Author's Note: Sorry this one took longer than all the others. It was a combination of a busy week and my struggle to write out this idea. The thought came to me quickly, but writing it seemed to be harder for me to manage. So, I hope it turned out well, despite my difficulties. Also, thank you so much for all your kind reviews. You know who you are. I'd like to reply to each and thank you personally, but-then again-people are sometimes bothered by such things. So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart and every other part of it. Your kind words have been wonderful. Enjoy! And review if you can.
To add, a reader suggested that I put a trigger warning on this chapter, as it's very depressing and does refer to death and certain violence. I don't want people to walk into something they weren't expecting, so I'm putting the warning on this to be safe.
One more thing! Nearing Midnight has pointed out the correct spelling of Frerin (of which I'm embarrassed to say I've been spelling wrong!), and I've gone through and changed it to the right spelling. Thank you, Nearing Midnight, for helping me in my many struggles!
CHAPTER 7
Fili's eyes slowly opened. For a moment, he couldn't understand why he was awake; his body was so tired after chasing Kili for hours in a never ending game of tag. As his senses grew in strength, he understood what it was that had woken him.
Mum and Uncle were arguing. It was the first time he'd heard mother's voice so angry. Uncle's own voice was low and quiet, an apologetic hint to its tone.
Fili climbed out of bed, listening to the quiet breathing of his brother. He smiled as he watched Kili's face for a moment, the smooth brush of slumber over his young features. He was growing to be such a wonderful dwarf, Fili thought. But he was still so innocent and sweet. It was best to go alone this time.
Safely abandoning his brother to investigate, he snuck out of his bedroom, closing the door quietly upon his exit. He could hear a little more clearly now, being able to actually feel his mother's rage. He slipped silently towards the living room, hiding in the shadows as he watched the argument.
"Dis, you cannot deny that they need to learn." Thorin implored, his eyes telling his own story. Uncle wasn't angry, he was concerned.
"I will not let you teach my boys how to kill things, Thorin. Not now, they're too young." Dis hissed angrily, her face twisted in something beyond rage.
"I began my training when I was but Kili's age. You know this." Thorin replied with a sigh. "The Blue Mountains aren't indestructible and I want to be sure that they are safe and that you are safe also."
"I am safe, Thorin. Perhaps you've forgotten, but mother taught me how to use the sword too."
Thorin let out a heavy breath, rubbing his eyes.
"Dis, this isn't killing. I'll merely prepare them for when they need the skills. I believe Kili is a bit too young, but Fili is old enough. I'm not taking them to battle; I'm just teaching them how to defend themselves. I—"
"I will not allow it, Thorin. They are too young for battle. Don't you recall that it was battle that took my husband?" Dis said firmly. Thorin's eyes darkened, memories of the past moving like shadows within them.
"I do, Dis. And I think, of all people, your husband would've understood my reasoning."
Dis stiffened.
"What is that supposed to mean?" she demanded.
"You cannot protect them forever, Dis." Thorin's eyes softened, pools of love in the firelight.
"How dare you, Thorin." Dis spat. "How dare you use my husband to get your way!"
"I did not mean that, Dis, I'm—"
"Do not speak to me, Thorin. Do not even try to justify your words. How dare you imply that my husband should've had better training!" she screamed.
"I did not mean that, Dis. I merely meant—"
"YOU ARE NO BROTHER OF MINE!" Dis screamed, tears gathering ferociously in her eyes. Fili flinched as his uncle stepped back from his mother. If Kili was sleeping, he wasn't anymore.
"Dis, I…"
"Don't speak to me, Thorin. You have no say in what my children will learn and when they learn it. They are my children and I will not let them follow you into battle like so many others. I won't let them die beside you like all the others!" Dis shouted angrily, salty water pouring down her cheeks. Fili gasped, looking at his uncle. Thorin looked stricken, his expression stunned as if Dis had shoved an icicle through his heart.
"Dis, you don't really…" Thorin huffed, his breathing heavy as if he'd been punched in the chest.
