venom back.
"Yeah… whatever Starve Venom!" Yuri snarled, leaping up to the incubators, "Guess who's getting his free wish!"
"Not ye, me harty!" Captain Solo growled, dropping down from a rope and landing in front of Yuri. "Now me boy, prepare to be sent to Davy Jone's locker!"
"You really are cliché, you know that?" Yuri asked with a disdainful expression on his face.
"Arrr… for now me boy! For now!" Captain Solo growled, "But just ye be waitin' fer episode 115 to come out! My real character's got depth and a real cool back story! I be tellin' ya, I's gonna be more than just an episodic villain!"
"Yeah…" Yuri grunted, crossing his Duel Disk blade with Captain Solo, "… I've kind of had my fill of characters with complex and emotionally scarring back stories for today!"
"Arrrr… ye'll be havin' yer fill of sea-water when I be finished with ya!" Captian Solo retorted, pushing back against Yuri. They continued crossing blades against each other, epic music playing in the background as neither of them gave an inch.
"Yuri," Venom sighed, "I know you're really into your little sword fight, but could you please leave the poor captain alone. I've already talked to the crew and paid for any damages we caused so there's no more reason for us to be here."
"Sure we do!" Venom snarled, slashing at Captain Solo, "I've still gotta teach this walking talking stereotype a lesson and GET… MY… FREE… WISH!" he parried another of Captain Solo's blows and kicked him back, laughing villainously as he rushed forward for the killing blow.
"Let's just go back to your mental version of Academia so we can help our friends out." Venom sighed, flying up to Yuri and scooping him and the incubators up before Yuri could do anything to the yet-to-be-released original Yu-Gi-Oh Arc V character.
"Bye Captain Solo!" Starve Venom called back. "Sorry for all the trouble my friend caused! He's really not that bad when you get to know him!"
"Venom!" Yuri screamed. "What did you do!? I had that stupid captain in my sights! I was about to run him through!"
"Yuri!" Venom scolded, "You can't incapacitate Captain Solo when he hasn't even officially appeared yet! What will the writers do for the episode?"
"What writers!? What episode!?" Yuri stammered, having absolutely no clue about what Starve Venom was talking about.
"I don't know." Starve Venom shrugged, "But anyway… let's go help our friends!"
"No wait!" Yuri panicked, "If you fly us there then I'm gonna get covered in…" A stream of drool leaked from Venom's left wing and splattered into Yuri's face.
"Blleeeerrrggghhh!" Yuri snarled, wiping the saliva out of his eyes. "Well…" he snarled, "I guess it's not all bad, at least I got those kittens!" he looked over at Venom's other arm but saw nothing inside. "Venom!" he roared, "Where did they go!? Did you drop my wishes… I mean… those helpless kittens!?"
"Oh they just teleported away." Venom replied, "They said something about not gaining any new data on your inner darkness and needing to check up on the progress of Yuzu's witch transformation… or something like that. I don't know. I have trouble following those guys."
"Whatever!" Yuri hissed, pulling his cape over his face, just in time to block another stream of drool. "Just… just get us back to Academia!"
…
Yuri and Venom managed to get back to Academia with relatively few problems, unless you count that side quest where Yuri had to destroy the one ring of power, or that time that Starve Venom took a detour to Equestria to teach Discord a lesson about friendship. When they reached Academia's docks, they found the place in ruins, with bits of play-doh, cake, paper mache, stuffing, and fabric all over the place.
"What happened here?" Yuri asked, poking through the debris.
"I don't know." Starve Venom replied, "But it looks like it was one epic party! I'd feel sorry for anyone who missed that action!"
"Yeah…" Yuri muttered, astounded by Starve Venom's optimism. "What's this?" he asked, noticing something glimmering on the ground. Dusting off some dust and rubble, he gasped with shock when he suddenly found Selena's bracelet, glimmering forlornly against the grey landscape without its owner anywhere in sight.
"Wha-what!?" Yuri quivered, cradling the bracelet in his hands. "Wh-how!?"
"Oh she must have lost it." Starve Venom reassured his friend. "I'll bet she'll be really happy when you return it to her!"
"Uhm… yeah… lost it." Yuri mumbled, carefully slipping the glittering bracelet over his own wrist like it was sacred while suppressing the tears he could feel leaking out of the corner of his eyes.
"Awww… Yuri!" Starve Venom cried, patting his friend on the back, "You don't have to be so upset! People lose things all the time! Now I'm sure if you return it to her…"
"This is all your fault!" Yuri growled, interrupting Starve Venom mid-sentence.
"Come again?" Starve Venom asked, wondering if he'd done something to make Selena lose her bracelet.
"You… stupid…!" Yuri cried, tears leaking out of the corner of his eyes, "If you hadn't of made that stupid contract with Bill… then she'd… then she'd…!" he broke down and started crying.
"Aww… Yuri, why are you crying?" Venom asked, gently patting Yuri on the back of the head.
"I'm not crying!" Yuri protested, "I'm too awesome for that! I've got… dust in my eyes… that's all!"
"Are you upset that I made that contract with Bill Cipher… and kind of did put us in this mess?"
"YES!" Yuri admitted, tears gushing down his cheeks.
"Awwww… there, there!" Venom cooed, picking up his tiny little human friend and giving him a great big hug while patting his back like a new-born infant. "It's all right. I am sorry I kind of caused this mess; I know I'm not the smartest dragon around, but we'll fix this, you'll see! We'll find Selena, give her, her bracelet back, you two can make up, maybe set up a romantic dinner while you're at it, well reunite with our friends, I'll make up with Leo Dancer, and we'll use the power of our new-found love and friendship to convince Bill Cipher to stop being such a meanie and become our friend!"
"You're right!" Yuri exclaimed, eyes getting big.
"You bet a Thousand Eyes Restrict I am!" Venom cheered, "Now let's…"
"It's not your fault!" Yuri interrupted, "IT'S BILL'S FAULT!" he ripped himself from Venom's arms and activated his Duel Disk. "You might be a completely stupid, idiot ace monster that might just destroy the world with his blatant idiocy, but you'd never intend to do it!"
"Uhm… I guess that's right?" Venom conceded, wondering where Yuri was going with his train of thought.
"Yes… that's right!" Yuri ruminated, "You're a complete and utter brain-dead idiot, no question about that, but at least you're not manipulative and deceitful like Bill Cipher… or me. But that's not the point! The point is… this is all Bill Cipher's fault and he's gonna pay for what he's done here! So I have one question for you Venom!" he proclaimed, spinning around and epically throwing back his cape, "Are you with me even if we travel through Hell itself!?"
"Well of course!" Venom cheered. "I've always wanted to visit new places. I hear Zorc Necrophades and the King of the Netherworld are two very congenial people! So I'd love to go to Hell with you!"
"Good!" Yuri growled, "Because if my mind's anything like what I'm feeling right now… that's exactly where we'll be headed!" he leaped onto Starve Venom's back, unsheathing his holographic sword from his Duel Disk and holding it aloft. "CHARGE VENOM! He roared, "CHARGE THROUGH THE GATES OF HELL!"
"FOR FRIENDSHIP!" Venom's eight mouths roared as they charged strait through the gates of Castle Academia and started running through the stone hallways. Yuri didn't even mind when Venom started to drool, he just gritted his teeth and let his red-hot rage evaporate all the saliva away before it could even touch his skin. Using his expert tracking skills, Venom spotted numerous signs of various scuffles. They had been here! And whoever was responsible for… he rubbed Selena's bracelet… was going to pay dearly!
"Down this hallway!" Yuri commanded, "No the other hallway!" he roared when Venom took a wrong turn.
"But I heard them!" Venom protested. "They're just in that spa over there."
"Don't you question… wait… what? Spa!?" Yuri asked, not expecting to hear that answer from Starve Venom.
"Yeah." Venom clarified, "This spa right here." He opened up a door while Venom hopped off Starve Venom's back. Unlike the dark-grey of the castle and the rest of Yuri's mind, the spa room was brightly lit and looked like an indoor beach. There was sand on the ground, and palm trees with plump coconuts growing in clusters on top. Jacuzzis, swimming pools, tanning salons, drink stands, and private steam rooms dotted the landscape. At one of the drink bars, Yuri spotted Yuzu, Selena, Leo Dancer, and Vampire Yuri wearing sunglasses and bathing suits while sipping tropical drinks.
"…"
"…"
"WHAT!?" Yuri bellowed, unable to believe what he was seeing. "What the heck are you idiots doing here!?"
"Yuzu's never gotten the chance to visit the Academia spa so I thought I'd show her around while we were here." Selena replied, taking a sip from her drink.
"I tell you what…" said Yuzu, smiling at Yuri, "…if I'd have known you guys had this place, I would have let you capture me a long time ago!"
"B-b-b-b-but!" Yuri stammered, "What was that outside!? All that debris!? I found your bracelet!" he held up Selena's bracelet as if it were proof of her death.
"Oh there's where it went!" Selena sighed, snagging her bracelet from Yuri's hands. "Sheesh, I must have dropped it during that epic battle with those wraiths."
"I feel sorry for anyone who missed that fight scene." Yuzu remarked, "I mean… it was so well choreographed, and so action packed!"
"And it wasn't just the action!" Selena agreed, "There was so much character development, and just the right balance between witty and comedic dialogue and dark and serious discussions."
"I liked how the end of the battle tied up all the loose ends perfectly before we took some time to relax at the spa." Yuzu reminisced.
"And I liked how I got to spend all that romantic bonding time with Vampire Yuri." Selena sighed, stroking Vampire Yuri's bare chest while he looked broodingly in the distance.
Steam hissed from Yuri's ears.
"You know…" he growled, "… I thought Vampires were supposed to combust into balls of fire when they were out in the sunlight!"
"The bad ones do." Selena agreed, "But Vampire Yuri's a good vampire, so he just sparkles!" Yuri suddenly averted his eyes as Vampire Yuri started to sparkle with angelic light, managing to look even more dark and sexy.
"My beauty is both a great blessing… and a deadly curse!" Vampire Yuri groaned, clenching his fist in conflicted agony.
"Well why don't I relieve you of that curse!?" Yuri snarled, rolling up his sleeves before balling his hands into fists and advancing on his vampire counterpart.
"CRYSTAL WING SYNCHRO DRAGON!" Leo Dancer suddenly screamed out of nowhere. Yuri spun around to look at Selena's ace monster who was staring off into the distance in a daze, poking at her face with her finger while her pupils swelled to the size of Ping-Pong balls.
"What's up with her?" Yuri asked, momentarily forgetting his anger.
Selena suddenly looked embarrassed. "Yeah… after that epic battle, we all kind of felt exhausted, so we came here to relax. Unfortunately, Leo Dancer… well… she found a different form of recreation."
"I AM SO HIGH ON CATNIP RIGHT NOW!" Leo Dancer roared, slashing her sword at invisible people before suddenly freezing and poking at her face again, looking extremely concerned. "Selena!" she whimpered, "Where'd my lion mask go!?"
Selena sighed. "I told you before… it exploded after I fusion summoned you during our duel against Yugo before randomly reforming into that crescent moon shaped accessory on the side of your face."
"Oh…" Leo Dancer muttered, staring off into the distance, "… I guess that makes sense." She started doodling in the sand before jumping to her feet and grabbing Selena by the shoulders and roaring, "SELENA!"
"What!?" Selena groaned.
"SELENA!" Leo Dancer howled like a cat in heat, tears oozing out her eyes, "I need you to tell Panther Dancer… that she's not the boss of me! Tell her… that I can Fusion Summon myself… whenever I want to… without her help!"
"Okay, okay! Sheesh!" Selena reassured her ace monster, trying to calm her down, "I'll tell her! You just need to take a deep breath, sit down, and relax for a bit."
"DON'T YOU BE TELLIN' ME WHAT TO DO!" Leo Dancer roared, "I am Lunalight Freakin Lioness… er… whatever Dance Freak Fusion Dragon… thingy! I can do WHATEVER I want!" she collapsed to her feet and started balling her eyes out.
"There, there…" Venom reassured her, walking up and patting her on the back. "It's okay… you're awesome no matter what your Fusion Materials are."
Leo Dancer rubbed some tears from her eyes, and looked up at Starve Venom, smiling like an idiot. "Awww… You're so nice Venom! I don't care how dumb you are… I LOVE YOU!" She pounced on one of Venom's legs and began hugging it very tightly, licking the cheek of his knee mouth and purring like a motorboat while she did.
"I know you do." Venom comforted, scratching Leo Dancer behind her ears. "Now why don't you give me the bag? Is that okay?"
Leo Dancer shook her head "yes" before shakily handing Starve Venom a sandwich bag containing some crushed catnip. "You know this doesn't define me!" she yowled, "I can quit whenever I want to!"
"I know." Starve Venom whispered, pulling her into a hug and gently patting her on the back while she wept. "We'll get through this."
"Yeah…" Selena sighed, "Sorry you have to see her like this, Venom."
"Oh don't worry about it." Venom reassured. "Catnip's not all that bad. And it's pretty easy to snap her out of it. Watch." He pulled out a spray bottle from… somewhere… and proceeded to squirt some water in Leo Dancer's face.
Leo Dancer leaped off Venom and landed on all four paws several meters away, arching her back like a cat while hissing angrily. Sure enough, just like Venom said, Leo Dancer snapped out of her buzz immediately.
"What the!" she exclaimed, looking around in a panic. "Selena!? What happened!? And why the heck does my mouth taste like Starve Venom!?"
"You were going WAY too crazy on the catnip." Selena explained, "You were starting to hallucinate getting rammed by Crystal Wing over and over again so Starve Venom helped you sober up."
"Oh… well… thanks… I guess." Leo Dancer muttered, "But for the record… I totes could have beaten Crystal Wing Synchro Dragon, and I still hate your guts, Venom!"
"Oh… well…" Venom sighed, "…at least we're on speaking terms again."
"ANYWAY!" Yuri bellowed, sick of the nonsense. "Now that we're all here again, why don't we get a move on, find Bill, and finally get him out of my body!?"
Selena and Yuzu looked at each other, looking concerned.
"Well…" Yuzu began.
"We sorta tried to find Bill already." Selena explained. "But we haven't managed to find him anywhere!?"
"It's like he's completely vanished!" Yuzu agreed.
"Even with my Vampire hunting skills, I too have failed to track down the demon." Vampire Yuri sighed, bowing his dark, brooding, and handsome head in despair. "I could use my superior Vampire senses to track him down… but I don't know if I should! I might lose what's left of my humanity!"
"Hey!" Starve Venom exclaimed, suddenly getting an idea. "My physical form's already out. Why don't you just use Love Fusion and turn me into Sappy Venom Ultimate Egao Dragon again, Yuri? I'm sure I could resolve this little mess in seconds!"
Yuri looked like he was going to vomit again. "Venom…" he growled, "…the second I got out of that stinking alternate universe, I made sure that the first thing I did was get rid of that stupid card! I am NOT fusing you into that smiling abomination again!"
"What smiling abomination?" Leo Dancer asked.
"SHUT UP!" Yuri snarled, "You are NOT cooler than my ace monster!"
"Getting back on topic…" Yuzu interrupted, "… we really do need to find Bill Cipher. I fan-slapped Yuri's head pretty hard, but that doesn't mean he's going to stay asleep forever, and I don't wanna be stuck here when Bill wakes up."
"So what's your brilliant plan then, miss 'I think I'm super cool because I've got a magic fan and ballerina dress?'" Yuri mocked.
"It's Miss Hiragi Yuzu to you," Yuzu snapped, "and yes… I am SUPER cool… but not because of the ballerina dress."
"So what is your plan?" Leo Dancer asked, picking up her sword and sheathing it within its scabbard.
"I think we need to find what Bill Cipher is after before we go off on a wild goose chase." Yuzu mused. "But what was it that he said he was after?"
"Something about some kind of suppressed memory about some super ancient and evil beast of immense power," Selena contributed, "which really doesn't sound like something that'd be connected in any way with Yuri."
"What do you mean!?" Yuri protested, "I'm evil… and I'm totally worthy to be considered some kind of entity of absolute power!"
"You're fourteen years old, you can barely curl a twenty-five pound weight, and you're only comically evil." Selena countered.
"Why… you… little…" Yuri snarled. "WHATEVER! Let's just split up and find that memory then. If we can find it, Bill will be coming right behind us. And THAT'S when we'll cream that little demon."
"Sounds good to me." Yuzu shrugged. "Just give me a minute… well… five minutes… to change into my magical girl outfit." She ran into a changing room and closed the doors. From within, Yuri could hear a theme song playing and the sound of twirly dance moves.
"I think I'd better get changed to." Selena agreed, walking into her own dressing booth. After about thirty minutes, the two girls finally walked out, Yuzu in her magical girl clothing and Selena in her Lancer outfit, before joining the others.
"Took you long enough!" Yuri whined. "Now can we get a move on!?"
