a/n: Okay guys, first off I'm sorry for the delay in this chapter. I kind of got off track writing short fics about the last episode and needed to put some thought into the direction of this story. I hope you enjoyed the smut from the last chapter because now I put forth the angst. I promise it won't all be angsty but it is necessary right now. Thanks to everyone who commented and added this story to their alerts. I really appreciate it and thanks so much for reading!!!
Fic rating: T
Fic pairing: House/Wilson
Fic warnings: slash, spoiler for season 6 premier
Sequel to "Tell Me You Will Understand"
Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!
CHAPTER 6
House found himself unable to sleep after their middle of the night rendezvous; adrenaline and uncertainty still coursing through his veins. He made his way from the bed without waking Wilson and found refuge in the oversized leather chair that once held his hallucination of Amber. With the events of the previous day bombarding his mind, House sat silent, staring at his lover when a heartbreaking reality flooded over him.
He was going to be a father. A father to a child that he never thought he wanted but now feels a sense of pride, accomplishment, and outright fear toward. The reality of the situation hit him like a ton of bricks; Wilson didn't deserve to be put in the middle of this. He never mentioned wanting a child and the relationship had been hard enough on him already without adding House's indiscretions into the mix. House still wasn't sure if Wilson even wanted the relationship to continue in a traditional sense; were they just friends with benefits? As of late, it'd been looking more and more like that. House felt the hurt overtake him once the realization hit that he needed to let Wilson go. The one thing that he wanted more than anything; a relationship with Wilson needed to end to spare the younger man undue stress. He loved Wilson too much to expect him to deal with the uncertainty of his own sexuality along with the added pressure of helping to raise a child that wasn't his; a child that House was pretty sure he himself wanted.
As the night inched forward, so did House's thoughts. What could he truly offer Wilson anyway? He's one major crisis away from falling off the wagon and becoming the drug addicted bastard that nearly tore their friendship apart many times over the years; it's better this way, House thought. Wilson deserved more than a crazy middle aged crippled man. He deserved a young, beautiful, loving woman that would be there for him and make his life easier. I've never made his life easier…and I'm still not. I have to let him go. The irony of the situation was not lost on him. Before his breakdown, he wouldn't have hesitated to take advantage of his friend and allow him to stay in a situation that he knew would be too stressful. He would have told him to suck it up or leave. Now though, he just can't let it happen; he won't let it happen. House spent the rest of the early morning hours formulating his plan to rid Wilson from his life. Like ripping a band aid off, he thought.
The early morning sun poured in through the window on the far side of the room. Wilson blinked to allow his eyes to adjust from the peaceful state of sleep to wakefulness. He turned his head to find House staring at him from the chair and gave him a warm smile. Wilson's content feeling began to fade as he took in the stern look on House's face.
"Hey, did you sleep in the chair?" House's face didn't budge, not allowing Wilson to gauge the problem from looks alone.
"I actually didn't sleep." Wilson spun his legs to the side of the bed and sat up to face House. He attempted to place his hands on House's knees when House brushed them away.
"Don't." Confusion was written all over Wilson's face and it was breaking House's heart with each connection of eyes.
"Greg, what's wrong? Did something happen?"
Like ripping a band aid off. "Wilson, it's over; I can't do this anymore….I don't want this anymore."
Wilson's eyes went wide with shock, House could see the emotions flashing in the brown eyes he'd come to love.
"Wh..what? I…I don't understand. What about l..last night? You seemed happy with me…w..with us."
Oh God this is going to be harder than I thought. House stood up to break eye contact before he caved under the sadness that he created.
"You're not sure about your sexuality; this was a mistake to begin with. We never should have crossed that line Wilson. Were just friends; it's only a matter of time before you find some pretty damsel in distress to shower with your affections." House knew it was a low blow blaming it on Wilson but better for the situation if Wilson thought him to be the asshole that he felt he was.
