My potted plant informed me that actually she owned Doctor Who. I asked her if she lived in an alternate reality. She confirmed this.
"This is Torchwood agent Rose Tyler." Well, not anymore, but what did the Foamasi know? "I'm calling the Foamasi fleet."
Nothing. Well, that was to be expected, Rose thought. Time for larger guns, then.
"This is Rose Tyler calling the Foamasi fleet. I'm speaking in behalf of Earth. Reveal your intentions. Otherwise we will recognize you as hostile and react in accordance with Article Thirty-Three of the Shadow Proclamation." If she remembered correctly Article Thirty-Three allowed a nuclear first strike as a means of self-defence under certain circumstances. That should really wake them up, given what Romana had told her about the Foamasi's history.
Suddenly the speaker crackled and then a hoarse voice commanded, "Surrender your planet, human." Rose rolled her eyes. How could it be even more cliché than that?
Turning to Romana, she said, "Contact established. Let's land the TARDIS, then."
Romana worked the controls while Rose turned to the speaker to reply, "Oh, really. Why should we do that?"
"Surrender or we will destroy your planet."
Who wrote the scripts for these alien invasions, Rose wondered not for the first time. Couldn't they get at least a bit creative? She really had come to understand the Doctor's reaction to 'It's bigger on the inside' in the last few years. On the other hand, that was her opportunity to go all Doctor on them and distract them with extensive babbling.
"Come on, you lot. Is there nothing else you have to say? It's really getting boring, you know. All these alien invasions and we only get, 'Surrender or we will destroy your planet' or some or another version of 'Resistance is futile'." Thanks to Mickey she had a sound knowledge of Star Trek citations which used to confuse her Torchwood colleagues to no end as there was no Star Trek in this universe.
"You will surrender or we will destroy you."
"As I said. Boring. Besides, this is a Level-Five-planet. Therefore invasions are illegal."
"You can't stop us. We will take your planet." In the meantime Romana had switched the last lever and the TARDIS started to materialize.
"Oh, you think I can't? Ever heard of that family from Clom?" In this universe it had actually been a family business from Raxacoricofallapatorius's twin planet that had tried to sell out Earth in a closing sale. "Sorted that out myself." And this time she had made sure she got all of them. No Margaret Blaine incident that would inevitably lead to losing her first Doctor. She had finally discovered the last aliens in the shoe department of Harrod's. A bit of threatening with acetic acid and they had given up. The trial had been held in accordance with British law and the charges had been attempted mass murder and membership in a criminal organization. They even had had a duty solicitor. And now they spent the rest of their lives in cosy little cells in the Torchwood tower.
"You won't stand a chance against us. Surrender and a few of you might actually survive." The Foamasi sounded a bit like a scratched record.
"Oh boy, if someone had given me ten quid for every time I heard something like that I would be a multi-millionaire by now. Wait, I am a multi-millionaire." Unfortunately all-too-true.
"What?"
Okay, so the 'Confuse the invaders' part of the plan worked. She signalled Romana to continue with step two.
"Mind, I can't even count how many attempted to invade Earth occurred within the last – say – twenty years. There were Sycorax, Cybermen, Jagaroth..." Rose counted more than a dozen further species while she watched Romana leaving the TARDIS; then she turned her attention back to the conversation with the Foamasi. She had to buy Romana time.
~o~o~o~
Romana left the TARDIS, closed the door behind her and entered into a crowded cargo bay. The TARDIS had landed in one corner of the cave-like room. Carefully she made her way along a narrow corridor formed by long rows of metal boxes towards the door on the other side. Turning around she could see that without the perception filter her TARDIS would have stood out like a horse on a space station. Glancing around she somehow got the feeling that the cargo bay didn't look as it should be. Nothing special she could put her finger on, but still...
Shrugging the feeling off she finally reached the door. There was a computer screen next to it asking for a password. It definitely couldn't hurt to investigate a little first, she thought. It might actually save her time later. She really wished she had K-9 with her. Unfortunately he had stopped working when she had left E-Space and entered this universe. Although she had expected this it had been a shock. Not like the one she had experienced earlier today when Rose had told her about Gallifrey, but K-9 had been a companion for more than two hundred years.
Romana dragged her sonic screwdriver out of her burgundy red coat and pointed at the screen. The main menu showed. She selected a section that was likely to contain the ship's construction plans. Navigation was located next to the observation deck. She quickly memorized its location and the shortest way from there to the engine room at the stern of the ship. Once more she got the feeling that there was something she was missing, but again she couldn't put her finger on it.
With the help of her sonic screwdriver she slowly opened the door to the main corridor and turned right to get to the navigation centre. She quickly followed the corridor until she had almost reached her destination. Out of a sudden she turned around in a swift movement, as a reaction to the feeling that someone had been watching her. But all she could see was an empty corridor. Finally she shrugged her shoulders and continued in her original direction although she still had the nagging feeling that something was wrong.
Eventually Romana reached the door to the navigation centre. According to the information she got from the computer terminal earlier the room was empty. As she had told Rose before, the Foamasi didn't do much long-distance space travel. Therefore would everyone who knew about deep space navigation be a high ranking officer. And all of those would be on the bridge by now, listening to their commander dealing with a certain human who tried to be as pesky as possible to buy her time. So far everything had gone according to plan. In addition, she had been relatively certain that the Foamasi had already found out about the lack of space ships with the ability for long distance travel on Earth. Therefore they wouldn't expect any intruders.
She turned to the electronic lock at the door and pulled her sonic screwdriver out of her coat pocket when she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. 'Damn,' Romana thought.
Yeah, I know I'm evil. But the situation just begged for a cliffhanger... Let me know what you think *waves another big lamp post*
