A/n - I am supposed to be studying for midterms or writing my Catch-22 paper. Oh well.

Disclaimer - LOOK AT ALL THE NOTHINGS I OWN.

Note: I added a footnote explaining the "Wahoo Mohammed" joke last chapter. I meant to do that in the first place, but it completely slipped my mind. Oops.


England was seriously regretting joining his younger brothers in the yard, and he wondered what possessed him to agree to it. America was once again sitting on him, shouting something about having captured the most dangerous of all pirates, the dread Captain Browbeard.

"I thought you were going after aliens?" England asked, shifting just slightly. There was a stick jabbing him in the ribs. Perhaps cleaning up blankets and feathers would have been preferable.

"Nah, if we're all Power Rangers, then who would we fight?" America reasoned. "Pirates is easier, because then everyone is trying to catch everyone!"

"Gotcha, America!" Sealand, who had been sneaking toward them — an impressive feat for the rather loud little nation, England thought — poked America in the back with a stick. "Put your hands up!"

"That's Heroic Captain Awesome to you, Captain Roughs!" America said, but Sealand poked him again. America grinned and stood up, his hands in a surrender position. England sighed in relief and moved so the stick wasn't jabbing him in the ribs anymore.

"I captured Captain Awesome and Captain Browbeard in the name of the nation of Sealand!" Sealand announced. "Now other nations have to recognize me!"

"Not if I get you first!" Canada appeared out of nowhere, as he typically did, and picked Sealand up.

"Captain North to the rescue!" America cheered. England scoffed. That was the best name America could come up with for Canada? Really?

"Captain Rouges will never surrender!" Sealand proclaimed, and he began kicking at his new captor. Canada chuckled; his reach was much too long for Sealand to have any hope of connecting with any of his kicks, but it certainly didn't stop the young nation from trying.

"I suspected as much," he said, "but I know Captain Roughes' weakness!" Sealand paused in his struggles to give Canada a critical look.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked suspiciously. Canada smirked, and one hand danced along Sealand's ribs.

The smaller nation immediately broke out into uncontrollable giggles. "Stop it!"

"Not until you surrender your prisoners to me," Canada decided, and continued the tickling. Sealand shrieked in laughter and began flailing even harder, trying to escape from his captor.

"Not if I get away," America interrupted, "or capture you first!" He had recovered Sealand's stick, where it had been flung during the tickling, and was pointing it at Canada and Sealand. "The Heroic Captain Awesome saves the day!"

"What about England?" Canada asked, tilting his head to one side. America blinked once and whipped around, to find England standing just behind him, still unarmed. England gave America a very dry look. Canada might as well have said 'look, a distraction!'

"England's right there, what do you —" America began, turning back to look at his twin. But the distraction had worked, and Canada was gone. England hadn't even seen him move; Sealand was just standing there, looking as confused as everyone else. "Aw, Canada, that's cheating!"

"You fell for it!" Canada shouted from somewhere nearby. America's head jerked in the direction of the voice and he immediately took off in that direction, leaving England and Sealand alone.

"You're still my prisoner," Sealand reminded England. England sighed.

"If you say so."

There was a scuffle behind some bushes, and America reappeared with a rather embarrassed Canada in tow. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Canada had a few things to learn about staying quiet when one was hiding. He wasn't used to being overheard.

"I have captured the menace known as Captain North," America proclaimed, "and I challenge him to a duel!"

"Oh?" Canada asked, apparently just as surprised as England and Sealand.

"America, you don't propose your captives to a duel," England said flatly. Really, had that boy learned nothing when England was a proper naval power? Surely he had picked up something!

"But isn't it honourable to challenge your opponent to a duel?" America asked. England sighed.

"You already captured him!"

"But what if Captain North is secretly Captain Awesome'sbrother, and they have to duel in order to see who gets to inherit their father's Pirate Kingdom?" America asked, as if it was a completely normal situation that England must have come across during his seafaring years.

"You watch too many films," England decided, not for the first time.

"I'll need a weapon, then," Canada said, apparently accepting the challenge.

"Kick his ass, Canada," Sealand said, handing Canada another stick.

"Language, Sealand," England chided with a frown. All three of his younger brothers rolled their eyes in response. England pretended not to notice.

"Aw, you're not rooting for me?" America asked Sealand. "But I'm the hero! Heroic Captain Awesome, remember? And you're still Canada's prisoner! I'm trying to rescue you!"

"But I think Canada's going to win," Sealand said with a small shrug. "I want to root for the winner."

"But it's my turn to win something! Canada won the race, so I get to win the duel! It's only fair," America directed the last sentence at Canada, as if demanding he follow America's logic. Canada ignored him in favour of inspecting his new weapon.

"I suppose I must officiate," England remarked, folding his arms. If there was going to be a duel, even a mock duel, it would be done correctly. England could still remember when duelling was a gentleman's game, after all. And even if he would never admit it, he had been in a few duels himself. "En garde?" Both combatants adopted a fighting stance, and England had to wonder why America, of all nations, had an excellent fencing form. It was a rather... posh sport, not to mention France claimed (in a very Korean fashion) that fencing originated in him.

But America was still America, fencer or not. He didn't wait for a command to start the duel and charged in, stick flying as he made a bold attack against Canada. Canada, having spent nearly his entire life in close contact with America, knew to expect it.

So Sealand's cry of protest at the unfair move — which had secretly pleased England, who decided his gentlemanly ways might be rubbing off on the young nation more than previously thought — was bitten off when Canada expertly blocked the stick and parried effortlessly.

The pair exchanged blows for a few minutes, with America unsurprisingly taking the more offensive stance. At some point, Sealand switched his allegiance and began cheering for America. England smartly stepped away and abandoned his 'officiating' role when one of the branches came a little too close to his head. It wasn't as if they were paying any attention to him anyway. They'd finish their 'duel' when they were good and ready, or when there was food to be had.

On that note, the lads were probably hungry. McDonalds had been a while ago, and England knew the depths of America's (and Canada's, for that matter) stomach better than anyone.

That was a good plan. If England knew America and Canada, and he liked to think he did, then they would be fighting for quite some time. The twins were rather evenly matched, to their eternal annoyance — America liked to think himself stronger than Canada, and Canada hated being compared to his brother. The best distraction would be food. England had some frozen pastries that only needed a short stint in the oven.

"Where are you going, England?" Sealand asked, noticing England heading back to the house. "You have to see who wins!"

"I'm just going to make up a quick plate of pastries and biscuits for tea," England replied. Sealand looked rather alarmed.

"But aren't you the judge?" he demanded. England looked over to America and Canada, who were still deeply involved in their duel.

"I hardly think they will pay any attention to me," England decided. "Besides, it is high time for tea."

Sealand could only stare as England went back into the house. He looked back to his older brothers, who hadn't noticed England's disappearance.

It looked like it was going to be up to the mighty Sealand to stop the menace that was England's cooking.


Will Sealand save the day?
Which of the North American twins is a better swordsman?
Will England ever get any peace and quiet?
Also, it is totally my headcanon that America is secretly a fan of fencing, based on how the women's team did in the 2008 Olympics.
I should probably start studying for those midterms now.
Until next time,
~Craic