The Darkness of My Mind

Loki stared into the darkness, counting the minutes until dawn. In the stillness, he could hear every drip of water, every creak of a distant floorboard, and it was slowly driving him mad. He had long since stopped trying to sleep; each time he closed his eyes, even just to blink, he saw Abaddon's faceless visage, staring at him without eyes.

But he was exhausted, and eventually his eyes drifted close without his consent. Loki found himself shackled to a table again, with Abaddon coming at him with that hooked knife angled at his face. Loki wriggled against his bonds, but then it wasn't shackles holding him down but Thor's arms clasped in an iron grip about his chest, pinning Loki's arms to his sides. Loki begged, pleaded, and raged at his brother to release him, but Thor remained still as stone, holding him in place as that knife filled his vision, and -!

Loki jerked awake just before having his eye ripped out.

He sat up and gulped in air, the sheets clinging to his sweat-slicked skin. His heart pounded in his ears. He needed air.

Loki shuffled to the edge of the bed and planted his feet on the floor, growling through the pain that rippled through recently dissected muscles. Leaning heavily on the wall, he limped his way towards the door, guided through the darkness by the strip of light that outlined the bottom of the door-frame. As he fumbled for the doorknob, he could almost feel the heavy stare of an eyeless face on his back.

Loki's breathing quickened again. Thor had killed Abaddon, hadn't he? Or had that been one of his fevered delusions?

He needed air.

He jostled the doorknob, but it was locked and would not give. Loki's heartbeat thudded in his ears. He wrenched harder and fumbled for his magic, but the words skittered away in the wake of his burgeoning panic.

"Calm down, you fool," Loki hissed to himself, letting his forehead thunk against the wood of the door. He tried to steady his breathing, but that eyeless face just...

Loki growled in frustration and kicked at the door, instantly regretting it when pain scattered like shrapnel through his leg. His knees buckled, and he slumped to the floor in a broken heap.

So weak.

Loki gritted his teeth and punched the floor in frustration, seeing stars as the broken bones in his hand ground together, but the pain – this painwas under his control and sharpened his frazzled senses. He punched the ground again.

And again.

He lost track of time until he felt a hand on his wrist and an arm wrapped about his chest. Loki snarled and kicked, but those hands were far stronger than he.

"Loki!"

Thor's voice penetrated the pain-filled fog of his brain, and Loki stilled and blinked, coming back to himself.

The door was open, pouring light into the room, and Loki could see for himself that there were no faceless demons hidden in the shadows. Loki looked down at his hand and saw that it was shaking hard and covered in blood, his index and middle fingers bent at an unnatural angle.

"Shit," he breathed.

Thor eased his grip and moved so that he was kneeling next to his brother, staring intently into his face. Loki glared back at him.

"Say one word, and I will kill you," he said.

Thor sighed and rose to his feet. "Stay there," he said, softly but with the weight of command. Thor's shadow blocked the light in the doorway for a moment before Loki heard his heavy footsteps echo down the corridor.

Loki doubted he could have moved if he wanted to. He stared down at his wreck of a hand and cradled it in his lap, morbidly fascinated but more than a little worried.

Thor returned moments later with a wet washcloth and some bandages. Without a word, he knelt in front of his brother and began washing the blood from his hand. Loki supposed he could do that himself, but he lacked the energy to be difficult. When Thor paused to give him a questioning look, Loki realized that his brother planned to reset the bones. His eyes widened.

"Thor," he said. "Wait!"

"On the count of three," Thor said. Loki tensed and closed his eyes. "One."

Loki's vision turned white, and he blurted out a few choice expletives as his fingers ground back into place.

"Did you forget how to count?" Loki shrieked, his voice an octave higher than usual.

Thor smirked as he wound the bandages around Loki's torn knuckles. Loki watched him guardedly, expecting the lecture or probing questions to come spilling out of Thor any moment. Instead, Thor remained suspiciously silent, though he gave Loki a lingering look after he released his hand.

Thor rose to his feet, and Loki stared after him. "What?" Thor asked, grinning.

"That's it?" Loki blurted.

"What do you mean?" Thor looked genuinely puzzled.

"No lecture? No 'stop acting like an idiot, Loki'?"

Thor arched an amused eyebrow. "I'm too tired for the lecture," he replied. "But yes, you really should stop acting like an idiot."

Loki frowned down at the floor.

"Come," Thor said. He bent down and scooped Loki off the floor, carrying him bridal style towards the bed.

"Ack!" Loki flailed and swatted at his brother's arms. "I don't need you to carry me like some sort of swooning wench!"

"Then stop acting like one."

Loki huffed and folded his arms across his chest, scowling into space. Thor dumped his brother unceremoniously into the middle of the bed and then sat at its edge, bending to unlace his boots.

"Scoot over," Thor said over his shoulder.

"Pardon?" Loki asked, brow furrowed in confusion.

"I'm tired," Thor sighed, "but I can't leave you alone for five minutes without you damaging something, so scoot over. The bed's big enough for five, so I think we can share."

"Do you often have five people in your bed?" Loki asked.

"My bed's not this big."

Loki smirked, silently approving of the sarcastic response. Still, he was not sure how he felt about all this. Distantly, he felt relieved by the idea. The thought of Thor being nearby to fend off his demons was comforting, maybe even enough to keep his nightmares at bay, but that level of clinginess sickened him. That did not mean he wanted Thor to leave, however. Not that he really wanted to admit that to himself.

"Just don't hog the covers," Loki said at length, burrowing into the sheets and turning so his back was to Thor.

"Deal."

The bed dipped behind him as Thor stretched out along the far end of the bed, and Loki half feared that the bed would capsize under his weight. Loki kicked him when he started to snore.

Eventually Loki's eyes drifted close and slipped back into sleep. He still saw Abaddon behind his eyelids, but Thor's hand on his shoulder shook him awake each time he started to sink into another nightmare. Sometime in the middle of the night, Thor rolled over in his sleep and ended up half crushing Loki under his snoring dead weight. Loki considered kicking him again only to think better of it, huffing and shaking his head but ultimately getting comfortable and falling back asleep.

He had no more nightmares for the rest of the night.