To Find What I Wasn't Looking For
Chapter 7
Carisi raised his weapon, ready to use it if he had to, and aimed it at Lucas, who was still standing on deck, looking at the approaching speedboat with fear in his eyes. The fear was not related to the gun drawn at him or fear of dying, it was fear and sheer terror that he had been caught red handed.
Olivia was on a mission and would not rest until she had completed it, whatever the outcome. As they pulled up along the side of the yacht, Carisi noticed a glare, a reflection of something metal and shiny located on Lucas hip, underneath his jacket. "NYPD, hands in the air and don't move." he shouted, still pointing his gun straight at him, hoping that he would surrender without a fight. He was wrong.
Lucas didn't think twice before reaching for his gun and, within less than a second, a shot was fired and a body slumped to the ground. Lucas body. After witnessing the man falling to the deck floor, Olivia didn't waste any time and threw herself into the freezing water where Amanda had disappeared beneath the surface only thirty seconds ago. The cold was a shock to her system and all she wanted to do was to gasp for breath as the freezing temperature penetrated her body, burrowing itself deep inside her bones. Amanda was more important right now, than to complain about cold water.
It was dark underneath the surface and her vision was extremely limited. She could barely see her own hand in front of her as she swam downwards into the deep unknown, searching for a body that could very well be resting at the bottom of the ocean right now, but she kept going anyway. Her lungs were screaming for air and she had no other choice but to resurface and take a deep breath before going back under again. The adrenaline was helping with the cold. She was determined to find her even though it was almost pitch black only three feet bellow her.
During her second attempt she suddenly felt something soft touching her left hand and, in the murky water, she could vaguely make out blonde hair, floating around like a halo around Amanda's face, making her look almost angelic. Quickly she wrapped her left arm around the blonde's waist and began to swim upwards, desperate to break the surface for another needed breath of air.
As their heads popped up, Carisi was leaning over the edge of the boat, ready to haul them both into safety and, with the help of the man, they pulled them back onboard, Liv gasping for breath and Amanda not breathing at all.
"Quick, Carisi, start chest compressions, I've got a pulse. It's faint but steady." together, they worked on bringing Amanda back as the man took them back into shore where the expected backup and ambulance were waiting for them.
"Come on, Amanda, don't die on me now." Olivia panted as Carisi pumped her chest over and over, causing the blonde's petite frame to almost bounce off the slippery flooring of the boat. She tilted Amanda's head back, pinched her nose and gave her mouth to mouth twice before Carisi continued the compressions.
As they got back onto dry land, Amanda still hadn't regained consciousness and they worked ferociously on her until the medics reached them and took over. "I'm gonna ride with her, Carisi. Inform them about Lucas and call Fin to let him know what's going on."
"Copy that, Lieutenant." he stated, his face still pale and pasty looking from his earlier vomiting session and the rollercoaster ride in the speedboat. He was glad to be back on dry land in one piece.
Liv was offerd a blanket inside the ambulance, which she wrapped around herself, trying to get her shivering body under control. Amanda looked pale and lifeless. You would think she was dead if it wasn't for the pulse still pumping and the brunette took one of her icy hands in her own as the paramedic placed a mask with, what looked like a platic bag attached to it, over her nose and mouth, pressing on it to let the air get into her starved lungs.
"How long was she in the water for?" the medic asked, while trying to cover Amanda's body with a tin foil blanket to keep her warm.
"About two minutes. She was unconscious going in but I... I don't know for how long. Will she make it?"
"We're gonna do everything we can." he replied, without looking at Olivia, too busy tending to the blonde's needs, doing his best to keep her alive. "We should be at the hospital soon." he informed and, as they arrived at the emergency bay, Amanda miraculously coughed and gasped for breath, whimpering softly, her eyes still closed.
"Hey, Amanda, can you hear me? It's Olivia, your going be okay, honey, you're going to be okay." there was no response from the blonde, just a disturbing gurgling sound escaped her lips as she threw up a good amount of sea water that she must've swallowed. The paramedic urged for Olivia to help him turn her over onto her side to clear the air way so she wouldn't choke on her own bile.
"She's got fluids in her lungs. We need to move quicky." as soon as the back of the ambulance opened, they pushed the gurney out and a large team of doctors and nurses surrounded the semi conscious woman, working fast and efficient to save her life.
Olivia watched as they hurried down the corridor and disappeared behind a corner, leaving her standing there, shivering, freezing cold, worried and alone. Eventually a nurse came up with a pair of scrubs and a blanket for her to change into while she waited for any news or updates on Amanda's condition, the blonde's ghostly pale features never leaving her mind.
