"I told you to stay." Loki reminded in unassuming tones as they walked a little way down the corridors.
What could he say, he got bored. "And?"
"So," Loki repeated, taking his words slowly "as you obviously have no plans and I have my own little part to play, why not help me out?" Loki really had a knack for choking people slowly.
"Depends." Tony answered, picking curiously at the cut he hadn't noticed on his wrist. "How much effort am I going to have to put in?" His words said 'no, none at all', but his eyes said something different. Tony was all too aware of what kind of set up this might well be, but honestly, in the sea of messes he was in right now, he didn't care.
After a short pause of deliberate deliberation, Loki's voice came again. "Can you ride?" He wasn't serious. Tony had to stop walking.
"A horse?" He couldn't be serious.
Loki took his sweet, precious time to wipe that grin off his face before he answered. "Yes."
Seriously? Damn his rich boy privilege.
"Isn't there any other form of... not horse riding?" How dare Loki laugh at him. Tony didn't laugh at his awful choices of attire. Well, whatever, he was not riding a horse, and not with Loki. Didn't he have some history with horses? He didn't want to get in the middle of that little love fest.
"Then I shall go without you. Have fun with the ball robes and table settings, Tony Stark." Of all the times to get an inappropriate urge, now seemed appropriate.
Tony continued walking. "You're a mean man."
"I do try." Something else came into Tony's head, prompted by the gurgling in his stomach.
"Say, I'm sure this feast is going to be great and all but I could eat a horse even now."
"Please don't eat these horses, they are noble."
"It's an expression." They exited the palace and made their way down the million and 34 steps, the sun's light entered Tony's eyes like acid but hugged his skin softly. He put a hand up to stop the harsh noon ray, going blind didn't sound like a fun idea.
"I see." Loki handed him a squidgy something wrapped in what looked like a banana leaf as they walked. Tony looked down at it.
"I don't really like being handed things." He informed the god, rubbing his moist palms together. It was a little hot out here. Loki bent down, putting it on the last marble step, Tony followed and picked it up. Resuming their walk, Tony pulled apart those wrappings suspiciously, his brain disagreeing with his stomach on the matter of eating this.
"Erm... Is it safe to eat?" Tony prodded it. It sprung back a little. "And you sure there isn't a McDonald's or something round here?"
"It won't harm you if you eat it." Tony took a scoop onto his fingers, sniffing it. It didn't smell too bad. He ran his tongue over it, finding much to his surprise and almost delight that it was actually pretty good. Kinda fruity.
Kinda fruity, and kinda deciding not to leave his molars in peace. That stuff was sticky.
"What the hell is this?" Tony asked, trying to peel it off the inside of his mouth where it was clinging for dear life.
"Horse feed."
Loki deserved a fate much worse than death.
Tony put the 'food' into his pocket, sulking.
From then on they walked in silence to the stables, dodging mostly each other but also the cleaners and house setters for fear they drag them in to help put up some tinsel or staple some frilly red ribbon around the edges of everything. Although the party itself was something both of them were greatly looking forward to, some of the pre-party preparations weren't something they were really willing to participate in.
Besides Tony had other plans. He'd already deduced that this was not an illusion and that he had gone somewhere odd via that black hole, and that this Loki was as innocent as he could ever be, well at least of not massacring a city. So he could be trusted, to a very, very limited extent. What other way could he spend his time? The only other reason he was going along was to escape all that glitter that would never come off no matter how much surgical bleach you pour on yourself at half three in the morning. That was a fun one to explain to Pepper.
Oh-
It was only when they reached the stable and Tony saw the sheer grace and size of these Noble Horses that he shook his head from dangerous thoughts, stopped in his tracks and scowled. "You look saddened." Commented Loki, saddling the horses with ease and expertise.
"Oh- No, just... why would you want something living between your legs?" Tony kicked a heel into the dirt, feeling somewhat like a sulking toddler.
"I can think of many reasons." Tony hissed in distaste. That was not something he wanted to imagine Loki doing. Ew.
No.
As he mounted the horse, willingly or otherwise, Tony was still deciding whether or not to ask.
As they kicked off their horses into a trot, Tony did. "So what's our mission, sir?" There had to be some ulterior motive. Loki wouldn't just up and invite the new guy to help him out. He had 180 problems and questions and Loki was involved in most of them.
"There is brew needed for the mead. We have been sent to get it. It's the task I always get." Fair.
"Not a bad one either. But why the whole crypto crap?" As soon as Tony said it he felt like an idiot. Loki, however, did not seem to answer it as if he were.
"Sometimes," He said, pulling at the reigns, moving his horse into an accelerating gallop. Tony did the same. "the truth is just too dull."
