Chapter 7: A Whole Lot More Than Nothing

Warnings: Language, arguments, and fluffy-ish scenes!

-DM-

He stared at the brunette in front of him as if she had two heads. Hermione was laying there on the couch laughing at something that must have been quite hilarious to her. He shook his head. His body was so tired and his mind was shattered from the last two days. He'd spent all day running around doing Head duties and meals and classes and gathering her school work. He was exhausted and here she was happy as a cricket and laughing hysterically. Had someone slipped her too many pepper up potions or something?

"What is so bloody hilarious?" She seemed to be able to rein in her mirth fractionally, taking in a breath and breathing it out slowly. Well at least she'd stopped her ridiculous laughing.

"You just reminded me of someone." How could he have reminded her of someone? All he was doing was emptying out his pack. He wasn't even muttering to himself as he was prone to do after a long day of classes on very little sleep.

"Who?" He was intrigued but when she began laughing again to the point his own sides ached from watching her, he began to worry about her sanity. She had to have lost her mind at some point. Maybe she'd been dead longer than he thought? He'd have to talk to Madam Pomfrey and make sure she really was better. She kept laughing however, and he couldn't understand why. What was so bloody hilarious?

"Fuck, Granger, have you gone completely daft?" He shook his head in irritancy and just watched her laugh while tears ran down her face. At least they were happy tears this time. These didn't make him as nervous and uncomfortable. Well maybe slightly uncomfortable but not for the same reasons at least. Her breathing began to right itself and he noticed she was gripping her sides. She probably had a stitch the size of the castle by now.

"I'm sorry…just…give me…a minute to…catch…my breath," she panted out between large intakes of air as she tried to bring her hilarity to a minimum.

"Please do before you pass out," he ground out. He kept a watchful eye on her, as if she may break out into another round of ridiculous giggles again. She seemed to be able to pull herself together rather quickly once whatever she had been comparing him to had eased off her mind.

"Sorry. Ahem. These are the notes from class then? Thank you." She'd at least tried to sound professional, which he was grateful for. She was one extreme or the other lately. He didn't know how to deal with either one, though if he had to pick he would pick the hysterical laughter over the hysterical sobbing.

"Yes, you're welcome. Luckily it was just a review day today in most classes. Mid-terms coming up so most teachers are trying to pretend to teach while not wanting to add more to their tests. Good day to miss really." He'd had a long day of repeat lessons. He hated mid-terms more than finals. They were a pointless way for the teachers to not have to teach them anything but still give out a mountain of homework. They seemed to last forever too because there was no light at the end of the tunnel, it was only a halfway point so there was no break after the long week of preparing for the exams and then the long week of the exams themselves. He was tired just thinking about them.

"Good, good. I trust no one gave you any trouble then?" She seemed to have specific people she was referring to but he let it slide. He didn't want to go there today.

"Few odd looks from your teachers but otherwise no. Weasel and Potter seemed agitated but nothing too strenuous for them," he said with a half smirk on his lips. Weaslebee and Potty hadn't been too obnoxious that day, which was surprising. They'd been distracted and on edge but nothing too out of the ordinary. Their little minds hadn't strained too much he didn't think.

"Be nice," was all she said in reply. They fell into a mostly comfortable silence which that alone was odd for them. Now was the perfect time to talk to her, even though the silent truce that had been forged between them would suffer greatly, it needed to be done, and done now. They wouldn't be interrupted right now and he wanted…no needed some answers. What little time he'd had today to think to himself had been surrounded by thoughts of her. Of all the why's and what really happened's and who's and even more why's? He needed the answers that his mind was so desperately searching for.

"I found the letter you wrote to me…" Well that was the direct way to bring it up. The words had just popped out of his mouth without regards to how she might take them. He wanted to pull them back and swallow them down when he saw her face fall. The laughter that had danced in her rich brown eyes drained away and was replaced with a deep rooted hollow sadness. He was a prat for bringing it up but hell, he needed answers. He couldn't help her if he didn't know what really happened, either time.

"Oh…well…" she stammered and started chewing on her bottom lip. What was he expecting her to say to that in all reality? He hadn't really asked a direct question he'd just stated a fact. You need to be more helpful, his subconscious scolded. This would be hard for her as it was so he should just ask the questions he needed answers to and leave it, and her, be.

"What happened?" Oh brilliant, could you be any more vague? "I mean, what happened the other night, out in the greenhouse?" He was trying to be more specific but fuck this was hard. He didn't talk to people normally, and they didn't talk to him for that matter. The only person he ever revealed himself to was Blaise and he knew Draco better than Draco did at times so he didn't have to really voice his problems they were just automatically known and understood. It was a blessing really.

"I don't really want to talk about it," she said with a small voice. He looked at her from his place in the room. He wasn't sitting; he was standing in the middle of the room almost looming over her. That's helpful. He moved his pack down onto the floor next to the chair and sat himself down gently.

