This chapter and the following chapters will be written in third person narrator until otherwise indicated.


Once the metaphorical dust had metaphorically settled on the non-metaphoric situation of the night, the boys began to feel the gravity of it. Sure, the ball of dread that had been steadily growing since Sloan had begun messing with Steve's zipper had given them an idea of what she'd been through; but it was only an idea. Clint and Bucky had eventually rejoined Sloan and Steve on the couch, hoping to talk some of this through with her. Unfortunately, it seemed that Sloan wouldn't be leaving her headspace anytime soon.

It was around 8 at night when her stomach growled. She looked surprised by the noise and even more surprised to discover she had made it. Her reaction helped lighten the dark mood that had been steadily growing once the other Avengers had left.

"Food." Was her first word since she had gone silent in Steve's arms.

"Oh yeah? What kind?" Steve murmured in her ear, bringing a shy smile to her face.

"All of it." She answered.

"All of the food? You must have a super stomach if you're gonna eat all of the food," Bucky teased, enjoying the small giggle that she released.

"All of it!" She chirped again, punctuating her phrase with a clap of her hands.

"Well that would take awhile and it's getting rather late. What about…pizza?" Clint tried.

He didn't think she could ever look that excited again after seeing her so broken before.

"Yes!" She cheered.

Clint thought she was a woman after his own heart.

"Wait no,"

Clint thought maybe not.

"We have to get all of it," she said.

"Well duh," Clint supplied.

She gave him the cutest smile he'd ever seen.

Yep, I'm whipped. He thought.

"I gotta get up to order the pizza munchkin, wanna sit with Clint or Bucky?" Steve asked.

The look of panic on her face left the boys feeling like she was going to have another panic attack. It suddenly became evident to Clint that Sloan was a little who responded better to direction rather than choice.

"Come sit with me pipsqueak, Bucky and I can keep you company while Steve gets us food," Clint said.

She responded much more calmly to that.

"Okay papa," she clambered over to Clint.

Sloan settled on Clint's lap in a similar position to how she sat on Steve's, except this time she laid her head on Cint's right shoulder so she could also look at Bucky and Steve who stood in the kitchen with the phone to his ear. Clint placed a soft kiss on her temple and returned his attention to the 15th episode of whatever cartoon Sloan was enamored with.

Midway through the episode, Sloan reached up and stuck the tip of her thumb between her lips. None of them were sure what her headspace age was but they knew enough to realize that her thumb-sucking was a search for comfort. Clint wrapped his arm tighter around her and whispered a series of small praises into her ear, bringing a giggle and smile to her face.

Slowly her thumb left her mouth and Bucky made a note to take her shopping for comfort items. Right now everything was new and born out of unpredictable panic attacks but as time went on it became clear that Sloan spent a lot of time in her younger headspace. Discussing her likes and dislikes would have to come up in the next conversation.

To Bucky's surprise, he was brought out of his thoughts by a warm, wet, tentatively probing mouth latching onto his flesh and bone thumb. If the mouth had belonged to a non-head-spaced Sloan or a horny Clint or Steve then undoubtedly Bucky would've welcomed the spark running up his spine, but the mouth belonged to a very young Sloan seeking comfort from her daddy and the spark was wholly inappropriate. Bucky set aside the spark and moved closer to Clint to accommodate the little girl sucking his thumb like a pacifier. His metal hand reached over to brush some strands of hair off her forehead and for the first time in 4 days, Sloan looked at peace.

Even though Bucky thought Sloan looked beautiful always, it was obvious to him she was the most pretty this way; blissed out and infantile like.

.-.-.-.

The night was coming to a seemingly quiet end. Sloan had dozed off with Bucky's thumb in her mouth and Clint's lips on her temple but the alert from FRIDAY for the pizza had woken her. She wasn't young enough that she had to cry to express unhappiness, but it was evident from her -adorably- disgruntled pout that she'd rather be sleeping.

Halfway through dinner, the men realized Sloan hadn't touched her food and unease drifted around the living room.

"Sloan…are you hungry?" Steve asked.

She nodded.

"You're allowed to eat." Bucky encouraged.

The skeptical look in her expression created a small ball of dread in his stomach. She nodded again, slower this time, and slid off Clint's lap into the space between him and Bucky. Steve and Clint were more interested in the cartoon than Sloan – to Bucky's surprise- and didn't see the flash of fear that reflected in Sloan's eyes.

Bucky watched Sloan process her thoughts. If the ball of dread in his stomach wasn't growing as every minute passed he might find it cute. However, it wasn't cute and it had been 3 minutes since Steve asked if she was hungry and 2 since Bucky said she was allowed to eat.

"Can you move the plate?" She asked softly.

Her voice was still child-like, but the question was asked in a softer, pleading tone. Bucky looked down at his lap and slowly moved the plate.

She just wants to sit on your lap like she did with Clint. Don't be so paranoid Barnes. He told himself.

Once his plate was next to hers on the coffee table. She slowly leaned towards his crotch. The speed wasn't to tease, the speed was a result of fear and distaste. Her shaking fingers had already pulled the zipper of his pants half-way down before Bucky realized what was happening.

Bucky, upon this realization, was determined to make sure there was significantly less screaming and less panicking from Sloan.

Slowly, he pulled her fingers away and wrapped her hands around his flesh one.

"Sloan. No." He chided softly.

"B-but…I've been good! I cuddled and watched TV and I was quiet. I just wanna eat…" she does the one thing Bucky wanted to avoid, and panics.

Her hands shake harder and she fights as hard as she can against Bucky's hand but he doesn't budge. Her body is vibrating with tremors. The tears are front and center. Her throat is raw from screaming earlier but by god she just wants to eat. Why couldn't they just fucking let her do her job so she could eat!?

"You're allowed to eat," Bucky repeats slowly.

"Then let me do it!" She snaps.

Bucky doesn't know why he snapped. Maybe it was the anger he felt towards whoever fucked up Sloan. Or the guilt he felt for having to keep her from eating because he wasn't going to let her blow him so she could have her dinner.

"Do what? You can't even say it, Sloan!" Bucky snapped back.

"Buck-" Steve began.

"Just let me do it! I want to eat!" She cries.

"Then fucking eat!" He yelled, slamming his metal fist on the wooden coffee table.

It splintered with a loud crack. The crack echoed in a now silent apartment where now the only movement was 4 pairs of eyes dancing betwixt each other. Sloan slowly removes her hands from Bucky's and goes to the hem of her shirt. In a swift movement her top half is bared to the three men before her. She turns and kneels on the carpet so her upper torso is stretched across the couch.

Her back is littered with old scars.

"I'm sorry." She says.

Her voice isn't child-like anymore.

It's completely, unmistakably, adult.

An adult who the men have come to realize; is very, very broken.