"Everyone that fights alongside you is dead, Thorin! Fili and Kili will not learn to fight just to be another soldier in your army! I will not let you take them like you took my husband!"
Fili covered his mouth, watching the color drain from his uncle's face. Thorin's gaze faltered from his sister's, watching the floor as if he hoped it would provide answers. His shoulders dropped, his eyes grew misty and cold and every bit of warmth and happiness fled his demeanor.
"I'm sorry, Dis. I…I didn't mean to hurt you." Thorin croaked. Dis's expression was full of fire, unrelenting and merciless. "I…" Thorin went quiet, then shook his head. "Forget I said anything." His whisper was broken and small, sending a shiver through Fili's soul.
Fili couldn't believe what he was seeing; he prayed it was only a nightmare. How could his mother have been so unkind to her uncle? Were they not kin? Surely, Uncle didn't mean to offend her. Uncle would never hurt her on purpose. She had to see that, didn't she?
"I want you out of my house, Thorin." Dis snarled, forcing Fili to shrink further into the shadows.
Thorin looked up at his sister, every ounce of his pain settled on his face.
"Yes, sister. I will be gone before morning." he whispered. Dis huffed angrily, storming past her brother. With a beat of fear, Fili peeled himself off the wall and soundlessly sprinted to his bedroom. He safely made it inside before he heard his mother's furious footsteps stomping down the hall's other end. She slammed her door and Fili nearly wept as he realized his uncle was alone.
"Fili?" Kili whispered fearfully from the bed. He was getting older and more aware, his voice having a more intelligent edge with every year he aged. "What's going on?"
Fili sighed, and listened intently as Uncle's footsteps padded quietly in the night.
"Mum and Uncle were fighting." he whispered, his heart aching as he heard Uncle's door close with a soft thump of wood. He wanted to be there with Uncle, to beg him not to leave.
"About what?" Kili asked, sounding terrified. Fili made his way to the bed, climbing on the mattress to embrace his brother.
"He wanted to teach us how to fight, I think." Fili replied. "But mum got angry and now Uncle's moving out."
"Why?" Kili demanded, his whisper harsh and hoarse. Fili hugged his brother tighter.
"He mentioned dad. Something about dad wanting us to learn and she…she said terrible things, Kili. She said terrible things to Uncle. I think she hurt him." Fili replied mournfully, staring at the moon outside their window. Kili began to sniffle beside him, quiet sobs flitting around the room.
"But he can't go, Fili." Kili hiccupped. "What if he doesn't come back?"
Fili's eyes summoned tears of their own.
"I don't think he will be coming back, Kili. I don't think we'll see him anymore."
With a heavy gasp of a sob to come, Kili stuffed his face into his brother's shoulder, letting out a loud cry of grief. He shook his head against Fili, continuing to cry without any words. It was just raw, exposed emotion.
Fili felt hot tears stream down his face as he suppressed cries of his own. His tears thickened when he vaguely heard the thump of the front door opening and closing.
Uncle was gone for good.
Breakfast was cold and gray. Fili and Kili couldn't help but stare at Uncle's seat, hiding their gaze when their mother looked their way. When they weren't mourning the emptiness of the chair before them, they were watching Dis, trying to read her mood.
"Mum, where's Uncle?" Kili asked innocently, his face hiding the sadness he felt in his gut.
"Gone." she replied firmly.
"Where did he go?" Fili asked, joining his brother in the investigation.
"Away." came the reply. It was clipped and clean, lacking the remorse the boys hoped would be there.
"Is he coming back?" Kili's voice was surprisingly calm, considering how much grief swirled in his heart.
"No, Kili. Put Uncle out of your mind. You will not see him again." she admonished quietly. "Eat your breakfast." Kili immediately went silent, focusing on his food. Fili continued to watch her, afraid to speak.
A knock on the door merely increased the tension in the room.
Dis dropped the spoon she was cleaning to answer the door, pausing briefly before pulling it open. She sighed with relief when she saw Dwalin there.
