Overcoming Adversity - Chapter 7

A/N: Varia, this one's yours. You are getting your suggestion in this chapter. :D

ELPHABA

My skin still tingled with the lingering touch of Galinda's skin and the very literal lingering burns which had resulted from her weepy goodbye. Afterwards, as the carriage pulled out if the depot, I ought to have turned my thoughts away from her, and to the matter at hand, but her sweet, sad affection had rendered me impractical. I allowed myself a few minutes to daydream about being with her. Now alone, I felt, for the first time, like a piece of me was missing.

I slipped into deep thought, oblivious to the rest of the carriage dwellers. It might have been easier to buy first class passage for the sake of avoiding the grim stares I just couldn't be bothered to deal with. Nessa had sent me enough money for that purpose. However, I had carefully divided up the bills, set some of them aside and bought an economy ticket. Perhaps I would be able to get Galinda a decent Lurlinemas gift after all. She was worth the sour expressions of the upper class Gillikinese who looked at me like vermin. I was used to them anyway.

Dependency was a state that I had vehemently resisted. The resistance might have been futile because, in hindsight, children had no choice but to be dependent on their parents. Friends, though, were another matter entirely. I had sworn myself averse to the concept – or my verdigris had forced my opinion that way – and in my tiny little shell of books and study I had satisfied myself with the life of an academic and become hardened against any reliance upon peerage.

Post Galinda, lonesomeness no longer satisfied me, not with the way she gently sneaked past my shell and into my heart. The sense of loss that came with our separation made me nervous. If something bad happened, I would no longer be able to turn a blind eye and pass off her problems as insignificant. Thus I found myself wondering how she was faring now that I had left. I hadn't meant to abandon her in such a fragile state.

You abandoned Nessa and now look what's happened.

My thoughts turned towards my sister, whose letter was grasped tightly in my fingers. I had memorised the content easily and replayed the message over and over again in my head. Father. Stroke. Not for the first time, I reflected on the consequences of my decision to leave home, feeling the usual twinge of culpability, but suddenly noticed something I had not thought of: If Father should happen to die, Nessa wouldn't have any remaining family.

My hands trembled. The letter crinkled beneath my fingertips.

Sweet Oz, what did I do? I left her all alone!

No, not quite – she'd said she had a maid, but that could hardly be the same thing. The maid must have been there not even one week, and was now having to face helping Nessa through an extremely difficult ordeal. It was something that should be done by a mother, but there was no mother to take charge; only the sister who left to pursue her own selfish desires at the expense of her family.

Silently I willed the carriage to move faster so that I could get to Munchkinland as quickly as possible. Slowly the cultural towns of Gillikin were left behind and the Yellow Brick Road stretched out towards the glamorous Emerald City. As the buildings sparkled into view I briefly wished I could get off the carriage and experience them for real rather than in passing. The buildings' camouflage might help me fade into their great walls and desensitise myself from my atrocious deeds. I would live in silence and elusiveness, benefitting the world by pretending that I did not exist. But as the carriage made its pit stop and I heard the mutterings of the well-bred about how I ought to be dumped here where I belonged, I remained seated.

As the wheels began to roll again, I stayed frozen in the now much emptier carriage as it journeyed towards Munchkinland. It wasn't too long before the hills and fields came within sight and I felt a lurch of yearning to just get there and be reunited with my sister. I gazed out of the window at the familiar countryside with an odd sense of longing. No longer did it feel quite like home. The landscape contained an animosity I couldn't explain, as though it didn't want me here. Nor did I want to be here when Galinda was so far away from me, but I had already seen the penalties of not putting my family first, and wasn't about to repeat the error.

Finally, with a sore back and stiff limbs, I stumbled out of the carriage at the depot in Centre Munch. There, a private carriage awaited me in an area separated from the masses, reserved for important, expensive vehicles. The journey home felt different from all the previous ones. It was the knowing that I would return under different circumstances from which I left. I wasn't truly welcome here. This time, I was only passing through temporarily. My stomach filled with butterflies as my old home finally came within sight and I glimpsed Nessa sitting by the front door in her chair, with a forlorn expression on her face.

Immediately, I got out of the carriage and went to greet her.

'You took your time getting here,' said Nessa.

'I only received your letter this morning.'

