''I shot her.''
Joel's stopped in the moment that he registered Ellie's words. Closing his eyes and clenching his hands briefly, open and closing he sighed.
''I'm sorry, Ellie…'' He said after a moment of silence had passed between them.
''What can you do about it? It's fucked up, right?'' He heard the trembling in her voice. But before Joel could say anything Ellie interrupted him,
''We just sat there, the runner in front of us had completely bled out,'' Joel could see Ellie stare passed him, as if she was reliving the moment again, Ellie continued, ''I remember I kept wiping my arm, somehow the bleeding didn't stop. I don't know how much time had passed and how long we were sitting there. But we were just talking about stupid things, you know? As if those moments mattered to us the most. Meeting Winston, riding his horse around the mall sometimes, the shit we pulled back at the QZ, we always got into trouble.''
''Riley had placed the gun at the end of our feet. We were both scared for the easy way out,'' Ellie looked up at Joel her eyes shining as if she had suddenly remembered something, ''Do you remember those two people we found in the hotel?''
Joel nodded, ''The two in the bathtub?''
''I kind of admire their bravery, is that weird?''
Joel shook his head briefly, ''No…n-no, Ellie, that's uh… that's not weird.''
Heck, if there was a God even the big man himself knew that he had tried it many times before.
''We waited, to the point Riley said she felt really sick. When I touched her forehead to check her temperature she was running a high fever. But I remember feeling just fine, I was the one freezing my ass off while Riley kept repeating she was feeling hot, dizzy and nauseous.''
Ellie took a deep breath then, shifting her weight from one leg to the other as she shuffled her feet.
''I fucking hate talking about this.'' She sighed.
''Do you want to stop? We can just go back.''
''No, I feel like I need to do this.'' Determination visible in her eyes.
She continued, ''It was so dark. And somehow I had fallen asleep, I thought Riley had fallen asleep too. So I gave her a nudge with my elbow- Riley was always the one that easily fell asleep and was hard to wake up, so I didn't find it strange that she didn't woke up immediately.''
Ellie's voice slightly broke and it took her a while to steady her voice again. Joel encouraged her to keep going by placing a hand on her shoulder.
Blowing out some air Ellie collected herself for the part that pained her the most,
''I had turned on my flashlight, s-she moaned and her body twitched and I didn't realised what was wrong with her at first- I mean I had heard stories from kids back at military school, but I just didn't want to believe it was really happening.''
Ellie sniffed and she quickly wiped her nose with her sleeve, ''She jumped me, I yelled at her to stop and to wake up. But her eyes were… leaking and… she was drooling and just crazy and I- I just…'' Biting her lip she closed her eyes.
But it didn't do her any good for as the second they were closed she saw Riley- the way she didn't want to remember the girl she liked more than she thought.
Joel pulled Ellie towards him, hugging her as her body shook with sobs.
''It's okay, It's okay.'' Joel shushed.
She grunted, ''I…fucking… hate… crying.''
Her voice was tormented by her sobs, skipping through her words as she tried to talk.
''It is not a weakness, Ellie.'' Joel patted her on the back, ''Not to me anyway.''
Bending down through his knees Joel held her back at arm's length, ''You did what you had to do. That's all there is to it. How messed up it may sound.''
Ellie wiped her eyes with her sleeves, ''Like you did?''
Joel froze, there was no way she could know he lied to her, could she?
''What d'you mean?'' He finally mustered to say.
''With Sarah?''
Joel swirled the alcohol in his glass, watching the liquor sticking to the sides of the glass his thoughts were drifting off. On the way back to the settlement Ellie had exposed her past to him. Now he knew what happened before she had gone to Marlene. What made her so desperate enough to seek help from the leader of the Fireflies. She had no way of surviving if she had gone back to the QZ's prepatory school.
The sudden pat on the back made him nearly hit the bar.
''What's up old man?''
Joel smirked at Tommy's name calling, ''You do know you too will one day become an old man. The grey hair's are proof of that.''
Tommy shrugged easily as he smiled, ''You first, you're always first, Joel.''
Joel tilted his head as he nodded, of course. The benefits of having a younger brother, he would somehow always keep you feeling young or... old.
''So, what is it that has your mind so occupied?''
Looking at his glass one more time Joel shook his head, ''Nothing.''