"Dwalin, good morning." she greeted, a tight smile gracing her lips. "Shouldn't you be at the forge?" Fili and Kili grimaced at the mention of the forge.
"I was, lass. But I was wondering why Thorin was not there with me. Is he ill?" Dwalin asked, concern weaved into each word.
"I cannot say. He moved out last night." she answered, leaving out all the bitter details. Dwalin's expression darkened immediately.
"May I ask why?" he muttered, glancing at the dwarflings in the kitchen. Fili and Kili only spared him a glance, suddenly finding their food very interesting.
The last Dwalin had heard, Thorin would be living with Dis for a very long time. It had put peace in his heart knowing that his king had someone to look after him. Needless to say, that peace was gone, replaced by dread and the sour feeling that something had gone very wrong.
"It is a private matter." Dis answered with a polite upturn of her lips. Dwalin gave her a curt nod, his frown deepening.
"Thank you, Dis. I apologize for interrupting your morning." he grumbled, bowing shallowly and turning to walk down the path. Dis closed the door, her expression dropping immediately. She returned to cleaning her dishes without a word.
Fili and Kili wanted Uncle back.
Dwalin marched up to Thorin's old house, his anger having built up on his walk over. He had known Thorin and Dis for a very long time. Both were passionate, but in their own ways. Thorin was much quieter and more calm, but Dis had a fire in her that was dangerous to poke at. If there had been any kind of feud, he was certain Dis was the one to have thrown his king out of the house. Or, she would at least have driven Thorin to volunteer his own absence.
He rapped on the door, something telling him that he wouldn't get an answer. With a sigh, he turned the knob and pushed his way into the house. The innards held only dust and gray light, confessing to just how long the home had been abandoned. Not that it was splendid back when Thorin had lived there. Thorin was not too interested in creating a cozy place for himself. He probably didn't see any reason to.
"Thorin?" Dwalin called, venturing inside. Only silence replied. He looked around, his eyes falling on a still form crouched in the shadows.
Thorin sat in the corner, staring blankly at the floor. However, his eyes were clouded with something Dwalin recognized: the bad memories that often plagued his king in the silence and the dark.
"Thorin." Dwalin sighed, crouching down to look properly at the dwarf before him. Thorin didn't look at him, but Dwalin knew Thorin could hear him. Dwalin dropped to sit in front of his friend and cousin, taking a deep breath.
The hush dragged on, overwhelming in the empty house. Dwalin was patient, only watching Thorin and waiting for him to speak. There was no rush. But he was still pleased when he heard the rusty voice of his king.
"She told me that I killed them." Thorin whispered, his brow quirking with something of confusion and disbelief. "That I killed her husband and the rest of them."
Dwalin breathed in a cooling gulp of air to calm the immediate spark of anger.
"Maybe she's right." Thorin continued, sinking further into the corner. "Frerin followed me into battle and was lost."
"She was not right, Thorin. It was not your fault that they fell. It was not right for her to say such things to you." Dwalin growled. "I was there and it was out of your control."
"Dis has never said such things to me before." Thorin mourned, rubbing his eyes. "You did not see the hate in her eyes, Dwalin."
Dwalin sighed heavily, staring at the floor with Thorin.
"All I can see is their sightless eyes." Thorin muttered. "So many of those I fought alongside lost their lives…there were so many among the dead, it felt like we had lost."
Dwalin nodded solemnly.
"I remember, Thorin." he muttered gruffly.
"Dis will never forgive me."
Dwalin pulled air through his nose, trying to contain the frustration he had with Dis. She had touched things that she did not understand. She had accused his king, blinded by anger. It was easy for Dis to get lost in her rage. But it did not excuse her.
There was nothing to justify what she had done.
Dis was doing some needlework when Fili approached her quietly.
"Mum, I want to talk to you." he announced bravely. "About Uncle."
Dis stopped and looked at him. With a sigh, she set her needlework aside.
"What is it, Fili?" she asked softly, already constructing an argument in her head. Fili fidgeted a little and then straightened courageously.
