A few days had passed and Lexa had spent a lot of time with Lexa. They were preparing for the war again Mount Weather. Bellamy needed to disable the acid fog inside Mount Weather. Clarke and Lexa were planning tactics for the attack.
It was already night and Clarke was still in Lexas tent. Lexa was lying on her bed when Clarke was still worried about everything and if it it would work. Lexa already knew what was ahead of her. She knew she had to betray Clarke again at the Mountain and let her make all those hard choices all over again. Lexa didn't want this, but she knew she had no choice then to go through this again.
She remembered this night well, Clarke was worried about the tactics and Lexa told her to take it easy.
''What if we're wrong. Cutting the power doesn't disengage the locks?'' Clarke asked worried.
Lexa was still lying down on her bed, resting ''Your people said it will''. She stood up after she saw the worry on Clarke her face and stepped towards her ''You should rest Clarke'' she said.
''We could blow up the doors manually'' Clarke said, ignoring Lexa.
''Plans don't last very long in battle'' Lexa said while standing next to Clarke.
''You're right. But a lot of people have died already. It has to work'' she said. Clarke felt obligated to make all of this work. Everything she was failing she remembered her mother saying ''Remember we're the good guys''. Clarke started to doubt that more everyday, because after everything they had done, did they even deserve to survive?
''You're doing what I did when I first took command. You cant move forward and its giving you too much time to think. Once Bellamy disables the acid fog everything will be clear and we will be able to start attack.
''What if he can't? What if it was to dangerous and I sent him in there anyway?'' Clarke asked worried. She was worried that her mistakes would become fatal for others. Clarke was so worried about caring for others that she forgot herself sometimes.
''You care about him?'' Lexa asked. She remembered this well. Somehow Bellamy made her mad sometimes. She knew that Clarke wasn't in love with him in the past. But she didn't really know how Clarke was in this reality. Lexa knew she had to be the same as then so she asked thay anyway.
''I care about all of them'' Clarke said.
''But you worry about him more?'' Lexa asked suspicious.
''I couldn't have kept us alive all this time if it wasn't for him. We need him. And now I might be the one who get's him killed'' Clarke said worried.
Lexa turned around and faced Clarke. In this moment she wanted to tell her everything but kept it to herself. ''Listen, Clarke. He will be fine. I'm sure. Your people will be okay. They already have a great leader'' Lexa said with a smile.
Clarkes faced showed the relief of Lexas word. ''Thank you. I hope so. It's just I want us all to get out alive. Sometimes it's hard you know'' Clarke said.
Lexa nodded ''I know''. Lexa remembered this old conversation well she told Clarke that the warriors had to die in order to achieve the greater goal. But this time Lexa didn't. She cared about her people and didn't want to be the old ice cold leader she once had been. She wanted Clarke to see that she cared too. ''You know, people die in war, but they will be remembered if the legacy of those deaths is peace. We will never forget, those who have fallen in battle. We honor them by being at peace. By living the lives we all deserve'' Lexa said.
''Wow'' Clarke said. ''I didn't know you actually cared'' she said teasingly. ''Well said, Commander.''
''I'm going to sleep, Clarke. You need your rest as well. You can rest in my tent if you want. But just take it easy, you need that'' Lexa said reassuring.
''Thanks, but I won't bother you with my nightmares. I'll find a place outside. Goodnight Heda'' Clarke said with a smile.
''Goodnight'' Lexa nodded.
Lexa fell asleep pretty soon after that. She knew she didn't exactly follow the advise of the Commander spirit. But she didn't care. Lexa her thoughts were in her other life. She missed that Clarke. The Clarke from her life, was so light hearted and not scarred like this Clarke. She knew they were the same. But maybe she didn't even want Clarke to remember because that would spare her a lot of hurt. She didn't have to bare all the memories of the things she had to here in order to survive. Then she would never have had the name Wanheda and she would've been so much more happy. But Lexa knew she had to make Clarke remember in order to save the Grounders and the Skaikru. All Lexa wanted is to return to her old life. She wanted to say so much to Clarke. Like how much she had missed her everyday and that she wanted to be with her. How much she loved her and how beautiful Clarke was. But she couldn't, she knew that. The last thing she remembered from that life was her being hit by a car. After that nothing.