"You need to talk about it and I need to know what happened to you," he said plainly. She wasn't going to back out of this, not this time.

"No, I don't and it's none of your business. I'd rather just forget about the last two days of my life and move on without people butting into my personal life." She curled herself into the blanket more as if hiding under it would make him back off. Not going to happen.

"What. Happened. Granger." Anger started to creep its way into his voice. He didn't want to argue about this. He didn't want her to be angry when talking about what had happened. He didn't want her to break down crying again, but it seemed that was the only way she was going to give up information. An overwhelming urge to just run away struck him but he pushed it down. It was the coward inside him that tried to avoid any and all confrontations which he had no control over. But he needed this information and she needed to talk so that was what was going to happen, come hell or high water.

"Nothing, Malfoy. Just drop it." She ground out his name just as he'd ground out hers. Fuck if she wasn't going to make this easy for either of them. He swallowed down the angry lump in his throat as her words sunk in. Nothing? Nothing? Like bloody hell nothing had happened. He wanted to shake her until the truth fell from her lips. He wanted to shake her until her teeth rattled she realized what an idiot she was being. She wasn't going to play the denial game with him. He didn't have the patience for that shit. He was tired and he wanted to get a good night's sleep and he wouldn't get even the smallest amount of sleep if he was worried about the unknowns that were surrounding her.

Something inside him snapped. How dare she slough everything off as if it hadn't changed anything? It had changed everything for him. He didn't want to admit it but he had started feeling a change in himself. All the protective feelings he'd had and her beauty that had been such a surprise to him not even a day before. He was starting to feel like he had a purpose, taking care of her, being there for her. After everything with his father, everything that had been stripped from him, he now felt like he had a reason for being who he was and doing the things he did. That wasn't nothing. Not to him and he was beyond angry that she'd think it was.

How dare she call what he'd stumbled upon out in the hothouse and in the bathroom nothing. He knew she probably just wanted to drop the subject but she'd chosen a poor choice in words because all he wanted to do now was drill into her until she broke and told him everything. He wanted her to tell him about the nothing that she was claiming it to be. Because…well because to him it had become nearly his everything in the last two days.

"Nothing? NOTHING! Bloody fuck, Granger. Nothing did not just bloody fucking happened to you!" He was losing his cool quickly but try as he might to rein himself in but his emotions became a runaway train and he was powerless to stop it. Images began to flash in his mind of her bleeding and covered in blood, her clothes filthy and in shreds, her body in the water. His lips and lungs breathing life back into her small frame. That wasn't nothing! That was definitely a rather large something! He started pacing as he usually does when trying to sort out his problems. He didn't comprehend he was standing or moving or doing anything other than being angry at the brunette in front of him.

"No, Granger. Nothing is something you say when your mother asks 'what are you doing' when she knows you're getting yourself into trouble. Nothing is what you say when your best mate asks what you're doing Saturday night and you have no plans. Nothing isn't being found covered in your own blood and fucking half dead in the mother freaking hot house at fucks-o-clock in the morning. Nothing isn't killing, or at least trying, and nearly succeeding I might add, to kill yourself in a bloody bathtub with a shrunken boulder. Nothing isn't telling the medi-witch and the Headmaster, the HEADMASTER of all people, that we are 'involved sexually' and that we 'like it rough'. I mean of all the things you could have said… to say that when it you know it bloody well isn't true, I just wanted to kill you right then, but seeing as I just saved your bloody life I managed to not follow through."

He took a breath, finally pulling the train back to a manageable speed. "Nothing may be a lot of things, Hermione, but it isn't what is going on here so don't even try to shoot off that bullshit to me."

He then became aware of where he was and what he was doing. He was standing and pacing, when exactly had he started that? Anger and resentment had filled him to the brim during his ranting at her and he stopped his harried movement to analyze himself. One little word and the restraint and control he always held so carefully in check had fractured and nearly completely disappeared. How did this one small woman make him go completely off his rocker so easily? It was unnerving.

She looked shocked at his outburst. She'd cowered even further into the couch and her eyes, her normally fire-y brown eyes were empty and muddy in color. He'd never lost control like that before, had he scared her? In hindsight he could imagine him losing his control would frighten just about anyone, as he'd never done it before. He was riding on no sleep and now that he was thinking about it, bringing this up at this moment wasn't one of his more brilliant ideas. He was paying the price now, but damnit he just needed to know what had happened to her!

He just stared down at her and watched the emotions flitter across her face. Sadness, despair, confusion, anger, resentment, it all crossed her face and he could tell she knew what she'd said, her little 'nothing' had been a huge something to him. His heart was racing and he couldn't keep still any longer. He started up his pacing again, not as furiously but still the same back in forth on her rug in front of the fire place. He wished she'd say something. It was too quiet between them now. He'd said more than he should have already, it was her turn to do the talking. He could still taste the leather from his shoe that he'd decidedly placed firmly into his mouth just moments ago.