Nessa muttered something about the stupid postal system and how unfair it was that important families couldn't get any privilege whatsoever. I collected my one suitcase and followed Nessa inside. Although the house looked exactly as I remembered it, with its clean-swept appearance and stiff, smart furniture, it felt different. I hurried upstairs to my bedroom to drop off my suitcase and see to Nessa as quickly as possible.

As soon as I opened my bedroom door, I stood in its frame, taking in the sight of the room that had once been mine. It was completely bare and no one had bothered to clean it, so a layer of dust covered the measly, grey carpet. One of the bedposts was broken. The curtains were thin and faded dark blue. The ceiling light did not have a shade. I allowed a brief smile and dropped the suitcase in the small space by the bed.

I was stunned when my cheeks started to sting, and raised my hand to find wetness across my face.

There was no time for sentimentality; I wiped my face and returned downstairs to the living room. I perched on the edge of a brown leather sofa, one of three which sat in a square shape surrounding a smart, black coffee table. There was a space for Nessa's chair to slot in, and she wheeled herself into it. I noticed now that her hair was frazzled and posture slouched, a far different stance to her normal presentation.

A woman came in, who I assumed to be the maid. Nessa requested tea, and the woman bowed and disappeared swiftly. I nearly rose from my chair, thinking that I could have done it myself, but bit my lip and remained silent. These things were no longer my job; I had given them up for Galinda and for Shiz.

'Your face,' Nessa commented, and my fingers brushed the faint tear marks on my cheeks.

'How's father?'

Now Nessa choked over her words through trembling lips and a shaky voice.

'They said he's got a blood clot in his brain. They've put him on drugs to dissolve it. But it's terrible. He can barely speak properly and he's really weak.'

'But he'll be okay?'

Nessa shrugged.

'The doctor said it can vary a lot. He could be fine in a few weeks…or years.'

The maid brought the tea, and I couldn't quite resist glaring at her. She backed off quickly and hurried away. Nessa arched an eyebrow.

'That's Alveera. And I think you ought to be a bit nicer than that little display just now. Unlike some, she actually cares to think of me.'

'I apologise.'

'You certainly weren't apologetic when you were telling me how you'd rather go off frolicking with Galinda rather than taking care of me, your own sister!'

'It's not like that!' I argued, but deep down I knew that was exactly what I had done. I turned away from her affronted features, unable to bear it.

'I need you…and you were all the way in Frottica, miles away. Do you have any idea how bad the last couple of days have been?'

I had no response, only yet more of the growing self-blame.

I went to bed with a headache from the day's events. Nessa's accusations swirled around in my mind, coupled with Galinda's sadness, and the fact that everyone seemed to be looking to me to do everything. It seemed that, whenever I tried to do anything for myself, everyone else got mad. When I left home to salvage my chance at Shiz, I was blamed by Nessa and disowned by my father. Nessa also blamed me for loving Galinda. And when I returned to support my sister through a trying time, both Galinda begged me to come back quickly, and Nessa blamed me yet again for not being there in the first place. Where was I in all this, but the girl everyone else turned to during rough times, and the girl everyone blamed for things going badly?

What about me and what I feel? I thought. But I suppose I'm just the hideous green girl, so who cares?

The next day, first thing after breakfast, we went to the hospital. I was not happy that Alveera had come with us, but Nessa had insisted so I relented, figuring I might at least try to do things right for once. Father was in a private room. He looked pale and small lying in the hospital bed hooked up to the wire that was feeding him the drugs for his blood clot. Nessa immediately wheeled over to his bedside, followed by Alveera, and took his hand and bade him hello. I stood in the doorway, unsure of my position.

Father looked at me through squinty eyes and raised a finger in my direction.

'You,' he said, hoarsely. 'You're here.'

'I am,' I responded calmly, though I felt grim on the inside. 'How are you doing?'

'Y – you came now, after be – be – traying your family?'

'Nessa asked me to come.'

'Nessie…she needed you.'

'I know.'

A terse silence followed. The indictments of my wrongdoings were heavy bricks on my soul. He looked at Nessa and they started to talk. For the next ten minutes, I was ignored.

Soon, the doctor came in and said that Father needed a check up. Nessa beckoned Alveera and me out of the door. Just before leaving, I turned to Father to bid him goodbye. However, before I could say anything, he spoke.

'You – you dis – graced the family,' he said. 'Should be – be gone before I return.'

Even through his pathetic stance, the truth of his abhorrence crushed me. I closed the door with blurry eyes, grabbed the handles of Nessa's wheelchair, and pushed her away from the room as quickly as I could.