"Oh hush Yuri," Selena scolded, straitening her bow, "you can't rush awesome."
"Whatever!" Yuri snarled, "let's just all split up. We'll cover more ground that way and I won't have to deal with you dorks anymore!"
"Oo-oo! Wait! I have an idea!" Venom shouted, clapping his claws together with excitement. "We should totally do the buddy system! That way we'll be safe when we're going on our scavenger hunt!"
"Venom!" Yuri growled, "I am not…!"
"I actually agree with Venom on this one." Yuzu sighed. "I may not know too much about Bill Cipher's power, but I don't think it'd be wise to leave ourselves vulnerable by going out individually. It's probably best to have three groups of two.
"I call dibs on Vampire Yuri!" Selena cheered, hugging the dark counterpart's chest.
"No!" Yuri roared, "You do NOT!"
"Hey! Why can't I hang out with him? And who made you the boss of us anyway?" Selena whined.
Yuri gritted his teeth. "I'm just saying… that I really don't think that little Vampire punk is good for our group! He's probably working for Bill Cipher! And if you know what's good for you, Selena, you'll stay away from him!"
"Wait!" Selena exclaimed, a smug expression coming over her face. "You're not… jealous… are you?"
"What!" Yuri sputtered, "NO! Jealous of what!? HIM!? He's a total dork!"
"I will willingly accompany you through the dark corridors of Yuri's memories." Vampire Yuri murmured, holding Selena's hands, "But I cannot guarantee your safety. If I transform into my inner demon, do not let your love for me keep you from doing what must be done!" He handed her a crossbow with silver-tipped arrows before whipping out a monstrous two-handed demon sword with one arm and resting it over his shoulder, biceps and chest muscles bulging with veins. Selena barely managed to hold on to the crossbow as she stared back at Vampire Yuri and started drooling. Yuri's eyes started to flicker with purple light while his hair stood up on end as he balled his hands into fists and raved at his counterpart.
"How about this!" Starve Venom offered, pulling out a bundle of sticks. "We'll draw straws for our partners. That way it'll be totally random and we won't have to fight each other!"
"Fine!" Yuri snarled, eyes going back to normal. "We'll do it your way. ANYONE HAVE ANY OBJECTIONS!?"
"Sounds pretty fair to me." Yuzu shrugged, putting her hand on a straw. Everyone in the group each grabbed a straw and pulled. When they examined the length of each of their straws, Yuri's straw matched the length of Selena's, Starve Venom's matched the length of Leo Dancer's, and Yuzu's matched the length of Vampire Yuri's.
It all seemed a little TOO convenient of a match-up to Yuri.
"Venom," he hissed, "Did you rig…"
"Whelp! We'd better get going before Bill Cipher wakes up!" Venom called out, taking Leo Dancer's hand and running off with her down a corridor. "Have fun bonding while you guys search for that memory!"
"Great!" Yuri muttered. "Now I'm stuck with you!"
"You weren't exactly my first choice either!" Selena snarled back.
"We'll at least I'm not that guy!" Yuri griped, gesturing towards Vampire Yuri who was kneeling at Yuzu's feet.
"I pledge my life to you my lady!" Vampire Yuri vowed, "Until I draw my last breath… even if I must embrace my inner darkness… I swear to do all in my power to protect you!"
"Woah!" Yuzu exclaimed, blushing slightly, "I can see why Selena likes you!"
"Let's just go!" Yuri groaned, stalking off with an equally angry Selena at his heels.
…
Starve Venom whistled when he saw the vast number of doors labeled with various memories from Yuri's past. "Boy… That's a lot of doors to go through."
"Yeah…" Leo Dancer groaned, "It's probably gonna be really boring."
"Well… not if I'm with you." Venom flirted, peeking inside a door with the label, "DO NOT EVER LOOK INSIDE… ESPECIALLY YOU VENOM!"
"OH!" Venom exclaimed, peeking in, "I didn't know Yuri liked to play with dolls."
"Let me see!" said Leo Dancer, eagerly shoving Starve Venom away. Inside the door, they could see Yuri holding up miniature action figures of himself, Selena, Yuzu, Yuya, Yugo, Rin, Yuto, and Ruri.
"It's no use!" Yuri had action figure Yuya scream in a high-pitched voice. "My entertainment dueling is just TOO STUPID!"
"Don't give up Yuya!" Action figure Yuzu squealed, "Your dueling's still not nearly as stupid as me!"
"HELP US! HELP US!" Action figures Ruri and Rin wailed.
"We'll save you!" Action figure Yuto and Yugo screamed, charging up to their action figure friends.
"Oh no!" Action figures Ruri and Rin yelped, "It's Yuri!"
"Yessss! It is I! The greatest villain in all the multiverse!" Action figure Yuri laughed in an epic voice.
"We're here to stop you!" action figure Yuto and Yugo proclaimed.
"Oh well then…" action figure Yuri contemplated, "… I guess I'll just… KARATE KICK! BOOM! BANG! KAPOW! FUSION DEATH BEAM!" Yuri smashed the action figure of himself against Yuto and Yugo, throwing them across the room.
"Yugo!" Action figure Rin squealed.
"I tried to stop him!" Action figure Yugo panted, "BUT HE'S JUST TOO AWESOME!"
"And now to absorb you fools and become even more powerful!" Action Figure Yuri roared, "Bwa ha ha ha ha haaaa!" Yuri laughed, shaking his action figure in the air.
"I'm still alive!" Action figure Yuya proclaimed.
"Yeah!" action figure Yuzu agreed. "And I'm standing by Yuya's side because I'm just SOOOO STUPID!"
"Well that's not the only stupid thing you've done." Action figure Yuri laughed. "Now witness my true power as I call upon my ace!" Yuri stuffed his hand into a purple sock. "STARVE VENOM FUSION DRAGON!"
"RAAAAAAAAAAWWWRRRRR DESTROOOOY!" sock-puppet Starve Venom Fusion Dragon roared, chomping on action figure Yuya. "OHMMM NOM NOM NOM!
"Yuzu! Help meeeee!" action figure Yuya wailed. "I am just so pathetic and unmanly! I can't EVER hope to stand against Yuri's AWESOME power!"
"Sorry!" action figure Yuzu apologized, "I'm so gosh darn stupid I forgot what I was even doing!"
"And now you pay the price for your lack of brains!" action figure Yuri roared. "Now submit to my will!"
"NOOOOO!" Yuzu wailed as action figure Yuri picked her up and dropped her in a toy cage with Ruri and Rin. Yuri next picked up action figure Selena and had her walk up to action figure Yuri.
"Yuri!" she snarled, "I am a strong independent woman who's got her panties in a bunch twenty-four hours a day who could never forgive you for what you've done! I hate you to the depths of my pre-pubescent Academia traitor soul! And yet…" action figure Selena's voice suddenly softened, "I just can't shake these… feelings… I have for you! You're SOOOO strong and awesome! I just can't live without you! Can I serve you as your slave and concubine for the rest of my life!?"
"Even though I'm so awesome that I have absolutely no need for such things as romance…" action figure Yuri chuckled, "… I'll be generous and grant you your pathetic desire!"
"Oh master Yuri!" action figure Selena screamed. "I love you SOOOO much!" Yuri started banging their heads together while making kissing noises, before he suddenly jumped off the ground when he heard a knock on the door.
"Yuri!?" Dennis called. "Are you getting ready!? We were supposed to head to the Standard Dimension ten minutes ago!"
"Uhm… uhh…" Yuri stammered, kicking his action figures under the bed. "Y-you go on without me Dennis, I-I'll catch up with you later!"
There was a pause. "Yuri…" Dennis groaned. "…you're not playing with your dolls again… are you?"
"No!" Yuri protested, "I'm not… I'm not playing with anything. I'm… uh… strategizing! Yes… strategizing! I'm just plotting out possible scenarios with some of my war pieces! You know… can't ever be too prepared!"
"Does your strategy involving kissing Selena?" Dennis asked.
Yuri opened the door and pointed his Duel Disk at Dennis. "Whoops!" he snarled, "Did I just accidentally activate the teleportation function on my Duel Disk!? Whelp! I guess I'll see you later Dennis! BYE!"
Venom and Leo Dancer closed the door, laughing their heads off.
"Oh gee…" Venom laughed, "I just can't help myself! Yuri is just so adorable!"
"Yeah!" Leo Dancer agreed, "He's was all, 'Oh Selena! I secretly like you SO much! But I can't express my true feelings!' Oh… what would Selena say if she saw that!?"
Venom laughed some more, wiping a tear from one of his eyes. "Speaking of which…" he chuckled some more, "…do you… hee hee… do you have any funny memories of Selena?"
"W-Whaaaat?" Leo Dancer protested, "Noooo! I mean… I don't… Selena's not a dork like Yuri… I mean… oh what the heck! Check this out!" She pulled out a cellphone and started scrolling through some videos. "This is Selena after watching one season of 'Sailor Moon!'" She pushed the play button.
Venom watched as Selena danced around her bedroom, wearing a Sailor Moon outfit while singing into a brush like it was a microphone.
"Fighting evil with Moon-Lights!" she sang, activating her Duel Disk, "Winning Vampire Yuri's love by daylight!" she twirled on one foot like a ballerina, "Never running from a REAL FIGHT! She is the one named Sailor… AAHHHHHHH!" the rest of the song was cut off as Selena jumped into the air and attempted to land on the ground while doing a Chinese split. She managed to do the split, but not before nearly snapping both her legs off by the joints.
"OH MY EGYPTIAN GODS!" Selena screamed, "EVERY SINGLE STINKIN TIME! OH IT HURTS!"
"Are you okay in there?" Barrett called from the other room.
"I'M FINE!" Selena whimpered. "Just leave me alone!"
"Well… okay." Barrett muttered, footsteps fading into the background as he walked away.
"One day…" Selena panted, "…one day! I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna become a magical girl!"
Leo Dancer stopped the video, laughing her head off while Venom chuckled lightly to himself along with her.
"Awww… poor Selena." Venom sympathized, "But hey! At least she's following her heart!"
"Yeah…" Leo Dancer sighed, putting away her phone before suddenly becoming very silent.
"Venom…" she began, "…I'm not stupid. I know what you're trying to do. You're a nice dragon and all… but I don't think things are gonna work out for us." She paused and looked back at Starve Venom who was listening attentively.
"Are you… aren't you gonna say something?" Leo Dancer asked.
"Well… not yet." Venom shrugged, "Not unless you've said everything you've wanted to say."
"Huh?" Leo Dancer asked, looking back at Venom with a quizzical look. "But you're always talking, or worse yet… singing, why so quiet now?"
"Well… what can I say?" Venom replied, "I guess I just… thought about what you said earlier and well… I figured I already talked way too much on our first date. Now I figure it's my turn to listen."
"Oh… uhm… well…" Leo Dancer stuttered. "I-I wouldn't call this a date… just so we're clear on that!"
"Oh yeah." Venom agreed. "Were just hanging out while helping my friend. But if you want to… say… catch up later on the duel field… I'd be game for that."
"Uhm… well… I guess…" Leo Dancer stuttered, nervously running her fingers through her mane, "…I guess Selena and Yuri were gonna have a re-match anyway. We could just… I don't know… face each other during the Battle-Phase? I mean… not because I LIKE you or anything… don't misunderstand! I just think it'd be appropriate and professional if two ace monsters like us served our masters by… by uhm…"
"By killing each other?" Venom offered, remembering Selena and Yuri's cute little exchange.
"Exactly!" Leo Dancer agreed. "By killing each other! Yeah! I'm totes gonna beat you too!"
"I don't know." Venom teased. "I'm pretty good at tag."
"Oh whatever Venom!" Leo Dancer laughed, "Let's just find that stupid memory so I can smash you into the graveyard."
MEANWHILE… SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THIS STUPID FANFIC
Yuri scanned through several rows of doors, finding absolutely nothing useful.
"Yuri's backstory…" he read, "lame. Secret memories the professor deleted to make Yuri his mind slave… boring! Secrets behind the bracelet girl's true power… yawn! The origin story of the dimensional dragons… seen that already! What Yuri looks like when combined with the other Yu-boys… useless! Spoilers for upcoming episodes… waste of time! OH COME ON!" he roared, "How hard is it to find that stupid memory!?"
"About as hard as it is for you to keep your mouth shut for ten seconds." Selena muttered.
"Well at least I'm trying to fix things right now!" Yuri snarled.
"Oh that's rich!" Selena smirked, "Fix things after you single-handedly made things go to the shadow realm in a hand-basket after you destroyed half the Xyz Dimension and kidnapped Ruri and Rin."
"Hey! I already told you!" Yuri snarled, "I just do what the professor tells me to do and let him worry about all the boring details."
"So if the professor told you to jump off a cliff wearing a diaper while using a gummy worm as a bungee cord you'd do it?" Selena asked.
"No!" Yuri protested.
Selena looked at him.
"Yes." Yuri admitted, "Actually… he already… kind of… had me do that. Looking back… I kind of think it was a just a prank. But that being said, I still trust the professor to know what he's doing!"
Selena rolled her eyes. "See… this is why Vampire Yuri is so much better than you! He actually thinks about what he's doing! He doesn't just blindly follow authority like a dumb sheep."
"Speaking of dumb sheep." Yuri snarled. "Have you seen yourself when you're with him!? You look like a complete idiot! Wake up Selena! He's a freaking vampire from another multiverse! It's never gonna work out!"
"And why do you care!?" Selena retorted. "Why should a creep like you give a Winged Kuriboh about what guys I go out with!? Why can't you just admit it?"
"Admit what!?" Yuri snapped.
"You know what I'm talking about." Selena snarled.
"Not if you're being cryptic like that!?" Yuri retorted, hastily covering up a door sign that read, "Yuri's True Feelings."
"Oh you want me to say it!?" Selena roared.
"Yeah! I dare you!" Yuri challenged.
"Well not before you say it first!" Selena rebutted, pushing Yuri against the door.
"Not unless you wanna clarify what the heck you're talking about!" Yuri snarled, shoving her back. They smashed into each other and started an all-out wrestling match on the floor.
"Cat breath!" Yuri taunted, slugging Selena in the gut.
"Cabbage head!" Selena snapped, pinching Yuri's nose.
"Slifer Red!" Yuri jabbed back, grabbing her neck.
"Cat costume!" Selena countered, biting Yuri's arm.
"WHAT!?" Yuri roared, eyes flickering with purple light.
"That's right! I saw the video!" Selena sneered, punching Yuri below the belt.
"Why you little…!" Yuri groaned, before instantly recovering and lunging at Selena with all his unholy fury.
Just then, Starve Venom and Leo Dancer appeared around the corner.
"Awwww…" Starve Venom sighed, watching as Yuri and Selena wrapped their arms around each other, "They're hugging!"
Selena and Yuri quickly pulled away from each other, looking exceedingly embarrassed.
"What are you talking about Venom!" Yuri snarled. "I was doing nothing of the sort!"
"It did kind of look like you guys were making out." Leo Dancer admitted.
"Leo Dancer!" Selena roared, indignantly.
"I oh am sorry we interrupted you guys!" Venom apologized, "Leo Dancer and I can continue our search somewhere else and leave the two of you alone."
"WHAT! NO! I HATE THIS PERSON!" Yuri and Selena screamed in unison, pointing at each other. "HE/SHE IS THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD AND THE ONLY THING I WANNA DO WITH HIM/HER IS KILL HIM/HER ON THE DUEL FIELD!"
"Wow!" Leo Dancer exclaimed. "You guys are in sync with each other."
"NO WE'RE NOT!" Yuri and Selena protested in unison.
"I hate to interrupt everybody," Yuzu cut in, triple front flipping through the air before landing gently on her pink shoes. "But we've got a problem. Vampire Yuri got ambushed by a very powerful wraith. Yuri must have gotten very angry again to have created that thing."
Selena glared at Yuri.
"Anyway…" Yuzu continued, "…I did my best to beat up the wraith and its familiars, but it was just too powerful. So Vampire Yuri told me to go on without him and find you guys while he sacrificed himself distracting it."
"Is he alright!?" Selena gasped.
"I think he should be fine." Yuzu placated. "He's a little melodramatic to be honest, but he's got some REALLY great biceps. He should be able to handle himself for a while. But we should probably hurry and find that memory before things get too out of hand."
"Well what do you think we've been trying to do, genius!?" Yuri snarled. "This place is enormous! And I don't even know what we're supposed to be looking for!"
"I've actually been thinking about it." Yuzu replied. "Remember how Bill Cipher said he was looking for some memory of an ancient and powerful beast that was somehow connected with Yuri? Well… what if that beast was actually Yuri?"
"What?" Yuri and Selena asked in unison.
"Hear me out guys." Yuzu begged, "See… I started noticing when Yuri would act all feral and start oozing shadows while his eyes glowed purple whenever he got mad, so I started thinking, what if this was actually his connection to his inner beast? What if the only thing we have to do to find that memory is find the Yuri's most embarrassing memory and watch it together in order to draw out Yuri's inner beast?"