She stood and he watched as her back went straight and her chin hardened, grinding her teeth together. He looked on in amazement as the Hermione he knew finally poked her head out and was going to stand up to him. So he'd pissed her off. Well good, he thought, it's about time. It was about time she felt something other than self pity and denial. Too bad it came at such a high price to him.

"Don't yell at me, Malfoy, don't you dare. I've been through enough already and I don't need you to start on me too. Go; leave, if I make you so damn furious. Go hex a first year for all I care, but don't yell at me. You're the only person who holds any power over me right now, true, but I won't allow you to think that it's okay to just rant away at me as if I don't have feelings. So if you don't like how I'm dealing with things then there's the bloody door."

She lifted her chin as if to dare him to walk out on her. She was testing him; this had to be a test. How many times did he have to say he was going to watch out for her, to help her through all this? He was getting exhausted trying to convince her that he wasn't going to hurt or leave her in the state she was in. But she had a point; he wasn't helping by yelling at her and she had been through enough. He'd been a prat for yelling but damnit she'd needed to hear it no matter how it was delivered.

"I don't want to go away or leave, or find the door. I promised you that I wouldn't. But what I do want is for you to admit that something really fucking horrible happened to you and that you can and need to deal with it and you're going to need help!" he shot back without the volume this time. She tossed her arms in the air, exasperated.

"Of course I know it wasn't nothing you idiotic arse. I just wanted you to drop the fucking subject." Well he'd struck a nerve there. Miss Proper resorting to cursing, that was unexpected. He wasn't sure he'd ever heard her say anything worse than 'bloody' before. Well she'd told him to fuck off once. Eh, he was digressing. She was getting mad and he was okay with that. Mad he could deal with, he did mad well.

"Well, I don't." He punctuated his words by crossing his arms and frowning down at her, his height to his advantage right now.

"Too bloody bad, Malfoy. You can't make me talk. Just go away; like I said before, I don't need you or your damn promises." She flopped back down on the couch and crossed her own arms in stubbornness. He groaned in frustration, couldn't she just do things the easy way for once?

"I'm not leaving and yes, you are going to talk to me. This isn't all sunshine and roses for me either, Granger. But you need to get this out. You need to talk to someone. You need help. Since you're so ridiculously set on not telling anyone else about what happened then I guess I'm all you've got, so deal with it."

Deal with it; yes that is what he'd been doing since all this had started. Curse his insomnia, which was what had gotten him into this mess in the first place. He was dealing with it, one moment at a time. How was he supposed to help her if she wouldn't talk to him? This is so frustrating! He wanted to scream and pull his hair out but he valued his pride and his hair too much to do so.

"What is it you want me to say?" Her voice had dropped down several octaves and grief had replaced the anger. She looked small and vulnerable again and his anger melted away and pooled in a sad puddle at his feet.

"Anything…something. Just, what the hell happened? And if you say nothing I will hex you." He added the last part because he wasn't so sure she wouldn't try that line again. He really would hex her if he had to. But to his utter horror she started crying and muttering something unintelligible.

"Damnit what did I say this time?" She kept muttering and he was getting impatient again.

"Speak up woman, so people with normal hearing can actually hear you," he said exasperated. He hated crying women and she did a ton of it. Her head shot up and he actually took a step away from her. Her eyes were flaming and burning behind her pooling tears.

"HE TOOK MY FUCKING WAND! Was that fucking loud enough for you?" She buried her head in her hands and cried harder and he felt about two inches tall right then. Well that answered his question on where her wand went. He also could now appreciate how vulnerable she must be feeling; especially since he kept threatening to hex her and she had no way of protecting herself. Way to rub salt in the wound you idiot.

She was talking though, which was the goal. He needed to keep her going.

"What did he do with it, do you know?" Simple questions, simple answers. He could do this, they could do this.

"He spelled it to the Forbidden Forest," she said through her hands. Her voice was nasally and she sniffed and wiped at the snot running from her nose. He handed her another of his handkerchiefs. She should just start up a collection, he thought amusingly. How many M embroidered hankies could she collect in one school year?

So it was in the forest, well at least he hadn't snapped it. He could go out and find it. Wait what? No, he was not going to go traipsing through the Forbidden Forest looking for a wand that looked exactly like every other twig out there. It was forbidden for a reason. No, she would simply have to get another one.

Before tomorrow? His mind argued. Yes well, that was a problem. He snapped his fingers. He had it, the perfect solution! Well it was mostly perfect.

"I'll get you another one," he said with a genuine smile. He had a family member, a cousin (or second cousin?), who owed him a favor. That cousin just so happened to be a friend to Gregorovitch, a wand maker in Germany. He would have him make her a wand. It would take a day or two but maybe his cousin had a spare she could use? He would write to him right away.

