I was in an angsty mood when I started this...then I started eating hash browns and I was cheered up considerably. You can totally tell, too.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bloodlines. I do own the hash browns that I just ate which is good enough for me.


Prompt 7: Love Me Bad by James Durbin

And in the middle of the night

When I feel you by my side

Well it's nothing but a memory

What if we never said goodbye

If I never made you cry

Baby this is killing me


One of the many strange things about the human—or, in this case, vampire—psyche, is that is clings to the terrible memories whereas the good ones slip away so easily. Adrian Ivashkov had a lot of bad memories to remember, but there were two in particular that stood out clearly.

The most obvious one to those who knew him was when he confronted Rose and she told him he thought of himself as a victim. That had burned, but not nearly as much as his first experience with being told the cold hard truth that he didn't want to hear by a woman he loved.

He had been twelve at the time, a clear sign that he was doomed for failure. His parents had sat him down in the living room, preparing for their lecture on why it was wrong that Adrian had broken into their liquor cabinet and sold their best alcohol at school for something a bit more hard-core. They didn't get that far.

"You don't have a sense of right and wrong, do you?" his mother said abruptly. The words didn't seem terrible, and her voice was calm, but for some reason, it struck Adrian harder than anything else might have. Several years later, he figured it out. He was drunk at the time, but true genius always comes when people aren't paying as much attention to the current moment as they should be.

It was the line of right and wrong that made people better than mere beasts, Adrian had decided poetically. And his own mother had accused him of not even having that much. It might have been a comment long forgotten if it weren't for the fact that Adrian couldn't help but think that her accusation might have a solid point. At the very best, it could be said that Adrian had a sense of right and wrong—he just didn't care.

Now, as Adrian stared across the room at the small figure seated on his couch, the words came rushing back to him.

You don't have a sense of right and wrong, do you?

Obviously not.

He had once called Sydney Sage a Puritan. Or at least said she had a Puritan life style and didn't deserve a life of misery. He was ruining that right now. With his mind. Because he didn't think about Sydney in the white-light halo way she deserved.

Oh, he didn't always think about how she would look tangled in his sheets with her fair hair disheveled and her amber eyes glazed over. Sometimes he just...thought about her. About what she was doing, what she was thinking, what she was feeling. Sometimes his thoughts were almost completely of an innocent nature, but the very fact that he thought about her ruined her. He thought about her because he loved her.

And his love was bad. It was wrong. Not just because she was a human, or because she the purest soul he'd ever met, but because Adrian himself simply didn't deserve to love her. He didn't deserve to want her to love him too.

You don't have a sense of right and wrong, do you?

If he did, he would have the sense to stop his thoughts. It wasn't just for him, or even for Sydney. It was for Jailbait. He knew he was making her miserable. She had never spoken to him about it, but he found the truth in the looks she shot him sometimes when she thought he wasn't looking.

"Adrian?"

And now Sydney was looking at him with concern glinting in her eyes. This only pushed him farther down in the depth of his guilt.

"Isn't it past curfew, Sage?" he replied. It was true.

"I don't feel like going back." The words were so unlike her, so rebellious. But then again, maybe they were both changing. Character development, Adrian thought to himself. But he wasn't sure if he liked what he was developing into.

Adrian had never been one to bask in guilt. Self-pity? Yes. Self-loathing over tarnishing the sheer goodness of someone else? Most definitely not. He wanted to throw himself on his knees before Sydney and plead for her forgiveness. But then she would probably forgive him—either that or hire a psycho European hit man to cut out one of his eyes—and he would only feel that much worse. And yet his usual flippant personality took over and he waltzed over to where Sydney sat and collapsed beside her.

"Are we throwing a slumber party?" Adrian asked. "That sounds like fun. We can do each other's nails and then have a slow-motion pillow fight in our pajamas."

Flashes of Sydney in nothing but one of his shirts teased him. He fought to urge to smack himself and say, "Bad vampire!"

You don't have a sense of right and wrong, do you?

Adrian wondered if what he was doing qualified as victimizing himself. It probably did. Maybe he should stop. Maybe he should think happy thoughts. Or maybe he should wonder why Sydney Sage was breaking school rules.

"What's the reason behind your new attitude, Sage?"

Sydney bit her lip and studied Adrian for a moment.

"It's not really a new attitude," she said. There was another long pause. "I'm just worried about you." This might have spiked Adrian's temper once. It didn't anymore. Now it just made him feel worse.

"There's nothing to be worried about," Adrian assured her.