Yuri gaped at Yuzu, not believing what he was hearing.
"That strangely makes a lot of sense." Leo Dancer commented.
"I actually agree with Yuzu on this one." Selena agreed.
"And I know where to find the memory!" Starve Venom exclaimed, overjoyed that they were solving the puzzle together.
"No! Venom… you aren't going to seriously!" They all picked Yuri up and dragged him, kicking and screaming towards the door labelled, "DO NOT EVER LOOK INSIDE… ESPECIALLY YOU VENOM!"
"I'm sorry buddy." Venom apologized, "But it's for your own good!"
"WE ARE NOT BUDDIES!" Yuri roared in a demonic voice as Leo Dancer threw open the door to allow Yuzu and Selena to watch the memory inside.
"What… the heck?" Yuzu and Selena gasped in unison as Yuri played with his action figures.
"No!" Yuri moaned, "No! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
When the memory was finished, Selena and Yuzu stared back at Yuri like he was a complete weirdo while Yuri quivered with a mortified expression on his face.
"So… are you feeling the ancient creature come over you?" Starve Venom asked, still sorry he had made Yuri a little upset.
"Hate you…" Yuri whimpered, "…hate you all!"
"Hmmm… I guess not." Venom sighed.
"Well that's too bad." Yuzu groaned. "I don't suppose you know of some even more embarrassing memories?"
"I might be able to assist with that." Kyuubey called, materializing around Yuzu with his other Incubator buddies.
"Where have you been?" Yuzu asked.
"Running a survey of Yuri's mental-scape while collecting the energy from the wraiths you destroyed of course." Kyuubey explained. "We wanted to know how Yuri manages to stay so angry 24/7, so we wandered around, and we found a particularly interesting room containing vast amounts of negative emotional energy."
"Is it super embarrassing?" Selena asked, while Yuri struggled against Starve Venom's grip. "I mean… we want to make sure we get it right this time."
"I don't worry about that." Kyuubey smiled. "Believe me… it'll do the trick."
"Great!" said Yuzu, "Let's go!"
"I SWEAR TO THE EGYPTIAN GODS!" Yuri roared, "IF YOU LOOK INTO ANY MORE OF MY MEMORIES, SO HELP ME I WILL DESTROY THIS MULTIVERSE!"
"Then just go bananas and summon your inner demon." Kyuubey advised. "Then everyone will be happy."
Yuri strained his muscles till his eyes bugged out and his veins pulsed on his forehead. Unfortunately, all he managed to do was get a slight nose bleed.
"Whelp." Venom shrugged. "I guess it's off to the memory room. Don't worry old buddy! We've all got embarrassing memories. The important thing is that we can all laugh about them as best friends!"
"I'LL LAUGH AT YOUR EMBARRASSING MEMORIES RIGHT AFTER I TEAR YOUR STINKIN CARD IN HALF!" Yuri threatened.
"I really am sorry buddy." Venom apologized, "But sometimes, to be a true friend, you've gotta be willing to do what's best for the person you care about. Even if they might not like it."
"VEEEEEENOOOOOOOMMM!" Yuri roared as the group followed Kyuubey down a series of hallways until they stopped at a door which was completely bolted down with multiple chains and padlocks. Above the door a sign read, "What Set Yuri off in the First Place."
"Here it is." Kyuubey announced, grooming his fluffy white tail.
Yuri's face went deathly pale. "No…!" he whimpered, "NO! Not that one! ANYTHING BUT THAT ONE!"
Too late. Starve Venom and Leo Dancer were already effortlessly ripping off the locks and chains and about to open the door.
"I COMMAND YOU NOT TO OPEN THAT DOOR!" Yuri roared.
"Oh quit your whining, you baby!" Selena growled, "What could possibly be so embarrassing you'd… oh… uhm…" she went completely silent when she opened the door and saw what was inside.
I'll give you readers a moment to guess what the memory is going to be. Is it:
A.) Yuri dancing the Baku Baku Nya Nya.
B.) Yuri falling face-first in a pile of garbage.
C.) Yuri bungee jumping off a cliff wearing nothing but a diaper while using a gummy worm for a bungee cord.
D.) That one time Starve Venom caught Yuri watching, "Teletubbies," and enjoying the show immensely.
Got your final answer? WELL TRICK QUESTION BECAUSE IT'S NONE OF THESE THINGS!
Selena's mouth dropped open when she saw a young Yuri, about five or six years old, sitting in class at Academia while carefully cutting out a red paper heart and decorating it with glue and glitter. Sweating nervously, he pulled out a purple crayon, and began writing something on the inside of the valentine before folding it in half and nervously walking towards the front of the class where the girls were sitting. He had nearly reached the front of the room, approaching the desk where a young Selena was sitting, when a young Hell Kaiser suddenly grabbed him by the shoulder.
"Hey! Where you going, dork!" Hell Kaiser laughed while his posse of fellow Obelisk Blue students joined him.
Young Yuri smiled innocently back at him. "I'm gonna deliver a special letter I made all by myself to my friend!"
"Awwwwww!" Hell Kaiser mocked. "Is widdle Yuri in wuv with someone! Is he covered in widdle cooties!"
"YURI HAS COOTIES! YURI HAS COOTIES!" Hell Kaisers gang chanted. The heads of everyone in the class turned to Yuri who had gone red in the face with embarrassment. Young Selena rolled her eyes, looking completely disgusted, and turned her head away, going back to what she was doing.
"Now listen here… dork!" Hell Kaiser snarled, "You might be the professor's pet, but that doesn't mean you're better than any of us! I bet you don't even know how to Fusion Summon anything yet!"
"Sure I do!" Yuri protested. "See!" he pulled out his Starve Venom Fusion Dragon card, "I've got my buddy right here! He's a super strong and friendly dragon! Rawr!" he roared, tapping his card against Hell Kaiser's leg to make it look like Starve Venom was biting him. Hell Kaiser didn't look impressed.
"Well look at this guys!" Hell Kaiser mocked, "Our widdle Yuri is all grown up and summoning his first Fusion Monster! Let's see how well he can Fusion Summon with a wedgie!" he angrily picked Yuri up by his purple kitten underpants, pulling him a meter into the air, before snapping his undies over his eyes.
Yuri started balling his eyes out, while everyone else laughed. Pulling his underwear out of his eyes, Yuri turned his head just in time to see Selena shake her head and walk out of the classroom.
Suddenly Yuri got angry… very angry. Balling his fingers into little fists, his purple cape and hair stood up on end while his eyes glowed purple and the entire room blackened with his dark aura. Suddenly, everyone else didn't think young Yuri looked so funny.
"I WILL DEVOUR YOUR SOULS AND DESTROY THIS MULTIVERSE!" Young Yuri roared like a demon, "JUST YOU WAIT! SOME DAY I WILL BE THE MOST POWERFUL DUELIST IN THE FOUR DIMENSIONS!"
Selena slammed the door, uncomfortable with what she just witnessed. Looking back at Yuri, she noticed that he too had started to look possessed. His hair and cape stood up on end like it had been struck by lightning, his eyes glowed with bright purple light, and shadows oozed from his body like the blackest pits of outer space.
Yuri roared with unfathomable rage and agony while Starve Venom struggled to keep him inside his arms. As Yuri continued to go more berserk, the memory door slowly blackened and transformed into a demonic looking gateway with the caption, "Yuri's Inner Darkness," above the archway. With a final agonized roar, Yuri eventually fainted, hair and cape going back to normal, before slowly recovering and blinking his normal, non-glowing eyes.
"W-what happened?" he muttered, "I had the weirdest dream just now."
"Uhm… nothing happened." Selena mumbled. "But uhm… hey! We found the memory!"
"Great." Yuri groaned, wiping some blood from his leaking nose. "Let's wait for Bill to show up so we can finally cream that demon."
"I've got an even better idea." Yuzu offered. "How about I transport the memory out of here so Bill can't access it. He'll still probably be coming over here eventually anyway. But this way, there's no way he can get his hands on Yuri's sensitive information."
"Sure… why not?" Yuri mumbled. "Just one problem with that plan. HOW THE HECK ARE YOU GONNA TRANSPORT THAT DOOR OUT OF HERE?"
"Don't worry." Yuzu reassured him, "I've got this." Her eyes suddenly started glowing yellow as she raised her gloved hands over her head and caused the gateway to levitate off the ground, hoisting the door above her head, she turned around to leave when Yuzu suddenly walked up to the group with Vampire Yuri at her heels.
"Sorry guys…" Yuzu panted, leaning against Vampire Yuri. "…we kind of got stuck fighting this giant witch named, Walpurgisnacht, or something like that. So what did we miss?"
Yuri, Selena, Venom, and Leo Dancer looked back and forth between both Yuzu's, mouths hanging open. The Yuzu next to Vampire Yuri noticed the Yuzu holding up the door and pointed her fan at her doppelganger, mouth hanging open in shock.
"Hey!" she exclaimed, "Who the heck is that?"
The eyes of the Yuzu holding up the door suddenly fused together into a single yellow eye with a black slit. Rising off the ground, her body warped and flattened until Bill Cipher was floating in her place, laughing his head off while he held the demonic door in his spindly black hands.
"Oh boy! I can't believe you guys fell for that!" he snickered, "You know it's really funny, I literally did the EXACT same thing to another group of suckers in my original multiverse! And it STILL worked! Boy, do I not even have to try or what!" he cackled some more, before putting the door behind his back, causing the entire gateway to inexplicably disappear.
"You do NOT want to be messing with me right now!" Yuri roared, "I have LITERALLY reached the breaking point on my rage, and I'm about to unleash it on someone! GET OUT OF MY HEAD OR I WILL FOLD YOU INTO A PAPER AIRPLANE AND KICK YOU OUT!"
"You're not getting away with this Bill!" Yuzu agreed, "You think you can just copy my looks and not pay the penalty!? Oh you have no idea how much I'm gonna fan-slap you in the face!"
"Not before my Moon-Lights scratch him into confetti!" Selena growled, cracking her knuckles.
"Oh boy!" Bill Cipher snickered, "There're SO many people who want me right now! I must be a HUGE celebrity! WELL HOW ABOUT THIS!" he cackled, snapping his fingers and causing a pyramid shaped Duel Disk to appear on his left arm. "How about we do what you kids usually do in your multiverse and settle things with a duel! It probably won't last that long, but it'll sure be fun!"
"Sounds good to me!" Yuri growled, activating his own Duel Disk while Yuzu and Selena followed suit. "If I win, you drag what's left of your miserable 2D body out of my head!"
"And if I win," Bill Cipher snickered, "Then it's game over! FOR ALL OF YOU!" he roared in a demonic voice, growing ten times his size while glowing red.
"Venom!" Yuri called, "Get over here!"
"You've got it buddy!" Venom cheered, hopping back into his card.
"You too Leo Dancer!" Selena barked.
"Just make sure to leave something for me to maul." Leo Dancer roared, baring her fangs before front flipping into her own card.
"Today… I repay my debt!" Vampire Yuri proclaimed, whipping out an awesome Duel Disk shaped like a pair of bat wings.
"DUEL!" Bill Cipher, Yuzu, Selena, Vampire Yuri, and not-so-vampiric Yuri roared.
"The first move is mine!" Bill Cipher snickered, "I set one card face-down in my Spell/Trap Card Zone and end my turn!"
"That's it?" Yuzu gawked, "Nothing else!?"
"I'm feeling kind of lazy." Bill yawned, stretching out his arms, "And besides, nobody can attack on their first turn anyway. Why make the effort?"
"Well you'll regret not going all out!" Yuzu countered, "It's my move now! I activate 1st Movement solo to Special Summon my Soprano the Melodious Screamo Diva from my deck!"
Yuzu's classic Melodious Monster appeared to the field, only, she looked a little different. Her dress had been replaced with a tight leather outfit, and she was now wailing on a large drum-set, while screaming into a microphone at the top of her lungs.
"ROCKIN ALL NIGHT!" she bellowed, slamming on her drum set, "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!"
"W-what?" Yuri stuttered, plugging up his ears. He could swear her Melodious Monsters were just a little different when he last dueled her.
"Next," Yuzu continued, as if nothing were out of the ordinary, "I Special Summon, Canon the Melodious Rock Star with her own effect!"
Canon appeared to Yuzu's duel field wearing similar clothing to what Yuri had previously seen. Except this time, her blue hair was even more spikey and streaked with purple and black while her face was painted like a rock star from the band, "Kiss." Ripping away at an electric guitar she roared:
"SO WHAT! I WANNA BE A ROCK STAR! I'VE GOT MY TOTALLY ORIGINAL ROCK SONG! AND IMMA TEAR IT UP TONIGHT! IT'S ALL RIGHT! I CAN FIGHT! AND I CAN SHOW YOU! GUESS WHAT! I'M NOT OVERRATED! CAUSE I'M A STAPLE! IN EVERY SINGLE MELODIOUS DECK!"
"Okay!" Yuri roared, certain that any more noise from Yuzu's monsters was going to cause his ears to bleed. "What the heck is going on!? What happened to your monsters!?"
"I don't see anything weird." Selena shrugged. "They're actually kind of cool."
"You stay out of this!" Yuri growled.
"Bite me!" Selena snapped.
"I might!" Yuri snarled.
Yuzu looked a little embarrassed. "Yeah… my monsters are kind of going through a phase right now. They got tired of all the classical music, so they all decided to explore other genres of music. I'm sure they'll go back to normal eventually."
"I AINT CHANGIN' WHO I AM, LOVE!" Canon roared with a British accent, "I AM FINALLY A BLOODY INDIVIDUAL! I AINT PLAYIN NO 'CANON IN D-MINOR' NO MORE! THIS STUFF RIGHT HERE'S THE REAL DEAL! YEAHHH!" she screamed, ripping another chord with her guitar while Yuzu plugged her ears.
"Must you play so loudly?" Yuzu groaned.
"YOU AINT THE BOSS OF ME!" Canon countered, sticking out her tongue while strumming through a rapid and obnoxiously loud rhythm on her guitar.
"Whatever…" Yuzu sighed, pulling out another card. "I next summon Aria the Melodious DJ."
Aria appeared to Yuzu's field, wearing a pair of headphones over her ears and sunglasses over her eyes while scratching away at a pair of records on a booth.
"Yeah… mmmhmmmm!" Aria hummed, "Let's get things real up in this joint!"
"And now!" Yuzu continued before things got any louder, "I use my Soprano's effect to fuse my three monsters together."
"ROCKIN TILL WE BECOME OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Soprano roared, slamming on her drum set before all three of Yuzu's monsters rose into the air and blended together in a fusion portal before Yuzu began her fusion chant.
"Incoherent voice that blows out my ear-drums," Yuzu chanted, looking embarrassed, "British rockstar whose albums are sure to upset a lot of parents, swingin' DJ who does things r-r-right! Blend your incoherent excuses for music together to form the artists whose songs are probably only appreciated for their shock value! Come forth! Bloom Prima the Melodious Rapper!"
In a burst of flower petals, cash money, gold coins, and silver dimes, Bloom Prima burst from the fusion portal, wearing a rattlesnake skin cap over her head, sunglasses over her eyes, gold chains with the letters, "BP," over her neck, massive rectangular gold rings over each hand that spelled out, "Bloom," on her right hand, and, "Prima," on her left hand, and a massive gold belt with the word, "#SWAG!" over her waist. Bobbing her head up and down, she began rapping:
Bloom Prima:
Oh my name is Bloom Prima!
Comin at you like a Diva!
Don't let this filly dress deceive ya
I'm more than just a ballerina!
I'm layin down a sick beat!
Got no need to mince my words!
If ya think you can impress me
Boy! You just bein' absurd!
Suddenly her fusion materials, Soprano, Canon, and Aria, appeared behind her as back-up singers.
BP and Backup singers:
Get caught up in this melody!
'Cause you aint even seen the best of me!
We aint gonna stop till the show is done!
So whip out your best deck and we'll have some fun!
Bloom Prima:
YEAH, YEAH!
Bloom Prima's back-up singers disappeared and she floated down to Yuzu's field, looking extra swagliscious with her bling and sassy attitude as she whipped out a microphone and began speaking to the audience.
"This has been Bloom Prima and the Melodious Divas!" she cheered, swaying her head and hips back and forth. "And before you buy my latest album, you better hold onto yo' wallets, 'cause we gonna make it rain up in here! WHOOO!" she threw a wad of $100 bills into the air, "That's right baby! That's what I'm talkin 'bout! Now let's see some life in here! This next song's devoted to Yuzu's secret boyfriend, Yu…"
"T-that won't be necessary!" Yuzu stammered, clamping her hands over her ace monster's mouth before she could finish. "I'm pretty much done right here so I end my turn! Take it away Selena!"
"With pleasure!" Selena growled, cracking her knuckles. "All right Bill Cipher, check this out! This is how a real lead female duelist does things!"