"What do you mean? I can't just use someone else's wand. That's stealing and it wouldn't work properly for me." She seemed wary of what he was proposing. He couldn't blame her, he'd be wary of someone offering up a new wand too. Who knows how they'd come across it. He would just have to explain it all, and so he did.

"I have a cousin who owes me a favor and he knows a wand maker in Germany, his name is Gregorovitch. He's not as brilliant and definitely not as nice as Ollivander but he makes solid reliable wands and he won't go asking any unwanted questions." She wasn't as excited as he'd hoped and she seemed to be hesitating at his proposition.

"Can't we…can't we just go find mine?" He sighed; he would want to go find his wand as well. A wand became like your own appendage after a while. And she'd had her wand for seven years. She'd used it for more that just swish and flick in school. She'd dueled with her wand, fought wizards and witches and monsters. He'd heard from the grapevine that Neville had even used it back at the Department of Mysteries and that that wand had been the one to poke Macnair in the eye, something to this day he howls about getting revenge. How he'd do that from behind his cell walls Draco didn't know.

She'd found and really used her wand in the last seven years. Whereas most students barely got to know what their wand was really made of until well after school had ended, and some never saw the full extent of what they could achieve with their wand. He felt sorry for her, but going out and looking for it was out of the question. It would be another suicide attempt for her and nearly premeditated murder for him if she insisted on him going out and looking for it.

"No, and you know why we can't. If it is where he says it is, it's unreachable. Even if we knew exactly where it was, getting to it would be impossible. You know what kind of monsters are in the forest; they'd eat us for a snack and then ask for more." He repressed a shudder as his memories of his detention with Potter in their first year cropped up in his brain. No that was something he didn't want to repeat…ever.

"But isn't there some kind of locator spell? Something to help me find it? It's my…it's my wand, Draco. It's…it's apart of me." He softened and crossed the space between them and sat down next to her. He completely understood her sorrow. Just the thought of losing his wand made him feel like part of his right hand was missing. He couldn't imagine it and he pulled out his own wand, conveniently right there in his pocket, where it should be.

She looked at his wand too as he held it up in examination. Ten inches of pliant Hawthorn wood and unicorn hair core. He loved his wand as much as he loved his fingers. But there was no spell he was aware of to help locate her wand and he would be just as stuck if it had been his wand. There was no way that he knew of to find the missing piece to her person. He lowered his wand and pocketed it again with a sigh.

"No, not that I'm aware of. I really truly am sorry, Hermione. I can't imagine losing my wand. I can't imagine not having it anymore and I don't know how to help you with that loss. All I can offer is to have another one made for you without drawing attention unwontedly." She nodded and slid down into the couch further, leaning her head on the side of the couch now. He knew she knew he was right but for once he didn't want either of them to be right. He wanted someone to tell him exactly how to find her wand and see her light up when he presented it to her. But that wouldn't happen so he would have to settle for second best.

"What kind of wand did you have, Hermione?" he asked tentatively. He would need to know to best explain what she would need to his cousin.

"It is…was a vine-wood with a dragon heartstring core, ten and three quarter inches long." He nodded and made a mental note of it. Vine-wood, not a common wood for a wand and definitely used for a witch or wizard who had more to offer the world than just to occupy space and levitate objects. It was fitting for her. Dragon heartstring however was something that surprised him and could possibly make things a bit more difficult. It was notorious for binding completely to its witch or wizard. The connection to her wand must be stronger than he realized. There was nothing he could do for her and her wand though.

"I'll let him know. Anything else that he could help narrow down the selection?" She lifted her head off the armrest of the couch.

"Can he bring multiples maybe? That way I can choose one? Or…no that's fine; it's nice enough of you to even ask this of him. Never mind." He hadn't thought of that. The wand chooses the wizard; the wizard doesn't just choose a wand. He would have to ask if his cousin could bring a few for her to possibly bond with. Draco had never wanted to do something for someone so much before. He couldn't take back what had happened to her but he could help with this. He could make this better.

"No, no that's a good idea. I'll ask my cousin to bring as many as he can so you have some choices. There's a Hogsmeade trip this coming weekend, hopefully he can make it here that quick." Draco felt good about this. He felt better than he'd felt in a while.

"Thank you, Draco. I wish it were my wand but you're right, I need something and it's very nice of you to offer this. Please, thank your cousin for me as well. Although you probably won't want to tell him who it's for will you? No, he wouldn't do it for a mudblood like me. He told me I didn't deserve a wand, that I must have stolen it because a wand would never choose someone as dirty, undeserving and weak as me. I wish I could just remove those memories from my head, you know? Just…just like that" she snapped her fingers.