"I saw you last night."
Her brain came to a grinding halt as she stared at her son.
"What?"
Fili shifted a little, his gaze still connected to hers.
"I heard you yelling and I came out to see what was happening. I saw you arguing." he confessed, taking another few steps towards his mother. "I heard what you said to Uncle."
Dis stayed silent, not quite knowing what to say. She could tell that Fili was hoping she would reply, but no words came to mind. Her little boy had seen her wrath. It certainly explained his fear in facing her.
"He didn't mean to hurt you, mum. You must know that." Fili said quietly, stepping closer as he settled a hand on her knee. "I know Uncle loves you. I think you know that too."
Dis merely gaped at him, unable to properly arrange her thoughts. Fili was trying to convince her to forgive Thorin, but how could she kindly reject him? Fili loved his Uncle. He wanted him home.
"Fili said you hurt Uncle."
Dis looked past her eldest to see Kili standing quietly on the opposite end of the room. His eyes were full of overwhelming sadness, soft brown orbs meeting hers. Dis's gaze returned to her eldest as he gently patted her knee.
"He looked so sad, mum." Fili explained, tears pooling in his pale eyes. "I've never seen Uncle so hurt."
Kili ran towards her, slowing as he came to her lap and placed his own hands over one of hers. His expression was one of chastisement, aimed at his own mother. Dis's heart fluttered sorrowfully at the sight.
"Uncle told me brothers are supposed to take care of each other and not fight. I think sisters are supposed to do the same thing. Especially since Uncle Frerin isn't here anymore." Kili explained with a firm tone in his young voice.
Frerin's name felt like a punch to her gut. How could she not realize? How could she say those things to Thorin? Every tale he breathed about Frerin and every mention of their brother's name was spoken with respect and love and a subtle grief that only showed in Thorin's eyes. The boys knew how important Frerin had been to their Uncle, just as she did. How could she have forgotten? How could she have forgotten the anguish in his eyes after the battle? Frerin's death had reduced Thorin to a mere shadow of himself and he hadn't been the same since.
And yet she'd accused him of being the reason Frerin was dead.
She had been so focused on her husband's memory that she'd forgotten herself. She'd been so angry that she didn't see. Now that she thought about it, it was such an absurd thought. The guilt tore at her heart as she realized what she said. How could she have even implied such a thing? She had just been so upset and his comment about her husband had only fueled the fire. She knew that Thorin loved her husband and would've done anything to protect him. He treated him like a brother and respected him. He would not have tarnished his name intentionally.
How could she be so stupid?
Thorin had been so selfless for as long as she could remember. Everything he'd done had been for someone else. She'd implied that he was being selfish; that his intentions to teach her sons had been purely for his own gain. Oh, how she hated herself for what she had said. She had been the selfish one. She'd been the one that wanted her way and took away her brother's happiness.
She'd banished him from the only haven he had left.
"Oh, my boys." she wept, pulling them into a tight hug. "We must go find Uncle. We must get him back."
Dwalin growled when he heard a knock at the door. He knew who it was. Dis would come to her senses sooner or later, but he had to admit that this was sooner than he expected. He'd predicted a few days, perhaps even more.
He glanced at Thorin in the corner. His king hadn't moved an inch and the floor had become his absolute focus. He'd fallen into silence long ago and had not said a word since.
Dwalin opened the door a crack to peek out. As he suspected, Dis stood shamefaced on the doorstep.
"I've come to apologize." she whispered. Fili and Kili stood beside her, each holding on to one of her hands. Dwalin scowled.
"You've gone too far, Dis. You meddled with something you didn't understand." he snarled. Dis didn't respond, merely swallowing nervously. Dwalin looked back at Thorin before slipping out of the door and shutting it behind him. He allowed himself a minute to stare coldly at his distant cousin. Her silence continued.
Dwalin crouched down to look at Fili and Kili.
