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GeekAttack


Friday August 29

Today was a much nicer day than yesterday; the sun's shining, the birds are chirping, the flowers are blooming. Okay, it might be a bit of an exaggeration, although the feeling is still there.

I stretched my arms out, hopped out of bed, and headed down stairs. Gran was making my favourite, bacon and pancakes, as I sat down to eat breakfast.

"Your Hogwarts letter came today. I'll go by Diagon Alley to pick up your supplies if you'd like. I'm going to see an old friends and it's on the way," Gran said flipping another pancake over the flaming hot stove.

I saw the envelope with Hogwarts emblem on it while stuffing another mouthful of food in my mouth. I quickly swallowed and opened the letter.

Dear Miss Zabini,

Congratulations, you have been made this year's Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain. Enclosed along with your list of supplies is your badge.

Good luck.

Prof. McGonagall

I must have read the note over ten times before jumping up and down, squealing. Me! Quidditch Captain! Wait until Mum and Dad hear! Eeeeekk!

"Gran! Gran! I've been made Quidditch Captain this year!" I hug her.

"That's great, love!"

"I need to go tell James, he's going to be so jealous!" I say avidly. I floo Ginny to tell her I'm coming over and run upstairs to get dressed.

I throw on a pair of black shorts, my Ravenclaw t-shirt with Zabini written on the back, and high tops. I open the door a crack to check the weather, feeling the wind gust into my face. I grab the closest jacket to me- James' Harpies sweatshirt, and head out.

I nearly run into someone walking their dog while rushing over to the Potters. I arrive at their house minutes later, not yet out of breath. Their red coloured door swings open and I become face to face with Lily.

"James is upstairs in his room," she smirks. I would've said something cheeky in reply but I was much too excited to care. I raced up the stairs to find James staring out the window solemnly.

I stop in my tracks and knock on the door softly, "James?"

He turns to me sadly, "I wasn't made Captain this year…" What? He's easily one of the best players on the Gryffindor team and has great leadership skills. There must be some kind of mistake.

"Oh, James…they must be daft not to pick you," I say trying to comfort him and refraining from telling him my good news .

His mouth curves into a grin, "You're right, that's why they did." That bloody git! I'm going to kill him!

"James Sirius Potter, you prat!" I shriek hitting him repeatedly. "I. Can't. Believe. You. Made. Me. Feel. So. Guilty. For. Coming. Here. To. Tell. You. That. I'm. Quidditch. Captain. This. Year!" I yell between shoves.

"I knew you'd be Quidditch Captain this year! Kal, this is so great!" he swung me around in circles until I got wildly dizzy. I laughed in glee as he set me down onto his desk, our foreheads touching, both breathing heavily from all the enthusiasm. I stared into his eyes as he did into mine, feeling like time had slowed down just for us to savour this one moment.

"Nice sweater, by the way. Where'd you get it?" he joked breathily.

I smiled, "Oh, just from some git I used to know."

We both have yet to move our arms from where they were; mine curled around his neck and his resting on my hips. I felt my heart beat grow faster and faster. My face must have looked like a bright red tomato right about now. I looked at him unsure whether I should pull away or give in to my desire to kiss him.

I didn't have much time to decide for James already had.

He pressed his lips against mine, pulling me closer to him. I ran my hands through his soft hair reciprocating his actions. I guess you could say the kiss radiated passion, or one could even say lust. It was as if we both secretly yearned for each other and now that we were, the world couldn't handle it. Whoa, stop right there. That sounded extremely cheesy. It's probably the euphoria getting to me.

He began to deepen the kiss further as cupped my cheek with his hands. I wanted very much for it not to end however a thought came to mind that hit me hard in the chest.

I pulled away gently even though I was longing for more. (Where is all this cheesiness coming from? The euphoria strikes again.)

"James," I breathe out, trying to steady myself. He looked me in the eyes once more, taking me in, and slowly running his fingers along my face.

"James," I say more firmly. "We can't do this, you're with Rachel. This isn't fair to her. You and I both know this was wrong." Oh, but how I wished it was right. What am I saying? This was a mistake and it shouldn't have happened. How could I be so selfish to let it happen?