"But I thought I was the lead female duelist!" Yuzu whined.
"Oh be quiet, Yuzu!" Selena snapped, "You're already a magical girl. At least leave me with something!"
"Okay…" Yuzu sighed, as she struggled to keep Bloom Prima quiet. "Just continue with your move."
Selena continued by pulling two cards from her hand. "I, using the scale one, Moon-Light Wolf, and the scale five, Moon-Light Tiger, set the Pendulum Scale!" she declared, throwing down her two pendulum cards.
A pair of monsters rose from Selena's field in two separate columns of blue light. Moon-Light Tiger looked extremely bored. She was flipping through some tunes on her I-pod while a pair of ear-buds plugged her ears. Moon-Light Wolf, on the other hand, looked extremely agitated. She was constantly scratching at herself, trying to reach her ears with her back legs while biting at her paws.
"FLEAS! FLEAS!" she howled, rubbing against the back of the blue pillar in an effort to scratch her back.
"Wolf!" Selena groaned, "Did you remember to take that bath like I told you!?"
"Of course not." Moon-Light Tiger muttered in a very emo voice while she flipped through some more tunes. "Because there's absolutely no one in this family who has an ounce of sense."
"I didn't ask you tiger." Selena snarled.
"Whatever." Tiger mumbled, turning up the volume. "It's not like I care anyway."
Selena gritted her teeth, attempting to not get distracted from the duel as she continued her move. "Using the set Pendulum Scales, I Pendulum Summon three monsters from my hand! Come forth! Moon-Light Blue Cat, Purple Butterfly, and White Rabbit!"
Selena slammed the three cards onto her Duel Disk but nothing happened.
"Ahem!?" she coughed at her two Pendulum monsters.
"What did you say?" Moon-Light Tiger mumbled, pulling an ear-bud out of one ear. "I couldn't hear you, I was too busy listening."
"They're everywhere!" Moon-Light wolf howled, writhing against her blue column in agony as she scratched more and more fur off herself. "THEY'RE FREAKIN EVERYWHERE!"
"PENDULUM SUMMON!?" Selena roared.
"Ugh… whatever." Moon-Light Tiger groaned. "Hey Wolf, you wanna… I don't know… spam a bunch of monsters onto her field or whatever?"
"Can't talk!" Moon-Light Wolf yelped, "Too… busy… scratching!"
"Would you do it for a… Scooby Snack!?" Yuzu offered, holding up a green-and-blue box full of treats.
Moon-Light Wolf immediately stopped scratching herself, and sat down on her hind legs, wagging her tail and panting with excitement.
"Good girl!" Yuzu congratulated, throwing Moon-Light Wolf a treat. Moon-Light Wolf caught it in her mouth and immediately stretched out her paws along with Moon-Light Tiger in order to open up a pink portal in the sky.
"Thanks Yuzu." Selena sighed, "I owe you one."
"Don't mention it." Yuzu replied, stuffing another Scooby Snack in Bloom Prima's mouth before she could start another one of her songs.
From the portal, Selena's monsters streamed onto the Dueling field. Moon-Light Blue Cat pirouetted onto the dueling field, batting her cute kitty eyelashes at everyone before she suddenly noticed Moon-Light White Rabbit hop up next to her, slapping her Croquet mallet against her hand with an evil expression on her face. Moon-Light Purple Butterfly was the next to flutter down to Selena's field. Once she had landed, she pulled out a couple of cheerleader pom-poms and began performing her cheer routine.
"One, two, three, four, I can boost your attack points even more! Five, six, seven, eight, Fusion Summoning's really great! Gooooooooooooooo Moon-Lights!" she cheered, doing a Chinese split while flapping her butterfly wings.
"Hey Blue Cat!" White Rabbit sneered, raising her mallet above her head. "I think there's a mosquito on your head! Why don't we play a game where I try and knock it off!?"
"I'z too cute to be killed!" Blue Cat howled, jumping away from white rabbit and arching her back.
"Oh but Blue Cat!" said White Rabbit, face slowly becoming crazier, "You're just covered in SO many mosquitoes right now! Wouldn't it be better if I just squashed them all with my big… giant… heavy… skull crushing… HAMMER!?"
"Selena!" Blue Cat meowed, hiding between her master's legs.
"Guys… can't you just…" the rest of Selena's sentence was cut off as White Rabbit hopped over Selena and swung her hammer towards Blue Cat's furry head.
Blue Cat yowled with fear, and barely managed to dodge out of the way of White Rabbit's mallet. Cackling like a maniac, White Rabbit chased Blue Cat all around the duel field, swinging her mallet at her like she was a blue croquet ball.
"Oh don't leave!" White Rabbit snickered, veins pulsating on her insane face, "I still see some mosquitoes on your fur! Let's smack them all off!"
"White Rabbit…" Selena groaned, "… can't you just please be less psychotic and more friendly for once?"
"Awwww…" White Rabbit whined, grabbing Blue Cat into a hug that was just a little too tight. "…but I am being nice, Selena! All I wanna do is play with Blue Cat some MORE!" Yuri could see White Rabbit's eyes shine beneath her hood with an eerie white light while she grinned like a psychopath.
"Why don't you destroy something other than your sister?" Selena suggested, "See that face-down card? Send it back to Bill Cipher's hand."
"I'll be seeing you later!" White Rabbit hissed, while Blue Cat curled into a fetal position and began nervously sucking her thumb. Cackling like a psycho, she madly brought her mallet down on Bill Cipher's face-down card, smashing it to pieces.
"Oh no!" Bill Cipher screamed sarcastically, "You returned my face-down card to my hand! What ever shall I do now!?" he began cackling even more maniacally than White Rabbit. "Ohhh… you idiots! Did you really think I didn't expect that!? By removing my face down Trap, Hidden Cryptogram, from my field, you've activated its effect! Now… unless you can solve this little word puzzle, you lose the duel!"
"What!?" Selena, Yuzu, and Yuri screamed in unison.
"What kind of effect is that!?" Selena cried. "It doesn't even make any sense!"
"Sure it doesn't, what's your point?" Bill Cipher smirked. "Now here's a hint before we begin, Kcab srettel eerht!" he mumbled before the message, "KL! PB QDPH LV ELOO!" appeared above their heads. "five seconds guys! Give it your best shot!" Bill Cipher hooted, kicking his legs in the air with laughter.
"But it's so stupid!" Yuzu protested.
"Five!" Bill Cipher laughed.
"And what kind of hint was that?" Selena whined.
"Four!"
"Even with my knowledge of the arcane languages, tragically, the answer to this riddle alludes me!" Vampire Yuri groaned.
"Three!"
"This is the stupidest card I've ever seen!" Yuri roared.
"TWO!"
"It's, 'Hi! My name is Bill!'" Starve Venom yawned.
"ONE!" Bill Cipher roared, "Times up! And now I… uh…" he blinked as the Cryptogram suddenly transformed into the message Starve Venom had stated.
"What the!" Bill Cipher exclaimed, not believing what he was seeing. "How in the… how did an idiot like you figure out the answer!?"
"Well you gave us a hint." Starve Venom replied from within his card.
"How in the heck did you figure out the puzzle from his hint!?" Yuri gawked, wondering if Starve Venom had suddenly become a thousand times more intelligent in the past few minutes.
"Well he was being pretty clear when he was talking backwards." Starve Venom shrugged. "Kcab srettel eerht. Three letters back. SO… once I figured that out, I just ran his message through a Caesarian cipher and solved it."
"B-but…" Bill Cipher stammered, "…just a few seconds ago you were a complete idiot! How did you of all people figure it out!?"
"Well…" Venom began.
"Because my ace monster has ALWAYS just been this awesome!" Yuri interrupted. "I mean… sure… he's ACTED like a complete idiot. But it was all just a ruse to hide his true evil potential!"
"Well… I wouldn't say evil… maybe occasionally over-enthusiastic." Venom laughed. "But I appreciate the compliment, Yuri. So Bill… what prize do we get for winning?"
Bill Cipher turned red with anger. "If you figure it out…" he snarled, "…all you chumps get to Fusion Summon any number of your Fusion Monsters without Fusion Materials… provided the turn player can manage to Fusion Summon something this turn."
"Oh well this should be easy." Selena grinned, slapping down her last card.
"I play, Fusion Tag, and use it to treat my Moon-Light Blue Cat as Moon-Light Panther Dancer!"
A holographic projection of Panther Dancer appeared over Blue Cat, who looked up at Panther Dancer like she wanted a hug.
"Ooooh baby kitten!" the holographic projection of Panther Dancer called out in a voice that was somewhat blurred by static. "What have we got ourselve's here!? I don't remember invitin' yall to our's family reunion!" she growled, wagging her finger at Bill Cipher.
"Momma Panther Dancer!" Blue Cat whined, "White Rabbit keeps tormenting me!"
"Oh I'm so sorry ma'am!" White Rabbit apologized, suddenly sounding sweet and angelic. "I was just playing croquet with my little sister here…" she gently hugged Blue Cat who recoiled in shock, "…when my hand accidently slipped and I bonked her in the head. I tried REALLY hard to apologize, but she just wouldn't listen! Purple Butterfly will back me up on this… right Butterfly?"
Purple Butterfly nervously shook her head, eyeing White Rabbit's mallet.
"Oooh… what I been tellin' you chill'en 'bout playin' with them big mallets! Them things is DANGEROUS!" she grabbed White Rabbit's mallet away, much to Blue Cat and Purple Butterfly's relief, and White Rabbit's fury. "Now why don't yall hug it out like good chill'en 'fore we fuse together as one big happy family!?"
Blue Cat and White Rabbit glared at each other, pulling one another into a rather rough hug.
"I am SOOOO sorry!" White Rabbit hissed, cracking Blue Cat's spine.
"I iz forgiving you!" Blue Cat hissed back, digging her claws into White Rabbit's back.
"Uhm… go Moon-Lights?" Purple Butterfly cheered unenthusiastically before the holographic projection of Panther Dancer scooped them all up in a loving motherly hug.
"See that chill'en!? Now that's the power of forgivin an' forgettin! Now let me see yall shake what Mama Sophia Goddess of Creation gave ya 'cause we 'bout to fusion summon!YEAH!"
Blue Cat, White Rabbit, and Purple Butterfly grudgingly grabbed each other's hands before rising into the Fusion Portal with the holographic projection of Panther Dancer whipping out a handkerchief and wiping away tears of joy while she watched.
"They yall grow up so fast!" Panther Dancer sniffled as the three Moon-Light monsters blended together.
"Cute but annoying Lol Kitten who I still don't know whether to love or hate…" Selena chanted, "…deranged White Rabbit who is definitely going to see some professional help tomorrow, Purple Butterfly… who's actually pretty decent if you compare her with the others, at least pretend that you like each other for the sake of this Fusion Summon, and become the physical embodiment of your family's craziness! YUUGO SHOKAN! Come forth! Moon-Light… oh what the heck, you know who she is!"
"Wassup BP!?" Leo Dancer called to Bloom Prima as she front flipped out the Fusion Portal.
"Oh you know wassup LD!" Bloom Prima called back, zooming over to hug her bestie. "Yall ready to tear up this joint with another Fusion Girls' Night Out!?"
"You know it!" Leo Dancer roared with excitement.
"Moving on!" Selena continued, interrupting the two ace-monster's conversation. "Since I solved Bill Cipher's puzzle…"
"YOU DIDN'T SOLVE ANYTHING!" Yuri roared.
"MY TURN, MY WIN!" Selena snapped back, "ANYWAY… since, either way, Bill Cipher's stupid puzzle was solved, I now use its effect to allow all of us to Fusion Summon as many Fusion Monsters as we want from our Extra Deck without any of their Fusion Materials! Go ahead Yuzu, you go first!"
Yuzu started to blush even more. "Uhm… do I have to? I mean… Bloom Prima's already pretty good and uhm… I think… uhm…"
"Oh come on! Just summon them! I know you've got them with you!" Selena whined.
"F-fine!" Yuzu sputtered, sweating with embarrassment as she pulled out two other cards from her Extra Deck. "I s-s-summon, S-Schuberta the Melodious B-b-b-beat-boxer, and… and… Bloom Diva, t-t-the Melodioius…" she hung her head in shame, "Dub-Step Mixer."
Schuberta appeared first through the Fusion Portal, wearing a backwards baseball cap on her head and shades over her eyes. Cupping her right hand over her mouth, she swayed her head and left hand back and forth while using her voice to mimic the sound of drums and create a background beat.
Bloom Diva was the next to appear. Her wacky hair-do remained, but her dress had been completely replaced with a pair of black jeans, a black shirt, and red hoodie, and her base flower had been replaced by a massive mix booth sitting on top of a spinning record.
"Let's make some muuuuuuuuusiiiiiccc!" Bloom Prima called out, electronically filtering her voice while cranking up the bass volume. "Hit it Schuberta!"
"Bwa-ga-ga-ga! Bwa-ga-ga-ga! Bwa-ga-ga-ga! Bwa-ga-ga-ga!" Schuberta boomed, dropping beats like a boss.
"Ahhhh yeah!" Bloom Prima cheered, "Things just got real up in here! Ya'll ready to bust out those sick dance moves LD!?"
"I got ya covered BP!" Leo Dancer roared. "Hey yo Selena! Bring out my home girls! We're about to get real up in this club!"
"Why do I have a feeling I'm gonna regret this?" Selena asked, staring at Yuzu's ridiculous Fusion Monsters.
"If I had to do it, YOU have to do it!" Yuzu snapped.
"Okay… fine!" Selena snarled. "With the effect of Bill Cipher's card, I Fusion Summon my other two equally annoying Fusion Monsters, Moon-Light Panther Dancer and Cat Dancer!"
"OOOOOOOOooooooooooh Momma Jimmy Bean!" Panther Dancer whooped, swinging her hips through the Fusion Portal. "Now that's what I'm talkin' about! Ya'll better show some reception for the fan favorite, 'cause Momma Panther Dancer's 'bout to bust a move! YEAH! Pump it up! Let's get crazy up in here!"
"Ugh… like… no Amazoness Queen. I like… totally did not steal Amazoness Empress's hair style! I mean… like… UUUGHHH! That girl's… like… a total…"
"Wass that ya'll about to slip from yo' mouth!" Panther Dancer scolded, smacking Cat Dancer on top of the head. "Don't ju be makin' me slap some sense into you, oh's else you's goin' back in the Extra Deck!"
"Seriously!? Like… ouch!" Cat Dancer whined, "Like… gotta call you back Amazoness Queen. Panther Dancer's… like… totally ruining everything right now!"
"Is that sass I'm hearin' comin outta yo' mouth CD!?" Panther Dancer hissed.
Cat Dancer groaned melodramatically. "Ugh… like… no PD…"
"That's MOMMA PD to you CD!" Panther Dancer corrected.
"Like… whatever!" Cat Dancer whined, "You're not… like… my real mother!"
"Oooh! We got ourselves a feral cat here!" Panther Dancer sang, putting her Panther paws on her hips. "Now ya'll know what we do to feral cat's cell phones 'round here?"
Cat Dancer suddenly looked afraid. "Uhm… no ma'am?" She whimpered, clutching her cell phone to her chest.
"Ooooh… well then… let me tell ya'll somethin' baby girl!" Panther Dancer advanced on Cat Dancer, wagging her finger in front of her miniature version's face. "First thing we ya'll do is take that Cell Phone and put a pass code on it only we ya'll can break!"
"NO!" Cat Dancer gasped.
"And that aint even the worst part!" Panther Dancer cackled, smiling at Cat Dancer's growing horror. "Next thing we ya'll do is lock that phone up only let them feral cats use it when they ask fo' permission!"
"Stop! Please stop it!" Cat Dancer yowled.
"Oooh, I be tellin' you baby girl!" Panther Dancer continued, pressing her forehead threateningly against Cat Dancer's headdress. "The only things them feral cats is able to use once we's done with them is the…" she paused for dramatic tension, "LANDLINE!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Cat Dancer wailed, curling up into a fetal position.
"Ya'll want that to happen to you!?" Panther Dancer roared.
"No ma'am!" Cat Dancer squeaked like a newborn kitten.
"Well that's funny, 'cause I thought ya'll was bein' a feral cat a few moments ago!" Panther Dancer rumbled, cracking the knuckles of her paws.
"I'm well bred! I'm well bred!" Cat Dancer protested, plastering on a fake smile.
"Now that's mo' like it!" Panther Dancer nodded, holding out her paw. "Now why don't ya'll give me yo' cell phone and we can enjoy this family bondin' time together?"
"I think I'm already bonded enough with you when you use me as a Fusion Material!" Cat Dancer grumbled under her breath.
"IS THAT FERAL CAT I'M SMELLIN'!" Panther Dancer roared.
"Here's my cell phone ma'am!" Cat Dancer hastily complied, "Oh boy! I am just ready to enjoy some quality time with my… favorite… person in the whole world!" she added with a strained happy expression on her face.