"Boys, your mother and I need to have a talk. Perhaps you should go play by that tree over there." His words were kind, but both dwarflings knew Mr. Dwalin was upset. He was angry with their mother and they were sure they didn't want to be there for that argument.
"Let's go, Kili." Fili urged, pulling his brother away to leave the two adults.
Dwalin waited until they were at a safe distance before he stood and turned to Dis.
"I know you came to apologize, but you need to understand." he hissed. "Thorin was young when he fought for Moria and he saw many great and terrible things."
Dis gulped as she faced Dwalin's anger. He was highly protective of Thorin, as she was of her sons. But she deserved it. What a child she had been.
"Many of our friends fell in that battle. Most of the blood on our bodies were not our own. Thorin and I fought alongside our brothers. We were not afraid, but we could not deny the pain of watching so many dwarves fall. Thorin felt it sharper than most, being the heir that loved his people beyond words.
"Frerin also lost his life in that battle. He died right there beside Thorin. Thorin's grief pushed him to fight harder, to exact vengeance on their enemies. But when there was nothing left to fight, he was nothing, Dis. You did not see him as I did. For many hours, Thorin held your brother close and refused to move. He cried as if he were experiencing the worst pain Middle Earth has ever seen. He was tortured, Dis. He could not eat or sleep for several days and every time Frerin's name was spoken, it was like his heart had been broken all over again. Every time he closes his eyes, all he sees is that battlefield, littered with the bodies of the dead with Frerin among them.
"Perhaps you are bitter that your husband has returned to the stone. I understand that. But remember that Thorin loved him as his kin. When he fell, Thorin held him until his very last breath. As a brother and a son, Thorin has experienced much pain and grief. As a king, he has suffered much more."
Dwalin stared at Dis with hard eyes.
"I want you to remember that. I want you to imagine him surrounded by corpses of our friends and our brothers, screaming Frerin's name like his heart had been ripped from his flesh. I want you to think of that the next time you accuse him of something as horrid has having led great dwarves to their deaths. Then you will know that it's a lie."
Dis wiped at the tears in her eyes, her heart clenching in her chest. She hadn't known such things. Thorin had never told her. She'd understood that he was grieving when he returned and she knew that he was hurting. But, Thorin had always tried to keep his sorrow to himself, staying true to solemnity if he had to show it. Tears pricked her eyes at the very thought of his cries, knowing that his heart may have very well been ripped from his chest.
He had lost his best friend after all.
"May I see him now, Dwalin?" she mumbled, a hint of emotion strangling her voice.
Dwalin watched her for a long time.
"You may, lass. I hope you will make better progress than I." he muttered, opening the door to allow her in. A pang of worry rippled through her chest, wondering what kind of state her insults had left her brother.
"Thank you, Dwalin. For everything." she whispered, nodding her head a little in gratitude. He returned her nod with a shallow bow, gesturing for her to enter. She squared her shoulders and wandered inside, the front door closing behind her. Dwalin had not followed.
She looked around the room, frowning at the dreariness. Her eyes reached a corner to the left, startling her as she beheld Thorin slumped brokenly against the wall.
Her heart plummeted into the pit of her stomach.
She hadn't realized how much her words had hurt him, especially because he seemed so strong all the time. What was she thinking? Of course she knew they would hurt him. That's why she'd said them, to get back at him and show him who was really in control. But was it really worth being in control when you had to shatter someone to get there?
No, it really wasn't.
"Thorin?" she mumbled, venturing closer to him. Part of her knew he'd been there since last night, but the other part wasn't willing to believe it. "Thorin, look at me."
Her brother's eyes shifted to see hers, but they immediately dropped to the floor.
"You did not need to come, Dis. I won't bother you anymore."
Dis chest heaved as he she tried to quell her emotional turmoil. She kneeled in front of her brother, watching him with apologetic eyes.
"No, brother. I was wrong to say those things; I have come to apologize."
Thorin looked back up to her.
"Thorin, I did not think. I acted rashly and…" The tears swelled in her eyes, her voice suddenly wild with emotion. "…and I'm so sorry."