So Loki and Tony went to get the mead. The trip wasn't long, but the way Tony was taking in every detail made it seem an eon. Even Loki, owner of jewels un-valued and a treasury so grand even Tony might shed a tear or two, would still look around his dwellings and be proud. Above and all around them were silver spirals and swirling buildings that glinted gold. There were busy men and busier women. There were hairy ones and skinny ones and some a mix of the two. There were other horse riders on the roads that separated all these towers, none of whom rode a horse as grand as Loki's great mare, which was of course a coal black. Tony's stallion was still awesomely impressive, but his own sour face and uncomfortableness kinda ruined the effect.
As the highrises around them became lower and lower and the crowd became fewer, Loki kindly informed Tony that they had exited the city. The ground turned to brown dirt not paved stone and around them the sidewalks turned to overgrown, heat-browned grass. They took a left and came to the more residential areas of Asgard. As they passed the 'common' people on their way to do their 'common' things, most took time to turn and smile and throw an odd word or two at Loki. Usually they were jokes that he'd heard a thousand times but it was nice to know that there was a community thing going on here.
Tony didn't get much more than a few people waving from their windows. Sufficient enough for a new guy, he reasoned.
He had kinda expected that everyone would have lived in great palaces, they weren't exactly poor looking. They dressed the same, minus the armor of the city and wore their hair in the same braids and styles, men and women alike. And as for the new type of buildings, they weren't exactly mud huts and sticks and twigs stuck together with string, but it just wasn't what he had anticipated. They were just a sort of English-Country cottage, all lined up both sides of a dirt track. It wasn't smelly or unclean, and there certainly were flowers. A lot of flowers. Boy, did these people like flowers.
It all would have been perfect if a sign saying 'Welcome to the Shire' was hanging around somewhere.
After working their way down the lane, Loki stopped them at what looked like a pub and dismounted. The blacksmith and his anvil next door were quite loud, aggravating Tony's already blaring headache. He didn't like horse riding.
"They require 4 kegs of Greying Wilderbeast." Instructed Loki to Tony, as if he had asked. What a name, thought Tony, scared to get off the horse. Loki stood below him, only just seeing Tony's position still on the grey Baroque. "Now, are you coming or are you just going to sit there and cry?"
Tony weighed up his present scenario. "I haven't decided yet." In response to Tony's obvious fear, Loki took hold of Tony's horse by the reigns and whispered into it's ear like the weird, obviously delusional man he was. Tony hadn't time to question however before he was bucked off his horse and, with a yelp, landed in a neat little dusty pile a few meters away. The expression on his face was not of over joyed glee. Calming the horse, Loki laughed along with the crowd that had discreetly gathered.
"Now," Came Loki, giving the horses over to a passer-by to look after for a while. "Coming?"
Inside the 'tavern,' a man sitting at the equivalent to a bar raised a glass in their direction, Loki nodded back.
"Same again?" Asked the bartender, suddenly appearing in front of them. Loki smiled.
"Am I becoming too predictable?" Loki responded, handing him the 'wishlist.' The barman took it with his large, plump fingers.
"Oh, you are many things, my prince, but predictable? That's a bit of a stretch." Loki, smiling, pulled out a chair at the bar-thing and motioned for Tony to sit. He did. The two of them - Loki and the barkeep - took off into a doorway behind the bar. The door closed behind them. The man Tony had sat next to offered him his drink, which being the moocher he was, Tony accepted.
When Loki returned, he had one arm curled around a keg and the same hand gripping the top of one and in the other another keg and a small sachet.
Tony stood just in time to have one shoved into his chest.
"What's that one for?" He motioned to the browning sachet.
"Oh, just a little tradition of mine."
Once they were both back in Asgard, and stood in the half-prepared feasting hall, and the barrels of alcoholic beverages were set down, Loki turned to Tony, eying up his particularly atrocious attire. Tony was surprised Loki hadn't mentioned it earlier.
"Before the festivities begin, would you like something... Different to wear?"
"I'm good." He replied, brushing a little dust off his shoulder. Tony knew that whatever something 'different' meant, it involved bolts and belts and leathers and he really wasn't feeling that specific vibe just now. He had the spare shirt... Somewhere... He patted around the hem of his trousers, pulling it out from where it had been hiding. It wasn't much better than the one he had on. It was covered in butt sweat, dirty and smelling faintly of horse.
But he was not wearing leather.
"Are you sure?" Loki checked, being kind enough to take the shirt off him and make it conveniently disappear.
"Always." Loki might have to change that attitude of thinking, but perhaps after the feast. He wasn't too bad.
As long as he stayed 800ft away from everyone else.
After a few more hours of reluctant table settings that Tony couldn't avoid but Loki sneakily could, the reason behind this whole mule haul began.
