The Truth May Hurt
"Meredith, I-"
"Derek! I want to know!" Meredith protested.
"I don't know." Derek murmured.
"Stop saying excuses, you do know, that's why you're avoiding all this!" Meredith said.
"If I was to choose, I would choose Addison." Derek said quietly, looking at Meredith.
Meredith stepped away from him, feeling like he had insulted her. In a way, he had. He had chosen Addison over her.
"Why?" Meredith whispered.
"Because she is my wife," Derek answered. "And I am going to be there for her."
Meredith didn't want to look at him. She couldn't bring herself to look at him. This was different than seeing him with Addison. He was admitting to the fact that he wanted to be with her, and not Meredith.
Derek looked at her, with those eyes she loved to look at, and how she loved his smile. She felt like he had used her like scrap. And thrown her away because he wanted to be with Addison. Used scrap. That was what she felt like. And hungover.
Now there would be no more meetings in the elevator, no more intense, passionate looks or sweaty kissing. Their relationship had ended. It had just….ended. It was just. Over.
"Meredith, I'm sorry." Derek reached out to touch her arm. Meredith didn't want to be near him. She turned and walked off down the corridor.
"Meredith!" Derek called.
Meredith walked to Natalie's room and flicked through her charts, trying to keep her mind occupied. If she stopped to think about Derek, the pain would start again and she wouldn't' be able to take her mind off him. She just had to pretend that none of it had happened.
"Hi Dr Grey." Natalie smiled.
"Hi." Meredith said. She hung the chart back on the bed and walked over to Natalie.
"I'm going to ring your parents, and then you can go home." Meredith said.
"What about checking with Dr Shepherd?" Natalie asked. At the mention of Derek's name Meredith felt that pain, having broken up with Derek. The pain at knowing that she would never be able to kiss him again, or hold him. They would just be - friends. She couldn't pretend all of that never happened anymore.
"I don't need to check with him." Meredith snapped.
"Do you two have a problem or something?" Natalie asked.
"Not anymore." Meredith said quickly. She recovered from thinking of Derek and decided to focus on dealing with her patient.
"I'll go and call your parents. Dr Bailey will fill out the charts."
"Okay." Natalie nodded.
Meredith left the room after taking Natalie's chart and walked down the corridor to the phone.
She flicked to Natalie's contact details and dialled her parents. After a brief talk with them to let them know that Natalie was ready to go home, Meredith hung up and walked back to Natalie.
"Your parents are coming now." Meredith smiled.
"Thank you Meredith," Natalie smiled. "I hope you and Dr Shepherd sort out your problems."
Meredith smiled slightly and left the room, the pain and everything that had taken place earlier rushing back to her. Her problems with Derek couldn't be sort out. She hurried down the corridor and checked her pager. Now that her patient was dismissed, she wanted to find something else to do before she would get chosen to do sutures, or worse.
"Meredith."
Derek walked up to her.
"I discharged Natalie," Meredith said coldly. "She's fine now. She's going home today."
"Thanks for doing that for me, did you give Dr Bailey her charts?" Derek smiled. Meredith didn't look at him.
"I didn't do it for you Dr Shepherd," Meredith said quietly. "And you can give Dr Bailey the charts."
"Dr Shepherd?" Derek frowned.
"I'm not going to be nice to you," Meredith stated. "I'm not going to pretend that you choosing Addison never happened. I understand. She's your wife, and you're committed."
"Meredith!" Derek sighed.
"How can I be nice to you?" Meredith cried. "You chose Addison over me! So I hope you're happy Dr Shepherd!"
Meredith turned and walked away from him. She kept walking, and took the stairs instead of the elevator.
"Grey!" Bailey walked up to her as she exited the stairs.
"Yes?"
"I've been looking for someone to get the lab reports." Bailey said.
"Oh, well, um I have-" Meredith began.
"You have discharged your patient, so you have time!" Bailey snapped. "And you will be using that time to collect lab reports!"
"But-" Meredith said. She didn't want to do lab reports. Anything but that.
"Don't come complaining to me! Now get to it!" Bailey said, annoyed at the look Meredith was giving her.
"I'm hungover." Meredith admitted.
"Hungover enough to not be working? Hungover enough to not be discharging patients without telling me first and giving me the charts? Hungover enough to not spend the rest of the day doing lab reports?" Bailey shook her head and walked off as Meredith stared after her.
She didn't feel like doing lab reports. She didn't feel like doing anything but lying down and wallowing in her thoughts of Derek. She was broken. Derek wasn't going to be with her anymore, he wouldn't be in her future. He was going to be with Addison. Used scrap.
Meredith sighed and walked over to the reception desk.
"Lab reports?" Meredith asked dully, perhaps if she sounded dull enough the nurse would notice her hangover and make her go home.
"Here you go, Dr Grey." the nurse passed her a few clipboards. Obviously she noticed Meredith's state, and simply didn't care. Meredith took the clipboards and walked as slow as she could to the first room to collect lab reports for the next few hours.
"Derek!" Addison looked up and smiled. Derek walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder.
"Hey," Derek smiled. "I feel like we haven't been doing anything, or communicating that well. Do you want to go for a walk, away from the trailer tonight? I can take you out somewhere."
"Derek!" Addison laughed, smiling happily. "What's started this?"
"I've just been thinking," Derek replied. "About our future. And I want to make our marriage work. I've put what happened between you and Mark behind me, and you can put what happened with me and Meredith behind you."
"Okay, I can do that." Addison looked at Derek. She was surprised at how Derek was suddenly giving her more attention than usual. But she was happy with that. Derek embraced her and smiled.
"How about we go to a restaurant?" Derek suggested. Addison pulled away and smiled.
"Sounds good." Addison leaned over and kissed Derek on the lips.
"I'll talk to you tonight." Derek smiled. Addison smiled at him and walked down the corridor.
Derek turned and walked to his current patient's room, Laura Reed, the patient who he had removed the glass from her stomach.
"Laura. How are feeling?" Derek smiled as he picked up her chart.
"I'm tired, and bored," Laura sighed. "I really want to see my boyfriend."
"Well, I'm sure you will be able to see him when you've recovered." Derek said. Cristina stepped into the room. Derek acknowledged her, pleased that she had gotten his page.
"Cristina, could you administer the antibiotics for Laura?" Derek asked. "She has recurring pain from the surgery, and will need antibiotics administered every two hours."
"Oh yay." Laura muttered.
"Dr Shepherd," Cristina spoke as Derek was about to leave the room. "Why is Meredith upset? Did you say something to her?"
"I did." Derek said quietly. "But not now, Cristina. Not in front of our patient."
"She's heartbroken Derek." Cristina said. Derek glanced at her, feeling terrible at how Meredith was feeling.
"I'm staying with Addy, Cristina." Derek said. "I'm sure you can understand that."
"I do understand that." Cristina said quietly.
Derek turned and left the room, considering seeing Meredith. But she wouldn't want to talk to him. He had chosen Addison and he was going to try and make his relationship with her work. He didn't want to break up their marriage.