"That's what I thought you said!" Panther Dancer snapped, grabbing the Cell Phone from Cat Dancer.
"Please tell me Vampire Yuri's Fusion Monsters are actually serious." Yuzu moaned.
"They have no choice but to be serious." Vampire Yuri brooded. "Any hopes they had for a life as a happy and normal trading card were dashed when their booster packs were taken off the shelves and they were…"
"Okay… less backstory and more Fusion Summoning!" Yuzu whined.
"Awww… but it's a really cool story!" Selena protested.
"Not now Selena!" Yuzu snapped.
"Yuzu's right Selena." said Vampire Yuri, clenching his fists with conflicted determination, "I have hidden behind the mask of a tragic backstory and cruel fate for too long."
"Oh give me a break!" Yuri gagged.
"It's time for me to face the inner demons lurking in my Extra Deck and call forth their dark powers, even if I might lose my soul in the process! My only consolation, is that in doing so, I will be letting you live for another day!"
"Oh Vampire Yuri!" Selena cried, hugging Vampire Yuri who stood stoically rigid as he drew a pair of cards from his Extra Deck and placed them on his Duel Disk.
"Using my inner darkness and twisted emotions…" Vampire Yuri groaned with inner turmoil, "…I Fusion Summon the fiercely predatory and fiercely passionate, Bare Chested Werewolf, and his equally dark companion, Vampire Boyfriend!"
In an epic swirl of bats, Vampire Yuri's two Fusion Monsters appeared to his field, one a bare-chested wolf-man with bulging muscles, and the other, a pale-skinned goth vampire holding a blood-red apple in one pale hand, and a rose in the other.
"My lady!" Each of them proclaimed, taking one of Selena's hands in their own and kneeling at her feet while she panted like Moon-Light Wolf.
"Oh please!" Yuri roared. "Those two Fusion Monsters are STUPID! Let me show you what REAL Fusion Monsters look like! I Fusion Summon Predator Plants Chimerafflesia, and my totally awesome, Starve Venom Fusion Dragon!"
Starve Venom headed out of the Fusion Portal first before stopping and noticing that Chimerafflesia hadn't followed him.
"Oh come on!" he encouraged, "Don't be shy!"
"B-b-b-but!" a nervous female voice whimpered, "W-w-what if they don't like me!"
"You're the first Predator Plants Fusion Monster Konami revealed in the manga!" Venom soothed, "There's no way they couldn't love you!"
"Oh… uhm… alright… Starve Venom, but just b-b-because I, t-t-trust you."
I gigantic Rafflesia with jagged teeth over its flower and multiple vines with gapping mouths flopped onto the dueling field. Straitening itself out, it adjusted a bow on top of its head.
"D-d-do I look good?" Chimerafflesia whimpered.
"OOOOOOOOH YUCK!" Selena shrieked, "Yuri! What the heck is that smell! That plant smells like a stinkin' corpse!"
Chimerafflesia hung her head down with shame.
"Oh… that's just her natural scent." Starve Venom laughed, "She's a really nice carnivorous plant once you get to know her! Come on! I'd like you to meet my friend, Leo Dancer!" Starve Venom cheered, putting Leo Dancer's paw into Chimerafflesia's vine so they could shake hands.
"Pleasure." Leo Dancer groaned, plugging her nose.
"Oh… uhm…" Chimerafflessia started to pour buckets of sappy sweat down her petals, feeling overwhelmed by the flurry of social activity. Awkwardly letting go of Leo Dancer's paw, she ran back to Yuri.
"I'm so sorry Venom!" she apologized, "Maybe next time! I think I'd rather hang out in the Extra Deck some more before I officially make my debut!" She transformed into a flash of holographic energy and zipped back into Yuri's Extra Deck, much to Yuri's annoyance.
"FINE! WHATEVER!" he snarled. "BE A PANSY WHY DON'T YOU!? I DON'T NEED YOU ANYWAY!"
"Sorry about that, Leo Dancer." Venom apologized. "She's usually much more outgoing. But I'm sure you'll REALLY like her once you get to know her!"
"Yeah… sure Venom." said Leo Dancer with a skeptical expression on her face.
"So… Leo Dancer?" Venom started to look very nervous. "Well… uhm… we're kind of on the duel field again, do you wanna… I don't know… dance to the music Yuzu's monsters are playing? I mean… I know how much you love dance clubs."
Leo Dancer rolled her eyes. "Sorry Venom, but I've gotta catch up with my home girls first! Aint that right BP!?"
"You know it!" BP cheered, taking a selfie with Leo Dancer.
"Well that's okay." Starve Venom mumbled, "Can I just ask for the dance next turn then?"
Leo Dancer rubbed her forehead with exasperation. "Okay… look Venom, I'm gonna explain this to you in a way even YOU can understand."
"You thinkin' what I'm thinkin' gurl?" Bloom Prima smiled
"Oh yeah!" Leo Dancer roared. "Hit it girls!"
Venom watched as Yuzu and Selena's Fusion Monsters put on a surprisingly well choreographed song and dance number.
Monster Zone
(A song that is totally not a parody of Lady Gaga's, "Telephone.")
Leo Dancer:
Venom, Venom your so dumb that you force me to sing
I aint got no time for you or even Crystal Wing, wing!
Bloom Prima:
Wh-wh-what are ya doin' Venom, you know she is my best buddy!
So sorry she aint talkin' now, but we're kinda busy!
Bloom Prima and Leo Daner:
K-Kinda Busy
K-Kinda Busy
Sorry we aint dating now
We're kinda busy!
Panther Dancer:
Hold on for just a minute, what's this I'm about to hear!
Is Venom hittin' on ya'll again!? 'Cause that's my worst fear!
Bloom Diva:
Venom should've thought for just a sec, before he tried to capture me!
Now I aint buyin' this nice guy act 'cause I'll be singing!
All the Melodious:
We'll be singing
All the Moon-Lights:
We'll be dancing!
All the Melodious and Moon-Lights:
Tonight we aint datin' no one
'cause we are partying!
…
Stop whining, stop crying
I don't even want to know!
I left my card and my heart on the dance floor!
Stop whining stop crying
'cause we aint ever gonna yield!
I left my card and my heart on the duel field!
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Stop tryin' to fuse with me
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
I'm busy, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Stop tryin' to fuse with me
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Try and fuse all you want, but you're stayin' alone
And you're not gonna reach my Monster Zone!
Search the Extra Deck, but no matter how you check
You will not find me in your Monster Zone!
Try and fuse all you want, but you're stayin' alone
And you're not gonna reach my Monster Zone!
Search the Extra Deck, but no matter how you check
You will not find me in your Monster Zone!
My Monster Zone!
M-m-my Monster Zone!
Search the Extra Deck, but no matter how you check
You will not find me in your Monster Zone!
My Monster Zone!
M-m-my Monster Zone!
Search the Extra Deck, but no matter how you check
You will not find me in your Monster Zone!
They all started panting after they had finished their show-stopping number.
"Well…?" Leo Dancer asked, "Do you get it now?"
"Boy… do I ever!?" Starve Venom applauded, clapping his claws together, "I did not know you guys were this talented! We should totally do some musical numbers together!"
Bloom Prima, Leo Dancer, and the rest of Yuzu and Selena's Fusion Monsters face-palmed.
"This is gonna be a long duel with Venom around." Leo Dancer groaned.
"Hey LD," Bloom Prima inquired, "you got that… special… medication on ya?"
"Only if you've got your special prescription on you." Leo Dancer replied.
"You know I do, girl!" said Bloom Prima, fluffing up the two flowers that were growing on her back.
"Wow…" said Bill Cipher, gawking at the crazy antiques of each of his opponent's Fusion Monsters, "…are you guys' duels always this weird? I'm just sayin'. I'm pretty good at making things chaotic myself but this… this just blows me away."
"You have no idea, Bill Cipher." Yuri groaned, "You have no idea at all."
"So you guys gonna end your turn or what?" Bill Cipher asked, checking his watch. "Not that I'm complaining of course. But I mean… you guys can't attack anyway, and I'd really like to destroy you all right about now."
"I'd like to see you try!" Selena countered. "There's no way you're gonna beat us with all these awesome monsters!"
Bill Cipher eyed Bloom Prima and Leo Dancer, who were exchanging some packages with each other while nobody was looking. "Right…" he smirked, "…you've got some REALLY epic monsters over there."
"Well I'd like to see you try and stop them!" Selena snarled. "I end my turn!"
"I must also end my turn." Vampire Yuri groaned. "Alas… even with my unspeakably awesome powers, I too cannot break battle royal rules and attack on my first turn!"
"I pass on my turn." Yuri muttered. "I'll just wait for the rest of you guys to finish whatever lame moves you're gonna make before I take out this triangular punk once and for all."
Bill Cipher started snickering to himself. "And what makes you think…?" more snickering, "…that you will actually…" the snickering intensified, "…get another turn!?" Bill Cipher started growing in size, tripling and tripling in height till he was as tall as the great pyramids of Egypt. "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK…" he boomed in a deep, demonic voice, "THAT YOU GUYS SUMMONING YOUR IDIOTIC FUSION MONSTERS WASN'T MY PLAN TO BEGIN WITH!?"
All of Bill Cipher's opponents, except for Vampire Yuri, slowly backed away as Bill Cipher leered at them with an evil expression on his face.
"What the heck do you mean this was all part of your plan!?" Yuzu shrieked, "How could you possibly benefit from us having all our Fusion Monsters on the field?"
"You're completely crazy!" Selena sputtered.
"Exactly!" Yuri agreed, "There aint nothing in this universe who's got the Attack Points to stand up to my Ace Monster!"
"OH REALLY?" Bill Cipher boomed. "Well then… since we are in your mind, why don't I introduce you and your little friends to one of your little nightmares!?"
"Nightmares!?" Yuri gawked. "Wondering what Bill Cipher was talking about."
Bill Cipher rumbled with explosive laughter.
"MY TURN!" he roared, "DRAAAW!" he sneered down at his tiny opponents before slapping down a card.
"I activate the magic card, Evil Fusion, and fuse two of Yuri's nightmares, Parasitically Predatory Plants – Fly Hellspawn of Pure Demonic Evil, and Perniciously Pugilistic Predatory Plants – Moray Nepenthes of Absolute Villainy, to Evil Fusion Summon!"
"WHAT!?" Yuri screamed, jumping out of his military boots.
"Yuri!" Selena growled, "What exactly did you dream about!?"
"We're dead!" Yuri shrieked, "We're all dead! GAME OVER! WE'RE NOT MAKING IT TO ANOTHER CHAPTER… of our lives. WE'RE DOOMED!"
Bill Cipher glowed with demonic red light as he began his Fusion Chant:
"Two Hellish flowers with a deadly alluring fragrance forged from the very blackened pits of Tartarus itself, blend your fierce chaotic evil together and create a vile new horror from the nightmare fuel that bubbles beneath your thorny and villainous petals! AKU NO YUUGO SHOKAN! Come forth! Poison and plague spreading dragon with fangs endlessly hungering for mindless violence and slaughter! Level six-hundred and sixty-six million! Sadistically Savage Hunger and Starvation Venom Evil Fusion Dragon of Ultimate Evil… that is totally EVIL!"
Yuri almost fainted as the Dragon from his dream rose from the pits of Hell. (See chapter 6 for details on its horrific appearance). Roaring with demonic fury, a holographic indicator appeared and showed an ATK of 28,000.
"It's okay!" Yuzu reassured everyone. My Bloom Diva can defeat it! Right Bloom Diva?
"H-hey…" Bloom Diva mumbled with a dazed expression on her face, "You got any… you got any more… pixie dust on you… Bloom Prima?"
"I think… I think I've still got an ounce left." Bloom Prima droned with a very slurred voice, handing her fellow Fusion Monster a bag filled with rainbow-colored glitter. Bloom Diva sprinkled the sparkly pixie dust in her face, blinking as her eyes slowly widened to the size of dinner plates.
"Whoo-hoo-hoo!" Bloom Diva whooped, "I'm makin' some… I'm makin' some music now!" she collapsed on her face.
"BLOOM PRIMA!" Yuzu roared, "What the heck!? Are you dealing Pixie Dust!? You know that stuff's illegal!"
"Hey LD… can I… Can I borrow some of that… catnip you got?" Bloom Prima mumbled.
"Sure…" Leo Dancer slurred, "…knock your…knock yourself out with it! Just so long as I can… have some of that… flower nectar you're drinking!"
"Sure bestie!" Bloom Prima burbled, squeezing some nectar from one of her flowers into a cup and handing it to Leo Dancer before squeezing some more liquid into her own mouth.
"Oh you've gotta be kidding me!" Yuzu raged, "FLOWER NECTAR TOO!? Are you trying to kill yourself!"
Bloom Prima started laughing her head off.
"I SWEAR TO DRUNK, I'M NOT THE EGYPTIAN GODS, YUZU!" Bloom Prima roared, taking a sniff of some of Leo Dancer's catnip before collapsing on her back in a daze.
"Oh come on!" Yuzu snarled, "I taught you better than this! You know what that stuff does to fairies!"
"Don't… don't worry Yuzu…" Bloom Prima reassured her master, "It's all… it's all good! See?" she sucked some more nectar from her flower. "I grow it myself! It's all… it's all natural!"
"Well so's arsenic!" Yuzu snapped, "But you don't see me chugging bottles of that stuff! Now stop it right now!"
"Okay… MOM!" Bloom Prima laughed hysterically before passing out.
"Panther Dancer!" Selena roared, "Where are you!? Leo Dancer's getting into all kinds of junk! Why aren't you disciplining her!?"
"Now let me tell you something, Amazoness Empress," Panther Dancer jabbered away on Cat Dancer's phone, completely unaware of what was going on around her. "raisin' them Moon-Lights is like raisin' a bunch of animals in a circus! An' I don't mean the good kind! I'm tellin' ya gurl! Keepin' a sorority of Amazoness babes in line is one thing, but them Moon-Lights is all animals! I can't trust that Leo Dancer two minutes out there alone in the street without doing something that'll put her on the ban list!"
"Uhm… guys?" Venom mumbled, patting Bloom Prima and Leo Dancer on the cheeks in an effort to sober them up.
"And now my… or should I say… Yuri's dragon's ability activates!" Bill Cipher laughed. "Once per turn, its Attack Power is multiplied by the total multiplied attack power of all my opponent's Special Summoned monsters!"
I'm not going to tell you how huge Starvation Venom's ATK became, just trust me, it was huge.
"And that's not all!" Bill Cipher continued, cackling even more loudly. "Once per turn, my monster can also negate the effects of all my opponent's monsters and gains their effects!"
Starvation Venom roared with demonic fury as tendrils of darkness wrapped around all the other Fusion Monsters before draining away their power and adding it to his own evil might.
"Dead!" Yuri whimpered. "So dead!"
"Oh look at you, Yuri!" Bill Cipher mocked, "You're so ahead of the game right now! I bet you know exactly what I'm gonna do now!"
"Mmmmhmmm!" Yuri cowered.
"What!" Selena growled, "What's he gonna do!?"
Yuri glared back at her. "Well…" he snarled, "Let's just say it's your monster's fault that we're gonna lose!"
"My monster's fault!?" Selena roared.
"Yeah!" Yuri countered. "It's your stinkin' Panther Dancer! He's gonna use its ability just like he used your White Rabbit's ability!"
"THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!" Selena bellowed, "You're the one that dreamed that stupid dragon up in the first place! If you weren't so gosh darned insecure with yourself and your ace monster maybe this wouldn't have happened!"
"Guys! Guys!" Venom screamed, trying to calm everyone down, "Please stop fighting! We can still win if we believe in ourselves!"
"Oh Venom!" Bill Cipher snickered, "You're so gosh darn optimistic!" he leered down at the relatively tiny dragon, eye glowing with blood red light. "Why don't I finish you off first!?"
"Uhm… because we still haven't become friends yet?" Venom squeaked.
"BWAAAAAAAAAAAA HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA HAAAA! AAAAAHHHHH HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWW! AAAAAH HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWW!" Bill Cipher bellowed uncontrollably. "STARVATION VENOM EVIL FUSION DRAGON!" he roared, "USE THAT SASSY MOMMA PANTHER DANCER'S ABILITY TO BLOW ALL MY OPPOSITION AWAY!"
"Oooh… you gonna get it now!" Panther Dancer roared, "Aint nobody steals my ability without gettin' a double dose of sense slapped into…"
The rest of her sentence was cut off as all eight of Starvation Venom's mouths fired a blast of molten hot hell-fire at Yuzu, Selena, Vampire Yuri, and regular Yuri, blasting them and all their monsters away.
Yuzu barely managed to use her magical girl powers to transform her fan into a colossal paper barrier, shielding herself, her monsters, and the other duelists and their monsters from the majority of the blast. Unfortunately, Starvation Venom's attack was so powerful, that while they managed to survive, they all got thrown back to the end of the hallway. Bill Cipher gave one last series of crazy cackles before zooming away again with Yuri's memories in his hands.