It was not that Tony believed that Loki was always unloved or socially inept, but he kinda did. He was watching him with his birth but adopted mother, Frigga, who had a hand over his on the table. They had their chairs inclined towards each other, in the midst of some deep conversation that Tony couldn't hear nor read on their lips.
He turned away, the moment seeming all too intimate for his merely mortal eyes.
He took another large gulp of his drink.
He of course was sat at the back, for although Asgardian celebrations were more of an social affair and so was he, he felt a little odd. Plus there were guards with pointy things here and he kinda looked like he'd just gone on a murderous rampage. He didn't wish for that sort of attention. So, he was at his own little table, far away from the main hustle and bustle of tonight's cabaret. Hmm... Magic shows and sparkly lights were hardly Earthen dancing girls, but nether the less, they helped the huge mass of tender, honeyed, roasted 'something' go down. It was turning out to be a pretty great night.
Even through his mental blockades he could still hear the chattering of over 300 Asgardians and the mead in their bellies. The laughter was raucous and the conversation topics often odd but it just added a sort of blinding chaotic order to the whole fiasco.
It wasn't until Thor started choking on his drink that for a moment everyone was quiet and Tony truly paid attention to his surroundings.
"My god!" Thor cried, pushing himself up from his chair, face reddened and hand at his chest. "Every time, Loki! Every time!" So that's what that was for.
Tony went back into his head. He was having fun in his mind. He was imagining home. And bed. Whatever that juice was that Loki gave him, he had the impression that it was starting to wear off.
Until someones hand gripped down hard on his shoulder.
"Why the sour face?" Came a voice he didn't recognize. Before Tony had time to readjust to reality, someone was sitting at the table with him, then another, then another. Three flushed faces sat staring at him as if he held the answers to the universe.
"Long day?" They all laughed at him. Had he told a joke? They kept laughing. Oh my god, just go away.
Then he came back from Goo-goo land and he did indeed recognize the faces. "How can I help you idiots? Tony asked, leaning onto the circular table, propping his chin up with a fist.
"Why don't you come and join us?" Just a little ominous then.
"Where?"
"On the head table." Came Hogun.
"Lots more wine to drink." Came Fandral.
And lastly came Volstagg's booming tones. "And more to eat."
Tony's limited attention had been caught there. "All the best foods are privy to the king," Continued the gentle giant beside him. "and his most loyal followers of course." So Tony followed them back to the King's table much to the others delight. Worming their way back through mounds and mounds of smelly drunkards was something miles away from fun but neighbors to stimulating. He sat on a chair pulled from another table, the previous occupant uncaring as he had passed out and was now lying on a table, drool leaking from his reddened lips. When he sat, they all seemed to continue the conversation like he wasn't someone who had literally only been here about 24 hours. Not that he minded, though. In fact, he joined in with the chatter and merry-making. They all started comparing stories and tales about past victories. Volstagg tried to go into one of his 'great poems' but luckily for everyone involved, Fandral managed to silence him with another slice of spiced pork.
It wasn't until they were silent for a second and their ears turned to Thor's side of discussion that the night really got interesting.
Nothing could've prepared him for the glee that the look on Thor's face brought him when Loki oh so subtly mentioned the red hair. He of course didn't understand the story behind it, he was more enveloped in the gratuitous servings of 'vallhalla-y' foods put before him, but again, Thor's face was priceless. Or very expensive, depending on if someone caught it on camera, if they even have cameras here, which he supposed was possible.
So from then on, the warriors three and Tony Stark joined in conversations with the king, his wife and her one and a half sons. Oh and the sons... Girlfriend?
Well whatever, Tony would pry later, scoff minted lamb now.
More topics were brought up, Loki would dig further into Thor's history for another episode of Embarrassing Bodies and Odin would stare a little more into his cup of mead as if it were a portal to some other place.
But at the end of it all, after the multiple mishaps and tricks brought on by a certain someone and everyone else, he was beginning to like it here.
And you know, Tony was starting to think that this Loki kid was alright. If you take away all the insanity and murder and awful hair, he's really not so bad.
But that hair?!
At least the feast ended on a high. Fandral had wandered off with some women, Thor was half snoring into his half eaten roast and even Hogun was starting to giggle at a few of Volstagg's jokes. Sif and Frigga were talking about something or other and Odin himself was gone many hours before.
Tony himself? Oh, he was drunk.
He was more drunk than he'd been in a good few years, but still a little conscious. Back on Earth alcohol was about as affective as soda or mint gum, but the wine here? Imagine vodka on a hen night and you were pretty close. The only problem was it was sweet and easy to down so he didn't realize how drunk he was until he was.
Whoop's?
