Cold

Chapter 7- Face to Face

John walked into the infirmary slowly and quietly. It was almost dawn and there was a slight orange glow peering through a window; lighting up the room somewhat.

He stood in the far corner as his eyes drifted over the beds. Some were empty, the sheets smooth and tucked in precisely and some were full with healing patients. However to john, none of that mattered.

The only bed that mattered to him at the moment was the bed in the corner farthest from him. The bed that was cast mostly in shadows holding a restless Rodney Mckay.

He walked closer to Rodney's bed silently as he mentally prepared himself to get the cold shoulder.

Rodney was facing the wall, his form was completely still. John pulled up a seat and sat in silence. From where he was sitting it looked as if Rodney was dead to the world. For a moment john felt as if he was stuck in a picture.

Framed in time forever.

A loud scraping noise broke the stillness as john scooted closer to Rodney's bed. He winced at the noise and eyed Rodneys form as it stirred.

Johns mind screamed at him to leave and save himself the ear ache as Rodney started to turn around but his conscience would not let him leave. He took a deep breath as his gaze met Rodneys.

They held each others gaze in an uncomfortable silence and rest of the world seemed to melt away.

"r…rodney I think we should talk…" John finally brought himself to say as he cleared his throat, his eyes never leaving rodneys.

"Ya think?" Rodney added sarcastically with a bitter hinge as he sat up cross legged. He folded his hands in his lap and looked down at them.

"Look Rodney…I know sorry won't fix this…" John started only to be harshly cut off by Rodney as his eyes darted right to johns.

"Like hell it won't. Do you think you can just waltz in here, say "Sorry" and expect that to be that? Well that's not going to happen. I thought that you had enough brain cells to know when something got out of hand. OK I admit it already I made a MISTAKE! I know it nearly cost our lives but I was trying to make it better for all of us. It could have very well been the answer to defeating the wraith. However NO ONE can see that! All they fucking see is the mistake and the shell of a man it's left behind! Just because of this fucking mistake I've lost everything. My leadership position among the scientists, my confidence, my friends and worst of fucking all…your trust. I thought that you'd get over it…but no…you never did and now when you realize how much this fucking hurts me…you want to make amends?? Fuck that…get the fuck out of my face Colonel." Rodney said coldly as he stared straight into John's eyes.

John stared back in silent shock as somewhere in the deepest depths of his soul he felt something break. He held rodneys gaze until the angry scientist looked back down at his hands.

"Rodney…listen to me…before you strike me out…I know how I've been treating was shitty…and I just want you to know how sorry I really am. I understand you're mad and that words can never take back the betrayal you must've felt…but I just wanted you to know…" He said as he stood and started to walk away. He was by the middle row of beds before stopping, turning and walking right back to Rodney.

John took a heated breath, "You know what…no…I'm not going to let you ignore me…I know the reason you did this, "He takes Rodneys arm into his hand, the bandage glaring back up at him, "I know you did this because of me…not because of everything else but mostly of me…what I want to know is, if you've never cared about what people thought of you before…why am I the exception? There's gotta be a reason why you would want to end your fucking life because of a temporary lose of trust!!" He exclaimed as his hold on Rodneys arms got stronger.

Rodney tried to get his arm out of johns grasp, but the painful sting of stitches prevented from much movement, "Colone…john…please….just fucking go." He said quietly the fight in him drained as he looked into johns eyes, but john held strong.

"NO! not till you tell me…why do I matter so much to you? Why?" john demanded as he loomed closer to Rodney, their noses almost touching.

"John." Rodney attempted to say which came out as more of a whimper as he tried to shrink away from him, "I…I can't tell you…"

"Why the fuck not?!" john practically shouted his patience running thin. The nurses on watch looked up and made their way over to help calm the problem.

John ignored the nurses and kept his eyes on Rodney as if Rodney was the only person in the universe.

Part of john hated what he was doing, he hated to be the one to put the fearful look into Rodneys eyes or make the man he's grown to care for seem small and valuable.

"What do you want from me john? What do you want to hear?" Rodney asked his voice shaking slightly. Johns grip loosened on Rodneys arm as he backed up so he wouldn't get himself kicked out.

"I want to hear the truth…why do you care so much about what I think of you?" He asked his anger leaving him as he sat back down.

Rodney took a deep breath, 'Here it goes…time for truth' he thought to himself.

TBC-

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