The meeting was long and tiring. Jon Snow's head was obviously somewhere else. They made some sort of strategy, but no one knew how they would defeat the wight dragon. The talk about its destruction had upset Daenerys. Which made the talk even less productive. At one point she left and Jon Snow went after her. Jaime took this as his queue that he could leave too and so he did. He rushed to his chambers and thought.
He could do it. At least he could try. After all, he was the least valuable of them all. It wouldn't matter much if he died. And if he were to succeed, at least he would die doing something that could possibly redeem him at least a little bit. He smiled to himself. Then he heard a knock on the door.
"Jaime, it's me."
He opened the door. There she stood. Jaime invited Brienne to come in. When he turned around after closing the door, he saw her looking at him intensely.
"What are you planning?"
He sighed. He suspected she might have seen through him. Somehow she had the ability to understand him better than anyone. Still, he had no intention of telling her his plan.
"To kill as many of these dead creatures as I can."
She shook her head and stepped closer to him.
"It's not just that. I know you."
He sighed and closed his eyes.
"Brienne…"
"Why did you charge at Daenerys and her dragon?"
He should've known she would bug him about this. So he told her what he told Bronn.
"I thought if I killed her, the war would end then and there and thousands of lives would've been spared."
"And did you think you would've lived to see it? There was a bloody dragon between you and her."
Jaime refused to look her in the eyes. Instead, he stared at his stump.
"What are you implying?"
"I know how you were after you lost your hand. I remember how you tried to starve yourself to death. If you wanted to die after losing a hand, what about after losing your father, practically your brother too, and your children?"
He closed his eyes. Why? Why did she have to do it now?
"Brienne…"
"Look at me!" she yelled.
Jaime lifted his eyes to meet hers. He was angrier than he had ever seen her.
"Tell me the truth. You wanted to die, didn't you?"
He wouldn't lie to her. He couldn't. So he took a deep breath and told her the truth.
"What was there to live for? I thought that at least this way, my death could do some good, it could save so many lives."
Brienne looked at him. She was trembling. Her eyes were filled with so many emotions Jaime couldn't quite name them. Before he could see it coming, she slapped him. Hard. He looked at her, his cheek burning from her slap.
"You are an idiot, Jaime Lannister. An absolute fool."
She turned to leave, but he grabbed her wrist and she faced him again.
"Brienne, don't be mad."
Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes were watery as she yelled at him.
"How can I not be? You are suicidal. You don't appreciate your life. You don't appreciate the fact that there are people who would mourn you. And I am sure that now, you are planning something similar. It is not heroic, Jaime. It is bloody stupid!"
After that, Brienne left and slammed the door, leaving him alone with his thoughts.
Hours turned to days and before they knew it, one week had passed. Jaime hadn't told anyone about his plan. He knew better. He kept it to himself.
Everyone was preparing for the fight. He helped Brienne with the training of those eligible to fight. But she wasn't speaking to him. She avoided him at any cost. She pretended he didn't exist unless she had to address him when they were training the lads. And that hurt him more than he could bear.
Realizing his feelings for her, understanding them, accepting them, it changed everything for him. He longed for her more than ever. And this distance, her cold attitude was killing him. He tried to talk to her many times, but she never let him.
It was one of the numerous training sessions. He was sparring with one of the Dothraki, while Brienne was training a boy no older than four and ten. Beside her, Bronn was working with a clumsy young lad. He was consumed with his fight with the Dothraki soldier when he heard Brienne hiss. He turned to her immediately. She was bleeding. All other thought left his mind, as he rushed to her side.
"Brienne! What happened?"
"The boy Bronn trained with. We were standing too close. The sword flew from his hand and nicked my neck. It's nothing."
Jaime could see where the sword had touched her. It was right next to the scar the bear had left her with.
"It's not. Let's go, I will clean it."
She kept averting his gaze.
"No, I will do it myself."
In that moment, Jaime grabbed her chin gently and turned her to face him. His eyes met hers.
"Stop being so damn stubborn! Shut up and let's go."
She stared at him for a while, and then she nodded. Jaime helped her to get up and they headed to her room. They walked in silence till their reached her door and got in. He lit the fire and closed the window. Brienne stood next to her bed, her back to him. He grabbed some water and a clean cloth.
"Remove your armor."
Jaime turned away to give her some privacy, even though he longed to look at her. But he knew she was nervous and respected it. They had seen each other naked years ago, but it was different back then. He could hear the sound of her armor touching the floor. He turned to her. She was now sat on her bed, in her undergarments. She was staring at her hands in her lap. Jaime stepped closer and stood in front of her. He took a closer look at the wound. It was small and superficial, and it had stopped bleeding already. The drained blood contrasted with her white skin and left a trace that led to the scar from the bear's claws. Seeing those wounds, the old and the new one, reminded him she was vulnerable. Jaime wanted nothing more than to protect her, to never let her be hurt again.
He touched the wound with the wet cloth. Brienne didn't even flinch.
"Does it hurt?"
"I've had much worse."
She kept looking away. She was shy and nervous, he knew it. She felt ugly and weak. God, how he wished he could make her realize she was wrong. He gently cleaned the wound and looked at her.