It took time before she stopped shivering completely. The cold seemed to linger and have a fierce hold of her body but after about an hour she felt warm enough to relax her shoulders and loosen the blanket around her. She felt dizzy and slightly nauseous, due to her healing concussion, but she pushed through, asking a nurse for a glass of water and some pain relievers to deal with the pounding headache that had began to form.
Her phone rang and she jumped at the sudden loud tone. It was Fin. "Carisi told me what happened. Are you okay? Do you need anything? Where are you? How's Amanda doing?"
So many questions all at once caused her head to almost explode but she swallowed her pain, knowing that the meds would soon kick in and she would feel better. "I'm okay, Fin, I'm okay. I'm at the hospital waiting for news about how Amanda is doing. Did Sarah show up?"
She could hear him letting out a breath in relief after hearing that she was okay and unhurt. "Yeah, she did. I told her what had happened and I literally had to push her out the door telling her to go home and take care of herself until we could locate Amanda. She was close to hysterical. I'll call her again, tell her where you are and that Amanda has been found. Are you sure you're okay? Do you need anything at all?"
"I'm okay, Fin, honestly. Just a headache but they gave me something for it. Tell Sarah I'll be waiting for her here."
"Will do, boss."
Another twenty minutes passed before a doctor finally came out with some news. "She's a lucky girl. There was a significant amount of fluids in her lungs, we managed to clear most of it but she still has a drainage tube to get the last bit out. She also has a concussion from a blow to the head, minor cuts and bruises and a sprained wrist."
"Thank god." Liv exhaled, feeling so much lighter and relaxed now that she knew Amanda was going to be okay. "Is she awake?"
"She's slipping in and out of consciousness but she is coherent, she knows where she is, who she is and what happened to her. She's also slightly hypothermic so she's wrapped up in blankets and warm compressors to warm her up slowly. She's down the hall to the left, room 156. We'll be keeping her here for a couple of days just to make sure her lungs will completely clear."
Just as Liv was about to pay Amanda a visit, a woman came through the door looking very lost and scared. She was tall, light brown hair, wearing black skinny jeans, a dark green blouse peeked out from underneath a warm jacket and Liv could see that she had been crying. "Sarah?"
The woman looked at her, eyes red and puffy. "Are you Lieutenant Olivia Benson? A sergeant Tutuola said I could find you here."
"Yes. Yes, I am." they shook hands and Liv explained straight away that Amanda was going to be fine but had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days for observation. "Come on, why don't I take you to her. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you."
None of then were prepared for the horrific sight in front of them as they entered the quiet room. Amanda looked like a small child, wrapped up in so many blankets that only her head was visible. Her pale skin almost seemed translucent, her lips still wore a light shade of blue and it looked like she had lost weight during the past twenty-four hours even though that was impossible. She just appeared so small and fragile, like a china doll that people collect and put on display for others to look at.
Sarah gasped as she spotted her friend in such a bad state and the tears welled in her eyes, spilling over and down onto her flushed cheeks. "Oh god!" she whispered and took a few tentative steps closer. She was almost afraid to touch her in case she would break, or injure her further, so she kept her hands hovering above the slumbering form, not sure what to do with them.
Olivia swallowed her own tears, not knowing why she even felt so strongly or such a powerful gravity to this woman. Maybe it was the shock that was finally kicking in or perhaps the overwhelming thought that Amanda could've easily died on that boat, after fighting so hard to keep her alive. Maybe all the emotions were just too raw and too much to handle right now.
The brunete stepped closer and placed one hand on Sarah's shoulder while the other gently lowered the other woman's hovering ones. "She's gonna be okay. That's all that matters." Liv whispered as softly as she could, finding it hard to speak due to the array of feelings that were buzzing through her mind and body.
Then Sarah did something that completely took Olivia by surprise. She literally threw herself into the Lieutenant's arms, her face hidden pressed against her shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably while repeating the same word over and over. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
Slowly, Olivia embraced the crying woman, that she had only met for the first time a few minutes ago, and held on tight, feeling like they both probably needed it. "You're welcome. I'm just glad me and my partner got there in time."
They stayed in the embrace for a full minute before a soft but raspy voice interrupted them. "Sa... Sarah?" she struggled to open her eyes, her eyeslids feeling so heavy and thick, but managed to open them just enough to see through a small slit. "Sarah... is that... you?" she moved her head but regretted it straight away as a burning pain shot through her skull, causing her to hiss and moan in discomfort.