Looking into his face now, she could see a glimpse of the pain he had to live with. It was terrifying, the burden he had to bear. When he lived with them, he seemed so happy. It wasn't often that he'd retreat into the dark recesses of his mind and face those terrors his memory had preserved. He'd been smiling. He'd been resting properly with a lighter heart.
He'd been truly happy.
And she'd ruined all that in one instant.
"Thorin," she choked, the sobs threatening to break through. "please…please come home. I'm sorry, brother. I'm so sorry." She anxiously rubbed at her eyes, trying to shoo away the watery streams.
Thorin dropped his gaze, his eyes clouded with grief.
"No, Dis. It is I who should apologize. It was wrong of me to suggest teaching Fili and Kili the art of battle and it was worse of me to disrespect your husband's name."
Dis shook her head, reaching out to grab his hand.
"No, Thorin, you were right. I cannot protect my sons forever." Her hands shook as her gaze connected with her brother's. "Besides, they are your heirs and it is only right that they learn. Truly, brother, I would be honored to have them fight beside you. You three should never be apart, and I've pushed you away from them."
Thorin shook his head, looking up at Dis with a determined stare.
"Dis, you should not agree to this if you don't want to. I do not want to force you."
"Brother…I want this. You have sacrificed so much…" Dis paused as she struggled to keep collected. Her heart was bursting with guilt and an overwhelming love for her brother. She could not measure how much he had forfeited for the benefit of others. "You have sacrificed so much for our family and for our people. You bear too much alone. Fili and Kili want to help you, even now when they're too young to do much. I was selfish, thinking of my own grief that I forgot about yours. Nor did I think of what my own boys would want."
Dis looked long and hard into Thorin's eyes.
"I know Fili and Kili would be thrilled to be able to fight beside their uncle and I don't think there's anything more honorable they could do."
Thorin gazed at his sister steadily, almost as if he were waiting for something. Perhaps for Dis to change her mind. Perhaps for nothing at all.
"Brother, you were not the reason for the death of my husband, nor were you the reason Frerin fell. You are not responsible for such terrible things and it was wrong of me to even suggest it. You have done nothing but good, Thorin. Such evil was not your doing."
Thorin cast his stare back to the floor, following the grain of the hardwood with care. He didn't need to say anything for her to know he'd forgiven her. He'd always forgiven her. In truth, he probably never blamed her. But she at least wanted some words out of him. Dis sighed at his lack of response, moving to sit beside Thorin with her back against the wall. She leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder.
"I wish you'd tell me what's going on in that head of yours." she whispered. The silence continued, reminding her just how much he didn't say. A smile touched her lips when she felt Thorin rest his head against hers.
"No one should ever wish that." he replied sorrowfully. Dis frowned, snuggling closer to her brother. It had been so long since she had sat with Thorin like this. She thought she'd outgrown it, but now knew that she never would.
"I want to know, brother. I wish you would tell me instead of keeping it locked up in there." Dis confessed. "I want to listen."
Thorin let out a heavy rush of air.
"You've always been curious." he hummed. Dis smiled.
"Tell me, brother. Please, tell me what goes on in that head of yours."
Thorin was silent for a moment, staring at the cobwebs by the door.
"I often wonder…" He paused for a moment, thoughtful and quiet. "…what Frerin would say to me now. Sometimes, I think of what father or grandfather would say, if they had the chance."
Dis fondly thought of her kin that had gone before them.
"They would say that they are proud of you. They'd say that you've grown to be a wonderful king for our people." Dis replied, tears nipping her eyes as she remembered the wise voices from her youth. "And then Frerin would lean close and whisper…that you need more sun, because you're starting to look like a little dwarfling girl."
Dis grinned when a warm rumble of laughter rolled from her brother.
"He would say that, wouldn't he?" he chuckled, Dis joining with laughter of her own.
They sat together in silence, merely enjoying each other's company. It was like when they were young and Frerin had fallen asleep on the rug. Dis remembered snuggling up to her eldest brother, basking in the warmth of the fire. Sometimes, he would tell her stories or sing her to sleep, but she didn't mind the moments of silence they shared.
