By now the therapist was afraid that Yagiri-san would actually stab Orihara-san.
"Let me guess, you want to wear another pretty ring."
"Yes but more than that I want you to wear a matching pretty ring. With our names. Besides, I have the honeymoon all planned. A romantic cruise-"
"No."
"How about a tour of the most romantic cities in Europe? Like, say Leverkusen."
The therapist had never heard about this city in particular.
"Leverkusen is the headquarters of Bayer. Are you trying to bribe me?"
"I wouldn't say 'bribe' but it just so happens that I could make it easy for you to visit every corner of Bayer. You can even meet the CEO!"
"CEOs are always insufferable ignoramuses that can only survive in a corporate environment that privileges mediocrity. They are not scientists."
"And then we could go to Berlin, Paris, Rome, Venice, London!"
Not for the first time the therapist wondered if Orihara-san simply ignored everything that just happened to go against his plans. The shameless flippancy was indeed rather annoying.
"How about you go to all those places and leave me to run my research in peace."
"But that defeats the purpose of a honeymoon…"
"Yagiri-san, you still have a question to ask Orihara-san."
"Have you been spying on me?"
Izaya shrugged.
"We are using very loaded terms here. 'Spying' entails that I carry an unhealthy surveillance of your person and that it entails a certain maladjustment of my character. More, it heavily implies that I nurture a disturbing interest in your person and thus deprive you of some basic rights."
Namie's eyes turned into ice cold slits.
"Izaya, it's a very simple 'yes' or 'no' question. Answer it."
Izaya fidgeted a bit. And some more.
"I wouldn't say I spy on you but I may have installed cameras and bugs in your apartment."
"Izaya-!"
"In my defense I would not have to resort to such means if you agreed to living under the same roof. My only wish is to become closer to you-"
"Oh really? By stealing my underwear and stalking me?"
"Yagiri-san, your confession please."
"You encrypt your files but just so you know, I can crack any code anytime. I top you when it comes to computer science, information science and informatics."
Izaya gasped.
"I absolutely love a woman who knows her binary code. Let us do some 'programming' together."
To the therapist's dismay Izaya actually winked.
"You're missing the point. Next time you ask me to wear preposterous outfits I will hack into your computer."
"Hey, sexy maid outfit isn't preposterous. Frills and stockings are so you! Okay…maybe not but you know, that is the essence of roleplay. And it wouldn't hurt you to call me 'master' every now and then."
She glanced at her watch.
"Are we done now?"
The therapist coughed.
"Orihara-san, Yagiri-san, I have a suggestion. I want you both to plan a date each and I will join as an observer."
Izaya nodded then pulled him apart to have a word in private.
"Great idea doc, really. But when I give the signal you're to split. I am sure that you understand. Dates are conductive to some hot sexy times. I'll signal you when the time comes. It's all about timing."
By the time they looked up Namie was already gone.
"Orihara-san, I am sorry if I am overstepping my bonds but why don't you choose a partner who is less hostile toward you?"
"What would be the fun of that? It's not just all about the chase but a good part of it is! Besides, getting an obedient woman to wear a French maid outfit is not a challenge nor is it interesting. And Namie is a wonderful woman. Which means that I must be an absolutely great guy to have her as my girlfriend! It is all explained in the song I composed."
"You really made a song?"
"Of course. What can I say, I am a man of many talents. It just so happened that I have a very agreeable singing voice. Ah, if only Namie and I could have a duet! But that's why I hired you, doc. I am counting on you. No pressure. But by the end of these sessions I fully expect Namie to become 'Orihara Namie'. I already have a marriage certificate that only need her signature."
The therapist considered reminding Orihara-san that there was no such thing as miracles but he was afraid of getting Hume quoted back at him.