"Shh, yeah honey, it's me. Don't move too much, okay. You've got a concussion, a sprained wrist and minor cuts and bruises. You also have some fluids in your lungs that they are draining as we speak so you have to take it easy, Manda." she stroked her fingers across her friend's pasty cheek. "Are you in any pain right now? How are you feeling?"
"Ju... st cold. Tired." Amanda replied weakly, a visible shiver ran through her tightly wrapped frame.
Olivia stepped in. "The doctors are warming you up slowly to avoid shock. You gave us quite the scare, missy." she said while approaching the bed, smiling softly, her head cocked to one side and her eyes full of care and concern.
"Olivia?" Amanda faintly whispered as she became aware of the older woman's presence. "Wh... what are you... why are you..."
"Olivia saved your life, honey. She got you out of the water and kept you alive until the paramedics arrived. You came to just as they pulled into the emergency bay but you're gonna be okay." Sarah explained, brushing blonde, slightly damp, hair away from her forehead. "You're gonna be okay."
Blue eyes locked with brown and there was a silent connection between the two women. No words were necessary as the gratitude, the relief and the thankfulness spoke for themselves through the teary pale blue orbs. Her throat closed up from all the emotions she was experiencing but she did manage to pull out her arm from beneath the pile of blankets and reached her heand out, waiting for Olivia to accept it.
Still smiling softly, the tall brunette took one step closer to the bed, her knees now touching the metal frame, and took a firm hold of the icy hand. "It's okay, you're safe. Lucas is dead and he'll never hurt you or anyone else ever again." she soothed and used her other hand to enveloped the cold one, rubbing it gently in an attempt to warm it up quicker. "You're gonna be okay." she then whispered, her eyes filling up with warm salty droplets but blinked them away before they had a chance to fall.
"You should get some rest, sweetie. I'll stay here with you for awhile." Sarah offered, bent down and kissed Amanda's forehead gently.
"S'okay. You've been traveling all day and it's late... I think." she frowned in confusion. "Is it late?"
Olivia chuckled lightly, her hands still wrapped around Amanda's, hoping she was providing some kind of comfort and reassurance. "Yeah, it's so late it's actually early." she grinned. "It's almost three am."
The blonde raised her eyebrows in shock. "You should both go home and get some sleep. I'm okay, really." she argued, feeling bad that they had wasted their time in a hospital when they could be at home or at work doing more productive things than waiting and looking at a sleeping figure.
"I'm not going anywhere." Sarah said stubbornly and took a seat in a plastic chair next to the bed. "I'm staying right here." she looked at Olivia. "You must be freezing, Lieutenant. Your hair is still damp and I doubt that those scrubs you're wearing are providing any heat at all."
Olivia looked down at her temporary attire and chuckled. "Yeah, they're not made for comfort, I can tell you that." squeezing Amanda's cold hand, she reluctantly let go. "I'm glad you're okay, Amanda. You've got my number if there's anything you need, even if you just want to talk. Take care of yourself." she turned to Sarah. "Take care of each other."
As she slowly walked out of the hospital, dragging her feet behind, a wave of sadness hit her strongly. With a plastic bag, that contained her wet clothing, she hung her head so her tears wouldn't be noticed by people she knew or even by strangers as she exited the building, hailed a cab and headed home, exhausted after the physically and emotionally strained day. She would let the guys at the precinct know tomorrow morning that she would be in later than usual since she had stayed up most of the night, waiting to hear any news about Amanda.
The bed was calling her name but first a long warm shower, to heat up her chilled body, to help her relax and sleep until she had to face another day at SVU.
She found it hard to fall asleep. Every time she closed her eyes she saw Amanda's limp and unconscious body being tossed over the railing of the yacht, plummeting into the freezing water and disappear down into the murky depth. She had saved a lot of people over the years by using her gun, her words or her fists but never had she been in a situation where she had no choice but to dive into the sea to save someone from drowning.
She wondered if she was sleeping right now. Was she awake? Having nightmares or night terrors about the attack? Was she okay? Was she warm enough? Was she safe? Was Sarah still there? Was she helping Amanda through this? Was she comforting her, soothing her and holding her if she needed it? Olivia would, if she could be there. She wanted to be there, to offer all those things to the younger woman so she would feel safe and protected again but, Sarah was there instead, taking care of those things that she wanted to do. That she really wanted to do.
Eventually, after a long silent debate with herself, she fell into a deep sleep around five am and didn't wake until her alarm went of six hours later. Though she was still tired, her head felt light and normal again, she was warm and cozy inside her own bed and she was happy that Amanda was safe and that she had Sarah to support her through the recovery. The more she thought about it, thought about Sarah being the one to hold her hand and guide her through the storm, the more she became aware that she was jealous, jealous of Sarah.