Joel gave Tommy a sideway look- even though Joel knew that there was no fooling Tommy. He had hoped the younger and better version of him would let it rest.
Tommy turned to look at George who was a bit further away from them, ''George! Can I get a drink as soon as you're done, my budd?'' He then turned back to Joel, ''You two were gone for a while.'' He said as he leaned with his right arm on the wooden bar George was so proud of- which was well known since the man never stopped boasting.
Joel saw George wave a hand behind his back towards Tommy, motioning that he was going to get him one in a minute.
''Yeah, Ellie and I went swimming. During our travels I promised her I'd teach her how to swim.''
Tommy leaned away from the bar as George appeared in front of Tommy to pour him a glass of the same liquid Joel was having- and left. Even so, Tommy still nodded in appreciation behind the man's back
''Thanks, budd…'' He said while taking a sip from his glass. ''You know… She has changed you.'' Tommy tilted his glass towards Joel as he pointed at him.
Tapped against the side of his head he said, ''You see… I've been thinking,'' Once he had taken a sip he continued, ''When you first came here with Ellie, I didn't think much of it. But I did figure you weren't working for hunters no more.''
''Sharp of you, Tommy.'' Joel chuckled as his voice had gone sour with sarcasm. But in the back of his mind, he knew there was something that made Tommy question about their return.
Joel had never told Tommy what happened after they did find the Fireflies. Knowing how him and Marlene had gotten along back in the day he reckoned that telling his baby brother Marlene's fate or the rest of her crew wasn't going to sit well with him.
''Ya know Joel, you can deflect all you want. I know you. And I know what you're capable off. Something happened and it's something you do not wish to share. So, being the most respectful of the two,'' he pointed to Joel first and then back to himself, ''I am going to let it rest. Just so you know, that if there is a possibility this place is compromised. I won't hesitate.''
The air between the brothers shifted.
Tommy didn't have to explain what he meant by that.
There was a time where the younger one trusted the older, wiser person. His baby brother had always done as he asked of him, but now he had more than Joel ever achieved after the outbreak. Thus making Tommy the stronger and wiser man on his turf with hell of a lot to lose. So the only card Joel could play now, was respect. It was something that their old man had taught them that stuck with them for years.
''If you want respect? Demand it.''
Being the older one still counted for something.
Joel turned around in his seat to face his brother, looking at Tommy he lifted his chin up.
''Is that a treat, brother?''
''Call it however you want, brother.'' Tommy shrugged without batting an eye.
If there was one person that wasn't of afraid of Joel?
It was Tommy.
''We dealt with some hunters. Ellie saved my life.'' Joel finally said, the hostility between the two still strong.
''Ellie mentioned this to Maria- and you told me already, so what then?''
''I thought you said you'd respect my decision not to share?''
Tommy chuckled as he turned himself in his chair to face the bar, he grabbed his drink and took a huge gulp from it, ''You know what? Fuck you, Joel.''
''One day, Tommy.''
''Yeah, whatever.''
There was a moment of silence that followed between them, silence followed by peace- but it was the silence Joel was grateful for. Returning to his own drink he intended on finishing it- but before he brought the glass to his lips Tommy said, ''She reminds me of Sarah.''
And that stung.
''Like I said earlier, Joel…'' Tommy continued, ''She has changed you. And maybe I should thank her for that, hell you were a son of a bitch before the outbreak. But you and I were good. After Sarah died-''
Joel interupted him, ''After Sarah died everything changed. I changed,'' Acting like Tommy's words hadn't faced him he gulped the last bit of his drink down, ''I know Tommy. It may seem like I wasn't listening back then when you screamed your head off at me, but I did.''
Joel placed his glass on the bar with a thud and got up from his seat, walking away he passed Tommy and then stopped when he thought of something.
''Just so we clear,'' He said as he looked over his shoulder towards his brother,
''Ellie isn't Sarah's replacement. But she's my chance at doing better.''
Thanks for the new follow and comments! I re~ally appreciate it! :)
I tried to dug into Ellie's past some more and I think I did okay, I'm a perfectionist so hardly anything is good enough for me. Funny thing, I actually wrote this chapter right after I updated the last time. But when I finally had the time to do some writing again I opened up Word and ended up rewriting most of what I had already written. So, anyways. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. There is some hostility between the brother's. I think Tommy's on to something ;)