"No, damn it House, I told you I'd work it out. You said you'd give me more time…." Something flashed in Wilson's eyes; some emotion that House couldn't place. "You son of a bitch; this has nothing to do with my issue. This has to do with you and Lydia. You want her don't you?" House knew that to be the furthest thing from the truth but to help his cause he latched onto it like a starving kitten to his mother.
"Well she is having my kid…" Wilson seethed with anger, "you bastard, everything you said to me last night about it being me that you wanted was nothing but a fucking lie. Why would I have ever thought you could change? It's always been about you and it always will be."
House kept his head high with his chin jutted betraying his true emotion of despair. "It's better you figured that out now before things really got fucked up."
Wilson fumbled around to dress and gather his belongings in a quick sweep of the room. "Asshole."
"Yeah, like that should be a surprise to you." Wilson made his way to the door but just as he was about to leave, he dropped his head and spoke quietly. "House…Greg…"
"Don't..it's over Wilson, just… go." Wilson made his way over to House and gently kissed him on the lips. "I don't regret it, I'm sorry that you do." With that Wilson left a stunned House standing in the middle of the living room as the door closed quietly behind him.
House felt like the wind had been knocked out of him; he just pushed away the most important person in his life and to make it worse said person thinks House doesn't want him. A feeling that House had never experienced before swept through his body causing him to lose his stamina and slide down the couch to the floor; ignoring the pain that flashed through his thigh. He shouldn't care so much; damn therapy and getting in touch with his emotions. It was so much easier when he was numb from the pills; body and mind. It's for the best; for his own good, he'll get over it and….so will I. House sat there for an interminable amount of time trying to convince himself of just that.
*****
Wilson wasn't sure how but he made it to his own apartment in one piece; the drive was a blur to him with his thoughts turned toward House and his words. On his way home he vaguely remembered leaving a stern message for Doctor Payne and asking her to call him back immediately upon receiving it.
Wilson entered the apartment that he'd spent so little time at since he and House's relationship escalated; he seemed at a loss as to what to do. House ended it. Just as he was coming to terms with coming out and declaring his devotion to the older man, he ended it. Wilson felt betrayed, stunned, and in a state of disbelief. How could he want her? He's only known her a short time. It can't be just about the baby. I'm missing something; but what?
Wilson was snapped from his thoughts by his phone ringing in his pocket. He scrambled to answer it before it clicked to voicemail, hoping it was House. Without checking the caller id, he flipped it open without regard. "Wilson."
"Doctor Wilson? This is Doctor Payne; your message sounded quite urgent, what can I help you with?"
For some reason the gentle and welcoming tone of her voice served to piss Wilson off even more than he already was. "What the hell kind of place are you running over there?"
Doctor Payne had a feeling that this was what Wilson was calling about; she tried to stay calm for both of their sakes. "I'm not sure I understand your question."
"Is it common practice to allow your patients free reign of the facility to go off and have sex whenever they want? Do you have orgies in the name of therapy?"
"Please Doctor Wilson, you need to calm down."
"Trust me, this is calm. Because of your carelessness you have a recovering addict suffering from depression in the position of becoming a father in the next few months. How could you and your staff allow him to sneak off and have sex while he was supposed to be recovering? Do you have any idea what this news could and will do to his recovery?"
"I can assure you Doctor Wilson that we are aware of the breach in our security and the problem is being addressed and will be dealt with."
Wilson could feel his blood beginning to boil. "Dealt with? What the hell is that supposed to mean? How is House going to be dealt with when he's forced into fatherhood over a decision he made while in a mental institution?"
Doctor Payne felt sympathy for Wilson but knew she was bound in regards to what she could share. She knew she told House she'd help him through this but couldn't share that information. "Doctor Wilson, I know you're angry and you have every right to be. Obviously we failed to protect one of our patients and I assure you that we are doing all we can to avoid this type of situation in the future, but I'm sure you realize that I can't share with you any information regarding my conversations with Greg."
"So, I'm assuming then he's spoken with you regarding this."
"I really am sorry, but I can't share that information with you."
