Andie always prided herself on her ability to see the forest for the trees. Growing up with George Saunders as a father meant that she would always be focused, plotting ahead to get to the finish line, no matter what race she was in. Whether it was academically or in actual physical situations, she knew what to do and how to do it.
Except when it came to Shane Walsh.
They'd been paired up when she graduated from training, a rookie trying to prove herself to men and women that had spent almost a lifetime trying to live up to George Saunders' expectations and lofty aspirations. When she walked in on her first day of patrol, he was waiting for her, chewing on a toothpick and leaning against the lockers as she stored her belongings, nerves and excitement making it hard to breathe.
"So, you're the new baby blue," he said, his twangy voice making her stiffen slightly. When she turned to face him, he was grinning like the Cheshire cat, and he pushed himself upright, standing to his full height as she blinked rapidly. Tall, with dark hair, piercing brown eyes and a broad nose, he reeked of masculine prowess, throwing her off balance immediately. "Looks like we're partnered up, so get moving."
He barely spoke to her the first day, letting her feel her way through their first shift, and when they arrived back at the precinct, all he told her was 'good job', leaving to head out with his buddy, Rick. Those two words meant more to her than any glowing adjectives that he could've thrown her way, and from there, she blossomed, because he believed in her. Shane trusted her with his life.
Their relationship went from friendship to romance after a harrowing call, three months into her career, a domestic situation that culminated in a shootout with Shane tackling the drunken abuser and disarming him, but not before he got a shot off, hitting him in the shoulder. She was able to block out the danger, the imminent risk to Shane as she pressed her knee into the suspect's back, cuffing him. But when she saw how badly he was bleeding, Andie's only thought was to get him help, and she rode with him, watching as the blood dripped onto the floor.
He was rushed into surgery, the waiting room filled with fellow officers and friends, and she sat next to Rick, refusing to wash the blood from her hands, rocked to her core as she waited for word that he would be okay. The doctor came out a few hours later, and Andie shot out of her seat, the first to reach him, Rick just behind her.
"He's going to be fine," the doctor said, patting her on the shoulder as she sagged in relief. "You can go see him."
A kindly nurse took her to Shane's recovery room, and she let out a sob when she saw him bandaged up, looking frail in a way that she'd never imagined that he could be. His black hair was plastered to his forehead, and his skin was almost as translucent as the sheets he was laying on. Shakily, Andie went to his bedside, and his eyelids fluttered at the same time as his hand reached for her.
"You fucking idiot," she whispered, holding his good arm to her chest, and he smiled wanly.
"Sorry, Blue."
He always called her that, ever since her first day on the job, and she smoothed his hair back, her heart aching when he leaned into her touch. Before she could even think about what she was doing, she bent over, kissing him softly on the lips.
"It's about damn time you realized you were crazy about me," he murmured, the cocksure tone of a man that knew they were going to end up together. Andie didn't say anything, too afraid of what would come out of her mouth.
She was saved from herself when Rick came in, looking so relieved that he might pass out, and Andie took a few steps back so that he could see his oldest and dearest friend. Shane's eyes never left hers until he finally drifted off to sleep, and the nurse that had shown her in quietly told them that visiting hours were over for the night.
"Before he came back to work, I met with our Captain at the time, and switched partners."
Andie stared off into the distance, reliving the four years that she and Shane were together in an instant, every fight, every time they made love, every trip to the grocery store. It had all been shuttled away inside her, pressed down when he left for Virginia, breaking his promise to be her partner in life when he got the call from Quantico. A call that he never told her was coming.
"Are ya sure yer up for this?"
Daryl was sitting across from her at the Grove, nursing a beer as she took a deep breath. Andie had successfully avoided all conversation with Shane since Negan had taken it upon himself to relay all pertinent information to him regarding the cases. Every time Shane would ask a question, each time directed at Andie, Daryl or Negan would answer, and she kept her head down, afraid that if she looked at him for too long, he'd see the damage he'd done to her, and she'd be damned if he deserved anything from her.