Staggering to their feet, everyone gave a collective groan as they brushed dust off themselves and patted out flames from their hair and clothing.
"Well that's just perfect!" Yuri stormed, "Now Bill Cipher has what he wants, and we're gonna be trapped here forever! And it's all your fault!" he pointed his finger at Selena.
"MY FAULT!?" Selena shrieked, "HOW THE HECK IS ANY OF THIS MY FAULT!?"
"YOU WERE THE IDIOT WHO PLAYED INTO BILL CIPHER'S HANDS!" Yuri roared back. "SENDING HIS TRAP CARD BACK TO HIS HAND! HAVING US FUSION SUMMON ALL OUR MONSTERS!"
"THIS COMING FROM THE GUY WHO'S LITERALLY DESTROYING THE MULTIVERSE BLINDLY FOLLOWING EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE PROFESSOR'S ORDERS!" Selena bellowed.
"Guys?" Venom squeaked.
"WHAT!?" Selena and Yuri hollered in unison.
"Look!" Venom pleaded, "It's nobody's fault! We just got beaten, that's all! Fighting about it isn't going to solve anything. We've gotta find the silver lining in…"
"Oh what silver lining!?" Leo Dancer snarled, fully recovered from her catnip high. "Don't you get it Venom!? Oh wait… what am I talking about? This is Venom. YOU DON'T GET IT VENOM! There's not always a silver lining to everything! Sometimes, your dreams just get shattered, okay! Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to be the best, along comes a freaking Crystal Wing to rub his superior stats in your face! And when that happens, I can gosh darn tell you that your dragon boyfriend isn't gonna be there to comfort you after your rear end's been blasted back into the card world!"
"What was that last bit?" Venom asked.
"NOTHING!" Leo Dancer hissed, tail twitching angrily.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but Selena's stupid ace monster is right!" Yuri growled. "It's over! We're cooked! And all because my ace monster's the stupidest, weakest, most pathetic dragon in all the multiverse!"
"Oh come on, Yuri old pal." Starve Venom whimpered, "You don't really mean that, do you?"
"How about you pay attention for the first time in your life to what I have to say to you!" Yuri snarled, shoving his face right up against Starve Venom's. "I… HATE… YOU!"
Starve Venom looked like he was about to cry.
"GET OUT OF HERE!" Yuri bellowed, chucking the Starve Venom card at his ace monster. "TAKE YOUR STUPID CARD WITH YOU AND NEVER SHOW YOURSELF TO MY FACE AGAIN!"
Starve Venom couldn't help himself. Giving in to his sadness, he let tears stream down his eyes as he balled his head off and ran away from his master, carrying his card with him. In the background, Starve Venom could hear everyone continuing to argue amongst themselves.
But Starve Venom didn't even care about that. His venomous heart was so broken up by what Yuri had yelled at him. Stopping at a hallway lined with more doors of Yuri's memories, he tried to comfort himself. He attempted to sing a few songs, but the words just stuck in his throat. He tried to think happy thoughts, but his memories of Yuri's anger just kept crowding them out.
"Do I deserve this?" Starve Venom asked himself. He had, after all, kind of caused the problem in the first place. He couldn't believe he had just decided to interfere with Yuri's date by making that deal with Bill Cipher. That was the kind of thing Emperor Yusho would do. Force people to be happy against their will.
"Maybe it's just better if I let them be sad, rather than try and cheer them up." Venom groaned, slumping against a door.
Without warning the door opened up, and Venom jumped back just in time to see a memory of Yuri speaking with the professor, Leo Akaba.
"I just don't get it." said Leo. "I could probably give you a WAY better ace monster than that Starve Venom Fusion Dragon. So why do you put up with that thing?"
Yuri motioned the professor over to himself and started whispering in his ear. Venom leaned in to catch what he was saying.
"Look Professor," Yuri whispered, "let me be straight with you, I hate him! I really hate him! He's the stupidest dragon in the entire multiverse and I just want to get rid of him!"
Venom hung his head down. "So it's true." He thought to himself. "Yuri really doesn't like me, he just didn't figure out how to get away from me since I'm so clingy." A tear trickled down his nose as his other seven mouths sniffled. "I'll bet Leo Dancer feels the same way about me too!"
He was about to close the door and curl up into a dark corner when he suddenly heard Yuri say something else.
"Yeah…" Yuri chuckled to himself, "…there's no denying it. As far as ace monsters go… he's the worst... but honestly… I think I prefer it that way."
Starve Venom perked up his ears and leaned in to hear a little better.
"What do you mean?" the professor asked, scratching the metal plate on his head.
"Well… it's hard to explain." Yuri admitted. "But… well… Venom sort of… reminds me of myself."
"Of yourself?" the professor prompted.
"Yeah…" Yuri thought. "You know professor, I'll be honest, I was never really cool or popular in school. I tried to make friends, but people just shoved me away. So I gave up and decided to become the tough guy." He chuckled some more to himself. "That was what I chose to do. But Venom… he's a different case. No matter how much I shove him away, berate him, yell at him, threaten him, he's always been there for me, and refuses to stop being my friend. I can't help but love him, precisely because he's the guy who annoys me the most! No matter how annoyed I get, I always know Venom's gonna be there to try and cheer me up with a friendly smile and corny song. So that's why I'm keeping him! I mean, sure, I'll still rave at him like an angry lunatic, that's kind of part of the fun, but I'll always like the guy, especially when he gets super annoying."
"Yuri!" Starve Venom exclaimed, heart bursting with joy. Without thinking, Starve Venom rushed through the memory door and hugged a shocked mental Yuri while the mental professor stared with a dumbfounded expression on his face.
"Woah! Venom, what are you doing here?" mental Yuri asked, keeping his voice surprisingly level.
"Oh uhm… sorry!" Venom apologized. "I just… I just couldn't help myself! I didn't know that's how you really felt about me!"
"Oh… so you heard that." Mental Yuri whistled. "Whelp, I guess you'd better hope Yuri doesn't realize you heard it."
"What will he do?" Starve Venom asked, feeling a little concerned.
Mental Yuri smirked at him. "He'll throw the biggest fit you've ever seen in your life… and still be your best friend."
Venom smiled back at mental Yuri, making a mental note to himself that it would probably be better not to let Yuri know he had this kind of interaction with his inner thoughts.
"But seriously." Mental Yuri asked, "What are you doing in here Starve Venom? Bill's on the loose and your friends need you now more than ever!"
Starve Venom nervously twiddled his claws. "I tried Yuri… I really did! But no matter what I do, they won't listen to me! And besides… Bill Cipher is just so powerful! How are we supposed to beat him in a duel anyway!?"
Mental Yuri smirked before waving his hand through the air and making an Action Card randomly appear in the palm of his hand.
"WOAH!" Starve Venom exclaimed, "How did you do that!?"
"Word to the wise, Venom." Yuri smirked. "You're in my mind. You can do anything with the power of imagination… just so long as you get Yuri angry enough."
An idea suddenly formed in Starve Venom's mind. "Get Yuri angry enough…" he thought to himself, "THAT'S IT!" he jumped ten meters off the ground, before hugging mental Yuri and the confused mental professor and running out of the memory room at top speed. "Thanks Yuri!" Starve Venom called, "I love you!"
"I hate you too." Mental Yuri called back, smiling to himself.
Venom raced back to find everyone still arguing with each other, except for Vampire Yuri who was just staring into the distance and brooding. Selena and Yuri were at each other's throats… literally. Whatever they were shouting at each other had become completely incoherent as they crushed each other's windpipes until their faces turned the same shade as Selena's hair.
"Everyone!" Starve Venom shouted, "I have something important to say!"
Selena and Yuri both let go of each other's necks and stared back at Starve Venom.
"VENOM!" Yuri roared. "What the heck are you doing back here!? I thought I told you to leave!"
"Not before I've had my say." Venom insisted.
Yuri quivered with rage. "You know what… fine! What is it you have to say Venom!? What's so extremely important!?"
"Forgive me Yuri." Venom thought to himself. "But there is only one demon I know of that can stand up to Bill Cipher."
Venom cleared his eight throats. "I wish to express my feelings to my master!" Venom proclaimed "And I will do so… in the form… of a song!"
"Don't… you… dare!" Yuri snarled.
Venom dared.
Venom:
Oh in this multiverse there's lots of Yuri's, and they all are pretty nice!
Some enjoy hunting games, and others prefer cooking rice!
But let me tell you about two of the best ones, I love them till the end.
Their names are Vampire Yuri, and just plain Yuri, and I love em till the end!"
"Venom!" Yuri growled, "If you don't shut up right now… I'm gonna…!"
Venom:
Vampire Yuri's very beastly, with muscles ripping out his shirt!
Just plain Yuri's body's kind of flimsy, making it hard for him to flirt!
But just plain Yuri's good at singing, if he's lip-syncing the words!
Vampire Yuri's never singing, he's way cooler than the nerds!
Yuri:
(Eyes turning purple) VEEEEEEEEEEEENOOOOOOOOOOM!
Venom:
(Picking up speed) We're not all perfect like Vampire Yuri, sometimes it's best to settle for something less!
And just plain Yuri isn't that bad… he looks really cute in a dress!
Yuri:
(Goes… completely… berserk… bananas…with a cherry on top) RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Venom:
Everybody run! Yuri's about to blow!
Leo Dancer:
Venom! What the heck are you doing!?
Venom:
Trust me! It's the only way to defeat Bill! Just stay out of Yuri's way and let him handle the rest!
(Everyone starts running from Yuri's unholy wrath)
Yuri:
DESTROY YOU! AND EVERYTHING! DESTROY YUZU! DESTROY SELENA! DESTROY VEEEEEEEEENOMMMMMMMMMM! DESTROY! DESTROY! DEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY!
Venom:
So I'm REALLY sorry buddy! I meant almost nothing in that song!
But sometimes to do something really good, you gotta do something a little wrong!
I hope you don't mind this tough love, and I hope it's not too late!
Because, OH MY EGYPTIAN GODS YOU'RE FULL OF HATE!
Yuri was almost completely inhuman. Completely disobeying the laws of physics, he plowed strait through doors, stone walls, and even Yuzu's own magical girl paper fan when she tried to whack him away.
"You sure this isn't just gonna get us all killed!" Yuzu screamed, as Yuri started tearing up his own mental-scape with his mere presence.
"Don't worry!" Venom huffed, picking up his pace. "We only have to last until we find Bill Cipher!"
"For the record Venom…" Selena snarled, "…and I can't believe I'm saying this… but I agree with Yuri on this one! You ARE the worst ace monster in the history of Duel Monsters!"
"I know right!?" Venom smiled, beaming with pride.
Suddenly, Yuri started to catch up to Leo Dancer.
"STUPID KITTY!" he roared like a feral beast, "WON'T… GRANT… ME… WISH! MUST DIE!" he lunged at Leo Dancer, who, for a moment, thought she saw Crystal Wing Synchro Dragon charging at her again. But just as Yuri was about to turn Leo Dancer into a Lion-skin rug, Venom suddenly leaped forward, scooped her up in his arms, and flew out of Berserk/Going Completely Bananas Yuri's reach.
"What the!?" Leo Dancer exclaimed, surprised she hadn't been sent to the graveyard again. "Venom?"
"You were right Leo Dancer." Venom admitted, "I wasn't there for you when you were fighting Crystal Wing. But this time, I'm gonna make sure Yuri's only attack target is me!"
"What do you…?" Leo Dancer barely managed to get out before Starve Venom tossed her back onto the ground, before stopping in front of Berserk/Bananas Yuri, taunting him with a silly face.
"DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Yuri bellowed, exceeding his exclamation point limit for the day.
Yuri managed to evade Berserk/Bananas Yuri through every room in Academia. Finally, at the bottom of Academia's basement, he managed to find Bill Cipher, holding the memory door aloft and conversing through a portal with a figure whose appearance was concealed in shadow.
"You have the memory…Bill?" asked a voice Starve Venom was pretty sure he had heard before.
"Relax, hot shot." Bill Cipher smirked. "I have the memories right here! See for yourself!"
He held up the door to the shadowed figure's face, who examined the memory intently.
Suddenly, right behind Starve Venom, Yuri smashed into the room with the strength of half a trillion Vampire Yuri's.
"BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" Yuri bellowed, eyes glowing like purple supernovas.
"Huh!?" Bill Cipher managed to get out before, Yuri pounced on the triangular demon, tore the door from his spindly black hands, and threw it into a memory door containing a memory of himself getting warped into a dimensional vortex. Bill Cipher watched in helpless horror as the memory door disappeared in a flash of pink light.
"Well… that's a real shame." The figure in the portal sighed, sounding very disappointed. "But I'm afraid the deals off."
"No wait!" Bill Cipher screamed, "I can still get it for you! I just have to cream these punks again!"
"Goodbye Bill." The figure curtly responded before the portal closed up and disappeared.
By this time, Berserk/Bananas Yuri had started to calm down and return to his regular, not so angry, (though mind you that it is still VERY angry,) self.
"Wh-what the?" Yuri groaned, wiping away a nose bleed while Yuzu, Selena, Vampire Yuri, and their monsters entered the room. "H-how did I? What happened?"
"YOU!" Bill Cipher roared, turning red hot. "I HAD THE CHANCE TO FINALLY GET OUT OF THIS STUPID FANFICTION MULTIVERSE AND CREATE AN ALL NEW GRAVITY FALLS SPIN-OFF SERIES FEATURING ME! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU IDIOTS COST ME TODAY!?"
Yuri chuckled weakly to himself, still in a slight daze. "The chance to… huh huh… finally be taken seriously as a villain?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Bill Cipher roared, exceeding his caps-lock and exclamation point limit in one fell swoop. Trapping everyone in a ring of fire, Bill Cipher grew fifty times his normal size before whipping out his pyramid-shaped Duel Disk while wearing a murderous expression on his… face.
"WHEN I WIN THIS DUEL… I WILL RIP OUT YOUR SOULS AND TEAR YOUR BODIES INTO ATOMS!" Bill Cipher roared.
Yuri, Selena, Yuzu, and Vampire Yuri all gathered together and whipped out their Duel Disks, staring back at the demon with a look of defiance on their faces.
"I'm not falling for your tricks again!" Selena shouted back. "When my turn comes, Leo Dancer's gonna kick your 2D butt for real this time!"
"And when she's done with that, I'm gonna introduce you to my best buddy the fan!" Yuzu threatened, slapping her magical girl paper fan against her hand.
"Face it Bill!" Yuri leered, "I don't know about the others here, but I am WAAAAAY too awesome to possibly lose to you again! So you'd better pray to whatever Egyptian Gods you believe in, Bill, because I've already had a taste of sweet vengeance when I foiled your plans just now, and I'm coming back for seconds!"
"Today…" Vampire Yuri growled, "…I embrace my inner darkness!" In an explosion of bats, Vampire Yuri rose off the ground in a column of darkness, as his eyes glowed with blood-red light and he began to transform. When he finished, he landed on the ground, reborn as a new creature, part human, part werewolf, part vampire, and all sexy! Selena nearly fainted while Yuri threatened to go berserk again.
"Let's go Venom!" Leo Dancer growled, leaping into Selena's Extra Deck.
"Right behind you!" Venom cheered, hopping into his own Extra Deck.
"Don't forget about me!" Bloom Prima called, fluttering into Yuzu's Extra Deck.
"Heh Heh!" Panther Dancer cackled, "Now we's bakin' cookies! Look out yall! Panther Dancer's bout' to blow this dance club!"
"Like… whatever." Cat Dancer grumbled. "Just so long as I get my phone back after this is over."
"Cmon Schuberta!" said Bloom Diva, "Let's provide some epic background music! DROP IT!"
Schuberta began laying down a sick beat before she and Bloom Diva joined Bloom Prima in Yuzu's Extra Deck.
"DUEL!" Bill Cipher, Yuri, Selena, Yuzu, and Vampire Yuri declared.
"The first and last move is mine!" Bill Cipher snarled, yanking out his opening hand.
"What… you're gonna lose that fast!?" Yuri snickered.
"Yeah!" Selena agreed, "I bet he won't even be able to hold his cards with those stupid 2D hands!"
"THANK YOU FOR VOLUNTEERING TO DIE FIRST… CRESCENT MOON!" Bill Cipher roared, eye focusing on Selena. The pupil of the demon's eye had changed to the shape of a crescent moon which shined an eerie beam of blue light on the Fusion Duelist.
"Don't let him get to you." Yuzu encouraged. "He can't beat us on his first turn."
"Well look at you Yuzu!" Bill Cipher sneered, "Always gotta be the smart one! Well why don't I show everyone how utterly STUPID you really are!" he yanked a card from his hand.