Nothing except for the fact that I'm tainting your immortal soul or whatever. Nothing except for the fact that I think about you naked on occasionlike right now. Nothing except the fact that I love you and it's terrible. For your immortal soul, I mean. I don't mind it so much, despite the angsty internal rants it sends me into. They make for good art anyway.

"Jill says you're sad," Sydney said, the words coming out awkwardly as if she wasn't sure how to phrase them and they were falling past her lips without consent.

"So you think a Degrassi marathon is going to cheer me up?"

"A what?"

Adrian shook his head. "You aren't missing out," he said. "Much. There's definitely something enthralling about Canadian teenage drama, but things just haven't been the same since season 9."

"Right," said Sydney, clearly trying to find her ground again. "Well, like I said, I want to...help you." Adrian smiled dryly, recalling some of her words from so long ago, a time when things were so much easier.

"I thought it wasn't your job to take care of me," he said. "I thought I was an adult."

Sydney let out a sound of frustration. "Can't you just accept the fact that I want to help you without arguing with me?"

You don't have a sense of right and wrong, do you?

How could he possibly explain that this was him trying to do the right thing? He could never fix what he'd done wrong by falling for Sydney in the first place, but he could try and stop himself from making things worse. Because he was pretty sure his feelings weren't one-sided and that tortured him just as much as it freed him.

"No," Adrian said. "That would make things too easy for you."

"I guess you're right," Sydney sighed, wrapping her hands around her knees as she pulled them up to her chest. He really wanted to kiss her.

"Of course I am," said Adrian. Suddenly, Sydney laughed and shook her head. She looked at him, her eyes blazing with warmth. They looked like lamp lights, guiding him to a home he hadn't ever known, but he wanted to so very desperately. Oh yes, Sydney cared about him. She might even love him. This time, when he closed his eyes, he wondered what Sydney might look like if she was pregnant with his child. His eyes snapped back open. He had just crossed a major line. Sydney almost seemed to know it, too. She didn't react in the way she should have.

"What are you thinking about?" Sydney asked. Adrian immediately began to think up a lie. But what good would it do? If he was honest with her, maybe she would get up and walk out. It would do irreparable damage to whatever strange relationship they currently had, but would that really be such a bad thing? It might save Sydney. It might save both of them.

You don't have a sense of right and wrong, do you?

Better late than never.

"I was wondering what you would look like if you were pregnant with a half-vampire baby." Adding that the baby was his in particular didn't seem necessary. Even someone who was as confused by the lack of logic in social cues as Sydney wouldn't have a hard time figuring out the implication. Adrian was pretty sure it was written all over his face anyway. Besides, this was something that had been long time coming, Adrian reasoned with himself. And there was always the slight chance that Sydney might think that this was an episode of temporary insanity brought on by spirit.

He studied her face, fascinated in the most twisted way by range of emotions that flitted back and forth. There was a little bit of fear and a whole lot of surprise. Some curiosity along with anticipation. When she finally spoke, her face was entirely neutral.

"I'd probably look exactly the same as I would if I was carrying any kind of baby," she said with astounding calmness.

"I think you would look a little bit afraid," Adrian told her.

"Is that what you really think?" What kind of cliché therapist question was that?

"No. Well, kind of." Realistically the answer was yes, but in the fantasy that had yet to fade, Sydney wasn't afraid at all. She looked even happier than she had when Adrian presented her with a copy of some book with ridiculously advanced chemical equations for her to do in her spare time. And she had been pretty happy then.

As Sydney bit her lip again, lost in thought, Adrian wondered if she was thinking along the same lines as he was—the very fact that they were talking about this was insane. Suddenly, Sydney let out a soft sigh and leaned against Adrian, her eyes closed.

"It would never work, you know," she said. "You and me. No matter how much we wish it would, it just…wouldn't."

We. It was such a magical would when used in this context. But all the same...

"I know," Adrian said dutifully.

"I mean, we could always run off with the Keepers," Sydney mused. "But that would require a lot of manual labor."

"And these hands still haven't gone much farther than using pine cleaner on the floor and counters," Adrian said, slightly amused. "You know, I can't believe you didn't tell me you use pine cleaner on wood."

"How'd you find out?"

"Internet. It's a glorious thing."

Silence fell and somberness was its companion. There really was no solution to their predicament. Nothing truly workable anyway.

"I can't lose you, Sage," Adrian said abruptly.

You don't have a sense of right and wrong, do you?

"I know," Sydney said quietly. "Don't worry."

Right," said Adrian. "Because that's your job. To worry."

"Exactly," Sydney said wisely.

You don't have a sense of right and wrong, do you?

The words haunted him. And that was partially why, in his darkened apartment—knowing full well that he was bringing disaster down upon them both—he kissed her gently.