"Thank you," Thorin mumbled, kissing the top of her head. "for everything, Dis. I couldn't have asked for a better sister."
Tears bubbled in Dis's eyes. Typical Thorin. After she'd put him through such grief and even abandonment, he still thanked her for being a wonderful sister. He still loved her like nothing had ever happened.
"You are a great dwarf, Thorin Oakenshield." she whispered. "One of the greatest I will ever know." Dis could nearly feel her brother's smile, softly lighting up the room.
"If the offer still stands, I would like to come home. But only if you're comfortable with me being there." Thorin said, humble and polite.
Dis lifted her head to look fully at her brother.
"I would be honored to have you home again." she replied. "And the boys would be excited beyond belief."
Thorin smiled and gently pressed his forehead against hers.
"Let's go home." he whispered.
Thorin was sitting in front of the fire, watching the flames as his thoughts rolled around his head. He was the last one awake, finding peace after settling back into his room. Dis had hesitated leaving him alone, but he finally convinced her to retire when she could barely keep her eyes open. He knew that she felt guilty, but he wished she would let it go. After all their decades together, she still didn't understand. No matter what she did or said, he wouldn't hate her. He couldn't hate her.
But it was Dis after all. She had a good heart and a healthy conscience. He wouldn't trade that love of hers for anything, even if it would put a stopper to all that unnecessary guilt she felt.
Thorin stiffened at the sound of quick footsteps, small and soft. He quickly relaxed when he saw Fili and Kili peering out from the hallway. They had climbed over him for hours before bed, chattering about how they knew he'd come back. They had such faith; Thorin wished he could be so sure of the unsure.
"What are you two doing out of bed?" he asked kindly, holding out his arms to welcome them into his embrace. Giggling, they ran into his arms, snuggling into their uncle as he lifted them onto his lap. They were getting too big for this now, but Thorin would allow it for as long as he was able.
"We wanted to make sure you were still here." Kili confessed, smiling innocently at his uncle.
"We don't want you to leave again." Fili added, a coat of moisture in his eyes. "We really missed you."
Thorin smiled, pulling them closer.
"I missed you too." he replied, his voice low and quiet.
Kili immediately burrowed into his uncle's hold, finding warmth against Thorin's chest. Fili watched with fondness, then looked up at the older dwarf.
"Uncle," he mumbled. His gaze was unwavering, stuffed with a sure belief in what he was about to say. "I don't think you're a bad dwarf. Me and Kili think you're one of the best dwarves. I don't think what mum said was true and I know she doesn't think so either." Fili didn't say which of his mum's statements he was referring to, but Thorin knew right away. Thorin's heart blazed at his nephew's kind gesture; he had his mother's heart. Both of her sons inherited her love.
Fili huffed, continuing on.
"Dad knew you were a good dwarf and I don't think there was anywhere he'd rather be than in that battle with you. I'm proud to say you're my uncle and I know dad was proud of you too."
Tears collected in Thorin's eyes. It was so strange. He had spent so much time wondering what his father would say, what grandfather would say. His thoughts spent far too much time with Frerin and what he would've told him. But it was not those thoughts that stilled his worried heart. It was the simple word of a small dwarfling. And, somehow, the voices of his deceased kin seemed to hum in agreement.
"And I'm proud too!" Kili exclaimed, perking up with a furrowed brow.
Thorin's bosom burned with a peace he couldn't explain. The tears spilled down his cheeks as he stared down at his nephews.
Kili reached out a chubby finger and wiped away a bead of salty moisture.
"Don't be sad, Uncle." he pleaded, looking frightened by his uncle's tears.
"I am not sad, dear Kili." Thorin's voice still held a strong rumble, despite the emotion that engulfed his entire being. "I'm happy, because I was blessed with such wonderful nephews."
Fili and Kili beamed as Thorin's eyes turned back to the fire.
It was good to be home again.