"Let's call it a day," Rick said when the sun went down, and Andie was the first one out of her seat, walking to the door with purpose, that being getting a drink. Not bothering to stop home and change, she went straight to the Grove, giving Simon a half-assed wave before parking herself in the back booth away from everyone.
More angry at herself than the fact that Shane was back, it irritated her more than anything that he had any sort of effect on her after five years. Was it because she had no time to prepare herself, or was it because of the way that he was looking at her throughout the day, like she was the one who'd wrecked everything that they'd built together?
Daryl ended up coming in about ten minutes after her, and he hovered in her general area before she finally called him over to join her. In a way, it was sweet that he was concerned about her, and she told him briefly about their relationship. Was she up for this?
"I'll be fine," Andie told him, not really believing it herself. "As long as he stays professional, it'll be fine. He's a good agent, so he may have some insight that we don't. But if you can figure out how to catch this freak in the next twenty-four hours, I won't complain."
Daryl smiled, and she clinked their bottles together, rising to get them another round. When she came back, her phone was vibrating, so she checked the screen, answering it immediately.
"Hey, Dawn," she said, excusing herself to take the call outside where it was quieter. Her neighbor was fine with Daryl and Negan subletting her apartment, especially since they were both cops, and she said she'd fire off an email agreement, telling Andie to give them her spare key, of which she had a copy. After chatting for a few minutes, she thanked the young woman again, sticking the phone into her pocket.
As she turned to go back inside, she ran into a solid chest, bouncing back, startled.
"Sorry," she muttered, looking up into Shane's face.
"Can we talk, Blue? You've been avoiding me all day."
"Don't call me that," she said automatically, the name stinging her ears. "Is it about the case?"
"No-"
"Then no," she told him, trying to step around him. "There's nothing else we need to talk about."
"Andie, c'mon," he took her by the arm, but she shook him off, her temper flaring. "It's been five years."
"Exactly," she snapped, glaring at him. "It's water under the bridge, Shane. We're not partners, and we're not friends, so there's really nothing to say."
His nostrils were flaring, a sure sign that he was getting angry, but she didn't give a shit, leaving him standing in front of the bar as she worked to get some distance from him and her own feelings.
Fucking asshole, she thought, slamming herself back down in the booth. Goddamned right it's been five years, and he was thinking that she was still pining over him. It couldn't be further from the truth. She just had no interest in revisiting a failed relationship.
Daryl was at the pool table, and she kept one eye on him and the other on the door, watching to make sure Shane didn't ambush her again, but the only one that approached her was Judge with a fresh beer, courtesy of Jimmy. It would be easy to get up and go over to him, to head to his apartment for some mindless sex, but she wasn't in the mood, so she told Judge to reciprocate the drink to communicate that she wasn't interested. It was their failsafe signal to back off.
Ten minutes later, Shane came in the bar, surrounded immediately by old friends and co-workers, and Daryl took his seat, watching him with furrowed brows. Andie was touched that he felt protective of her, and she thanked him for hanging out with her.
"It ain't for pity," he assured her, keeping watch behind her back. "I knew guys like that back in school. Always had to be the top dog, and they hated taking 'no' for an answer."
That was Shane in a nutshell, she realized. Their relationship wasn't perfect by any means. He could be stubborn and mean sometimes when he didn't get his way. He would shut her out, making her feel like she was a bother, and it struck her that time had glossed over those facts, giving her a little bit of peace. He was definitely likely someone else's problem now.
Daryl nodded his head once, and Andie glanced behind her, surprised to see Negan heading their way empty-handed. He stood next to her, waiting until she slid over, plopping down next to her, squishing her into the wall.
"Where the hell ya been?" Daryl griped, giving him an annoyed grunt.
"Talking to the lab," Negan said, giving Andie a once-over, reaching for the bowl of nuts and popping a few in his mouth. "That weird coroner was able to recover some skin cells from under Rosita's nails."
"Oh my God," Andie exclaimed, excitement flooding her chest, and Shane was quickly forgotten. "How soon will they have something?"