"Don't call yourself that!" His eyes stormed with his anger at Hermione calling herself a mudblood. It sounded so wrong and awful and he hated knowing that he'd called her that for the better part of five years. He'd wanted to remove plenty of memories before. He had actually in his pensieve…

"What about a pensieve?" If that would help her to get the memories out, or even to show him what happened he could help with that too. After his father's incarceration and his refusal to talk to anyone plus the letters, he'd spent a good portion of his summer allowance, okay almost all of it, on a pensieve made especially for him. It could travel and be shrunk with no alteration of the memories within. It had cost a fortune but he could let her borrow it. He would have to go with her if she ever wanted to look on her memories, but he didn't think she would really want to. He wasn't comfortable with letting her trudge around in his memories alone though.

"I don't have one." Her voice broke him out of his thoughts. Of course she didn't know he had one, he hadn't told her that part yet. Oh he was getting ahead of himself in his exhausted state. He shifted around on the couch putting a few inches between them but now it was easier to look at her.

"I do. I have had it since the summer of fifth year. You can use it to get this off your mind or to maybe show me what happened and then you wouldn't have to talk about it in detail. It helps to re-look at the past sometimes too. It helps to see things from a different angle and maybe remember things you hadn't thought of before." He was grasping and he knew it. He wanted to know what had happened to her and this seemed to be the only way he would get the information he needed. Sure there was a certain risk involved with her having access to his most private memories but if he was careful there wouldn't be any problems.

"I don't want to relive it again. But a pensieve might be a good idea." She was reluctantly agreeing and not for the first time tonight had said he was right about something. He'd admitted she was right about a few things as well. At least they were working together now. But he could hear the small tremor in her voice that belied her forced excitement over his offer. He would take what he could get though.

"I'll bring it over tomorrow then. I…" He didn't know what else he wanted to say. They'd said so much already and she was opening up to him but he was also so, so tired. After the lack of sleep the past few days, classes and their shouting match earlier, he just wanted to sleep for a month. His eye lids were so heavy, like someone had put lead weights on them. He slouched back into the support of the couch, their arms only inches away from each other. He was just relaxing after a long day, he told himself. He felt comfortable, something he didn't achieve often. If he wanted he could just close his eyes and…

"You?" He opened his eyes reluctantly.

"I, what?" He was confused in his sudden sleepy state.

"You started to say something and then kinda… dozed off. You're probably really tired, why don't you go and get some sleep?" As if being told to go to sleep had been a splash of cold water on his face, he'd never felt more awake. The last time she'd sent him away she'd…well anyway he wasn't going anywhere this time.

"No, no I'm fine. It's almost dinner time, do you want to brave the Great Hall or have a house elf bring something tonight?"

"I'm not really all that hungry…" she started but quieted herself at his disapproving glare. She would eat, even if he forced it down her throat.

"So, no Great Hall then? That's fine, we will eat in again. And this time, I'm not leaving." He gave her a pointed look that dared her to argue with him. Wisely she decided to forego that argument and simply nodded.

Finally, no fight, his mind cheered. Tonight might not be a half bad night if she kept going like this.

-HG-

"So, Professor Vector didn't give anyone any help with the last problem, even though everyone is confused on it? Sounds about right." They'd fallen into a comfortable conversation about Arithmancy, a shared love between the two of them.

"It really wasn't that hard of a problem, the thing was the formula that we would usually use here," he gestured to a page in the notes, "that isn't applied until we get to here, instead." Once she was able to empty her mind and focus solely on her studies, everything began to be clearer to her. This, this he couldn't take away from her, her love of studies and books and educational conversations, even if they included one Draco Malfoy. He really was quite brilliant at Arithmancy. She had been as confused as the rest of the class until he explained it that way. But this was hers and no one could take this away from her.

"Oh, I get it now. That makes sense. Why can't she just tell us these things? It would make everything go a lot smoother." She was thinking about all the students that would be coming to her with those questions on her tutoring night. Little did they know that she had had to get help as well. Although she would have figured it out eventually, it wasn't that hard once she really sat down and looked at it.

"That's not the point. The point is to figure it out for yourself. You have to think outside the box. Like, say you are trapped and you can't get out, like in a dungeon or something. What do you do? Do you just yell for help until your throat gives out or do you try to figure out a way to save yourself?"

Images flashed past her eyes of her wand disappearing and the cords around her wrists and the slither of his hateful words past her ears. How she'd tried to scream but had had that taken away from her. Draco didn't know, he didn't bring it up to be mean, but he had and the now all too familiar fear crept up her spine again. She was so tired of being afraid of something she couldn't control. She slunk back into the couch, distancing herself from him. He hadn't known but it still stung to remember.

"I'd rather not think about that right now," she tried to sound cheeky and funny but she failed and he noticed. He blanched and turned towards her. He held his hands up in surrender.

"I wasn't thinking, I'm…fuck I'm an idiot. Of course you know exactly how that is. Fuck Hermione, I'm sorry. Forget I said that, yea?" He stumbled on himself trying to make his words go back into his mouth. On the one hand it had been nice being able to just talk with someone who was as intelligent as she was. On the other he seemed to be programmed from day one to know exactly the right button to push to send her over the edge, whatever edge that may be.