"I'm sorry, I didn't think it through," he says not jumping away from me like I though he would. "I just couldn't do it any longer."

"Do what?"

"Tons of things. I couldn't keep stringing along Rachel to make you jealous. I couldn't keep wondering whether I've lost you to Dash. I couldn't keep pretending that I only wanted us to be just friends. I couldn't keep denying the fact that I fancy you. That I care deeply for you, Kal," he says softy.

Please, please, please don't say you're in love with me. It's only been a few weeks you couldn't possibly be in love with me. I wouldn't be able to say it back, and then that would be awkward.

He must have seen me look panicked, and chuckled, "Geez, Kal. I'm not professing my undying love for you. I'm just telling you everything I've been feeling since fifth year and it's not like you're making it any easier for me to say all of this to you."

"Fifth year? Is that so?" I raise my eyebrows in surprise. "I made much more progress than you did in 3 years. I only figured out I fancied you yesterday and I've already snogged you. So, I win."

"Oh, you fancy me, huh, Kal?That's why you avoided me yesterday? I guess you couldn't handle my sweet, yet awesome face," he says smugly.

I shove him away from me, sliding off his desk, "Yes, I've already made it extremely clear that I fancy you! You're such an arrogant prat!"

"Ah, but a very snoggable arrogant prat no doubt," his mouth curves into his signature smirk while leans in for a peck, but I turn away in time so he gets my cheek.

"No, no, no. We're not going to avoid the issue here, so stop distracting me," I say sternly though I can't seem to wipe that smile off my face. At least until my conscious creates images of Rachel crying and yelling; the possible aftermath of us continuing this. Even if I didn't know Rachel all that well, I still couldn't bear to purposely inflict that pain onto someone.

"Look," I begin. "I know we've already established our mutual affection however, we both know we can't act upon it. Especially with Rachel involved. To put it plainly, you used her. Then I helped you cheat on her," he nods as we both exchanged looks of guilt.

"I know. It was a horrible thing to do. I was going to break up with her, but I guess I couldn't bring myself to do it," he admits.

"Well, you're going to have to tell her the truth no matter what. And I think, for now, that-," I take long sigh before saying, "I believe we should just stay friends. Only friends."

He looked quite shocked but on the inside I'm sure he knew that this was the right thing to do. "If that is what you want, I'll respect that. But you're not getting rid of me that easily," he grinned.

I rolled my eyes and hugged him tightly. "Thank you," I whispered in his ear, taking in his comfortable warmth and the scent of fresh laundry.

Why did I suggest we stay friends instead of getting what I really wanted, a relationship with James? Perhaps I thought of it this way: If you could choose between birthing a baby during a war or after it, which world would you choose to bring your baby into? I know which world I would choose. I didn't want to start a relationship with James straight out of someone else's misfortune.

Maybe, one might say, that's just how life works. You apply for a job with 100 other people, but if you get it, you leave 99 people unemployed. You find 20 pounds on the street, someone else has lost the same amount. Is it better to be ignorant of someone else's loss so you can enjoy what you gain? I think it's better to help both people gain something, if you have the chance to.

I guess for Rachel- if James and I wait, she would gain closure. Compared to what I would gain, to what she'd gain it isn't exactly fair. But, there are two things that I learned from my relationship with my sister; the first being that no one can ever be satisfied.

Sure, I was comfortable with knowing that my sister overpowered me, but that didn't mean I was satisfied with where I was. Nor was she ever satisfied with never letting me live free of her wrath. Just as my sister and I, Rachel won't be satisfied (obviously) with James leaving her.

The second thing I learned from my relationship with Priya was how to wait. For Rachel, she needs wait for herself to move onto better things. For me, it used to be waiting until my sister let me out. It used to be waiting for her to go away. It used to be waiting for her to finally grow up and let her bullying subside.

And now? I've stopped waiting for my sister to change because I know that I'm the one that needs to change first.

And what about Potter? Well, if being with him means waiting for all the drama to die down first- then I'm willing to; because as we've established before:

I'm not ready to let you go, James.