CHAPTER SEVEN - BELLA POV

I was kind of sad to go home on Sunday, but I wanted to give the house a clean before Charlie got back. I was desperatly trying to get things back on track. I still felt guilty for what I'd done last time. The whispered conversation I heard between him and Alice about my conversation in which he said 'it was like someone had died' still haunts me now. I'm carefully watching myself for signs that I might be returning to that state, but I think for now, I'm safe. Jasper helped me a lot on Saturday, controlling my emotions to give me a break from the crippling pain. I was very grateful to him. I'd managed to get through my massvie stack of homework which I'd been neglecting because anything that reminded me of ...him...hurt far too much.

What really surprised me was that Rosalie drove me home and then instead of driving off again she got out of the car. I looked at her, confused and she laughed, looking like an angel as normal. I wondered why Edward hadn't just ran off with her - she was more attractive than Alice. I sighed, wishing I could stop having snide and bitter thoughts.

"I'm going to help you clear up." Said Rosalie, answering my unspoken question.

"Why?" The thought of Rosalie with her perfect hair and perfectly painted nails and tight white jeans cleaning seemed reall stranged.

"Because I thought you might want some company. You know, not being in the house alone."

A wash of gratitude flooded through me as I considered what it would be like in the house all alone - I used to spend a lot of time alone there without Charlie, but Edward was there with me. I smiled, but a small aprt of me was still wondering why Rosalie was being nice. She hated me.

Inside, Rose began washing the floor in the kitchen while I trekked up the stairs and gathered all of the laundry from the baskets. By the time I got downstairs again, the whole kitchen was gleaming and the lounge was spotless. I shook my head.

"I wish I could tidy up that fast." I said, surprised at how lighthearted I sounded. I didn't feel lighthearted, especially not without Jasper here. Rose laughed, sounding like tinkling bells.

She followed me into the tiny laundry room and watched as I dumped the clothes in the washer and washing liquid in the drawer.

"Well that's everything done already, thanks to you." I said, heading into the lounge and throwing myself on the sofa. She sat down next to me, far more graceful than I was. Maybe if I'd been that graceful, Edward would still want me. Maybe if I didn't take so long cleaning he would want me. Maybe...ugh shut up Bella.

"Are you okay?" Rose asked, suddenly scrutinising my face.

I paused and thought about it. I wasn't okay but I wasn't zombie like. Last time, I'd gone into a foggy haze but this time I still had my feelings. I'm not sure which was better, because my feelings hurt. But at least this time I hadn't lost everything. Almost everything, but not quite. Every day was still painful. It felt like every time my broken heart beat, it sent a new wave of pain through my crippled body. If I thought of him too much it was agonising. But now there were brief periods when Jasper was around when I could escape from the pain. Those moments almost made the whole struggle worthwhile.

"I'm dealing with it." I answered, truthfully. This time I was. Rose nodded and seeing as she was being so nice, I decided to test my luck.

"Rose?" I asked, tentatively.

"Yes?" Her face was friendly and open so I took a breath and answered.

"Why..are you being so..nice? I mean, I thought that you didn't .. like me." I said, staring down at my feet, drawing patterns on the rug with the toe of my sneaker to avoid looking at her. I was half expecting her to get made, but she didn't. She laughed.

"I didn't particularly like you. You know the day he left, you were in the forest?" I nodded. "Well Esme sent me to keep an eye on you, she was afraid you might...you know, try to commit suicide, so she wanted you watched so someone could intervene if you tried. We were going to take it in shifts. So I hid, where I could see your house, and listen. But then you came outside and I watched you burning your photos. I could see your face, and your eyes. When Royce left me for dead in the street, there was a smashed bottle on the floor, and in it I could see my reflection." Her lips curved up bitterly. "I remember being sad I didn't look so pretty anymore, all covered in blood. But my eyes, they were just like yours were that day. Like, completly betrayed and losing faith in everything. You were a mess, you were a wreck and I recognised the feelings. I knew how much pai nyou must be in, and I sympathised. Carlilse reached out and saved me when I was in that state, I think that it was the least I could do to reach out and try and save you."

I sat there, stunned that she'd let me know so much about herself. She normally did a total ice-queen impression, yet here she was telling me about how bad she'd felt. And I felt grateful that she'd thought I was worth helping.

"Thankyou." I said, resting my hand lightly on top of hers. She smiled.

"And you're not as bad as I thought you were." She said, teasingly. I smiled, liking her more than I ever had before.