2 1/2 years later

Tetsuo was 6 and soon he would start at the academy. Last week he'd told the Konoha version of a guidance councillor that he was 'going to be the bestest ninja ever!' and been given a sad look, an apartment and a monthly stipend. Today he moved in. Now, he was doing something he had been looking forwards to for six years. He had ached from the hole in his life, chafed at the stifling rules. For six years his bedtime was proscribed, his mealtimes chosen for him and his freedom curtailed. It had rubbed him raw and he had spent every moment he could get away with out of the orphanage. Worse though, they had not allowed him to cook. For six years three months and fourteen days he had not touched an oven nor fondled a frying pan.

Currently he was cradling a small container of soy sauce to his cheek and chuckling. His funds were limited, but his cookery had never relied on having the finest cuts or the best ingredients. "Gordon Ramsay may say to cook good ingredients simply, but he's got money! Today, I cook crap ingredients complicatedly and cheat outrageously." he announced to his empty, small kitchen. He nodded, as if he had just imparted the ancient wisdom of a wise master. Then, with every sign of relish he turned to the bucket of fish heads sitting on his counter. "Today, roast salmon wings. Tomorrow, the world!" This was followed by a short bout of maniacal laughter before he got to work. He whistled as he sliced, carving off the area below the gills into thick curvy c-shapes of meat with a fin sticking out of each piece, then discarded the rest.

As he worked, he plotted. Naruto or Sasuke. Naruto or Sasuke... who do I want on my team? I'm definitely turning Hinata into the best kunoichi, the other options would send me insane and take too long to grow into their power, but who do I want for the third member? Do I excel as rookie of the year, or hide my strength as dead last? Child of prophecy, or Indra's evil pawn in the ancient mystical dick waving competition. If I pick Naruto I'll get the eternal loyalty of an eventual demigod. Sasuke, and I get surliness and an opportunity to make sure he has a 'accident' and ends up face down in a ditch somewhere. The corners of his mouth hardened briefly as he mixed honey, soy and finely chopped garlic. At least it would be quiet surliness though. Can't stand blabber. I could talk to them about training at least, that could hold my interest.

Training at anything less than my full potential will cause problems long term. If I ingrain habits to take a dive in taijutsu practice or target practice they could get me killed in the real world. Unacceptable. He began kneading the marinade into the fish and placing them on a baking tray. I could pretend to be brittle under pressure? Great most days but terrible on test day? Risky, but doable. 4/10 chance they see through me, they're ninja after all. Uhhhg, why can't I just have Shikamaru? Stupid traditional Ino-Shika-Cho combination.

He set the rice and asparagus to cook and thumped the tray of fish into the oven. Couldn't find any potatoes, Kami I hope they exist in this universe and they're just out of season. That would be terrible. Stroke of luck finding that asparagus. Abruptly he switched mental threads. It'll have to be Naruto. He has the Hokage's ear now, it'll keep me safe from Root. My improved countermeasures still aren't good enough. If shadow clones work anything like they should I'll abuse his massive chakra to safety, victory and beyond. Or any other type of clones. Pop a charging earth clone and you still get hit by of a wall of sticky brown stuff. Keep him safe, make him strong, retire from active service and let him deal with all this prophecy bull.

Definitely want to go the full 6 years. No skipping ahead years. The stronger I can get before doing missions the better my chances of surv-

"Dyyynnamic Eentryyyyy!" Where before there had been an empty living room, now there was Gai skidding to a halt. He had a way of crowding out all other considerations. "I came to help you move in my Most Youthful Companion! Now though, I see that you have already finished! I shall do Five Hundred one legged squats for being too late to help!" He shouted with his trademark grin.

Tetsuo was briefly and intensely thankful that his bedroom had a lock on the door and a window that didn't open. Waking up to that in the morning would be too much to bear. He was used to Gai's eccentricities by now though so he simply replied "You do that. Gai, you're just in time for dinner, I made too much." in a neutral tone, before plating up the fruits of his labours.

"My Youthful Kouhai, have you been talking to Kakashi to pick up this Hip and Cool attitude?" He looked briefly inconsolable and was outlined in a blue spotlight. Then he noticed what his nose had been insistently telling him this whole time and his gaze homed in on the streaming piles of food. "Nevertheless, I accept your generous offer of Sustenance!"

Taking their places at the table Tetsuo took his first bite and let the soft, rich, smoky, fatty flavour of the fish become his entire world. The salmon collar is richer than the normal cuts, releasing pearls of healthy fats that gently baste the meat from within as it cooks, while the marinade penetrates deeply and infuses each tender layer while the lime is there to cut through any greasiness. All counterpointed by the firm buttery asparagus and fluffy white rice. Truly, there was nothing better. Some time later he came back to awareness in front of an empty plate littered with discarded fins and let out a happy sound.

"I did not know you had the time to learn such a skill my Kouhai," observed Gai, groaning slightly as he shifted. "But now that I know I shall recommend you do it often! Such abundant proteins and fats are ideal for firing the growth of a Strong and Youthful Body!"

"Speaking of personal growth Gai-senpai, could you show me the Shunshin sometime? I want to be able to move like Shusui of the Body Flicker and the best way to do that is to learn it really really young so it can become like a reflex! If I could get it seal-less it'd be so cool." Here his orange eyes turned predatory. "I'll even bring along food so we can spend more time training before I have to go to the academy!" He knew it was a bit low to manipulate Gai like this, but he didn't care. For ninja skills he would do so much worse than a bit of buttering up and some bribery. That, and now that he had the means there were years of neglecting his cooking skills that he needed to make up for. On the upside he was sure that now he could engrave the exact recipe and resultant flavour into his chakra brain, allowing for some pretty significant fine tuning. In a previous life he had worked out to the second how long to boil an egg in a particular pan at a particular heat for the perfect boiled egg.

"Well it is a common technique if not a basic one, I see no reason why not. Though you may have to learn another technique first" mused Gai. "Are you sure you have the chakra control?"

"I've got the leaf sticking and the tree walking exercise down, and I'm working on water walking," Tetsuo related eagerly, "will that do?"

"It should be enough to start learning, though mastery may take a while." Here Gai perked up at the thought of Hard Work. "Yes! My Most Youthful Kouhai we must put in the effort to ensure you are the very best you can be!" finished Gai with his trademark pose. Tetsuo swore he could hear the washing of the ocean in the distance. Definitely a genjutsu based ability, is the thumbs up like a handseal? Possible offensive applications? Needs more research.

ooo

A/N Funny story, at this point the first time round it was not Gai. It was actually a Root operate who kidnapped our protagonist leading to the downfall of Root. It was contrived as hell and made Danzo insufficiently competent, so we get this instead.