Maybe he didn't know right from wrong, but Adrian was sure that if he scoured the Internet, he could find a quote pronouncing that right and wrong had nothing to do with love whatsoever.


Jill buried her face in her hands, exasperated.

"Jill?" Eddie asked. "You okay?" Jill looked at the dhampir and resisted the urge to make a face at him.

Yes, Eddie, I'm fan-freaking-tastic. I don't know if you were aware of this or not, but I've always wanted to vicariously make out with Sydney Sage and I'm having the time of my life right now.

"I'm great," Jill said tightly. "Never better."

"You know, Sydney ought to be back from Adrian's apartment by now," Eddie mused. "I wonder if they're okay."

"Oh, I'm sure they're just fine," Jill assured him even as she tried to cleanse her mind of the adorably timid, almost curious way that Sydney's lips pressed against hers—except she wasn't kissing Sydney. Adrian was kissing Sydney and he was really, really enjoying it, even though the angst of not knowing how much damage this was going to do was killing him.

Ugh.

Jill was almost equally conflicted. She was happy for the two of them and she was relieved that the anticipation was over. She had known that something like this was going to happen for a while and the suspense had been exhausting. On the other hand, she was also annoyed by the fact that Sydney and Adrian were still being so dramatic about the whole thing. Couldn't they just live in the damn moment and be happy? Apparently not. And pushing all these complicated emotions aside, Jill was still grossed out at the fact that she was partially in Adrian's head right now.

For all that Sydney had once chewed out Adrian for forcing Jill to witness his sex life...how hypocritical.

"They're making little dhampir babies, aren't they?" Angeline said sagely. "That's good. They're both such weaklings it would be helpful for them to have an army of warrior children to protect them."

Eddie spluttered out some incoherent words, before going off into a tirade about how things were different here than they were with the Keepers and Angeline needed to learn that before she said something that really offended someone.

How ironic, Jill thought dryly. Slowly, she found herself being pulled back into Adrian's head and cringed.

Double ugh!

"Jill!"

Jerked back into her own head, Jill found herself gazing into a set of clear hazel eyes. For a reason she couldn't quite understand, she found herself wanting to throw herself into Eddie's arms, right then and there. She assumed it was because half of her was still with Adrian, so Jill forced the desire away. A flicker of something strange danced across Eddie's features and she wondered if he had read her emotions before she wiped them away. She hoped not. That would be awkward.

"Yeah?" Jill said, swallowing.

"It's past curfew," Eddie said slowly. "Do you know where Sydney and Adrian are?"

They're on their way toas Angeline so eloquently put itmaking little dhampir babies, so don't you worry your guardian head, Eddie.

"I have no clue," Jill lied without hesitation. Poor Eddie. Angeline and her stories of life with the Keepers had blown his mind and Jill had a feeling he wouldn't take this new development with Sydney and Adrian very gracefully. Of course, she could be wrong, but she didn't want to risk it.

"You sure? Because you got that look that you always get when you go into Adrian's head." Eddie looked worried. "Is Adrian getting Sydney into trouble?"

Define "trouble."

"Of course not!" Jill said indignantly. "Why do you always assume it's Adrian's fault anyway?"

"Because it usually is," Angeline said with all her usual tact. Jill eyed her two dhampir friends. If they only understood...

But they didn't. They couldn't comprehend the depth of Adrian's feelings for Sydney, how determined he was to take care of her, to shield her from the things that terrified her—even if he himself was one of those things. He just wanted to make her happy. He loved her, no matter how bad he thought it might be.

You don't have a sense of right and wrong, do you?

"I've got to go do something," Jill said abruptly. She stood up and all but ran back to her and Angeline's dorm room. She slammed the door behind her and threw herself onto her bed. She reached for the computer she kept stashed under it and pulled it up onto her lap. It was still on, she noticed. Crap. But there was still enough battery in it for her to complete her task. She opened the search engine and after a moment of thought to try and figure out how to word her question, her fingers were dancing across the keyboard.

Jill received a lot of useless suggestions, but finally found a promising site. She clicked on it and scrolled down the page until she found something akin to what she wanted. It wasnt anything close to what Adrian wanted, but Jill figured that she could say it to his face and maybe he would stop his stupid, whiney, Edward Cullen-esque bitching:

"The aim of love is to love: no more, and no less."

-Oscar Wilde.


I actually found that quote in a book. I owe this chapter to pink n pretty barbie. After reading the update of her awesomesauce story, I was pondering about something totally random...and then I told myself, "You know what? You're being lazy. It's time for a kiss." So...there it is. And now I've done it.