Clarke turned around and walked towards her locker. It had been two weeks since Lexa her accident and their had been no changes. She was still in coma. Clarke missed Lexa everyday and wanted her to wake up. Octavia had been really helpfull to get her mind of things. Her, Lincoln and Clarke had been hanging out a lot. They went to the Gustus Bar a lot. Clarke knew this bar from the past. It was from Lexas uncle Gustus. He had always been there for Lexa and she loved him very much. Gustus died one year ago and the bar was taken over by one of his sons. Clarke knew this. Somehow this bar brought back a lot of memories of her and Lexa. Atleast this kept Lexa close to her. Clarke remembered one night well.
It had been a warm summer night and Lexa had wanted to introduce Clarke to her uncle for weeks now. So she finally did. They had been in the bar for the whole night and had been talking nonstop until one song came on the radio. Clarke turned to Lexa and asked her to dance ''May I have this dance'' She said with a smile. Lexa nodded and walked to the dancefloor. They danced the rest of the night, holding each other close.
That had been one of the best nights Clarke had spent with Lexa. Know she was there often with Lincoln and Octavia.
Clarkes thoughts got interrupted when someone tapped on her shoulder. Clarke turned around and was looking at no one other than Finn. ''What the fuck are you doing here'' She asked angry.
He gestured her to calm down ''Nothing. I don't want to fight with you. I'm just here to say how sorry I am about what happened to Lexa'' Finn said.
''What the fuck are you talking about?!'' Clarke yelled at him. ''You're sorry?!'' She spat out. She was on the edge of losing it. ''What are you sorry about?!'' She asked in anger.
Finn took a few step backs and gestured Clarke to calm down. He didn't want to make her more mad. He didn't know if she knew. So he had to tell her ''I have to tell you something..'' he said ashamed. ''I know what happened to her..I was there''.
Clarke looked confused. ''What do you mean?'' she asked.
''I was the one who hit her with my car'' he said taking a few steps back.
Clarke couldn't believe this. The guy she had been dating for a year had hit Lexa. ''GO AWAY WHILE YOU STILL CAN'' She yelled in anger. ''I'm so sorry'' Finn said. ''GO AWAY!'' Clarke said crying.
Finn walked away and left Clarke behind. She felt so lost. Lexa was in coma, she had been cheated on, and now she just found out the guy she dated hit her ex-girlfriend with a car. Everything was so messed up.
Meanwhile Clarke left Lexas tent and she was looking for a place to sleep for the night until she saw Octavia sitting near a campfire. She decided to join her and talk for a while. Clarke had become good friends with Octavia. Octavia was one of the first people who actually became friends with the Grounders.
Clarke sat down next to Octavia and looked at her. Octavia seemed worried about something so she asked ''Everything okay?''.
Octavia shook her head ''I've been going over and over it in my head, just trying to figure out what happened''.
''Happened with what?'' Clarke asked worried.
''Lincoln. He left a few days ago. He said he needed to figure things out on his own. After he became a reaper, he changed a lot. He kept everything to himself'' Octavia said.
''Octavia. He will come back'' Clarke said.
Lexa heard Octavia and Clarke talking. She remembered this conversation so well. It had been different in the past. In the past the missile had hit TonDC and Octavia had been there. Octavia told Clarke in the past that she would fight this war with her, but the would be done after that. She had figured out that Clarke and Lexa knew about it and she blamed Clarke for not saving all those people. Lexa made the decision to change the past. This was she saved Clarke and Octavia their friendship and a lot of innocent people. Even though the Commander spirit had told her not too. Lexa didn't care, she was going to do it her own way.
The next day passed by fast. Octavia had some problems with Lexa so Lexa tried to get one of her guards kill her until Clarke discovered this and saved Octavia by confronting Lexa with this. Lexa knew this had to happen in order for their first kiss.
Lexa was sitting on her throne putting on her battlepaint, when Clarke walked in with a gun pointed at the head of one Lexas guards.
''You sent him to kill Octavia?! I told you. She is not a problem'' Clarke said angry.