"When I heard and saw you bleeding, I… I was terrified."
"It's just a scratch." She said quietly.
"But next time it can be more. I don't want to see you get hurt. I can't…"
His voice was soft and trembling, his hand was slightly shaking. She finally turned to face him. Her sapphire eyes met his green once and he felt like she saw right through him, like her eyes pierced him.
"And how do you think I felt when I realized you were basically trying to get yourself killed? Knowing you are planning something similar even now?"
She got up and rushed to the other side of the room.
"Brienne…" he said, going after her.
"Don't! Leave!"
But he couldn't.
Instead, Jaime gently grabbed her shoulder her and turned her to face him.
"I can't. I could never leave you."
She was looking at him, her eyes were full of tears.
"Why would you say that?"
"Because I love you."
They were both shaking. Jaime hadn't planned on telling her how he felt, but being so close to her, knowing soon they could both be dead, he couldn't die before telling her the truth.
Brienne shook her head and tried to pull away from him.
"Don't mock me! You could never love me."
He knew why she couldn't believe him. All those that had mocked her, called her names, himself included, they made her think no man could fall for her. All of them, they had made her unable to really see herself.
Jaime put his hand on her cheek and caressed her. Brienne looked at him, her eyes filled with tears. He gently smiled.
"But I do. I've loved you for so long. I was just stupid enough not to realize it."
She closed her eyes and put her hand over his on her cheek and whispered.
"Jaime, don't… Please, don't do this to me. Don't say things you don't mean."
He had to make her believe him. He had to make her understand why he loved her.
"Brienne, I know what you think of yourself, thanks to all those who offended you and mocked you, myself included. I will regret the way I treated you till my last breath. I know you think no man can love you. But you are so wrong. I… Once I told you that we don't choose who we love. And that is the truth. But even if I could choose, I'd still choose to love you."
They looked at each other for a long moment. And then she leaned in and kissed him.
Kissing Brienne was nothing like kissing Cersei. His sister's kisses had been demanding, claiming, they had screamed 'I want'. Brienne's kiss was tender, full of love and devotion. It whispered 'I'm yours'.
When they pulled back and he looked into her beautiful sapphire eyes, Jaime knew. He just knew that he had always been meant to meet her, love her.
'I love you, too. I always have.' Brienne tenderly whispered.
A feeling filled his whole being. Something he realized he had never felt before. Happiness.
Jaime leaned in and kissed her again. Her lips were sweet and warm. His hand went from her cheek to her neck, then gently brushed the scar on her shoulder. Brienne's hand found its way through his hair and pulled him even closer. When they pulled away to catch a breath, she smiled. A real smile, happy smile. She had never been so beautiful.
Brienne took a step back and stood in front of him, staring into his eyes. Then she pulled her undershirt over her head and took off her breeches. Jaime stared at her naked form. Her white skin, her lean legs, her flat stomach, her tender breasts. He wanted her. Gods, he wanted her. But he couldn't just take her.
"Brienne, you don't have to. I can wait. I love you."
She stepped forward and stood just a breath away from him.
"I've waited long enough. I've loved you for years but never hoped of you ever looking at me that way. We may die any day now. I won't waste another moment."
And then she kissed him again. And Jaime could not fight his love and his desire for her any longer. He kissed her back passionately. He caressed every inch of her body that he could. Now he missed his hand more than ever. Slowly, they found themselves on the edge of her bed. Brienne started to remove his armor. Her hands were shaking, and Jaime knew why she was nervous. He grabbed her hands and she looked at his eyes.
'Don't. Don't ever think you are doing something wrong. You are perfect.'
He kissed her again as she continued to undress him. Soon enough, they were both bare in front of each other. Jaime slowly and gently laid her on the bed as he kissed her. His hand went up her leg, her side until he reached her breast and caressed it. She softly moaned against his mouth. He then started kissing her neck, her collarbones. He went down and in a second his lips were on her other breast. He wanted to kiss every inch of her body, to taste and touch all of her. She responded to his every touch, and he knew she wanted him just as much as he wanted her. He kissed her stomach, her tights, he caressed her neck, her breasts. He savored every little touch. His kisses slowly traced back up till he reached her lips again. He pulled away from the kiss to look into her eyes again. Gods, he loved her.
"Are you sure?"
She kissed him softly and then whispered a soft but certain 'yes'.
When their bodies connected, he felt her flinch as she dug her nails into his shoulders. He hated the thought of her hurting, even in this way. He kissed her, trying to put everything he felt for her in this kiss – love, passion, admiration, protectiveness. He didn't move until he felt her relax. He looked her in the eyes and whispered
'I love you.'
She softly smiled and replied.
'As I love you'
And then she nodded. He started moving slowly. He didn't want to cause her any more pain. When she started to encourage him and move with him, when he heard a soft moan, Jaime almost lost his mind. Making love to her was unlike anything he had ever experienced. For the first time in his life, he felt whole. And it was the best feeling in the world.
After they made love, he embraced her in his arms, and she laid her head on his chest. When Brienne drifted off to sleep, Jaime looked at her for a long time.
Now, he had a reason. Not to fight. But to make it out alive.