"It's uh…it's fine, I'm fine. Just…it just took me by surprise is all. It still hurts, remembering ya know?" She was trying to brush it off and make light of it but she wasn't doing a very good job.

"No, of course it does. I'm an idiot. It's only been two days I wouldn't expect you to be right as rain about it, especially not even having talked about everything yet. Which you haven't gotten off on that by the way, I'm just too ruddy tired to talk any more about it tonight. Just, we'll pick this up tomorrow? We both need to sleep. Do you want a dreamless sleep before I go?"

He was packing his pack up with his own school work and trying to make a speedy exit. But his question reminded her of what she had to do before bed. She didn't want to stop breathing without someone there with her. She would have to find the courage to ask him to stay, to help her. The Gods would need to help her in asking him for help. The words seemed stuck in her throat as she watched him toss parchment half-hazardly into his bag. Hermione Granger asking Draco Malfoy for help was as wrong as a bird mating with a fish. It just…it just didn't happen.

But it had to happen this time. Gryffindor courage for the win! She thought sarcastically.

"Could you…could you wait for just a minute. I have to take this, this replenishing potion and I don't…I don't want to do it alone." He paused at her plea, seeming surprised that she was finally asking for help.

"Uh, sure, yea. What did you need?" The blonde seemed out of his element. This was what he'd been wanting from her and now that she'd agreed, this time, to him helping her he seemed lost as to what to do. There was a certain amount of irony there.

"I have to crush up this play dough like stuff into a powder-"

"Play-what?" he asked incredulously. She sighed; sometimes it was such a bother using metaphors for things. Between the two worlds she lived in it was impossible to keep the two straight on who knew what and what items didn't belong where.

"Never mind. This stuff is kinda nasty in that it makes me stop breathing so I-"

"It what?" He seemed none to pleased with that bit of information and she huffed at being interrupted again. She wasn't entirely thrilled about that part either and she was scared to do this by herself. Gods, she actually needed Draco bloody Malfoy. Hell had to be freezing over as they spoke.

"It's temporary, or so Madam Pomfrey says. She said it's so that the lung tissue can heal. I guess the rest of the cells have healed from the previous doses but I left the wing too early to be able to skip the remaining dosages. I'm sorry; I can just go to the hospital wing to do it. I shouldn't have asked."

She was giving him an out. He didn't have to do this, even though he'd promised he would be there for her and help her if she needed it. She would be mortified if the person she'd just saved from drowning had to stop breathing in front of her again. There would be serious memory recall for him while she was unable to breathe. Would she be awake? Aware of what was going on around her? She hadn't asked those questions, she'd just wanted out of there. Hindsight was always 20/20.

"No, I'll stay. Just…let's just get this over with." He sighed and laid his pack down on the chair again. "Where is the stuff? I'll grind it down for you." She pulled out the bottles, the pain potion he'd already seen as she'd needed to take it with her dinner. It really had tasted awful. The jar she pulled out this time he looked at warily and she wondered what he was thinking.

He somehow knew exactly where her mortar and pestle was and after she described what he was to do, began grinding away at the stubborn round ball. It was quite funny to watch actually. The ball seemed to be a lot more solid than its outer appearance, and with a mind of its own. It kept rolling away from him whenever he would come close to it. He scowled down at the small grey ball and began muttering to himself and jabbed wildly trying to catch it between his pestle and the mortar. He kept missing and eventually Hermione couldn't keep her laughter to herself and started chuckling aloud from her spot on the couch.

"If this is so bloody hilarious to you, Granger, why don't you try it?" he challenged. She knew he was daring her to do better but watching him chase around the ball was too funny to pass up.

"I'm good, you just keep trying. You almost had it that last time." She kept her chuckles to a minimum as he repeatedly tried to capture the ball between his tools. He reminded her of the Greek lore about Tantalus, the man who was punished by the Gods and was forced to stand in a pool of water and under a fruit tree. He could never reach the fruit and the water would retreat every time he came close to it. He was forever forced to starve and to thirst. Draco seemed as frustrated as Tantalus would have been. The ball kept moving out of his strike zone, almost taunting him.

"Did she give you any tips on how to grind this stupid thing?" He tossed the pestle away and wiped his hands on his expensive tailored pants. He looked captivating right then. His jaw was set in annoyance but his stormy grey eyes danced with contemplation and a hint of irritancy along the edges. They were irrationally attractive. She hadn't thought about his rolled up sleeves until now but they looked so natural on him, comfortable, not on call to impress. He seemed generally relaxed in her dorm, something she'd never seen on him before. His platinum hair had fallen into his eyes and he swiped at it as if clearing his line of sight would solve all his problems. He looked like he belonged there; in her kitchenette area and glaring down at the little grey ball as if it had kicked him.

