Dear K.O,

First let me first point out Ike read your last letter, little bastard. He came up with the lie that he thought it was Karen's letter to him, I call bullshit on that but he couldn't stop laughing after realizing you punched Stan. Me on the other hand. Well I went and got nice and drunk after my first read of it.

But back on track, I refer to you as K.O only because it's mine an Ike's private joke and if mom and dad are around and we want to discuss you, we use this as code for your name since you seem to have a penchant for punch ons.

In all honest it's a masculine trait, makes you mucho sexy. (Ok, did I just say that? What a lame ass.)

But yeah dude, since it seems to be the in thing around South Park when I finally get down for a visit I might just punch you in the face and you can reciprocate, kind of like a welcome home Jew boy brawl.

Life's treating me better, I know I originally thought therapy wouldn't work and I'm not going to lie. It did fuck all and was tits. I stuck it out for about two weeks before I just stopped going. I've come up with my own coping mechanism, I'm just going to do as I first decided and keep my head down and work focused. It's the only strategy to making it out alive, plus you're my therapy. I confess my innermost thoughts to you; I guess you need to trust the person you're divulging such information to.

So…. I guess the cats out of the bag about Stans little unused issue. Thanks for that dude, he'll know where that came from now as I was the only one who knew, unless... If by chance Stan has the balls to ask where you heard it, you could simply tell him some bullshit about you overheard him and I discussing it one day before I left, he'll have to buy that.

He was constantly whining about it, like his v-card was word vomit. It was something that got bought up on a daily basis. Like, seriously you're the one with the dick, shut the fuck up and accept that your girlfriend wants to wait or dump her ass and hire a whore. I got to the point of frustration with hearing about it that about a week before I left I offered to fuck him just to shut him the fuck up. There's only so much a man can take before he wonders two things.

1) How the fuck is this bitch my bestie?

And

2) If I put my dick in his mouth would that silence his complaining?

Also, don't be disappointed with yourself Tweek. If you knew how often I wanted to punch Stan in the face you'd consider your actions saintly.

Sorry, for ranting about that but you don't know how much it began to test my patience. I guess that's just how Stan is, you either love him and put up with his self-serving emo, bitch crap or you outright hate him.

The Mormon kid likes Stan, that's weird considering he slept with me a few years back. I guess you just can't trust those weird religions. Wait, is me saying that hypocritical?

Fucking Kenny, he's a good guy at heart, but he's a hot headed asshole. I swear if he had his way Karen would end up joining a nunnery and never getting lucky. She'd become a nun, thus getting none. Oh yes, I'm a comedic genius today.

As far as these Jersey asswipes are concerned I'm asexual. I'm not interested in any of them. I got my sights set on someone back there and that can never happen. He's got a gorgeous boyfriend who I can't hold a candle to. So I'll just sit away in Jersey and pine for the one that I can't have. Love isn't fucking fair really. You'd understand right, with Craig. You get butterflies in your stomach, you smile like an idiot and all you want to do it hold him, kiss him and stroke your fingers through his wild blonde hair. Well shit, now you know he's blonde. It doesn't matter. You get me though, right? Those disgusting feelings like soda bubbles floating through your blood making you act like a dicktard. That's pretty much how I feel for my back home blonde. How I'd love to make him my back door blonde, if you catch my drift.

Karen is a beautiful girl; I got along with her perfectly. She straight up asked me if I was gay about a year ago and we were pretty close. Karen was my gal pal, we'd braid each other hair, eat ice cream and I even allowed her to do my makeup a few times. I glance down at my feet now and see I'd still got the remnants of our last nail session left on my toes; a glittery pink. I do miss Karen, she's sweet and loving any man would be lucky to get her attention and the fact Ike is that lucky man has made living with him better. He's calm and always euphoric.

Love is all around, except for me. But as you said, it will come. I remain optimistic because the moment I set foot back in South Park I'm not playing around anymore, I'm going to find my crush and kiss him so passionately his head will spin. There's no point fucking around anymore, I got to get what I want. Right, or am I being selfish?

So now I'm feeling better Tweek, you don't have to be such a strength. How have you been throughout all this, I worry about this pressure on you. You never could handle it well dude. You've been amazing and no I'm more rational minded, I want to be here for you. So lay it on me… I can take it.

Until next time.

K-dog.