"I activate the magic card, WEIRDMAGEDDON!" Bill Cipher roared, "With this card, I get to tear apart the rules of Duel Monsters and utterly destroy one of my opponents right off the bat!"
"What!?" Selena screamed, unable to believe a card like that could exist.
"But!" Yuzu stammered.
"Are you kidding me!?" Yuri bellowed, "How are we supposed to beat that?"
"YOU DON'T!" Bill Cipher roared, before grinning maliciously. "I am an inter-dimensional demon of unfathomable power! Do you idiots honestly think you EVER stood a chance against me!? The only hard thing I have to do right now is pick who I'm gonna kill! So let's see…" he started blinking his eyes, flipping through an image of a pink lemon, purple cabbage, pair of bat wings, and a crescent moon. "EENIE!" his eye showed a pink lemon, "MEENIE!" his eye showed a purple cabbage, "MINEY!" his eye showed a pair of bat wings, "YYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU!" he zeroed in on Selena before firing a laser beam at her from the center of his crescent moon shaped pupil.
Selena stared at the blast, frozen with fear, life flashing before her eyes. There she was… being born in Academia, playing in Academia, going to school in Academia, learning to duel in Academia, eating lunch in Academia, learning to duel some more… in Academia.
"Wow…" Selena thought, "…my life has been REALLY boring."
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Selena suddenly heard Vampire Yuri roar in a deep, gravelly, and VERY sexy voice. Before she could react, the dark, mysterious, shirtless, and hunky version of Yuri had already leaped in front of the beam, taking all the damage in Selena's place.
"Vampire Yuri!" Selena cried, running over to his side as his smoking hot body slowly started to dissolve away into mental dust. "No! Don't go!" she wept, "I still haven't been bitten by you… in a romantic way!"
"It's okay my lady." Vampire Yuri replied, wiping tears from her eyes with his rapidly dissolving, though still extremely sexy hand. "No matter what happens, I will always be here in your heart… and possibly in a fanfiction one-shot if Donjusticia's PM server gets flooded with enough requests."
"What was that?" Selena asked.
"It's not important." Vampire Yuri groaned, slowly becoming transparent.
"No! Don't say that!" Selena begged, "You can't leave me! Not again! You're the most important person in my entire life!"
Vampire Yuri sighed. "Selena… we both know that I'm just a mental projection of the Vampire Yuri you knew."
"I know." Selena admitted, a tear rolling down her cheek.
"You'll get through this." Vampire Yuri reassured her. "And besides… you were… after all… only using me… to make Yuri… jealous." he blew away in puff of dust, his last words lingering in the air.
Selena looked shocked. Slowly, she turned her head to Yuri, only to find him curl his lips into a ridiculously massive smug grin.
"Don't… you… say… ANYTHING!" Selena snarled.
"Oh… I won't say anything…" Yuri snickered, "…out loud!" he added under his breath.
"ENOUGH GAMES!" Bill Cipher roared. "It's still my turn! And I've got even more nightmares for all of you!"
"Bring it on!" Yuri taunted. "I'm ready for anything your about to throw at us!"
"ANYTHING!?" Bill Cipher taunted, laughing like a maniac. "Well then… how about I show everyone your WORST nightmare!?"
Yuri's face went deathly pale. "No!" he moaned. "Please! Not that one!"
"I DO!" Bill Cipher roared. "I activate the magic card, RECURRING NIGHTMARE! NOW YOUR WORST FEAR BECOMES REALITY AND LEADS TO YOUR ULTIMATE DEFEAT!"
"No!" Yuri shrieked, "No! No! Noooooooooooooooooooo!"
"I SPECIAL SUMMON, SADISTICALLY SAVAGE HUNGER AND STARVATION VENOM EVIL FUSION DRAGON OF ULTIMATE EVIL… THAT IS TOTALLY EVIL!"
Starvation Venom exploded onto the duel field in a raging inferno of boiling hot magma, laughing demonically as it gazed down at its insignificant prey.
"Oh… few…" Yuri sighed, looking extremely relived. "I thought you were gonna summon something even worse!"
"What could possibly be worse than that thing!?" Selena exclaimed, gawking at Yuri like he had gone completely crazy.
Yuri suddenly looked very nervous. "Uhm… you know what… nevermind… it's not like…"
"And since it was a two-part dream, I summon dream Selena." Bill Cipher muttered, snapping his fingers and causing the bikini clad Selena from Yuri's dream to appear next to him.
"Hey babe, is it just me or did things get REALLY hot in here?" Dream Selena asked Yuri, leaning on his shoulder while batting her eyelashes at him.
Selena looked like she was ready to kill something.
Yuri sweat bullets as he quivered under Selena's gaze and tried to shove dream Selena away, "Now Selena…" he whimpered, "I-I know what this looks like…"
"Oh so that's what you like!" Selena snapped, looking completely disgusted.
"Oh come on!" Yuri protested, "You know I hate you!"
"Oh so now you hate me!" Selena snarled, "Everything except my swimsuit body apparently!"
"Oh would you look at that!" Yuri replied, looking down at his Duel Disk, "I just got a call from the professor! I'd better just leave this duel right now!"
Bill Cipher cackled like a maniac. "That can be arranged! One of dream Selena's devious abilities is to summon you dork's Fusion Monsters from the Extra Deck!"
Yuzu, Selena, and Yuri's Fusion Monsters all appeared to the field… except Chimerafflesia who was still dealing with some emotional issues.
"Of course… I don't need to repeat to you idiots what Starvation Venom's abilities are! Let it rip boy!"
Starvation Venom obliged by opening his eight demonic mouths and sucking the essence of the other monsters into himself, raising his ATK to incalculable levels while absorbing the abilities of Yuzu, Selena, and Yuri's monsters.
"Another great quirk about Dream Selena is the fact that she has the ability to attack even on the first turn!" Bill Cipher smirked. "And now that Starvation Venom's absorbed that little ability…"
Yuri turned to Dream Selena, looking absolutely disgusted. "You know… I'd say you betrayed me… but I never liked you in the first place!"
"What can I say…" Dream Selena teased, "…I'm just a femme fatale."
"Starvation Venom dragon attack!" Bill Cipher roared, as Starvation Venom reared up and prepared to finish all of Bill Cipher's opponents off once and for all.
"Okay… SERIOUSLY!" Yuri snarled, "Why does every single villain use some awesome dark copy of my own ace monster!?"
"I don't know…" Starve Venom mused, "It's almost like the writer's foreshadowing something."
"What writer?" Yuri asked, looking extremely confused.
Venom shrugged his shoulders. "I don't have a single clue to be perfectly honest." He admitted before Starvation Venom fired a blast of demonically hot magma at everyone from all eight of his evil mouths.
"We're doomed!" Yuri squealed, "It's no use! I'm just too good at dreaming! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"
"No we're not!" Venom roared, charging straight towards the inferno.
"Venom!" Leo Dancer called, reaching out her paws as if to pull him away from the blast.
Starve Venom just kept charging towards the flames. Flicking his wrist through the air, he suddenly conjured an action card out of thin air and threw it Yuri, who caught it with a stunned expression on his face.
"Activate it!" Starve Venom commanded as the flames approached.
"Uhm… Action magic… great escape?" Said Yuri with a very confused expression on his face. The instant he played the Action Card, Starvation Venom's flames disappeared, leaving a very stunned Bill Cipher to gawk at the trio of duelists and their monsters.
"The heck was that?" Yuri gawked, trying to process what just happened.
"This is imagination!" Starve Venom explained, "We can do anything! Even if it's totally non-canon! Watch!" he declared, generating another random Action Card, "I activate the Action Card, Something Totally Unexpected and Non-Canon!"
"Did somebody say… cannon?" A big brotherly voice called from up above. From the sky, in a pillar of angelic light, Shun suddenly descended to the duel field, riding on top of Raidraptor Satellite Cannon Falcon.
"Well… not that kind of cannon," Venom shrugged, "but oh well. Nice to see you, Shun!" he waved.
Yuri lost his mind. "What the!? How?" he stammered, "Wait… are you the original Shun or that stupid alternate multiverse version of him?"
"There's only one version of Shun," Shun epically proclaimed, pointing his finger at Bill Cipher, "And now, using the unparalleled might of my character's awesomeness, I smite thee Bill Cipher with all my overprotective brother fury! Back away from both my Ruri's!
"We're not Ruri!" Selena and Yuzu objected indignantly.
Starvation Venom snarled at Shun and Raidraptor Satellite Cannon Falcon before unleashing another fiery inferno of magma. Satellite Cannon Falcon responded by firing a massive beam of pure overprotective brotherly love right back at the demonic dragon, putting the two epic monsters, oddly enough, at a standstill.
"I can hold him off!" Shun gasped, struggling against Starvation Venom's overwhelming evil might, "But only for a little while!"
"Everybody!" Venom roared, "Use your imagination! Believe in yourself! You can create literally ANY plot device card in here!"
"What!?" Bill Cipher stammered, "NO YOU CAN'T! WHO TOLD YOU THAT!?"
"My best buddy in the entire multiverse!" Starve Venom roared. "YURI!"
"What!?" said Yuri, looking even more confused, "When did I… wait! Oh no! No you didn't!" His eyes started flickering with pruple light again.
Meanwhile, Yuzu and Selena rushed forward and created their own action cards.
"Action Magic!" Yuzu roared, "Real Divas Don't Do Pixie Dust! Now my Bloom Prima sobers up and becomes ten-thousand times more powerful!"
"Huh…" A dazed Bloom Prima asked before she got hit by the effects of the action card. "In a flash of Angelic light, Bloom Prima's twin flowers evolved into twin bouquets of even bigger flowers with Boom-Box speaker centers that blared out an intense background beat. Her eyes stopped looking so unfocused and instead looked ready to throw down any opponent in an epic rap battle.
"Awww yeah!" Bloom Prima boomed. "Now this what I'm talkin' about! Let's see how good you are at spittin' rhymes Starvation V!" she blasted a massive wave of deep sound waves at Starvation Venom who continued to push back against both Bloom Prima and Satellite Cannon Falcon.
"I activate the magic card, Dream Boy!" Selena roared, "Now I summon the man of my dreams to come fight by my side! Come back to me! Vampire Yuri!"
The instant Selena activated her Action Card, Yuri suddenly briefly disappeared before reappearing in front of Selena instead of Vampire Yuri. Yuri glared at her with a look of extreme indignation.
"Wha-but…" Selena stammered, "…but it was supposed to summon my dream guy!"
"Well guess what!?" Yuri snarled, "It looks like stinkin' Vampire Yuri isn't your dream guy after all. So boo, freakin, hoo!"
"Whatever!" Selena growled, "I guess that just means you have to fight for me. Now go out there and stand in front of Starvation Venom's flames!" she ordered, shoving Yuri towards the battle.
"What!?" Yuri gasped, staring up at the utterly colossal demon dragon who was quickly pressing down both Bloom Prima and Satellite Cannon Falcon with his attack. "How am I supposed to beat that thing!?"
"Oh I'm sure you'll figure something out!" Selena snarled, "Mr. Awesome!"
"I'll show you awesome!" Yuri snarled back, taking a step forward. He reached out his hand but then paused.
"Uhmm… Venom?" he asked, "What uhm… what exactly am I supposed to create?"
Venom looked like he was ready to burst at the seams with joy.
"OO-OO-OO! I KNOW! I KNOW!" Starve Venom roared, hopping up and down with excitement.
"Okay…" Yuri growled, "…then tell me what it is!"
"You should make Love Fusion!" Venom cheered. "With me and Leo Dancer already on the field, you could fuse us into something even more powerful to vanquish this evil dragon, while simultaneously symbolically expressing your love to Selena by using your ace monster and her own at the same time!"
Yuri looked like he was ready to vomit.
"Woah, woah, woah!" Leo Dancer protested, "I don't think… I don't think we should exactly use Love Fusion, Venom."
"Oh… sorry," Starve Venom apologized, "I forgot you still don't like me… I guess I got a little excited there."
"I-I wouldn't say I don't like you…" Leo Dancer stuttered, turning beet red, "It's just that uhm… well… let's take this slow… uhm… how about we…" she created a card out of thin air and threw it at Yuri, "…why don't we start with… Platonic Friend Fusion?"
"Works for me." Venom shrugged, walking over to give Leo Dancer a great big hug.
"Am I seriously doing this?" Yuri groaned, examining the card Leo Dancer gave him.
"Just fuse them." Selena sighed, "I'm done with being in your brain."
"Fine!" Yuri snarled. "I activate, Platonic Friend Fusion to fuse my ace monster and Selena's even stupider ace monster into…"
"WAIT!" Leo Dancer yowled, suddenly sounding very anxious.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?" Yuri roared.
"I don't want to be alone with Venom when we aren't even dating!" Leo Dancer wailed. Panther Dancer will have my head!"
"Oooh you best be believin' it gurl!" Panther Dancer hissed.
"So what am I supposed to do!?" Yuri snapped.
"Hey BP!" Leo Dancer called, "You wanna be the third wheel?"
"Ya' know it gurl!" Bloom Prima cheered, rushing over to her bestie, leaving Shun and Satellite Cannon Falcon alone to deal with Starvation Venom's attack.
"Oh sure!" Shun growled, "Leave the side character to do all the heavy lifting! I see how it is! Well take your time! I mean… it's not like I just got crippled after that stinkin' Ancient Gear Chaos Giant attacked me!"
"Okay!" Yuri roared, "Is everyone ready, THIS TIME!?"
"Yes!" Venom, Leo Dancer, and Bloom Prima nodded.
"No more distractions?" Yuri asked, just to make sure.
"DO IT!" Yuzu cried, "Shay can't take much more!"
"It's Shun!" Shun, (not Shay,) protested.
"FINE!" Yuri bellowed, slapping the card against his Duel Disk before beginning an extremely ridiculous fusion chant as Starve Venom, Leo Dancer, and Bloom Prima ascended into the heart-shaped, (but not because it was supposed to be romantic or anything,) fusion portal.
"The worst Ace Monster in the entire multiverse, stupid cat girl who wants, for some reason, would like to fuse with my ace monster, okay, but not because she'd LIKE to fuse with him, fairy junkie who will probably get locked up for life one of these days, blend your completely non-romantic love together into a new relationship… that is strictly professional, and smite yon adversary with thine undying love! Platonic love. Love like brothers and sisters have. Because it's not like… OH WHATEVER!" Yuri roared, "YUUGO FREAKIN SHOKAN! GET YOUR NON-ROMANTIC FUSED TOGETHER BUTTS OUT HERE RIGHT NOW! LEVEL TEN, BUT WE MIGHT MOVE ON TO LEVEL TWELVE IF WE GET SERIOUS! BLOOMING MOON-LIT VENOMOUS TRIO KITTY FAIRY DRAGON…thingy!"
Neighing like a horse, Starve Venom galloped onto the dueling field, carrying Leo Dancer and Bloom Prima on his back. Unsheathing her sword while Bloom Prima opened her flowers, Leo Dancer ordered Venom to charge at the demonic dragon. As they approached the wicked dragon, the power of their (strictly platonic) love, caused them to be completely unharmed by the villainous flames.
"FOR FRIENDSHIP!" Venom bellowed, blasting his own flame of pure friendship energy at Starvation Venom.
"FOR HANGING OUT IN A CASUAL WAY!" Leo Dancer agreed, throwing her sword into Starvation Venom's demonic chest.
"FOR GETTING IN THE WAY OF ACTUAL ROMANCE OCCURING!" Bloom Prima sang, blasting cracks into the evil dragon's scales with her obnoxiously loud music.
In a roar of agony, Starvation Venom exploded into a raging inferno of flames, before his evil husk fell straight on top of Bill Cipher.
"NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Bill Cipher screamed, as the force of the explosion opened up a tear in Yuri's mental-scape which started sucking him out of the fusion counterpart's head.
"Nooooo! Bill Cipher roared one last time before babbling, "SLALH GXVW! Kcab srettel eerht, tnih, s'moneV evratS rebmemer tsuJ. Eciohc ruouy fo gnos a fo ydorap a gnis eciohc ruoy fo retcarahc V crA hO-iG-uY yna evah ll'I, edoc terces eht em MP uoy fI. Sdrow tsal s'lliB ni neddih egassem terces a s'erehT! VEEENOOOOOOMMM!" he managed to gasp out before getting completely sucked out of Yuri's mind.
"You did it!" Selena cheered, hugging Yuri despite her previous anger.
"Wow Venom." Leo Dancer blushed. "You really can be a brave warrior when you want to be."
"I'm only brave when you're fused to me." Venom purred as they both leaned into each other, puckering their lips.
"Hey! Which of these covers would you think would work best for my new album?" Bloom Prima asked, jumping between them.
"Prima!" Venom whined.
"THIRD WHEEL BABY!" Bloom Prima cheered, playing some obnoxious rap music from her flowers.
Suddenly, Yuri's mental-scape started becoming white.
"You must be waking up!" Yuzu shouted. "Looking a little worried."