Suddenly, as if it would run away again, he picked up the ball out of the bowl and slammed it down hard with his hand flat to the table. She jumped at the sound and let out a tiny squeak. She hadn't expected that at all. He looked up at her and smirked. His stormy eyes flared in satisfaction and his face lit up. He lifted his hand to reveal the pieces of the ball. It had broken into four pieces under his hand.

"See? Think outside the box." He was referring to the Arithmancy assignment and she couldn't help but admire that he'd brought everything back around to something they shared a common interest in, even if he was still boasting just a bit.

"So I see. Good job, though a warning next time would be nice." Her heart had finally started beating again after it had been shocked silent from the loud slam of his hand on the table.

"Sorry, didn't want the bugger to get away." He placed the pieces back into the mortar and picked up the pestle. He paused and she wondered if the pieces would still be able to run away from him. He pressed down and she heard the familiar scraping sound of pestle grinding down into the mortar. Nothing moved out of the way and it crumbled into dust quickly. Her entertainment and procrastination was over.

Once it was ground down into a nice powder he spelled it all into a small cup, almost like the liquid medicine cups her mother use to use when she was sick. He handed her the small cup and she hesitated. He seemed to understand and he put a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and took a small comfort in his presence. She wouldn't be doing this alone and he could go for help if things went poorly.

"What else is this going to do?" he asked hesitantly. She explained what the medi-witch had told her and he nodded along asking a brief question here and there. He seemed reassured that everything was temporary.

"I'll be right here, okay?" he said when all queries had been answered she had no excuse not to tip the cup back and put the powder under her tongue.

Immediately she wanted to spit it out. It flashed hot and cold in her mouth as if it couldn't decide if it wanted to burn her mouth from heat or give her sensitive tongue frostbite. Draco sat down on the couch with her, placing a hand on her knee. She focused on his hand, pale skin with long fingers and resting warm on her knee.

Her heart started racing. She wasn't sure if it was due to the powder or Draco's hand but she didn't really care. It kept going faster and faster until she thought it would beat right out of her chest and take off down the hallway. She focused on the pressure his fingers put on the inside of her knee. She felt the powder start to dissolve from her saliva. She wanted to just swallow it down but she held it under her tongue like she was supposed to. At least it didn't taste awful. In fact she couldn't taste it at all. She had a million sensations going all at once but none a real taste.

Slowly, ever so slowly the power dissolved and eventually she felt her heart rate slow. But even as she started to breathe a sigh of relief that she was feeling normal again her chest clenched tight. She felt like she couldn't breathe and her body fought against it, sending panic signals to her brain. She breathed shallow quick breaths, as many as she could get in. Her mind told her this was normal but her body screamed that something was terribly wrong.

Draco's hand gripped her knee. She tried to bring herself back to his long comforting fingers. She tried to focus on how each one felt, the slight movements of his hand as he shifted positions as better to see and help her.

His other hand reached out and held her chin lightly, his thumb brushing against her cheek gently. She looked at him and he seemed calm. Calmer than her body and mind at least. She drew on his peace, trying to slow down her rapid breathing. She was going to hyperventilate if she wasn't careful, not that she had any choice on what was happening anyway. Gradually the tightness eased. Draco's hand tightened on her knee.

"You're going to stop breathing now. Remember it's temporary, it'll be okay." He was so quiet with his words; as if she were a baby dear and he needed to not startle her. It seemed so out of character for him. He wasn't soft with her; he was harsh and cruel most times. But this was a pleasant change. She nodded; she remembered what the medi-witch had said. She knew this was the unpleasant part, as if the rest had been a walk in the park.

Then it happened. Hermione couldn't have described it even if she wanted to. It wasn't like under the water with the cold fire running through her lungs. It wasn't like the ache you had after holding your breath for too long either. She just didn't have the sensation to breathe any longer. It became a non-priority for her brain. Her cells everywhere else in her body began aching for oxygen but it was as if her lungs had taken a vacation.

Her eyes grew wide. Her hands grabbed at her chest as if to make sure it was still there. He held her gaze, trying to calm her with his eyes. He looked as if he was saying something but all she could hear was blood rushing past her ears. She became hyperaware of everything, especially the need to get oxygen to her body. She wanted to hear him, hear his words but the blood rushing in her ears deafened his voice. She could feel his hand on her knee squeezing and releasing, squeezing and releasing as if Morse Code for 'everything will be okay'.

Slowly the rushing eased and she could hear again. He was whispering that everything would be fine, that she was fine. He reminded her it was temporary, that he was there, nothing was going wrong. Somehow the presence of Draco Malfoy at her side while she wasn't breathing was the best comfort she could think of.

The sensation of needing to breathe began to cease and she realized that she'd begun to take in the smallest of breaths, but her airway felt constricted and she started to panic. Something had gone wrong! She couldn't breathe properly! Madam Pomfrey had said it would be temporary but she had the urge to breathe now and she couldn't!

