Disclaimer: Don't own Kingdom Hearts or Above the Influence...this is probably my weirdest one yet.


"Hey, Xigbar!" Roxas exclaimed with a wave as he took a stroll around the Gray Room in his search for free items. For some reason, the other Organization members never had any use for the various healing items they picked up on their missions, and would always hand them out to him like Halloween candy. Or maybe they thought he'd need them since he was just a kid and couldn't take care of himself...

Those heartless jerks. Heartless, a pun! But, since Roxas also lacked a heart, he didn't see any reason to laugh or facepalm.

It was with this in mind that he approached the one-eyed man with the funny mannerisms. True, he had never asked Xigbar for potions before, but hey, it was worth a shot. Even Larxene had given him a freaking elixir once! "Do you have any potions?"

"I know what you're after, Roxas," Xigbar muttered knowingly.

Roxas smiled and gave a sigh of relief. "So you do have-"

"You're just like the others, huh, kid?" He grabbed Roxas by the collar of his Organization cloak. "Potions, elixirs, hi-potions...they're all code for pot! So, kid, you smoke? Don't look the type."

Roxas attempted to shut his gaping mouth, but to no avail. "What? Xigbar, no, never! I know that drugs are very, very bad for you! They make you sick, you get herpes, and then...YOU DIE."

Xigbar gasped dramatically. "You don't say! I should stop my terrible habits, but it is so difficult! If only I...Alright, alright," said Xigbar, stopping his monologue before it began. "Who wrote this commercial?"

Roxas frowned and pulled out his script. "Sora!" he groaned, guessing.

His Other glanced up from the nearby mini-fridge as he opened a can of Mountain Dew. "What? I may be sappy, but I don't write like that."

Vanitas facepalmed from the director's chair. "Alright, cut!" he consulted his own copy of the commercial script. "This commercial ends with Roxas and Xigbar going on a picnic while various people sing a unromantic rendition of "Something There That Wasn't Before" from Beauty and the Beast...Dear x-blade, this is the cheesiest thing I have ever read. What loser this crap?"

Not too far away, Leon sunk down in his seat guiltily, noticed only by Lexaeus, who decided not to comment.