"Glenn thinks about two to three days," he said. "He's putting a rush on it, and they'll run it through the database."
"You're up, redneck," Craig called out, using his pool cue to point at Daryl. Craig was an asshole of the highest order, one of those cops that thought that his badge made him a big man, and Daryl stood up, flipping him off.
"I may be a redneck, but at least I see my own dick," Daryl shot back, making Craig's face turn beet red. Balding, with a beer belly that made it nearly impossible for him to get behind the wheel of a cruiser, Craig had no room to trash talk anyone else, and Andie laughed as he spluttered, half the bar shouting 'oooh'.
She could feel herself mellowing out until a high-pitched feminine voice sounded over the clacking of the balls, and she looked up to see Clarice, staring at Negan with a hopeful expression.
"Hey," she breathed, reaching out one hand to touch him. "I wasn't sure you'd be here tonight."
"Clarice," he said gently, and her pupils dilated just hearing her name, but Andie spoke up, cutting him off, abruptly pissed at her and for her.
"I'm not invisible, am I?" Andie asked, loud enough to get a startled look from Clarice. "Oh, good. You can see that I'm sitting right here next to him in the booth."
"Sorry," she mumbled. "I thought that..."
"How do you know we aren't here on a date?" Andie pressed, setting her hand on Negan's thigh. "Would you walk up to any other man that was in the company of another woman and try to proposition him?"
"But you said you were..." Clarice spluttered, her cheeks turning pink, and Andie shook her head.
"How have you not figured out that he's a 'hit it and quit it' kinda guy?" she said, ignoring the fact that Negan put his hand on top of hers so that she couldn't remove it from his upper thigh. "Did you promise her anything other than a one night stand?"
Negan shook his head with a sigh, fixing Clarice with a gentle smile, and Andie dug fingers in hard, making him wince.
"You're a great girl, and I had a fucking awesome time with you, but I'm just not the one for you. You need someone who's gonna romance you, sweetheart."
The silence was awkward until Clarice backed away fleeing through the entrance with as much dignity as she could, and when she was gone, Andie pulled her arm free, elbowing Negan in the ribs.
"Let me the fuck out," she hissed, feeling like an asshole. She didn't mean to take her anger out on Clarice, but it was frustrating to be ignored and dismissed, and also to see it happen to someone else.
Negan slid out of the seat, and she grabbed her purse, stalking through the crowd out into the fresh air, taking several deep breaths until she heard the door open, a brief cloud of sound and smell drifting out, and when she turned around, Shane was standing there. Her eyes shut tightly, her hands clenching into fists.
"What in the hell is going on with you?" he asked, but she refused to dignify him with an answer. "Do you know how many times I tried to call you? To see you?"
"Why would I want to see you?" she screeched, making a guy across the street turn to watch. "You fucking walked out on me for a job, Shane. Six months before we were supposed to get married, you walk in and announce you're leaving for Virginia, with no discussion."
"It was everything I wanted, Andie," he took her by the shoulders. "It was my goddamned dream to go to Quantico. I couldn't let it slip away. I begged you to come with me, to start a life there, but you cut me out."
"No, you didn't. You told me if I didn't come, we were done. I loved you," she said, her throat closing up as he panted, his eyes wilder than she'd ever seen them. "You were my dream. Here."
He bent down to kiss her, but she pushed him roughly, knocking him back a couple of steps.
"Don't."
"I still love you, Blue. That's never changed."
Andie laughed in disbelief, taking one step back.
"It does when you're engaged, asshole."
His mouth dropped open abruptly, and she nodded her head. "Yeah, I know all about Jeannie."
"Rick told you," he guessed, barely audible.
"And I told you," she clarified, running a finger under her right eye, catching that one fucking tear she always seemed to shed where Shane was concerned, "if you want to discuss the case, I'm available. Other than that, we'll have nothing to do with each other."
Andie turned away and started down the street, turning around to see him staring after her with his hands dug down in his pockets, and it made her heart break one more time.