She shot to a standing position so fast even his seeker reflexes hadn't had time to stop her. He stood mere milliseconds after her and enveloped her in his arms, holding her tight against him, back to chest, effectively pinning her arms down as she had started to grab at her throat and chest with earnest, scratching herself and him in the process. He was muttering things under his breath again but she couldn't hear him. Panic had made the blood rush past her ears again. All she could hear was the whoosh-whoosh-whoosh of her quickening heart beat and she felt the ache in every cell for her to take a larger breath, something that seemed impossible for her to achieve.

She gasped deeper and longer but nothing seemed to help. She wasn't going to ever be able to breathe normal again! She tried to get out of Draco's grasp but he held tight, his words finally making it through the whoosh-whoosh past her ears.

"Shh, Hermione, it's okay. It'll just take a bit to get your lungs functioning again. Sit down; you're putting too much strain on your lungs gasping like you are. Sit down, relax, it'll come back quicker if you relax." She headed his words, what did she have to lose? She sat down on the fluffy couch, one of his arms still on her shoulder as he guided her down. She had to admit she was starting to feel better after taking the strain off her lungs from gasping and trying to bolt. Air filled her lungs more and more with each breath until she was breathing relatively normal again. His arm left her shoulder and she was without his touch once again.

It took her a while to be able to speak, whether from fear of not being able to breathe again if she tried or fear of what to say she didn't know. He'd comforted her and kept her from completely freaking out when he could have just sat there and made sure she started breathing again. He'd stayed by her side and kept her from harming herself even though he could have left her to fend for herself. She owed him again. Perhaps not in the same way as when he'd saved her life, but definitely owed him something in some way.

"Thank you…" She didn't know what else to say. What else was there?

"You're welcome. C'mon, let's get you into bed and then I'll head back to my rooms for my own sleep. Do you want the dreamless sleep tonight?" She nodded, unable to voice her fears about him joining her in her dreams. She wasn't ready for that again. Draco seemed to understand and he cleaned up his mess from the restoration potion debacle, lowered the fire with his wand and took her to her room. He placed the dreamless sleep bottle on her nightstand and said goodnight. She fell into a comfortable sleep just after taking a drink of the purple liquid.

The morning came too soon but it had been good to sleep a nice healing sleep. It had been exactly what she'd needed. She hadn't needed to sleep forever as she'd tried to do the night before. She'd just needed a good night's sleep and everything seemed clearer that morning. The memories were still there but they weren't so overwhelming.

Even the morning dose of the restoration potion seemed easier to handle. Draco was there through it all and she didn't panic this time. They just stared at each other, she taking comfort in his now familiar features and he like a solid stone for her to lean against. His eyes were captivating enough for her to lose herself in and she didn't have to fear him wondering why she was staring at him.

Everything was going perfect, or as perfect as possible, until she reached the Great Hall doors and proceeded to have a massive panic attack after simply bumping into someone who was exiting the Hall as she was trying to enter. This caused Draco to have to haul her back to the Head Common room and hold her while she cried. She apologized over and over but he just held her close while her emotional rollercoaster rolled her upside-down and backwards. He'd been there for her again. It was becoming a habit for him, one that she was getting very use to.

They wrote a note to the Headmaster and told him she'd fallen ill from being in the water so long and he excused her from classes for another day. She felt bad for lying to him yet again but she wasn't ready to face the populous yet. He was there, somewhere, hiding out in the open. She wasn't ready to come face to face with her attacker and have no idea it was him. She was just fine hiding out behind closed portraits with Draco to protect her.

And she was worried about her own mind now. If she couldn't handle bumping into someone and thinking 'could it be him?' how was she going to deal with the touchy feely Gryffindors and hundreds of students in the halls? How was she going to pretend to be normal in front of Harry and Ron and her friends? She had a lot more to figure out than she though she did. But at least she could fall into Draco.

He always seemed to be there, one way or another to catch her when she fell.

a/n (Long sorry!): Thank you all for the brilliant reviews! I love them all so much! My daughter is truly dancing with me now, her little butt just swaying with mama. She's growing so fast!

First things first, one lovely reviewer pointed out that the quote from chapter three, "Best laid plans of mice and men often go awry" is actually a paraphrase from Robert Burns's poem 'To a Mouse'. I just wanted to give proper credit where credit was due. So now both authors have credit, thank you for helping me with that!

Secondly, was that enough Hermione/Draco moments for you? I had so much fun writing this chapter and having it all be between the two of them, no interruptions. The arguing, the making up, the connection during her treatment it was all brilliant to write. What did you think? Did it work for you? Were they in character enough? Want more arguments? Less? Let me know!

Thirdly, the sad part…I won't be posting another chapter for two weeks and will probably be keeping the posts at two weeks. I'm going on vacation and then starting back at full time work when I get back. If I can get them up sooner I will but otherwise it will be every other week. Reviews make me write faster though so the more reviews the more I won't care if I don't get any sleep and stay up to write : - ) Love you all! Reviewers, followers, favoriters! You make the late nights worth it!