Lexa seemed irritated by this and told the guard to go ''Leave us''.
''No, I am not letting him out of my side'' Clarke said angry while pointing the gun at the guard again.
Lexa stood up from her throne and said ''Stand down. And wait for my command.''
The guard stood up, pushed the gun aside and walked out of the tent.
Clarke walked angry towards Lexa ''What the hell is wrong with you, You can't just kill everyone you don't trust.''
Lexa shook her head while walking towards her armor to put it on ''Yes I can. She threatened me. Octavia is a threat. If you weren't so close to her you would see that'' Lexa said ice cold.
It's because I'm close to her that I know she is loyal. Her brother is more important to her to anyone, she would never endanger his life.
''And you're willing to risk everything on that, on your feelings?'' Lexa asked.
''Yes. You say having feelings makes me weak, but you're weak for hiding from them'' Clarke said angry. ''I might be a hypocrite Lexa, but you're a liar.'' She stepped forward to Lexa and made her take a few steps back. ''You felt something for Gustus. You're still haunted by Costia. You want everyone to think you're above it all. But I see right through you'' Clarke scoffed.
This made Lexa remind her of everything. Somehow the pain of losing Costia, killing Gustus came back. It made her feel guilty about everything she had done in order to lead well. This was the first time in so long she felt that some had put a knife through her heart. She hadn't felt like this since Clarke and she broke up in her other life and she had to watch Clarke with Finn. She got sucked back to reality when Clarke had make her walk against a table.
''GET OUT!'' Lexa said angry. ''A lot of people died, I know you felt for them'' Clarke said. ''But you let them die anyway'' Clarke said. Clarke saw the pain in Lexas eyes. Somehow she knew she had gone to far. The day before she had noticed that the Commander had more feelings than she let out. She had build up this wall around her in order to feel safe. ''Not everyone, not you'' Lexa said holding back her emotions. Clarke got confused by this and didn't know what to say to Lexa ''Well if you care about me, then..trust me'' Clarke said. A silence fell into the room ''Octavia is not a threat''.
Lexa was looking for the right words to say. But she couldn't find them. She felt all the pain at once. She didn't want Clarke to be angry but she had no choice. ''I can't do that'' Lexa said.
''I can't sacrifice my people anymore. If you do anything to hurt Octavia. I'll tell everyone about last night'' Clarke said before leaving Lexas tent.
Lexa was left behind, trying to deal with all the pain she just got confronted with. She turned around and tried to focus on other things. She knew what was about to happen the next few days and she didn't want to think about that.
Lexa didn't speak with Clarke for the rest of the day until she had sent one of her guards to find her. Lexa was in her tent waiting for Clarke when she heard someone walk in. Lexa turned around and saw Clarke standing in the entrance.
''You sent for me?'' Clarke asked.
Lexa nodded ''Yes. Octavia has nothing to fear from me.''
Clarke walked towards Lexa and didn't respond. She didn't really trust the Commanders words.
''I do trust you, Clarke'' Lexa turned around and faced Clarke. Clarke saw the caring in Lexas eyes and took her for her word.
''I know how hard that is for you'' Clarke said.
This reminded Lexa of what was about to happen. She felt uncomfortable because she knew about the choices she had to make a few days from. She was going to have to betray Clark and she didn't want too, because she knew how that was going to effect her.
''You think our ways are harsh, but that's how we survive'' Lexa said.
''Maybe life should be about more than just surviving. Don't we deserve better than that?'' Clarke asked looking Lexa in the eyes.
Lexa knew they did deserve better. That were her last words to Clarke when she got shot in the past.
But she didn't want Clarke to find out so she seemed hesistant before she said ''Maybe we do''.
Lexa leaned in to kiss Clarke before she could say another word. Clarke kissed back until she pulled back a few seconds later ''I..I'm not ready to be with anyone. Not yet'' she said.
Lexa knew why. She knew that Clarke had killed Finn a few days ago so she couldn't blame her.
Lexa nodded and didn't respond back. They both looked at each other until they were interrupted by people yelling ''HEDA! COME QUICK!''.
Lexa knew that Bellamy did his job and they were reading to march for the Mountain. Where she was about to betray the woman she loved.