Wilson sighed, knowing that he was taking his frustrations out on someone that had no control over his problems or the situation at hand, but he needed help and didn't know where to turn. "I know, I'm sorry for blowing up at you. I should know better than anyone that House does what he wants and you probably wouldn't have been able to stop him."
Doctor Payne felt a bit of relief at that so took the opportunity to see if she could help Wilson without breaking her code to House. "Doctor Wilson, are you okay? Is there something you'd like to talk about? I can't share my conversations with Greg with you but I'm here if you need to talk."
Wilson sat down on the couch and just stared blankly into space. He was mad about Mayfield failing House but at the same time he felt so alone and the woman was willing to listen. "He left me."
That bit of news took Doctor Payne by surprise. After her conversation with House the day before, she was under the impression that House wanted to stay with Wilson. She tried to keep her shock to herself. "Did he say why?"
"At first he tried to make me believe that he couldn't wait for me to work out my…problems and said our relationship was a mistake but I called him out on it and found out the real reason."
"Would you like to share that reason with me James?"
"He wants to be with Lydia…I guess to have the perfect little family. I don't know."
This was another unexpected development. "Is that what he said? That he wanted to be with Lydia and not you?"
"Not in so many words, but when I said it…you know, about Lydia, he didn't deny it."
"I see."
Wilson frowned at that. "What do you mean..I see? Did he say something to you about this? Never mind, of course you can't tell me if he did."
Doctor Payne actually felt sympathy for Wilson. She had a feeling as to why House did what he did just based on what he had told her at their last session but she couldn't share her thoughts on that. She needed to find a way to encourage Wilson in a roundabout way. "Do you love him?"
Wilson didn't even have to think about that; of course he did, more than anything. "Yes, but what difference does it make, obviously he doesn't feel the same way. Maybe he thought he did until Lydia came back into his life but it's clear that he wants to be with her and the baby now."
"What I'm going to say to you is not based on any information I've received from Greg. Consider it advice from one colleague to another. Sometimes people do things that they don't necessarily want to do because they think it is the best thing for someone else in the long run. Maybe they do something very hurtful because they think they're protecting the other person from further pain."
Wilson shook his head though he knew she couldn't see it. "I know where you're trying to go with this and you're wrong. House is not self sacrificing; he wouldn't do something to spare me from some unseen hurt. It's always been about him."
Doctor Payne actually got a bit angry over Wilson's dismissal of House's possible motives. "Doctor Wilson, I know you're angry with him over him leaving you but do you really believe what you just said? Because I can name at least one time that I'm aware of that he was very selfless when it came to you."
Of course Wilson knew she was right. House risked his life to save Amber's. He didn't do it for himself, he did it for Wilson. "No, the DBS, I know he did that for me but he wouldn't do this. He just doesn't want to be with me, he made it clear."
"Obviously you know him better than I do, but I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss everything he's said to you over the last few months; not if you love him."
Wilson sat silent for a moment. Could she be on to something or was she just trying to take light off her failures and try to feed him a line of shit to keep her on his good side? "I appreciate your time Doctor Payne; I'll take what you said into consideration."
"James, you love him. Remember that."
Wilson rubbed at the back of his neck. "Yeah, sure; thanks again…goodbye."
Wilson continued to sit on the couch going over what had happened since the night before. House explained to him how he and Lydia came to be and how he loved Wilson and not her. He thought about the hours spent making love in House's bed and waking up to House wanting him out of his life. Could Doctor Payne be right? No, House wouldn't put Wilson before his own feelings, or would he? How the hell was he going to figure this out? Wilson loved House; he wanted to be with him. Of course he still had his own issues that he wasn't ready to face but….no it doesn't matter. House wants Lydia so that's the end of it.
It's over, he said so himself; if the son of a bitch wants Lydia than there's nothing I can do but forget about the last few months and move on with my own life. If I'm good at anything, it's chasing a skirt into my bed to forget about my problems. Two can play at your game House.
TBC
a/n: So sorry about the angst, it's necessary to move the story forward. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and would love to know what you thought, so please tell me!!!