"Congratulations, by the way."
There was a diner around the corner, similar to the one that Beth used to work at, and Andie sat down to try to get her bearings. The waitress brought her a cup of coffee, and she dumped some cream and sugar in, stirring it as she zoned out, thinking about how easy it would've been to let Shane kiss her.
He was the only one that had ever made her feel safe and like she had a home. George Saunders was a loving father, but his job always came first. Always. Especially after her mother died. Andie had never minded until she met Shane and realized what she was missing.
A cheerleader. Someone to stand on the sidelines an push her towards the finish line. Someone that she could lay in bed at night with and confess her fears, her hopes and dreams. But he'd taken it in, and left her with nothing the day he packed his bag and left, and she'd never let anyone else in since.
A flash in front of her eyes brought her back to reality, and Negan propped his elbows on the table, resting his chin on his fists as he studied her.
"I accidentally on purpose heard your conversation with the dickhead," he told her without an ounce of shame and Andie didn't even have enough anger to chew him out. "That really fucking sucks, detective."
"I hope you were entertained," she muttered, resuming stirring her coffee until he plucked the spoon from her hand and pushed the cup towards her.
The waitress brought over a fresh cup, and Negan thanked her, drinking it black as she stared through him.
"I was married."
He said it like he was commenting on the weather, and her eyes bugged out, trying to picture him living a domestic life and failing miserably.
"Name was Lucille," he continued, watching his hands as they turned the cup in slow circles. "Fucking beautiful woman, she was. We married young and lived in the suburbs. I used to volunteer as a coach for the high school baseball team, and she worked as a secretary for the mayor of Atlanta."
"Okay," she said carefully, not sure where he was going with this plethora of information.
"I used to fuck around on her," he looked up, no trace of humor or cockiness anywhere. "A few girlfriends on the side, but mostly one-night stands. Even though I loved her more than my own goddamned life, I cheated on her. She knew, and she never said anything, because she loved me, and just wanted me to be happy. Until the day that she collapsed in our front yard."
His eyes went back down to the table, and Andie fought the urge to reach out and pat his hand. In a million years, she never would've thought that he was married. In love, no less.
"She died six months later, my Lucille. After that day she passed out, I dropped the women and spent the rest of her life taking care of her, being the husband I should've been, but it was too late. I buried her on the most beautiful day in June, in her favorite blue dress."
"I'm sorry," she murmured, feeling trapped in his gaze when he looked up.
"She deserved someone better than I could've ever been," Negan said, "and ever since that day, I swore to myself that I'd never put another woman through what I did to her. That's why I just sleep around, because that's all I can do."
"Why are you telling me this, Negan?" she asked, watching him closely, ignoring the soft tickle that was moving up and down her spine.
"I don't know," he admitted, maybe the most truthful thing he'd ever said in his life. "Maybe because I see a little bit of me in you, and I'd hate for you to end up like me."
He stood across the street from the diner, having followed Andie when she left the bar. Hidden in the shadows of the alley, he watched, fascinated as she fought with a tall guy with dark hair, feeling proud when the man tried to kiss her, and she pushed him away.
That feeling lasted exactly as long as it took for another man to join her at her booth in the diner, and he skittered forward to get a good look, reeling back in shock when he recognized the man from long ago.
"This was only a fling, sweetheart," he said, zipping up his leather jacket. "I ain't built for a relationship."
It was him.
The man who'd killed his mother, and he was sitting with Andie.
Ducking back across the street, he vomited into a metal trash can, wiping his mouth, feeling ghostly lipstick on his cheek and smelling perfume in the air. Sliding down against the side of the building, he wrapped his arms around his knees like a child, watching Andie talk to him, hating the growing intimacy between the two of them.
He wouldn't lose another woman to Negan. He'd kill her before he'd ever allow that to happen.
Long after the two of them left, he continued to sit there, his eyes shut as he cried for his mother, vowing to ruin the life of the man who broke her heart and wrecked his world.