"Well… what are we supposed to do about it?" Yuri shouted back, as Selena suddenly pulled away from her own hug.
"I… don't know." Yuzu admitted.
All three of them started to scream as a massive white fog suddenly enveloped them.
And then they woke up.
Yuri, Selena, and Yuzu all rubbed their heads as they groggily got up from the table, surrounded by a horde of inquisitive looking incubators, some of whom were taking notes on a notepad.
"Woah…" Yuri groaned. "Did that really just happen?"
"I feel like I've been hit by another dose of nerve gas." Selena mumbled.
"Uhm… guys?" Yuzu asked, "Why are the gems on my bracelet getting darker?" she suddenly gasped out in agony as the gems on her bracelet grew even darker.
"Excellent!" Kyuubey cheered, sounding excited. "Once her soul gem becomes corrupted and Hiragi Yuzu transforms into a witch, we'll have a surplus of raw human emotional energy to counteract entropy!"
"What?" Yuzu groaned in agony as she felt the overwhelming urge to become a poorly animated stop-motion paper-fan puppet.
"What's going on here!?" Selena snarled, staring down at the dozens of Cat/Bunny hybrid aliens.
"Hey uh… guys?" Yuri inquired, "You sure you aren't willing to create some magical boys for a few free wishes?"
"Yuri!" Selena snapped.
"Sorry." Yuri apologized. "I had to at least try."
"Yuzu's merely reaching the end of her life cycle as a magical girl." Kyuubey explained nonchalantly. "Soon her cuteness will evaporate away to be replaced by a creature composed entirely of despair and nightmare fuel.
"OH NO YOU DON'T!" A godly feminine voice roared from the other end of the café.
Kyuubey spun around just in time to see one of his least favorite people in the entire multiverse. As his soulless red eyes bugged out of his head, God Madoka advanced on the incubators, who began fleeing from her omnipotent rage.
"Oh no!" Madoka roared, advancing on Kyuubey. "No way! Nah uh! I did NOT give up my humanity and become an omnipotent god just so you could waltz right into another alternate multiverse and create new witches!
"Oh come on now, Madoka!" Kyuubey whined, "It's not like you told me I couldn't do it anymore! How else are we supposed to reverse the laws of thermodynamics!"
"GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I MAKE YOU!" Madoka roared.
"Yes ma'am, or God, rather." Kyuubey squeaked before prancing away and vanishing into thin air.
"You okay?" Madoka asked Yuzu, as she purified her Soul Gem.
"Yeah… I guess." Yuzu replied, looking back at the girl who was wearing a similar pink dress, had similar pink hair, and similar accessories tying her hair back. "Are you… are you my…"
"…counterpart?" Madoka finished. "Nah, I think the fact that we look so similar is just a…"
"Coincidence." Yuzu agreed, "Which doesn't mean that this is still any less…"
"Awkward for us." Madoka replied. "Oh… sorry I keep finishing your…"
"Sentences?" Yuzu asked, "Oh… don't worry. I don't really mind. I mean, I mean… I've already had a pretty crazy day…"
"Why shouldn't it get any crazier?" said Madoka, finishing another one of Yuzu's sentences before making a few final touches on Yuzu's bracelet.
"Okay…" Madoka sighed, wiping some sweat from her godly brow. "I think I fixed it now. I was able to put your soul back into your body and make it like this never happened."
"Aww…" Yuzu moaned, "…does this mean I'm not a magical girl anymore?"
"Believe me…" Madoka mourned, "…you do NOT want to be a magical girl. It gets pretty messed up. Take what happened to my friend, Homura, for example…"
"MADOKA!?" A shrill demonic voice roared.
"Speak of the devil." Madoka mumbled as demon Homura burst through the doors of the café and started grabbing at an annoyed looking Madoka.
"MADOKA-CHAN!" Demon Homura wailed, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!? AND WHY ARE YOU MAKING CONTACT WITH ANOTHER GIRL!? I'VE BEEN WITHOUT YOU FOR EXACTLY ONE WHOLE MINUTE AND SIXTEEN WHOLE SECONDS! YOU KNOW I CAN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF IF I'M NOT WITH YOU!
"Oh boy…" Madoka groaned, rolling her eyes.
"I spent the entirety of the anime series reversing time again and again just so I can save your life!" Demon Homura whined, "And then… in the third movie… instead of going with a happy ending and allowing myself to get reunited with you in heaven when I died, I did the only sensible thing that could be done and became a maniacal demon, just so I could have you all to myself! And you think you can just… and you think you can just take that away from me!?"
"Oh I am so dealing with you once the fourth movie comes out." Madoka groaned as Demon Homura grew increasingly clingy. "Okay… okay, Homura." Madoka reassured her delusional demon friend, "Well go home together, let me just send Yuzu back to You Show Duel School. That sound fine with you, Yuzu?"
"Yeah…" Yuzu agreed. "I think I'm ready to just lie down and take a nap."
"Sounds good." Madoka sighed. With a wave of her hand, she sent Yuzu back to the Fusion Dimension and herself and Homura back to their own multiverse, resolving the plot in one fell swoop and returning everything back to… normal?
Yuri and Selena stared at each other, trying to process what just happened.
"Uhm… well…" Yuri began, breaking the silence, "I guess… it's nice to be back in my body again… and uhm… well…"
"It was kind of fun going on that adventure with you." Selena hesitantly agreed.
"Yeah…" Yuri stuttered, "…I… I kind of enjoyed myself. So uh… I guess… friends?" he offered her his hand.
"Sure." Selena shrugged, shaking Yuri's hand, "I'm sure we can be…"
CLICK CLICK!
Selena looked down to see that Yuri had swiftly cuffed both her hands together and thrown away the key.
"Did you… just!?" Selena snarled.
"Still best friends?" Yuri smirked.
"You know what!?" Selena sneered, "We ARE best friends! Why don't I give you a great… big… HUG!" she lunged at Yuri, and wrapped her arms around his neck, strangling him with her handcuffs.
"AND THIS IS WHY YOU ALWAYS CUFF SOMEONE'S HANDS BEHIND THEIR BACK!" Selena roared, while Yuri struggled against her assault.
Just then, Barrett walked through the doors of the café, wearing a Hawaiian shirt and party hat on his head.
"Oh there you are!" he smiled, shaking Yuri's hand as Yuri gasped for breath. "Good job keeping her in her handcuffs, Yuri. I'm glad I could count on you!"
"Don't mention it!" Yuri gasped, struggling to keep breathing.
"And you even wrapped Selena-Sama around yourself so she couldn't get away." Barrett complimented, looking impressed. "I must say… while I was coming home, I fully expected to come back and see you two engaged in all kinds of shenanigans, but it looks like you were really responsible!"
"Can't… breathe!" Yuri choked.
"Don't worry Yuri." Barrett chuckled, "I'll take care of Selena-Sama from here." He gently lifted her off of Yuri's neck and set her down on the ground where she pouted like a three-year-old.
"Now let's see…" he muttered, "…where did I put those tickets to the Fusion Dimension.
Yuri and Selena sat in silence while Barrett searched through his bags. Folding their arms across their chests, they sat with their backs to each other while an awkward silence prevailed. Yuri looked back at Selena, and then quickly withdrew when he saw Selena steal a glance back at him. They kept the game up for a few minutes before Selena finally sighed and decided to break the silence.
"Okay… we date one more time and never speak with each other again!" Selena snarled.
"Three dates and then send each other an awkward text message." Yuri haggled.
"Deal!" Selena agreed.
"I hate you!" Yuri barked.
"I hate you more!" Selena hissed.
While they were talking, Starve Venom and Leo Dancer had their own conversation.
"But what is it you really want?" Starve Venom asked Leo Dancer, remembering her question from before.
Leo Dancer tossed her mane back shrugged. "All right… I'll tell you what it is you big dummy." She leaned in and whispered into Starve Venom's ear.
"Oooh!" Venom exclaimed, mouths drooling extra vigorously, "Well then… I'll see what I can do!"
"See you Venom." Leo Dancer purred, as Barrett collected Selena and left for the bus station.
Yuri and Starve Venom watched as Selena and Leo Dancer whipped by the Café, zooming away on a bus headed towards the Fusion Dimension.
"Huh…" Venom sighed, "…love and friendship sure are funny things. Aren't they?"
"Yeah…" Yuri agreed, getting up from the ground. "Whelp… now that everything's back to normal, I guess I'll just board the bus with Barrett and head on down to the…" he suddenly stopped in his tracks when he realized that he had quite idiotically sat on the ground and watched his one ticket out of the Dimensional Vortex fly away.
"BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yuri roared, entering Berserk/Bananas mode once more.
...
Kyuubey hurried down the dark hallway, stopping every once in a while to make sure he hadn't been followed. Coming to a large black metal door, he paused to groom his white and red fur with his pink tongue while he waited.
"Well… Kyuubey." A deep, charismatic voice called, "Did you manage to complete your assignment?"
Kyuubey whipped his head around to see Emperor Yusho staring down at him, Robotic red eye glowing menacingly.
"Madoka intervened before I could manage to turn Yuzu into a witch." Kyuubey reported. "We'll have to find another way to access Yuya's inner darkness."
"It is of no concern." Emperor Yusho sighed, mechanical parts whirring as he paced the along the floor. "There are plenty of ways to rile up the emotions of my alternate son." He paused, "And what about our good friend Yuri? I take it you managed to learn more about his Inner Darkness than our associate Bill Cipher?"
Kyuubey nodded, "I kept out of sight most of the time, but I managed to learn about what seems to rile Yuri up the quickest. It seems that the boy's true evil nature can be unlocked by appealing to his insecurities. Especially his insecurities about finding a girlfriend."
"Good." Yusho nodded. "I should be able to use that to my advantage." He smiled at Kyuubey before continuing. "And what about Starve Venom Fusion Dragon?"
Kyuubey hung his head in embarrassment. "Bill Cipher and I tried everything in our power to upset him. But his will's just too strong. It's like he's immune to the negative feelings of his inner darkness."
Yusho sighed. "I suppose it was to be expected. He did, after all, lock me away in this wretched fanfiction dimension." He slammed his robotic hand against a pillar, leaving a large crater in the side.
Kyuubey winced at Yusho's sudden outburst.
"You may leave now Kyuubey." Emperor Yusho commanded, plastering a friendly smile on his face. "You have done well, and the incubator race will be richly rewarded for their services."
Kyuubey nodded his head, glad to leave the presence of the evil emperor. Scampering down a cooridor, he leaped into the air before vanishing away.
Yusho waited until Kyuubey was completely out of sight before opening the gigantic metal doors and entering a dimly lit hallway with a massive demonic throne at the end. Stomping towards the throne on his robotic legs, he stopped and bowed when he reached the steps leading up to the chair.
"Our minions have completed their mission." Emperor Yusho reported. "Bill Cipher failed to provide us with detailed information on the nature of Yuri's inner darkness, but the incubator race has provided us with manifold notes of Yuri's actions in the field while entering his so called…" he looked through some notes he had been given, "Going Completely Bananas Mode." He smirked at the records. "I think I like berserk mode better."
"Excellent work." A coy female voice called from behind a set of dark curtains. Slowly, the figure sitting behind the curtains rose from her throne and began advancing towards Emperor Yusho. "Our army of villains continues to grow. The fourth wall continues to collapse. Soon, we shall have complete control over Yuya, Yuri, Yugo, and Yuto's berserk modes. Then, we shall be able to break free to conquer whomever we wish, and I shall rule existence as Empress… Yoko… Sakaki!"
An alternate version of Yuya's mom stepped into the light, clad in a demonic black biker outfit and cape. Raising her hands above her head, she laughed with egomaniacal glee as the rest of the hallway was illuminated, revealing a legion of villains from numberless genres and series. Throwing back his own head, Yusho Sakaki joined his laughter with, Dr. Hannibal Lector, Norman Bates, the Reapers, Darth Vader, Gilgamesh from "Fate Stay Night," Gilgamesh from just the plain old "Epic of Gilgamesh," the Wicked Witch of the West, the Evil Queen from "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs," Flowey from "Undertale," Ursula, the Gravemind, the Titans, Sephiroth, Gozer, KHAN!, and millions of others as they conspired to destroy the multiverse as we know it!
AND NOW! WE RETURN TO DONJUSTICIA'S EPIC DUEL AGAINST JACK ATLAS!
Jack Atlas: (Watches as his ace monster continues pummeling Donjusticia in the face before yawning.) I'm bored, this aint worth my time. (Zooms away on his D-wheeler, leaving Donjusticia on the ground with half his teeth missing.)
Donjusticia: (Staggers to his feet before throwing up his arms and grinning stupidly.) Yaaaay! Conflict… resolved! See? I told you I could… beat the King!"
UHM… YOU ACTUALLY DIDN'T TECHNICALLY BEAT THE KING. YOU JUST DIDN'T GET YOUR FACE COMPLETELY SMASHED IN WHILE YOUR READERS WERE GOING THROUGH THIS STUPID CHAPTER.
Donjusticia: (Shrugs) Well… I guess I can live with that. At least "Venom's Quest" will live on without being taken down by a lawsuit.
KEEP DREAMING.
Donjusticia: Well anyway folks! Thank you for reading and enjoying this LONG chapter of Venom's quest. I sure hope it was worth the wait. And guess what!? I've just had a great idea. So by now you guys probably know that I've been playing a little game while we wait for more Arc V episodes involving Venom to come out. I write down a couple random scenes without thinking about how they'd actually fit into any plot, and then I sit down and try to come up with a story that incorporates those scenes within it. I've been pretty much melting you guys's brains with the wacky stuff I've had to come up with. And on a side note, THANK YOU CREATOR GOD OF LIGHT HORAKHTY FOR MAKING THE WHOLE PIRATE SCENE MAKE AN OUNCE OF SENSE BY MAKING CAPTAIN SOLO AN ACTUAL THING!
Creator God of Light Horakhty: You're welcome Donjusticia. Anything to keep your fanfiction from becoming TOO crazy.
Donjusticia: So anyway… I was thinking… I've melted you guys' brains enough. SO now it's your turn! Till the end of July 30th at 12:00 PM, I will be accepting some of YOUR random scenes which you can submit to me through my private message server. Here's how it works: You create a scene of 200 words or less and submit it to me in order for a chance for your random scene to be featured in the next epic chapter of "Venom's Quest." Random scenes that have been selected for the chapter will be posted in a special short "Venom's Quest" chapter before I begin work on the actual chapter. When writing your random scene, please be sure not to create anything M-rated, that contains swear words, or is otherwise crude or vulgar. Also, please keep in mind that I will have to be able to read your work in order to work with it. Submissions littered with tons of spelling and/or grammar errors may not be accepted. Aside from all this… you can have your random scene be LITERALLY ANYTHING! You can have Yuri confess his feelings to Masumi, you could have Mettaton from "Undertale" challenge Jean-Michell Roger to a duel, you could have Danny Phantom make an appearance, heck, you could even write a scene that's COMPLETELY NORMAL! Go wild guys, and try to blow MY mind. I dare you! I double dare you! And now… to kick off the end of another wonderful chapter, please give it up for fellow masochist and number one hit pop-star in the Synchro Dimension… Sergey Volkov!
Sergey Volkov: (Comes to the center of the stage and picks up a microphone before singing a song that is totally not a parody of "Every Time We Touch," by Cascada.)
I still feel these thorns
As they dig into me
They punish me for my wrong deeds, wrong deeds…
Forgive this weird fetish
But hard as Yuzu try
I don't think she gonna survive!
Cause every time we duel, I get this feeling
When I ram her bike, I swear she can fly!
Everywhere Sergey go, the people know
That some poor fool's gonna die!
'Cause every time we look, I see you fear me
When I hit you back, your feet touch the sky
Can't you feel my heart beat fast? You're not gonna last!
I laugh so hard when you cry!
(instrumental recap of the previous verse)
My body's robotic, they programmed my brain
To revel in carnage and pain, and pain…
The good and the bad duels, I crush great and small!
And soon Sergey will crush them all!
'Cause every time I punch, I hear you screaming!
With my rocket boots, I swear I can fly!
Can't you feel my madness grow? I won't let you go!
I'm trapped inside my mind!
'Cause when I duel the king, I feel ecstatic!
Smashing up the course, my brain feels to high!
Seeing Jack respond so fast, I don't think I'll last!
There's beauty when I die!
Oh 'cause every time we duel, I get this feeling
When I ram your bike, I swear you can fly!
Everywhere Sergey go, the people know
That some poor fool's gonna die!
(Bows before leaving the stage in a wheelchair, robotic body missing from the legs down.)
Donjusticia: Thank you for reading everyone. I look forward to seeing your own wacky ideas. Until then, all you Melodious players out there, remember, real Divas don't do nectar. And all you Moon-Light/Lunalight players out there, take the time to talk to your monsters about catnip before someone else does. Stay awesome everybody and may God bless you!
